evil dead the musical cutting

8/10/2019 Evil Dead the Musical Cutting

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Evil Dead: The Musical

Memorized Duo

Cut by Layke Fowler and Clayton

LeCain-Guffey


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CHARACTERS

(IN ORDER OF APPERANCE)

KNOWBY: Scientist, only heard

through recordings

ASH: Tough jock-type guy, hero

SHELLY: Stupid slut

LINDA: Girlfriend of Ash, more

properCHERYL: Annoying younger sister

of Ash

SCOTT(Y): Stoner/Drug addict

EVIL FORCE: Evil Force

MAN: Male employee at S-Mart

POSSESSED WOMAN: Woman

who seems to be possessed


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SETTINGS

(IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE)

CABIN IN THE WOODS: An

abandoned cabin in the woods

WOODS: Outdoor area with

possessed trees

S-Mart: A Wal-Mart style store

that Ash and Linda work at

OTHER NOTES

If a large amount of text is in caps, itis sung.

This can be a male-male duo or male-

female duo


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KNOWBY. Legend has it that it was written

by the Dark Ones. Necronomicon ex Mortis,roughly translated, Book of the Dead. The

book served as a passageway to the evil

worlds beyond. It was written long ago,

when the seas ran red with blood. It was

this blood that was used to ink the book. Inthe year thirteen hundred A.D., the book

disappeared.

All.

CABIN IN THE WOODS (OOOH)

CABIN IN THE WOODS (YEAH)

WERE FIVE COLLEGE STUDENTS ON OUR

WAY TO AND OLD ABANDONED

CABIN IN THE WOODS (OOOH YEAH)

ASH. Well kids after a three hour drive, I

can officially say, were here.

SHELLY. I dont see any cabin in the woods.

ASH. Thats because its in the woods. The

woods just up there. But this is as far as theroad goes. In order to get to the cabin, we


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have to cross this footbridge. It is the only

way to the cabin. The only way.

LINDA.Oh Ash, as much as I love working

with you every day at S-Mart, I think this

vacation will be even better.

ASH. I couldnt agree more, Linda.

Sometimes its healthy for a boyfriend and

girlfriend to leave their place of

employment and just have some fun as a

couple, in a non S-Mart related setting.

(LINDAcrosses the bridge.)

CHERYL. Thanks for bringing me along, Ash.

ASH. Please, Cheryl. Would it be a spring

break vacation if I didnt drag along my

lonely sister? (CHERYLcrosses the bridge.)

SHELLY. Hey Ash, thanks for letting mecome on this trip.

ASH. Well, Shelly, if you were good enough

for Scott to pick up drunk in a bar three

days ago, then I just know youre good

enough for me to spend my only holiday of

the year with. (SHELLY crosses the bridge.)


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SCOTT. This cabin deal better get me laid.

ASH. Im sure it will Scotty. Im sure it will.

INTRODUCTION GOES HERE

Transition

ASH. So this is our cabin in the woods. Isnt

it great?

EVIL FORCE. Join us.

CHERYL. Did you hear something?

SCOTT. No.

CHERYL. Well then maybe it was the wind.

SCOTT. The wind? Were inside! That is the

stupidest thing Ive ever heard. What a

stupid chick.

LINDA. Theres definitely something down

there. And it probably is just some animal.

SCOTT. Well, youre probably right.

Probably is just some animal.

ASH. Come on Scott; lets go see what thatwas.


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SCOTT. Okay, okaythis looks like ajob for

the guy with the big ba-

ASH. Back in a minute.

SCOTT. Check it out! Do you still sell these

at S-Mart?

ASH.Ancient daggers? No.

LINDA.What else you got there, Ash?

ASH.Oh God. Look at this book! Its not

even in English!

CHERYL.Guys we shouldnt be goingthrough this stuff. Its not ours.

Scott.We shouldnt be going through this

stuff. Its not ours. Shut your pie hole,

Cheryl! Youre always ruining our fun. Hey

looka tape recorder. Okay shhhhletssee whats on it.

KNOWBY. This is Professor Raymond

Knowby, Department of Ancient History, log

entry number two. I believe I have made a

significant find in the Castle of Candar,having journeyed there with my daughter


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Annie and Associate Professor Ed Getly. It

was in the rear chamber of the castle thatwe stumbled upon something remarkable;

Necronomicon ex Mortus, roughly

translated Book of the Dead. The book is

bound in human flesh and inked in human

blood. I brought the book to this cabinwhere I could study it undisturbed. It was

here that I began the translations. The book

speaks of a spiritual presence; a thing of evil

that roams the forests and the dark bowers

of mansdomain. It is through the recitation

of the books passages that this dark spirit is

given license to possess the living. Included

here are the phonetic pronunciations of

those passages. Cunda astratta montose

eargreats gutt nos veratoos canda amantos

canda

CHERYL.Shut it off!

KNOWBY.Canda

CHERYL.Shut if off!

KNOWBY.Canda


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CHERYL.SHUT IT OFF!!! (Screams and

exits)

LINDA.Cheryl, dont go! It was just the

wind. Scott, how could you?

SCOTT.So the wind blew a tree through the

window. Ohhhh, scary. Geez, no one

around here knows how to have any fun.

Come on Shelly, lets go scare Cheryl some

more by making the windows rattle in our

bedroom. And when I say make the

windows rattle, I dont mean by some

unstable weather pattern. I mean well be

having SEX.

Shelly.Okay, Scotty.

Transition

ASH.Is Cheryl alright?LINDA.Yeah, shes fine. She was just a bit

freaked out by that tape.

ASH.Lets just forget about Cheryl. Were in

this cabin. Alone. What do you say we have

some champagne, huh baby? After all, Im a


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man and youre a womanleast last time I

checked.

LINDA.Okay.

ASH.I have something else for you too.

(Hands Linda a necklace) So what do you

think?

LINDA.Oh Ash, I love it. I promise Ill never

take it off as long as I live. Who ever

thought when I took that job at S-Mart that

I would meet the man of my dreams?

ASH & LINDA.

I HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION TO THE

GODS ABOVE

HOW WERE WE DEEMED WORTHY OF THIS

PERFECT LOVE?

Ill ASK THE TREES, Ill ASK THE SKY

Ill ASK THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

ASH.

HOW DID A HOUSEWARES EMPLOYEE LANDTHE PERFECT GIRL?


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LINDA.

HOW DID THE PERFECT GIRL LAND A

HOUSEWARES EMPLOYEE?

Transition

EVIL FORCE. Join us! Join us!

CHERYL. Hello?

EVIL FORCE. JOIN US!

CHERYL. Now mother always said that

whenever you hear a strange, frightening,

and potentially life-threatening ghostlychant coming from the dark woods that

theres only one thing you should donot

wake the others and go investigate it alone!

Hello? Is anybody out here? All I see are

these trees.

EVIL FORCE.Join us!

CHERYL.I heard you before

EVIL FORCE.Join us!

CHERYL.I know someone is out here.

EVIL FORCE.Join us!


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CHERYL.Ashley! Open the door! Ashley!

Ashley!

ASH.Cheryl? Did something in the woods

do this to you?

CHERYL.No! It was the woods themselves!

Theyre alive, Ashley! The trees! Theyre

alive! I wanna get out of this placeI wanna

get out of this place right now!

ASH.Cheryl, theres nothing out there.

Trees do not attack people.

CHERYL.Ashley! Will you drive me intotown or not?

ASH.Right now? Sure, sure, but just listen

to what youre saying.

CHERYL.I dont care how it sounds. I wanna

get out of this place right now.

ASH.Sounds like a plan. Come on Cheryl.

CHERYL.You believe me, dont you Ashley?

You believe that theres something out

here.


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ASH.Well it doesnt matter if I believe you.

Ill take you to town, and leave it at that.We just have to cross this bridge

CHERYL.The bridge!

ASH.How did this happen? Its been

destroyed. Theres no way out of here.

Transition

LINDA.Lets play Guess the Word.

SHELLY.How do you play that?

LINDA.Well, I give you some clues and youtry to guess the word Okay, first word. Its

big, its green and it goes in the water.

SHELLY.Toaster!

LINDA.Close. UmmmBlank Dundee. It

rhymes with rockodile. Starts with a C.

SHELLY.Coaster.

LINDA.No. No, the word was-

CHERYL.(Back face to audience) Crocodile.

LINDA.Right, Cheryl. Okay when you eat a

lunch on a blanket in a park its a


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CHERYL.Picnic.

LINDA.Okay when I go-

CHERYL.Butcher.

LINDA.Right. Okay its a-

CHERYL.Vitamin C.

Beat

CHERYL.Muscle, porridge, dental floss,

quintuplets, hamster.

LINDA.Cheryl is everything okay?

CHERYL.

LOOK WHOS EVIL

LOOK WHOS EVIL

LOOK WHOSE EVIL NOW

NOW ILL ASK YOU A QUESTION, NOT

WHERE OR WHY OR HOW

BUT WHO?

LOOK WHOSE EVIL NOW!LINDA.My ankle! I cant walk.


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ASH.Take her to the bedroom and make

sure shes okay.

CHERYL.

YOU CANT STOP ME

YOU CANTSTOP ME

YOU CANT STOP ME NOW!

(Ash throws Cheryl into the cellar and lock it

with a chain.)

CHERYL.You didnt stop me. You didnt stop

me. You just delayed me momentarily.

SCOTTY.Ash are we gonna be okay?

ASH.Uh. Yeah Scotty. We will be fine just as

long as no one else in our party turns into a

demon.

SHELLY.Look whose evil now!

SCOTT.Not Shelly too! Ash grab the gun!

Shoot her! Shoot her!

ASH.I cant shoot Shelly! Shes a friend of

ours!


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SCOTT.Ash, I picked up that girl drunk in a

bar three days ago (Takes gun and shootsShelly.) Im getting outta here! (Scotty

exits)

Beat

CHERYL.I cant believe you let him walk out

on you like thatScott free.

ASH.Shut up Cheryl.

CHERY.Wheres he rushing to? I guess hes

Scotts to go.

ASH.Shut up!

CHERYL. That Scott sure made like a

treeand left.

ASH.Stop it.

CHERYL.I was looking forward to biting into

his flesh. The commercials say Scotts is the

softest tissue.

ASH.Oh come on, thats awful.

CHERYL.Why dont you just accept yourfate and join us Ashley. Join us!


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DONT YOU WANNA JOIN THE CREW?

YOULL BE DEAD AND EVIL TOO

THE COOLEST THING TO DO

IS JOIN US

IMAGINE ALL THE FUN

IF TO EVIL YOU SUCCUMB

SO JUST LAY DOWN THAT BIG GUN

(Spoken Satanically)

And join our dark army of evil CandarianDemons and as we conquer this land, and

take over each and every soul of the living.

ASH.No! Never! Scotty, Scott? NOOOOO!!!!

LINDA.Look whose evil now!

ASH.NOOOOO

CHERYL.Weve got your girlfriend! Weve

got your girlfriend!

SCOTT.Ash! Kill her! Kill her dude! Shes

evil!


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ASH.Forgive me Linda. I guess I gotta do

what I gotta do.

LINDA.Please dont, Ash. Im fine now. Im

alright. I love you.

ASH.No, I wont. I wont. I promise. I love

you too, Linda.

CHERYL.Ashley! Ashley, help me! Im

alright now, Ashley.

ASH.Cheryl?

SCOTT.Dont do it dude! Shes still a

demon. Both of them are.

ASH.Sorry Scotty but she is my sister. Im

afraid Im going to have to ignore your last

dying wish and open that cellar door.

CHERYL.Im alright now Ashley! Comeunlock this chain and let me out!!! Ha ha

ha!!!

ASH.Ah you bastards! Why are you

torturing me like this? Why?!

LINDA.Look whose still evil now!

ASH.NOOO!


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LINDA.Were gonna get you, were gonna

get you.

ASH.Youre going down Linda. Im getting

real tired of this.

LINDA.You found me beautiful once.

ASH.Honey, you got real ugly. (ShootsLinda)

Transition

ASH. And that my loyal S-Mart employees is

how I saved all of mankind.

MAN.And after saving all of mankind you

came directly to work here at S-Mart?

ASH.No, I didnt come directly to work here

at S-Mart. There was a brief period where I

was sent back to Medieval Times and thepeople worshiped me as their kingbut

thats another story.

MAN.I say we ignore this guy and get back

to work.

POSSESSED WOMAN.Look whose evil now!


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ASH.Lady Im afraid Im gonna have to ask

you to leave the store.

POSSESSED WOMAN.Who the hell are

you?

ASH.Names AshHousewares.

POSSESSED WOMAN.Ill swallow your soul.

ASH.Come get some. (Shoots the woman)

So do you screw heads believe I can save

you from Candarian demons now?

ALL.

BECAUSE YOU BLEW THAT CHICK AWAY

BLEW THAT CHICK AWAY

YEA!!


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evil dead the musical cutting

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