from bosnia with love first two chapters

8/9/2019 From Bosnia With Love First Two Chapters

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Y U|t

j|{ _x~ A Novel ~

Javed Mohammed


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FirstEdition

Copyright2010,JavedMohammedISBNNumber978-0-9701261-5-3LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2010926018

PublishedbyPyramidConnections,Milpitas,CAAdivisionofK2VistaProductionsemail:[email protected]:www.k2vista.com

Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Referencestorealpeople(livingordead),events,establishments,organizations,orlocalesareintendedonlytoprovideasenseofrealismandareusedfictitiously.Allothercharacters,andallincidentsanddialoguearetheauthorsimaginationandshouldnotbeconstruedasreal.


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Authors NoteThisbook isdedicated to thepeopleofBosniaandHerzegovina, Kosovo, and all victims of genocide.Althoughthisisaworkoffiction,manyofthestoriesarebasedoneventsthat tookplaceduringtheBalkanwarsofthe1990s.The stories were horrific. To allow for wider

readership,however,thegraphicviolenceandlanguagein these accounts are minimized without hopefullylosing the context of what happened. This booknarrates this part of history in a way that I hopeinspires people to step up against acts of aggressionandviolenceworldwidebeforetheybecomeafull-scalegenocide.

JavedMohammedMilpitas,CA


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AcknowledgementsI thankGod forhelpingmecompletethisproject.

Writing is a collaborative process and without thepassion and generosity of the following, this projectwouldnotbepossible.Firstandforemost,Iwouldliketo thankArifaChaudhry, aneditorwhowentbeyondthe call of duty to not only edit themanuscript, but

work on it with passion and dedication. The projecttooka lifeof its own inherhandsand for that I amthankful.AlongwithArifa,SouheilaAl-Jadda,whohashelpedmeonmy previousbooks, helped to edit theearlydrafts.ThisprojecthasbeencompletedwiththeeditingofBalqeesMohammed.AmirGanic,RamajanaHidicDemirovicprovidedmesubjectmatterexpertiseaboutBosnia andBashkimBerani forKosovo. I also

received feedback frommanypeople includingGloriaManole, Zabrina AbuBakar, Syed Amin and IrfanRydhan. Thebook layoutwas kindly done by FahimMunshiandcoverbyJuveriaAleem.Itisablessingandhonor to work with such selfless people. May Godreward everyone and make this work a source ofperpetual rewards for all. A sincere thank you toeveryonewhomadethisprojectpossible.


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Chapter 1

The Jewel of HerzegovinaWhosgoingtostopme?Thelightsweredimmed

andall thatcouldbeseenwasasideprofileofamanwith a bushy beard and a protruding nose. A slightsmirkplayedonhis lipsand theobnoxiouspridewas

evidentinhisfirmloudvoicewhenhewentoninhisstrongSlavicaccent:Asifanyonewouldevendaretotry!The interviewer asked about the killingsand rapes

of Bosnian Muslims. Crow, as he was codenamed,didnt deny them. Instead, he turned to the cameraresting sure thathis facewas still hidden in thedark,and said, We will kill every Balija and man their

women ifwemust.Whatever it takes topurifySerbiafromtheirpresence.WhenCrowwas askedwhatmotivated him to do

this, he gave a deep, throaty chuckle and replied,BecauseIcan.Whostostopme?Whocaneventry?Then he grinned and gave a victory salute with twofingersraisedtothehead.Sam tossed and turned in bed, trying to stop

thinking.But invane.Histhoughtscontinued todrifttotheinterviewhesawonTV.WhatwasitthatyoungBosnianwomanhadsaid?ItsbetterthatweBosniansstandupforwhatwe

believein,evenifitmeansstandingalone.Whowasshe?Howdidshedevelopthecourage?A

womantotakeuparmswithhercompatriots?Shehadnofearinhervoice.The lightsweredimandallSamcould remember was that glimpse of her long hair,slenderbody,andarmyfatigues.Shehadafirmgripon


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her AK47, her body and voice tense as though she

expectedanattackassoonasshemadethemistakeoflettingherguarddown.Hedaydreamedaboutwhat itwouldbe liketomeether,gettoknowher,andevenfight alongside her.Ashe finally drifted off to sleep,they were running side by side, a hail of bulletspursuing them through the beautiful yet tragicmountainsofBosnia -her longhairstreamingbehindherastheyran,literallyfortheirlives.Herhandinhis,

heturnedtolookuponherfaceandfrozewithshock.Shebecameoldandbent.Shehadtearsinhereyesasshe turned to look at Sam.He let goof herhand inshock.Helpme!Whereareyoumyson?Helpme!she

cried out, her head nowwrapped in a dirty kerchief.Sambacked awayquickly, shakinghis head, and then

hefelthimselffalling.He awoke in a cold sweat and looked aroundfrantically. He slowly recognized his room, and thewomansshriekbegantofadelikeanechointhepeaceand quiet of the Northern Californian night. Imagesfrom thenightly newshaunted his dreams often, theinjustice of what he saw on television burning inhisheart.His throat parched, Sam reached over for the

glass of water on his night table and drained it. Hesighedashelaybackonhispillows,andwithinminuteshewasasleep,dreamingofdrivingtowork,gettinglost.ThenrealizingwithapanicthathehadatesthedidntknowaboutandanotaclueaboutwhattoanswerItwas summer of 1992, andnewscasters began to

report of rumors of concentration camps and massgraves in many parts of Bosnia. In one interview,

GeneralGoranGruban,theheadofintelligenceforthe


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JNA,shookhisheadandsmiledwhenaskedaboutthe

rumor.Therearenocamps.Showme.Wherearethey?While most of the world and its leaders became

passivewitnessestothehorrorsthatwereunfoldinginBosnia, Sams conscience was bothering him. If theSerbs remained unchecked, theywould annihilate theBosnians. TheYugoslav federation had collapsed andnowtheMuslimsofBosniawerebeingpushedoutoftheirlandsbySerbiaintheeastandCroatiainthewest.Samorrather,SamirMuradhadalwaysrelated

to being an outsider. He grew up listening to hisparents stories of the family being forced of theirancestralhomeinPalestinetheirlandconfiscatedintoa settlement and seeking a home elsewhere in thewideworld, where they could raise their children in

peace and safety. Though he was not a practicingMuslim by anymeans, he still felt a kinshipwith theBosnianMuslims.He sympathizedwith them as theybecame a republic of refugees fighting for their livesand their children. So,hefollowed the conflictday inanddayout,untilitbecameanobsession.Oneday,Samtriedtestingoutthewaters.Hedidnt

know exactlywhat he coulddo to help, but knewhe

would continue towakeup in cold sweats and sleepuneasy if he didnt at least try something. He hadapproached CaptainMcGee, at the ReserveOfficers'Training Corps at UC Berkeley, where Sam was ajunior.Lickingandbitingonhislips,hewasntsureifthe captain would take him seriously or laugh at therequestofthelittledo-gooder.Captain,Ineedyouradvicesir.TheCaptain,atall

burly man looked up and beckoned him on. Samcontinued,IvebeenwatchingthenewsinBosniaand


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Iwanttodosomething.Againhepaused,waitingfora

reaction,butallhegotwasadead-panlook.I just cant sit idle andwatch this.Thisgenocide

overtherecontinue.Samcouldfeelhisheartracing.Henow tookthe longestpause, and looked into theeyesofMcGee. The captain had a steely look tohim, butthere was some warmth in his eyes. Is there anypossibility I could get an assignment to Bosnia? Tohelp the civilian population in some humanitarian

capacity?The captain took a long pause.His chair swiveled

and he looked out of the window. Sam obviouslycaughttheCaptainsattention.Hischairswiveledbackandhelookedupforafewmomentsandthendowntothe fileshe had been going through for theGeneral.Thatsanoblethought,Murad.Hestoppeddeadin

his tracks. But the U.S. wont commit any groundtroopsthere.WastheCaptain trying topasshimoff?Whatwas

he really thinking? Probably, how nave this youngfellowwas.Tothinkthathe,asingleindividualwithnocombat experience, no government backing couldmake a difference.Didnt he realize that thingsweremuchmorecomplicatedthanthat?

I know theU.S.wont Sir. But how about as anindependent volunteer or something? Ive learned somuch throughthisprogram that I knowwecanhelpthe Bosnians. Theyre dying by the thousands overthere.Thismeansalottomesir.Im sure it does, but theres nothing I can do,

McGee said. Then he paused, and stroked his chin,givingSamasmalllightofhope:Unless

Sam froze, wide eyed and could feel a tinglingsensation inhisfeet.Thatawfulbutterflysensation in


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hisstomachhadntgoneaway.Herecomesthezinger

hethought.Unless?Samaskedeagerly,unconsciouslymoving

totheedgeofhisseat.SamcouldntbeartolookattheCaptains face. He zeroed in on his fidgeting hands;surelytheywouldgiveaclue.UnlessyouwentwiththeU.N.U.N.?Samblurted.UnderaspecialstatusfromtheU.S.armedforces,

chimedMcgee.Thestateofsemi-paralysiswasover.Sam,wantedto

jump up, shout with his bursting enthusiasm, but hemanagedtorestrainhimself.SpecialstatusU.N.um,howcanIdothatsir?IllhavetoaskWashington,butitsnotgoingtobe

easy, Murad. McGee leaned back in his chair and

lookedatSam.Idontwantyoutogetyourhopesup.Thesuitsdontwanttocommitanyofourboysonthegroundthere.Theythinkitsbesttojuststayoutofit.Id owe you if you could find something out for

me.IllseewhatIcando.Sam knew that could be a green light. Now he

wanted to hug the captain, but he just cleared his

throat.Sam had always considered CaptainMcGee a fair

manandknewthatiftherewasawayforhimtohelp,hewouldfind it.Thatevening,SamcalledhisparentsinSanJosetotellthemofwhathedaskedMcGee.Areyoucrazy?hismotherFatimaexclaimed.Mom, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. If

McGeecangetmethepermission.

Youcouldgetkilledthere?


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Samtookthephonefromhisearandgaveitalong

stare.Nomom. Itsanopportunity tohelpsavelives.I

knowwhatyouanddadhadtogothrough.One person cant make a difference. You need

Americaswholearmythere,gaspedFatima.Theywilleventually come,but itmaybe too late

by then. We cant just sit back and let it happen,pleadedSam.

Our family didnt survive one tragedy only towatchyouwillinglywalkintoanother!Samsighed.Hefirsthadtowinthebattleathome,

beforehecouldevenhopeforsuccessinBosnia.Later that night, Sams father, Jameel, called Sam,

demanding ananswer to all the nonsense about Samgoingtowar.HehadtriedtosettleFatimascrieswhen

she called him at the car repair shop, but he reallydidnt have the time for that. The onlymechanic ondutywitharosterof threecarson liftsandfivemorewaitingHehadonlyonemorehourbeforeclosing.Hehadlittletimeonhishandsafterabreak-lessday,muchlessthetimetocalmahystericalwifeonthephone.HeassuredherthathewouldgetincontactwithSamthatevening, and so here hewas, honoring that promise.

Samexplainedwhyhedgoneto thecaptainandwhatthe captain had said. He also reminded him of whathadhappenedto theirownfamilyandhowthiswasapersonalmission.Samknewthat ifhecouldconvincehis father, then he would get the moral support hedesperatelyneeded to go throughwithhisplan.Aftermanyconversationsoverthenextfewdays,Samfinallygothis father to agreenot to sayno.Encouragement

wasstilla farwayoff.Overthenext fewweeks,Samcontinuously approached Captain McGee about


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whether hed heard anything yet from Washington.

Eachtime,McGeeshookhishead.Aftermore than amonthofwaiting, Sambecame

irritated.Attheratethekillingisgoingon,therewillbenomoreBosniansleftformetohelp,hemutteredto himself. As if the captain had clearly heard histhoughtsMcgeereplied.Murad,Imdoingmybest.Inyourcaseasitisnotanaturalvirtue,Imorderingyoutobepatient.YesSir.A fewweekslater,thecaptaincalledSamand told

himtocomeseehim.I havesomenews,spokeMcgee inhiscalmand

deliberatetone.Samstoodtoattention.Ohhek,hereitcomes,agazillionreasonswhytheycantsendme.Mcgeecontinued,Ihadtopulla lotof stringson

thisone.ThePentagonisgivingyou specialstatustojoin the U.N. peacekeepers. But you are under strictorders not to engage militarily with any side theBosnians,CroatsorSerbs.Meaning?Youcanonlyhelpwithreliefops.ThatwasthegreenlightSamhadbeenlookingfor.

Sam wanted to jump and say yes, yes, and give a

clenched fist,butagainhehad torestrainhimself.Hebreathedin.ThankyouSir.Ioweyou.Youdontowemeanything;justdontcomeback

inabodybag.Sam looked up at him, but he knew the captain

meantwell.SowhencanIgoSir?


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Assoonasyoucanpack.Youllhavetoflycivilian

toItalyandthentakeaboatovertoCroatia.There,youwilljointheU.N.contingentunderGeneralKlein.Sam couldnt hide his grin any longer. Stifling

himselffromhuggingorkissinghissuperiorinreturn,hemanagedacontrolledvocalreply:Sir,Ireallymeanit;Iwilloweyoufortherestofmylife.Illkeepthatinmind,McGeesaidwryly.Sam got himself ready to leave over the next few

days.Hehadtodealwith thehassleof leavingschoolinthemiddleofasemester,butthatwasnothingnextto leaving his family. Especially his 7-year-old sister,Mariyam who was so attached to him. He busiedhimselfinpreparationtosuppressthegrowingacheinhis heart over leaving all that he knew behind.Whenever feeling himself doubt or question his own

choiceofleaving,hewouldquicklyreprimandhimself.Dont forget the sights of the newscasts and theknowledge of the grave situation over in Bosnia.Rememberingthereasonforhiswishtogo,anydoubtwasquicklywipedaway.It was an overcast, chilly day a week after the

captainhadgivenhimhisgoodnews that Sam stoodnear thedeparturegateat SanFrancisco International

Airport,readytoboardaplanetoRome.Noonespokemuch,hismotherseyesredfromnearconstantcrying,his father stonily looking around at everything excepthisson,andhissisterholdingontoSamshand,lookingmorose.The four sat there in silence until Sam heard a

woman announce that boarding had begun for hisflight.Fatimabrokeinto freshtears,Mariyamheldhis

handmoretightly, andSams fathergrunted. Samgot


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up and turned towardsMariyam. Shewas the first to

breakthesilenceandalsogotup.Goodluck,shewhisperedasshehuggedSamand

turnedabruptlyaway, tearswellingupinhereyes.Begood, said Sam. Sam stiffly shook his fathers handwhilehisfathernoddedgrimly,hislipspencillinethinandfacegrim.MayGodprotectyou,hesaidinachokedvoice.

Besafeoutthereanddonttakeanycrazyrisks.Youhaveafamilyherethatlovesyouandhasbeenthroughthis kind of hell already. Remember this before youthinkofdoinganythingstupid.Samlaughedsoftly.ThanksDad,thatmeansalot

tome.Sam turned last to hismother, who had a tissue

pressedtoherlipsandwouldntcouldnt-lookather

son.Mama, Im sorry,Sam said quietly asheputhisarmsaroundher,wantingtoholdontoherforever,tocapture her loving and protectivemotherly hold. Hetookinawhiffofherlavenderperfumeonelasttime,tryingtoburnalastingandphysicallytangiblememoryof her very essence. They stood there like that for aminute while she shook with silent sobs a minute

whichseemedlikeaneternitybutwasdestinedtoendtooquickly.Hepulledherawayandkissedbothofhertear-stained cheeks and then her forehead in a mosttendergestureofloveandrespect.Pleasekeepmeinyourprayers.She nodded but didnt say anything. Her tongue

would notmove even if she tried towork it. Samsfathergentlypulledheraway, andSamquickly turned

to board theplane, knowinghewould start to cry aswell if he stood there aminute longer.Ashe headed


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intothewalkwaythatwouldtakehimto theplane,he

lookedbackandcaughtonelastglimpseofhisfamily,his mothers head buried in his fathers chest, andMariyamafewstepsawaywithherarmscrossedacrossherchest,poutingandlookingangry.Samwaved,andshewavedback,smilingfaintly.TheflighttoRomewaseventless.Samporedover

the massive U.N. training manual McGee had givenhimbeforeheleft.

General Klein will give you further training andinstructionswhenyougetthere,butreadandknowthisfirst,hehadsaidashegaveSamtheheavybook.Itsnotthesameasyougoing throughtheactualtrainingprogramsthatyoushouldbetaking.Butatleastitwillprepareyouforwhenyougetonthegroundthere.Andremember; dont get caught up in the conflict there.

Yourethereasapeacekeeper,nottotakesides.Donteverforgetthat.Themanualwasdry reading anddidntdiscourage

himfromfallingasleep throughthe long flight.WhenSamfinallylandedinRome,heimmediatelyhadtofindandboardatrainthatwasboundforthecoastalcityofBari, nearly 500 kilometers away. Exhausted by thetimehereached theportcity,hechecked intoahotel

forthenighttorestandrecharge.TheferrytoCroatiawasscheduledtoleavethenextday.Sam calledhis familywhile at the hotel.He could

hearreliefinhismothersvoicethathewassafe.Samtried to explain thathehadntyetstartedthemission,butshehadalreadyhandedthephonetohisfathersoshecouldsitandcryat thekitchentable.Samsighed.Hetoldhisfatherthathewasstillenrouteandwould

callhimassoonashereachedtheU.N.base.


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Samlaybackonhisbedinthetiny,crampedroom,

whichwasallhecouldafford.Hisbodywastensefromallthetravelingandmovementandhetriedstretchingwhilelayingdown,but itwastoopainfulandrequiredeffort.Instead,ashefelthimselfgetpulledtowardtherealm of unconsciousness, he groped inside hisbackpack next to the bed and pulled out his travelalarmclock.Withoutit,heknewhewouldneverstanda chanceofwakingup in time tocatch the ferry.Hedidnt know what time it was in Bari, but insteadcounted out eight hours and set the time. Withinseconds, he was traveling once again, but this timetowardadreamlesssleep.A fewmoments later, or what seemed like it, his

eyespoppedopenandhecouldntunderstandwhatallthe noise was about. He looked around blearily,

wonderingwherehewasandwhyhewasso irritated.Hethenrealizedthesoundwascomingfromunderhispillow.Reachingdown,hepulledouthisalarmclock,stared at it trying to focus, hit a fewbuttonsuntilhegottherightbutton,andfellbacktohispillow.Minuteslater,thealarmscreamed.Andagain,afewmoreminuteslater.Bythefifthround,Samfinallyforcedhimselftosit

upandstretchhislegs.Hegotupanddraggedhisfeetover to the window, stubbing his toe on the cornerbedpost on the way and cursing, to pull back thecurtains.Heflinchedasabrightbluedaygreetedhim.He yawned widely as he limped to the bathroom towashup.Sam checked out anhour later and headed into a

beautiful yet bustling morning in the city by the

Adriatic Sea, stopping in a small caf to get a coffeeandsomebreakfast.Heaskedtheownerfordirections


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to theferryterminal,andwassurprisedwhentheman

toldhimhewaslessthana15-minutewalkaway.Hourslater,Samwasstandingonthedeckofafast

movingferry, feelingthewavesrocktheboatbeneathhisfeet,andthesprayhittinghisface.Hedrunkinthecoolwindandbaskedinthesunshineashestaredoutat thewater, scanning thehorizonforanysignof theUnited States Sixth Fleet. He knew it was makingpractice maneuvers in the Adriatic and keeping its

distancefromthehorrorsonthegroundinBosniaandHerzegovina.The undulations of the water lulled Sam into a

daydream. In imitation of his favorite movie, TopGun,Sambegantoimaginewhathewouldbelikeasafighterpilot.MaybefortheAirForce,noithadtobetheNavy,anddefendtheBosnianpopulationandhelp

endthegenocide.HecouldbeMaverick,theTopGun,totakeontheenemy.Totopitoff,hewouldbeaherobridgingtwodifferentculturesArabandAmerican.AdumbsmilewasonSamsfacewhentheferrycrashedintosomebigwavesandherealizedwitha joltwherehewas.Hewasnt in amovienorwasheahero.Hewas just a stupid college boy going out into the big,unforgivingworld to try todo some good in it. The

U.S. had no intention of getting involved since therewerenostrategicinterests,nooil,ashadbeenthecaseintherecentGulfWar.Atthattime,hiscountryplayedthe defender of all that was good and right in theworld,forcingtheIraqiarmyoutofKuwait.Samknewhewasonhisown, and ifhebecameahero,noonewouldlikelyknowaboutit.Itwasaconflictlargerthanhim.Hisinstinctstoldhimthatitwasalsolargerthan

theUNpeacekeepingforcehewascomingtojoin.Butnothinghadpreparedhimforthefutureshockthatthis


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was turning into something larger even than the US

andNATOforcescombined.Hesatonabenchlookingoverthewater,watching

the endless sea. As the ferry moved closer toDubrovnik, a strange feeling came over Sam. Hestarted remembering his arguments with his parents.Hehatedarguingat all,butwithhisparents, itaddedguilttothestress.Andnow,hewasfeelingdoubt.Didhedotherightthing?Wouldhisparentsforgivehimifsomethinghappenedtohim?Hetriedtotakehismindoffthesethoughtsandinsteadfocusonwhatlayahead.Samhadreadmanybooksandseenfilmsaboutwar,

buthealsoknewtherealitywasfardifferent.Foronething,hewouldlikelywitnesshorrorshewouldbedutyboundnottoprevent.Heknewaboutdeathbutneverhad to face it. Though he felt good that he had

volunteered to help instead of waking up night afternighthauntedbyvisionsofpeoplecryingoutforhelp,hewasalsoangryattheU.S.andEuropeancommunityfor letting the conflict deteriorate into completemadness.Afterwhatfeltlikehours,Samcouldseelandonthe

horizon. Thiswas it. He silently began to panic, hispalmsturningsweaty.Thiswaswherethe rubbermet

theroad.Washereallyuptothistask?Wouldhereturnhomegreetinghisparentsaliveandwellorhisparentsgreetinghiminabodybag?Wouldheevergraduate?Wouldhisparentseverforgivehimandacceptwhathewasdoing?Shouldhejuststayontheferryandrefusetogetoffwhenitdocked?Despitehislongjourney,Samknewhecouldalways

turn around and go back home.Noonewould ever

blame him. Nothing kept him here; no one wouldexpectmore fromhim.And thenhe saw thewoman,


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strandsofherlonghaircaughtinaslightbreeze,alook

ofdefianceonherbeautifulface.Shestoodaloneinameadow, and when Sam looked down, he saw thatinsteadof flowers inherhand, shecarried a rifle.Helookedup and realized the skywas thickwith smokeandhe couldsmellsomethingputrid in theair, likeasweet-sour mixture of rotting apples topped withpickling juice and too-ripe garlic. Littledid he realizethat it was the uncountable rotting human corpses

exposedtotheunrelentingsunanddryingair.The womanwas looking at him, expectantly. She

wastheretoescorthimandbeckonedhimon.AsSamgotcloserhesawheralmondshapedeyesstandoutofherroundface.Sheputherrifledownandopenedherarmstoembracehim.AnotherwavecrashedintotheferryandSamjerked

awake. He didnt realize hed dozed off. He lookedaroundandsaw that theywerenearSplit,where theywere to make a brief stop before weaving throughseveralislandstoreachDubrovnik.Fortherestofthejourney, Sam paced up and down the ferry, keepinghimself awake and walking off the nervous energybuildingupinsidehim.Astheydocked,Samsheadbegan tocleara little.

Thehardeststepof all totakewouldbehis firstone.Whatmotivatedhimtowalkofftheferryandintothechaos on the ground was his overwhelmingdeterminationnottoremainaspectatorandwatchtheruinof anationand themassacreof apeopleunfoldevery night on a television set somewhere safe in hisownlittlebubble.Allheknewhecouldandwouldeverdoatthispointwasmoveforward.SoSamgotinline

andwhenhe steppedoff theboat, he heaved a greatsigh.Itfeltgoodtobeonsolidground.


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Dubrovnikwasanold fortress town that dated to

the14thcentury. Itwasbuiltonahugerockthat jutsout into the sea at a 37-meter elevation. It was anaturallyprotected, a fortressfrominvadingarmiesaswellasthieves.AssoonasSamset foot inCroatia,he felt likehe

hadenteredadifferentworldfromhisownCalifornia.Dubrovnikwasbuiltfromstonewithhillstothenorthand the warm clearwaters of the Adriatic and smallislands to the south. It had been a major touristattraction before the war, but the tourists had sincechosenothersafervenues.Onceuponatime,theplacewaseven considered romantic, but therewasno loveleftamong the inhabitantsasneighborhad turnedonneighborandwarmeanttherewerefewerprovisionstogoaround.

Amandressedinpeacekeeperfatiguesstoodonthedock,holding a card thathadSamsnameon it. Samwalkeduptohim.Hi,ImMurad,hesaid.Themanheldouthishand,Hi.ImFranz.Imto

takeyoutothegeneralimmediately.Leadtheway,Samsaid.Franz toldSaminthe jeepthat that theU.N.high

commander,GeneralAndreKlein,was fromBelgiumandhadrisenuptheranksratherquickly.Howdidhedothat?Samhadasked.Itshispersonality.Hesaforcefulmanwhoknows

exactlywhathesdoing.Hesaleaderworthfollowinganditsbestyoudojustthat,followorders.A half hour later, Sam reported to duty. He was

surprisedtoseethatKleinwasatall,thinandgraceful

man.Samrealizedthathewasexpectingsomeonelikeabulldog, from Franzs descriptions of his personality.


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Klein shook Sams hand andwelcomed him into his

command.You will be joining a convoy that leaves in two

daysforMostar,Kleinsaid.Hisvoicewassmoothandhespokecarefullyandinaneventone.Hedidntrushhis words and Sam automatically found himselflisteningattentively.Thankyousir,Samsaid.I trustyour commanding officer in theAmericas

gaveyouamanualtostudyandunderstandbeforeyoucame?Yessir.AndIvereadittwicealready.Theresnotimeforatest.Yourexperienceonthe

groundwillbethegreatesttest.Youwillhavetoproveyourself.Ihopeyoudontdisappointus.Nosir.Iwillnot.

Franz, Klein called out. Franz came into theroom.Takehim tohisunitandshowhimwherehewillbestayingfornow.FranznoddedandmotionedforSamtofollow.Your unit is made up of Dutch peacekeepers,

Franz told Samas theywalked. Somecanbe a littledifficult togetalongwith.You look slightlydifferentfromanyEuropean,andmanyEuropeansarewaryof

immigrants in their own countries, especially Arabs.Butyouprobablyknowthat.Thanks for the heads up, Sam said wondering

what was in store. In all his doubts and worries, henever considered how his fellow peacekeeperswouldtreathimorperceivehim.Samwas6feettallandgoodlookingandhadafaircomplexion.Perhapsitwouldbethe short jet-black wavy hair that would make him

standout.


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Here comes the American, Sam heard one

peacekeeper say to his friends as the two menapproachedagroupsittingatatable.Thats Rik Van Dijk, Franz murmured to Sam.

Rik had a small red stubble and had a lit cigarettecomingout fromthesideofhismouth.He, took thecigaretteoutwithtwofingers,keepingaconstantgazeonSam.He tiltedhisheadupandafterabriefpauseblewoutthesmoke.Well, look who we have here. The lone ranger

fromAmerica,anotherpeacekeepersaid.AndthatsPetrusMeijer,Franzmurmuredagain.Leave the poor guy alone, said a third man,

getting up to greet Sam as he approached. Of equalheighttohispeers,hehadroundwire-rimmedglassesandawarmsmile.

Hi,ImJohannusKlaas,hesaid,offeringSamhishand. Dont mind these men. Their mothers nevertaughtthemmanners.Oneofthemenwhistledandanotherchuckledand

saidsomethinginadifferentlanguage.JohannussmiledasheshookSamshand.Its good to meet you, Sam said. Im Sam

Murad.

ThoughSamneverhadanissueabouthisheight,hefeltlikehehadyettogrowashestoodnexttothetallblondeDutchman.Greetings,SamsaidasheturnedtoRikandheld

outhishand.IfImtheLoneRanger,youmustbemyfaithfulpartnerTonto.Youre funny, very funny? Rik chimed as he

returned a firmhandshakeand looked over at Petrus

withasmirk.Sorrytodisappointyou,Samsaid.


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Where are the rest of your people? Still doing

acrobaticswiththeF-15s?askedRik.Imhereandthatsastart,Samsaidashereached

toshakeeachofthemenshands.You know all the action is here on the ground,

Rik said as he leaned back and narrowed his eyeslookingatSam.Klaas, do you mind showing him to his bunk?

Franzasked.

Johannusnodded.Franz turned toSamandshookhishandonceagain.Goodluck.Thankyou,Samsaid.Johannustookhimtoanearbybuilding.Letmeknowifyouneedanything,hesaidashe

showed him to his bunk. And dontmind themen.Theyreallyaregoodatheart.

Noproblem,Samsaidwithasmile.Butwhenhewas alone, he thought aboutwhat Rik had said. Samfelt like he had to defend the U.S. even though hedidntagreewithitswatch-and-waitstrategy.Samknewit was being an American rather than an Arab thatwouldhaunthimnow.Butthatwasachallengehewaswillingtoface.HecouldneverchangethefactthathewasanArab,butbeinganactiveandhelpfulAmerican,

well,noonecouldsayallAmericansturnedablindeyetotheBalkanconflict.Twodayslater,Samjoinedtherestofhisnewunit

injeepsthatwouldtakethemfromCroatiatoBosnia.Aftertheirfirst exchange,themenwerenicertoSamand welcomed him into their group. Johannus gaveSamapracticalcrashcourseonpeacekeeping, forcingSam to remember what hed read in the training

manual.Hefeltliketoomuchwasbeingforcedinhis


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mind, and he didnt know how to decide what was

importantandwhatwasnt.The unit drove inland, stopping every few

kilometers at checkpoints. Rik told Sam that thesecheckpointswerecontrolledbyCroats, but that thosefarther inland would be manned by Serbs. As theirconvoyapproachedMostar,Samnoticedthatmoreandmoreshell-damagedhomesdottedthelandscape.Oncebeautifulhomeswithwhitewashedwallsandred clay-tile roofs were now deserted and pockmarked withholes from gunfire. Many had windows that werebroken or missing altogether. Some may have beenoccupiedbysquattersorgypsies,butthedamagealongwiththeunkempt gardensmadeSam thinktheywereghosttowns,hauntedbythememoriesofabettertime.Whowerethesepeople?Wheredidtheygo?Would

they ever return?Sam realized that thiswas only thebeginningof a long journey into the shattering realityof war. He had no idea what to expect when theywouldeventuallygotoareasmoreheavilyimpactedbythewar.IfSarajevowastheprizeofBosnia,thenMostarwas

the jewel of Herzegovina. Located in southwesternBosnia about 50 kilometers inland from the Adriatic

Sea,MostarwasdividedbytheNeretvaRiver.Theeastside was the old town, called Stari Grad, and waspredominantly Muslim. The west side was the newtown, called Novi Grad, and had a religiously andethnically mixed population. However, the MuslimswerecutoffbySerbartilleryandtanksfromthemajorMuslim strongholds in the east. So when the U.N.convoyarrived, itpulled inand settled in theMuslim

part,wherethemosturgenthelpwasneeded.


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The food convoy and all the aid agencies that

operated under its umbrella were vital for the dailysurvivalofthepeoplelivingthere.TheU.N.couldstilltravel through west Mostar into Croatia to bring inmuchneededhumanitariansupplies.Sam felt a sense of authority and security as he

traveled in white armored vehicles and four-by-fourtrucks with bold, black U.N. letters painted on thesides. His blue helmet would allow him freedom to

movearoundwithoutthefearofbeingawalkingtarget.But Johannuswarned him that therewere reports inthese areasofU.N.vehiclesbeing targetedbybombsandthepeacekeepersbysnipers.Whowerethesnipers?Samasked.Dependingon

whatpartof townyouwerein, Johannushadreplied,they couldbeSerbsorCroats.Their commonenemy

wastheBosnianMuslimsandanyonewhotriedtohelpthem.Although this was no vacation, Sam loved seeing

Mostar from its riverside restaurants.The hills in thebackground remindedhimof theBerkeley foothills goldenbrowninthesummerwithpatchesof lusciousgreen.Itfeltgoodtosometimesimaginebeinginmorefamiliarsurroundings.

The aqua-coloredNeretva River coollymeanderedthrough the city accompanied by lush green trees oneitherside.Onthewesternside,smokecouldbeseenrising from the Cevapcici stands, whichmade grilledground meat patties, a mouth-watering Bosnianspecialty. It was hard for Sam to believe that thispreviousparadisehad turned into a living hell for itsresidents.

Inthefollowingdays,asSamstartedtoseeMostarupcloseandpersonal, its initialpostcard imagebegan


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togivewaytoamoregrimreality.Insomeareas,what

were once lively neighborhoods now were merelyscatteredskeletonsofhomesbarelystandingupontheirbattle-scarred remains. Roofswere blownaway, wallshad gaping holes from artillery fire, windows werebroken and bullet holes sprinkled everything likeconfetti. The charred remains of mosques whoseminaretshadoncestood toattention lay scatteredonthe ground. He would often hear the rat-tat-tat ofgunfireindifferentpartsofthecity,butonthewhole,majorfightingseemedtohavehalted,fornow.There were cemeteries everywhere. Freshly dug

graveswithtombstoneaftertombstoneshowingnamesthatSamcouldnotrecognize,butitwasthebirthdates1973,1975,1976thatshockedhim.Someofthesewerepeoplewhowere around Samsown age. Even

more horrifying were the graves of little children,obviousby their smaller size in length, if not by thedates on the scattered tombstones and home-mademarkers.What had possessed neighbors who had lived for

morethan400yearstogethertoturnoneachotherlikethis? Sam wondered. What created such vile hatred,thatonehumanwouldwillinglydevouranother?Could

somethinglikethishappenbackhome?Samshudderedatthethought.Impossiblehehoped.Eachday,Samwasthankfulthathewasborninthe

U.S. theothersideof thisworld andwasable tolivewithoutparalyzingfearoranall-consuminghatredtowardhiscultureorreligion.Sam also discovered that the Bosnians he helped

were a very hospitable people, despite their

circumstancesandsurroundings.Itdidnttakelongfor


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him to befriend local residents, like the Halilovic

family.Sadik and Hana Halilovic were a thirty-something

couplewithtwochildren.Sadikwasabakerwhocamefromasmallvillageand,at21,marriedHana,whohadbeenonly17.Withtheirfamiliesencouragement,theybegantheirlifelikemosttraditionalcouples.Sadikwasliterally thebreadwinner, supportingnotonlyhiswifeand children, but also his own parents and younger

siblings.HeworkedinthebakeryandHanahelpedoutthere as well as running the household as a wife,motheranddaughter-in-law.The first time Sam met the family, he had been

distributingU.N.reliefsupplies.Awomancameuptohim. She looked like most other people who soughtsupplies. She had a medium build and wore a blue

kerchief around her short hair. Worry lines alreadybeganto creasewhatwasstillabeautiful,young face.ButitwasherhandsthatcaughtSamsattention.Theylookedliketheybelongedtoanelderlywoman.Hallo, Mr. Amer, she said softly in heavily

accentedEnglish.Sam pausedwhat hewasdoing and looked up in

surprise.HowdoyouknowImAmerican?

Thewayyoutalk,thewayyouwalk.Wow. Is it that obvious? he mused, and then

extendedhishand. MynameisSamMurad,youcancallmeSam.Not accustomed to touching unrelated men, she

tilted her head in confusion. Murad? Thats notAmericanname.No.Itisnt.ImanArab-American.

WhatkindofArab?Palestinian.


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So you knowwhat its like tobe a refugee. You

knowwhatwegothrough.I was born in America, but my parents and

grandparents have told me stories about what theywent through. Thats one reason why Ive come toBosnia.My husband is a baker, she said, abruptly

switching thesubject.Ifyougiveusmore rationsofflourandoil,hecanbakebreadformanyfamilies.Foryourcompanionsaswell.Sorry, Sam said with an apologetic smile. We

have strict orders. I cant give you more than yourquota.Shefrownedslightlybutsaidnomore.Samgaveher

oneshareoftherationandaskedherwherethebakerywas.Shepointedtoaskeletonofabuildingnearby.

It was nice to meet you, Mr. Amer, she saidsimplyandleft.Rik leaned over. Whats the ragheads problem?

heasked.Excuseme?Samsaidwithdisbelief.Thewoman.What did shewant?You twowere

talkingforabitandnowshelooksangry.Whatyousaytostirherup?

Samshookhisheadandmuttered, Nothing.Hecheckedabitterreproachandgreetedthenextpersonin line. Rik shrugged and went back to his work.Although Sam and his family had sometimes facedsubtlediscriminationwhilehewasgrowingup,stilltheywere rarely called such ugly namesbecauseNorthernCaliforniawasmadeupofmanydiversepeople.A couple of days later, Samvisited thedilapidated

bakerylateintheevening,carryingasackofflourasagift. Although there was a light on upstairs, no one


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cametothedoorwhenSamknocked.Hetappedonit

alittlelouder.Afterafewmoreminutes,justashegaveupandturnedtoleave,thedooropenedandatallmanstoodthere,awarylookinhiseyes.Merhaba, Sam said, having heard it usedwidely

amongtheBosnians.Withahesitantandconfusedlook,themanreplied

withaheavySlavicaccent,Merhaba.My name is Sam. U.N. peacekeeper but I have

comeheretooffermypersonalhelp.Unofficially.Hegesturedtothesackofflournexttohim.Oh,reliefandrecognitionspreadacrossthemans

face. Thank you. My wife told me about you. Myname is Sadik. Welcome. And he opened the doorwidertoletSamin.SamputthebagdownonatableasSadikclosedthe

door and bolted it shut. The Bosnian looked at theflourandsaid,Thiswillhelpusprovidemorebreadtoneighborhood.ThatswhyIbroughtit.Imhopingyoucouldgive

it to themostneedy,Sam said. Im sorry theU.N.canonlysupplybasicrations.No,no, thank you. I will definitely do that. It is

difficulthere in thebakery,but Ihaveneighborswho

arehungry,theirchildrencryatnight.Thankyou.Hana then walked into the room. She looked at

Sam,thenSadikandfinallytothebagofflour.Mr.Amer,shesaidinhersoftvoice.Thankyou.

Thankyou.Please,come,sitdown.Sam looked around at themodest shop front and

realized that the family livedupstairs.As theywalkedthrough the shop, Sam noticed the empty and dusty

shelves. It seemed that Sadik sold out everynight onwhatever bread he made. They passed through the


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doorHanahad comefrom,which led to thekitchen.

Samcouldstillsmellyeastthoughtheovenwasntonandthekitchenwascold.Hewassuretheovenhadntbeenturnedonatallthatday.Samshivered.Insteadofthe sweet smell of warm bread at the bakeries heremembered in California, there was an uninvitingdarknesstothisroom.Theyheadedupasmall,shabbystaircase at the far end of the kitchen to the secondfloor,whichhousedatwo-bedroomapartment.Itwascompletelydifferent fromthekitchen.Here,

there was light and it waswarmer. They entered thelivingroomwhereayoungteenagersatatatable,doingwhatlookedlikehomework.ThisismysonAbdullah,Sadiksaidproudly.Merhaba,Samsaidofferinghishandtothegangly

boy.Howoldareyou?

Thirteen, Abdullah answered, shaking Samshand. His handswere dry, his nails chipped and theskin around his cuticles were peeling. AbdullahremindedSamofhimself,insomeways,oftheshyteenheoncewas.Agirlraninto the room, and stopped shortwhen

she saw Sam and stared at him and his peacekeeperfatigues.

Andthis ismydaughterSelma,Sadiksaid,goingovertohisyoungest.Sheisonly5butshethinkssheistheoldest.Samsmiledandheldouthishandto thecutelittle

girlwho reminded him verymuchof his ownsister,Mariyam. She looked at the hand confusedly, then atherfather.Henoddedencouragingly,butshewouldntputoutherhand.Insteadshewentovertoherbrother

andstoodnexttohim,notoncetakinghereyesoffthe


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strangemaninfatiguesstandingawkwardlyinherliving

room.You have beautiful children, Sadik, Sam said,

puttinghishanddown.Heknewitwouldtakea littlelongertowinSelmaover.Thankyou,Sadiksaid.Heturnedtohischildren.

ThisisSam.HeisanAmerwiththeU.N.What do you want to be when you grow up,

Abdullah?Samasked.

A fighter, Abdullah said without hesitation anddefiantly.Sam wasnt surprised by the boys career choice.

Whydoyouwanttofight?Iwanttoprotectmyfamilyandfriends.Iwantto

killalltheSerbs.Being a fighter is good, Sam said. If you can

protectyourfamilyandfriendsthatisgood.Butmakesureyoudontdoitforrevenge.Why?askedAbdullahdefiantly,withhishandson

hiships.There isanoldsaying, If youseek revenge,then

digtwograves.Abdullahlookedpuzzled.Ifyougo toget revenge,thenitsvery likelyyou

will not only kill the bad guy, but you may also bekilled.Thenwewillbeeven,Abdullahsaidwithasmirk.

Iwillbeamartyrandtheywillgotohell.Samwas taken abackbyAbdullahs intensity. The

warhadcreatedachildsoldier.Hedecideditwouldbewiser to drop the subject for now. Sam turned toSelma.

So,Selma,whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?


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Thelittlegirlquicklywenttohermotherassoonas

SamspoketoherandhidherfacebehindHana.Shesafraidofstrangers,Hanaexplained.Im sorry, Sam said, feeling guilty that he had

terrifiedthelittlegirl.Hana whispered to Selma, who whispered back.

Selmasaysshewantstobeashopkeeper,Hanasaid.Thats great, Sam said smiling encouragingly,

hopingnottoscarethegirlagain.Likeyourfather?Selmanoddedbeforewhispering something in her

momsear.Justlikepapasoshecangiveoutfreefoodandbreadtothepoorpeople.Samwassurprisedathowconcernedthesechildren

wereaboutpeoplearoundthem.Inboththechildren,SamsawhowthetragedybroughtoutthebestandtheworstAbdullahsangerandSelmasfears.Thefamily

did not have much, but their concern and closenessreallytouchedSam.Sadik offered Sam someBosnian coffee and small

colorfulbaklava.Wow, this is awesome, Sam said, savoring the

treatandlickinghisfingersinsearchofeverylastsweetdrop,whichremindedhimofhome.Thankyou.Hanaisaverygoodcook,Sadiksaid.

Sadik,mayIaskyouaquestion?Samaskedaftertwomorehelpingsofthebaklava.Heknewthefamilywas poor, but Hana insisted he take more, and hisweaknessforsweetsmadehimveryobliging.Ofcourse,Sadiksaid.YouallspeakgoodEnglish,Iamsurprised?You know Sarajevo hosted Winter Olympics in

1984?Sadikasked.Samnodded.Wecanspeakalittle

of several languages, especially English and some


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ItalianandGerman.Touristsusedtocomeherebefore

thewar,sowelearntheirlanguages.Thatmakessense,Samsaid,embarrassedthatall

he knew was English and some broken Arabic. Hedrained his coffee a few moments later and tookpermission to leave. Thank you for your hospitalityandforbeingsonicetome.Sadik nodded and said, Thank you for the flour.

Comeanytime,Allahimanet.Thisisyourhome.

Allah imanet, Sam replied, repeating the ArabicphraseforPutyourtrustinGod.Sadikwalkedhimdown to the front of the bakery shop and bade Samfarewell. As Sam walked in the darkness toward theU.N.compoundnottoofaraway,hecouldhearSadikreboltingthedoorsecurely.Rik, JohannusandPetruswereplayingcardswhen

Samwalkedin.Hows it going with your local friends? Petrusaskedasheconsideredhishand.Cool,Samsaidnonchalantly.You should beware of the locals,Rik said ashe

putacarddown.Why?Becauseyoucouldgetscrewed,Riksaidsolemnly.

Butthatsnotabadthing.Andhelaughed.Thankyou,Samsaidwithasmile.Icantakecare

ofmyself.Sureyoucan!Petrussaidasthemenlaughed,Sam

joiningin tomaskhisirritation. Johannusputanothercarddownandtheothertwogroaned.Notagain,Rikmoaned.Sam left the roomquickly,maskinghis annoyance

asJohannusorderedtheothertwotohandover their


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cigarettes.He feltlikehewastheonlyonewhoreally

caredaboutthepeoplewhomhesworetoprotect.Asthedaysworeon,Sambecamemoreattachedto

the people of Mostar. Sam found himself treatingthose who approached him for the flour ration asfriends insteadof strangers.Andmanypeoplestartedcoming for the rations only when he was there todistribute. In this way, he learned more about thecultureandhistoryof Bosnia, and throughsmall talk,hebegantolearnthelanguageaswell.Sam discovered that althoughmost Bosnians had

not been practicing Muslims under the communistdictates of Tito, the current calamity forced them torethinktheiridentityasYugoslavs,thenasBosniansand lastlyasMuslims.AlthoughtheSerbscreated theperception that Muslims were ethnically Turkish and

different, theywere really the one and sameSlavicpeople.ManyoftheyoungerBosnianswouldaskSamabout

Islam, and though he didnt knowmuch himself, heanswered their questions according to what his ownparents taught him growing up. On one visit to theHalilovics,Samaskedthechildren,Ifyoucouldhaveanything,whatwoulditbe?

Tohissurprise,Abdullahanswered,IwouldlikeaQuranwithBosniantranslation,onethathasbeautifulArabiccalligraphy,andaTurkishprayerrug.Why?Iwant toknowIslam.TheycallusMozlembutI

dontknowwhatthatmeans.SamwastakenabackbyhowdeeplyAbdullahwas

curiousaboutreligion.Healsoknewaboutthepolitical

situationandhisownrole in it.Samneverconsideredhimselfreligious.SureheknewhowtoreadtheQuran;


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itwasoneofthebasicthingshethoughteveryMuslim

childwasexpectedtoknow.Butasanadult,heprayedonly occasionally, especially before exams and the bi-annualEidholidayprayers.Sam felt ashamedthat hisownfamilyhadsomanyprayerrugsandcopiesoftheQuranat home but didnt use themmuch.And herewasachild,thousandsofmilesaway,whoneverhadachancetousethem,butdesiredthemaboveallelse.Sam thenturned toSelma,whobynowwasmore

comfortablewithMr.Amer.Before he asked her thequestion,shepipedup,Iwantchocolate!Sam laughed. Her answer was along the lines of

whathehadexpected.Icanprobablyfindsome!She beamed, giving Sam a high-five. Sam didnt

intendtoaskHana,butsheturnedtohimandasked,Arentyougoingtoaskme?

Oh,hestammered.Right,of course,pleasetellme,whatwouldyoulikemostofall?YoureaU.N.peacekeeper,right?Yes.YouareAmer,right?Yes.YouareMuslim,right?Yes, he said, starting to wonder what she was

gettingat.Will you promise me that if something bad

happens,youwontleaveus?Samwasstartled.He thoughtfor a littlewhile.He

wasunder strictorders not to interfere or take sides.Buthewasalsohereunderahumanitarianmission.Iwill do whatever I can, he said in a non-committaltone

Promise?


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I cant promise.Nothing is inmy control. Im a

soldierunderorders.Pleaseunderstand.Sheshruggedandturnedherheadaway, angerand

disappointmentshowingclearlyonherface.Sam regretted askingwhat he initially thoughtwas

aninnocentand friendlyquestion.He tried to changethetopic.Thatsanicebackpackyouhave,Selma,hesaid,

pointingtoapink,butrathershabbylookingbag.Itshersurvivalbackpack,Sadiksaid.Wemadeit

forherincasesomethinghappenstous.Ithaswater,biscuits, her birth certificate and a letter ofintroduction.SamneverrealizedthattheHalilovicswereprepared

fortheworst,thoughnowthatSadiktoldhim,itonlyseemed logical that any family would be prepared to

fleeatamomentsnotice.Imsorry thingshavecome to thislevel. Iwish Icould domore to help you.What newsdo youhavefromthefront?Samasked.Bad. They say our defenses will not last, Sadik

replied.He lit a cigarette, then continued.TheSerbshaveheavy artillery allaround;wearesandwichedbyour enemies. We only have light guns. With arms

embargo, itishardtogetgunsandbullets.TheSerbsorCroatscouldbreakourlineanytime.I am sorry, Sam said, finding that he was

constantly apologizing that night for everything. ButyouregonnabeOK, InshAllah.Heknew theywereemptywords,buthedidntknowwhatelsetosay.Can you help my wife and children get out of

Bosnia? Sadik asked quietly. The U.N. must offer

protection.


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InshAllah, God willing, I will do what I can.

Believeme.But youmustunderstand that I am hereunderU.N.jurisdiction,therearemanythingsIwouldlike to do, but they are not in my control. Samdesperately wanted his friends, who had become likefamilytohim,tounderstandwhyhecouldnotdowhattheywantedfromhim.Samtookhishandout.Sadik nodded and put his hand in Sams.,with a

firmgrip.I trustyou.ThiswasonehandshakeSam

wantedtopullhishandawayfrom.Sam was miserable as he walked back to the

compoundthatnight,feelinghelplessandimpotenttodoanythingthatwouldhelpsavelives.Hefelt likehewasfailinginthemissionhehadsetforthonwhenhebeganhisjourneytoBosnia.Thatweek, the intensity of shelling and automatic

fire increased. As the attacks continued, the U.N.decided to begin airdropping thesupplieswhensomeofthelandroutesitusedwereclosed.Gentlemen,KleinsaidtoSam,Rik,Johannusand

Petrus one evening at mealtime. There will be anairdropof foodandsuppliesatzerohundredhours.Iwilltellyoutheexactlocationclosertothetime.Theypickedagreattime,Rikmutteredunderhis

breathtoSam,butKleinheardhim.IsthereaproblemVanDijk?Pastyourbedtime?Nosir.Then work as a team. You have to get to the

airdrop locationat theexactmoment,openthecratesand load the boxes onto your supply trucks and getback.Sir, Rik said, There are only four of us.What

abouttherestoftheteam?


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Thats allweneed.Murad, you partnerwithVan

Dijk.Meijer, yourewithKlaas.And onemore thing,the Serbsandmaybe theCroatswill try toget to thesuppliesfirst.Soworkfastandefficiently.Yessir,allfourmensaidinunison.Thirty minutes before midnight, the group was

ready to leave. Sam and Rik were in one truck, andPetrusandJohannuswereintheother.Astheyleftthecompound,SamcouldheartheItalianG-222transportplane. The planeappeared to be circling and lookingforabeacontodropitspayload.The trucks made their way northwest toward the

Croatianborder.Samlookedupandsawthefirstsignsofthedrop.Look, here they come, he said toRik. Its like

MannaandSalwafromtheheavens.

Rik looked over, disgust on his face. You areligiousnutorsomething?Ididntmeanitinabiblicalsense.Good,hesaid,returninghisattentionbacktothe

road.Idontbelieveindivineintervention.Sam had to force himself not to roll his eyes and

react.Astheygotclosertothefieldwherethefirstdrops

fell,SamdecidedtoprobeRikslogic.SoyoudoordontbelieveinGod?heasked.Hellno.Lookatall thiskillinghere;itsall inthe

nameofGod.Everyonesclaiminghim.Sure religion is a factor, but so is politics and

greed,Samsaid.Rikshrugged.Whatever.Godwouldntletsomany

peopledieand let all thishappen.Where isHewhenpeoplecryoutforHim?


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Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Rik

cuthimoff.Werehere.They jumpedout of the truck and ran toward the

first crate. Sam, using a sheath knife, cut off theparachutecordsand opened up thenet that held thepackagestogether.Inside were brown boxes marked with bold blue

writing and the insignia of the World FoodProgramme.

Iwillgetintothetruck,Samsaid,Youcanpassthemtome.No,lwillgetintothetruckandyoupassthemto

me,retortedRikWhatever, Sam said, heaving out a sigh while

rollinghiseyes,irritatedbytheuselessargument.The second truck hadpulled up by this time,and

JohannusandPetrusbeganworkingonanothercrate.A half hour later, the two pairs had packed up thecontents of eight crates and were returning to theirbase.Wellthatwaseasy,Samsaidastheyheadeddown

thedarkdirtroad, and thenimmediately regrettedhiswords.Theyhadonlygone200metersbeforetheyhadtostop.

Whatthehellisthat?Riksaidloudly,pointingtoa fallen tree across the road. Where the hell did itcome from?His knuckleswerewhite as he grippedthesteeringwheelandbegantocurseunderhisbreath.Soldierscameout fromeithersidewiththeirweaponsdrawn.Shit!exclaimedSam.Kleinwasright.Illradioin

forhelp.

Samcalledbaseandquicklyexplainedthesituationasthemendrewclosertothetruck.


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Do not fire unless you are fired upon, Klein

urgently toldhim. Show themyourU.N. credentials.If the situation gets hot, cooperate. Do not riskconfrontation.Butsir--ThatsanorderMurad.The soldiers ordered all fourmen out and forced

themtoopenthebackdoorsoftheirtrucks.Theythenmotionedforthemtounloadthecargo.Someminivansappeared and the officer in charge barked orders.Within a fewminutes, the fourmenhadunloadedallthecontentsofthetrucks.Samcouldnttellwhosesidethemenwereon.They

could have been Serb or Croat. Bosnian maybe, butSamthoughtthatwasunlikely.Have a nice day, the officer in charge said in

brokenEnglish.Thesoldiersallgotintotheirvansanddisappearedintothenight,asquicklyastheycame.Thefourstoodtheredumbfounded,lookingatone

another.Howarewegoingtoexplainthis?Petrusasked.Dontworryabout it,Samreplied.Kleinknows

thesituation.Ialreadyradioedhim.Together, theypushedat the treeblockingtheway

tocleartheroad.Whentheyfinallyreturnedtocamp,Klein was not angry about the loss. He was visiblypleased that hismenwere safe. Therewasonemoreairdrop in thenext fewdays thoughsmaller.But itwassafelybroughttotheU.N.warehouse.Besides visiting the Halilovics, Sam tried to make

thebestofhistimeandthesituationbyexploringmoreof the city. He would walk down themain street in

Stari Grad, and Sam would often wonder how theTurksbuilttheStariMostBridgeoutofstone500years


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ago?Mostof thebuildingswerebuiltof charcoalgrey

limestone. Tall, shapely and yet bland, the buildingswere interspersedwithplasteredwallsofvarioushuesofredandbeigeAlthough food was sparse in the Muslim sector,

SamenjoyedTurkishpizza,whichhecouldonlygetbycrossing over to the Serbianside.Thepizza doughwith groundmeat flavoredwith somespices wasasimple,lowcostandfillingmeal.OntheBosnian-Croat

side,thoughthefightingwasjustafewhundredmetersaway,Samwouldwalkpast themosquesandheartheAzancalltoprayer.Hedfeelsomethingpullinghimto go inside, but he never did. Most mosques weretargetsfor snipersandhadalsobeendamagedby theshelling. Five times a day, worshippers provided anidealtargetforsnipersandtherewerecasualtiesallthe

time.Butwhen Sam spokewith theMuslims,he foundthemoptimistic.If I am going to die, then what better way?

InshAllah,theywouldsay.Manyhopedthatoncethefighting stopped, the mosques would be rebuilt.Thoughmanyhadnevergonetoamosquebeforethewar, the fighting and unrest had a religious effecton

thepeople.Though seeing a pockmarked mosque was

discouraging,whatbotheredSammostwasseeingatallminaretdownandcrumbledlikeafallensoldier.Anoldman in a thin overcoat prostrated in prayer.As hedpassthemosque,Samwouldthinktohimself, Comeon soldier, stand up, stand tall, stand and call thepeople to prayer, again.Day after day, hedpass the

silent, fallen soldier in this graveyard of religioussymbols


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Although the Bosnians Sam knew put up a brave

face,hecouldseethatthingswereslowlydeteriorating.Selma and Abdullah had problems sleeping at night.Selmawouldoftenwakeupinterror,livinginconstantfearofthestraybulletsandmortarshellsfallingaroundthemintheirneighborhood.Asthesituationinthecityspiraleddownward,Sam

decidedtoatleasttrytofulfillthechildrenswishes.Hehad enough contacts through his U.N. supply tripsthroughtheWesterncorridorofMostarintoCroatiatobe able to request special favors. One evening, hedroppedbytheHalilovicswithhisusualbagofflour.I havesomething special for you today, he sang

out to thechildrenashewalked in.Selma jumpedupand ran to him,Abdullah looked over, interested buttryingnottoshowit.

SampulledoutaQuranwithArabicscriptinblackandgoldink.HereachedoverandgaveittoAbdullah.I used to read theQuranwhen Iwasyourage.

Sampaused.Itisatreasurechestofwisdom,butyouhave to read it to find the gold and diamonds. Youhave to reflect on it and actupon it.Thatswhatmymomusedtotellme.Abdullah was speechless as he took the Quran,

staring at the cover and tracing over the goldenletteringgentlywithhisfingers.Pray foryourfamily,Samcontinuedsolemnlyas

Selmastoodbyhim,impatientlyshiftingfromonefoottothenext.Andpleaseprayforme.Ihaventbeenaverygoodpersontoo.Abdullahlookedup.Iwill.Heextendedhishand

toSam,whoshookit.

SamturnedtoSelma.Areyoureadyforyourpresent?


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Yes! she burst out, now hopping up and down.

Isitchocolate?Samsmiled.Ofcourse,butIalsohaveanothergift

for you. She looked as he pulled a doll out. Selmashrieked and grabbed the rag doll, hugging it beforerunningtoshowhermother.YouknowIhaveasisterjustlikeyoubackhome,

Samsaid.Whatishername?

Mariyam.Howoldisshe?Shesseven,andverycutejustlikeyou.Sinceshes

nothere,willyoubemylittlesister?Selma hugged the doll and nodded. Wheresmy

chocolate?Sam laughedand shookhisheadashetookouta

HersheybarandaToblerone.Selmaseyeslitupagainand shehugged Samandgrabbed a bar. SamofferedthesecondbartoAbdullah,whowassmilingDonteat it all atonce,Samsaid,buthiswords

weredrownedout by the soundof the tearing candywrapperWith increased tensions, Sam and the Halilovics

relied on eachother for support.ForSam, theywere

hisextendedfamily.FortheHalilovics,Samwastheironlyhopeshouldthingstakeabadturn.Samheardthat theSerbshad fortifiedtheir troops

andweregettingreadyforthefinalpushonMostar.ItwasonlyamatteroftimebeforetheBosniansranoutoftheirlightmunitions.TheCroatshadsignedanon-aggressionpactwith theMuslims,but itsoonbecameclear that theyhadothermotives.TheCroatswanted

MostartobeapartofgreaterCroatia.


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Thenoneday, theCroatsfiredmortarshellsat the

StariMostBridgeuntilitcollapsed,stonebystone,intotheNeretvaRiverbelow.BuiltbytheOttomansinthe16thcentury, thebridgehadeventuallybecomeoneofthe regionsmostpopularand favorite sights.But theheartless shelling erased 500 years of Muslim historyandtraditioninlessthan50minutes.As soon as Sam heard the news, he ran to the

Halilovics.Didyouhear?Thebridgeisdown.Sadik nodded but didnt say anything, a frownon

hisface.Itsgone,Samexclaimed.Youhavetofindaway

out!Theresnowheretogo,Sadiksaidquietly,looking

at his wife. The Croats have closed the border to

Muslimsandontheeasternside,therearetheSerbs.Butifyouwaithere,youresittingducks,Samsaidimpatiently.Canyou takeusunder yourprotection?You can

getoutthroughtheSerblines,Sadiksaid.IwishIcould.JusttakeHanaandthechildren.Samshookhishead.

Justthechildren?Samsighedandshookhisheadagain.Thenhowdidyouexpectmetoescape?Ihaveno

otheroptions,Sadiksaidexasperated.Im sorry, Sam said miserably and helplessly,

turning to leave. Everyone should be fleeing soon,therehastobeawayout.Ijustwantedyoutoknow.

***


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AtdawnonMay18,1993,theCroatsfromMostar

turned their backson the standing truceandattackedtheirMuslim neighbors. TheMuslims,with their fewmunitions,werenomatchfor thestrongerCroatsandtheirdefensesonthewestsidecrumbled.Byevening,itwasallover.Homeswereransacked, thewomenraped, themen

slaughtered, the children and elderly were the onlyremainingwitnesses.Youngmenandboysof fighting

agewhohadntbeenkilledinthemassacreweresenttointernmentcamps.ItwasacruelformulaeffectivelyusedbytheSerbs

against the Croats andMuslims.Now the Serbs andCroats teamed together and used it against theMuslims.GeneralKleindecidedtopullhistroopsoutofthe

area.Samwaslivid.ButSir,wearepeacekeepers.Whatisthepointofusbeinghereifwedonttrytoenforceapeace?Johannus chimed in, Sir I second that.We cant

justbespectators.That is not our mandate, Klein said irritated.

Our objectivewas only to providehumanitarian aidwhile it was safe for our men to do so. Because

conditions no longer allow this, we must pull out.Anyways, as peacekeepers, therehas to be a level ofpeacetokeep.Now,withthis,thereisnolongereventhat.Itstimeforustogetout,ifwestillcan.Is headquarters not going to do anything about

this?Wecantjustwatchthedramaplayout.Thesearerealpeople,Sampersisted.Are you responsible for thepoliciesof theU.S?

Kleinasked,turningtowardSam.Samshookhishead.


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Kleinwentoninatoneofmoredefinitiveauthority

inordertotrytodissuadeSamfrompesteringhimanymoreaboutit.IamnotresponsiblefortheEuropeanCommunityortheU.N.Wedowhatwecan,givenourconstraints.Nowmove!Idontwanttohearanymoreofthis.SamscowledatthegroundandJohannuswasstone-

faced as the two filed out of the generals room andwenttopacktheirbelongings.Samwasworriedaboutthe Halilovics and all the other friends hed madeduringhisstay, feeling likehedbetrayed thembynotdoingmore tohelp.WereallMuslims,hethought.TheonlydifferenceisthatIhaveabluehelmetandamanAmerican.Thatslikedivineprotection.WilltheHalilovicslivethroughtheviolence?Will theCroats orthe Serbs spareSelma, AbdullahandHana?

As soon as he had a chance, Sam asked aroundamong the few locals he met near the compoundwhether they had seen the Halilovics, the bakersfamily. All he could find out was the terrifying non-definitivenewsthattheshophadbeenhitandsomeofthefamilyhadescaped.TheconvoycampedoutsideMostarthatnight,but

Samonlytossedandturned,notabletosleepforfear

andworryoverhisadopted family. If Sadikhadbeenkilled,SamatleastowedhimaMuslimburial.ButifhereturnedtoMostar,hewouldbedisobeyingordersandcouldgetintobigtrouble,letaloneriskbeingshotandkilled.Afteranhourormoreofunsuccessfulattemptsat

sleep, he decided to take the risk, consequences bedamned.He needed to see the shop for himself one

lasttimeandfindoutifanyonewasdeadorhurtintherubble.Samgotupandcreptoutsidetheencampment.


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He took a few steps before hearing rustling behind

him.HewhirledaroundandwasfacetofacewithRik.Dontdoanythingstupid,Murad,Rikhissed.Samputhisfingertohislips.Shhh.Ijusthaveto

seewhathappenedtomyfriend.Iwontbelong.Rik narrowed his eyes and looked at Sam before

shrugging. Its your ass, notmine. Be back quickly.Were heading to Sarajevo first thing in themorning,withorwithoutyou.

Sam nodded while exhaling a sigh of relief Willdo.Hisheartracedfasterthanhislegsashesilentlyran

throughthe encampment andbackdownthe road toMostar.Ifhewascaughtbyanyofthefighters,noneofthe blue helmets in theworld could help him at thatlatehour.Heranuntilhewasoutofbreathbeforehe

slowed toawalk along thesideof theroad,going asquietlyashecould.Ashenearedthecity,heveeredoffthe pavement, dodging into side streets, beforereaching the many roadblocks leading into it. Thestenchof deadbodieshung in the air andmadehimgag.Homeswerestillsmolderingfromartilleryattacks.Everything was unnaturally still and quiet as Samcarefullymadehisway, assilently ashe could, to the

Halilovicbakery.Whenhegot to thebuilding,hewasshocked to see the second floor gone. All thatremainedwerecharredwoodenjoists.Perhapsamortarshell had triggered the explosion of the gas canistersSadikusedinthebakery.Samtriedtosilentlymovesomeoftherubbletosee

if he could find any bodies. He pointed his smallflashlighthereandthere,seeingdebriseverywhere,but

nobodies.Timewasrunningout andSamhad tobebackatthecampbeforedawn.Ahalfhourlater,justas


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hewasabouttogiveupthesearch,hesawwhatlooked

likefingersbehindafallencabinet.Hisheartpoundedin his throat ashe stood rooted to the spot, all of asudden notwanting to take a closer look. He alwayshatedgoing to funeralsbecause thedeadbodywouldmakehisskincrawl.Stupid,didyoucomeallthiswayinthedeadofthenightonlyto turnawayatthe firstsignofabody?He mentally prepared himself, and then took out ahandkerchief and tied it around his nose andmouthbeforegoingtoliftthecabinet.Aftersomeheavingandpushing, hewas finally able to slide it away and sawSadiks broken body beneath. Sadik had been facedown, dried blood pooled around him. Sam saw awound on the neck, whichmeant that his old frienddidntjustdie fromamortarortankshell.Therehadbeen a fight in thisshop.Everything in the old shop

was charred, and Sam realized that the cabinetmusthaveprotectedSadiksbodyfromburningaswell.Sam could barely lift only the upper torso of his

friends body, so he dragged it, as respectfully as hecould, to thebackyard,andthenstoodthere,pantingandwonderingwhattodonext.HeknewthatMuslimswererequiredtowashtheirdeadbeforewrappingthemin a white cotton cloth and burying the body. Sam

didnthavemuch in theway ofwater or cleanwhitecotton towrap thebody. Instead,hegrabbedaspadefromthesideof thebuildingandslowly,asquietlyashecouldmanage,begandiggingahole.Afterwhatfeltlikehoursofconstantdigging,Samhadaholebiganddeep enough to bury his friend in. He grabbed theanklesanddraggedthebodyover,tryingnottoletthebodyfallasheloweredhisfrienddown.Theweightof

thecorpsenearlytookSamdownintotheholeaswell.


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WhenSadikwassafely in thehole, Sam stoodup,

wiping his sweaty forehead and panting harder thanever.PerhapsthiswasthewaySadikwassupposedtobeburied,hethoughtandhoped.Hewouldhavebeenamartyrwhofelldefendinghishome,his family andhispeople. Perhapsone day,maybewhen thiswholemessywarwas over, Sadiks family could give him aproperburial, if theywerestill alive. ItwastoomuchforSamtohopefor.

SamstoodbythegraveandmadeasilentprayerforSadik and his family. Maypeace be on you brother,and may you gain the reward of a martyr and enterparadise. May God forgive you your sins and havemercyonyourfamily.Ithankyouforthekindnessyoushowedtothiswretchedsoul.Sam quickly and quietly filled the hole, his tears

mixing in with the dirt. He could feel the weight ofeachshovelofdirtfallonhisowngrievingheart.Itwas stillanhourbeforedawnwhenSam finally

returnedtocamp.Hemanagedtoslidebackinsidehistent,hisheartpoundingandclothessmelling.Rikandtheothermenwerestillasleep.Hequietlychangedhisclothesandclimbedintobed, stillunable tosleepbutfeelinglikehedidallhecould,thoughhecouldnthelp

thefamilytosafety.Returning,evenifonlytoburythedead,gavehimtheclosureheneededto leaveMostarbehind.Eventhoughitwasanincompleteclosure,heknewthatitwasalltheclosurehecouldpossiblygetatthistime.


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Chapter 2

The Siege

The road from Mostar to Sarajevo was full ofpotholes, abandoned cars, armored carriers and anoccasional tank. Like most roads in Bosnia, it wasscatteredwithcheckpoints.

And each needed its own diplomacy, payoff orstandoff.At the very first checkpoint, Serbsoldiers ordered

allthepeacekeepersoutoftheirvehiclesandaskedforIDs.A soldier took a long look at Sams ID beforeasking him whether he was Muslim. Sam wouldntanswer,mainlybecausehedidntknowwhethertotellthetruth,lieorprotestthequestionitself.Hemotioned

Samawayfromthegroup.The soldier repeatedhis question, this timea little

louder.ImUNpeacekeeper,Samfinallysaid,settlingon

anevasion.The soldier shook his head, getting irritated. The

Dutch peacekeeperswere alsoonedge, ready to stepin.

YouMuslim? the soldier repeated for the thirdtime,nowmuchlouderandwithhishandonhisgun.I am a United Nations peacekeeper and that is

that,Samsaid,keepinghisfacesmoothashefoughtpanic from creeping into his voice.Why did henowhavetorememberthestoriesofwhatsoldiershaddonetoMuslimpeacekeepers?Heknewhiscolleagueswould

defendhim if hewasattacked, but hedidntwant torisktheirlivesaswell.SamopenedhispalmtoRikandthegroup,motioningthemtobepatient.


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As the now scowling soldieropenedhismouthto

speak again, a Serb officer walked over and Saminwardlygroaned.Thegiantofamanwasstockyandhad a bushybeard, but thedeadliest thing about himwasthe4Sinsigniastitchedonhisblackwoolencap.Only troops controlled by the ruthless RadovanKaradzicworethat.TheofficerlookedatSamsIDandthenat Sam, slowly lookinghimupanddown,sizinghim, andmakinghim feel small and insignificant. He

then spoke in broken English. For a moment, Samthought the officers voice sounded familiar, butcouldntimaginewherehedhearditbefore.Whatisproblem?Samopenedhismouthtospeak,butGeneralKlein

nowpushedhiswaythroughtomeetrank.Hecamebyand spoke loudly, protesting the holdup.The officer

looked at Klein and then back at Sam, hesitatingslightlybeforehandingSamhisID.Before turning toleave, he pointed two fingers at Sam and mimickedshootingagun.Seeyoulater,hesaidwithawickedsmile.Sam looked at Klein, who stared after the officer

beforeturningaroundandorderinghismenbackintothevehicles.

The convoy traveled throughwhat probably wereonce picturesque scenes. Winding roads cuttingthroughlushvegetationandmountainpasses.Sporadicredtileroofedhomesdottingthelandscape.Every time the convoy was stopped, the

peacekeepers asked the samequestions.Whats goingon? Whos holding us up? How long will it take?Although the trip fromMostar to Sarajevowas only

100km, ittookthepeacekeepersalmostthreedaystomakethejourney.


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Whentheyfinallyarrived,Samwasspeechlessover

Sarajevosbeauty.Thecity laynestledinapicturesquevalleysurroundedbymountains,includingthemajesticMount Trebevic. TheMiljacka River cut through thecity from east to west with most of the importantlandmarksdotting itsbanks.Onits southwesternsidewere the Bosnia River and the airport. Tallminaretsand church steeples adorned the landscape, and tiledroofs covered whitewashed homes with patches ofgreenvegetation scattered about. Localssaid Sarajevowasevengreener before thewar,but theshortageofheatingoil forcedresidentsto cutdowntreesanduseanythingelsetheycouldfindforfuel.LikeMostar,SarajevowasamixofEastandWest.

Old and new. Cobblestone and asphalt roads.McDonalds restaurants and Turkish coffee shops.

Although the majestic city played host to the 1984WinterOlympics, it couldno longerhidethe realitiesof war. Sarajevo was now held hostage by its ownminority Serbpopulation,whichhad heavy assistancefromborderingSerbia.The Serbs controlled themountains and the exits

and entrances to the valleys with tanks, artillery andsnipers.Holesdecoratedbuildingsandpavements,and

flowers were scattered here and there hastymemorialswhereaninnocentsoulleftthisworld.General Klein stationed the U.N. convoy at the

Holiday Inn. Like the rest of Sarajevo, the yellow,rectangularbuildingcouldnothideitsbruisesfromthewarandbulletholesornamented theexternalwalls tothe 10th floor.Despite the obviousdamage, Sam stilladmiredthebuildingsdesign.Ratherthanarectangular

building, itwasas if thedesignerwas inspired touseLegoblocksandaccidentallyleftsomeout.Itwasalso


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a haven for the many journalists who gathered to

document the war. Perhaps thats what made it theSerbsfavoritetargetpractice.Before checking in, Klein gathered his men and

pointedoutafewbasicsafetyconcerns.Alwaystravel inpairs,hesaidlookingateachof

them. This is the frontline. Dont ever walk alonehere, anddont fireunlessyoure firedupon. Alwayscarry a first-aid kit. As the weather gets colder, you

must also carry an emergency foil-blanket and flareswithyou.SarajevoisnotMostar.As Klein spoke, Sam quickly glanced around and

saw Rik listening with rapt attention, Petrus offeringthegeneralhisusualindifferentlookandJohannuswaswell, itwashard to readhim.His facebetrayednoemotion.

Although staying at aHoliday Inndid not at firstseemtobeahugeprivilege,Samsoonfoundthat therates the U.N. and the journalists were payingamounted to what the current Bosnian made in oneyear.Priceshadtripled,quadrupledand,insomecases,evenrisentenfold.Cigarettes,food,fuelandgunswerevaluable trading commodities. The more middlementherewere, thegreaterthemultiplicationfactor.Prices

forAmericanMarlboroswentup to asmuch as500DeutscheMarksacarton,fromwhathadbeenamere50DMbefore thewar.Basic foodstuff suchasflour,oilandeggswasliterallypaidforingold,diamondsandsemi-precious jewels as people traded in their jewelryandothervaluablestosurvive.Sams responsibilities in Sarajevo were not much

different from those he had in Mostar. Deliver and

distributethemeagerfoodandsupplies,andreportanyviolations of the fragile truce. Each morning Sam


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would help distribute flour, oil and other basic

essentials the convoy brought. Anytime he met afriendly face, he would ask if the person knew of amotherand twochildrenfromMostar.Eachtimethereplywas,Idontknow.Although Sam saw parallels between Sarajevo and

Mostar,hefoundthatwhatmadeSarajevodistinctwasthe stranglehold the Serbs held on the city.Militarily,height was an advantage; this gave the Serbs totalcontrol.Eachdaytheywouldshellandshoot into thecity.EachdaySamwouldhearnewsabouthowmanypeople were killed or maimed. It reminded him ofOaklandandEastPaloAlto;eachcityhadatonetimebeenthemurdercapitaloftheU.S.SamfeltlikeBosniamustbethemurdercapitaloftheworld.Eachtimeheheard the news, he would wonder why people killed

one another.Whatmotivated them to killwhatwereformerlytheirownbrethren?ThesiegeonthecityhadbegunApril5,1992,and

everyday,men,womenandchildrenwerekilled,mostofthemtragicvictimsintheirattemptatlivingnormalcivilianlives.TheonlytimetheBosniandefenseforcescould strike back was at night, when the Serbsweremorelikelytobedrunk.

As thedayswentby, Samcontinued to search forthe Halilovic family. Although he had built a certainrapport with his colleagues, he was hesitant aboutopeningupto themaboutwhathewasdoingoutsidehis assigned responsibilities. At the Holiday Inn, hestarted by asking the front desk staff, the bellman,anyonewhohethoughtcouldhelphimgetsomewherein his search. Thebartender suggested he try various

aidagenciesinthearea.


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Sam visited the Red Cross down the street and

described the Halilovic family to the first worker hemet.SinceSamhadonlytheirnamesandbasicfamilydescriptions, the worker said it would be nearlyimpossible to find them. Next, he tried the IslamicReliefaidagencyacrosstown,butstillcameupempty.Sam started becoming disheartened. One evening,

after another day of fruitless searching, he satdespondentlyatthehotelbarwithaPepsiinhand.

Youlooklike,youcouldusesomecompany.CanIjoinyou?Sam looked up. A tall, well-built, 30-something

Bosnian stood looking curiously at him. He wore ablackpoloshirtandcamouflagepants.HewasMehmetLatifovic, aBosnianmilitary leadermanyof the localshadtoldhimabout.

Sure,Samsaidsurprised.Mehmetsmiledandsatdown.Just water please, he told the bartender before

turningtoSam.ImMehmet,hesaidholdingouthishand.You

mustbewiththeU.N.Samnodded.ImSamMurad.Youweredeepinthought.Issomethingtroubling

you?ImlookingforafamilythatfledfromMostar,but

Ihaventhadanyluckfindingthem.Youvisitedtheaidagencies?Yes,andtheU.N.,ofcourse,andaskedthelocals,

but.This is a large city andwehavemany refugees,

Mehmetsaid.Youhavetobepatientandlucky.

Canyouhelp?Itsreallyimportant.Whatisfamilyname?


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Halilovic.WhenMostarfell,Sadik,thefather,was

killed.ButIthinkthemother,sonanddaughtermighthavesurvivedandcomehere.Andmaybenot,Idontknow.Mehmettookalongdrinkfromhisglass,thinkinga

little.Illaskaround,hesaidthoughtfully.Thankyou,Samsaidgratefully.Illoweyou.Ill see what I can do. Now let me guess, you

Canadian?Close. Youre not that far off. Actually Im

AmericanAmerican!TherearenoAmericansontheground

here.YouCIA?No,No,justpoorcollegestudent,nowwithUN.

StupidlyhopedthatIcouldhelpbringpeace.American on the ground? said Mehmet, still in

disbelief and lit a cigarette. Thats first! Morecoming?IhopethatImthefirstofmany.Samwantedto

change the subject away from himself. How aboutyou?Whatsyourdeal?Samasked.I was with the U.N. until a few months ago,

Mehmetsaidlookingintohisglassandtakinganotherpuffofhiscigarette.

Andthen?Samprompted.Mehmetsighed.LetsjustsaytheU.N.andme,we

dontgetalong.So,Iquit.Why?WhydidyoujointheU.N.?Mehmetaskedinstead.Sam again felt hot under the collar. Because.

BecauseIcouldntjuststandwatchingitonTV.Ihadto be on the ground, so here I am, handing out

supplies.


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There are others who can handle the job better

than you,Mehmet said. Sam lookedMehmet in theeye,whatwashetryingtosay?Butwe need something farmore important than

justfood.Whichis?Samprompted.Mehmet lookedup.If I tellyou, Illhavetohow

doyousay,killyou!helaughed. I havetogonow.MaybeIwillshowyouwhat remainsof ourbeautiful

citysometime.I would love that. Any chance we can do it

tomorrowmorning?Iwillseeyouat7.Sam sipped his Pepsi, which was flat by now,

amazedattheturnofevents.HedjustmetthepopularMehmet. Many highly educated people had left

Sarajevowhen the fighting first broke out; somehadbeen captured or executed. But people like Mehmetstayedbehind,theysurvivedandbecameleadersoftheresistance. Mehmet was a key logistician and it wasbecause of his skills that the U.N. had asked him tohelpcoordinateanddistributehumanitarianaid. Thensuddenly,hecut tieswiththeU.N.,butnooneknewwhy.Somepeopleexudeconfidenceanditappearsthis

Mehmetcouldpullstringsanywhere.If therewasoneman who could help finding the Halilovics, it wasMehmet.Sam awoke early the next morning. Although the

suns rays shimmered off the remnants of brokenwindowpanes, Samcould feel the early chill seep intohisbones.Anhourlater,stillcoldandtired,SammadehiswaytothefrontofthehotelwherehesawMehmet

standinginthebrightsunshine.MerhabaSam,Mehmetgreeted.


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Merhaba,Samsaid,discreetlystiflingayawn.

Lets go, Mehmet said turning and immediatelysetting off. They walked through Sarajevo, downMarshallTitoStreet,themainthoroughfareparallelingtheMiljackaRiver.See those signs, Pazi Snajper? Mehmet asked

pointingtosomesignspostedalongthestreet.Yes.Itreads,BewareofSnipers.SniperAlley, GeneralKlein told us towatchout

foritSamsaid.Well, when youre in your armored personnel

carriersoruniforms,youmaybeOK.Butdresslikeacivilianandyourejustanothertarget,Mehmetsaid.Thankyou.Thanksforthewarning,Samsaid.They walked on in silence. After a while, Sam

decidedtoaskwhatwasonhismind.SoIheardthatyoutransportguns.Isthattrue?Where did you hear that, asked Mehmet

uncomfortablewithSamsdirectness.Ihavemysources.Soyouretraffickingweapons?Mehmeteyesdarted towardsSamand then looked

away.Ihelptodefendourfrontlines.HedidntsayanymoreandSamdecidednottopushit.

As they approached a large mosque, Mehmetpointedto its top.Seetheminaretanddome?ThatstheGaziHusrefBeg.ItwasbuiltbyMuslimsin1530andisoneofthekeysymbolsofOttomanhistory.Theinscriptionthereisworthreading,Mehmetsaid.Butbecareful.Youreinthelineofsight.Samloweredhisheadandwalkedcautiouslytoward

theplaque.Hereadaloud.HusrefBegwasovertaken

bydarknessinastatewhichwasnotsleep.Whatdoyouthink?Mehmetasked.


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Thats deep. I dont know what the whole line

means but I guess they forecast the future, Sammused.Youreathinker.Nowletsmoveon.MehmettookSamtowardtheoldestpartofthecity.

Although itwasntmore than a few city blocks awayfromthehotel,thetwohadtotakeacircuitousroutetokeep away from the line of fire. It was more of anenergy-draininghikeforSamthanarelaxedsite-seeing

excursion.After a little while, they came to a place where

hundredsofsmallshopsandstallswerespreadbeforethem. This is Bascarsija, Mehmet said. The oldTurkish Bazaar,or rather,whats left of it.Some ofthestallswereoccupied,somederelict.Thetramsthathadonceprovidedthecityspublictransportationwere

nowscatteredaroundwithnotrackstorunon.Mehmet pointed to one side of the market. Seethatcorneroverthere?Samnodded.There was a peace march there on April 5th.

Hundreds of thousands of Bosnians gathered tocelebrate and demand our independence, and thatswherethefirstmartyrdied.

Whowashe?Samasked.It wasshe.ShewasaCroatian.SuadaDilberovic.

Youmustrememberherlastwords.Whatdidshesay?Oh please do not tell me this is happening in

Sarajevo.AsSamcontemplated the saying, therewasa loud

thudandthesoundofamortarshellexploding.

SamandMehmetquicklyducked.


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Quick,Mehmetsaidurgently.Wehavetomove

fast.Theresgoingtobeanotheronecoming.Therewasa burst of gunfire asbothmen ran for

cover.Dontruninastraightline,MehmetyelledatSam,whohadhisarmsheldoverhishead.Youdontwanttobecomepredictable.

Easy for you to say, Sam thought bitterly. Theystoppedatadjacentdoorwaysoftwosmallstorefronts,Sams heart was racing. Mehmet peered out, lookingforaclearrun.Remember thesewisewords,hemuttered as he

looked around, if you cansee the hills, the hills cansee you.He turned to Sam. Are you ready? Samnodded,nottrustinghimselftospeak.Astheytorefromstreettostreet,MehmetledSam

deeperintoareasofthecitythathadbeendamagedthe

most. Sam saw pieces of clothing, shoes and othertributes to life strewn carelessly along the streets.Rotting garbagefilled some areas. Inother places, hesaw what looked like blood stains. Mehmet stoppedrunningwhenhecametotheremainsofanold,multi-storiedbuildingwitharchesandcolumnssupportingadome.Can you guess what this used to be? Mehmet

askedastheywentin.Hard to say, Sampanted, clutchinghis side and

tryingtocatchhisbreath.ThiswastheCentralLibrary.Samseyesbulged.Theresnothingleft!Mehmetsmiled sadly and looked around. It once

housedmorethanamillionvolumes,somedatingbackhundredsofyears.Whenthey firebombed it,wewere

only able to save some books, but the rest are lostforever.Hesighed.


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They sat down for a while.Gunfire intermittently

soundedoutsideandseemedfarawaytoSam.Mehmetbrokethesilencefirst.Doyouwanttosee

someaction?What?On the frontlines. Do you want to meet our

soldiers?Sam hesitated. If hewent, it would violate all the

ruleshewassworntofollowwhilehere.Hecouldnot

takesidesorbecomeinvolved.Hesatthere,helplesslysheltering from theSerbsin theshellof a library.Nonot a library, a graveyard of knowledge. He realizedthathehadlefthispeacekeepingstatusbehindwithhisuniform in the hotel. Out here, he was like anyBosnian,anddressedasacivilian,hewasfairgametoSerbianartillery.Hereandnow,hecould finallyreally

understand how it felt to live everyday in fear, awalkingtarget.Sure,hefinallysaid.Good.After a while, the two men left the library and

carefullymadetheirwaytonondescriptbuildingsattheedge of the city. Mehmet began pointing out theBosnianoutposts.Someofthesoldiersweredressedin

allblackor inBosnianarmyfatigues.Butsurprisingly,mostweredressedasciviliansandnotallhadweapons.Stophere,Mehmetcommandedat onebuilding.

IwillrunacrossandwhenIgiveyouall-clear,runlikeyourlifedependsonit.Becauseitdoes.Samnodded.AshewatchedMehmetspeedtoward

anoutpost,hewasterrifiedandexcitedallatonce.Hewatched Mehmet reach the other side, look around,

noddedtosomeone,andthenwavedhishandstowardSam.


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JavedMohammed

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Samlookedaround.Itwashisturn.Takingadeep

breath,hesprinted,fast,staringonlyatMehmetandhisdestination, which, like in bad dreams, now seemedfartherawaythefasterSamtriedtoreachit.AssoonashereachedMehmet,hedoubledoverpanting;thefearandthesprintbothtookhisbreathaway.Mehmet slappedSamon theback. If youwant a

tasteofBosnia,youvegottoseeitfromoureyelevel.Sam recovered shortly andMehmet tookhim into

theoutpost,showinghimaround.ThemajorityofourarmyisBosnianMuslim,Mehmetexplained,butwehave Bosnian Croats and even a few Bosnian Serbsfightingforustoo.Wow,IthoughtalltheSerbswerefightingonthe

otherside,Samsaid.Mosthavelosttheirsanitybutnoteveryone.

Samsawthelonghairofafemalesoldier.Womenfightingtoo?Samasked.We need every able-bodied civilian we can get.

Andthewomenallhavevolunteered.Weturnnooneaway.IsawawomansoldieronTVathome,Samsaid,

remembering.Actually,more than 10%of ourarmy is female,

Mehmetsaid.Someofourbestwomenfightershavebeen recognized as Zlatni Ljiljani, the highestrecognitionforBosnianarmysoldiers.Thatsquiteanhonor.ThisonewomanIsawon

television,shelookedawesome.I can introduce you to many beautiful women,

MehmetchuckledSamblushed.No,Imnotlookingforthat.

Sure,Mehmetsaid, smilingand lookingat Samsredears.Whateveryousay.


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As they toured the outpost, Mehmet introduced

Sam to several of the soldiers. After a while, Samchecked hiswatch. Its getting late. I need to headback.Sure.Theyheadedbackto thehotel,zigzagging through

thestreetsonanunpredictablepath.Sowhat are the girls likeinCalifornia?Mehmet

askedastheywalked.

Um,whatdoyoumean?AretheyalllikeBayWatchgirls?No,not that Im awareof.Theremight bemore

women likethat inSouthernCalifornia,but Im fromthenorth,and there aremanykindsofwomen there,fromallovertheworld.Afterthisblastedwar,maybeyouandIcangotoL.A.andcheckthemouttogether,

Samlaughed.Mehmetsmiled.Youhavegirlfriend?Mehmetasked.No. Feeling a little hot around the collar, Sam

changedthetopic.Sowhatsyourstory?BeforewarIwasacivilengineer.Andthen?Then,IworkedwiththeU.N.,andnowIendup

here.

Nowife,kids?Mehmet remained silent, not making any eye

contact.IguessIlltakethatforano,chimedSam.The two reached the hotel. You want to get a

beer?Mehmetasked.Samlookedathiminsurprise.Thoughhewasnta

practicingMuslim,heneverdrankalcohol,whichwas

forbid

from bosnia with love first two chapters

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