grant kate's wish - presentation
TRANSCRIPT
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http://vimeo.com/20927706
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Communicating with Kids when a Parent has Cancer
Grant Kate’s Wish
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Why We are Here
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Grant Kate’s Wish Foundation
• Provides funding for the delivery of front line, time of diagnosis, face to face educational services for parents who have received a cancer diagnosis, free of charge.
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Why You are Here
• A trusted advisor understands the connection between emotional and physical well-being
• Recognize and refer families in need
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What a Family May Experience
• Children’s issues
• Teens’ issues
• Family concerns
• Resources
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Kids Deserve the Truth
• Use the word “cancer”
• Keep it simple and age appropriate
• Tell them what to expect
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Different Ages…Different Questions
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Small Children with Big Questions
• Did I cause this to happen?
• Will I catch it?
• What is going to happen to me now?
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Did I cause this to happen?
• Children have magical thinking.
• They can control the world
• Believing they caused it, means they can fix it.
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Will I catch it?
• Can I still hug and kiss you?
• Will the other parent get it too?
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What is going to happen to me now?
• Who will take care of me?
• Who can I trust?
• Why won’t you be home with me?
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Elementary
• Is it contagious?
• Who will take me to soccer practice?
• Will you die?
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Is it contagious?
• Experience is with colds and strep throat
• Simple, concrete explanations
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Who will take care of me now?
• Rules and routines are important
• Outside schedules are part of their expanding world
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Will you die?
• Understand that death can be permanent
• Are really asking about their own security
• Need a short term answer focusing on the immediate worry
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Teens
• Give me more details
• What does this mean to my life?
• Can I still be a with my friends?
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Give me more details
• Understand the facts and uncertainties
• Think with emotions
• Have access to the internet
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What does this mean to my life?
• Am I allowed to have fun?
• How can I help?
• Want to be normal – a parent with cancer makes them different
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“Will you tell me?”
• I probably won’t ask you.
• I don’t want to make you feel sad.
• I don’t want to be sad either.
• I can’t absorb too much at once.
• Check in with me from time to time.
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All children need to know..
• Parents and doctors are capable of making the decisions.
• Adults are in charge and are doing everything possible to make life better
• They can’t control this. They can still control other things in their life.
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All children want to know what will stay the same…
• “I can still read with you before bed, but we will all cuddle together in the big bed, not in your bed.”
• “You and daddy can still play games together, but not soccer or basketball, we can find some indoor games.”
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Kids are resilient
When they know they are loved, cared for and listened to…..
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What you can do
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Grant Kate’s Wish
• http://grantkateswish.org/
• Virginia Piper Cancer Institute
• Parenting Educators
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Resources
Kate’s Wish Foundation www.grantkateswish.org
Intentional Parenting Center: 952-767-5009 www.intentionalparentingcenter.com
Pact Program, Massachusetts General Hospital, “A Dozen Lessons Learned” www.mghpact.org/parents
Virginia Piper Cancer Institute www.allinahealth.org/ahs/anw.nsf/page/vpci pact
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Resources
Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child When a Parent is Sick, by Paula Rauch and Anna Muriel, a Harvard Medical Book.
Someone I Love is Sick, Kathleen McCue
When a Parent has Cancer, A guide for caring for your children, Wendy Schlessel Harpham, MD
Caring Bridge.org: an online space to connect, share news and receive support.