end of the road to eternity

7/27/2019 End of the Road to Eternity

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Title - End of the Road to Eternity

By - Maria ([email protected])

Distribution - http://www.gaelic-aisling.com/evennowand everywhere else with my permission only.

Disclaimer - nothing's mine. All's Joss'.

Rating - show's for now.

Spoilers - all BtVS, AtS up to "Unleashed".

Pairing - B/A

Synopsis - post "Just Rewards", "Unleashed" didn't happen, it takes a different take from there.

Feedback - yes, please:).

Part One

Angel walked into his apartment and tossed his duster on one of the chairs. He wasn't having the best of

days, he wasn't in the best of moods. All he wanted was to reach his bed, fall asleep until he had to wake

up. He hadn't seen his grandchilde at all today and that bothered him strangely. He didn't like having Spike

around, at all. It was safe to say he hated it. There was another personal aspect to it he didn't like to admit,

and as expected - it was Buffy. Whenever Spike wasn't around, he could pretend, even just for a moment,

he could stop thinking about her. But when his grandchilde was present, it wasn't the case at all. It was

worse. Not only he couldn't stop thinking about her, couldn't he stop thinking about telling her. And whatwould happen once he did?

But Spike hadn't been around all day and it puzzled Angel. Given his newly acquired haunting ability,

Spike would rarely miss a chance to shove his nose a bit deeper into where it didn't belong or find another

way to annoy his grandsire, but he would never disappear for over twenty-four hours. With everything else

aside, there was also the question of where he was disappearing to. Angel was worried...

But as he turned on the lights, he found exactly what he'd expected to.

"What the hell are you doing here, Spike?" Angel brushed past his grandchilde on his way to his bedroom,

now that Spike was there, trying to ignore his existence as much as possible.

Spike sank into a leather chair, casually eyeing the other vampire. "You've got a message, mate. Very

interesting, you might wanna listen to it," he nodded at the phone.

Angel froze in his tracks and revolved. He didn't even need Spike to tell him who that message was from.

Silently, he hit the play button on the machine.

"Angel, it's me. I know you're not in now, and I know I promised I'd call today the last time we talked, but

something came up. I have to make it quick, I'm sorry I can't talk, we'll talk soon. Angel I have

something I need to tell you, but that'll have to wait, too, I guess. And Angel I love you. I'll talk to you

soon."
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"Hmmm certainly brings up the question whether your little friends know about it. Bet they wouldn't be

very happy, if they heard you're keeping such secrets from them."

"None of your business, Spike," Angel snapped. "Stay out of it."

"Like hell, I will!" the bleached vampire jumped to his feet. "Last time I heard from her," he mockingly

repeated Angel's words, "when was that, yesterday? You think you're just gonna hide me from her?! Whogave you the bleedin' right to decide? I love you, Angel," this time the mockery came on Buffy's expense,

"might interest you to know she said the same thing to me."

Angel looked at him, his gaze strong and confident, yet never losing that dangerous gleam of darkness that

would surface every time Spike dared to cross over to his territory, which in most cases was his Slayer.*His* Slayer. And if Spike insisted on constantly having his nose rubbed into it, Angel would make sure

he'd get just that. "It's not gonna work, Spike," he finally spoke, his voice calm and casual as he deleted the

message Buffy had left on his machine. "I know all about what Buffy told you, it doesn't bother me, doesn't

threaten me. *You* don't threaten me. You piss the hell out of me, but you don't threaten me, Spike." And

as he steadily held the other vampire's gaze, both knew he wasn't lying. As much as Angel's feelings for

Spike were rather mixed since he had learned about his soul, especially taking into account the blond

vampire's present condition, he still despised and hated him. Spike he had touched his Slayer, his woman,

his mate. But that was on the physical plane only. It never went beyond that, and Angel knew that. Deepinside, Spike knew that, too.

"I'm gonna go to sleep." With that, he simply disappeared inside the darkness of his bedroom.

"They are going to find out eventually!" Spike shouted after him.

Angel sighed and slammed the door shut, knowing that corporal or not corporal, Spike wasn't going to

follow. His friends... if they did find out, or when they would find out... he'd deal with that when the time

was right.

Angel briefly glanced at the person who'd just walked through his door, instantly returning his attention tothe file he was reading. "Which part of this is my office did you not understand?"

Eve merely smiled, as she, too naturally for Angel's liking, found a seat on his desk, crossing her mini skirt

clad legs one over the other. "Your secretary said you weren't busy. I thought I'd drop by to see how you'redoing."

"I didn't know the Senior Partners were so interested in my well being."

She moved closer, reaching out her hand to the silk collar of his royal blue shirt, letting her fingers caress

upon the soft fabric as she spoke, his eyes never leaving her face. "I keep telling you, but you wouldn't

listen. Fighting us isn't going to solve your problems. You should have known better by now. We're not the

enemy, we're just... there."

Angel knew what she was referring to. Evil. He also knew he'd heard a similar line once before. "It's none

of your business whom I'm fighting, Eve. I'm sure with everything that's been going on, you have enough to

keep the Senior Partners busy for a while."

"True," she agreed, letting go of his shirt and slightly drawing back from him. "But you have personal

interest in it, boss, which makes it far more interesting to watch. So what they want to know right now, is

how *you* will handle it."


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He didn't answer, just waited for her to say something else. When she didn't, he looked her straight in the

eyes. "Point taken. Now, if you don't mind, I'm busy. I'm sure you can show yourself out."

"Please do. Eve."

Slowly, Angel turned his head to the door, inwardly praying the person standing there wasn't the person he

already knew it was.

"Buffy," a pleasant smile spread across Eve's lips as she gracefully slid off his desk and walked over to the

Slayer. Angel watched her in disbelief, not even minding the question rising inevitably in his head how

she even knew who Buffy was. Of course, she did. But he knew *Buffy* and looking at the blonde Slayer

now, with her head high, her arms folded challengingly over her chest, her eyes two menacing slits ofgreen, Eve was walking on very dangerous ground. Eve's confidence amazed Angel, up to a certain extent,

he almost admired it because even for someone who was meeting Buffy for the first time, she should have

known it was her cue to back off. Instead she stepped forward, holding out her hand, still smiling.

Buffy only graced it with a quick glance, instantly turning to look at Angel. If looks could kill

The man in him relished, almost savored that look on her face, knowing after everything she was his

woman. Also, he could remember only too clearly how many times in the past she must have seen that lookon his face, the reason to quite a few of them was now regularly haunting his office, his apartment, his

life Angel shook his head. Spike wasn't helping this picture, and as much as he was enjoying it, trouble

was the last thing he needed or wanted.

"Buffy"

"Do I know you?" she sharply turned to Eve, completely ignoring his mention of her name. "Because if I

had the pleasure, I'm sure I'd remember."

"No, you don't," Angel stepped in, as calmly as he could, putting a hand on the Slayer's arm, almost

flinching at the steely feel of her knotted muscles. No, she most probably wasn't going to start anything

with Eve, but he could tell when she was angry, more like furious. He reevaluated after a moment, andgiven the display she had walked in on, she probably had every right to be considerably.

"I'm Eve," the other woman answered the Slayer's former question, still maintaining that same sweet smile

on her face, her eyes never revealing the slightest glimpse of anything resembling either alarm or fullfledged fear. The only difference was that she had taken a hint and pulled her hand back. "I work here. I've

heard so much about you, it's a pleasure to meet you."

The Slayer eyed her from head to toe for several moments, which to Angel, seemed a bit too long, before

finally stating, "Don't be so sure."

"Hmm," Eve slightly tugged at her shoulders, still smiling, "maybe some other time then. I'll let you two

catch up. Angel," she flashed the vampire a grin as she gracefully sauntered past him and the Slayer and out

of the office, making sure to close the door on her way out.

The two stood in silence for a moment, before Angel finally spoke, "Buffy"

The Slayer shot him a look that instantly swallowed every word he was about to say. "Eve," she slowly

uttered the name. "So did she already make you bite off the apple, Angel? Cause we wouldn't wanna ruinthe cliche, would we?"

"Wha-" the vampire gaped at her in disbelief, "how d-"


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"Oh, come on!" Buffy threw her hands in the air, walking over to his desk and perching on top of it. Never

taking her eyes off Angel, she reclined backwards, supporting herself on her hands, and folded one slender

leg over the other. "Do I need an apple too?" she asked quietly, her voice only a tad above whisper, her

hard gaze paralyzing him. "Then again didn't I already send you to hell?" After holding his gaze trapped

for another second, she quickly turned away and jumped back to the floor, taking a few steps in Angel'sdirection, stopping only inches from him. "I *really* thought you had more sense than that."

He groaned, almost rolling his eyes, and it seemed whatever spell she had had over him was wearing off.

"She works here, Buffy, she's my link, or whatever, to the Senior Partners. I didn't exactly hire her, she

kinda came with the office."

"Oh, I see," she considered for a moment, before looking back up at him, "then it must be okay."

The vampire gave her a look before walking around her and stopping at his desk, leaning back against it

and folding his arms on his chest, as if expecting her to go on saying whatever she had to say.

"So was she the reason you were so eager to pay for my little trip to Europe?"

That he didn't see coming. For a second he didn't even understand what the hell she was so upset about.

What was bothering her so much about Eve. Had she had any expectations from him for the summer, giventhe fact she was the one who left him without as much as giving him a solid answer, a simple yes or no. She

had just left. She didn't even say she would be coming back. Aside from the random phone calls none of his

friends - well now Spike, Angel thought, recalling last night's incident knew of, they had no contact in the

past months. And these calls they hurt Angel more than any final goodbye could, because at least a

goodbye would be final. It wouldn't leave him alone to a sleepless night, wondering whether she might

have had something she wanted to tell him in that call, but changed her mind...

"I did that, because you wanted to," he replied, trying to keep his anger and bitterness from reflecting in the

tone of his voice, all the while knowing he was doing a poor job at it. "You wanted to go, Buffy,remember? You said you needed to get away, to figure things out, hell you knew what it was all about more

than me, after all. Not like you bothered to clue me in on any of it! You *wanted* to go, and I offered to

help you. Forget about all this," he gestured mindlessly at the office, "I could give you so much more than

money and a trip to Europe, Buffy, I offered you to stay *here*, but you wanted to go!"

"I wasn't ready," the Slayer said quietly, her intense gaze melting with her voice. "I wasn't ready to stay,

and what I wanted from you wasn't about money."

He sighed, rubbing his forehead as though the entire conversation gave him a headache. "I know that.

That's why I offered you to *stay*"

"But I didn't expect to come back here, only to find you messing around with some bimbo from hell that

happens to be your link to the real bad guys *you* happen to, by the way, work for!"

The vampire swallowed, averting his eyes from her and inhaling a deep breath. "There is nothing go-"

"You'll have to be a bit more convincing than that," the Slayer interrupted him without hesitation.

He laughed, a dry and hoarse laugh. "See, the funny thing is, that I really don't know why I have to be

convincing at all because in that scenario, when I finally offered you everything, you left me, *not* the

other way around." When she was about to say something back, he held up his hand, wordlessly ordering

her not to answer. "Why did you come back? Hell, I didn't even think you would."

"Well, you thought wrong," she bit back.


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Angel nodded. "Where are the others? They're back, too?"

Buffy shook her head. "Dawn didn't wanna come back."

He gave her a knowing look, "Why do I find it so hard to believe you just let her do that and left her there?"

She sighed, walking over to him and climbing up on his desk to his right, folding her hands in her lap. "Itold you over the phone, Giles and a few other survivors, as we call them, they're trying to rebuild the

Council, they're regrouping, bringing in more people, it's been growing pretty well so far. With so many

Slayers needing Watching, they need many people to do that."

Angel looked at her for a while, not saying anything. Her voice was soft and somewhat sad, and he guessed

right thinking that leaving Dawn behind was not entirely her choice to make. As immune as he thought he

could be to her pain when he wanted to, he knew inside he never truly could. As trivial as it may be, no

anger could hold him back from feeling it along with her. He climbed on the desk as well and reached for

one of her hands. Pretending to ignore the momentary surprised look she gave him, Angel laced their

fingers together and weakly squeezed her small palm. "So what does that have to do with Dawn?" he

prodded gently.

"She wanted to stay there. Over the summer, she's become so invested in the whole thing, and Giles wasencouraging it. I mean, they never were particularly close." Not like me and him, he heard her thoughts

saying the rest. "I guess she just felt important, like she was really contributing. And you know that Dawn

needs that, so she got more and more into it, and we had that talk a while back, Giles and I, he thinks

that- he wants to-"

"He wants to train her?"

Buffy nodded, looking into her lap. "Yeah. To be a Watcher, eventually. And she wants it, too, so I lether."

This time, it was his turn to nod. "But you didn't have to leave."

"No," she squeezed his hand, making him look at her. "I really did."

They held each other's gaze for a long spell, both waiting for her to say something else, both having thesame thing in mind. Ultimately, when nothing came, Angel broke the silence again, "And Willow and

Xander? How are they doing?"

A tiny smile graced the Slayer's lips at the mention of her best friends. "Willow, she a few days ago, she

gave Xander a little present." At Angel's questioning gaze, she proceeded after a beat, "She kinda gave

him a new eye."

He stared at her, almost in disbelief. "What?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "One might ask what's an eye for a gal who's raising the dead and destroying the

world for fun, but as it turned out, she'd been looking for a... legal way to do that." "Legal how?"

"In the sense that she wanted to do that pretty much ever since he lost his original one, but didn't want to

turn to that kind of magic, even for Xander, so she'd been looking for a way that wouldn't piss Giles off,

for starters. I-I don't really know how that works. I just know that she found it, a more natural and

conventional way to give Xander his eye back, which she did. That's pretty much it."


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"I see"

"Yep, that's Willow," Buffy grinned, but it took only Angel to see that smile wasn't entirely happy. For now

though, he chose to let it drop. Surprisingly, Buffy chose against it. "I'm glad she did that. He's pretty muchbeen through everything by now, and it's good that something like that happens to him for a change."

"So he's... better now."

"Yeah. I guess," the Slayer offered dubiously. "It's just that... even Willow can't fix everything."

And Angel knew she was talking about Anya. "We never really got along, but there was one thing I alwaysadmired in Xander. Whatever life would through his way, no matter how bad it was, he had the ability to

always smile in its face and just walk on. I don't think I ever met anyone who could do that as easily as he

could."

"I know," Buffy smiled at his sharp observation and at the unfamiliar way in which he talked about her best

friend. "That's what I love most about him. That's why he's so easy to lean on all the time, just for being

Xander." After a beat, she added, attempting to change the subject, "By the way, your good pal Kennedy is

officially history."

He shrugged, cooperating. "Never really thought it'd work out. She's not Willow's type. I didn't like her."

"No, she's not," Buffy chuckled at the mention of the last and only time Kennedy had met Angel. If she and

Willow hadn't interfered in time - mostly for Willow's sake because in Buffy's book Kennedy definitely had

it coming - her days as an actual Slayer would have been much less numbered than she'd thought. "And I

didn't like her either. You'd like Tara though if you knew her, I mean," a note of faraway sadness entered

her voice and Angel gave another squeeze to her hand. She hated being reminded of that her friends, people

she loved that were no longer in this world for whatever reason. After all those years as the Slayer, deathwas still something she couldn't fight.

Angel eyed her for a long moment. All he knew about Tara were stories he'd heard from Buffy at one time

or the other. Well, that and the fact her death had driven Willow to try and bring the world to an end.Besides that, all he had heard about was what a good and kind person she was. Everybody liked her, Buffy

liked her "I'm sorry," he whispered softly, letting go of her hand and bringing his up to rest on the small

of her back.

Maybe, in light of the circumstances, there wasn't a more perfect moment to do that. As much as he hated

to bring him up, especially to her of all people, "Buffy," he swallowed, clearing his throat and patiently

searched for her eyes until he was looking right in them, "there is something I really need to tell you. As

much as I really don't want to, but you have to know-"

"About Spike," she finished his thought softly, laying a soothing hand on his thigh. "I know."

He stared at her, a part of him trying to decide whether or not she was angry with him for not having told

her anything even though he knew the other vampire had been back for days. The other part wanted toknow how come she wasn't even a little surprised. He couldn't help the thought she may have known this

could happen, so why hadn't *she* said anything to him?

"That's why I'm here, Angel."

Well, if she hadn't crushed his dreams before "Right." He drew his hand from her shoulder, bringing it

down to his lap. "So, that's it? You know what's going on?"


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"No," she said simply. "I just know that he's back."

Angel looked at her, absorbing the meaning behind those words. So *he* brought her here. "How?"

"Giles told me. I guess he's got friends who have their ways to find out. Like they knew when Willow wentbad. They knew something was stirring up here, having to do with the amulet and a ghostly presence stuck

between dimensions. We put the pieces together and figured out that somehow it must be Spike."

"I know he's stuck, Buffy. He's got something in this world tying him here, and he's got something

someplace else pulling him there, how do you think you're gonna help him?"

Buffy waited a long moment before answering, "Giles says the only way we can sever that link is to destroy

the amulet, cut him loose from this world."

"I know," Angel admitted.

"I figured you would. I also know you'd never do that. As much as you hate Spike, you would never do

that." At his hesitating nod, she added softly, "You won't condemn him to hell, Angel. I can't do that either.

We have to figure out another way."

He chuckled, running a hand through his dark hair. "Should have known."

She glared at him as though reading into his thoughts, vampire or not, "Care to explain?"

"What's there to explain?" he threw his hands up, heading towards the door. "We'll get Spike to be

corporeal again, everybody's happy. Isn't that what you want?"

"Angel!" her voice stopped him just as he was about to open the door and get out. Then, softly, she added,

"Angel, don't go. Please."

"Why?" he asked hoarsely, without turning around.

There was no answer for a while and he was about to go as he'd planned, when she finally said, "Because I

love you."

next

Part Two

Angel pulled his hand from the door and leaned his palms on one of the flaps, exhaling. "You know," he

chuckled softly, obviously not seeing the need to turn around as he spoke to her. "I've been hearing that formonths, more times than I could ever hope for, but also by far more times than I wanted to. There were

times I wanted so much to hear you say that, but then I just started praying I'd never hear you say that

again. Dammit, Buffy," he smacked one of his hands over the wooden door, so hard it almost cracked,

startling the Slayer as he abruptly spun around. "Why?" he demanded hoarsely, looking her straight in the

eye and Buffy could clearly detect the tears welling up in his.

It was months ago, the last time she saw him drop his barriers and open up to such extent. It was months

ago the last time she saw him... "I'm sorry," she whispered, cautiously advancing upon him.
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But he wasn't going anywhere. He just leaned his back against the door. "You're the only one who can do

that to me, you know that? When you're not here, I'm fine. Hell I'm so *fine* my best friends don't even

notice when something's *not* fine, well except for Wes, but he knows to never say anything anyway. And

then you come... and suddenly I can't pretend anymore. I'm just so tired of this, Buffy, I'm *tiered* of

repeatedly going through this emotional roller-coaster, it doesn't lead anywhere!"

The blonde stepped closer, taking his both hands in hers. "I'm sorry... I had no choice."

"No choice?" he released a bitter laugh, surveying his office. "Dammit, where's Spike when he really

should be here to hear this..." Feeling the Slayer's pained gaze resting on him, drove Angel's eyes back to

her. "It's him, Buffy, he's the problem. I offered you everything, *everything*. Even the curse wasn't an

issue anymore, and you knew that. And you still left. You just left. If it wasn't for Spike, Buffy, why did

you leave? Don't tell me you're sorry, just tell me why."

She blinked and choked back tears that were rising now in her own throat. "It *was* Spike. At first, it- it

was."

The vampire rolled his eyes, but before he had a chance to comment, she continued.

"He knew, Angel. He knew everything. I kissed you... and he knew."

He was just staring at her, as his mind was easily making sense of words that made no sense at all to an

average person. "When you kissed me... do you even know what it meant to me?"

"Yes," she croaked.

He took a moment to let that sink in. "When I came to you, I already knew about Spike. And not because Icould smell him, but because I knew. The same firm I now run, they were kind enough to introduce me to

*everything*. And that you did what you did, that you were with *Spike*... God, Buffy."

She let go of his hands, casting her eyes to the floor. Inside she knew what had initiated the whole mess in

her life that was titled Spike, she knew what had driven her to it. But she was never more ashamed of itthan she was now. She knew Angel would understand, if he knew. He probably already did both, never

mind how much that may have hurt him nevertheless. But for the first time in years she was truly asking

herself... why hadn't she come to him instead? She looked up again when she felt his cool hand on her

cheek, his fingertips tenderly caressing her flesh in that way she had longed for so much.

"I loved you, I *love* you, more than anything in the world. But I was so afraid when I came to you that

night, to give you the files and the amulet. I wanted to stay and fight with you, as much as I knew you

would never let me. I was ready to be there for you any way I could. But I was so afraid... that you wouldn't

have me. Because of him. But when you kissed me like that, everything just vanished, all that fear, it just

disappeared. I was blown away. And then you promised me, the same thing you promised me five years

ago, by the way. Do you even remember that?" The corner of his mouth curved up in a tiny smile as hegently brushed his thumb over her lips.

"Of course, I do," she asserted, bringing her hand up to his face.

"Did you mean it?" he still felt the necessity to ask.

"I did."

He nodded silently. "Then why did you go? Why did you turn your back on me after that? When you came

to me, the same day you all got on that damned plane to England, you came to me and you told me that was


9/54

it. You were ready, you were normal, and at the same time you weren't, you were just you, just like you

always wanted to. You had a chance to have the life you always wanted to, a real chance. If you didn't

mean what I thought you meant by that-"

"I owed him that much, Angel," she hated to interrupt him, especially with that excuse, but she had to.

"After everything that happened, I couldn't just- I had to get away."

He sniffed and looked up from her, nodding slightly in almost understanding.

"After I did, I realized it was for me, too, that I had so many things to work through. I couldn't just slip

back into it, as much as I'd want to, and neither could you. I had to be sure I wouldn't screw it up all the

way to hell allover again. If I thought for a second there was even the slightest chance we could lose thistime, too, I couldn't let that happen yet."

"Buffy," he breathed her name softly, as she cradled his face in her small hands, locking their eyes together.

"You still love me," she said.

"You already know that."

"But it wasn't enough for me anymore," she surprised him with her answer. "I guess five years really do

make you grow up in ways you didn't know you even could." She took a deep breath and slightly pulled

away from him. "When I asked Willow to do that spell, to make all the Potentials real Slayers, only

afterwards I realized I didn't fully understand what I was asking her to do. Afterwards, Angel, I didn't think

you would... a part of me, it just stopped. Whatever in me that used to be special, it wasn't special

anymore."

He just stared at her, his gaze a strange mixture of confusion and astonishment. "What?" he heard himself

ask, even though he already knew.

Buffy swallowed, breaking their eye contact. "A part of me just couldn't help but think that... I wouldn't be

special to you, too."

"Buffy," Angel shook his head, firmly grabbing her shoulders and making her look at him. Chasing away

all his thoughts, he only left one - what he was going to say, what he only just realized he should have saidmonths ago, maybe then things would have turned out differently. "What you did, when you decided to

share your power with those girls, I have never, *never* been more proud of you. I know how hard it was

for you to make that decision, to take that step, but you knew all along you were doing the right thing and

you did it. Buffy, I love you more than anything in the world, I don't care how many Slayers are out there

now, neither one of them can even begin to compare to you. You're one of many to the world now, Buffy,

but to me you're just one. You always will be, nothing can ever change that."

Buffy only smiled weakly, reaching up to her face to wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Angel,"

she rose on her tiptoes and closed her eyes when the soft familiar feel of his lips invaded her allover again.

They didn't even hear the knock on the door.

"Angel, I wanted to- Buffy," the former Watcher noticed the obvious presence of the Slayer just as she

reluctantly broke the kiss with her renewed lover and rested her head on his chest, facing away from

Wesley, her arms firmly locked around his neck.

The vampire blinked a couple of times and sucked in a breath. His own arms tightened possessively around

the small body of his Slayer as he was trying to form words or at least find something, anything, to tell his


10/54

friend who maybe wasn't demanding an instant explanation, but his eyes indicated he would very much like

to have one.

Only that the former Watcher also knew the difference between things that could wait and things thatcouldn't. "I-I'll... come back later. It's nice to see you again, Buffy," he offered a small smile to the Slayer,

who by now had turned her head to look at him, and walked out the way he came.

As soon as Wesley closed the door to Angel's office behind him, Gunn moved in for it, followed by Fred.

"Let's go," the Brit touched the young lawyer's arm as he moved past him, leading them away.

"What's going on?" Gunn wanted to know. Though he'd agreed to follow Wesley, he threw a couple of

dubious looks at Angel's office over his shoulder, also exchanging one with Fred.

"I think we should give him a minute, whatever we have to talk to him about, it can wait."

"What's going on, Wes?" the other man asked more firmly this time, as he came to full stop, refusing to go

any further until he received some answers.

"Wesley?" Fred prodded gently when their friend still hadn't said anything.

He hesitated for another short while. In the end of the day, his friends had the right to know, especially

given the fact Wesley knew that what he'd seen in that room only moments ago was something he thought

he'd never see at all - it was a reunion. And this time, it was final. The Slayer and the ensouled vampire

were once again, after years of separation, a couple. He recalled the time Buffy had come to see Angel

months ago right after she and her friends had vanquished the First Evil and managed to escape the now

permanently destroyed Sunnydale. He remembered the two had locked themselves in Angel's office for

over an hour, to talk things through, to reach a decision - that had never happened. Angel had been

brooding for days afterwards and nobody knew what was wrong, except for Wesley. Neither of them hadseen him in that state for years.

But now it was deferent. Wesley had to suppress a knowing smile stubbornly creeping up to his lips. Whathe saw just minutes ago in his friend's eyes, and in the Slayer's eyes was something he had never seen.

Behind the veil of heartache and what he knew were recently shed tears on both parts, he saw the purest

embodiment of peace. Neither Buffy, nor Angel would let anything stand in their way now, neither one of

them was turning back from the resolution they'd both finally come to. So the rest might as well know that,too.

"He's not alone," he stated, glancing at Angel's office.

"Meaning?" Gunn interrogated.

Wesley rubbed his chin, avoiding his friends' gazes for a moment. "He's with... Buffy. I thought they shouldhave their privacy."

"Buffy?" this time Fred was the one who asked. "The Slayer? The one who died?"

"Well, as you know, she is quite alive," Wesley commented dryly. It was unbelievable to him at times just

how little the group closest to Angel really knew about him. In other words, just how much he had

managed to keep away from them. One might think he'd want to be honest about something as momentous

in his life as Buffy.


11/54

"Well what's she doing here?" Fred asked again. "I thought she was in Europe."

"She was," the Brit acknowledged with a slight nod, "Apparently, she's back."

"But-"

"Wait a second," Gunn interrupted their conversation. "Buffy. If bells ring right, that girl's the only thing inthe world that can break Angel's curse. If she's back because of what I know she is..."

"I'm certain she is," Wesley observed casually. "And the curse is not a problem anymore, as I'm sure you

both know," he looked between his two friends. "Willow said it herself. Jenny Calendar tried to take theclause out when she replicated the original Gypsy curse years ago, but she came up empty handed. When

he was cursed by Willow the first time around, the clause still held. But after she cursed him the second

time, it was gone. Over the years, Willow managed to do what Ms. Calendar couldn't. The use of the curse

was almost identical, except that the first time, his soul was lifted but a true moment of happiness. The

second time, it wasn't the case."

The lawyer looked at him dubiously. "Angel told us himself that the Shaman had to dig into his mind to

recreate a moment of happiness, in order to lift his soul. Same ol'."

"No," Wesley protested. "It doesn't matter what the Shaman made him believe, whatever tricks he played

inside his head. The soul was expelled from his body using dark magic. It did *not* have the same effect as

did the true moment of happiness with Buffy. Willow explained that another part of the curse was that

should Angel's soul be restored, the manner in which it was lost must play a part in the restoration. Which

means, it's a cycle, if he loses his soul due to true happiness, there is only one way in which it can be

restored - so he would lose it again, the next time he experiences true happiness. So he's doomed to lose his

soul again and again whenever the happiness clause kicked in. That's why he had to stay away from Buffy,

because then she became an actual danger, one of the triggers to his curse was identified. But there have

always been others, dark magic is one of those. However when you take away his soul using magic, truehappiness no longer plays a part in the recursing. In that aspect, he is safe. He and... Buffy are... safe,"

Wesley concluded, watching mindfully as Fred and Gunn took in everything he'd just said, hoping they also

understood the meaning of it.

Gunn made the obvious statement first. "So basically, what you're saying is that since the happiness

clause's no longer active, everyone can come play some dark mojo and no more soul?"

Wesley didn't like the sound of that, but... "Yes. Basically. But that danger had always been there, Buffy, orAngel's relationship with her, never had and never will have anything to do with it. You can't fight magic

with magic, Gunn, not in this case. No matter what it says in the curse, magic can always find a way around

it - everything can be done by magic. Even your own soul can be taken using magic. Besides, do you

wanna go in there and tell them they can't be together? Because somehow, I doubt your opinion will matter

much after all this time."

The African-American satisfied with a sharp glare in the other man's direction, while Fred stammered, "B-

but I thought... Cordelia..."

Wesley let out a short laugh, inwardly realizing they all had been fooled in the past couple of years in one

way or the other. Possibly even Angel himself. "Not while Buffy is in the picture."

"But she *wasn't* in the picture, Wes," Fred insisted.

"Not directly, no," he agreed. "But beneath the surface, she always was, always has been. Especially for

Angel. After what I saw, I'm more sure than ever."


12/54

"But he loved Cordelia," the brunette insisted, clearly very confused. "I'm sure he did. And... I thought he

still-"

"Maybe he did," the ex-Watcher considered for a moment, "maybe he didn't. Maybe it was another schemeof the same dark power that played a large part in all of our lives the past two years. I suppose we'll never

know. But what I am sure of is that he never loved anyone the way he loved Buffy. As far as I know for

certain, Angel only had two women in his entire life, with whom he was seriously romantically involved.Leaving the question of Cordelia out of it for the time being, it leaves us with Darla and Buffy. Darla was

an obsession of Angelus, whatever feelings he had harbored for her were rooted in darkness, and whatever

they were, it wasn't love. Angel told me so himself, without a soul, love was something he was incapable

of. Then we have Buffy. In over two-hundred years, that I know of, he loved that one woman. When he

came back from hell, Giles told me that he was like an animal, Buffy kept his return a secret at first and had

been taking care of Angel herself. From what we have come to know of hell, not from Angel's experience

necessarily, the beings that arrive there forget everything, they are stripped from any identity they once had,physical torture aside, their mind is invaded and destroyed in ways we can't begin to imagine. And as time

moves differently there than it is on earth, since Buffy had sent him there and by the time Angel got out, he

had been there for hundreds of years."

Wesley paused as he saw Fred flinch involuntarily and wrap her arms around herself. He also noted the

expression in Gunn's eyes was similar to hers. They obviously never knew anything about that.

"Why he came back, we still don't know," he soon resumed his speech. "Only given the fact he has a muchbigger destiny, we can assume the Powers were involved in getting him out. But after he came back... he

didn't remember anything. Probably didn't know even his own name. But he knew enough to, only days

following his return, break from the chains Buffy had put him in herself, track her down across Sunnydale

and rescue her from a monster she was fighting. Buffy later told that to Giles, I only know about it because

I read his diaries after the Council transferred Buffy over to my responsibility. Now that I think about it,

maybe I had no right to read some of what was written there, because the way she confided in Giles was

not common between Slayers and their Watchers, their relationship transcended that by far. According to

the written there, that night he said her name for the first time and collapsed in her arms, crying. It was thefirst time since his return that he showed emotion, any emotion. And Buffy never told him her name." He

paused again, to give a little thought to what he was about to say next. "Back then, I wasn't something to

write home about, personality-wise, so I never understood things I take now for granted. I was wrong."

"I think we all were," Fred admitted softly, then sighed. "I can't believe I pushed him towards Cordelia. I-I

mean, I didn't know... all about Buffy. I remember when Cordy told him she was alive, he just disappeared,

in a flash. One moment he was there, the next he wasn't. I should have known."

"The bite marks on her neck," Gunn gestured at his own as he brought that up, "they're his, aren't they? I

asked you the last time she was here why a Slayer with her rep had bite marks, you never told me, you said

you didn't know. But you told me once Angel was poisoned by Faith, with the only cure being Slayer's

blood. Should have put two and two together, right?"

The Brit nodded. "Buffy... he was weak, he was dying, I don't even know what she did to force him to bite

her. As I said, I didn't believe it at first, I tried to come up with dozens of explanations as to why they

would be involved. A vampire and a Slayer, it was inconceivable for me to understand they simply lovedeach other. Or how much."

"Well, I'm pretty sure we'll soon experience it first-hand," Gunn pointed, as the three of them turned

simultaneously to look at Angel's office.

Nobody said anything else, until suddenly Fred spoke up, "But what about Spike?"


13/54

next

Part Three

"But what about Spike?"

Sometimes being a ghost - or whatever he was, 'ghost' just being a simpler way to put into words what

others including himself couldn't quite understand yet - actually had a bright side to it as well. There was

seeing but remaining unseen; hearing but possessing the ability to make no sound. Spike wasn't in the leastinterested in putting these qualifications into use, in fact, he was more than eager to get rid of the entire gift

package all together. But even he had to admit that sometimes they came in handy. And sometimes... he

wished they hadn't existed at all. The perks of being a ghost, mixed and driven by a person's natural and

just as deadly sense of curiosity, had nothing good in store for him.

So that was how he found himself, standing just around the corner, eavesdropping on a conversation that

wasn't meant for his ears at all. But once he had heard the name 'Buffy', he could no longer turn away, andsince he knew no one would notice him if he stayed... he just stayed. Unheard and unseen, almost merging

with the wall while his mind drifted too much to maintain a visible form, Spike stood, and listened.

Angel's friends, they were talking about Buffy. At first, he didn't even understand why they would be

talking about her to begin with until he heard Angel's name as well. They weren't talking about Buffy, they

were talking about Buffy and Angel. As a couple. Could it be they knew what was going on, that Angel had

stayed in touch with the Slayer even though he had told them he hadn't?

Spike soon dismissed that theory, he knew many people who could keep a secret or two from the people

closest to them only too well, but none as well as his grandsire, or for that matter, the Slayer. With her heexperienced it personally one time, when he *was* the secret. But Angel... for as long as he knew him, soul

or no soul, there was a whole world inside him unattainable for anyone unless granted access by the

vampire himself, which if at all, very seldom happened. No matter how anyone tried, they could neverreally know what was hidden within him. In so many aspects, Angel was the perfect actor as over the years,

he honed his ability to brood and perfected it into an art. He could turn to stone on the emotional level even

when stricken by the worst. Spike sometimes envied him for that as he himself could never do that. No one

could hide the truth better than Angel. No one could fake better than him. If he wanted something

nonexistent, he made it that way. Spike had heard his share of stories of how Angel had changed over thepast few years, after all, vampires were talking, too. But Spike knew Angel better than they all did, and he

knew some things were unchangeable. No, his friends didn't know anything, they couldn't have.

Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, was not only invincible, he was impenetrable - that's why he was

invincible. Nothing could hurt him because if he wanted to, nothing could touch him, and Spike was never

like that. Spike had seen a lot of evil in his long life that surpassed his own by far, but though he'd seen

stronger and more powerful monsters walking the earth, none of them was as cruel and ruthless as Angelus.

The Master himself knew that, too, and though Spike knew Angelus had once turned against him, stealinghis mate in the process, the Master wanted him and no other to sit at his right hand during the comingApocalypse. One of the main sources to his power was the ability to, no matter what, be impervious. Some

could attribute having no emotions to having no soul, but Spike knew better. There was a time when he had

no soul, too, so no, it wasn't just about that. And Angel, the ensouled, carried that ability to contain

everything behind brick walls into his new life as well. Angel was a survivor on his own, which was

something Spike never was. Angel was better with his friends around him, Angelus was better with Darla,

but he was able to stand strong and last without them as well, after all, for almost a century, he'd proven

that. Spike remembered how he had once told Buffy the first thing he did after becoming a vampire was get

himself a gang. That was not entirely true because he only joined an already existent very powerful family,


14/54

but the general idea still stood - he was no good on his own. Without Drusilla, and an all-around worthless

gang of followers that was available, Spike was nothing, as he had said so once to Buffy himself.

They had something in common, Angel and he - a large portion of their strength lay in the peoplesurrounding them. The real question was, what would they be once they were on their own? Spike dreaded

to ask it, while Angel, knowing it was the scariest thing out there, had to deal with it. Buffy was for so long

the source of Angel's strength and Spike knew it. It was one of the reasons why he had wanted her so bad,before he fell in love with her. He craved for a taste of that strength, that power that was given to Angel

unconditionally. He had never realized that in so many ways, they were feeding each other. That it wasn't

about power, but about vulnerability, that she was the first person in centuries to break through that brick

wall. Buffy never gave Spike power, though she made him vulnerable. He never received anything from

her because she didn't need him back. What he got from that was an occasional empty rush on his own

expense. Oh yeah, and a soul.

Angel had been granted his soul back as a punishment, he hadn't seen it coming, he was rejected by Darla

and remaining all alone, wandered for decades without doing anything with his life until he had hit rock

bottom. But he had survived. Spike received his soul after having endured inconceivable trials only to

impress a woman that never loved him back. His history was full of similar actions - of powerful women

for whom he would do anything, and receive nothing in return, but he never learned, and that one topped

them all. Without Buffy to help him, he would have never made it through the first *weeks*.

Spike envied Angel because of all those things and more, and whatever got him Buffy - he envied him forit, too.

And now Buffy was here, in Angel's office, with Angel, right now as he was standing there and

eavesdropping on his friends. She came back to him, to Angel. That moment, Spike realized he was wrong

thinking Angel was intentionally keeping his existence out of Buffy's knowledge. The thought had

probably crossed the older vampire's mind one time or the other, but in truth - he just didn't know how to

tell her. Angel knew that keeping Spike a secret was never an option because losing Buffy was never one.He was less threatened by him than Spike had thought.

Now, he had a different place to haunt...

What he saw there was the last thing he'd expected, finding the vampire casually seating on the large sofa

in his office and the Slayer, with her jacket and shoes off, occupying his lap. Spike didn't know that only

about half an hour before he arrived in Angel's office, Slayer and vampire were engaged in a typically

dramatic reunion, having nothing to do with what they were discussing now, he didn't know becausenothing about them or the atmosphere in the room could imply that. Not a single note of sadness was

perceptible in either of their voices as they spoke or in their eyes. On the contrary, the emotions radiating

from them were those of comfort and normality, of peace. Now, they were simply sitting together and

talking, and they didn't appear to be a couple that had recently gotten back together, as Spike had learned

from the conversation he'd listened in on earlier, but a couple that had never broken up...

"I don't know, Angel, I just don't think its right. The more I think about it, the less right it seems."

"Buffy, I I don't really think it's your decision to make. Let's put it straight out, it's not exactly your

business."

The Slayer rolled her eyes dramatically and shifted a bit in the vampire's lap to make herself more

comfortable. "Well as I'm sure you already know, when the people I love are involved, I sort of tend to

make it my business." Her brow furrowed slightly as the realization of what she'd just said sunk in and she


15/54

added, "Except for the part where I'm having trouble remembering the exact time Faith started to fall into

that category."

Angel laughed at that and Buffy couldn't help but smile as well. "But still, it's Faith's life. And she's a biggirl, if I know her the way I think I do, she is more than capable of taking care of herself. Also, remember

that it's not really easy for her to trust people, she doesn't just trust anybody-"

"Angel, that's just it! He's not just anybody. He put these ideas into her head, that she's missing out on stuff

because she doesn't open up to people-"

Now it was his turn to cut her off. "Well, has it ever crossed your mind that he might be right?"

Buffy pouted, bringing out her most irresistible face as far as Angel was concerned. He looked away with a

sigh and her orbs sparked with a mischievous grin. "It's just that its way more complicated than that," she

explained, trying to conjure up her most serious tone.

"You told me-"

"Did I tell you what he did to Spike?"

Angel sighed, "Alright, I see your point. But I happen to see his point, too."

"Angel, I don't know. Maybe I have this weakness for ensouled vampires, call it however you want it to.

But even if we put the fact he was trying to hurt the soul when he should be punishing the demon aside for

the sake of argument, it was neither the time nor the place to play vengeance, he should have known better.

And I'm sure you can come up with at least a dozen justifications for his actions, and Spike could, too,

which is why he didn't kill him."

He considered that for a moment. "But what does it have to do with Faith?"

"Nothing specific, it was just an example to prove why he's not the type of guy in whose hands I would

entrust my friend. He's got this thing for Slayers. Probably because his mom was one, he told me once Ireminded him of her and I took it as a compliment, but"

"But what?" he probed, seeing she had trouble finding the words.

"I don't really think it was, in the long run. Before Faith, the center of his so-called obsession was me. I

can't help thinking the only reason he's with Faith to begin with is because she is a Slayer."

"Maybe. Maybe he does love her," he offered.

She just looked at him skeptically. "Somehow I don't really think that's the case. See, Faith only had two

men in probably her entire life, that cared about her without wanting something in return, and not because

she was special, but because she was Faith. You and Wes. With Wes it was strictly in the Watcher capacity,and with you, well let's just say *she* wanted something."

The vampire shrugged, skillfully pretending to have missed his girlfriend's not so subtle implication.

"Maybe that's what she wants now. A relationship, someone to just be there for her"

"So she could remind him of mommy?" the blonde suggested bitingly.

"A boyfriend, Buffy," he patiently corrected her. "Just a boyfriend, of the old fashioned kind."


16/54

"Yeah, well there are all sorts of kinds out there, believe me, I know. World's full of the wrong ones. But

while we're on the subject," she wound her arms around his middle, nestling closer to rest her head on his

chest, "she can't have mine, just for the record, because been there, done that, and this time around you're

officially unsharable."

Angel grinned and planted a kiss on her skull. He took a moment to get rid of the bitterness that followed

the brief feeling he had had she brought Riley up. He couldn't help it, he realized. He wondered if he shouldfeel more secure and just let things develop on their own. She was his girl now, he was sure of that, no one

could take her away, and still he was unable to shake off the memories of the times when she wasn't.

"I just think you should let them be, Buffy. I can understand you're worried, but you also may be wrong

about him. There is so much more to Faith than being a Slayer, just like there is to you, she just happens to

be very good in hiding it. He'd have to be blind not to see that."

She exhaled, "I know there is. Ever since she came back, you know from jail, I could barely recognize

her at first, and there is such a distinct difference between this Faith and the Faith from Sunnydale years

ago. Over the past few months we became really close, I never thought we could be, I mean"

"I did," he flashed her a dazzling I-told-you-so smile.

"Yeah," she smiled, too, "you had more faith in her, no pun intended, than anyone else, including me. But

this is it, Angel, that's why I'm worried. I'm afraid he's going to hurt her. I mean, there's finally this person,

and he made her open up and give him a chance, and what if she's just gonna find out one day he's not the

guy she thought he was? I don't wanna see that happen to her with the first guy she's come to trust, that's

all. As I said, first two don't count," she glanced at him pointedly.

Angel didn't say anything for a while, then asked, "Did you talk to her about it?"

"Well yeah," the Slayer looked down into her lap and Angel could clearly feel her tension rising.

"And?" he still decided to press a bit more.

"And she got angry and told me to butt out. Which I can't really blame her for, coming to think of it,"

the blonde considered momentary, then added, "Later that night, she came to my room and we sort of did

the mutual apologizing thing. Then we talked some more, during which, being well, Faith, she put the cards

right there on the table, she tried to knock sense into *me* by basically saying that not everything in theworld was about reason. She kinda said that until I didn't pull myself together, stopped moping around and

got my own guy back, I really wasn't in the position to lecture to her about love and relationship."

"Oh so I should be thanking Faith now?" Angel teased.

Buffy giggled and punched his stomach playfully. "Faith helped," she said, and let out a small yawn when

she replaced her head back on his chest.

"Tired?"

"A little," she confessed. "Jetlag from England is well jetlag from England."

"Maybe you should rest a bit," he then suggested thoughtfully. "Where are you staying?"

"Motel"


17/54

"A motel?" his eyes grew large for a second as he echoed her words, causing the Slayer to suppress a

giggle. "Jesus, Buffy come on," he started standing up, urging her to do the same.

Reluctantly, she pushed herself off of him and stretched. "Where are you going?"

"We are going," he stressed, and she could detect the traces of what she suspected to be anger in his voice.

"We're going to your motel, then we're taking your stuff, then we're moving them to my apartment. Andthen maybe you can explain to me why you're choosing to stay in some sleazy motel room when even if

weren't together, you should know better than thinking I couldn't find you a decent place."

"How do you know it's sleazy?" she asked.

"In my line of work, I visit these places quite often, it's funny how all the lowlife population of LA, demons

or others, can be found there. And even if the rooms are livable, which they usually aren't, the motels in this

area don't exactly have high standards when it comes to do with the people, not as a rule, staying in them."

"Why, honey, thank you," she joked.

The vampire shot her a look that only made her smile, "Thank you," she said.

Angel sighed and grabbed his keys as he passed by his desk. "Come on," he grabbed her hand and led her

to the door, "I'll tell Harmony I'm taking a couple of hours off."

"Harmony?"

"So you like it?"

Buffy surveyed the apartment again, taking everything in. Yes, she liked it, she loved it. She even saw

herself living here and the thought alone - of sharing an apartment with Angel, like a normal couple,

warmed her allover and almost made her smile. Almost. When she was younger and Angel had that tiny

basement which was only a short walking distance from the Bronze was good enough. But she couldn't

help but think back to her days when she was the poster girl for cheerleading; she knew that she wouldn't

have looked twice at the guy living in there because it was way beneath her usual 'standards'. But as time

went by, this small voice faded off and was never heard from again. Instead, she has come to realize just

how 'Angel' the little one-room apartment was. No, she didn't know much about Angelus then or what hehad been back in his days, but from what she could assemble, he loved luxury and as much of it as he could

come by. But Angel wasn't Angelus. Angel had a tiny apartment with his drawings on the walls and various

artifacts and books piled up on shelves and even the floor, a desk, a bed and a small fridge, some random

furniture and one little window for minimum sunlight. And this tiny apartment was the only place she

would go to when she was scared, the only real place where she felt truly safe. Because it was Angel's, and

at seventeen, everything that was Angel's - was home.

And now she was standing in the middle of if not the most luxurious apartment she had ever seen, then

definitely close second, and all she could think of was - was *that* truly Angel? She never thought Angel

was poor. He could very well hold his own financially even when he had lived in Sunnydale and she knew

he never worked, so the money must have remained from his days as Angelus and there must have been

quite a lot of it. But she knew not a penny of it was invested in this apartment, it all came from

Wolfram&Hart. So was that really Angel? She had never wholeheartedly agreed with the mission he had

taken upon himself when he'd accepted Wolfram&Hart to run, but she had never told him, she had never

found the right time or whatever other reason she could come up with so she could stall. She didn't want to

stand by and watch how it corrupted him, she loved him too much for that. It was another reason why she

had left, another thing she had to 'think about'.


18/54

The Slayer inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent that filed the apartment. It was Angel's scent, she

recognized it immediately. And surprisingly, it, too, was home, the vampire standing next to her made it

that way by his presence only. But there were no paintings on the walls, no statues she couldn't always

explain what they were, no artwork she always thought her mother would love to get her hands on. One of

the things she loved about Angel was the simplicity of him, and now she was asking herself whether shereally knew him well enough? Was what she was seeing now always a part of him that was just hidden

away or was it something new that he had recently acquired? What else was she going to find out abouthim?

"Yeah," she said, attempting to sound convincing, which wasn't that hard because she did like it. It was

other things that bothered her... "It's great. It's... great."

Her boyfriend gave her a strange look, instantly knowing she was holding something back. "You sure?"

"Sure," she grinned, then she sobered, "It's not that Angel, there is something I wanna talk to you about, but

I can do that later."

"Okay," he gave in. "I guess you're tired anyway, I'll just..." he picked up her two suitcases and headed into

the bedroom, with Buffy in tow. "I'll leave your stuff here. You'll find your way around pretty easily, if you

get hungry, there should be something in the fridge, but if you want something else, you can order in or ifyou wanna go shopping..." he started fishing for his wallet, but the Slayer touched his hand, making himlook at her. "I do have money, Angel." Noticing he was slightly taken aback by that comment, she sighed

and quickly amended, "I'll be sleeping most of the time anyway. Jetlag, remember?"

He stared at her for a moment then offered a weak nod, "Right. Ahm... are you sure you don't want me to

stay?"

"No, it's okay," she assured him, her smile growing more honest even though now she was flat out lying.

She wanted him to stay. "I told you, I'd be asleep anyway. B-but I'll... see you tonight, right?"

He grinned. "Well, I do still live here."

"You do," she realized how very little sense her question actually made.

"So... I should go," he noted, starting back towards the door.

"Angel," Buffy caught up with him soon and laid a hand on his arm, causing him to stop and turn around. "I

just wanted to say-"

"I'm glad you're here," he smiled, gently brushing his lips over hers.

"Yeah," she beamed as she reluctantly pulled back, "I wanted to say that. I'll see you tonight."

"Count on it," he flashed her a last smile before the door closed behind him.

The blonde Slayer stared at the door for another long minute before returning to the bedroom. There, she

opened one suitcase and retrieved a pile of clothes. Deciding to do the real unpacking later, she headed to

the shower.

After half an hour that felt like much much longer, and longer it would have been, had she been any lesstired, with her hair pulled up and wrapped in a smaller version of the white fluffy towel that clad her body,


19/54

the Slayer stepped out of the shower. She made an instant mental note to add at least one mirror to that

bedroom, if it was going to become *their* bedroom from now on. She wasn't even thinking about

checking the rest of the apartment for mirrors as it would be in vain taking into account it belonged to a

vampire.

"Not like he'd never seen me first thing in the morning," she made a quick observation before loosening the

towel on her head, drying her hair and letting the blond locks cascade freely down her shoulders.Afterwards, she unfastened the large towel around her body and let it fall to the carpeted floor. She quickly

slipped into her underwear and was about to pull on a red T-shirt with a worn out Mickey print that was

hers since she was sixteen, when she suddenly changed her mind and dropped the shirt back on the bed.

Buffy considered her move for only another second before resolutely progressing towards Angel's closet

and opening it. She was a little surprised to find in it colors that weren't shades of black, gray or any otherfrom the darks family. A vague memory of the uncomfortable feeling that rose within her when she first

came here, briefly returned before it was gone. Maybe change was a much more pressing subject they

needed to discuss than she had thought.

Finally she settled on a light blue long-sleeved T-shirt of his and retrieved it from the shelf. Buffy slipped it

on, taking a moment as she let his smell wash over her, and let out a small smile when the familiar

sensation of home that had been following her since she had set foot in this apartment grew just a littlestronger.

The Slayer walked back to the bed and dived under the covers. She stretched and sighed, a sigh that

dissolved into a purr as she snuggled deeper into the soft bed, once again inhaling his familiar smell that

clung to the covers making it almost as though he was there in person. She closed her eyes.

"Feeling right at home, aren't you, love?"

next

Part Four

"Spike?" Buffy asked, startled as her eyes flew open at the sound of the familiar voice. She bolted up in

bed, instinctively pulling the covers over her chest even before she realized what she was doing, or the fact

that she had nothing to cover up.

But of course, he noticed, "Suddenly shy, aren't we, Slayer?" His eyes calmly skimmed over her. "In a

flesh," he confirmed dryly, "Maybe not that much flesh."

She gulped and nodded, not really knowing what to say at a time like this.

"You look good, Buffy," he observed, doing the talking for both of them. "And you're probably asking

yourself what I'm doing here. But you don't look surprised, which means you already knew I was here, so

what can I say... just popped by to say hello."

The Slayer nodded. "I don't really know what to say."


20/54

"Nah, consider me over it," he chuckled, motioning with one hand at the bed she was sitting on, indicating

he was referring to her recently renewed relationship with his grandsire. "Great Poof wins it all." He sighed,

his lips slightly curving in the remotest resemblance to a bitter smile, "There was a time I... but that's not

important anymore. Funny thing though, when I took off for my little get-a-soul trip, all I could think about

was you getting what you deserved. It wasn't just the soul that made the difference though, was it?"

She weakly shook her head, her eyes speaking volumes when words simply weren't necessary.

"Thank you, for saying you loved me." He had to curb the need to laugh at the astonished expression that

seemed to have materialized on her face out of nowhere. "Back then, I knew you didn't mean it, even then, I

knew. But thank you for saying it."

"You're welcome," she mumbled, battling an inner urge to avert her eyes. It wasn't so much that she didn't

think she had anything to be ashamed of in loving Angel, she just couldn't allow herself to turn away from

Spike now. They were finally having a moment of truth, or in their case - the closest thing to it, and she

would look him in the eye. She owed him at least that.

"You mind if I-" he gestured towards the bed, silently asking if he could sit down. At her nod, he did,

keeping her at arm's length at least. There had once been a time when all he had wanted was for that girl,

that woman, to be as close to him as was physically possible. Not anymore though. He wasn't angry withher, how could he be, nor had he any right too. No, Spike didn't like being played, not in the least, but wholike him knew what it meant to be a victim of love. Was it really her fault that her love was never... him?

She just didn't belong to him anymore. Not that deep inside he ever believed she did, but back then, when

she was willing to give him at least her body if not her soul, it was simpler. It always was when there were

no emotions involved, he thought sadly.

"I never meant to hurt you, Spike," he heard her say and looked up at her face. The two green orbs that

stared back at him were honest - completely, an honestly the kind of which he very seldom saw in her. "I'mnot saying it to justify what I did, I don't think I... need to, I'm just saying it so you know."

"I know," he nodded. "But you did. But I don't hate you or anything," he chuckled softly. "I can't. With all

the times I was making fun of your all-American GI Joe of a boyfriend, never thought I'd wind up walking

in his shoes."

"I never wanted it to work out this way."

"Oh yeah?" he didn't believe her. Why should he? "How did you want it to work out then?"

She sighed and pulled her legs up to her chest. "I don't know."

"Yeah," he breathed, "well, let me tell you a little story, pet. Once upon a time, there was a little town

called Sunnyhell. Sunnyhell was a badass place with badass demons in it, so a girl came, to fight them.

Soon an interesting thing happened. Girl met boy, girl didn't know boy was a vampire, but soon she foundout, and what a vampire he was! All tortured and soul and pain and you name it, another destiny-screwed-

up do-gooder. Ah! But that was too late, because girl already fell for boy, boy's not being too shy either andbefore you know it, they're playing Shakespeare in girl's back yard, her mom *really* didn't like him. But

when boy gets sense knocked into him and leaves, no other poor fellow suddenly stands a chance with the

girl." He eyed her seriously for a long while before speaking again. Spike abruptly subconsciously realized

he was trying to search her eyes for the smallest sign of remorse. There was none. He sighed, defeated.

"Problem is, love, that I happened to overhear your little revelation back then in the graveyard. Are you

honestly going to tell me now you ever saw anyone but my grandsire in your future?"


21/54

"No," she confirmed quietly, having nothing else to say at the point. She was tired of lying, too tired. It was

a part of her life she more than anything wanted to leave behind. "It's not that simple."

"Feels that way."

"Spike, I-" she groaned, frustrated, combing her hand through her hair. "If you so kindly heard what Angel

and I were talking about, I'm sure you also heard I wasn't planning on getting back together with himanytime soon. Hell, I didn't know what tomorrow had in store for me, let alone months or years from now!"

She was growing more agitated with every word and she was sure Spike had noticed that by now. Telling

the truth was never easy, especially when she wasn't entirely convinced she knew what the truth was. No,

she never saw anyone but Angel in her future, but nor had she wanted to hurt Spike. How could she explain

two things that clearly collided with each other? "I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know

that my own decision, my own move would change my life so drastically and would give me the drive andthe freedom to make the choices I hadn't been able to make for years because in so many ways I wasn't

allowed to, I wasn't ready. When I did what I did, I opened a world of possibilities for me, Spike. I never

thought... it'd be so soon."

"So when did he decide to tell you that I was here?" the vampire asked, trying to sound as indifferent as he

could in regard to a question he wanted to ask ever since he had made his presence known to her.

The Slayer quirked a brow. "Rule number one. You wanna be angry with me, Spike, that's fine. I can takeit. But leave Angel out of it, this is between you and me-"

"Like hell, it is!" he exclaimed, but at her stern look contained himself and he inhaled a sharp breath. "Fine.

Play it your way, your honey is clean."

"Look," she tossed back a lock of blond hair with a swift motion of her hand, which Spike knew meant she

wasn't too happy with his behavior. Well, tough, he decided. "There is something you need to know here. I

don't know why I'm even telling you this, but you really need to know. After you- when we left Sunnydale,or what was left of it, we had nowhere to go. We went to LA, and Angel took us all in, that would be me,

Dawn, Giles, Willow, Xander, Faith, Andrew, Robin and over a dozen new Slayers-"

"How noble of him," Spike cut in, inwardly cursing for having sounded a lot more mocking than he'd

intended to.

"Spike, shut up for as second," Buffy held up a hand and rolled her eyes, pointedly conveying the clear

message it was the last time she was going to be interrupted. Starting now, they were going to have anormal grown-up conversation, and she'd be damned if she let him ruin it. "It isn't about being noble. He

knew better than that, we - or I, for that matter, didn't come here to stay. Actually, we were moving on the

same day. The Slayers were given a choice, whoever wanted to stay, stayed, the rest, together with all of us,

boarded a plane to England the same night. Angel and I didn't get back together, for reasons that are really

none of your business, to be honest. Just that we didn't. It's true that I didn't leave before I laid all my

feelings towards him out in the open once and for all, it's true that I told him what I did and what it meant

for me, and for us. But none of it changed anything. We didn't get back together that day. We didn't until...

today, actually," she finished quietly, looking down from the bleached vampire.

"Angel and I were never simple," Buffy continued, seemingly now speaking to herself, but Spike knew

otherwise. "And there was a time I thought it would change, once I had control over my life, once I had all

the choices I couldn't make before on the palm of my hand. It didn't. We just found ourselves facing new

obstacles. It appeared that I needed months to convince me I couldn't let this chance slip through my fingers

like so many others before it did. Whether I liked it or not, it was the one, it was our first real chance to be

together like we always wanted to. I couldn't let it pass."


22/54

"So you come running back to your high-school sweetheart," the vampire commented derisively.

"You know better than that," she dismissed, not in the defensive tone that he'd expected her to reply with.

Ultimately, even Spike had to come to terms with that maybe the mature conversation she'd mentionedearlier might bring better results. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"If I hadn't, you know... would you've still gone back to him?"

She held his gaze steadily as she answered, "Guess we'll never know that."

He rolled his eyes, "Buffy, just don't bleedin' give me that!"

"No!" she interrupted him. "You asked me a question, deal with the answer. You said you heard Angel and

me in the cemetery, so fine. That means you know we would have been together eventually, no matter

what. But to tell you whether I would have come back to him if things were different as early as I did -

well, I can't tell you that, because I have no idea. And frankly, I never even thought about it."

He nodded solemnly, turning away. "Alright. So what's it gonna be now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You never answered my question. When did he tell you?" he clarified patiently.

"He didn't tell me. He didn't have to, when I came here, I already knew. It's actually one of the reasons I

came here. I am- *we* are going to help you."

"Oh, that's just bloody perfect!" he laughed. "As if getting dumped doesn't cut it, now I got my ex and her

no-longer ex making me their weekly charity case!"

Buffy didn't flinch, she just looked at him, hard. Her voice was low and flat as she spoke, "Spike. We are

going to help you, Angel and me. Whether you like it or not, we really don't care. Because that's what wedo, we help people." He didn't say anything for a while, so she let out a sigh and lay back down, drawing

the covers over her shoulders. "I'm tired. So if it's okay with you, can we fight the rest of it some other

time?"

Spike stood up and without a word, dissolved through the wall.

Buffy closed her eyes and in a matter of minutes, was fast asleep.

"You're going home?"

Angel spun around only to find Wesley standing at the doorway to his office. "Yeah," he said and resumed

searching for his keys. He couldn't believe he'd lost them in the first place, but that was to be expected

considering the day he'd had. Nothing happened except for Buffy's arrival that day - literally, nothing.

Sitting all day in the office almost drove him insane, he was practically praying for some demon - no matterwhat kind - to crash through his window and even for the few minutes it'd take him to kill it, make this day

worthwhile.


23/54

Of course, there was the brooding, but with Buffy back and the burden of Spike's return being kept from

her no longer on his conscience, there was suddenly less to brood about. That and the fact he was brooding

nowadays much less than he used to. Also, Spike didn't make an appearance today as well, it still kept

Angel wondering and he didn't like being kept in the dark. Whatever the reason for Spike's recent absence,

he very much wanted to know it. No, he still wouldn't admit he was concerned about his grandchilde, butthe fact that Buffy was now back and that Buffy was now strictly *his* Buffy, only added more fuel to the

fire. Spike's disappearance must have had to do with that, or at least partly. Then again, wouldn't Angel'soffice be the *first* place he'd go to once Spike found out Buffy was there? But for whatever reason -

obviously not.

It was past eight now and all he wanted was to call it a day and go home. Hell, he'd have gone home much

earlier, had he not known the Slayer was asleep anyway, which only drove him to find other things to

occupy himself with even when there weren't any. He wound up spending the day with his nose in various

Wolfram&Hart files, reading up on what now were his clients. His car keys were probably buried deep inone of those

"It's different when you have someone waiting for you, isn't it?" his friend asked again from the door.

Angel stopped his search and turned around to face Wesley. After a momentary pause, he said, "Yeah. I

guess it is."

The former Watcher offered a weak knowing smile.

But there was something the vampire wanted to know first, "Did you tell them?"

Wesley nodded. "Yes, I did. I suppose the real question should probably be why you didn't."

Angel completely gave up finding anything in the infinite clutter that now covered his desk and with a sigh,landed in his leather armchair. The second he did, he felt something sharp underneath him and pulled it out.

"Great," he muttered, pocketing his keys. He gazed back at his best friend. "Aren't you angry I didn't also

tell you?"

He emitted a short laugh, "I knew something wasn't quite right. I also knew you weren't the kind to want to

talk about it, unless you wanted to talk about it, so I didn't push. Buffy's return didn't come to me half as

surprising as I thought it would."

The vampire nodded. "So what did they say?"

"Well, *they* were surprised," Wesley observed thoughtfully, "I think Fred was a little hurt."

"Why?"

"Well, Cordelia, for one-"

"Cordelia?" Angel narrowed his eyes then opened them again, letting it sink in, "Wes, why- look, Cordy is

important to me. I know that- well, once I thought, we could have something I don't even know what

anymore. I don't even know why I thought never mind," he waved it off. "But that's all there is to it.

She's family, Wes, I love her like a family, not like not like I love Buffy. Even then, I could never love

her like I love Buffy."

"I know," Wesley nodded in agreement. "That's one of the reasons I'm not surprised. To be frank with you,I never understood what drew you to Cordelia in the first place. I've come to know her over the years as a

wonderful person, Angel, but Anyway," he dismissed that thought with a wave of his hand. "You forget


24/54

that neither Gunn, nor Fred are aware of your past relationship with Buffy. It comes out rather as a shock

for them. Especially given what they know about your special circumstances," he finished pointedly, so

the vampire knew exactly what he was talking about.

"My curse?" he asked anyway.

"Well, if you insist on saying it."

"Wes, we all know that as far as Buffy's concerned, my soul is safe. There's no chance perfect happiness

can break the curse, everybody's safe."

"Unless something else breaks it," Wesley noted.

"Well, that danger has always been there, Wes, there's nothing either of us can do about it, and it certainly

has nothing to do with Buffy and I, or our relationship, so if you don't mind"

"I'm not here to judge you, Angel," the former Watcher held up his hand in protest. "You're a grown up

man, for heaven's sake, I'm sure you know what's right for you. I only said that so you'll understand why

they have concerns."

"I don't care why they have concerns, Wes, that's the point you're missing," Angel rose to his feet and

grabbed his coat from the desk. "It's my life, and as my friends I expect them to be happy for me."

"They are."

"So what's the problem?"

Wesley sighed, taking a moment to search for the perfect way to say what he wanted to. "You have always

had one weakness that stood above all others, and said weakness, I think we can both agree, is Buffy.

They're worried-"

"They?"

"Gunn mostly."

"Well, then maybe you should have enlightened him," Angel snapped, brushing past the former Watcher

out of the office. After making only a short distance, he abruptly stopped and turned around. "Wes, I'm

sorry, I'm just not going to deal with Gunn or anyone else. Buffy and I are going to work things out, we're

going to try and have the closest thing to a normal relationship we can, and the last thing I need is people I

care for to get in my way. Alright? So let's leave it at that. You can tell that to Gunn, and Fred for that

matter. If they have any further questions, they can come to me personally. Now, I'm going home, to Buffy.

Good night."

"Good night," Wesley quietly said to the vampire's retreating form.

When Angel entered his apartment, he found all the lights off and not a sound reached his ears to tell him

someone was even there. But soon a smile tugged at his lips when the mellow fragrance of her perfume

reached his nose to prove to him once and for all it wasn't the case. He wouldn't be coming home to find it

empty anymore. He wouldn't be falling asleep alone either.


25/54

He removed his coat and left it in the living room, stealthily progressing towards the bedroom, doing his

best to not wake her up, if she were still asleep. When he entered the dark room, he found her just as he'd

expected to - fast asleep, curled up under the covers on his king-sized bed. He grabbed fresh boxers from

the closet and disappeared inside the bathroom.

After a brief and quiet shower, Angel was back. He was half-relieved at first to find her still asleep,

thinking the noise of the running water would have woken her up by now. The other half, the more selfishone, wished she were awake. He inwardly discussed how tired she must be to be asleep for so long, but the

tiny smile he descried playing in the corners of her mouth warmed him with a feeling there must be more to

it than that.

Without further hesitation, he slipped under the covers behind her and at once she revolved, not even

opening her eyes but tightly wrapping her tiny arms around his midsection in such aware possessiveness, itmight have given him the impression she was wide awake all along, had her mellow breathing not been

there to prove otherwise. Angel hugged her to him and placed a soft kiss on the exposed flesh of her

shoulder that protruded from a familiar oversized shirt that definitely wasn't hers. He placed a second kiss

in the curve of her neck and closed his eyes.

They had tomorrow.

next

Part Five

The morning after, Angel woke up in the way he had least expected - alone.

His eyes hesitantly scanned the room in search for her things, as if to reassure himself they were really

there, or rather - still there, before he even grasped what he was doing. And still, a breath of relief escaped

his lips when he found her still unpacked bags on the floor exactly where she'd left them. The vampire

rubbed the sleep from his eyes and combed his hand through his slightly disheveled hair, subconsciously

expelling any disturbing thoughts before they even had a chance to take form, and climbed off the bed.

Skipping the shower, he headed straight to the living room.

He found her there, just as he had thought he would. She was standing by the large windows, cradling a

steaming cup of coffee in her hands, which she had obviously completely forgotten about even though it

was only inches from her lips. He could tell that the Slayer was deep in thought. The only problem was that

mind reading was not a gift he was blessed with, and the bond that they had shared since years ago when

they had first met still had to be worked on some more. Her blond hair, neatly combed, was loose down her

shoulders, glistening in the sun like it was woven wi

end of the road to eternity

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