Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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Hello.

•  Krista Keintz

•  Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA)

•  American Montessori Society (AMS)

What is Applied Behavior Analysis?

•  Applied

– Real world practice. It is applying basic science to improve the lives of people.

•  Behavior

– Any action of any living thing. For our purposes we are interested in observable and measurable behavior.

•  Analysis

– A scientific study. We are going to allow our teaching to be guided by what really works!

Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

•  Parenting is personal – My goal is to help you be the parent you want to be

•  Equip you to effectively, purposefully & consistently parent – Community, science, techniques, support & practice

•  Designed to be a lifestyle change, not a diet – Invest & expect measurable growth over time

Week 1. Defining Strong Willed

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Session Overview

Community At-Home Extensions

Content Science of Behavior

Collaboration Time for Your Family

Week One

Community Different Perspectives on Strong Willed Children

Content Operational Definitions

Collaboration Daily Five & Name the

Good

Spirited Child?

•  “The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is more. They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children…" {continue reading in your binder}

Kurcinka. Raising Your Spirited Child. (2006)

Community

Strong Willed Child?

•  Pluses –  “usually have a very strong sense of independence… typically

also assertive, confident, determined & persistent”

•  And, minuses –  “a strong sense of independence also frequently leads these

children to become stubborn, argumentative & defiant”

•  You are not alone – 48% of parents of 2-6 year olds informally surveyed by the

authors described their child as “strong willed”

Forehand & Long. Parenting the Strong Willed Child. (2002)

Community

A Poll

•  How many of the following describe your child’s behavior?

Adapted from Forehand & Long. Parenting the Strong Willed Child. (2002)

Community

Disobedient Resists anything

done to him Bossy

Broadway-style tantrums

Argues Aggressive

Demands attention Cries to get her own way

Destructive

Stubborn Very sensitive Doesn’t respond

to discipline

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaOazMm9sVw

Community

The Power of the Will

•  “There are books that use the term “strong-willed” to discuss a child who cannot or will not cooperate with adults or family members – a child who, in fact, does not have a developed “will.” In Montessori education, we focus instead on the development of the will as the positive force that enables us to learn from our environment and society and to make a contribution to them” (24).

Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)

Community

A Developed Will

•  A child who can say… – “I can focus my energies.

– I can restrain my actions.

– I can control my impulses.” (25)

Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)

Community

Week One

Community Different Perspectives on Strong Willed Children

Content Operational Definitions

Collaboration Daily Five & Name the

Good

Nuts & Bolts of Behavior

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

Content

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Content

Operational Definitions

• Objective – Did I use only observable characteristics?

•  Clear – Could an unfamiliar actor use it as a script?

•  Complete – Does it include everything I want to include & exclude

everything I want to exclude?

Content

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKukwm9ODo

Content

Why Bother?

•  Aid to Communication

•  Right Response to Behavior

•  Antidote to Nebulous Feeling of Guilt

Content

Aid to Communication

• Observable description of behavior

•  Specifically descriptive

Content

MC Esher Optical Illusion via lolriot.com

Right Response

•  Sometimes we see things that are not really there

•  Not a problem until it ’s time to clean the floor

Content

Nebulous Feeling of Guilt

•  Sometimes we write historical fiction about our children’s behavior – short on facts, long on drama

Content

Extreme Makeover – O.D. Content

Before After

We haven’t had as much quality time for him because of the new

baby so he’s acting out his insecurity at bedtime.

She is sad about going to school because her day is too long thanks to my work schedule.

We can’t go to Target together anymore because he is strong-willed and won’t let me get my shopping done without a fight.

Extreme Makeover – O.D. Content

Before After

We haven’t had as much quality time for him because of the new

baby so he’s acting out his insecurity at bedtime.

Screams, “No, don’t leave me!” while grabbing onto parent

She is sad about going to school because her day is too long thanks to my work schedule.

Drops to the floor and throws backpack in front of classroom

We can’t go to Target together anymore because he is strong-willed and won’t let me get my shopping done without a fight.

Kicks and screams for over one minute in a shopping cart

Not-A-Test

•  Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

Content

Not-A-Test

•  Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

•  Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not objective descriptions of behavior

Content

Week One

Community Different Perspectives on Strong Willed Children

Content Operational Definitions

Collaboration Daily Five & Name the

Good

Daily Five Preparation

•  Map Your Weekly Schedule as a Family – Forest to Trees • Begin with “fixed” time specific items (drop-off, pick-up,

bedtime…) – UNDERLINE

• Add detail in areas with “fixed” routines (getting ready for school, bedtime routine…) - REGULAR

•  Feel free to add common but not fixed items – STAR

Collaboration

Daily Five Preparation

•  Map Your Weekly Schedule as a Family – Workshop Additions • DAILY FIVE: Pick one, 5 min window for Daily Five

• EMAIL: Decide when you will try to email your 30 sec video clip to me

• HAT MEETING: Pick one, 30 min window each week for Parent’s HAT Meeting – How Are Things?

Collaboration

Daily Five – Name the Good

•  This week, play the “Name the Good” game o Set aside 5 minutes to “play” each day

o Consider just joining into child’s existing play

o No demands, corrections or questions! o This should be experienced as really easy & fun for your child

o Your Interaction Options: o SPECIFICALLY describe: “You painted using red & purple”

o Link behavior to its NATURAL positive consequence: “You shared your car with me! That makes me want to share my car with you!”

o ONLY highlight those things you would like to see your child do more of!

Collaboration

“How Are Things” Meeting

•  Consider having a How Are Things meeting with your parenting partner each week of the workshop

– If one or both parents miss a workshop, this is mandatory… or else!

•  Plan for 30-minutes of kid-free time

•  Review slides, talk over life & operational definitions, drink hot cocoa…

Collaboration

Your At-Home Extension

•  Self evaluation o Did you set aside 5 minutes to “play” each day?

o Did you avoid making demands, corrections or asking questions?

o Did you specifically name what the child was doing? o Did you decide to SPECIFICALLY describe or link behavior to its

NATURAL positive consequence?

o Did you Name the Good by highlighting ONLY those things you would like to see your child do more of?

•  Email me by this weekend (SUNDAY night at latest) – 30-second video of you playing Name the Good

Collaboration

Questions, Comments?

•  Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

•  Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com

Collaboration