Establishing Healthy BoundariesMolly Smith, DMH Clinician

Karen Furman, School Social Worker

What are Boundaries?Think about a map. When you look at a map, do you see boundaries? What are they?

Personal BoundariesPeople have boundaries too. Knowing my boundaries means: Establishing limits Knowing where I end and others begin Understanding the difference between what is mine and

what is not Respecting people’s privacy Being strong when other people try to take advantage of me Not taking advantage of others when they don’t know as

much about something as I do

Personal Boundaries Include:

Your own bodyYour own thingsYour own space (can also be called Personal

Space) Respecting yourself enough to say, “No, leave

me alone, I don’t want to, I can’t now, I want to talk to my friends now, etc.”

RespectWhat does respect have to do with personal boundaries?

RespectShowing consideration for myself and others Treating myself and others with dignityUnderstanding and valuing my boundaries and

rightsunderstanding and valuing other people’s

boundaries and rights

PowerWhat does Power have to do with respecting

personal boundaries?

Power Continued…Power means having control and influence. People abuse this power when they take

advantage of other people or violate the personal boundaries of others.

Ways that people can have Power over another

person:People who may appear to have power may be:BiggerOlderSmarter“Better looking”More popularHave more money

Not Respecting the personal boundaries of

others can be considered:Peer PressureHarassmentSexual HarassmentBullying

Peer PressureBeing forced or pressured into doing something

because your peers are doing it or making you do it, not because you want to.

HarassmentPersistent and

unwanted behavior of an offensive nature intended to disturb or upset the victim.

Sexual HarassmentAny unwelcome behavior of a sexual nature,

whether the behavior is written, verbal, or physical such that the person is uncomfortable, intimidated, or threatened by the behavior.

BullyingWhen any word or action causes someone else

harm.REMEMBER R.I.P.R – RepeatedI – Intending to cause harmP – Power imbalance

Personal boundaries can be violated when:

You are touched by somebody elseYou are verbally harassed by somebody else

(this can also include over text, e-mail, Facebook, etc.)

Your belongings are taken or touched by somebody else

You are forced or pressured to do something that you don’t want to do

How does it feel to have your personal boundaries

violated? Uncomfortable Confusing Unsafe Uneasy Scary Embarrassing Vulnerable Powerless What else?

What do you do if your personal boundaries are

violated?Say NO! Get away from the situation.Tell the violator how you feel.Tell an adultRemember that it’s not your fault

Appropriate vs. Inappropriate

Appropriate means something that is suitable for the occasion or circumstances. It also refers to behavior that is respectful or socially acceptable.

Inappropriate means the opposite – something that is not suitable for the occasion or circumstances.

Example #1Jamal has a crush on Tamara. Tamara doesn’t

know that Jamal exists. In order to get Tamara’s attention, Jamal sneaks up behind her at her locker and smacks her in the back of her head.

Example #2Lisa is late to class and needs a pencil. She

cannot find one in her locker. She remembers Angela’s locker combination from the beginning of the year and decides to go help herself to a pencil from Angela’s locker. While she’s in there, she also decides to borrow some gum and lip gloss. Angela won’t mind!

Example #3Every day, Ken makes a comment about

Diamond’s weight when he passes her in the hallway.

Example #4Jason is running down the hallway and

accidentally runs into Ben, hitting Ben’s arm and knocking Ben’s books to the ground.

Example #5Albert and Rhonda are walking to Union Station

after school. Albert reaches out and grabs Rhonda’s hand, which she likes. Then, he puts his arm around her, which makes her uncomfortable. Rhonda asks Albert to take his arm off of her, and he replies, “But you’re my girl.”

Example #6Tanya and Jess meet up on the playground

before school. Tanya hasn’t done her homework, so she says, “Jess, why don’t we skip today.” Tanya knows that school is important to Jess, but she tries to convince her to skip anyway by enticing her with lunch at Chipotle.

RESOURCESDCPS Municipal Regulations www.dcps.dc.govGOOD-TOUCH/BAD-TOUCH® Curriculum Guidehttp://school.discoveryeducation.comhttp://www.rockingham.k12.va.us