FEEL IT BIG ON THE INSIDE: EXPRESS IT SMALLER WHEN IN PUBLIC

Thinking about what people think about you

We think about each other- People remember when you make them

feel comfortable and uncomfortable- Which do you think they are more likely

to remember?** More likely to remember when

someone made us feel upset- We are most likely having uncomfortable or weird thoughts

What do you remember about Buddy from the movie ELF?

Remember most of the funny things he did that made us have weird or uncomfortable thoughts

http://safeshare.tv/w/bMAcAeTxje Dinner Scene

What are they thinking of Buddy?

How does his brother treat him at first?

How people feel about us affects how they treat us

What he does How others FEEL about what he does

Consequences based on how others feel

How does he feel about how he was treated

How people feel about us affects how they treat us

What he does

How others FEEL about what he does

Consequences based on how others feel

How does he feel about how he was treated

Decorations,Syrup, Burping

Brother feels uncomfortable, has weird thoughts

Brother ignores him after school, tries to get away from Buddy

Buddy keeps trying to get him to hang out, doesn’t understand why he wants to get away from him

We typically treat people….

Okay/well when we have good thoughts about them

More likely to treat someone badly when we have uncomfortable thoughts about them

Same goes for other people:- Likely they will treat you the best when they

have good thoughts about you - Likely they will treat you the worst when they

have weird or uncomfortable thoughts about you

Uncomfortable thoughts

In Elf, when does the brother start treating Buddy better?

http://safeshare.tv/w/FYjyDnwfSG After school scene

After the snowball fight- he has good thoughts about Buddy helping him

As a result, he starts treating Buddy better

What he does

How others FEEL about what he does

Consequences based on how others feel

How does he feel about how he was treated

In Elf, when does the brother start treating Buddy better?

What he does

How others FEEL about what he does

Consequences based on how others feel

How does he feel about how he was treated

Helps out his brother with kids throwing snowballs at him

Brother has good thoughts; feels happy to have Buddy around

Hangs out with him, gets Christmas tree, they have fun

Buddy is happy to be hanging out with his brother

Read Comic & Complete Worksheet- JT’s problem

What did he do(expected/unexpected)

How others FEEL about his behavior

CONSEQUENCES based on how others feel

How does she FEEL about how she was treated

What’s the problem here?

What are things that we FEEL BIG?

Size of the Problem

Important to figure out how big a problem really is, because if you over-react to any size of problem, others can feel awkward, uncomfortable, or just plain annoyed

How much emotion should you let fly out when you’re really upset and how much is supposed to stay in?

How much emotion we show depends on:

1. Size of the problem2. Our age- When a 4 year old throws a tantrum in a

store about not getting a toy, what do we think?

- When a 13 year old throws a tantrum in a store about not getting a video game they want, what do we think?

As we get older, we are supposed to get better at controlling how we express our emotions especially when out in public, like at school!

It’s okay to be upset or excited, but it’s how you handle it that can make others feel good or uncomfortable Kyle is really, really

mad- others around him feel okay if he shows he is a little irritated.

If Kyle starts yelling or pushing people- others will feel uncomfortable, which creates another problem

It’s okay to be upset or excited, but it’s how you handle it that can make others feel good or uncomfortable

Example: Sara thinks something is hilarious in

class, her best bet is to smile or laugh If Sara goes into a crazy laughing fit,

where she is loud and laughs for a long time- people will be uncomfortable or annoyed

http://safeshare.tv/w/vzzCkjeXMN Sheldon laughing hard

How did Sheldon make others feel?

What did he do(expected/unexpected)

How others FEEL about his behavior

CONSEQUENCES based on how others feel

How does he FEEL about how he was treated

Laugh too much

Confused

Irritated

Annoyed

Might ask him to move his table

Lonely, confused, disappointed, sad

Feel it Big on the Inside- Express is Smaller when in Public (FBI-ESP)

May feel big emotions on the inside but keep the size of your expression smaller on the outside

What do we do to help us express it smaller?

- Take deep breaths- Think about others (they will have

uncomfortable thoughts if we over-react)

- If home, go to your room for privacy; If at school, ask for a break

- ______________________

Feel it Big, Express it Small Watch clips and determine if the person

felt it big but expressed it small

http://safeshare.tv/w/GgNBerkIxP WWC What could Sheldon have done to

express it small?

What did he do(expected/unexpected)

How others FEEL about his behavior

CONSEQUENCES based on how others feel

How does he FEEL about how she was treated

Called the police

Confused

Stressed outembarassed

Cant help you

People wont believe him

Upset

Feel it Big, Express it Small

http://safeshare.tv/w/AhdLPqtcQA Video Games

Did Sheldon express it small this time?

Is it appropriate to call the police if your apartment gets broken into?

- Yes, the reaction matches the size of the problem

Can anyone think about a time….

More on Public vs. Private

Why don’t we want to act on how we feel?

Big reactions make others (teachers, peers) upset too, which creates more problems

- Teacher gets frazzled, concerned, or angry- Students get frustrated, embarrassed or

irritated at the person

There are usually consequences for over-reacting

- Nagged by a parent or teacher- Peers have weird thoughts- Might not want to be friends with you - Suspension/ Detention

What are the consequences for Expressing it Small in Public?

People have good thoughts about you

Class is able to go on with what they were doing

You might earn superstars on your point sheet

Peers might want to be friends with you

Social Behavior Map

What the person DOES

How others FEEL about their behaviors

CONSEQUENCES based on how person feels

How does person FEEL about how he/she was treated

Complete worksheet

Write or draw how you would feel and how you would react to express it small

FBI-ESP

Thinking and Saying are Two Different Things

Brain Filters

Clips- Does Sheldon use his brain filter?

To Speak or Not to Speak worksheet

Clips

TBBT- does sheldon use his brain filter?- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2hIIv

F5gJI- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YszY

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• TTBT- use of sarcasm to social fake - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJp2X

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