emily's speech over grieving
TRANSCRIPT
Hi, I’m Emily Flinn from the Fort Cobb-Broxton Jr. 4-H club, and I’m here
to visit with all of you about something to happens to all of us when we lose a
loved one—the various stages in the grieving process: shock and denial;
confusion; emotional release; anger; guilt; depression and isolation; and finally,
recovery. Even though the stages in my grieving may have lasted longer or
shorter than another person’s, the process is still basically the same. I am an
expert on grieving since I had to experience it personally when my dad died two
years ago on October 24, 2007.
The first stage, shock and denial, occurs just as we find out our loved one
has died. I remember when Aunt Carrie came over to tell my mom that Daddy
was gone. I was in my room getting ready for bed when I first heard the news.
I truly thought it was just a really bad dream with Mom and my brother and
sister acting weird and crying. I kept saying, “No! No, not Dad. This has GOT to
be a dream!” But it wasn’t.
The next stage, confusion, is what happens when there are just too many
thoughts going through our heads at once. For me, I was confused about what
to wear to the funeral or when to go back to school. Should I hug Mom or just
leave her alone? I couldn’t remember which chores were mine, chores that had
been mine for years. This was a rough stage because it seemed to others that I
just wasn’t being obedient when what was really going on was that I simply
couldn’t figure out WHAT to do.
Emotional release is the third stage. This is exactly what it sounds like—a
release of emotions, usually by crying uncontrollably. Daddy’s birthday the
February following his death was especially hard for me. I had forgotten it was
his birthday and was perfectly fine until Grandma showed up at school to take
me for ice cream to celebrate Dad’s birthday. She thought it would cheer me up,
but it only reminded me that I had forgotten, FORGOTTEN! I couldn’t quit crying
even after she brought me back to school, so the school secretary had to call
Mom to come get me.
Anger and guilt, while referred to as two separate stages, often happen at
the same time. I was angry with myself and felt guilty for some of the things I’d
said to Dad right before he died. On the same token, I was mad at Mom
because she couldn’t take care of everything like she used to, yet I felt bad
because I knew I wasn’t doing enough to help her get through Dad dying.
Being sad all the time and not wanting to hang out with anyone are
characteristics of the next stage of grief—depression and isolation. I recall only
wanting to curl up with my cat and just sleep all the time. I missed Dad; I
missed Mom being normal; I missed our family being happy. When I was asleep,
I wasn’t missing anything. It seemed like my whole family was going through
this stage at the same time. During this time my house was very quiet.
Thankfully, after depression and isolation comes the final stage—recovery
and acceptance. In this stage I had finally accepted that Dad wasn’t coming
back home and I had to just get on about the business of living. At first I didn’t
even realize I’d finally moved on. One day I was outside playing with my cousin,
Britney. We were hunting for grasshoppers when the thought crossed my mind
that I used to do that for Daddy so we could have bait before he took me
fishing. I was struck by the realization that I wasn’t sad thinking about him, but
happy about the memory. What a relief to not have to turn off the faucet on my
waterworks!
While shock and denial, confusion, emotional release, anger, guilt,
depression, and recovery are common to everyone who grieves, each stage’s
timeline may vary from person-to-person. However, the important thing to
remember is that grief is part of the human experience and part of what makes
us all just that—humans.
Outline
I. Introduction
A. I’m Emily….
B. I’d like to visit with all of you about something that happens to all of us when we
lose a loved one—the various stages in the grieving process: shock and denial;
confusion; emotional release; anger; guilt; depression and isolation; and finally,
recovery.
C. Even though the stages may vary in length, the process is basically the same.
D. I am an expert because…
II. Shock and Denial
A. Definition
B. My own experience—Aunt Carrie telling us, Mom and everybody crying, me
feeling like it was just a dream
III. Confusion
A. Definition
B. My own experience—things I was confused about like what to do, when to do it
IV. Emotional Release
A. Definition
B. My own experience—Grandma coming to get me for ice cream and I
remembered that I’d forgotten Dad’s birthday, me crying uncontrollably, Mom
having to come get me from school.
V. Anger and Guilt
A. Definition and explanation of how they sometimes happen at the same time.
B. My own experience—things I felt angry and guilty about and who I was angry
with
VI. Depression and Isolation
A. Definition
B. My own experience—sleeping and missing Dad. How when I was asleep I wasn’t
missing anything; My family going through it at the same time; My quiet house.
VII. Recovery and Acceptance
A. Definition
B. My own experience—playing, hunting for grasshoppers, the memory of Dad
taking me fishing, being happy for the memory instead of sad.
VIII. Conclusion
A. Restate the seven stages of grief and how everyone experiences each stage on a
different timeline.
B. The important thing to remember is that grief is part of the human experience
and part of what makes us all just that—Humans.