Start Your Marriage The Right Way By

Avoiding These Common But Deadly

Mistakes Which Can RUIN Your Chance Of

Happiness With Your Spouse!

By Pure Matrimony

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Contents

Introduction 4

Respect And Be Respected! 5

To Love or Not To Love 8

Quit the Nagging 10

Letting the Rot Set In 11

Failing to Know Your Roles 13

Right on the Money 17

The Dreaded In-Laws 21

Conclusion 23

Recommendations 25

Looking After Your Spouse Starts Here...

Introduction

Marriage is supposed to be half of your Deen and one of the biggest

sources of blessings in your life.

It is narrated by Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the

Messenger of Allah SAW said: "When a man marries, he has

fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the

remaining half."

Most marriages start off with the ‘honeymoon period’ where nothing else

matters except your spouse and you’re surrounded in marital bliss...that

is until slowly but surely either life gets in the way or certain preventable

factors do!

The truth is no marriage can survive on just love alone. Allah SWT has

commanded us with particular roles and responsibilities. We have also

been warned that our marriage will be tested in accordance to the

following hadith:

The Prophet SAW said: "Iblis places his throne upon water; he then

sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the

nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating

dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he

says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes

and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of

discord between a husband and a wife.” Shaytaan goes near him

and says: “You have done well.” He then embraces him”

(Sahih Muslim and narrated by Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah).

The aim of this report is to outline 7 of the most common mistakes which

if left unchecked, can eventually lead to separation or even divorce.

Whether you are yet to get married or have been married for a while,

you’ll discover how to deal with these issues so you are well prepared

and can have a happy, prosperous and successful marriage in this life

and the next ameen!

One: Respect And Be Respected!

Men and women are different by nature – women are more emotional

whereas men are more physical and practical. This is how Allah SWT

has created us and He knows best how we are and what we respond to.

In essence, men look for respect in a marriage, whereas women look for

love. This is in accordance to how Allah SWT has made them. Even

though both are needed by EACH spouse towards one another, it’s

important to remember that if neither love nor respect are present in the

relationship, the marriage is essentially dead.

Because of this, a married couple have to have RESPECT first and

foremost between them, since you cannot love someone without first

respecting them.

What are the signs of disrespect for one another?

Shouting and getting angry over issues

Being verbally or physically abusive

Putting a person down all the time

Knocking a person’s confidence by attacking their

appearance or abilities

Deliberately being disobedient and doing things their spouse

despises

Humiliating their spouse in front of others

Exposing private affairs to others

Lying and dishonesty are also forms of disrespect

Although this works BOTH ways, it is MORE IMPORTANT for men. If a

man doesn’t feel respected, he will do everything he can to avoid his

wife.

This means that he will prefer to go out and sit with friends, or spend

time away from his family in his own company. Even worse, it can mean

that he refuses to share the same bedroom as his wife out of anger. In

time, the wife will feel severely neglected and feel as if he no longer

cares about her.

If a woman doesn’t feel respected, she will get upset, emotional, cry and

refuse to speak (silent treatment) or avoid being around her husband.

Although she will still do things to please her husband, she will actually

distance herself away from him, avoiding being around him for too long.

Fix It NOW!

So how do you pull together a relationship, especially when things are

worse than they seem? Naturally, prevention is always better than cure.

However, here are some tips to keep the respect both ways...

Never shout at one another – EVER! When you know you are

about to speak about something that could potentially cause

friction, do your wudu first because the Prophet SAW taught us

that anger is from the Shaytaan. Since Shaytaan is made from fire,

doing wudu will dampen the anger down

Avoid name calling at all times as it is damaging to each other’s

self-esteem

Never criticise the person, but instead constructively criticise the

behaviour. This way you’re not attacking your spouse in a way

which can make them feel resentful

The Prophet SAW told us the following when we are angry:

The Prophet SAW gave us other practical advice. He said: “If

one of you gets angry and he is standing, then he should sit

down until his anger subsides. If it does not, then he should

lie down.” (Sunan Abu Dâwûd)

We should seek refuge with Allah when we become angry:

“Two men began hurling insults at one another in the

presence of the Prophet SAW, each one insulting the other

with such anger that his face had turned red. The Prophet

SAW said: “I know a word that if one were to say it, what

stresses him would go away. If he would but say: ‘I seek

refuge with Allah from Satan the Accursed'.” (Sahîh al-

Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim)

Stay quiet! The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us not to

speak when we are angry. He said:

“If one of you gets angry, he should be quiet.” (Musnad

Ahmad)

NEVER swear or use foul language – especially if you are a

woman as this is highly damaging to yourself and lowers a man’s

opinion of you

If all else fails, go and take a walk! Calm down and then when you

are BOTH calm, sit down and talk about your problems rather than

shout them out

Accept there are some things which you may always disagree

upon and agree to disagree. That is better for you and your

akhirah!

If things are very bad, see a scholar or respected Sheikh who will

Insha’Allah be able to give you further guidance

Lastly, remember that if you give respect, you will be respected. If you

are disrespectful, don’t expect your other half to love what you do and

expect to have problems if you choose not to do something about it.

Two: To Love or Not To Love...

As mentioned in the first part on respect, love is also very important.

Now let’s clear up something at the outset because it’s vital you

understand how much this can impact your future as husband and wife.

Love does not mean an undying affection that is so selfish you forget the

family that raised you! This kind of love is purely in the movies! Real love

means to care for one another deeply and to be mindful of them so as

not to cause them hurt or upset. It also means to look after one another

and be selfless not selfish.

The kind of ‘earth shattering’ love you see in the movies is just that –

make-believe, so it’s important to be realistic. Women are more

emotional than men and in general require more affection and need to

be told they are special.

Men on the other hand, show their love in a more physical way – such

as working hard and providing for their families, ensuring all their family’s

financial and physical needs are met and doing ‘hands on’ practical

things that signify to their wives that they care for them. In other words,

they rely less on the emotional and romantic expressions of love and

more on the ‘I can take care of you’ hard work kind of love.

This is a crucial difference between men and women and is how Allah

Almighty has created us. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but

the reality is that love does not pay the bills. This is where a lot of

problems occur in marriages – especially when the honeymoon period is

over and reality sets in.

At this stage, women will often feel as if their husbands no longer want

to be with them 24/7 and feel insecure. The reverse is true however. The

truth is men LOVE their wives which is why they want to work and show

you how hard they are working to take care of you!

So how do we balance the two opposites where the wife feels neglected

or even complains her husband is cold, while the men feel as if their

wives are being overly emotional and clingy?

The first step is to accept that this is how Allah SWT has drawn the

distinction between men and women. The next step is to ‘step into each

other’s shoes’ and understand what your spouse is feeling.

Here are some tips to take the sting out of the ‘honeymoon gone cold’

feeling:

Men should NOT be stingy in how much love they show their

wives. This is not from the sunnah!

“It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate

of like nature in order that he might dwell with her in love" (7:189)

Women should never complain to their husbands if they are

working hard to provide for the family. Instead, agree upon ‘couple

time’ and schedule it in your diary like an appointment. This way,

you’ll both benefit from quality time together.

Keep the fire alive by doing small, consistent things such as a hug

before going to work and when returning home from work.

Sisters should be mindful to beautify themselves for the sake of

their husbands – and should not take offense or feel insecure if

their husband doesn’t seem to notice (a common complaint!). The

fact that you have done this is showing your husband that he is

special enough for you to make the effort for.

Brothers, be mindful of your women! So when they cook and the

food is nice, say so! Don’t be stingy in your compliments or start

complaining about the food instead. If you don’t like it, keep quiet!

If your wife asks you how it was, simply say ‘Alhamdulillah’

A simple rule of thumb for all couples to learn from – showing

small kindnesses to one another throughout the day is an easy

way to show your spouse you love them – especially when you do

it with a smile and to help them out.

Develop a hobby you can do together – there is a simple rule

which states that ‘couples who play together, stay together’. Find

something you both love to do and make a regular habit of doing it

together!

Lastly, when kids come along, don’t neglect one another (which

often happens). Spend time as a family so you are not missing out

or feeling left out.

Three: Quit the Nagging!

If there is one thing that men hate, its women who nag at them

constantly. Similarly women hate men who whinge and moan about

everything. How many times have you heard couples saying things like:

‘Her nagging never stops, so I just leave the house’ or ‘He is never

happy with whatever I do, it’s never good enough’?

These are common traits within the genders that are almost universal!

The problem is not the occasional moaning or nagging...it’s when it

takes place over a prolonged period of time. That’s when the resentment

sets in.

The best way to deal with this is as follows:

Never nag or complain when your spouse has just come in from

work, or when they are really tired.

Instead, wait until they have eaten, rested and are in a good mood

to talk to them about any issues that you may be having.

If your spouse constantly complains, the best thing to do is to

ignore it! It's better to you to wait until they have calmed down, at

which point you can explain to them how you feel about their

constant complaining.

Think in terms of problems and solutions. For example, if your

spouse has certain issues that they raise with you all the time, your

response should be to come up with a solution that will prevent

them from having to complain to you again. Talk it over with them,

and get their input so they feel as if they are being heard.

If addressing the issue in person leads to arguments, it may be

better to write things down. Leave everything for an hour or so

before giving the notes to your partner. At this point you should be

mindful that what you write down is concise and is not a direct

attack on them.

Finally, if your spouse has a habit of complaining all the time, try

and understand where they are coming from. Usually complaining

is a symptom of deeper issues such as feeling neglected or being

made to feel unimportant.

Four: Letting the Rot Set In

Sometimes problems occur at a deeper level within a relationship. This

can happen at any time and anything can trigger it. However, it usually

occurs when one spouse is repeatedly doing something to hurt the

other. The problem here is that if it's not addressed and resolved quickly,

then resentment and bitterness sets in.

When this happens, the relationship begins to break down and couples

feel distant to each other if it's not resolved immediately. Usually by this

point, relationships teeter dangerously on the verge of complete

breakdown. If drastic action isn't taken then it can result in separation or

divorce.

Some of the most common causes of breakdown and relationships are

as follows:

financial hardships

in-laws

incompatibility

differences in raising children

religious differences

neglecting one another

infidelity

stressful jobs

Each of these requires its own rules of how to resolve them, and some

of these will be covered later. Here are some of the best ways of dealing

with difficult situations, no matter what they are.

Don't stop talking! And when we mean talk, we really do mean talk

and not shouting! Giving each other the silent treatment adds fuel

to the fire in much the same way as shouting does

Never avoid the issue at hand by burying your head in the sand

and pretending it will all go away. The truth of the matter is it rarely

does unless you actively do something to stop it

Use something called a ‘solution board’ - a simple technique which

allows you to instantly see what your options are. Simply take a

large piece of paper and write down the problem in the middle.

Now all you do is brainstorm ways in which you can solve the

problem. The next thing you need to do is number your solutions in

order of priority. What you'll end up with is a list of things which you

can try to solve the problem at hand

Root cause analysis is an excellent tool, especially when you feel

as if you're hitting your head against a brick wall. Here you keep

asking ‘why?’ until you arrive at the root cause of the problem:

o For example, your spouse doesn't get on with your mother.

So you ask yourself why. In this case, she feels that your

spouse is not good enough for you. So ask why again - she

thinks this is because your spouse does not have a good job.

So now you know the cause, look at ways or solutions to

help you overcome the problem

If the worst comes to the worst, seek help - but never from your

family! This usually adds fuel to the fire. Instead, ask a mutual

friend who will be impartial, or go and speak to a counsellor. Your

local imam should be able to help too

Stick to your normal routine. Normality during times of stress is

critical to keeping things balanced and on track

Usually sisters tend to get very upset, depressed and emotional

when things go wrong. As a result, they cry a lot - which never

helps the situation. In fact, crying usually inflames the situation –

so don’t do it!

Men have two main ways of dealing with stress - they either ignore

it, or they prefer to avoid being around their spouse. Either way,

their spouse feels as if they are being neglected and completely

rejected. Make sure you TALK to your wife!

Never over analyse the situation. There is a saying that worry

gives a small thing a big shadow. This is certainly true. Make a lot

of dua to Allah SWT for guidance, do your istikhara and make a

habit of doing istighfar as much as possible, since Allah SWT is

more likely to answer your duas

Five: Failing to Know your Roles and

Responsibilities

The key points for you to understand here are that men and women are

equal in terms of what Allah SWT expects of them as Muslims and the

reward they get. However, Allah SWT has given men a greater

responsibility over women as they are naturally stronger than them both

physically and emotionally.

This is why men are the ameers and protectors or maintainers of

women:

The Prophet SAW said, "Every one of you is a guardian and every

one of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a

guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian

of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her

husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a

guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that).

Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those

your wards)." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.116 Narrated by Abdullah

bin Umar)

As a general overview, here’s what Allah SWT has given us as our roles and responsibilities:

Men – The Responsibilities They Have Include:

Giving a marriage gift/dowry to his wife

“You shall give the women their due dowries, equitably” (4:4)

To keep his promises to the wife at the time of marriage

The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by

the husband is to "keep the promise or promises he made to

the wife at the time he married her." This is an order of the

Prophet SAW according to the hadith: "ahaqqu al-shuruti an

tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furuj"

Provide sustenance/financial support to his household according to

his status and means

o Food, clothing, housing, education, recreation, medication

etc.

o Husband must provide even if the is wife is rich

o Provision includes food preparation and looking after the

home!

Husband should help his wife around the home

To protect his family

Be patient and respectful to his wife in a way that he would expect

her to be respectful with him

Avoid excessive jealousy and never to be suspicious of his wife

without evidence

To treat his wife with compassion, kindness, love and not to

neglect her

To beautify himself for his wife! Most men think it’s just the duty of

the woman – but it’s NOT!

Good smelling and beautification; Allah SWT is Beautiful and He

loves beauty and cleanliness. Always be clean, neat and adorn

perfume.

Ibn Abbaas (ra) said: ‘I love to beautify myself for my wife as much as I love her to beautify herself for me.’

Give his wife her own home without relatives or in-laws living with

them To educate his wife in Islamic matters To fulfil her intimate needs and the right of the wife to the husband

is to ensure she fulfils his needs

The Prophet SAW said: "Having intercourse (with one’s wife) is a

charity.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, if one of us fulfils his

desire, is there reward in that?” He said, “Do you not see that if

he does it in a haram way he will have the burden of sin? So if he

does it in a halal way, he will have a reward for that.” (Muslim)

Women – Their Responsibilities Include:

To protect her husband’s possessions while he is away

“The woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is

responsible for it.” (Bukhari)

To dress pleasingly for him at all times

Asma bint Yazeed (R.A.) once came to Rasulullah SAW as an

ambassador of the ladies and said "Men have surpassed us in

rewards through juma, congregational prayers, visiting the ill,

participating in funeral prayers and protecting the borders of the

Islamic State." Rasulullah SAW sent her with the message "Your

adorning and beautifying yourselves for your husbands and your

strivings to please your husbands and your obedience to the

wishes of your husbands equals these actions (juma, jihaad etc.) in

rewards."

To go to her husband when he calls her

Abu Hurayrah (ra) said: The Messenger of Allah SWT said: “If a

man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the

night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” (Bukhari

and Muslim)

To raise her children properly and as righteous Muslims

To give her husband the utmost respect as the ameer of the home

“If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than

Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their

husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no

woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty

towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on

her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah,

1853; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah

To maintain her husband’s home

To maintain her husband’s honour and not talk about him in a way

that would anger him (keep his secrets and not to speak ill or

disrespect him in front of others)

To nurse his children

Rasulullah SAW said: "Does it not please you [o women!] that when

you conceive from your husband while he is pleased with you then

that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a person

fasting in the path of Allah and spending the night in worship; then

when her labour pain commences the inhabitants of the earth and

the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for

her; when she delivers and breastfeeds her child then she will be

granted a reward for every gulp of milk; and if she had to remain

awake during the night for the sake of her child she will receive the

reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O

Salamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious,

upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands

and not ungrateful to them."

She is also responsible for being her husband’s support so that he is pleased with her:

The Prophet SAW said: “Any woman who dies while her

husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.” (At-

Tirmidhi)

As you can see each spouse has their own set of responsibilities. Happy

marriages start when each person is fully aware of and embraces the

responsibilities that Allah SWT has placed upon them.

Six – Right On the Money!

Financial problems are one of the biggest sources of stress in a

marriage. In fact, it is also one of the most common reasons for divorce.

In Islam, the burden of providing for the family rests entirely upon the

husband.

As we have already seen in the previous section, Allah SWT has made

men the protectors and maintainers of women. However the inability to

provide adequately is unfortunately a common problem - especially in

the West. Rising house prices, insurance, bills and taxes all mean that

people are struggling to survive on one income alone.

In fact it is quite common for many marriages to start off in debt. Much of

this can actually be attributed to the marriage itself. Cultural practices

sometimes dictate that weddings should be big and lavish, meaning that

the groom and sometimes the bride end up starting their life in debt.

Big weddings are not from the Sunnah. The Prophet SAW kept all of his

weddings very simple because there is far more blessing in it.

Unfortunately though, many people seem to forget this when they get

married. More often than not, it's a case of pleasing people - without any

consideration given to what will happen after the wedding period is over.

It's very common in the West for both spouses to be working. While this

may work in many marriages, it still places a lot of stress on the couple

who are overworked, tired, exhausted and rarely see each other. Even

when they do spend time together there is always that niggling feeling in

the back of your mind which doesn't seem to allow you to relax. This

creates tension which can result in irritability and eventually arguments.

Even worse, the stress is multiplied when children come along. Many

parents unfortunately are in the position of placing their children in care

just so they can continue to work and make ends meet.

So here are some money management tips for you to consider before

and after the marriage itself.

Keep the marriage simple-there is far more blessing in this!

o Think about this: do you really need to invite 1000 people?

Keep the guest list small and manageable

o Rather than having 20 dishes on the menu, stick to simple

food of no more than a few dishes

o Instead of splashing out on fancy cars, see if one of your

friends will lend you theirs for the day

o Sisters should keep their jewellery simple - if you can't afford

diamonds and gold, there are plenty of beautiful yet

inexpensive imitation sets available

o Also sisters, consider hiring a bridal outfit if at all possible

o In keeping with the Sunnah, the nikkah should actually be

extremely simple - just the immediate family and closest

friends in a mosque.

o The Walima is where you invite everyone, but brothers

beware! You really don't need to splash out thousands on a

venue! Make a budget and stick to it!

o See if family can help wherever they can. If you're choosing

to go on honeymoon, can family or friends gift it to you

instead? Are you able to go somewhere local rather than

somewhere exotic and expensive?

Okay so you made it through the marriage, but now you're stuck

for a house! What should you do?

o Check to see if there are any Islamic mortgage options

available

o An increasingly popular scheme is the rent to buy option.

Rather than paying the mortgage, you pay rent to your

landlord with payments actually buying shares in your house.

At the end of the rental agreement, you own the house

o Shop around for utility providers. Don’t just stick with

whoever is in your area. There are so many excellent deals

available, especially online. Buying dual fuel is cheaper and

those paying by direct debit will save money each year. If

you choose to go paperless, this will also save money

o Check your tax code! Seriously, there are so many couples

who are paying more tax than they should because they

have the wrong tax code

o Are you paying into a pension? Are you paying any payment

protection insurance? In reality, you don't need either, and if

you are paying these you could be entitled to a refund

So how do you manage your day-to-day finances?

o Use the envelope method to save for things that you really

want but don't need. So if you wanted to buy a table, you

would mark an envelope ‘table’. After paying all of your bills

and living expenses, place a small amount of money

(whatever you can afford) into the envelope until you have

saved enough

o Get rid of your store cards! These are usually interest-

bearing (which is haram anyway), and can cost you a

ridiculous amount of money

o A simple rule of thumb is only buy what you need, and if you

want something badly enough, don't buy it until you have

enough money to buy two of those things. This way you are

covered no matter what!

o An easy way to manage your finances is to sit down and

average out your monthly expenses. At the beginning of

each month, simply withdraw the total amount of your

expenses. This way you don't need to use your card for

anything, and you know that you only have that amount of

cash to use during that month

o Get into the habit of checking places like eBay, Craigslist,

Gumtree and anywhere else that sells things that people no

longer need. You'd be surprised what you can pick up as a

bargain!

o If you are really struggling consider charity shops to buy

children's toys. The truth is kids couldn't care less where the

toys came from, and will often outgrow, damage or even

break them. So why pay more than you should?

o We know many sisters and brothers who buy their clothes

from discount stores, ex-catalogue shops and charity shops

to save money

o Sign up to deal sites such as Groupon or the equivalent as

they often have excellent deals which can save you a lot of

money

o Holidays and day trips don't need to be expensive. Going to

the Local Park or local attractions and taking food from home

means still having a good time and saving money!

o Never argue or fight over money. If you're deeply in debt to

the bank, see if family will lend you the money to avoid

paying interest

o You can also take out super balance transfer cards which

allow you to transfer bad debts onto one single card with 0%

interest, 0% balance transfers for up to 2 years. We know

many couples who have transferred thousands of debt onto

a single card eliminating the interest, and making regular

payments each month until they have repaid the amount in

full

Seven: The Dreaded In-Laws!

The in-laws are a common source of grief for many couples. Warring

families, demanding mother-in-laws, competing daughter-in-laws,

cultural practices and silly traditions have ruined many a family.

Firstly brothers, understand that your wife is not obliged to live with your

family, nor should she be put in a difficult position of having to take care

of them. This is a cultural practice which has no basis in Islam. If you

have brothers in your home then it is compulsory for you to provide your

wife a home of her own so she does not have to do hijaab and can feel

free to be herself.

It's important to remember that the duty of caring for the mother-in-law is

not a requirement in Islam. The brothers should realise and understand

that if their wife does help them, it is out of benevolence to them and is a

reward for her. She should never be forced or made to feel guilty for not

looking after them. It is your duty and not your wife's to care for your

parents.

Secondly sisters, understand that for your husband, his family are very

important and should be respected at all times. If for whatever reason

you are living with them, live with them amicably. You should never be

forced to do something that you don't want to, but also understand that if

you are living within the family you will be expected to pull your weight.

Treat the home as if it were your own and not as if it's a Hotel.

Here are some quick tips to avoid problems with the in-laws:

Don't spill your secrets to your family! This is one of the worst

things you can do. If you have an argument with your spouse and

go and tell your family, then your family will hold a grudge against

your other half even when you have made up. Avoid this by never

speaking ill of your spouse

If you are living with in-laws and they are very demanding you

need to set very clear rules and boundaries with your spouse

beforehand. In fact, this should ideally be discussed before the

marriage takes place so that both parties are fully aware of what is

expected and what will not be tolerated

A woman's first and foremost duty is always to her husband and

her children. Brothers take note - your wife should not be running

around your parents at the expense of your children. If your

parents are old, consider hiring some help at home, as well as

helping out yourself

Sisters always try and be on good terms with your husband's

family, even if they are unkind to you. By respecting them, you are

respecting your husband. Don't ever badmouth his family to him,

as no man will tolerate anyone speaking ill about their family -

especially their mothers!

If you really cannot get on with the in-laws, it is better to live apart

and keep your contact polite and to the minimum. Sisters should

not prevent their husbands from going to visit their families or

cause unnecessary arguments about it

Brothers who have difficult in-laws – be polite and courteous at all

times and understand that your wife's family is very important to

her. They have raised her and she has been a part of their life until

you came along. You have to give respect to get it, so if you want

your wife to respect your family you must respect hers!

One of the best tips that we can share with you regarding in-laws

who like to stir trouble is this: If an incident has taken place, then

never ever tell your spouse what happened in private. Instead

speak to your spouse very respectfully in front of your in-laws so

they are aware of what you have said, and also your spouse will

be aware of what really happened. Many a relationship has turned

sour because things have been said or done in private and then

denied or misunderstood. By keeping your spouse in the loop at all

times, you avoid any problems going forward

Lastly, avoid large family gatherings when you know that they don't

get on. If you really must go, spend as little time as possible, don't

engage in any gossip and avoid any confrontation.

Conclusion

In this short report, we covered the seven key mistakes that every

married couple should avoid. Your main concern should always be trying

to understand your partner first and foremost. Every relationship no

matter how great, will hit a rough patch at some point or the other. Most

marriages fail when small things get out of hand and take place

consistently over prolonged periods of time.

The most important thing is that you keep your lines of communication

open and honest at all times. Although we've given you tips and tricks to

help you overcome all of these problems, sometimes, with the best will

in the world, it just isn't enough.

The truth of the matter is that every single relationship needs to be

nurtured with love and respect at all times in order to make it work. It's

important to understand a woman always needs love while a man

always needs respect. No relationship can survive if these things are

missing.

Ultimately though the test of a good relationship is how good it was to

start with. If you picked someone who is right for you and who shares

your same values and principles, then you are much more likely to have

a successful marriage.

If however you chose someone who was completely incompatible, then

unfortunately the likelihood is you will always struggle. The problem that

we have as an ummah is that we are not visionaries. We don’t think

ahead or long-term. Many parents in particular do not think of the long-

term benefits of choosing the right spouse or what effect this will have

upon their children.

In fact many a broken relationship has started with bad decisions made

on part of the family for their children, or indeed brothers or sisters who

made bad choices themselves. Shaytaan loves to destroy the family unit

because that's what holds the fabric of society together. Without this

stronghold, Shaytaan wins and society falls apart.

But when you choose the right spouse who is righteous and of sound

character, the long-term implications are amazing. A happy home is

much more likely to produce happy children who are strong in their Deen

and who can ultimately shape future generations.

As a final note, we would suggest to you that if you are not already

married and are looking for the right person, then the best thing for you

is to ensure that you choose someone strong upon the deen and who is

very much compatible with you.

It's hard in this fast-paced modern world to find the right person.

However, Allah SWT helps all of those who are sincere in their efforts to

keep away from all that is haram and stick to halal.

If you're still struggling to find a practising one, then consider registering

on a matrimonial website to help you find a good spouse. Please see the

recommendations on the next page.

We wish you all the best and make sincere dua that Allah SWT makes it

easy for you to find the right person and have a happy and successful

marriage in this life and the next – ameen.

Jazakallah Khairan

Pure Matrimony

www.PureMatrimony.com

Recommendations for Helping You to Find the

Right Spouse!

In this short report, you learnt the top ten mistakes people commonly

make in their marriage and how to avoid them. We also mentioned that

the majority of mistakes could be avoided in the first place by marrying

the right person to begin with!

As the world’s largest matrimonial website exclusively for practising

Muslims, Pure Matrimony is for those who consider deen to be their

most important criteria when finding a spouse.

Some of our unique features include:

Private profiles - Communication is encouraged based on Islamic

values, personality and character rather than looks, therefore

preventing those who like to ‘window shop’

Wali Support - Your wali can be included in all correspondence

with other members in real time, so they are fully involved in the

process if you want them to be

Enhanced Profile Moderation - Every profile is carefully checked

to stop time wasters and those looking for ‘fun’ or dating

Every Discussion Is Monitored and moderated to ensure the

safety of our members

Shariah compliant - Endorsed by some of the largest Dawah

organisations and most respected Sheikhs in the West

Measurable Success - On average, three couples a week find

their Pure Match

Regular webinars and education is provided to our community

on many marital and pre-marital issues – because we want you to

prosper in this life and the next!

Register today and see if you can find your Pure Match at:

www.PureMatrimony.com

Pure Matrimony – Where Practice Makes Perfect!

www.purematrimony.com

“Women of purity are for men of purity, and

men of purity are for women of purity”

[Al Nur, 24:26]