growing your marriage
TRANSCRIPT
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GROWING YOUR MARRIAGE
Marriage must grow to be a happy and healthy one. If your marriage doesn’t grow, there
must be something terribly wrong that needs to be sorted out.
MARRIAGE THAT LASTS MUST HAVE CONTINUAL GROWTH
AND DEVELOPMENT
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INTRODUCTIONIt is my sincere desire to see that
each of the marriages is growing and every spouse is growing in his/her relationship.
How you can improve the closeness of your walk in marriage?
Let’s make this year a better year for our families and then a better year for our spouses.
START WITH THE RIGHT END IN MIND IN YOUR MARRIAGE
There is no purpose getting married when you do not live and you are not willing to die for that purpose.
Putting the correct ending at your beginning is what will give you a purpose worth living for in your marriage.
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SCRIPTURE: Philippians 2:1-5“If you have any encouragement
from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.
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Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus”:(NIV)
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A. GROWING TOGETHER IS A VERY CRUCIAL STEP IN HAVING A MARRIAGE THAT LASTS
The couple must grow and develop together. No one should be left behind.
This is probably one of the most important issues in marriage.
Whenever there is a healthy marriage with serious problems, it seems they are both in their separate worlds.
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B. GROWING TOGETHER MEANS WE ARE TO BE LIKEMINDED.
1. Paul says in verse 2 that we are to be “likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.”
2. What are the steps involved in being likeminded together so that a couple can grow together?
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You must continually be:a. Communicating together.b. Reading together.c. Experiencing together.d. Growing together.e. Sharing together.f. Having fun together.
The key word above is Together
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I realize many people who walk down the aisle and take those wedding vows can't figure out what went wrong when in a few short years their marriage begins to face some serious difficulties.
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At the marriage altar, most couples have a lot in common. They have many things with mutual interest. But after the wedding things begin to change. Why?The couple instead of growing together, they start going apart.An example: The husband doing certain projects for himself without the wife’s involvement.
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But after the marriage if one of the partners begins to grow and develop and the other does not, that marriage will begin to have a major gap in it. a. When this happens, they are not on the same wave length.b. They do not discuss the same things.c. The bonding process is weak because they are not growing together.
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WE MUST STRIVE TO BUILD THE BOND IN THE MARRIAGE AND AVOID ANY AREAS THAT MAY
MAKE OUR GROWTH TOGETHER BE AFFECTED.
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C. HOW DO WE GROW AND DEVELOP IN ORDER TO BECOME LIKEMINDED?
There are at least four ways that couples can grow together.1. Each partner must have a personal desire for growth.Simply both must be involved.
a. This is an individual issue. b. You have to want to grow.
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c. Why would one party not want to grow?
d. How do you get them to grow? Challenge them to see what it will do for the marriage.
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2. You and your spouse must become Best Friends. a. You can have friends of the same sex as you are but never to the exclusion of your spouse.b. This involves working at developing a great friendship.
c. This allows bonding to continue in the marriage process.
d. How do you accomplish this? It takes time.
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3. You and your spouse must discover what you Enjoy Doing Together. a. It is very important that you discover what your spouse enjoys and do a lot of it together.b. A spouse does not want to hear all the good stories about exciting things you get to do and she is not allowed to be a part of the process.
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c. A wife, especially, enjoys sharing experiences with her husband. Wives feel so excited when sharing all that they went through during the day. The husbands must be very attentive and involved in the discussion otherwise the wives feel demoralized and give up.
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4. You and your spouse must develop what You Enjoy Doing Together.a. Work together on the projects you both enjoy.b. This will not happen on its own.c. Establish goals and review them
frequently.d. Record your progress.
Now here are WAYS TO HAVE A GROWING MARRIAGE.
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1. You Must Remember Your Commitment.
If you ever begin to question your commitment you are headed for trouble. This is the personal foundation that helps to keep you grounded to God.
Your commitment is “till death do us part.”
Your vow was to God and to another much-loved person before a watching world.
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It began by dreaming together, looking forward to things in life together...keep it up. You must be loyal to your spouse not matter what. This involves caring more about what your partner thinks than what your friends think.
Women seem to be very observant when you cater to another female’s advice. Be careful.
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2. You Must Maintain a Sincere Spiritual Commitment.
How can we do this? We must keep right before God.
We must pray regularly for our spouses.
We must pray together on a regular basis.
We must worship God together.
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3. You Must Seek to Know and Understand Your spouse at the Deepest Level.
It is a sad indictment but some go through life without really knowing each other.
Knowing your mate is one thing but seeking to understand them is another. Both are important.
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How can I get to know him/her? a. Study your mate.
What is it that turns them on or off sexually?What are their non-verbal signals?What causes mood shifts?b. Ask them questions.c. Seek to understand what they need from you.
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4. You Should Understand That You Nor Your Partner is Perfect.
It is sort of a relief when you realize that the marriage does not have to be perfect nor you as a partner. Nobody wants their marriage to fail.
Don’t get caught up in taking everything that happens especially emotional explosions personally.
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Sometimes it is a mood problem or just letting off some steam.
Sometimes your spouse may need a little space to be left alone for awhile.
Don’t try forcing everything into a perfect mold.
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5. You Should Want What Is Best For Your Spouse.
Too often we would like to change our spouses but the right focus should be what is right with my spouse not what is wrong.
God has given to us a spouse to work together as a team.
We must rely on each other’s strength to help us through life.
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6. You Must Make Time To Communicate With Each Other.
We have already spent a lot of time in communication, but let me add just a few practical suggestions.a. Take time to walk and talk together.b. Travel together.c. Call each other up when you have to be separated.
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d. Listen to the sounds of your spouse’s heart, not just the words spoken.
e. Allow your spouse to vent their emotions without feeling like you have to fix it quickly.
f. Be quick to settle any disagreements.
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g. Practice talking rather than shouting at each other.h. Be quick to listen.i. Be careful not to interrupt before they have completed their thoughts.
j. Be willing to wait patiently before you make your point.
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7. You Should Live Life Together. You ought to have some
common interests. Enjoy doing some of the same
hobbies and having some of the same friends.
Plan to do fun things together, like attending concerts, picnics, or whatever.
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8. You Should Live Romantically, Not Just For Sex.
Romantic living is not just having sexual relations. It has to do with being close once in awhile on each other.
It has to do with doing little things for each other that communicates a message such as “Thinking only of you,” “Thought of you while I was away”, or “You are the center of my universe.”
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Once in awhile, talk with a loving, tender, and caring tone in your voice.
Stay away from the norm when you can and never have an angry, harsh, or bitter tone.
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9. You Should Learn From Other Happy Couples.
Look for couples who have been happily married for ten to twenty years longer than you to spend time with.
Be open to have a relationship with someone who would be willing to give you wise counsel during difficult times.
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Be aware of spending time with couples who do not have a growing, healthy, and happy marriage.
10. You Should Be Careful to Avoid Certain Things.
Negative talks should be avoided in your marriage.
You must avoid ever having conditional love where you base your love on actions.
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Never wait on your mate to meet your needs before you will meet their needs.
Never talk negative about your companion’s parents to put them down. This does not mean that you should ignore problems, but be careful how you handle them.
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FINALLYLife is a choice. The choice is
before you. You can choose to GROW and work it into your life. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen or those who make excuses.
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The choice is yours. You have to have the want to, to make your home and relationship strong enough by the power of God to remain true to Him. The longer you wait the harder the choice.
Recommit yourself to each other and to God. This is for married couples only.
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You can have a strong marriage that will last if you are willing to grow, develop and work together through God's strength and power and the willingness of your partner.
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Don't wait for a miracle or someone else to do it. Start today. DO NOT LEAVE GOD OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE. HE CREATED IT!Start building a better marriage from this day forward!