Emotional Leadership:Managing Conflict Ripples

Erik Thompson, MAThompson Leadership Development, Inc

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IT M

NY BankCEO

SVP

HR

Florida FirmCEO Founder

HR

Manager

Kansas Factory

HR

PM

PM

NH Construction CompanyCEO

Former Owner

SVP

Conflict Ripples

HR

My Goal Today

• To help you function as a emotional maturity leader in your organization by:– Thinking bigger and clearer about relationship

challenges– Promoting accountability for EM– Coaching employees to manage relationship

challenges and conflicts in a way that builds teams.

Not My Goal Today

• Provide easy answers to complex problems

• Quick and dirty “advice”• Dumb down the subject

– Techniques without poise fail– Techniques without new thinking fail

• Understate the importance of self-awareness

Thinking Bigger and Clearer About Relationship

Challenges

Gun Barrel Vision

Able to see reciprocity

Wide Angle Lens

Emotional Poise

Emotional Reactivity

Wide Angle Lens

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http://German Tantrum

A

CBBlame

Triangling

More Triangling

D

Blame: “You are responsible for my experience.”

Triangling: Tension between two spreads to a third

Side Taking: The third blames one for the problem

Further Triangling

HR

HR

IT M

NY BankCEO

HR

Florida FirmCEO Founder

HR

Manager

Kansas Factory

SVP

HR

PM

PM

NH Construction CompanyCEO

Former Owner

Characteristics of the Emotional Leader

Emotional Immaturity1. Emotionally reactive2. Blame3. Triangle prone4. Quick to take sides

Emotional Leadership1. Emotionally poised

– Can reflect on mind states

2. Slow to Blame: – “I am responsible for my

experience.”

3. De-Triangling: – Can be amidst intensity

between two without jumping to take sides

4. Delivers accountability5. Impactful coaching

Emotionally poised

Which is the Alpha?

HR

IT M

NY BankCEO

HR

Florida FirmCEO Founder

HR

Manager

Kansas Factory

HR

PM

PM

NH Construction CompanyCEO

Former Owner

Delivering Accountability

A

CB

Leadership Promotes Responsible mindset

Coaching for EM