guiding your strong willed child workshop, week 3

Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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Habits of Happy Parents

• Observe to Understand

• Prepare to Prevent

• Differentially Reinforce (Predict the Future!)

• Practice Happy

• Be Boring When Bad

• Make the New Way Work

Top Tools of Happy Parents

• Name the Good

• Sure High! First Low, Then High

• Blame the Man

• Micro Choices

• Goodbye Junk Demands

• Super Kid Meetings

Week Three

Community Sure High! First Low, Then High!

Family Negotiables

Science Predicting the Future

Framework Case of the Missing Sock

At-Home Blame the Man

Lucky George – Premack’s Principle Community

• Observation Condition: Imagine elementary children given free reign in a room with candy & pinball machine – George played pinball for 50 minutes & ate candy for

10 minutes

• Contingent Condition: George must eat candy before playing pinball

– The amount of time George spends eating candy increases (a great outcome don’t you think!)

Using Premack’s Principle

Y: High Probability Behavior

(things person choose to do more often)

X: Low Probability Behavior

(things people choose to do less often)

Premack’s Principle

Community

A Real, Pretend Example Community

Parenthood, Season 2: A House Divided

Minutes 35:00 – 36:50 http://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B004LWHPRY/ref=dv_dp_ep14

Fun Always Follows

Grandpa: Hey Sonny. Oh boy do we have a problem…

Dad: What?

Grandpa: Max wants to come home.

Dad: Well, what’s the problem?

Grandpa: Well look kid, I did everything he wanted to all right? I mean we got here, he wanted to look for bugs before we pitched the tent – I did that. He wanted to have the marshmallows before we looked at the stars – I did that. Come on, I’ve done everything he wanted to.

Dad: You gave him his paycheck before he did his work.

Parenthood: A House Divided episode

Community

Sure high! First low, Then high!

LOW PROBABILITY

You request a

SHORT & SPECIFIC

action

HIGH PROBABILITY

Immediately when completed child gets what:

(a) She asked for

(b) She was choosing to do before demand

(c) She chose

At-Home

Video Extensions Community

• 83% of families turned in homework

• What should my next sentence be?? – The following families did not turn in their homework:

– Families who turned in your home – thank you!

– Families who didn’t turn in your videos – please imagine how it feels for…

– If you are in the 83%, you will receive…

– If you are in the 17%, please see me after the workshop

SURE, HIGH! FIRST LOW, THEN HIGH Small Changes, Big Difference

• Child is playing with his trucks. Parent wants child to clean up the tea set he was playing with earlier before he continues playing with his

trucks.

• BEFORE: “First, clean up tea set. Then, you can play with your trucks.”

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS MISSING? • Affirm his choice first! Start with “Sure HIGH!”

• AFTER: “Do you want to keep playing with your trucks?” [Yes!] “Sure, you can keep playing with your trucks! First, put away your tea set,

then you can play with your trucks.”

Community


• Child is playing with his trucks. Parent wants child to clean up the tea set he was playing with earlier before he continues playing with his

trucks.

• BEFORE: “Sure, you can keep playing with your trucks. First, put away your tea set. Then, you can play with your trucks, okay?”

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM NOW? • Are you asking his permission? If not, don’t add “Okay?”

• AFTER: “Sure, you can keep playing with your trucks. First, put away your tea set. Then, you can play with your trucks.”

Community


• It is time to leave for school. Your daughter told you that she wants to wear a sparkly necklace to school everyday. She has not put on her

jacket yet.

• BEFORE: “Would you like to wear this sparkly necklace again today?Okay! Please go get ready for school then I will give you your sparkly

necklace to wear.”

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? • Make small & specific demands

• AFTER:“…Sure! First, put on this jacket, then you can put on your necklace!”

Community


• It is time to leave for school. Your daughter told you that she wants to wear a sparkly necklace to school everyday. She has not put on her

jacket yet.

• BEFORE: “Would you like to wear this sparkly necklace again?” [YES!] “Okay! Please put on this jacket then you can put on your sparkly

necklace to wear.” [No! I want my sparkly necklace first!] …negotiation ensues…parent decides it is not worth the fight

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? • Commit & Stick

• AFTER: [following refusal] “I will keep your jacket & necklace with me. When you are ready to put on your jacket, I will be ready with your

necklace!” Change the subject & to the door.

Community

Questions for the Table – 10 Minutes Community

1. Were you able to create an opportunity daily

2. Did you start by saying “Sure!”?

3. Did you keep your X request small & simple (& fun!)?

4. Did you ensure that Y happened as soon as X was completed? (& that Y didn’t happen until X was completed?)

5. Are you ready to put technique to work?

End

Large Group Q & A Community

• Questions?

• Reflections?

Week Three


Family Negotiables




Who Had a HAT Meeting this Week?

How Are Things

Happy Adult Time

Family

Negotiables

• A negotiation – Begins with your invitation (a question)

– Never follows whining or challenging behavior

– Ends immediately if challenging behavior occurs

Family

Non-Negotiables

• Hard things are ALWAYS easier to deal with when they are expected & never change

Family

Photos via Angeldear.com, telegraph.co.uk. and imgkid.com

Pick a Groundhog’s Day Problem Family

• Pick something you are waffling about that you do NOT want to waffle on anymore (i.e. sometimes OK, sometimes not OK)

• Why are you saying “Yes”?

• Why are you saying “No”?

• What do you want to say?

• How are you going to communicate the change?

End

HAT Meeting Three Assignment Family

• Schedule 30 minutes of protected, kid-free time for each week of our workshop on your CALENDAR

Goal for Meeting Three

Keep track of your negotiations this week and review together at your HAT

Continue to define your values!

Week Three


Family Negotiables




Nuts & Bolts of Behavior

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

Science

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Behavior

Consequence

Science

Consequences – What Comes After!

• It is loud ! child covers his ears… – COVERING EARS MAKES IT QUIETER

• Friend nabs a toy ! child hits her friend… – FRIEND GIVES TOY BACK

• No snack in car ! yelling, “snack!” … – DRIVER GIVES SNACK

• Consequences are what occur after a behavior occurs & may have increasing, decreasing or no effect on behavior

Science

Consequences Predict the Future

• KEY IDEA: Reinforcement describes what happens when a consequence that follows a behavior increases the likelihood that the behavior will occur in the future

“

Dregs in a Cup by William Sydney Mount, graph via wikipedia.org

Science

Differential Reinforcement

• Arrange the environment and your response so that desired behavior accesses reinforcement and undesired behavior does not access reinforcement • Pushing on door doesn’t work, pulling works

• Whining to request doesn’t work, normal voice works

• Hitting to extend play doesn’t work, “one more” works

• Tantrum to avoid help doesn’t work, accepting first step help works

• Screaming for attention doesn’t work, quiet play works

Science

Not-A-Test

• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as:

• what happens after a behavior occurs

• what happens before a behavior occurs

• what causes a behavior to occur

• how a child feels before she engages in a behavior

Science

Not-A-Test

• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as:

• • what happens before a behavior occurs

• •

Answer: An antecedent comes before a behavior but does not cause operant behavior contrary to popular opinion

Science

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. • politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit

her brother

• passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

• talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

• giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

• giving your child a big hug after she falls down

Science

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. • politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit her brother

• passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

• talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

• giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

• giving your child a big hug after she falls down

ALL ARE CONSEQUENCES. A consequence is simply what happens as a result of a behavior, it could be reinforcing or

punishing or have no effect.

Science

Not-A-Test

• All behavior serves a __________________.

Please write in your single word answer. If you don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers will earn partial credit ☺

Science

Not-A-Test

• All behavior serves a __________________.

Please write in your single word answer. If you don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers will earn partial credit ☺

FUNCTION!

Answer: And the key to changing a behavior is to understand its function.

Science

Week Three


Family Negotiables




Stay Tuned!

• Due to great questions and conversation this week, we did not make it all the way through the prepared content.

• We will begin next week with the “Case of the Missing Sock” part 2 and Blame the Man!

At-Home

Making this Work at Home

• Guided Practice Every Workshop Week – HAT meeting • This week: Review the week’s negotiations & keep defining

values

– Daily Five • This week: Practice “Name the Good” & “Sure High, First Low,

then High” and generally just have fun

– 30-Second Video • This week: Email me a question or reflection

At-Home

Questions, Comments?

Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

Email me at [email protected]

At-Home

guiding your strong willed child workshop, week 3

Education