emily's speech over grieving

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Hi, I’m Emily Flinn from the Fort Cobb-Broxton Jr. 4-H club, and I’m here to visit with all of you about something to happens to all of us when we lose a loved one—the various stages in the grieving process: shock and denial; confusion; emotional release; anger; guilt; depression and isolation; and finally, recovery. Even though the stages in my grieving may have lasted longer or shorter than another person’s, the process is still basically the same. I am an expert on grieving since I had to experience it personally when my dad died two years ago on October 24, 2007. The first stage, shock and denial, occurs just as we find out our loved one has died. I remember when Aunt Carrie came over to tell my mom that Daddy was gone. I was in my room getting ready for bed when I first heard the news. I truly thought it was just a really bad dream with Mom and my brother and sister acting weird and crying. I kept saying, “No! No, not Dad. This has GOT to be a dream!” But it wasn’t. The next stage, confusion, is what happens when there are just too many thoughts going through our heads at once. For me, I was confused about what to wear to the funeral or when to go back to school. Should I hug Mom or just leave her alone? I couldn’t remember which chores were mine, chores that had been mine for years. This was a rough stage because it seemed to others that I just wasn’t being obedient when what was really going on was that I simply couldn’t figure out WHAT to do.

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Page 1: Emily's speech over grieving

Hi, I’m Emily Flinn from the Fort Cobb-Broxton Jr. 4-H club, and I’m here

to visit with all of you about something to happens to all of us when we lose a

loved one—the various stages in the grieving process: shock and denial;

confusion; emotional release; anger; guilt; depression and isolation; and finally,

recovery. Even though the stages in my grieving may have lasted longer or

shorter than another person’s, the process is still basically the same. I am an

expert on grieving since I had to experience it personally when my dad died two

years ago on October 24, 2007.

The first stage, shock and denial, occurs just as we find out our loved one

has died. I remember when Aunt Carrie came over to tell my mom that Daddy

was gone. I was in my room getting ready for bed when I first heard the news.

I truly thought it was just a really bad dream with Mom and my brother and

sister acting weird and crying. I kept saying, “No! No, not Dad. This has GOT to

be a dream!” But it wasn’t.

The next stage, confusion, is what happens when there are just too many

thoughts going through our heads at once. For me, I was confused about what

to wear to the funeral or when to go back to school. Should I hug Mom or just

leave her alone? I couldn’t remember which chores were mine, chores that had

been mine for years. This was a rough stage because it seemed to others that I

just wasn’t being obedient when what was really going on was that I simply

couldn’t figure out WHAT to do.

Page 2: Emily's speech over grieving

Emotional release is the third stage. This is exactly what it sounds like—a

release of emotions, usually by crying uncontrollably. Daddy’s birthday the

February following his death was especially hard for me. I had forgotten it was

his birthday and was perfectly fine until Grandma showed up at school to take

me for ice cream to celebrate Dad’s birthday. She thought it would cheer me up,

but it only reminded me that I had forgotten, FORGOTTEN! I couldn’t quit crying

even after she brought me back to school, so the school secretary had to call

Mom to come get me.

Anger and guilt, while referred to as two separate stages, often happen at

the same time. I was angry with myself and felt guilty for some of the things I’d

said to Dad right before he died. On the same token, I was mad at Mom

because she couldn’t take care of everything like she used to, yet I felt bad

because I knew I wasn’t doing enough to help her get through Dad dying.

Being sad all the time and not wanting to hang out with anyone are

characteristics of the next stage of grief—depression and isolation. I recall only

wanting to curl up with my cat and just sleep all the time. I missed Dad; I

missed Mom being normal; I missed our family being happy. When I was asleep,

I wasn’t missing anything. It seemed like my whole family was going through

this stage at the same time. During this time my house was very quiet.

Thankfully, after depression and isolation comes the final stage—recovery

and acceptance. In this stage I had finally accepted that Dad wasn’t coming

back home and I had to just get on about the business of living. At first I didn’t

Page 3: Emily's speech over grieving

even realize I’d finally moved on. One day I was outside playing with my cousin,

Britney. We were hunting for grasshoppers when the thought crossed my mind

that I used to do that for Daddy so we could have bait before he took me

fishing. I was struck by the realization that I wasn’t sad thinking about him, but

happy about the memory. What a relief to not have to turn off the faucet on my

waterworks!

While shock and denial, confusion, emotional release, anger, guilt,

depression, and recovery are common to everyone who grieves, each stage’s

timeline may vary from person-to-person. However, the important thing to

remember is that grief is part of the human experience and part of what makes

us all just that—humans.

Page 4: Emily's speech over grieving

Outline

I. Introduction

A. I’m Emily….

B. I’d like to visit with all of you about something that happens to all of us when we

lose a loved one—the various stages in the grieving process: shock and denial;

confusion; emotional release; anger; guilt; depression and isolation; and finally,

recovery.

C. Even though the stages may vary in length, the process is basically the same.

D. I am an expert because…

II. Shock and Denial

A. Definition

B. My own experience—Aunt Carrie telling us, Mom and everybody crying, me

feeling like it was just a dream

III. Confusion

A. Definition

B. My own experience—things I was confused about like what to do, when to do it

IV. Emotional Release

A. Definition

B. My own experience—Grandma coming to get me for ice cream and I

remembered that I’d forgotten Dad’s birthday, me crying uncontrollably, Mom

having to come get me from school.

Page 5: Emily's speech over grieving

V. Anger and Guilt

A. Definition and explanation of how they sometimes happen at the same time.

B. My own experience—things I felt angry and guilty about and who I was angry

with

VI. Depression and Isolation

A. Definition

B. My own experience—sleeping and missing Dad. How when I was asleep I wasn’t

missing anything; My family going through it at the same time; My quiet house.

VII. Recovery and Acceptance

A. Definition

B. My own experience—playing, hunting for grasshoppers, the memory of Dad

taking me fishing, being happy for the memory instead of sad.

VIII. Conclusion

A. Restate the seven stages of grief and how everyone experiences each stage on a

different timeline.

B. The important thing to remember is that grief is part of the human experience

and part of what makes us all just that—Humans.