IsEREPORT

P . O . B o x 2 2 1 1 3 ,OFTEN Iff ERROR - NEVER IN DOUBTN c A 9 4 1 2 2

February, L98 Happy Valent iners Day!

THE NEW FRONTIER OF IN8UBSIA}{TIALITySTIFFAIIY. RICK ASTIJEY AND THE UNBEARABIJE IJIGHTIIESS OF DEBBIE GIBSON

Used to be you could scratch the surface of pop music and find anotherleve1 of superf icial i ty underneath. But say goodbye to the weightlessnessof Whitesnake and Taylor Dayne because the days of complex pop vacuity arecoming to an end. Instead, a New Frontier of Insubstantial i ty has beenachieved - one whose irnplications are so shallow as to be cosmological andwhose ult imate impact wil l be more far-reaching than the acts of worldgovernments or poli t ical leaders.Shades of Mike Curb! The music business has selectively opened the doors toarrnewrr generation of Rainbow Brite performers - adroit professionals with acosmetic proficiency whose mission is sinple - to brainwash the babies ofbaby-boomers - those 18-21- year olds with emerging political and economicpower.The most visible conspirator behind this effort is Dan rfBabyBacked by a powerful pack of bi-coastal Bush-Ieaguers and

Boomrr Quayle.pulated by

Continued on Page 3

FROM th6 Ed.itorSWIUSUIT 8PECfAIJ - A rash of skin problems,bikini l ine manifestations and airbrushingbreakdowns has played havoc with the shootingschedule for the A&R Report Swimsuit edit ion.Despite this delay, rThe Making of the A&RReport Swimsuit Calendarrr wil l st i l l appearApril Lst, complete with a sneak peek lL our ewith l letr Mail lot soon to be avaitlbte through our Special products Dept.And speaking of Special Products, many readers have inquired about thosebootleg A&R conned-Spiracy Charts presently circulating through east coastmedia off ices. We know now tney gol out anl werve put i stop to the leak.FIp"g! the genuine article in the forthcorning, t'neyond rne ttew privacy, rlthe bit ing, st inging, eagerly awaited collection oi incisive A&R essays.OH, THE SHARKEY BITES . . o - Put on those Ray-bans because the wait

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over. werve f inarry init iated a regurar colunn aetair ing theconings-and-goings of everybodyrs iavorite Hollywood hi€nan, Ray Sharkey.check out tt8harkeyrs cornerrr on Page 3 and if yourve got a i iari t for thecolumn, send it to us and get a nuif back - Thatrs r ignt a one DollarRay-Bate! T i l r next ish! - ed.

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his Stepford Wife, Mari lyn, Quayle is the f inal step in a youth co-optionprogram which wil l end with a fr ightening right-wing "WiId in the Streetsrlscenar io .The origins of this music biz plot began with the PMRC - a r ight-wingdebacle that mistakenly sought to quash objectionable youth music throughIegislation. But after i ts self-destruction, a revisionist approachevolved. Af ter a l l , why t ry to s top object ionable rock when i t ts eas ier todi lute i t . Poli t ical connections were put into play and a collusivemachination succeeded in providing alternative voices to a gteneration onthe verge of serious pair-bonding and procreation - voices ofaccountabi l i ty l ike T i f f , R ick Ast ley, Debbie Gibson, New ndi t ion and DJJ a z z y J e f f .The sawy reta i l ing of these new voices, par t icu lar ly T i f fany 's Mal l -Ern-Al ltour success has established what r ight-wing rnedia analysts theorized inthe la te-7Ots - the more redundant ly s inp l i f ied and farn i l iar a candidate(or pop star) , the more marketable. Hence, Mar i lyn Quaylets h idden agendato rrpurifyrt youthful minds is successful ly proceeding on two intersectingf ronts resul t ing (somet ime in the 1990ts) wi th the establ ishment of anempty empire - a shell--I ike government endorsed, underwritten andsanctioned by the new youth and run by a vapid Hoosierif ic puppetpres ident .Within the next decade, the musically, morally and sexually conservativechildren of the love generation wiII be dragged beyond pop musicrs sinplemeaninglessness into a more enignatic void of rneaninglessness one fromwhich there wil l be no retreat. So, i f todays pop pablum seems passive, 9etready for Rick and Debrs progeny - a generation of performers who wil l pushus into an era of such al l-encompassing null i ty that even DeBarge, and the

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ieamine with characte., f.o- |

I wat ornEy's-magic-Kingdorn on I

I IceareactorRaySharkeyandL.A. 1I Raiders player Mike Haynes, who '

I will have a skating clinic for Special I

1 Olympics Children at the Los An- ;

! geles Sports Arena.f - � - -

UKIAH - Bruce Anderson ig'haking hard time look so easy that

. ,!r.rs jailers will be happy to see him[9ave.

pa gi t l -. t t. Bu*e Mrray, who's in

gharge of the jail, saidhis .rtrbritirn-mate is indeed a problem because9r th9 media attention he draws,,but n'Mr. Anderson is a good in_

ffte, so we're just going toioll with

comeback was propelledlast season by a ferociousperformance as Wiseeuyvillain Sonny Steelgrave,has taken on "the ultimategangster role," Al Capone,for an NBC movie to air inMarch. Ironical ly, says

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il3lf;ii,'#il?"'i"1"'?fii capone in an NBC movie II likely coincide with a onetimeflly return of his mobster' character to cBS' Wif€,euy.Wisrvgtty. I

l haunt Vinnie (Ken Wahl) in a half-hourI Sonny returns to haunt Vinnie (Ken Wahl) in a half-hourI nignmare sequence on an episode set in a mental institu' II tion.|

--fnis spring Sharkey heads to New York to play a charac- |

I ter on the right side of the law: a hero in an ABC series II fased on Iawrence Sanders'TheTimothy Fites novel. I- - - - - - - - -

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rrlle Sees Both Sides Nowrl

Dear AtR:

Every time I get into adiscussion with sornebody , Tcanr t seem to have a point o fview. I always see both sidesof an argument. L ike i fsomebody says that Ratt isnrtreally a heavy metal band, Ican go both !"ays because in away they arenr t a r rc lass icr rheavy metal sounding group, butin another way, they are veryheavy metal. If sornebody saysthat Dustin Hoffman is a greatactor, I can agree and not agreebecause sometimes he acts l ikea great actor would act but thenother t imes, he always seems tobe acting l ike the characterfrom |tMidnight Cowboytt. Peoplesay I arn ambivalent and wishy-washy. On the one hand I canagree with that because of nyproblen. But on the other hand,I donrt feel that waypersonal ly . Whatrs wronq wi thme? Lost in Scranton.

Dear L,ost: Therets nothing wrongwith you. Many famouspolit icians and lawyers haveshared the same feelings andbecome very successful in theirfields. Remember, a consistentlyindecisive person is alwayseither r ight or wrong. Adecisive person could be wrongall the t ime. Good luck anddisregard this advice if youdonr t ag ree .

rrghe Ilftes Bar Codesll

Dear A&R:

Maybe Irm too paranoid but Ialways cut off the bar codesfrom any product that I buy.

t&RREPoRT

Someone once told me, or maybeI had a dream, that these thingsare inter-active and thatmanufacturers can use thern totransmit messages. Even ifthatrs not true, they couldcontain some kind of recordingdevice which could be retrievedIater. How else could thesecompanies keep such close trackon what people buy? My familythinks Irm nutty for cutt ing offthese bar codes. I burn themin the f ireplace when I rm done.If these things do containtransmitters, does burning thempol lu te the a i r? I canr t getover my hang-up? Or are theyreally hang-ups? What, I s hrrongw i t h m e ? 8 . C . 1Vancouver, B.C.

D e a r B . C . :

Bri t ish

Therers nothing wrong with you.Bar codes probably can transmitinformation and even if theycan I t, sornebody will get theidea from your letter and startusing them for that purpose.Donrt worry about your fani ly.They donrt understand. Insteadof burning them, why not mailthern to foreign addresses asthat will seriously effect theirtransmitt ing powers. Take care.

TAATIg WRONG WITH YOU?

If you fee l l ike someth ingtswrong with you, send us yourIetters and werl l keep them instr ictest confidence (unlesstheytre so r idiculous we haveto show them to a few friendsfor some laughs) . Mai l to A&R,P . O . Box22LL3 , Sunse t S ta t i on ,San Francisco CA 941-22.

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