English Jokes For Competences

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Post on 22-Nov-2014

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Web 2.0 provides multiple opportunities for English lessons. Competences are easily integrated in class projects and oral expression is reinforced thanks to the motivating context of Internet for teenagers and adults alike.

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<ul><li> 1. English Jokes Competencia Cultural y Artstica Competencia Social y Ciudadana Competencia Lingstica Competencia Digital </li> <li> 2. English Jokes <ul><li>If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have? </li></ul></li> <li> 3. <ul><li>3!!! </li></ul></li> <li> 4. <ul><li>There is a cannibal on a plane and at lunchtime the airhostess comes and says: </li></ul><ul><li><ul><li>Do you want the menu? </li></ul></li></ul><ul><li><ul><li>And the cannibal said: </li></ul></li></ul></li> <li> 5. <ul><li>I prefer the travellers list. </li></ul></li> <li> 6. <ul><li>This man a man so small, so small, so small </li></ul><ul><li>That he saw a marble and said: </li></ul></li> <li> 7. <ul><li>The world is mine. </li></ul></li> <li> 8. <ul><li>How much is four by four? </li></ul></li> <li> 9. <ul><li><ul><li>TIE! </li></ul></li></ul></li> <li> 10. <ul><li>And two by one? </li></ul></li> <li> 11. <ul><li>SALE! </li></ul></li> <li> 12. <ul><li>This was a girl so silly, so silly, so silly that </li></ul></li> <li> 13. <ul><li>She was enclosed in a supermarket and died of starvation </li></ul></li> <li> 14. <ul><li>What month has got 28 days? </li></ul></li> <li> 15. <ul><li>All of them. </li></ul></li> <li> 16. <ul><li>How many letters are there in The English Alphabet? </li></ul></li> <li> 17. <ul><li>18 letters! </li></ul><ul><li>3 in the, 7 in English and 8 in alphabet </li></ul></li> <li> 18. <ul><li>What is the difference between cats and a dogs? </li></ul></li> <li> 19. <ul><li>Dogs think: </li></ul><ul><li><ul><li> Human beings are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods </li></ul></li></ul></li> <li> 20. <ul><li>Cats instead think: </li></ul><ul><li><ul><li> Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God. </li></ul></li></ul></li> <li> 21. <ul><li>Why is the letter T like an island? </li></ul></li> <li> 22. <ul><li><ul><li>Because it is in the middle of water. </li></ul></li></ul></li> <li> 23. <ul><li>What is a green dot in a corner? </li></ul></li> <li> 24. <ul><li>A punished olive </li></ul></li> <li> 25. <ul><li>A man goes to the doctor and says: </li></ul></li> <li> 26. <ul><li><ul><li>Doctor, Ive got a problem! Ive got two personalities </li></ul></li></ul><ul><li><ul><li>And the doctor replies: </li></ul></li></ul></li> <li> 27. <ul><li>Be quiet, sit down and lets talk the four of us. </li></ul></li> <li> 28. <ul><li>Why shouldn't you put the letter "M" into the refrigerator? </li></ul></li> <li> 29. <ul><li>Because it turns ice into mice! </li></ul></li> <li> 30. <ul><li>There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? </li></ul></li> <li> 31. <ul><li>2 birds. The other 3 fly away! </li></ul></li> <li> 32. This is a long joke <ul><li>The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or American people. </li></ul><ul><li>On the other hand, French people eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British and the Americans. </li></ul></li> <li> 33. <ul><li>Japanese people drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans. </li></ul><ul><li>The Italians drink excessive amounts of red win and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or teh Amercians. </li></ul><ul><li>So the conclusion is </li></ul></li> <li> 34. <ul><li> That you can eat and drink what you like because the only dangerous thing is </li></ul></li> <li> 35. <ul><li>Speaking ENGLISH! </li></ul></li> </ul>