gordon wainright - teach yourself body language

7/31/2019 Gordon Wainright - Teach Yourself Body Language

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teahyurslf

body lnuer r, wwrht

r ver years, mre tha milli peple have leat ver subjets the c way, with mpressive results

be where yu wat t bewith c


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[

introduc

pa oe sklls d echqe eye cc eye grammar uss of eye contact 11

research into eye contact 13

what our pupils can tach us 1

making ber use of your eyes 1exercises and experimnts 1

facl exesso te range of expressions 1

faces and first impressions talking with your face

fac facts

smie, you'll feel ber 8xercises and experiments

hed mvemes talking has 34

istning hads 3

it dpnds on how you look at it 3

how to us your head 3nod if you want me to continue 38xrciss and expriments 39

geses d by mvm


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vi et your ody do te tg 45

n Morri geture 0

eoewtcg 49 getre yooy

ow to e ody gge exercie d exeret osue d sce

id-redig troug oture I'm te ig of te cte 6

I'm iclied to ie you 6

oture reerc 6

exaggerted oture 64exercie d exerimet 6

oxmy d oeto

etg rrgeet 1

wy do ycitrit hve couce? 74

tatu, roxiity d orietato 75

do't coe y coer makig iterctio eier 8

exercie d exeriet

bodly cotc

odiy cotct d toucig 8

you eed d 88

uggig nd kiig 8

do't u 0eter odily cotct 1

exercie d exeriment

ece d hysque

firt imresio 95

you've go hve tye 97

oig te me from the wome 8

ody shae d size 9

peope change 101

imroving your imae 1

execises and experimen 13


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mg d sychozo vii

time and tide 10 n0

good times and bad times 108 :

silences and pauses 10 1

dovetailing in discussions 110geing a word in edgeways 11

how to use time effectively 11

exercises and experiments 114

body lguge d soke lgge

suppoing what is said 11

speech errors 10

contradicting what is said 10

political body language 10

laugh and the world laughs with you 13


o coexs

body lguge od he wld

cultural differences 18nonverbal universals 130

negotiating styles 131

business as usual 13

what to do when you cant speak

the language 134


body lguge wok occupatioal body language 138

the efective use of meetings 141

aitudes to workmates 14

the BL of industrial relations 143

motivatig others 143

team building 143


vedy coes the first five minutes 148

opening and closing conversations 14


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viii how to spot a liar 1 small talk 110

exercises and experiments 13 eso cto 1

boy eets girl 1take your paners 161

getting on with people 16

star quality 16

how to be more attractive 164


eso deveomet

establishing rappo 16

self-disclosure 1

interactive skills 11

syergy 1

recording body language 13


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In this book you will learn a language which everybody knowsalready. This is the language of the body. Evey time we talk tosomeone else the body supplements what we say with dozens ofsmall gestures, eye movements, changes in posture and facialexpression. The fact that everybody knows this language alreadywill not prevent you from learnng to 'speak it more efectively.Hence the reason for this book.

Most people do not realize just how much they use this

unspoken language every time they communicate with anotherpeson. They use it unconsciously. And so do you. It may be thatyo, too, do not realze it is possble to use body anguage moreeectively . This book will prove otherwise If you read itcaefully and put its guidance into practice, especially throughthe exercises and experiments it contains, you will find youselfbecoming more skilled in the use of body language. Ad alsomore skilled in understandng other peopes use o it.

In the last20 yeas, a great deal of esearch has been carried otin non-verbal ommunication. Workers rom the variousicpies of psychology, sociology, anthropology and linguisticsave tied aspects of human behaviour that appear to have acomnicatve fncton. A number of subdisciplines haveg up kinesics, proxemics and paralinguistics, for instance o provde umbrellas nder which varios kinds of esearchve been undertaken. The result is that we now know a goodal more than we did abot human interaction at the micro

vel. In many cases, what was intuitvely felt to be true on thesis of common sense has been confirmed, bt in others it hasot. The purpose here is to explore this rapidly developing feldo discover what has been learned and to assess the practicalmplications and applicatons of this new knowledge. We have

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2 tended in the past to iew communication between people asalmost excusiely a matte of using language It is time we tookmoe seious account of the impact of nonebal factos in facetoface inteaction

This book sets out to explain what is known fom eseachfindings about the skils and techniques of body langage schas bodily contact, poxmity, oientation, facial expessionsnoneba aspects of speech, and so on It examines how thisknowledge is appied in a aiety of contexts and also how it maybe applied to bette effect The emainde of this intoductionwill, theefoe, oine biely, but in a little moe detail than ispossible in a tabe of contents, the topics that you can expect toencounte late Hopefuly, this wil help to conince you that it

wi be woth you whie to peseee with you eading of thebook and pehaps also to paticipate in some of the pacticaexecises and expeiments which ae suggested at the end of eachchapte In the use of body anguage, as in many othe fieds, atleast as much may be eaned fom doing as fom eading aboutwhat othes do But the main hope in poiding this ouine isthat, by the time you each the end of this intoduction, you wilhae a ceae idea of what is meant by the tem 'body anguage,

what kinds of behaiou it incudes and also, om theiomission, what kinds of behaiou it is meant to incude

ye contact and diection of gaze ae consideed in Chapte 1 They ae aguaby the most potent means of nonebalcommunicaton we possess ye contact maintined a faction ofa second onge than the indidua looked at consdesappopiate can ead to a eaction of physica aggession o, inanothe context, be taken as an indication of sexua attaction

We hae to be cae what we ae dong with ou eyesChapte 2 deas with facia expessions, incuding sming Thesmile is one of the few uniesas in body anguage, as is the'eyebo ash of ecognition and geeting Ou faces may notaways be ou fotnes, but they ae cetainy whee some of themost powel noneba signas oiginate

Head moements and head nos, though sticy speakinggestues, ae consideed sepaatey n Chapte 3. Thei ole insocia inteaction is expained and the mpotance f head nods

when listening to othes is discssed

Gestues an body moements poide the focal point foChapte 4. t is in ths aea that many eseaches hae looked


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for evidence of he exisence of a ody lanuae wih sric ruleslike spoken lanuaes so far wihou success However as weshall see there are some indicaions ha cerain esures incerain culures have uie specific and fixed meanins and anuer of gesure lanuaes do exist such as hose used y deaf

people u here are many and obvious diferences eeenthese and he way gesures are used in normal everyday life

Chapter 5 examines the role of posure and stance in bodylanuae Unil recenly his was houh o e an area moresuied o treatmen in manuals of eiuee ad deportmen uit is now eing taken more seriously as an aspect of ehaviourwhich can e rich in useful nonveral sinals Posure can forinsance e a ood indicator of an individuals sate of mind a

the ime at which communicaion is akin place Chapter 6we look a proximity and orienaion Like posureorienaion can ell us a good deal aou individuals aiudesboth o hose with whom they are communicain and o henature subject and seting of the communication. The concep ofpersonal space is explored toether wih errioriality in humanbehaviour There is also a rief discussion of the concep ofdefensile space and is personal and social importance

Chapter 7 deals wih ody conac and ouchin The maindistinction that is made eween hese wo is one of inen forthe former carries he implication of accidenal ouchin and heltter implies a delierae act Bu he difference is no a riid onend it is perhaps only possile o disinuish he two on the asis which par of he ody is doin he ouchin; touchin impliesht the hands are ein used o make he conac

Chapter 8, appearance and physiue are discussed Simplehnges to hese can have a sinican eec upon an individualsli to interac successflly wih ohers.

ter 9 considers imin and synchronizaion as aspecs ofod languae The imporance of ime in Wesern culure ives n imporan role in communication How well wehronize when alkin wih ohers can also e a major facor cessful ineracionter 10 considers he nonveral aspects of speech. What we an e consideraly affeced y our use delierate ornscious of pauses 'ers 'us chanes in tone pich pace accen o name u a few of he feaures ha are moreortan han many people suppose


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Car 2 xors ro of ody agag occuaossc as rsg, acg, vso rvwg, sss ador fors o coac w c

Car cosdrs s ro varos saos cord vryday , as w as as o dcv ors Asysac aroac o aayzg or os ody aguagdrg sa a s sggsd

Car 4, ao ovs o ar ayd y odyagag sasg ad aag raoss w oos sx cosdrs ow ovra avor ca sdo a a dvda aar or aracv w r sfrsao ad rsso aag

Car 5 cosdrs ro o ody aguag rsoadvo, dscusso of s rol sc aras ascousg ad dvo of racv ss xas

ow cv s of ody agag ca cor o rsoagrowt ad xoao of ua dvo I addo, ro of ody agag dvo o syrgcras (a s, os wc oco s grar a s of dvda s) s xod, ogr w s ro sasg raor, ay ad a ss of ogrss asosggss ow ovra avor ca osrvd adrcordd or aayss

I cocdg car w rvw wa as ard adcosdr aos ad advags of ody lagag as aas o cocag Sggsos or rr radgcol oo ad sold rov o radr wowss o xor sc rr


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c ll l eye contact and directon ofe are te mot potent

mean of nonverba commun

cation we poe eye cotact maintained a

faction of a secod loer

tan te individual ooked at

conider appropriae caead to a reactio of pysical

areio or e ake as aindcation of seal atrao

we ave o look a are

doin wit o eyes


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We begin iproving our astery of body anguage by ooking atthe eyes and at how they are used in the process of everyday facetoface counication We begin with the eyes because they arethe ost powerfu eans of counication we possess, after

words (athough soetimes a singe glance can speak voues,

as they say) This power of the eyes is at its greatest, of course,when two people are ooking at each other (which usualy eanslooking at each others eyes) This i usualy caled utua gazeor, as we shal ca it here, eye contact

hy eye contact shoud be so powerfu is not cear Seeral writerson nonverba coucation (an ateative and more accurateterm fo body language) have specated on the possible reasonsSoe have suggested that, o the cradle, we d other peoples

eyes of copeig terest and wil even respond to sets of circesthat look ike eyes because it is through the eyes that we st haecontact with othes Soe have suggested our response to eyecontact is istctive and coected wth basic survival pattes, ithat yougsters who coud secure and reta eye contact, andtherefore aention, stood the best chance of beg fed and of havigtheir other needs satsed Others have suggested that thesigncance of eye contact is learned and that, as we grow up, we

quickly lea not to sbehave an adut is watcg us o we leathat certai kds of ook te us that peope ike us (or disle us)

Whatever the reasons, the power of eye contact in counication is clear and we shal give ost of our attention hre toconsidering the fors it takes, the uses it can be put to, and how

we can use it ore effectivey First of al, though, et u beginour study of eye cotact with an exercise It wil be hepfu, asyou ead through this book, if you ca find the tie to carry out

the simple exercises and experients described In this way, youwill earn better body anguage in the sae way you would earno impove any other language Here is an exercise in eye contactfor you to try as soon as a suitabe opportunity presents itsefAfe it, we sha discuss the kind of resuts you ight haveexected We sha do this in each chapter so that you wil haveety of opporunities o put the instruction ofered intoactice You wi find it hepfu if, as you work though thisok, you record your responses to the exercises i a notebook

tenatively, if you have a cassette recorder, you may prefer toecord the on tape n this way, you wi have soethig toefer to when you read through the Exercise review, whichllows each aor exercise You wil find that this increases thebeefit you derive fro your study of body anguage

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o

Exercise wat are tey ookig at

Nex ie you re pu pe, ike r or resur,osee he oher peope prese s sreey s you Noehow they ook eh oher whe hey re kig Noe how ogeh perio of eye o is (o ee o e jus ote wheher

he uu ges re sho or og) Do hey spe eir ieookig eh oher or o hey ook rou he oher peopepese? Do hey spe uh ie ookig ojets i he roo?How o hey ret we soeoe eers or eves? Wh ks ofpeope ook eh oher he os ( es) whe hey retkig? How o he pers of eye ot of peope siig sey sie er fro hose of peope siig opposie eh oher?Wh ese o you oe ou pers of eye o?

If your isree oseios re oie y ohers, i wi evise to o he for whie The reso for his is htpeope re i upreite wys o eig whe Soeeoe errsse, soe wi osier you soe so ofetri, others y eoe irrie eve ggressive Youigh ike to speue o why his shou e so Wh is oueig wthe h shou e so isurig? Soe of he possieresos wi e suggese i the ext seio, u you wi fi i

usefu o osier he proe firs yoursef efore you re the

Excis eview

So, wh i you fi o? If he oseos you e were yhigike typi (s iie y he reserh suies o whih his ook isse) you wi proy hve oe soe of he foowig pois:

Whe peope re tkg, hey o o ook eh oher the whoetie, u oy series of ges I pes ike rs resurs soe ie w e spe ookig t oher peope prese, espei y hose who re riveor who y e ehvig oy (eg ruks hose egge iispues wih wier)

Ue he ove reri ppy, ie eio wi e pi to ee of he esshet eve ofieti ovioswi proy oue uerupe whe s re withi ersho (hese usuy hppes i pes ike s hueur-riv rs).

Whe peope py ore eio o ojets i h roo eveo he eoo, y sigify h hey re ore wih theoverso, re ewoers o he pe, or r so fiir wiheh oher (eg hose wo hve ee rrie og tie) th ieoverso is eess (or possie)


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5 Levg or eerg roo es o r eo My peopewho re e errsse ou wkg oe io r or resur e o forge h hs urosy s yp h w ese s soo s soeoe ese eers

6 Those who re hvg ie, perso overso my ook eh oher ore for oger h hose who re o eope sg oppose eh oher w spy ore eye oh hose sg se y se If hose sg se y se esreore eye o hey w ur o fe eh oher

S You wi proy o hve ee oug hs exerse for yues efore soeoe hs oe wh you re og or s es wre h you re o ehvg ory.

Soe of he posse resos why peope f isurg o e

whe y soeoe ese re

The wher y hve he eo of hrg he soe wy Beg whe kes you sk yoursef why you re eg whe,

whh kes you sef-osious herefore ueres yoursef-ofee.

The whe y fee hey ough o reogze he wher fhey o hs y sur he per of her ierio wihohers

They y hk he wher s sexuy re o he yo f h or her rve, whh wou ke he w ovo eye o They wou f hs u, hereforeerrssig or rrg, f he wher oue whg

5 They y e eg rher s y, s peope oe re whe wh oveoes or fres, y fee h he whg srger wissue hey re wys ke h Ths gh e ow o herimges of heseves a ege sophse peope

6 They y ke he whg s sg h he wher ws o oheir group group eers oe o weoe ewoerss his es he sruure of he group The ser he group, hesroger hs feeg y e (wess he popur prover, Twosompy, hree's row)

Eye gamm

Nw tht we he cleted ur frt eerce, le u eee f he fr ee cct c ke d e f he rul htvern t ue e cct c e l l ( he ver gze t ech ther ee) r c hr ( hekg t ee w kw de t lke re )

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can be direc (a bold fullfrontal gaze) or indirec. It can beinermiten (he kind we use in conversaion simply o checkha the oher person has undersood us) or continuous (as in asare).

There are rules abou where we can look a each oher and forhow long. Try looking a someones genital region or down agirls lowcu dress and you will soon realize hat you havebroken a rule. Many people will find it embarrassing jus o readtha last sentence le alone try it ou so rigid is the rule under allbut the mos excepional circumsances.

Too much eye conac can be very unsetling for most people.Saring is usually considered impolie a the very least. The onlypeople who seem o be able to use a frank open stare are youngchidren in whom i may even be regarded favourably as a signof a healthy curiosity about he world.

I is nearly always oleraed in children but some mohers(specially of middleclass backgrounds) may ell children ofschool age ha is rude o stare. I is almost never oleraed inadults and hose who stare are oen regarded as mentallydecien or socially dangerous and hreaening in some way. A

coninuous sare is an easy way o unsele or provoke someone.Most of he rules of eye grammar (as is the case wih all oherforms of body language) are dependen on the conext in whicheye contac occurs. Some however are universal that is to saythey have similar applicability in any conext a any imeanywhere in he world (or almos anywhere). The main onesaccording o Michael Argyle (see Furher Reading a the back ofhe book) and oher researchers are:

Too much eye conac (as in saring or frequen glances atanoher person) is generally regarded as communicaingsuperioriy (or a leas he sense of i) lack of respect a hreaor hreaenig atiude and a wish o insul.

Too litle eye conact is inerpreted as not paying atenionbeing polite beg sincere showing dishonesty or beingshy.

Wihdrawig eye conact by lowering he eyes is usualy taken

as a signal of submission. A person ill look a anoher a o when: they are placed far apar hey are discussing impersonal or easy topics they are ineresed in he oher and heir reactions


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they like or love the other perso they are tryig to domiate or iflece the other I they are extrovert they are depedet on the other ad the other has bee

resposive

A person will look at aother very little whe: they are placed close together they are discssig itimate or diiclt topics they are ot iterested i the others reactios they dot like the other perso the other perso is of higher stats they are itroverted they are sfferig from oe of certai forms of metal

illess

People will commicate with each other more effectively if theiriteractio cotais the amot of eye cotact they both idappropriate to the sitatio

U of y ontatA mber of the ses that we make of eye cotact have already

bee metioed, bt there are others Broaly speakig, most ofthe ses ca be groped ito six categories We establish eyecotact whe we are:

Seekig iformatio Showig attetio ad iterest Ivitig ad cotrollig iteractio4 Domiatig, threateig and iflecig others Providig feeback drig speech

Revealig attieset s examie each of these categories a little more closely Theid of informatio we acqire throg eye cotact cosists ofch thigs as cles abot whether or ot someoe is tellig sthe trth (liars ted to avoid eye cotact ess they are verybaze); whether soeoe likes s or ot; whether te otheron is payig atetio to or erstadig what we say;t a persos state of mid is (people who are depressed or

overted, for istace, tend to avoid eye cotact); ad whether rso recogize s or ot (here, eye contact will be sedether with facial expressio to arrive at a decisio)


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As soon as we ook a someone, hey know hey have ouraenon If we ook at them for onger han a few seconds, hey

w nfer ha hey aso have our neres Eye conac pays a varoe n one aspec of showng aenton and neres n sexuaatraction Consder the probem of indcatng o a sranger ha

you are sexuay aracted o her (or hm) f you are unabe (or tooshy) o ook a her We sha consder he part payed by aaspecs of body anguage n sexua atracton n Chaper 14.

When we ook a someone, we nve hem o nteract wh us Ifhs Qeracon akes pace, eye conact is then used n a numberof ways to conro he naure and duraon of the nteracon Ipays a major roe n synchronzng wha happens beween wopeope

o ony is here more ookng at he other when senng hanwhen speakng, bu eye contac aso sgnas the en of anuterance when one speaker s, as t were, handng the foor overo he other When we gree peope we no ony ook a hem buaso move our eyebrows up and down quicky once Ths'eyebrow fash as s ced occurs wordwde n a varey ofcuures as an ndcaon of recognton and greetng (see Chaper2) When eye conac s broken, another pattern is seen

Indvduas hauay break gaze to ef or to rght tha s,when they ook away, they ook o somehing ese to the rgh orhe e of he speaker There is some evdence to sugges tha eftbreakers tend to be arts rather than sciene-rained and to bevsuazers wh srong magnaton Rght breakers tend o bescence-traned and to have ess visua imagnation Further, ifpeope are posed verba quesons they wi tend to break gaze ohe rght and downwards; f hey are asked spati questons hey

w tend o break to the eft and upwards, thogh this tendencys not as marked Wnkng can aso be used to onro ineractonto ndcae hat somethng is not to be take seios or o showa frendy aude toward the other

Long, unfckerng ooks are used by those who seek to domnate,threaten, nmdae or otherwse infuence others Mn peopedo no ike to fee domnated or threatened so ha, this kndof behavour occurs n stuatons ike negotiions or nterviews,

can have an adverse effect on the outoeFeedback s mportan when peope are speaking o eh otherSpeakers need to be reassured that others re seng andseners need to fee ha ther atentiveness s ppreed ndha speakers are akng to them rather than a the oh sets


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of reurements can e met y the approprate use of eye contactThe eects of eye contact n nterpersonal communcaton areexplored n the exercses at the end of ths chapter.

Atttudes are ofen revealed y the wllngness or otherwse ofone person to provde another wth opportuntes for eye contacteople who le each other engage n ore eye contact than thosewho do not Aggresson an extreme form of domnance may esgnalled y prolonged eye contact the phrase 'eyeall to eyeallconfrontaton coneys what s nvolved here. Shame emarrassment and sorrow are usually characterzed y the delerateavodance of eye contact Other emotos too have typcal eyeehavour. When people are excted ther eyes tend to aerapd scang movements When they are afrad ther eyes

appear to he frozen open as f not to mss the slghtest movementthat may rng danger nearer When people are angry ther eyesnarrow ofen nto lttle more than slts. Sadness s expressed yloong downwards as well as y reducng eye contact and thsseems to happen almost unversally

ar nt y ntat

It s not part of the purpose here to dscuss research methodsand those who are nterested n explorng the suect of eyecontact n more detal should read Ga a Mual Ga yMchael Argyle and Mar Coo (Camrdge Unversty ress).But t s nterestng to note that experments have shown thatpeople especally chldren wll respond even to very smpledrawngs of eyes n much the same way as they respond to eyesthemselves Eye movements when percevng statonary oects

or when readng follow smlar patterns to those used n thepercepton of people There are cultural varatons n eyecontact as we shall see n Chapter . A good deal of evdencehas accumlated to ndcate that greater eye contact leads togreater lng you can actually come to le someone more yengagng n more eye contact wth them

There are consderale ndvdual dferences n the amounts andes of eye contact employed (as for nstance etween ntro

erts and extroverts or men and women) and there s thensequent need to note the context carefully efore attemptng free an terpretaton of the precse meanng of a partcularatern of eye contact atterns of eye contact change wth certannds of mental llness and ths may ecome a dagnostc tool n

o


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the future. Even when people are talg on the telephone, andtherefore caot see each other, eye movement patterns havemany similarites wth those in facetoface communication

In these and other areas, research nto eye contact and eyemovement behavour is revealing that the communcative uses ofthe eyes are many and varied The eyes are coming to be seen asmuch more than 'windows to the soul and t will be useful at thispoint to consder some of the secrets of the eyes that we are onlynow beginning to learn.

Wat or ls an ta sTwo intriguing facts about eye behaviour have been dscoveredin recent years One is that when we see somethng interestingour pupils dlate The other is that we like people with dlatedpupils better than those with contracted pupils.

The first fact was the result of research carried out by EckardHess and reported in his book Th TllTal Ey (Van ostrandReinhold). In hs experiments he showed people a set of fvepctures: a baby, a mother and baby, a nude male, a nde female.and a landscape He measured pupil responses to these picturesand found that mens pupils dilated most to the nude female(except for homosexuals, whose pupls dlated most to the malenude). Womens eyes dilated to the male nude, but dilated mostto the mother and baby His researches established that thesepupl changes equated to peoples interest in the various pictures

Hess also showed people two pictures of the face of an attractivegirl The pictures were identical, but in one the pupils had been

retouched to make hem appear larger. Almost everyone askedthought the picture wth the enlarged pupils was more attractve,but very few were able to say why. It seems, thereore, that while

we respond to pupil changes, we are not aware of their effect onour responses at the conscous level (see Figure 1 . 1 ) .

Ppil responses have also been used to measure attitudes towardsvarious thigs, such as products advertised or political candidates:the more favourable the attitude, the more dilated the pupils. It is

also possible to measure changes in attitude by measuring changesn pupi responses over tme Because pupil changes are not withinour conscous control they provide a very reliable indication ofinterest, araction and a number of derent attitudes.


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@ @:J"- Vfgur fac ar mii. m faar c a i i c r

wa y i k?

Makng br f yr yHow can we use te knd of nformaton gven n te last fewpages to mprove our use of ts aspect of body language?

Frstly, we can become more observant We can, wtout makngt too obvous, pay a lttle more attenton to were oter peopleare lookng and for ow long We can be partcularly oservantabout any canges n pupl sze Ts can clearly be done only

wt people we are pyscally close to We can note te amoutsof eye contact tat te derent ndvduals we meet seem toprefer And we can remember tat we can oen tell tngs aboutoters real tougts and feelngs from ow and were tey look

tat tey would never tnk (or dare) to put nto wordsecondly, we can engage more eye contact n order to promotegreater lkng of ourselves by oters and to produce oter postveresponses

Thrdly, we can rememer tat, on most occasons, a drect,open gaze s preerale to any nt of avodance of eye contact ortendency to look uckly from one tng to anoter (wc maye interpreted y oters as sness on our part)

Next, we can use all te nformaton gven above to ncrease ourenstvty to te kns and amounts of eye contact approprate dferent contexts and avod the extremes of starng or a totalusal to meet someone elses gaze

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o

We can develop positive attitudes towards oher peope since thiswill, quite unconsciously and without any efort, promote amore effective use of eye contact on our part. We can develop amore outgoing approach to other peope for the same reason. Ifyou like people and go out of your way to m with them, this

does seem, quite naturally, to produce a better use of eye contact.Finally, we can use the information given in later chapters aboutother aspects of body language to enable us to integrate betteruse of eye contact into much more effective depoyment of alour non-verbal and verbal commuication skills.

What you shoud do now is to set some time aside over the nextfew days for practising the various uses of eye contact exploredin the exercises which follow.

Exri and xprmnt

wh I' lkig yu

With perso you kow we i eouter provie the with auh eye ott s you without errssig the Do theypper to tke this s sig tht you wt to r on tkig proog the eouter? You shou f i tht they o

2 Srig dw

Stre t soeoe ut they look wy Seect oeoe you owwel eough to out this experimet with but o not te theout it i ve Do ot seet trger tring cn esiy eiterprete s ggressive ehviour n m well provoke

ggression i retur Cosier how you fee peor thisexperimet Ask your sujet how he or sh fet dig our strigHow log pproxitey ws it efore yo bct wy? Ifyou re le to t this experiment with nmb f eople youshou not only e le to expore in mre eti wn eeigsot strig ut shu so e le to coect i lt of usefulifortion out the ture n eect of tring gnll

3 i y ySeet soeoe you know we ie ve mch Ped em tosit own with you ook int yur eye for t mint henisuss wht you oth experiene urig th xim


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Dossh/h ik ?

See rive srger py, igh lu or oher pewhere i is soiy epe for srgers o pproh k toeh oher T o eie fro heir eyes oe s you h sully(if he usi ows) wheher or o hey ike you How oes heir

wiligess (or otheise) to egge i eye o e youresie of how uh hey i ke or isl ike you? Osee oher oupes o ssess he ure of their reiosh ip fro he ou dype of eye o hey egge i How esy or iiu is i o seletjus oe spe of oy guge for oseio i his wy?

o


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In this chapter y wileam u expess

u sn e se s e e e

uess y ues s e eyerw s'

e ree u es y wys e

u ues u ey eey ee se e peu nnerss e


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The study of facal expresson has a long hstory. CharlesDarwn, of Th Oigi f Si and Vyag f h Baglfame, pulshed the frst serous scentfc study, Exi fh Ei i a a ial, n 1872. But physognomyhad exerted many pseudoscientific minds efore that. Several

people tred to prove that facal appearance was a relalendcator of a varety of human trats such as intellgence,crminalty, emotonal stailty and even nsanty. They failed, ofcourse. It smply s not possle to use the face as a relaepredctor of very much at all. What can e done, however, aspresent research ndcates, s to use facal expressons (that s, theface n movement rather than as a static oject) as a means ofganng a etter understandng of what others are communcatng. In ody anguage, the expressveness of the face s secondonly to that of the eyes.

We gan a good deal of our nformaton aout peopes emotonalstates from the expressons on ther faces. Ther atttudes towardsus can e clearly seen, accordng to whether the expressonsshow pleasure or dspleasure, nterest or oredom, fear or anger.

Oen the face s the rst part of a person we look at and soexpressions are used very much in greetngs. One unversal

phenomenon we shall e consderng n ths chapter s the 'eyerowash, as one researcher has termed t. We shall see that facalexpressons are very powerl n controllng the type and amountof communicaton which takes place eeen divduals.

We shall also see that we make personalty and other judgementsaout people on the ass of what we see n ther faces. eopewth attractve faces are often credted wth having a numer ofother attriutes whch they may or may not possess. Comned

with the more effectve use of the eyes, facal expressons cantake us an important stage further n our quest for mastery ofody language.

Exeise smie it kis yoMost of us w hve see, t oe tie or oher, s otie ofthe huorous k tht peope workig i oies soe peswhere the pui re see oe ispy, whih stes: Be

iiut if you ust, u sie if i ki s you The oie kes sseiy serous pot t is tht you toerte ot ofwkwress i soeoe if they show y teir fe tt teygeuiey o ot wish to e wkw withou goo use utother wy, if peope show y her fes tht they e og er

9


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2

(

es o e pes o ohers, hey wi e owe greer exreesof iiu isrupive ehviour h hose who re up esi oh io er

The exerise for his hper, he, is h you shou ep o

prise he essge i he oie For he ex week es greeeveoe you eouer i he ourse of your work wih pessie, s if geuiey pese o see he You o o hve oii ie gri o your fe I is suiie for his exeriseh you es ee peope wih si e

Noe he reios of ohes o your io hey reur hesie? Does he eouer pper o proee eer or worse hi wou ory o? Does yoe pper o e surprise? Or

suspiious? Does he eouer s oger or is i shoer h iwou oheise e?

Of he peope ou ee sever ies urig he week oes herepper o e y hge kig pe i he reioship eweeyou? Is there y ieree i he resposes of e hose ofwoe? Or i hose of he youg hose of he o? Or hoseof superors, oegues suories? Or hose of feowworkes i he orgizio hose of usoers or ies?

Noe your ow reios Di you fi he exerise esy or iiu?Di you fee siy i rig it ou? I f so, why? Di you fi youriues o peope hgig ? Di you fi yoursef speigoger wih peope you isike? Di you fi yoursef isikig hey ess? How o you fee whe ohers si e you?

T o eep wrie or pe reor of s y of the retioss you

Exercise review

Le us ow osier how he exerise hs goe, i iee it hs goe ypiy You wi i l proi ity hve oie se es ofhe foowig pois:

Mos peope wi hve reure yur greeig s e Mos eouers wi he hve roeee ore smothy h

hey wou ory hve oe

Soe peope, espeiy hose with who yu hve etsh ipof uu is ike, w i hve ee surprise ut erhs oupesy y your ew pproh Soe, hweer, wi l hveree wih suspiio wi hve hough theevesWh's he [or she] up o?'


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Eoues wi proy hve ee o s rher oger h heywou oheise hve oe eope e o ow pesureiviy o e prooge wi o shoe upes oe,for firy ovious resos

5 You y we hve fou h, where you hve e ei peope

sever ies urig he wee, your reioships wih he hveiprove i soe wy

6 Woe tee o respo uier ore fvoury h e,if you re f you re wo, he reverse wi proy erue.

Young peope wi hve ene o respo ore rei y h oerpeope.

S Suories o egues wi hve geery respoe eerh superiors, hough eve here your ore posiive pproh wino hve goe uoie y we py o er

Cusoers ies wi proy hve respoe uh orereiy h feow worers is i suh pui o' s i isoe e) h posiive ios suh s siig re piuryipo.

Now, how ou your ow reios? Soe poits ou y hveoe re:

Aer soe iii wwress, you shou hve fou heexerise uie esy o r ou. You shou o hve fe siy urig he exerise. If you i,

perhps ou were no foowing h isruio osey eoughMye you were iie o gri or o eep he sie o your fe ie oo og

You shou hve fou your iues o ohers iprovig eoig ore posiive.

You y we hve foun yoursef speig ore ie wih peopeyou is ie you ight eve hve fou yoursef isiig heju ite ess

5 You us ie i whe ohers sie you, surey? We , reeerh hey wi fee jus s pese whe you sie he

rang of xpron

When yo consider how many mscles there are in the hmanace, it is not srprising that the range o acia expressions wecan prodce is very wide. There are many sbtleties in changeso expression which can be shown consider, or instance, thegreat variety o smiles possible between the Mona Lisas partia

2


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smile and an open grin. However, in communication, acialepressions are most commonly used to epress a degree oemotion and there are a limited number o these most o us canin practice recognie with any relability.

Two American researchers, Paul Eckman and Wallace Friesen,have discovered that there are si principal acal epressonswhich are used to show when people are happy, sad, disgusted,angry, araid and interested (though the last s not really anemotion). They have ound that these are about the onlyemotions most o us are likely to agree about when we see othersepressing them. In ths case, we mght useully look a lttle moreclosely at each o the si.

miles, though wideranging, can be categoried as: slight smiles,normal smils (o the kind we hope you were using in the lasteercise) and broad smiles. In a smile, the mouth is usuallyclosed, but in open smiles the teeth can be showing. A broadsmile with the teeth showing will usually be called a grin andgrins can be classiied as closed (with the teeth together) andopen (with the teeth parted). miles are normally used as agreetng gesture and generally to indicate varying degrees opleasure, amusement and happiness, though in some contets

they can show aggression, sarcasm and other negative eelings.Te converse emotional area, sadness, has no such singleepression to typi it. adness, disappointment and depressonare usually revealed by lack o epression and by such things asturning down o the corners o the mouth, a downward look anda general sagging o the eatures. Etremes o sadness will becharacteried by the appearance o tears, trembling o the lipsand attempts to shield the ace om view.

isgust and contempt are shown by a narrowing o the eyes anda grimacing mouth, which becomes more pronounced withincreasing strength o eeling. The nose will also probably bewrinkled up and the head turned aside to avoi havg to lookat the cause o the reaction.

ger is most commonly characteried by stead gae at thesource o oence, rowning or scowling and a grtt o the

teeth together. ome people go pale when angr, bu others gored and even a purplish color in etreme ange o fry. Thewole body posture will be tense, as i read pg toimmediate oensive action or attack.


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Fear has no single expresson to betray its presence. It may beshown n wide open eyes an open mouth or by a generaltrembling which affects the face as much as the rest of the body.There may even be sgns of perspiraton and a paleness ofcolouring.

Interest is oen indcated by what is called the head coc' holding the head at an angle to the subject of nterest. Interest mayalso be shown by eyes that are wder open than normal and aslightly open mouth (especally common n cildren who havetheir interest taen by something. When people are seated thechn may be propped by the ngers if they are lstenng attentvely.

fgur ca y crrcy iify ac f mi i ra av?(a) ai, () a, (c) i/cm, () ar, () far, (f) ir

2


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These are just some o the many acia epressions to be watchedor and noted in building up mastery o this aspect o bodyanguage (see Figure 2 1 )

Fa and rt mpnIt is said that the most critical period in an encounter betweeno peope is the irst ive minutes ( one writer has even suggestedit is as itte as our minutes) The impressions ormed in this timewi tend to persist and even be reinorced by ater behaviour,which wi tend to be interpreted not objectively but in the ighto these irst impressions We tend to note the occasions onwhich our irst impressions o people were mistaken and had

later to be revised because there are so ew o them ince the aceis one o the irst eatures we notice about a person it can clearlyplay a vital role in the process o estabishing relationships withothers

A gesture which appears almost universaly at the beginning othe greeting phase (especialy when meeting people we knowwel) is the eyebrow ash This consists o a rapid up and downmovement o the eyebrows, with an accompanying smile, and it

seems to show the person we are about to tak to that we arepeased to see them In the case o peope we kow, it seems tooperate as a gesture o recognition It is widely used in bothadvanced and primitive societies

When we irst meet someone and ook at their ace, probaby theirst judgement we make is whether we like them or not; whetherwe nd them attractive or unattractive A good deal o evidencehas been accumuated about what are generally regarded as

attractive acia eatures People shown photographs o a numbero other peope will usually agree on which are the handsomemen and the beautiu women Features that are commonly statedas contributing to attractiveness are we cut and styled hair, ahigh orehead, clear eyes, a smooth compeion even teeth and ageneral symmetry o eatures (athough research has shown thatnoone's eatures are perectly symmetrica)

ut in these irst ew minutes we do more than simply decide

whether or not we like someone We make judgements abouttheir character, personality, inteigence, temperament personalhabits, working abiities, suitability as a riend or over and soon A o this is done on the basis o very itte inormton aboutthe other and yet we are more oen right in these judgements


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than we are wrong. Ask yoursel how oen you recall changingyour irst impression o someone and compare this with the totalo all the people you have met. Alternatively over the net weekkeep a record o all those you meet or the irst time. In a coupleo months' time review the record and decide in how many cases

you had to change these irst impressions. Chances are therewon't be many (see also Chapter 13).

alkng wt yr fa

25

Net to the eyes the ace is the most powerul means by whichwe communicate non-verbally. We use it and others rely on it 2or indications to show how rewarding we are as individualsto epress our emotional state o the moment to ndicate howattentive we are to others and so on. A smile tells people we arepleased to see them a rown warns them o. A downcast looktells them we're not eeling too happy a raised eyebrow and atwist to the mouth shows we are in playl mood. A head cockedon one side shows we are listening. We shut our eyes and thelecturer at the ront o the class knows we have switched o.

We can say quite a lot with our aces. We can use acial epressions

to counicate when words are inappropriate. omeone sayssomething out o place and we try to show in our aces that theyhave commied a fa a a noisy actory words are totallyuseless but a iendly gr gets the message over.

Facial epressions can however be used to reinorce the impacto verbal messages. A mother scolds a child and her ace tells herospring that she really is displeased this time. A group o shopstewards tell the management their reaction to the latest pay

oer and the set o their jaws tells the management to go awayand come up with something better. At an oicial gathering twototally opposed individuals make polite conversation but theirrosty aces betray their mutual animosity.

It is clear om what has been said so ar that the ce's main rolein our use o body language lies in the epression o emotions. Aswe saw earlier there is a limited number o emotions tat can bereliably recogned by observers o the ace. Nevertheless the ace

undoubtedly has a contribution to make not only to theepresson o any emotion but also to the epression o any degreeo emotion no matter how subtle. s s a point whch willapply to the degree that many other pars o the body contributeto our use o body language and we should not mislead ourseves


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into thinkng that many messages are simply and clearly conveyedby one part of the body alone. Most messages re contetdependent when it comes to lly understanding them.

Anothe apec which deseves consideration is how fr rtefactscontribute to nonverbal messages. uch artefcts can includemoustaches beards spectacles earrings and the use of makeup. ince such things change our appearance we eed to takeinto account their eects upo how others will peceive us. Forinstance moustaches will oten be taken to indicate greater agethan a clenshaven upper lip which may be a reason for theirpopularity with young men. Beards may be taken s a sign of anindependent mind which resists pressures to conform. pectaclesoften lead to individuals being credited with greater intelligence

thn they actually possess. Earrings if worn by men may beinterpreted as a sign of eeminacy though some boys currentlywear them as a defiant gesture of emerging masculinity. A girlwho wears heavy makeup risks (often unfounded) conclusionsconcerning he moral standards.

From this we can see that we do not always send he nonverbalmessages we intend to send. The more we are aware of suchpitfalls in the unspoken lnguage of the body the better we shall

be able to use it.

Fa fatResearch into facial epressions has not only eplored their role inepressing emotions; it has also eaned their role in revealingpersonality attitudes towards others seual ttraction andatactiveness the desire to communicate or initiate interaction

and the degree of epressiveness when communicating. It has alsoproduced some other rather interestg nding.

Facial epressions can be aected by a person's stte of health.It has been found that before a woman undergoes childbirth herface shows more signs of aniety and stress though those whohave had a child already usually show fewer sigs. People whohave ulcers frown more thn those who hve't Depressedpatients have been found to smile more widely aer having

electroconvulsive therapy than before it.ierent parts of the face are attended to whe observers reperceiving dierent emotions. Fear is usually looed for in theeyes as is sadness. Happiness is seen in the cheeks d the mouth


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s well s i the eyes. urprise is see i the orehed, eyes dmouth movemets. Ager is perceived rom the pperce othe whole ce d ot just from e brows d the colour o thece s my people suppose

The expressio o e ce, whe people re couicatg, iscosttly chgig. Amogst the chges ew reserch techiqueshve ebled us to ide re micromometry cil expressios.These lst or ctio o secod, s their me implies, d oeidicte perso's true eeligs. For exmple, perso my besyg tht he is plesed to see someoe d my be smiling but myrevel s rue ude wh micromometry expresso odisgust uch expressios re too eetig or most people toperceive them, but they c be cped by the cmer. Reserch

le this oers my possibilities o usig body lguge to discoverwht others re relly g d eelig.

A umber o studies hve bee mde o idividuls' bilties tocopy the cl expressios o others. Most were ble to copybetter with the id o mirror but very xious idividulsteded to do better without mirror. Appretly, o oe hs yetollowed up this reserch by ivestigtig the prcticlpplictios, or exmple, i cousellig wor ome studies

hve lso suggested tht whe idividuls copied smiles they elthppier, which hs some iterestig possibilities tht we shll bestudyig i the ext sectio o this chpter.

iereces hve been observed i the wys me d wome usecil expressios whe commuicting. Wome ted to lughd smile more th me, but more oe becuse they id thesituto slightly ucomortble th out o greter socibili.

People ted to tlk less, me more speech errors d smile morewhe ttemptig to deceive others th whe beig completelyope d hoest. Nurses' bility to deceive by the expressio otheir ces correlted with their subsequet eectiveess i theirwor, s judged by superiors. ice urses oe hve to cocelrom ill ptiets just how ill they re, ths idig is perhps otsurprisig but it does suggest tht people, lie urses, who spedtheir worig lives delig with other people should receivetriig i the use o body lguge.

Oe psychologst hs ound tht people judge thigs such scrmiality rom the ce. A umber o photogrphs o iocetpeople were show d subjects were sed to llocte suchrmes s rmed robbery d rpe to the pproprte ces. A

27


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signicant number o people or instance picked out oneunortunate innocent as a rapist Research like this tends to makeone uneasy not only about say police identication parades butalso about the sgnals we may unwittingly be sending to othersabout our own attitudes personality and behaviou

Sm l, y' fl brBecause the smile is probably the most universally used and themost positive acial epression it will be useul if we eamine itn a lttle more detal here Smiles are used all over the world toindicate or relect pleasure or happiness Even childen who havebeen blind rom birth smile when they are pleased Smiles are

also used to show reassurance amusement and even ridicule Weshall be concerned here with the positive uses to whch smilescan be put

Smiles are rarely used delberately but they can be Eperimentshave shown that if individuals ae asked to smile and are thenshown pictures o varous events they report that the picturesplease them and even make them eel elated f ndividuals areasked to frown during the same kind o eperment they report

epeiencing eelngs of annoyance and even anger Researchlike this pehaps provides some scentiic suppot for the popularsaying augh and the world laughs wth you'

Smiles can also be used to mask other emotion athlete wholoses to a particulaly disliked opponent will tll try to smilebravely to hide his disappontment A smle may also be asubmissive esponse to wad of anothe's ack Those whowork n occupations that bring them nto ontat with the

public such as receptionists or arcat cabn ew ae trained touse smles to eassure clent and pasenge lng may beused to make a tense situaton more comfoe A mle willtend to call orth a smile fom the othe peo thus easeaway the tenson

The best time to test the power of the sle e yo leat eellike smiling whether through illness o depeo oe a smileon to your ace and keep it hee fo a long a oble ach me

the smile disappears wait a ew minutes ad te in Withina short time you should notce a distnc poven how youeel This technique will not always work b ve o wll andis certainly at least worth a ry Of all the faca eon ha weuse the smile is the one most woth encouag oelve


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Exr and xprmnt

Good orning word

There re two versions of this exeriment one for the timi n onefor the o The tim shou see peope hey know, he o nt it on nyone hey meet When you go out omorrow moing, ono sme when greeng peope ou meet in the sreet Coun howmny smie The foowing morning smie wrmy in greeting teveone you meet Count how mny reurn your smie Whts theierene? The o wi fin he gretest erene Its surprisinghow mny strngers wi smi if you smi e first Its s if they wnt to the ime u re just ite fri to tke the initive

2 c xrcissTo eveop muse one (get ri of fness n sgging fe), teh of these exerises for one mnute eve y:

a Sting from the fe t rest, grin bro, referby iing theeyerows t he sme time

Sing from the fe t rest, uker the ps into tight roun c Sting from the fe t rest, if the hin s h igh s i t wi go, rse

your eyerows n terntey rin n puker

Do these exerises in front of mirror if you n

3 Sop frowningWhenever you hve ny onentrting o o, pe your m rossyour forehe If you fin you re frowning, sto t If ou hve omove your fe t , t rising your eyerows so tht your forehe

reses horizonty rher thn veiy You wi fin ht one resuof his exerise is o mke you ess prone to hehes

Show yor flings

In front of mirror, prtise eh of the foowing emotions insequene:

a hppiness

snessc surprise isguste fer nger


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If ou cn cur th coortion of omon l, if th cnintif ch motion from our rion. V th unc tom th t itt mor iicult for thm. Thi rci will t ouhow wll ou or fl ing t wi ll lo tll ou how goo ournr i t rcognizing motion You cn rvr rol onc our

nr h ful gr th ntr of th rci n o m vnb b to involv oth It cn m ufu littl gm, withoint givn for ccurc in rcognition.

Is you fc you foun?

Colct i hotogrh of ol fc, on of which houl b wll nown rctiv fim or tr. Show thm to lrg numbrof ol oib l n thm to rt th ttrctivn of chfc on c of to 0 Do ou fin othr rting gr with ourown? Do th tn to gr on th mot ttrctiv fc mongt thi? Th rci houl rovi om fcinting inight intool rction of othr

6 ow ny fcs?Stu th fc of tho ou mt. Cn th b cifi i nto tp?

Do imir on croing u? Or i v on uniu?


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:O <

In this chapte y will lea

ead movement and eadnod are conidered teir le in ocial intection i

epained and te impoance

of ead nod wen itenin to

ote i eplained


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Exercise on te od

Beuse the he o is suh oo oveet, it wi e usefufor us to se the i hpter exerise o it. Seet ovestiowith soeoe you ow we A they t, o your heeourgigy. Do they see to o ore of the tig or ess?

O other osio, with the se perso, s they tl o ot oyour hed t . Do they see to o ore of the tig or ess?

Aer eh overstio, reord your ipressios i your oteooor o tpe.

Repet the exerise with strger reord your ipressiosi the se wy

Now, prefery with the se peope, o for hf the overstio the stop. Wht hppes?

Note dow your ow feeigs out the exerise. Di you fi itesy or iiut to o? Whi ps were the esiest d whih theost iiut?

Cosider how other people se ods whe they re tlig to you .Osee iteiewers o televisio, prefery with the soutured . Wht ids o thigs o you otie out odigehviour? Do peop le od ost whe tig or isteig? Why oyou thi this is? Are there y other thigs you otie out thewys peope se ods i fe--e ouitio?

Execise eview

Now et us loo t wht you ight hve isovered. The oetsoered here wil so e reevt whe we retur to the sujet of

ed ods lter i this hpter.I the irst p of the eerise, oddig your hed shoud hveeourged the other perso to spe ore d or oger. Refusigto od shou hve resulted i the other perso dig up eigthe overstio ve uily You shou hve hd the seexperiees whe oversig with strger, exept tht you yhve otie tht the strger stoppe tlig uier whe heods re set th soeoe you ow we .

Whe you were oig or h the overstio d ot or theoter hf, you shoud hve see siilr resposes. The first hlf ofte overstio wi ost eiy hve goe uh eer th theseod hf. The other perso wil hve overse uh ore freelyd esily whe you were oig th whe you were ot.


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As r s your ow eeigs re oere, you wil most eiyhve elt more omoe t ese whe you were lowe to oI t you my eve hve ou it i mposse ot to o t imes.

I osig other peope's odig ehviour, you soul hveotie tht most peope o muh more whe they re listeigth whe they re tkig Televisio iteiewers, or ste, owhe they re l isteig to iteiewees' swers preisely euse ieourges them o ope up d tk more uy out the ujetNoig, s we sh see ter, is mjor wy o showig tht we retteig to wh other peo is syig

alkng adAs with other aspects of body laguage, head movemets ca beused for a variety of purposes. They ca be used to idicateattitudes, to replace speech ad to support what is said. They caeve cotradict what is said ad i this happe, as otherforms of body talk, what the head movemets say will bebeeved i preferece to the word uttered.

Let us, for eample, take the role of head movemets iepressig, whether cosciously or ucosciously, a perso'sattitudes. Whe the head is held high ad possibly tilted slightlybackward, this is oe iterpreted as beig prompted by ahaughty ad eve aggressve attitude ( accompaied by suchthigs as a fied stare, a curl to the lips ad a uusually red or occasioally white face) . A lowered head idicatessubmissiveess or humility or eve depressio (if accompaiedby such factors as slow ad irequet lowvoiced speech, ageeral saggig i posture ad a avoidace of eye cotact).

Head movemets have a iterestig use as speech markers.light head ods, sweeps to oe side ad chi thrusts act asstresses, whe speakig, to place emphasis o certai words adphrases. The kid of cotet i which this type of behaviour ismost readily observed is the public speech, where it is ecessaryto have rather more dramatic emphasis tha i everydaycoversatio. This applies to gestures, too.

The head ca be used to poit i those situatios whch figerpoitig would be cosidered iappropriate or eve rude. Thehead is moved to idicate the directio i which oe watssomeoe to look or move. It is also oe used by the chairs ofmeetigs to idicate who is the et perso to have his or herpermissio to speak.


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It s teestig to wtch people's heads as they ae speakig(televso wthot the sod s a good medm to se) odeto obseve the small bt hythmc movemets made by the head accompamet to speech. If yo do ths, see f yo ca, fostace, match the head movemet to the ed of a setece. It

s omaly maked by a sight dowwad movemet, with asight pase befoe the head moves agai.

steng eads

e have aleady ecoteed the se of the head od lstegbehavio ( the execise at the begig of ths chapte) ad, 8becase it is of sch key mpotace to o mastey of bodyagage, we shall et to t at the ed. t thee ae othebehavos that ae mpotat to effciet lsteig.

e of these s the drecto whch the head s potg It isaways difficlt to accept that someoe is steg to s f theyae lookig away fom s. If they are deed listeig, we expectthat they will at least be lookg at s. hy this shold be s isot clear becase it s obvosly qte possible to be lsteigetly eve f yo eyes ae closed ad yo are facig i the

opposite diectio. Nevetheless, listeing, like many othethigs, it appears, mst ot oly be doe bt mst be seen to bedoe.

othe behavio is the head cock', holding the head at a tiltedagle to the perso beig listeed to (Fige 3.1). It is sed verymch by aimas, especially dogs, and also by chlden, whoeve se it whe speakig to aother perso whose attetiothey ae seekig to secre almost as if they wee showig the

othe perso how he or she oght to be behavig f they were toexhbit the desired degee of attetio.

Whe we are liteig to othes we tend unconsciosy to copythei head movements. It is almost as if we wish to demonstratea commoality of interest by a commoality of behaviour.

It is also qite commo, whe listeig i a reasoably intimatesettng, to bing the head closer to the perso being listened to.

The (or headtohead talk) ca eve become literallyte n the case of lovers whispering qiety to each other.Physical coseess is sed as a idication of itellectal andemotonal closeness.


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3

fgur w vri f a cck

When listening in a seated position, the head is oten propped bythe thmb and the irst two ingers o the hand. This is widelyinterpreted by speakers as a sign o intelligent interest. Care mstbe taken, however, or i the chin is propped in the palm (and

especially if the eyelids begin to droop) it may be taken as anindication o boredom, with both the speaker and what he or sheis saying.

Eicient listening, then, is by no means rely passive. activese o the kind o behavior otlined above can help to showspeakers that they are receivg yor ll and ndivided attention or that they are not.

It dpd n ow y lk at tThe orienttion o yor head when looking at people can have amarked eect pon their interpretation o yor behavior. Oneo the reasons that makes it possibe or yo to look at someoneot o the corner o yor eye is that, as indicated above, peoplewil expect the ocs o yor attention to be where yo arelooking. This is not inalibe, however, and i the direction o

gae is too obviosly at variance with the direction o the heador i sideways gances are too ong or too reqent they will bespotted.


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Althogh ndect obsevaton s feqently not a socallyacceptable actvty, sng head movements to ndcate a lack ofseosness n one's atttdes may well be. Tltng the head to onesde (n a smla manne to the head cock descbed above) canbe sed to ndcate that what one s sayng s not ntended to be

taken seosly. It can also be sed as an appealng geste,patclaly by yong attactve gls when talkng to yong menn a fltatos o playfl manne. It may be sed n geetings,accompaned by the eyebow flash' dscssed n Chapte 2, node to acheve an exta degee of fendlness n the geetng.

The head can be sed aggessvely. Thst foad fom thesholdes, t poses a theat to an opponent and, n the oftenhofyng tactc of the teenage hoolgan n the fom of a

headbtt, t can even be sed as a weapon. Less aggessvepeople, lke poltcans makng focel speeches, can se thehead n small shap downwads movements to add emphass topatcla wods and phases.

Thee ae sex dfeences n the se of head movements, as nmany othe aspects of the se of body langage. omen se hehead cock moe than men and ae often shown n advetsementsand magazne pctes wth tlted heads. Men tlt the heads

fowad n a geetng nod moe than women. omen ae moefeqently obseved wth the head loweed n a sbmssvegeste than ae men. It may be that sch dffeences nbehavo ae nonvebal makes n socal nteacton ofdfeences n gende. It may also be that, as women becomenceasngly lbeated, sch dfeences between the sexes wllbecome less maked.

How o yor ads we have seen, yo can se yo head fo many moe thngsthan jst keepng yo eas apat. In ths secton we wll evewwhat we have leaned abot head movements and hghlghtthose that we can make pactcal se of n the fte.

Fst of all, head movements ae sefl as a means of socalacknowledgement. Men tend to se a nod to sgnf that they

have seen and ecognzed someone; women tend to se a headtlt. Thee s no eason why these behavos shold contnenchanged n the te, bt t may be moe effectve socally tofollow the conventon of the company n whch yo fndyoself.

7

3


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Hed movemets ca be sed to becko someoe ccmstaces whee a shot o eve a wave wold be appopate.Ths beckog movemet takes the fom of a dagoal thowgback of the head ad my be epeated seveal tmes, depedgo the gecy of the come hee' eqest.

To expess dobt o elctace, he head s sometmes swayed oocked fom sde to sde, as f weghg a eqest o apoposto the balace. To expess dsda o haghtess, tmay be tossed o shake, mch the same way that a defathose tosses ts head. Ths geste s pobably moe feqetlysed by wome tha me. A geste moe commoly sed byme s the head swvel, whch takes the fom of tg the headto look at the object o peso ewly obseved. It ofte occs

whe a ma catches sght of, o has hs atteto daw to thepesece of, a attactve woma.

kg, accompaed by a shot, shap dowwad tlt of thehead to oe sde, s a sefl geste. It ca show that a statemets ot meat to be take seosly. It ca be hmooslycospatoal, sayg Yo ad I ae ths togethe', o, Thss a secet betwee the two of s'. It ca smpy be sed as ageste of fedy socl ackowledgemet.

Head movemets ca expess atttdes ad t may be bette,theefoe, less yo wat to appea hmble o sbmssve, tohold yo head easoably eect. Ths wl also ted to ecoagegood poste.

Nd f y want m t ntn

The head od sgfes ageemet, appoval, acceptace,cotg tteto ad destadg ccodg to the cotext whch t s sed. oadly speakg, the stegth of the od(that s, the degee of p ad dow movemet) decles thoghthese categoes.

The lagest ods saly dcate ageemet, whlst the sghtestods ca povde a speake wth feedback o how wel he sbeg destood. As wth othe body movemets, howeve, the

fthe away the speake s, the geate the degee of movemethas to be ode to be accately peceved.

The least obvos, ad yet may ways the most eectve, seof the head od s showg coted atteto. As yopobably fod the execses at the begg of ths chapte,


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oddg faly feqetly (bt ot cotosly) whe someoe 9s speak encoages them to speak fo loge ad to say moe.A mbe of eseach stdes have qantfed ths ad have (show that the amot of speech that ca be geeated ths 3way ca be thee o fo tmes geate tha omal. It s a fdg

3whch s of mpotat pactcal vale to the pocess of makgtevews ad dscssos moe podctve ad effectve. efsal by a lstee to od ca case a speake to dy pcompletely wthot kowg why, apat fom expeecng avage feelg that the lstee was ot eally attedg, even f heo she was lookg at the speake most of the tme.

Tag coses the se of body agage shold make a apatcla pot of showg these vaos ses of the head od.

It s a techqe whch has an mpotace qte ot ofpopoto to ts appaent sgfcance. I ths t s compaableto the techqes of sng eye cotact dscssed Chapte 1 ands commony sed by a lstee combato wth a ceasedamot of eye cotact.

Noddg s also mpotat, as we have see, eabng aspeake, especaly a pblc speake, to emphase patclawods ad phases. Hee, t eeds to be sed wth some degee

o dscmnaton. thewse t ca, ke ay othe technqe ogvng emphass to statemets, ose mch of ts eect. Too mchepetto emoves the mpact of ay emphasg technqe.

As men ted to se head ods moe tha women, t may well besefl fo women to pactse sg head ods athe moe.Howeve, thee s some evdence to sggest that wome aethoght to be bette lstees tha men ad ths may mean thatit s oly when speakng that women eed to se moe head

nods.

Exr and xrmnt

d cock

Loo for stes were oter peope use e os Wt yougre who ve ot yet ee to spe fuety, if you Tey

see to e ore use of boy guge, ost ey beuseof ter of ver s I your eouters wt otes t usghe os e ore to sow teest Dot e te tooobvous or exggete or te esut w spy oo s y You soufi peope beg to spek to you oe


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2 Tet-a-tet

Loo fo xmpls of popl tlig with thi hds toching o vcos togth Is it oy lovs who covs i this wy? Yo shodfid tht thos who wt to pvnt othrs ovhig hm pthi hds cos togth fo xmp, bsissm, o gop

t ig d iry stois (ot how th tt ov p whn ghig th pnch l i).

3 d dncWtch discssion pogmm withot th sond nd coctton th picips hd movmts. Not how th slight movmtsp, to th l, to th ight, nd dow sm to hv p to thm.

Not lso how th nd of sntnc sms to b mtchd not oywith ps bt lso with downwd movmnt of th hd.

Wh cn your hd s

sig th ifomtio g ivn i this chpt d ny oth socs yocn fid, m ist of th mssgs tht hd movmts onc convy to othrs B mmb, it mst b th hd o.


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I t captr w a tus nd by mmnts

de te f nt th ndtns tt

n estu n nuus h qut fn xd mnn

nub su nus

xt uh th uby t df


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2 It is n the se of gestes tht o mstery of body lnguge cnchieve el eoqence Eye contct, fcil expession nd hedmovements, thogh of vit impotnce, hve cetin littions.Gestes pemit degee of expessveness nd sbtlety tht is notpossible with othe spects of non-vebl commniction. It is the

se of gestes to convey meng tht most peope thi of whenthey t ot body lngge nd in tis chpte we shll considethe viety of messges fo which gestres cn be the vehices.

Sevel wites hve ttempted t clssi geses int ctegoies.Miche Agye hs sggested tht thee e ve dieent nctionstht gestes cn seve:

sttions nd ohe speech-lined signs

conventionl signs nd sign lngges vements tht expess emotions movements tht expess pesonlity movements tht e sed in vios eligios nd othe itls.

Pl Ecmn nd Wllce Fiesen hve so sggested hat heee five gopings, bt thei ctegoies e:

emblems (movements tht e sbstittes fo wods) illsttos (movements tht ccompny speech) egltos (movements tht mintin o signl chnge in

peson's listening o speing ole) dptos (movements sch s sctching one's hed, ubbing

one's hnds o fiddling with objects, which tend to cst lightpon peson's emotionl stte)

ect dispys (movements tht moe dectly evel emotions, asfcil expessions do).

Howeve they e clssied, gestres cn be sed t expess nge

of ttitdes, emotions nd othe messages. chel Agye quotes numbe of conventionl gestres tht seem to hve lmostnives meangs. Emples e shing the st to show ange,ubbing the palms togethe in nticiption, clpping s sign ofappoval, aising ones hnd to ga ention, ywning out ofboedom, pg someone on the ac to encoge them, andbbing the stomach to indicte hge. Ged Nieenbeg ndHey Cleo sugges tht gestres e used in expessing, mongst

many othe hgs, openness, defensiveness, ediness, essnce,strtion, condence, nervousness, cceptnce, expectancy,eltionsps nd suspicion. They show tat these gestres are usedeven in siations wich the oter peson cnnot be seen, aswhen makg a telephone cal or using tape ecode.


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t is this ichness of sient commniction tht we shl nowbegin to expoe Bt fist, s in othe chptes, let s ttempt nexecise which wil pt s in the ght fme of mind fo wht iso come

Exercise: eeday mimeid itti tht y c b whr pp ctcict with ch thr by ig wrd, bc it i tiy, bc i c i c, bc thy r t fr pt hr ch hr, r bc thr i thr brrir tp cicti. xpl igt icd iy fct, tdi, rtrt, bidg it, hpi, ibr r xiti hl fr, d t dw, gtr d i ch

ctxt t ttrct ttti, t dirct, t tl thr i tph c fr th, t bc, t grt d bid gdby, tidict pg f ti, t p i, d t cvy y hrg tht gtur c b d fr

Wht iiriti d differc d y tic? Wht xp fpci cd d y cr? Hw ccf d grs t b f citi? Wht r thirdvtg? Wht r hir i ittis?

Hw f r gurs wh citg with whode t p yr gug? Wht ids of ed r r t iy b cvyd by gtr? Whih r th t dic txpr? Which r ipib t expr? Hw w d wordtrst it gesurs? How wl c gs xpr oti?Hw w c thy exp r r det ifrti?

A fhr rtive, if y c sr h cprti f grup f pp (for is, if y r br f cl whichi ig thi bk), yu py chrds r vri f th gi whch tw ts t gs th tite of fi, hw riprgr or boo d g pi for edg withi tiiit f, y, w iuts Thi be o y god xrcs g gr bu s grt f thre i , r l , ro t why rig hud b jyb

Wht kid f tui r tit r sie o g fr gtr

? Wh id f pp r bt t cictig thrghgr? Why d pp b ipb f gig g vr thrugh gtr? Wh r th srt f csfchrd pyig? Hw y idi the ky et i itir ti fr cii hrgh gr bdy vt?


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Exercise review

Where you otie siir gestures eig use i wiey ieretotes, you hve proy witesse uiversl' gestures orovtiol getures of th i referre to rlir You shou hveotie tht gestures eoe ore eierte eve exggerte

with iresig iste etwee those ivove You ight hveotie ieree i the gestures use ioors those useoutoors, with ioor gestures ig ore otroe sute . Youy hv otie ierees etwee e wo, uts hir ( fsitig r for gsture stuy is of ve youg hi ret pygrup) or peop i iret socil css i the gesturethey use; tht the gestures use urig yti ir fro thoseuse t ight, s o gestures use t wor thos use i leisure

otextsYou wi proy hve fou tht peope t wor see to hve theirow os for the eigs of gestures This i piy otieei pe i stuios, wher ilee o the p of o-piiptstuio floor st is esstil. You y hve coue tht gesturere usefu ut tht their usfuess hs ci iittios Thevtges of gesture r tht they ssist ouitio wherpeop ot se to ch othr esiy, thy c t s i of

oviet shoh thy c iterstig egree ofexpresiveess to vy ocil itertio Thir restritio rtht the out of ifortio thy ovy s liite, eithigs ot ouict y getur lo (try xpi ig your ress y gsture oe), i ci cotexts they ipy e usuitle (for exple, to wr soeoe ofipeig ger) If you hv e le to o people ofiffrt lguges tig to cvrse you wil l lt ciy hvoti tht thy rey hvily o gstur

Sipe, bsic ees with which vo i fil ir (l huger thrst) r sier to couit th oplx r sohitite o(suh the loctio of th bt ight u or culr r ofprouct which is ot o isly). Soe eg y so og ivov s to efy couictio y gstur t l eerypig, ou vrb trlt or iy ito gsturs thctv vr thr wrs. stur r roly otuseful i xpressig ttitu otio, whic i tru for otother pcts of oy gug.

If you plye hr or th title-guessig g, you prolyfou tht situtio or tits whih oti rfrc to tio oroveet were esier to ouite y gestur th tho


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referrig o sr qui ies (ie ruh jusie eory e ieor o sio oes ( ie house ro fee hir youusu y ee o gesure he shpe of higs ie his whih is heig ie) You proy fou h ougoig soie peope reeer his i of ge h he shy reirig hough oe he

er hve hie es whih oy ee rigig ou Soe peopere so sef-osious hey o ouie i his wy Thisoo shou hep suh peope rex eve if hey o' uy oy of he exerises The seres of suessfu hres pyig pory of ies re o oee o ios ovee heo shpes he o hose eees siir o oher iviies h e esiy oveye y gesures (suh a geig he Te' ross ygesurig wggig i i C C iy is expe of ve iiu wor o ovey u os peope wi guess i if hey gehe firs hree wors).

t yor bdy do t talkngAny prt of the body cn be sed to me gestre. We hvelredy considered the se of the hed (see Chpte 3 ) . If here wewor or wy down the rest of the body, we shll be be toidenti most of the other gestres nd body movements ththve commnictive vle.

This spect of body lngge is slly clled kiiThis is term coined by n Americn resercher, Ry Birdwhistell, whows one of the first to tdy bodymotion commniction whenserios interest in it begn in the lte 1 940s . A ki is the smllestobservble nit of body movement nd inesics refers to thescientific stdy of gestres nd other body movements.

The most common sholder movement is the shrg, whichslly conveys the messges I dont now, I dont cre , I mdobtfl, or Wht cn yo do? (i.e. this sittion is rellyhopeless) . It is n p nd down movement of both sholders ndmy be ccompnied by pproprite faci expressions nd hemovements. A single sholder being shrgged slly mens,Te yor hnd of my rm (or sholder) or Leve me lone .

The chest cn be pffed ot s gestre of pride or chievement

bt it is commonly only sed in hmoros nd selfmocingwy. Someone who sed it seriosly wold probbly beconsidered conceited.


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The stomch cn be sced in s if to sy, I m elly fit o Imnot s ft s I loo. Even thogh men do tend nconsciosly tohold thei stomchs in when in the pesence of n ttctive gil,this geste is lso sed ony hlf-seiosly.

The pelvis nd the bttocs cn be sed to me gestes, btmost of them e intepeted by othes s sexl invittions nde often consideed obscene. Pehps if yo need to se schgestes s invittions it is sign tht yo mstey of bodylngge is, to sy the lest, nsophisticted.

The ms, hnds nd finges e sed fo get viety ofgestes, nd we will loo t some of these in ittle moe detilin the next section. We shll be selective fo it wold simpy not

be pcticble to conside ll the possibilities. One inteestinghnd geste, howeve, is lng In this the tips of the fingese plced togethe in wht esembles n ttitde of pyeexcept tht the plms e ept wel pt. Nieenbeg nd Cleoqote this s geste which signifies confidence, o t lest desie to me listene thin one feels confident.

Legs cn be cossed o ncossed nd mny wites hve tied topt ll inds of messges into these gestes. It my be n

exggetion to sggest tht when womn cosses he legs ndplls he sit down to cove he nees she is ctting off thepossibility of n ppoch, bt it is inteesting tht women willslly sit with thei legs cossed even when they cstomilywe jens o toses. Men seem to be qite hppy on occsionto longe ond in n openlegged poste.

Feet cn be inteesting. When they tp o twitch they cn beexmples of lakag, tht is, peson is tying to concel some

ttitde o infomtion fom othes nd is not qite scceeding.Someone who plys poe eglly my lwys now when oneof his fiends hs good hnd becse, despite hving thetditionl give-nothing-wy poefce, his foot twitches.Sch lege slly occs in the owe hlf of the body,pobbly becse we te moe toble to contol things liefcil expessions.

Anothe inteesting phenomenon is the gual h Wtch

gop of people convesing nd note how, when one peson ses geste, othes will se it lte. As we shll see in the nextchpte, something simil hppens with postue. It lsohppens, incidentally, with wods duing convestions.


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Mrrs's gstr apsDesmond Mois ws vey popl wite on the sbject ofnon-vebl commniction. He nd tem of eseches fomOxfod Univesity pblished gide to the oigins nddistibtion of 20 selected gestes. Fom infomtion gtheedfom 40 plces coss Eope, they wee ble to identi howcommonly ech of the gestes occed nd wht meningswee ttched to them. Thei findings indicte how mpotnt itoften is to now the context in which geste is sed befoetying to intepet its mening. They lso show h geste inone pt of Eope cn sometimes hve the opposite meningfom its sl mening in nothe. Some of these e illsttedin Fige 4.1.

The fist geste Mois's tem stdied ws the Fingi KiInthis, the tips of the finges nd thmb e issed nd then thehnd is moved qicly wy om the moth nd the fingessped ot. It is symbolic of the moth iss, which is gestesed ll ove the wold to show ffection. The geste is mostcommonly sed to indicte pise in Spin, Fnce, Gemny ndGeece. In Potgl, Sdini nd Sicily it is sed s geeting.Its se is eltively e in the Bitish Isles nd in Itly.

A geste which ppeed to hve common mening ll oveEope ws the N Thub, in which the thmb is plced onthe end of the nose nd he finges e fnned ot nd sometimeswggled. It is genelly sed s geste of mocey o inslt.

The Fing C, in which the fist nd middle finges etwisted ond ech othe nd the emining finges e heldnde the thmb, in contst, hs sevel menings. Its min

ppose is s geste of potection When someone tells liethey will coss thei finges (sometimes sing both hnds) in thespestitios belief tht his will pevent the wh of the godsflling on them fo thei deceit. This mening is most common inthe Bitish Isles nd Scndinvi. In Tey, the geste is sedto be fiendship. Elsewhee it is sed to indicte thtsomething is good o OK, to swe n oth, o s symbo focopltion.

The Eyli Pu, in which the foefinge is plced on thecheebone nd pled down to open the eye little wide, mensI m let' in Fnce, Gemny, Ygosvi nd Tey. InSpin nd Itly, it mens Be let'. In Asti, it ws fond tosignl boedom.

7


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J33C

som om mon sts


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The Ne Ta, in which the forefinger is tpped on the side ofthe nose, conveys complicity, confidentility or n instrction tomintin secrecy in the British Isles nd Srdini. I Itly, itmens Be let ' If the tp is to the front of the nose, it cn menMind yor own bsiness' in the British Isles, Hollnd nd

Astri.The gestre mps tht Desmond Morris nd his tem constrctedfor their 20 selected gestres were, to sy the lest, fscinting.Bt they cn hve prcticl vle s well. For insnce, onegestre, The Thub U, is widely sed to reqest ifs by hitchhiers the world over. If they re trvelling thogh prts ofBelgim, Sicily, Srdini, Mlt or Greece, however, they sholdbe wre tht it my be inerpreted s sexl inslt.

oplwatngMny other people hve crried ot observtions nd reserchinto gestres since t lest 1 600, nd the stdy of gestre cn besid to dte bc to Ancient Rome, with Cicero's De OaePeople hve been wtching other people nd recording ndinterpreting their gestres for very long time indeed.

Recent resech hs been ore scientific nd systemtic. Mchof it hs focsed on wht hppens when body ngge is notsed normly. Psychitic ptients, s one of thei symptos,exhibit vritions of non-vebl behvior which, by the veryfct of being ns, reflect sef light on wht is cstomryin everydy socil interction. From sch clinicl stdies the lteAbert Scheflen, distingished Americn psychitist, identifiedwht he cled quauh behavu These re behvios

which re norm in the cortship by one person of nother, btwhich enty ill ptients ofen se inppropitey towdstheir therpists o other ptients they cn, howeve, so beobseved in eveydy life when one peson is ttrcted tonother. Cortship rediness is slly signlled by sch thingss high sce tone, edced eyebgginess nd jow sg,decresed soch, nd ess stomch nd shoder sg. Preeningbehviors cn be observed these inclde stoing one's hi,

stightening one's tie o other clothing, nd e-pplying mep. There re lso ctions of ppel or invittion sch sflirttios glnces, eg-crossing to expose thigh, nd so on.

9


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Othe esech hs identified phenomenon nown s gualychyAs peson spes, his o he bodily movements eeppce in ind of dnce with the hythms of speech. Listenes'movements lso dnce to the sme tne', s it wee, s thespee's I mentlly ill ptients, this hythm is missing nothe

illsttion of how we only notice the existence of somethingwhen it is not thee: conspicos by its bsence, in fct.

Emn nd Fiesen noted tht cetin gestes ccompny cetinttitdes. A otting shg of the hnds ccompnies feeings ofncetinty nd confsion. A hnd toss goes with the expessionof feeling nbe to contol one's behvio. Repetitios footsliding is noticeble when ptients e dmitted to psychiticinstittios whees, on leving, foot gestes e genelly moe

vied nd ctive.One esech tem fond tht whee peope e ctive, withmny non-vebl movements, they will be ted s wm, moecsl, geebe nd enegetic. When the sme people e stil,with few movements, they will be consideed moe logicl, codnd nlytic. It is inteesting to note the eqtion of movementwith enegy. Clely, if yo wnt to give n impession of divend enthsism, sy, in n inteview, yo cn do it by incesed

se of gestes.Some inteesting stdies hve been mde of eglities in the ctof ting leve of someone. In the lst minte o so of nenconte, the person seeing to end it beks eye contct, ensfowd nd nods feqeny. The pe of such ctivity occus inthe st 15 seconds befoe stnding. If one is not then eesedfom the encounte degee of fsttion is expeienced becuseit mens the whoe pocede hs to be gone though gin. A

cee exmple of the impotnce of ttending to othes' signswold be diict to find.

Gt pylgyThe inds of gestues tht individls se cn be elted to, ndcn vy with, other psychologicl fctos. Fo instnce,pesonlity hs med effect pon the numbes nd vieties

of gestes used. Aso, we se gestes to enbe s to me nssessment bot the ind of pesonity n individ hs.

One piece of esech hs epoted tht mjoity of women whosit with thei nees nd feet togethe with egs extended hve


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pesonity ssocited with desie fo netness nd odeinessin wor, iing fo ming pns, disie of chnge nd ncetinty, nd pefeence fo orgnizing ife ccoding to igidschede Anohe hs show ht thoitin personitiestend to se ess bodiy movement thn ntithoitins.

Dghters withot fthes hve been fond to se moe seftoching gestes thn those with fthes Dghtes of divoceesshow moe fowd en, moe m nd eg openness, nd memore thn thee times s mny gestictions o expessive hndmovements s gis who ost thei fthers befoe the ge of five.

One eseche hs fond tht when individs e isteing to physicy hndicpped spee they me fewe nd smegestes thn nom. This my be csed by some ncetity

bot how to intect with disbed person.As f s sex diffeences in gestre behvio e concerned, iths been fond tht men me moe seting position shifs thnwomen If pt throgh two interviews, men in the secondinteview me smer gestes nd move their feet ess. Fowomen, the evese is tre. The eson my be tht men feemoe t ese in the second inteview whees women find second one more stressf thn the fist.

Some resech hs shown tht, where two peope in convestionse the sme ind of gestes nd body movements, they wipeceive themseves s being simir nd wi ie ech othebette. From this ind of stdy it my so be concded tht,where peope re trying to commnicte, simiities in gestrstyes my be hepf. Such simiities cn provide bcgrondof rppot which my not even be consciosy noticed.

Open nd positive gestres nd body movements re moeinenti when seeking to pesde someone to your point ofview. Openness nd condence in movement re consistentyrted by prticipnts in expeiments s being more ctive,positive nd potent thn cosed or hesitnt gestes nd bodymovements (see Exercise 4 on pge 56).

Hw t ak bdy langagFrom wht hs been sid so fr in this chpte bot the vrioswys in which gestres re sed in sefexpression, it wi be cetht there re wys of sing gestres nd body movements togreter eect.

5


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52 When sing ny prticlr gestre, yo shold consider thecontext creflly to be sre the gestre is pproprite for it Berin mind tht people from dierent prts of the word mynderstnd gestre to men something very different fromwht yo intend Avoid gestres which re open to misinter

prettion Women crossing their legs, nd reveling n expnseof thigh in the process, cn oen convey menings they certinlydo not intend. Gestres, especilly of the lower prt of the body,my provide n observe with lege of tre feelings yo myprefer to concel

A sel geste when ttempting to convey degee of condenceor ssrnce is steepling, provided it is not done too obviosy ortificilly. Gestrl echoes cn be sel wy of dicting

generl sense of identity o sympthy with grop, provided itdoes not become too obvios n ttempt t mimicry

Yo shold ty to be s observnt s possible of othe peoplesgestres: lie ll forms of body lngge they cn provide veryinformtive ccompniment to wht is ctlly sid Mchbot pesons personlity nd ttitdes cn be inferred fromhow ctive they re in gestring

Qsi-cortship gestres cn be sefl in tellig yo wht yorreltionship is with member of the opposite sex. Wtch forsigns of lc of synchrony between speech rhythms nd bodyrhythms s this my ofe cles to pesons emotionl stbilitynd generl mentl helth. Be sensitive to others gestres

gordon wainright - teach yourself body language

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