faith shift by kathy escobar (first look)
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Praise for
Faith Shift
I cant count the times people have come to me saying their faith is
falling apart and they have nobody safe to go to for help. I wish I
could send them all to spend a few days with Kathy Escobar, a wise
pastoral presence who understands, accepts, and works with people
wherever they are. Short of that, now I can send them to Kathys
powerful, practical, honest, sensitive, and intelligent new book. Itsjust what so many of us have needed and couldnt find. Im so glad its
now available.
Brian D. McLaren, author, speaker, and activist
With this immensely practical book, Kathy Escobar serves as both a
friend and a guide, offering help and healing to those traveling thefrightening road from certainty, through doubt, to faith. Faith Shiftis
a must-read for every doubter, misfit, or dreamer who has ever felt
alone in the church. Ive been waiting for a book just like this one for
years and am so grateful to have finally found it. I simply cannot rec-
ommend it enough.
Rachel Held Evans,author of Faith Unraveled
andA Year of Biblical Womanhood
Kathy Escobar is the best and wisest of guides for those who find that
their faith simply doesnt fit anymore. She is the real dealcompas-
sionate, truth-telling, prophetic, challenging. This powerful and prac-
tical book will bind up the wounds and heal the broken hearts of
religion. Kathy is a voice that I listen to closely in my own journey. She
is the spiritual director for the disenchanted and the disenfranchised of
our time.
Sarah Bessey, author ofJesus Feminist
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Kathy Escobar eloquently and wisely voices what so many of us have
experienced, that the faith we embraced in our early years is a poor
companion in our later years. Faith Shifthelps us take the all-impor-tant next step: authentic intimacy with the Divine without surrender-
ing our minds. If your faith needs to shift, read this book!
Philip Gulley, author of Living the Quaker Wayand
If the Church Were Christian
Reading Faith Shiftwas like being with an understanding friend whogets me. With wisdom and grace, Kathy Escobar affirms the growing
tribe of faith shifters who have left church, scarred and unraveled. She
makes no attempt to woo strays back into the fold, but instead pro-
vides hard-won wisdom for the formerly churched. Faith Shift is a
life-giving guide for me and my kind.
Pam Hogeweide
, blogger, and author of Unladylike:Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church
Kathy Escobar is the perfect guide for navigating the disturbed waters
of shifting faith. I cant think of a better person to have as a pastor from
afar. Her language of faith shift provides a helpful framework for un-
derstanding the states and stages that can be so disorienting and dis-
heartening. Faith Shift shows the way forward to emerge from the
rubble of shaken belief.
Steve Knight, co-founder of TransFORM Network
Kathy Escobar is an explorer of new faith territories. If youre worried
that you might be losing your faith and dont know where to go, follow
Kathy. Shes already been there and back and can save you lots of pain
and time.
Jim Henderson, producer of Wheres God Whenand author ofJim and Casper Go to Church
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Thank God for Kathy Escobar! While others wring their hands,
point fingers, and theorize, Kathy can be found where she loves to
spend her timein the trenches with those who sincerely struggle. InFaith Shift,Kathy offers a powerful resource for those in the throes of
their own faith revolution. This users guide is a true life saver.
Phyllis Mathis,licensed professional counselor and
co-creator of Walking Wounded: Hope for Those Hurt
By Church,an online resource for faith shifters
For those of us whose faith has been ripped from its moorings by life
experience and wrenching questions, we cant go back. As Kathy
Escobar points out, we may trybut at great cost to our souls. Faith
Shiftis the surest, wisest, and most compassionate guidebook Ive seen
for traveling forward into a liberating way of faithful life.
Scott Dewey
, co-director of Street Psalms and co-authorofMeal from Below: A Five-Course Feast with Jesus
In an age when thousands of Christians are experiencing a shift from
certainty into spiritual wilderness, Pastor Kathy Escobar brings warm
and wise insight to that often confusing and lonely journey. Her astute
observations will help faith shifters know they are not alone and that
hope, freedom, and renewed passion call from the other side.
Ellen Haroutunian,psychotherapist, spiritual director and
urban pastor, and contributor toA New Kind of Conversation
Faith Shiftgives the reader needed language to describe the rhythms
and processes that many have lived and even more have observed. As
the church has shifted, so have her people. Shame is dispelled as decon-
struction is explained step by step, and we realize that shifting away
from church as we know it does not mean leaving God behind.
Dr. Deborah Koehn Loyd,coach, educator, and author
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shiftfaith
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CONVERGENTB O O K S
shift
kathy escobar
Finding your way forward when
everything you believe is coming apart
faith
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Faith Shift
Published by Convergent Books
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996,
2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188.
All rights reserved.
Details and names in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of
the persons involved.
Trade Paperback ISBN 978-1-60142-543-0
eBook ISBN 978-1-60142-544-7
Copyright 2014 by Kathy EscobarIllustrations 2012 by Kathy Escobar
The poem in chapter 10 based on Ezekiel 37 is reprinted with permission of the author, Cheryl
Lawrie, Uniting Church in Australia, www.holdthisspace.org.au.
Cover design by Mark D. Ford
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information
storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States by Convergent Books, an imprint of the Crown PublishingGroup, a division of Random House LLC, New York, a Penguin Random House Company.
Convergent Booksand its open book colophon are registered trademarks of Random
House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Escobar, Kathy.
Faith shift : finding your way forward when everything you believe is coming apart / Kathy
Escobar.First Edition.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60142-543-0ISBN 978-1-60142-544-7 (electronic) 1. Faith development.
2. Spiritual formation. I. Title.
BT771.3.E83 2014
248.8'6dc23
2014022406
Printed in the United States of America
2014First Edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Special Sales
Most Convergent books are available at special quantity discounts when purchased in
bulk by corporations, organizations, and special-interest groups. Custom imprinting or
excerpting can also be done to fit special needs. For information, please e-mail Special
[email protected] or call 1-800-603-7051.
Excerpted from Faith Shift by Kathy Escobar Copyright 2014 by Kathy Escobar. Excerpted
by permission of Convergent Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.
No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the
publisher.
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For Jose, Josh, Julia, Jamison, Jonas,and Jared and the Refuge:
my beautiful family and wild faith community,
you all make me laugh, help me love,
and teach me more than I ever bargained for.
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Contents
1
Youre Not Crazy, and Youre Not Alone 1
2Less Religion, More Freedom 9
3
Saved into Certainty (The Stage of Fusing) 23
4
When the Foundation Cracks (The Stage of Shifting) 37
5
Turning Back Toward Safety (The Stage of Returning) 53
6
When It All Comes Apart (The Stage of Unraveling) 64
7Soul Care for Unravelers 82
8
Its a Lot to Lose 96
9
Cutting Ties (The Stage of Severing) 112
10
Against All Odds, New Life Springs Up
(The Stage of Rebuilding) 126
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xii Contents
11
Go Looking for What Remains 138
12
Finding What Works 148
13
Honoring the Good in What Was 165
14
Becoming More Alive 178
15
Practicing Resurrection 189
16
Trust the Path Ahead 200
Faith Shifts and Your Family and Friends 205
Other Resources for Faith Shifters 213
Acknowledgments 219
Notes 221
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1
Youre Not Crazy,
and Youre Not Alone
Im not sure what I believe about Jesus anymore, and it scares me. A
friend whispered this in a corner of my kitchen while grownups and
kids whirled around us, eating and laughing during a weekly potluck at
our house. A once deeply dedicated evangelical Christian, Jessica looked
at me with watery, pleading eyes, and I knew how much courage it took
to say those words. She added, Im not sure how much longer I can
keep some of these thoughts to myself without feeling crazy.
I whispered back, The crazy part isnt the questions. Its the guilt
and fear we feel for asking them! Her countenance lightened a little,
but I knew the theological doubts she was wrestling with were consid-
ered taboo in the circles she traveled.
I went to my old Bible study last week to see everyone and, hon-
estly, I thought I was going to scream. They all sounded so certain, and
what they were talking about didnt make sense to me anymore. Jes-
sica was still whispering. She took a breath. Then I started to get mad
at myself for not thinking through some of these questions before.
We find good things at church that we dont necessarily get anywhere
else in our lives: community, consistency, certainty, affiliation, a place
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2 FAITH SHIFT
to grow in our faith. The satisfaction may last for years, even forever.
Like Jessica, though, at some point many of us begin to experiencedoubts about ideas and traditions we have embraced for years. When
those rumblings come, we can feel alone, scared, and confused. I un-
derstand those feelings. Ive been there too.
In Jessicas pain and sincerity, I heard myself eight years earlier
when I started to ask questions. I sensed her concern that maybe even
the Refuge, the faith community I co-pastor, might not be safe enoughfor her doubts. What would that mean for her?
I didnt waste time trying to convince her that everything was
going to be okay, even though I knew it would. I didnt try to sell the
Refuge as a place that could hold her evolving faith, even though I
believed it could. I didnt try to tell her God was far bigger than the
boxes we were taught he lived in, even though I wanted to tell her storyafter story of people who were discovering freedom they had never
known before in their faith. The best I could do in that moment was
tell her what I always say when someones faith starts to unravel:
Youre not crazy, and youre not alone.
Jessica is part of a growing trend:
One million churchgoers will leave their church this year,
and this number is continuing to rise.1
23 percent of young adults are leaving church due to
significant intellectual doubts about their faith.2
The fastest-growing religious group in the U.S. is the
category of people who say they have no religious affiliation.
Sometimes called the nones by social scientists, their
numbers have more than doubled since 1990. Current
surveys indicate they make up 16 percent of all Americans.
(Many of those who have given up on organized religion,
however, have not given up on faith.)3
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Youre Not Crazy, and Youre Not Alone 3
These stats are consistent with what has happened in my own life
and in the lives of many others I knowmaybe even in yours. Life-long friends who were once devoted to their churches, immersed in
Christian spirituality and proud of their faith, have left organized reli-
gion. Some no longer want to be associated with Christianity. I know
missionaries who are questioning their motives and methods, and for-
mer church and ministry leaders who are finding new life in the secu-
lar world. Numerous others are still going through the motions ofchurch but know deep inside that something has radically changed in
their hearts. And these are just my close friends. Throw in the stories I
hear week after week on my blog and in my work as a spiritual director
and pastor in Denver, and the list gets much longer.
These people are experiencing a radical shift in their faith. And its
not only in evangelical Christianity, which is the tradition I comefrom and where most of my experience lies. I hear similar stories from
Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, and other mainline denomina-
tions, as well as Catholics and Mormons. After years of participating
in a comfortable and comforting tradition, countless believers have
begun a slow drift or experienced a dramatic event that lands them in
a spiritual wilderness.
SYMPTOMS OF A FAITH SHIFT
See if any of these statements describe you:
I havent picked up my Bible in a long time and dont have
any desire to.
I dont even know how to articulate where I am spiritually
these days.
I have experienced a significant shift in my theology or faith
perspective and find myself feeling disoriented and unsure.
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4 FAITH SHIFT
I have a strong negative reaction to words, phrases, Bible
passages, and worship songs that used to bring me comfortand peace.
I find myself swearing more than I ever have in my life.
I feel sad, angry, afraid, and lost after a painful church
experience.
I have lost friends and significant relationships because
of my shifting faith. I secretly worry that God is angry and disappointed
with me.
I feel betrayed or abandoned by God.
Im afraid Im on a spiritual slippery slope and have no
idea if Ill survive the landing.
I sometimes wonder if God exists at all. I have lost respect for my pastors and leaders and no longer
trust their leadership or authority.
I feel bored and tired every time I go to church.
Ive stopped going to church altogether because I couldnt
take it anymore.
I feel scared that if I share some of these doubts and con-
cerns out loud, I will be judged, scripturized, or ostracized.
I feel stifled, limited, and unvalued in my gifts and passions.
I worry that if I disconnect from church, my kids will miss
out on developing their faith, so I keep going for them.
When I am around Christians, I have no desire to be like
them or to be associated with them anymore.
I see more hope, love, equality, and dignity in the secular
world than I do in Christian circles.
Since leaving church, I feel so much better.
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Youre Not Crazy, and Youre Not Alone 5
If you relate to some of these, this book is for you. In the pages
ahead, well wrestle with questions youve probably also asked: Whathappens when all we once believed begins to become less solid and
secure? When we sense that what weve been doing is not what Jesus
had in mind for his followers? When we have years of head knowledge
but our hearts feel empty and dead? When our tried-and-true meth-
ods of connecting with God stop working? When were disillusioned
with church and dont know where to turn? When our faith is shiftingand it feels like were in a free fall?
What happens, in other words, when the certainty is gone and all
that remains are questions and doubts?
FALLOUT FROM A FAITH SHIFT
When once-faithful followers begin disturbing the status quo instead
of honoring their spiritual evolution, theyre often labeled as rebellious,
divisive, and even heretical. We attend church less often or leave church
altogether. Sometimes were asked to leave. The anger and guilt can
lead us to disconnect from God. Lost and without a map, many of us
end up on the fringes of all we once knewalone, disoriented, and
disillusioned.
We become outsiders.
Thats where this book comes in. I have a deep desire to help
people find hope and community in the midst of the wilderness and
learn to navigate the sometimes scary process of spiritual shifting and
transformation. Ill tell the stories of a diverse group of people who are
in the thick of their own faith shifts, share my own messy story, and
offer some names and descriptions for the different seasons of the faith
shifting process.
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6 FAITH SHIFT
This book is not a memoir, a textbook, a Seven Steps to Finding
God Again treatise, or a self-help book with guaranteed results tosqueeze out faith-challenging feelings and put you back into a spiri-
tual box. And rest assured, its not a covert tool aimed at getting you
to rededicate your life to Jesus. What it provides is an honest, hope-
ful framework for transformation and a path forward through your
own spiritual shift when everything you once believed is coming
apart.If you are skeptical of formulas or easy solutions to complicated
issues, good. If you are mistrustful of church leaders, believe me, I
understand. (Even though I am a pastor, I am not vested in keeping
the wheels of the institution spinning.)
My role in this process is not to provide easy answers (there are
none) or give advice (thats always irritating). Rather, Im here as a fa-cilitator, conversation starter, and storyteller as you navigate your own
unique faith shift. Hopefully by the last page you may think of me as
a companion from afar.
THE FAITH SHIFT MODEL
Most Christians are taught that faith is defined by an event: salvation.
After we get saved, we turn our energies to keeping faith, growing it,
spreading it. But life teaches us the limits of this view. We discover it
just isnt big enough to describe our experience as spiritual beings. Our
event doesnt cover things like change, evolving beliefs, shuffling of
worldviewsto say nothing of disillusionment with Christians, our
own painful life stories, and the ever-after promises that begin to feel
broken.
The truth is, growth and change are natural parts of our relation-
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Youre Not Crazy, and Youre Not Alone 7
ship with God. God invites us to be in motion, but often the faith
systems we are part of dont. Our changes can feel threatening to thosewho are used to our believing and behaving a particular way.
A faith shiftwhat often feels like a failure or an endcan actu-
ally be a doorway to something moresomething bigger and truer. In
fact, this process has been widely studied and named by professors and
sociologists.4 It is most helpfully understood as a series of stages or
seasons in our faith.With a nod to the research of others, I have created a flexible Faith
Shift model, based on my observations of the common series of stages
faith shifters seem to exhibit over time. Ive diagramed the faith jour-
ney stages as an evolving illustrationlike something I might draw on
a napkin if we were at a coffee shop or a pub together, talking about
our changing faith and sharing our stories. Although you may see itsomewhat differently or use alternative words or imagery, the point is
to give language to our shared but individual experiences and identify
the progression of a faith shift.
This book will bring these stages to life in accessible, ordinary
language. The outcome you can expect depends on your own experi-
ence, but fellow faith shifters have described life beyond an unraveled
faith as authentic, grounded, open, true-to-experience, healing, free.
I want you to know its possible to survive a shifting faith and find
life, hope, and freedom on the other side. Survival looks different for
each of us, but we can indeed find our way. We can lose old beliefs
without losing God. We can escape all we have once known and still
enjoy a deep faith if we want one. We can shed theologies and emerge
with new passion and purpose.
We can find our way forward when everything we believe is com-
ing apart.
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