forgiveness is key in marriage

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

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FORGIVENESS IS KEY IN MARRIAGE

To sustain your marriage, you must live forgiving.


2 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”.

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+3%3A7&version=ESV

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+4%3A32&version=ESV


3 Romans 12:19-21 ‘Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good’.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12:19-21&version=ESV


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Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses”.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6:14-15&version=ESV


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John 20:23 “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+20:23&version=ESV


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Second only to our relationship with God, marriage is the single most important relationship that we will ever have. People enter into a marriage with great joy and wonderful expectations of spending the rest of their days with the love of their life.


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Vows are exchanged, commitments are made, and the journey of learning how to make two distinctly different individuals become one begins.


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As people stay together, they realize that the husband/wife has many faults and it is not the same person you knew before. Marriage conflicts become part of their staying together. To survive or to sustain that marriage the couple has to learn to forgive each other.


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Forgiving your spouse does not mean that you must tolerate and accept abusive behavior, whether it is mental, emotional, physical, or marital infidelity.


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Those types of behaviors are absolutely unacceptable, and should never be tolerated by anyone. Living with the attitude of forgiveness towards the abuser is mandatory, living with the abuser is not.


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For any marriage to succeed, the couple must respond with forgiveness from the very heart of Jesus. Whether it is marital unfaithfulness, mistreatment, or any other reason, forgiveness must reign.


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It has been said, and I think rightly so, that “Marriage at its best is a struggle”. In order for a marriage to continue and grow strong it must flow in forgiveness.


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Forgiveness can be quite painful when it involves someone you are madly in love with. In marriage, forgiveness is not "Don't worry about what you did, I'm fine with it and we all make mistakes."


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It sounds spiritual and great coming out of our mouths, but inside we are struggling with hypocrisy. We are plagued by an abyss of pain, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Forgiveness is not lip service. It is a change


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Forgiveness is not forgetting the offense. Forgiveness is not choosing to inflict the price for the offense.


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Forgiveness becomes a struggle when we seek to please our flesh. We struggle because the Holy Spirit demands that we be like Christ. God is as displeased with unforgiveness as he is with sexual sins, deception, lying, and envy.


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We should be concerned for ourselves when we seek revenge on the people we promised to love, honor, and cherish. Unforgiveness unequivocally implicates the wickedness hidden in our hearts and the depravity of our own souls.


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Real Forgiveness Is

Real forgiveness is threefold. 1. Forgiveness means excusing

the penalty for an offense, offering pardon.

2. Forgiveness means renouncing anger and resentment.

3. Finally, forgiveness is a choice. God gave all of us the power to choose.


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These definitions are simplistic, but they pack enough power to loosen the stronghold of unforgiveness.


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Forgiveness is a gift not a given thing. When we choose to forgive our spouse, we are giving up our "right" to hold something against them.


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Asking for Forgiveness1. Make an unconditional apologyAn unconditional apology focuses on our responsibility in the matter – not our spouse's. It should sound something like this, "I was wrong for what I did and I am so sorry." Period.


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We don't make excuses or point the finger at our spouse. An unconditional apology should not sound like this, "I am sorry, BUT IF YOU wouldn't have..." That is NOT an unconditional apology.


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2.Humbly ask for the gift of forgivenessAgain, since forgiveness is not a given thing, we must ask for it. After our apology we need to sincerely ask our spouse to forgive us.


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3. Follow up with actionThis is what gives substance to apologizing and asking for forgiveness. We need to sincerely repent – or turn away – from our wrongs. Whether it's attitudes or actions, we need to show our spouse that we are changing.


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And, we need to be open to his/her input as to what constitutes satisfactory change. Remember, he/she is the one who has been hurt so he/she might require more from us than we think necessary. But, we should be aware of his/her needs and be open to his/her suggestions.


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4. Give your spouse timeEven if your spouse does accept your apology and grant forgiveness, we can't expect things to be better right away. Now sure, you might get over the small things more quickly – but for bigger things, it can take your spouse time to warm up to you again.


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Be patient with them. Time will show that you are changing and are sincere about not hurting them again.


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Granting Forgiveness

1. Forgiveness is a choice not a feelingWe may not feel like forgiving our mate. We may want to harbor the anger and hurt and make them pay for what they have done. But, once you decide you want to grant forgiveness, you can begin to work through those feelings.


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2. Share your hurtAfter your spouse has apologized and asked for forgiveness you need to talk about the matter before you move on. It might be uncomfortable, but you need to share how you feel about what has happened.


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Don't point a finger at them; just share how you feel, so they understand the depth of your hurt. Make sure you feel heard, before you move on.


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3. Plan for changeDecide together what your spouse's change of heart will look like. Be clear about what you expect and what you need. The goal here is not to punish with requirements, but to set up guidelines that you both agree to. That way, there will be fewer gray areas that can lead to disappointment.


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4. Stop Mentioning Those Things Again and Again When your mind starts to wander and you begin to dwell on the incident and the hurt they caused you, tell yourself to stop. It's one thing to need to talk to someone like a pastor or a counselor about your pain so you can move past it, but it's another when you keep inflicting the pain on yourself by dwelling on the hurt.


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Deciding to truly forgive your spouse is re-committing to your relationship. Don't sabotage that recommitment by focusing on the negative.


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5. Give yourself timeJust deciding to forgive will not strip away all of the pain of the incident. You need to give yourself time.


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No one can make you forgive. It is your choice. But, if you decide not to forgive you will suffer the consequences of bitterness and frustration that harboring resentment brings.


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On the other hand, when you grant forgiveness you are taking the first step in ridding your heart of the pain you now feel. You are saying, "Yes, you hurt me and what you did was wrong. But, I am giving up my right to punish you. In so doing, I am rising above the pain you have caused me."


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Finally I say like this about marriage: You made a choice of your spouse when saw him/her. So you have to work out your marriage and the key to successful marriage is forgiving each other.


38 From the word SEE, I would

suggest the following: S- Suffering in your marriage E- Enduring your marriage E- Enjoying your marriage. In order to enjoy your marriage

you must live a forgiving life. FORGIVE.. FORGIVE…

FORGIVE….FORGIVE…..

forgiveness is key in marriage

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