friends for life. free template from pre-reading questions 1. how do you define “friends” and...

Friends for Life

Free template from www.brainybetty.com 2

Pre-reading questions

• 1. How do you define “friends” and “friendship?

• 2. How to choose a friend?

• 3. What is needed to make friendship grow, blossom and last?

• 4. Will a friendship end?


What is a friend ?

• 1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.2. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; comrade.3. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group.4. An acquaintance.


What is friendship?

• Friendship is an in-depth relationship.

• Friendship is comfortable and relaxed.

• Friendship requires meeting the needs of both friends.


Friendship Proverbs

• "Books and friends should be few but good."

• "A friend in need is a friend indeed." - Latin Proverb

• "A hedge between keeps friendship green."

• "To have a friend, be a friend.”


• "The death of a friend is equivalent to the loss of a limb." - German Proverb

• "Life without a friend is like death without a witness." - Spanish Proverb

• "A cheerful friend is like a sunny day spreading brightness all around."


International Friendship Day• August 6 is International

Friendship Day for 2006, time to recognize your friends and their contribution to your life. Friendship helps to bring peace and positivism to the globe - a great reason to celebrate!


Toxic/harmful or helpful?

• Entering into a friendship opens the door for hurt and harm; a harmful friend or a toxic friendship can be one of life's hardest relationship tribulations to forgive and forget. Toxic friends often come back to haunt you for a long time.


Harmful friends

• The person who makes use of others.

• The Betrayer .• A fault finder. • The Promise Breaker.• A Gossip. • The Self-centered Person .• The Competitor .


Ways of Maintaining friendship !• Be a good listener; refrain from

offering advice or moralizing. • Respect your friend's point of view.

Different personalities can complement each other; it isn't always necessary to see eye to eye.

• Never betray a trust. Trust, when violated, can ruin even the best friendship.


• Support and praise your friends; ignore their failures and imperfections.

• Never resent a friend's success. Instead, strive to admire her achievements.


• Flexibility is always important for maintaining friendships. Be understanding when your friend has a last minute change in plans. Learn to accept "I'm sorry to cancel, but we will have another time together Sunday."


• When paths begin to separate (you are married; he isn't or you have a baby; she is still childless) at forks in the road of life, that is the most important time of all to stay in touch with friends.


• Friends are on a seesaw. In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, of course, but with a true, lasting friendship it always evens out in the end.

• Best friends require one-on-one contact to survive. Telephone calls and getting together are musts for best friends to continue.


Friendships Do End!!

• Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever. Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end.


• Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.


• The biggest threat to a friendship is change.

• Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.


Structural Analysis

• Part 1 ( Para 1-2) Introduction The author raises a common

problem and supplies a psychological definition.

• Part 2( Para 3-4) Discuss friendship within family ties.

• Part 3( Para 5-8) It points out the significance of friendship outside kinship ties.


• Part 4( Para 9-11) Discuss the friendship between opposite sexes.

• Part 5( Para 12-13) How to fix a broken friendship.

• Part 6( Para 14-15) The author’s friendship with her grandchildren.


Part 1

• 1. What is the definition of “friend” by psychologists?

• 2. How does the author understand “friends”?


Language Points

1. a term of endearment

It means “an expression of affection, a word that makes people feel warm and beloved.”

actions or words that express your love for someone

Boobee n. A term of endearment, originally for a child.


2. identify: to find out what something is

• He identifies beauty with goodness. 他认为美与善是一致的。

His accent is difficult to identify.

Scientists have identified the gene that causes abnormal growth.

Cf identical


• 3. confide: 1) trust She’s nice but I don’t feel I can

confide in her. （与 in 连用）倾诉 2) to tell sth. secrete or personal

to sb.• One evening he came and confided

to me that he had spent five years in prison.

（与 to 连用）吐露（心事、秘密等）


In our transient cultures,…

• In our cultures in which things, ideas, etc. change quickly .

• transient (transitory ） : lasting for only a short period of time

• His many love affairs had only bought him transient pleasures.

• transient laborers 临时工• the transient beauty of youth “ 短暂的青春年华”• Life is transient. 人生如朝露。


short

• speech/piece of writing:• brief, concise, condensed,

abridged• person:• not very tall, little, tiny, petite• time/event:• brief, quick, momentary, fleeting,

ephemeral, transient, passing, short-lived


• legs/fingers:

• stumpy, stubby

• clothes:

• skimpy


And so many people singled into their thirties…

• And so many people remain single in their thirties,… 单身 , 没有结婚

• The number of single-parent families has risen greatly in recent years.

• a single bed 单人床• a single ticket 单程票• single combat. 一对一的格斗• Singles: unmarried persons considered

as a group 单身末婚者的总称

• a bar for singles. 单身酒吧


essential

• “Completely necessary for sth.”• Food is essential to life.

食物是维持生命不可或缺的。• What is the essential difference

between these two economic systems?

这两种经济体制的本质区别是什么 ?• essential oils 香精油• essentials of life 生活必需品


Part 2 （ Pa3-4 ）• Her own experiences tells the

readers that friendship can occur in marriage and families, which might be a surprise to many people.

• occur: 1) to take place; happen• The accident occurred at five

o'clock.• 2) （与 to 连用）想起；想到


• An idea occurred to me.

我想到一个主意。• occur to sb. 浮现在某人脑海中 ;

被某人想到• It occurred to me that ...

• 我刚刚想到 ...

• Sth happened to me…


This was the case with me.:

• I was the good example.• the case: true• Is it the case that you’ve lost your

passport?• in case 以防；可能；倘若• Take a hat with you in case the sun is

very hot.• in case of 如果；万一• In case of rain they can't go.


• desperately: desperate• having lost all hope; despairing.• 同义词 : terribly; awfully;

extremely• fiercely: violently; terribly• fierce attack/opposition/criticism • a fierce storm 狂风暴雨• fierce competition• a fierce person or animal is angry

or ready to attack, and looks very frightening


Part 3 ( 5-6, 7-8)

• Friendship ranks …as…• rank as /among: consider as…, be

considered to be one of…• Yao Ming ranks among the world’s

best basketball players.• This town ranks high among beauty

spots. 这城市在风景区中享有盛名。• He ranked first in the class.

他在班上名列前茅 .


上海被列为世界上最繁华的城市之一。Shanghai ranks as one of the most

prosperous cities in the world.

It is not always easy to rank the students in order ofability.

She is now fifth in the world rankings.


Their acceptance affirms…

• That our friends accept what we are makes us feel assured.

• affirm: to support

• The suspect affirmed that he had been at home all evening.


• individual: a human being regarded as a unique personality

• an individual style 独特风格• rights of individuals 个人权利• Each individual leaf on the tree is

different.

• a very individual way of dressing


We make no vows…

• vow: a solemn/ serious promise

• He vowed to look after his mother when his father died.

n. oath make a vow: promise.

marriage vow/ wedding vow

keep/break a vow


• unstated: not stated

• caring: loving and sympathetic

• It is possible for men to be tough, and at the same time, caring and sensitive.


Para 7-8 friend-making

• A gradual relaxation of vigilance…• A process of sharing. According

to the modern psychology people usually adopt a defensive attitude in the initial stage of befriending. In this stage, an individual has a kind of caution or alertness in his communication with new friends. This kind of emotional and psychological distance is called vigilance.


• With the development of friendship, they became more familiar with each other, and the alertness is removed bit by bit, and the distance between them is shortened little by little, hence gradual relaxation.


• Becoming friends means a process of sharing. When revealing what they really are to each other, they gradually become less guarded.


• …when the intensity becomes too one-sided.

• Even a best friendship needs the balance mentioned in the preceding two sentences. It goes out of balance( unsteady), if one of the two parties is very open and protective of the other, but the other party does little in return.


• Total disclosure

• It means revealing oneself to someone else completely.

• instinctual : instinctive;

derived from instinct; based on instinct rather than knowledge


• Blossom: produce flowers

• We should attach more attention and skill to the heart of friendship, i.e. how to make the relationship blossom ,grow and survive.

• The peach tree has an excellent blossom this year.

• come into blossom 开始开花


• New industries can blossom over night if we find an outlet for their products.

如果我们为他们的产品找到出路 , 新的工业一夜间就能出现。

• The child blossomed into a beauty. 那个女孩出落为了一个美人 .• in blossom （树或矮树丛）正开花；高峰时

期


• involve: include, concern

• The accident involved two cars and a lorry.

• reveal: make known

• He refused to reveal secretes to the Russians.


• Vigilance: alert watchfulness

• sharpen [heighten] one's vigilance

• 提高警惕• relax vigilance 放松警惕• vigilance man 维持治安组织的

成员• Constant vigilance is necessary in

order to avoid accidents.

• 经常的警戒是避免意外事故所必需的。


• Friends must learn to o strike a balance between the inclination to be open and the need to be protective of each other’s feelings. 朋友应学会在喜欢吐露心声和想要保护彼此感情之间找到一种平衡 .

• balance( v.) : give care and attention to both things

• I had to do a balancing act between work and family.


• My accounts balance for the first time this year!

• Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice held talks on Saturday with Japan and Australia to deepen a three-way regional alliance aimed in part at balancing the spreading presence of China. (2006-03-19 NY times )

• n. 秤 , 平衡 , [ 商 ] 收支差额 , 结余 , 余额

• The balance of the wages was devoted to new books on flower culture.

• 同义词 : weigh the advantages and disadvantages 权衡利弊


• Get out of balance: lose balance• intensity: exceptionally great

concentration, power, or force.• one-sided: (adj.) favoring one side

or group; partial or biased 只见问题之一面的 , 片面的

• a one-sided view 片面的观点• one-sided love 单相思• Have a crush on sb.


• intimacy: 1) the condition of being intimate. 亲密的状况

• 2) be familiar with 熟悉 ; 熟识• His intimacy with Japan makes

him the likely choice as ambassador to that country.

• 他是日本通 , 很可能被委派为驻日大使。


Part 4 (Para 9-11)

• Question:

• 1.How do you interpret the sentence “What I knew about women I’d learned from my father?

• 2. Was there any problem in Michael’s relation with his girlfriend? Where did the problem stem from?


Answers to the questions:

• 1. The sentence is structured in a inverted order. The normal sentence order would be “I had leaned what I knew about women from my father”.

• 2. Yes. It can be inferred that Michael had some problems with his girlfriend before he met Marcia. The problem stemmed from his out-of-date knowledge about women and his patronizing attitude to them.


• mingle: mix

• patronizing: behaving toward other people as if superior or more important, i.e. like a patron

• Don’t be so patronizing-I’m not a child any more. I know about it just as much as you do.


• complaint: an expression of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.

• He poured out his complaints before me.

• complaint department 顾客意见接纳处

• He who makes constant complaint gets little compassion.

[ 谚 ] 经常诉苦，少人同情。• make a complaint 提出不满意见对 ... 提

出控告 Complain v. Complainer n.


• I’m indebted to her for that:

I’m grateful to her for that.

be indebted to : be grateful because of help given

• I'm indebted to all the staff who have been working so hard.

我十分感激一直如此努力工作的全体员工。• be indebted to a person for a large

sum 欠某人一大笔钱


Part 5 (Para 12-13)

• 1. What is meant by” …she and I found each other again?” (Para 13)

• It meant that we found that we needed each other and renewed our friendship.

• 2. What is the meaning of “sibling rivalry?”

• It refers to our natural tendency to compete with our brothers or sisters for affection of our parents or other favorable acknowledgements in school and society.


• straighten out: to settle sth. by removing the confusion or difficulties in it.

• Mr. Li promised to straighten everything out, so I signed the paper.


• shrug one’s shoulders: to raise (the shoulders), especially as a gesture of doubt, disdain, or indifference

• Body language

http://www.links2love.com/body_language_1.htm


• rivalry: competition • There is great rivalry between the

two sisters. 这两姐妹间有一场激烈的竞争。• sibling rivalry 同胞竞争：同胞兄弟姐妹为了争得双亲或双亲之一的抚爱、感情和注意，或为了获得其他承认或利益而开展的竞争


Part 6 ( Para 14-15)

1. Near the end of his battle with cancer…: he was going to die of cancer.

• battle: a fight, struggle Here it is a metaphor.2. Each time I find new friendship…Each time: every timeEach time she sees me, she always

gives me a warm hug.


Dictation

• Intimacy 亲密 • Obstacle 障碍 ;阻碍• Temptation 诱惑• Exclusive a. 排他的 , 独有的• Tendency 倾向• Wither 枯萎 ;失去新鲜度• Interpersonal relationship 人际关系• Clarity 明确 ;明了


• A true friend is someone who stays with you for life. The sharing of intimacies, including our fears as well as our dark dreams, is the surest way to deepen friendships. What are some of the obstacles to friendship? The greatest is the temptation to expect too much too soon. Deep relationships take time. Another difficulty is the selfish tendency to think one “possesses” the other, with an almost exclusive right to his time and attention.


Similarly, friendships require mutual actions. In brief, you must give as much as you take. Unless you spend reasonable time together, talking on the phone, writing letters, doing things together, friendships will “wither” . As in all interpersonal relationships, success depends on clarity of purpose, openness to others, and a willingness to experiment.

friends for life. free template from pre-reading questions 1. how do you define “friends” and...

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