facesofradio_draft3.5

FACES OF RADIO

"Pilot"

written by

Adam Boyer

[email protected] DRAFT 3.52505 NW 85th StreetSeattle, WA 98117 03/17/2015

COLD OPEN

INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY

DANIEL WINTERS(40s, suit unbuttoned), sits in his E-Z CHAIR with a beer in his hand, looking at someone off screen.

DANIELSo it’s like radio... but on the internet?

Across him is ALEX WINTERS(26, cute in a band geek sorta way), bubbling with frazzled excitement.

ALEXYes! Exactly.

DANIELSo it’s like Satellite Radio?

ALEXNo. Not at all.

DANIELPeople listen to this?

ALEXMost shows have pretty small fan bases, but if a show is a hit it can be listened to by hundreds of thousands or even millions of people!

DANIELAnd people make money doing this?

ALEXNot even a little.

DANIELBut they’re free to make then?

ALEXWell, not entirely. There’s startup costs, equipment, server rentals-

DANIELSo you’d be actively losing money?

ALEX(excited)

Yes!

DANIELWhy do you want to do this again?

ALEXTo express myself, to create, to do something with my life. People have done some amazing stuff with podcasts, Dad. These shows have changed peoples lives. One show even helped get an innocent guy get out of prison!

DANIELLawyers also do that. They get paid for it.

ALEXIt’s not about the money.

DANIELAh, so that’s why you’re back home on a Friday night instead of out with friends. Because it’s not about money.

ALEXIt’s Seattle, no one is ever out with friends. Everyone just says “we should hang out sometime” then spends their nights alone. Also, it’s not like I only come home to ask for money.

DANIELSo you don’t need money?

ALEXWell... Not a lot.

Daniel walks to the fridge. Alex hovers around him.

ALEX (CONT’D)I already have most of the equipment. Cody was able to use his employee discount to get the mics for a really good price, and I already bought the servers for the first six months... All I would need is a little extra to buy the mixer. It’s a one time thing, I promise.

Daniel grabs another beer and leans on the kitchen counter. He takes a sip. Thinks.

2.

DANIELYou remember when you were ten years old and the only thing you wanted in the world was a pair of figure skates?You know how many times we actually went to a rink? Twice. You got bored of skating, then before you knew it you had outgrown them. You now where those skates are now? The crawl-space.

ALEXI was never cut out for skating. ‘Had ankles like warm Charleston Chews...

DANIELAnd you remember when you were twelve and you just “had to have” that sewing machine? Said you were going to make a whole new wardrobe. Instead, you made half a tablecloth, got bored, and wouldn’t you know where that sewing machine is now? The crawl-space.

ALEXIt looked so much easier when Michelle Pfieffer did it.

DANIELAnd then there was the bird. Grey Macaw. Had to be that breed, you said. It was all you could talk about for a year. Your mom and I had to drive to a whole other state to get it. Even though I thought the thing was loud as hell and smelt awful, we wanted to make you happy. Know where that bird is now?

ALEXThe crawl-space?

DANIELNo. It’s dead. Because you got bored after a few months and forgot to feed it. Do you see the pattern here?

ALEX(remembering)

Poor Icarus...

Alex looks at the ground, crossing her heart out of respect.

3.

DANIELMy point is, Alex, you have a tendency to get really focussed on one thing, spend a lot of time and a lot of money on it but then quickly get tired or frustrated and move on to something else.

Daniel walks back towards the living room. Alex blocks him.

ALEXBut that was when I was a kid. Things have changed, I’ve matured. I mean, I graduated college didn’t I? It took six and a half years, but I did it!

DANIELAnd you majored in what, again?

ALEX(embarassed)

I doubled in Business and Theatre with minors in Psychology, Sociology, Education, and Art History.

(proud)The dean said they had to use a brand new font just to get everything to fit on the diploma.

Daniel pushes forward, intent on getting back to his chair.

ALEX (CONT’D)I know I’ve given up on a lot of stuff in the past, but I think this is something that I can really be good at, something that will stick. Thomas Edison made 68 different versions of the light bulb before finding one that worked. This could be my light bulb.

DANIELAlex, it’s a cute metaphor, but you’re not inventing something that’s going to change the world, you’re putting on a radio show with your friends.

ALEXIt’s an analogy, Dad. I’d know, I was this close from a minor in English.

Alex smiles at him. It’s that stupid daughter smile he can’t say no to. Daniel lets out a big SIGH.

4.

DANIELHow much is it? This mixer?

Daniel grabs his CHECKBOOK from a drawer and starts writing.

ALEXSix fifty?

Daniel looks up at her in disbelief.

ALEX (CONT’D)I can shop around.

DANIELYou’re gonna have to.

Daniel finishes signing the check. Alex gives him a big hug from behind. He shoves her off and hands her the check.

ALEXThank you so much, Dad! I love you.

DANIELYeah, yeah, I love you too. Just make sure you put my name in the credits.

ALEXI promise.

Alex kisses him on the cheek and heads down the hall.

DANIELOh hey, I forgot to ask, what’s your show going to be about?

ALEX(shouting back)

No idea!

END OF COLD OPEN

5.

ACT ONE

EXT. MAURICE’S APT - DAY

Alex parks in front of a shabby duplex. She gets out and walks to the door with CODY(17, dweeby) who struggles to carry a stack of AUDIO SUPPLIES, still in their boxes.

CODYWhy do we have to come all the way here? Can’t you record at your place?

ALEXI need to treat this podcast like a job, the show needs its own space. If I set everything up at my apartment, the equipment is just going to end up under my bed faster than a TaeBoe DVD.

Alex KNOCKS on the door.

ALEX (CONT’D)Also after next week my apartment might not technically be my apartment.

CODYAre you getting evicted or something?

ALEXLet’s not dwell on that now, the important thing is we get this first episode up and running.

Alex knocks again.

INT. MAURICE’S APT - DAY

Alex’s knock wakes up MAURICE SUMMERS(25, bearded, a mess). He look around at the piles of trash and beer cans. Maurice walks to the door and looks in the peephole.

MAURICEMother... puss-bucket. One second!

EXT. MAURICE’S APT - DAY

Alex and Cody wait outside. Alex KNOCKS again.

CODYWho is this guy?

ALEXMaurice. One of my old roommates from college. He’s cool, you’ll like him.

6.

CODYI don’t like anybody...

Alex eyes Cody. He’s serious. Alex takes a small step away. The door opens. Maurice squints in the sun.

MAURICEThe podcast thing. Right.

ALEXYou forgot, didn’t you.

MAURICENot at all, no... I just... forgot.

CODYAre you hungover?

ALEXThis is my step-brother Cody. He’s here to help set up.

MAURICENo, Cody, I’m not hungover.

CODYAre you sure? You look like my mom the day after she has too much Shiraz.

MAURICEI don’t get hangovers actually. I just feel a bit dehydrated... And nauseous... And more sensitive to light and sound...

ALEXMaurice? The garage?

Maurice grumbles and points his head in the direction.

INT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - DAY

Maurice opens the door, letting light fill the empty garage. Alex and Cody walk inside, inspecting it.

MAURICEHow long do you need it for?

ALEXJust for a couples hours today... and every Sunday for the next six months. At least.

7.

MAURICEYou’re really serious about this, aren’t you?

ALEXSerious as a Chris Nolan Batman movie.

MAURICEYou guys can set up over on the gaming station.

CODYYou mean the beer pong table?

MAURICEIt works for flip cup too... Coffee?

EXT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - DAY

Alex waits outside in the shade, jotting in a small notepad. Maurice enters with two cups of COFFEE.

MAURICEThis podcast. What’s it about?

ALEXNot sure. I’m trying to see if I can think of a title and work backwards. Best I’ve got so far is “Dread Air.”

MAURICESo it’d be about ghost stories?

ALEXOr a show about Jamaican hairstlying. I’m not 100 percent on that one.

MAURICEWho’s hosting?

ALEXWell, me. You... if you want.

MAURICEIs that a question?

ALEXIs that a yes?

MAURICEI’m not really the performer type, I’d like to help, but--

Maurice pulls out a TOBACCO PIPE and starts loading it.

8.

ALEXWhat the hell is that?

MAURICEMy pipe.

ALEXYou smoke a pipe now?

MAURICEYeah.

ALEXAre you training to be a long-shore fisherman? Or a snowman?

MAURICEI wanted to quit cigarettes, okay? Why is that weird?

ALEXBecause it’s a pipe. And it’s 2015. And you’re not a young Orson Welles.

MAURICEOh, if only...

ALEXThis isn’t about June, is it?

Maurice shakes his head and smokes his pipe.

MAURICEIt’s been three months, I’m allowed to try new things without it being a cry for help, okay? Not all of my behavior is dictated by my ex-girlfriend.

ALEXAnd the beard?

MAURICEThat may have been about her... I’m doing fine though, really. I’ve got the new place, I’ve been writing a lot. You’re the one who disappeared after graduation. Where’ve you been? Still at that internship?

ALEXNo. Word of advice, if someone says they’re a start-up, they’re probably just some people who know photoshop and want free maid service.

9.

MAURICEYou get a real job then?

ALEXHad one. Lost it.

MAURICESo what the hell are you doing now?

ALEXStarting a podcast?


Cody is finishing turning Maurice’s garage into a makeshift studio. Maurice taps out his pipe as he and Alex enter. Alex goes to check on Cody.

ALEXHey, how’s it coming along?

CODYAlmost done. I just need your laptop.

ALEXMy laptop?

CODYYou know that thing you use for facebook and watching videos of big animals befriending smaller animals? You brought it, right?

ALEXI...

CODYYou do know you need a computer to record audio?

ALEXI know.

CODYThe mixer doesn’t just shoot the files magically into the sky. The cloud isn’t a literal cloud. It’s-

ALEXCan you just drive to my place and pick up my laptop?

Cody sighs, then takes Alex’s keys.

10.

CODYReal professional enterprize you got going here...

Cody exits. Alex sits next to Maurice by the mics.

ALEX(go fuck yourself)

Love you!

MAURICEI bet Marc Maron never forgot his laptop... Then again you never had a coke problem in the eighties. I guess you guys are even.

ALEXMaurice, please co-host the show. You wouldn’t have to prepare anything, you’d just have to be yourself.

MAURICEWhy would anyone want to listen to me? I don’t even want to listen to me.

ALEXYou’re assuming people will listen in the first place. It’s a podcast. We’ll be lucky if we get Cody to download an episode. This could be a chance for you to finally put yourself out there and establish yourself as a writer.

(beat)I could also bring baked goods.

MAURICEI’m in.

ALEXI knew I could count on you!

Alex hugs Maurice.

MAURICEBut they better have butter in them. Bring any vegan crap and I walk.

ALEXWe should figure out a premise for the show while we’re waiting. She’ll be here any minute.

MAURICE“She?” Who else is coming?

11.

Alex winces and gets back up, avoiding eye contact with him.

ALEXThe other host.

MAURICEWho’s the other host?

ALEXDon’t hate me...

MAURICEThat’s like the worst way a person could start a sentence.

ALEXI need you to understand that I don’t have a lot of friends.

MAURICEOh, I’m keenly aware.

ALEXSo when I decided to do the show I knew I needed at two other people, but could only think of two people that would work who I know. You’re one, and-

MAURICENo.

ALEXYeah...

From behind Maurice a WOMAN enters frame. Maurice grits his teeth, turns to see JUNE HELLER(25, out of Maurice’s league).

MAURICEHey, June.

JUNEHey Maur. Good to see you. God, how long has it been?

MAURICE‘Bout three months.

END OF ACT ONE

12.

ACT TWO

EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY - FLASHBACK

Alex stands next to June under a blue pop-up tent. June is preoccupied staring at the assortment of snacks on the table.

JUNEYou want me to do what?

ALEXA podcast.

JUNENo, I get that, I mean, what do you want me to do on it? Do you want me to act in it? Is it like a radio play?

ALEXI haven’t exactly nailed down the concept yet. But I know is that you’d be great in it. We need you.

JUNEWe? Is there going to be another host?

ALEX(backpeddling)

I meant like the royal we. Just meet me Sunday at eleven. Just for an hour.

JUNEI don’t know, Sunday’s my only day off this week. I’m pretty swamped, which is ironic considering our state’s growing drought problem.

ALEXC’mon, we never get to hang out anymore. It’ll be fun-- Also, are you ever going to actually eat anything? Because watching you stand here and not eat is stressing me out.

JUNEIt’s not that bad. Sometimes I just like to look and pretend I’m at some weird strip club. Only the dancers are pretzels... And M&Ms...

ALEXOkay, now you’re just making me sad.Is this what it’s like being an actor?

13.

(MORE)

It doesn’t seem very satisfying. Those fun size Snickers, notwithstanding.

JUNEIt’s fine really, I mean, playing the dead girlfriend isn’t the most challenging work, but I’m getting paid, and the director only implied I lose weight this time.

A PA enters.

PAJune? They’re ready for you.

JUNEThanks, I’ll just be a second.

June takes a last longing glance at the crafty table. Alex grabs two muffins. Keeps one and forces the other on June.

ALEXSeriously, just eat something, you’re bumming me out, dude.

JUNEOkay.

ALEXSunday?

JUNE(mouth full)

I’ll think about it.

INT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - DAY - PRESENT

June and Maurice stand across from each other. Alex senses the discomfort and tries to mediate.

ALEXThis won’t be an issue will it? You guys, working together?

JUNENot at all.

MAURICECan’t imagine why it would be.

Maurice’s clearly has issues with this situation. Alex picks up on this but pretends to be oblivious.

14.

ALEX (CONT'D)

ALEXBecause you guys dated for like a year and now aren’t? I mean, that would be a thing that could be awkward for some people. But luckily that’s not the case and we can get started.

Alex’s phone RINGS.

ALEX (CONT’D)It’s gonna be just like when we were roommates... But in a garage.

Alex steps out to take her call. Maurice and June look at each other in silence for a beat.

JUNESo... How’ve you been?

MAURICESuper. Just super. You?

JUNEI’ve been... super. Yeah. Super duper.

They stand for a beat of unpleasant silence.


Alex talks on the phone.

ALEXDid you find it?

CODY (O.C.)I don’t know how you find anything in this apartment, it’s nothing but empty pizza boxes and Criminal Minds DVDs.

ALEXJust look by my bed. Oh, and there should be half a muffin next to it, bring that too.

CODY (O.C.)Why do you still have the DVDs? Why don’t you just watch it on netflix?

ALEXI like the special features, okay?!


June and Maurice wait, each unsure how to move.

15.

JUNEI like the beard.

MAURICEThanks, I quit shaving to see what would happen. It’s less a beard than it is a science experiment on my face.

JUNEAre you going to be alright with this?

MAURICEDon’t really have a choice. We’re here, right? So you seeing anyone?

JUNENope. You?

MAURICENope.

JUNEI should go check on Alex.

MAURICEYeah.

June exits. Maurice sits down at one of the mics.

MAURICE (CONT’D)(in a deep broadcaster voice)

Good evening. I’m Timothy Brockvent. Tonight’s top story: Life is balls...

Maurice sighs and leans back in his chair, not able to even appreciate his silly newscaster voice.


Alex hangs up just as June walks out.

JUNEI can’t do this, Alex.

ALEXWhat are you talking about? Is this because of Maurice? He’ll be fine.

JUNEAre we talking about the same person? He can barely stand to look at me.

16.

ALEXIt’s radio, he doesn’t have to. He could be in the other room if you want, we’ll just get a longer cord.

JUNEI’m sorry, Alex.

June walks to her car, Alex follows after her.

ALEXYou can’t go. I need you for this.

JUNEWhy? You’re both funnier than me anyway. Why do you need me?

ALEXWe need three people. There’s balance that way. Besides, all the best podcasts have three hosts.

JUNEDo they? I’m pretty sure most are just one or two people.

ALEXSee? You apparently know more about this than I do. And there also might be baked goods...

Alex sees Cody pull into the driveway.

ALEX (CONT’D)It’s just one hour. I’ll make sure Maurice behaves. Can you just tolerate one hour of discomfort? For me?


Alex and Cody return followed by June. Cody goes to plug in the laptop. Maurice talks into the mic, turning random knobs.

MAURICEWe have a code zero four, repeat zero four. Send in all available troops-

Cody slaps Maurice’s hand away from the knobs.

CODYDon’t touch that. It’s not a toy.

Maurice immediately stops, hanging his head in shame.

17.

ALEXJune, Cody. Cody, June. Maurice?

Alex waves Maurice over. June sits down and waves at Cody, to no response.

MAURICEWhat’s up?

ALEXI’m going to need you to promise to me that you’ll be cool with all this.

MAURICEWhy wouldn’t I be?

ALEXI know you aren’t over June. We still share a netflix account.

MAURICEWhat does that prove?

ALEXYou’ve watched Sleepless in Seattle... Like a lot.

MAURICEIt’s a good movie. You prove nothing.

ALEXJust be cool, okay? It means a lot to me, having you two back as friends.

Maurice nods. Alex hands him a muffin then sits down.

MAURICEBran?!

JUNEYou decide what the show’s about?

ALEXNope, but screw it. Let’s just hit record. See what happens. Cody do we need to do mic checks?

CODYI don’t care, it’s your show.

Maurice and sits down. They all adlib mic checks.

CODY (CONT’D)Alright, you’re good.

18.

Cody looks to Alex, NODS.

ALEXOh, okay. Hello. Welcome to the first episode of... this podcast. I’m Alex Winters, no relation. With us also are Maurice Summers and June Heller. How’s it going, guys?

MAURICEGood.

JUNEAlright.

A long beat of dead air.

MAURICEOkay, this is already the worst thing I’ve ever heard and we’ve only been recording for twenty seconds.

CODYOh, I’m not recording.

ALEXWhat?

CODYDid you want me to record?

ALEXI thought you were!

CODYWhat made you think that?.

ALEXYou gave me the nod!

CODYI saw you nodding, I was agreeing, I don’t know, I don’t understand every nod, jeez. Do you want to record now?

ALEXYes!

Cody hits record then NODS as sarcastically as possible.

A TEXT ALERT comes from June’s phone on the table. Maurice instinctively looks and is horrified at what he sees.

ALEX (CONT’D)June. Could you turn off you phone please?

19.

JUNESorry.

ALEXThank you. Hello everybody, welcome for the first time ever to this podcast. We’ll think of a name very soon, I promise you. In the meantime I’m Alex Winters, no relation, with me are--

Alex looks to Maurice who is still reeling from what he saw.

ALEX (CONT’D)Maurice Summers, who is very distracted by something it seems.

MAURICEI’m sorry, Alex. I must be seeing things is all.

ALEXUm...

MAURICEYou see, I couldn’t help but notice a strange text June just received.

JUNEWhy were you looking at my phone?

MAURICEI was looking at the table. Your phone was on the table.

ALEXCould we do this after introductions?

MAURICEThe thing is, It wasn’t so much the message that I found upsetting but rather the picture accompanying it.

JUNEI’m sorry you saw that, it was an accident, okay?

MAURICEWas it? I’m pretty sure that’s the kind of photo you send with intent.

ALEXSeriously, what are you talking about?

20.

MAURICEIt’s crazy because only a moment ago June said to my face she wasn’t seeing anyone, but my eyes must be playing tricks on my because someone is sending her dick-pics in the middle of the afternoon.

ALEXOh god.

CODYThat does seem a bit early.

JUNENot that it’s any of your business, Maurice, but I’m not seeing anyone.

MAURICEYou must be seeing someone. Dicks don’t appear on phones by magic.

ALEXWay to stay cool, Maurice.

MAURICEOh I’m being cool. I think this is an exceptionally cool reaction from someone who just got lied to, moments before seeing a poorly lit cock they had no intention of seeing.

JUNEJust because I fool around with someone doesn’t mean I’m seeing them. This isn’t the fifties, Maurice.

MAURICENo, in the fifties you’d wait until at least after 3pm before sending photos of your genitalia.

CODYIt’d probably be black and white, too.

JUNEDo you think I wanted you to see that? Do you think I wanted to see that? I don’t ask people to send me these photos, I just get them. They’re like valpacks or linkedin requests.

21.

ALEXYou know, you guys are really giving Cody a lot to edit...

CODYI’m supposed to edit this?

JUNEI knew this was a bad idea staying here. I should have known you couldn’t behave like a mature adult.

MAURICEOh, and nothing says mature adult like a 25 year old with a phone with more dicks in it than an Ed Hardy store.

ALEXHold on. This is perfect. This is what podcasts are about. Pain. Drama. This is great, keep fighting, guys! If you’re just joining us, you’re listening to June and Maurice: former lovers, current podcast hosts. Tell us, what are you two feeling right now?

Maurice takes off his headphones and storms out.

ALEX (CONT’D)Okay, listeners, Maurice just stormed out of the studio, but still with us is June Heller. June, why did you and Maurice break up? Does it have anything to do with your parents?

JUNEI’m sorry, Alex. I tried.

June takes off her headphones and gets up.

ALEXWait-

JUNEBye Alex, we’ll hang out sometime.

June exits. Alex just sits alone with Cody in the garage.

CODYSo... should I cut?

END OF ACT TWO

22.

ACT THREE

INT. ALEX'S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - NIGHT

Alex sleeps face first over the covers of her bed. Old posters and photos from her childhood cover the walls. Daniel walks past the room and notices her.

DANIELWhat are you doing?

ALEX(muffled)

Sleeping?

DANIELHow'd it go? Your podcast?

Alex sits up, a big red mark on her face from the comforter.

ALEXHey, you remembered the name.

DANIELCody put some shows he thought I’d like on my iPod. You wouldn’t believe how many shows there are about just woodworking. There’s “Sprucing Things Up,” “Balsa News That’s Fit to Print”, “Wood That You Could,” but, you know, spelled with two “o’s” instead of a--

Daniel can tell she's sad. He sits next to her.

DANIEL (CONT’D)--what’s wrong?

ALEXI blew it. I couldn't think of a show idea in time, then my co-hosts started fighting because they used to date and-

DANIELMaurice and June? Why'd you put them in a room together?

ALEXBecause they're my friends, and I hadn't seen them in a while. I guess I thought maybe the show could rekindle our friendship. Pretty stupid, huh?

Daniel grabs a black and white photo of Alex, Maurice, and June hanging out as old roommates.

23.

DANIELI didn't think people actually printed photos anymore...

ALEXIt's from my photography phase. Guess you were right about me. I'll pay you back for everything. It might take-

DANIELYou're not paying me back. I may not be the most attuned guy, but I can tell when something's important to you. I know you wouldn't be getting this worked up about this whole thing if it was just some phase. I don’t know why this means so much, but clearly it’s about something more to you that just a show. And you owe it to yourself to really see it out. You know, I never minded buying you all that stuff. Because even if it didn’t fully take, I wanted to see what you could do. And I’ve never been disappointed. Except for maybe that bird. I really hated that bird.

ALEXI love you, Dad.

Alex laughs, hugs her dad.

ALEX (CONT’D)So in that case, you wouldn’t be disappointed if I moved back home?

EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY

June is back at the crafty table, staring longingly at the spread of red-vines and pretzels. Maurice enters.

MAURICEI wouldn't eat those red vines if I were you, I hear they're made out of real vines.

June turns to see him, she's surprised to see a familiar face, but not happy it’s his.

MAURICE (CONT’D)I’m so sorry, I wanted to think of a better joke, but then I got here and-- I’m sorry.

24.

JUNEIt’s a pretty terrible joke. It’s not even a joke really.

MAURICEYeah, I know. I’m not myself lately.

JUNEWhat are you doing here?

MAURICEI came to apologize. I was immature, I overreacted, it wasn't fair to you, and it wasn't fair to Alex either. I’ve been trying to ignore how I feel for the past three months and when I saw you, it’s like it all came to the surface in a big, ugly way. I want you to be happy, even if that means seeing other people. And even if those other people send you photos of their junk at 11:30 in the morning.

June is annoyed to be reminded of the photo again, but glad for the apology.

MAURICE (CONT’D)I can't promise I'm going to be able to be okay around you right away. But I can promise to try. I want to try.

JUNEThanks, it means a lot. And again, I’m sorry you had to see that.

MAURICECome do the podcast Sunday.

JUNEDid Alex ask you to come here?

MAURICEI can neither confirm, nor deny that-- Yes. She did. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you should do it. We all need something right now. Are you telling me you’re really creatively stimulated here?

JUNEAs an actor there’s a certain challenge to not having any lines, or interesting action, or character motivation-- Okay, fine. One show.

25.

Maurice smiles. Starts to walk away.

JUNE (CONT’D)You’re not just doing this to try to get back together with me, are you?

MAURICEIf I really was trying to win you back, I like to think I’d come up with something a little bit cooler than being on a podcast.

June thinks this over while Maurice casually walks away.

INT. MAURICE'S GARAGE - DAY

Alex paces in the back of the garage. Maurice waits, eating a muffin. After a beat June enters. Alex waves her in. Maurice smiles as June sits next to him, both ready to hear Alex out.

ALEXI want to apologize for springing things on you the way I did, for not being prepared, and for not explaining myself the way I should. I don't have a lot of friends. But you guys have, for most of my adult life, been like family to me. However, these past few months I can tell we're already spreading apart and I know it's only going to be a matter of time before we're all that friend you run into at the grocery store and struggle to make small talk with. I don't want that to happen to us. I don’t want half a decade of friendship to turn into a boring conversation about “how expensive gum has gotten.”

JUNEIt really has though.

MAURICEI know. A buck sixty a pack? Get real, Orbit, I’m on a budget.

ALEXIt's no one's fault, it's just what happens. You move, you graduate, people break up... but I don't think that it has to be the case for us. I think I got it in my head that the podcast was about us creating something for myself, something great.

26.

(MORE)

But what I realized is, it doesn't matter what we make so long as that the three of us make it together. I know a podcast sounds like a dumb thing to keep a friendship going but most friendships revolve around something stupid. Work, college, church, a weird mutual love for the show Cheers that I never really understood...

MAURICEYou can’t beat a young Ted Danson.

JUNERhea Perlman is my hero. That hair...

ALEX (CONT’D)That’s just the point. I mean, would Sam Malone and Norm Peterson ever hang out if it weren’t for Cheers? Would the people on Scrubs even know each other if they didn't work at the same hospital? If it weren't for Central Perk would the friends on Friends still be friends?

JUNEI mean, Monica and Ross were brother and sister...

MAURICEJoey and Chandler were roommates, so..

ALEX (CONT’D)Okay forgot that one. This podcast itself could be terrible, it could be something even our family wouldn’t want to listen to and it will still have been a success because it brought us all together. Because for an hour once a week we all made a point to take a break from our sloppy lives, meet up and make something stupid... like a podcast. Let's make something stupid.

JUNEI didn’t realize you cared that much about this. I thought you were just goofing around.

ALEXWhy can’t it be both?

MAURICEWe still need an actual idea for the show though.

27.

ALEX (CONT'D)

ALEXWe’ll think of something. Together. It can’t be hard to find something to talk about that other people find interesting. There are podcasts about woodworking for Christ’s sake.

JUNEYou listen to “What’s Pine is Yours” too? My uncle loves that show.

ALEXWhat’s important is that whatever it is, it’s something we all care about and we would be able to talk about for hours on end. There’s a whole big world of possibilities out there--

Dramatic push in on Alex.

ALEX (CONT’D)--What do you want to talk about?

END OF ACT THREE

28.

TAG

INT. MAURICE’S GARAGE - LATER

June, Alex, and Maurice sit on the mics, with Cody on the ones and twos.

ALEXWelcome to the first episode of "I Feel Like Danson" the encyclopedic podcast chronically every episode of NBC's "Cheers."

MAURICEAnd that’s Danson like the actor. It works better in print--we’re still workshopping the title.

JUNEI like it.

ALEXFor the record, I did not want to do a podcast about “Cheers” but I was outvoted by my co-hosts. Nevertheless--

MAURICEAlex, The thing you gotta remember is, Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.

ALEXOkay, I see what you’re doing there.

JUNETaking a break from all your worries should would help a lot.

ALEXVery funny, guys.

MAURICESo Nobody told you life would be this way...

JUNEYou job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA...

ALEXNot even the right show.

29.

MAURICEYou take the good, you take the bad...

JUNEYou take them both and there you have-

ALEXA lawsuit?

JUNEAll jokes aside, Alex. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, whatever happened to predictability?

MAURICEYou know, the milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV?

CODYWHRRRRRRRRRRSSHHHWOOONGGG

(off looks)That was from Lost.

A beat of dead air.

ALEXHow many episodes of Cheers are there?

MAURICETwo hundred and seventy.

ALEXWonderful.

We slowly pull out on the four of them, laughing and talking like old friends. They adlib the podcast as the audio slowly fades out.

FADE OUT:

30.

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