March 2015

Editor-in-Chief, Feleceia Benton, talks of transition and the need to surround yourself with people of similar vision.

#tkt2nxtand the willingness to not go at it alone

STYLE UPGRADE: Before you go stepping out for spring, clean your closet of these fashion faux pas.

Mouse Click, Love,& the Plight of the

Single Christian Woman

The Fault in My Star

when the quest for loveand relationship

goes (and stays) online.

Have you ever felt predestined for something great but didn’t know exactly what that greatness was?

cover photog by Thomas Mosley

Produced by:The Zoe Communications AgencyZoeSaysHello.com

Editor-In-Chief Feleceia B. Benton

Senior EditorArian Augustus

Graphic DesignerFeleceia Benton

ElisiaMagazine.com

#Tkt2NxtA year ago this magazine was an idea. A passing thought as I was driving down the highway with my child. On that day when I got that idea, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to say. I had it all figured out and I was going to tell the world exactly what was in my brain.

Well, it’s been a year now and, I’ve learned that I’m still learning. I’m still learning who I am. I’m still learning what I want to say.

Learning is an ongoing process for me, and I think that should be the case for everyone. You have to have other people around you to hear you while you’re in your process. You have to have a trusted inner

circle that will tell all your crazy back to you so you know just how crazy it is and you can try to make it make sense before you go tell it to the world.

When we started this magazine, we knew what our lane was and we stayed right in the middle of it. And that was fine. You have to begin somewhere. But today, we know more, and, you guessed it, we’re still learning. With each word, each article, each issue, we’re rerouting our system so that we can get to the right destination. But, ya know, in the meantime we’re at least talking about it so we can figure outwho we really want to be and where we really want to go. Rock wit’ us.

FROM THE EDITOR

F E L E C E I A B E N T O N

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m 3

CONTENTS March 2015

5 // FINDING VICTORY IN THE VALLEY

7 // POWER PROFILE: PAM CHATMAN

9 // FAULT IN MY STAR

11 // BUDDY FITNESS

15 // UPGRADE YOU | STYLE REMIX

17 // THE CRINGE

19 // MOUSE CLICKS, LOVE, AND THE PLIGHT OF THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN

21 // MAYOR OF THE VILLIAGE

23 // TASTE -- AT HOME

25 // GETTING BACK IN FOCUS

27 // WRAPPED IN WISDOM

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m3

13 If you’re gonna go, don’t do it alone.

CONTRIBUTORS

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m

arian augustus

cheryl skinner rischer

mandy rausch

jessica vaughn

nikki hurd

kristen guillory

tracy williams

feleceia benton

jamie snow

mekeisha steele

cherish robinson

shante mccoy

rachel proctor

mari sanchez maldonado

ivy mcquain

yolonda tuck

4

EDUCATION

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m5

FINDINGVICTORY

I N T H E V A L L E Y

Shante McCoy

A month ago I decided to take a leap of faith and retire from teaching after eighteen years. My legs were shaking as I sat across my principal’s desk and waited for him to finish a phone call. I mean, who did I think I was – a master teacher out sick for 10 weeks, mid contract, with the weight of reading teachers, students and campus scores on my back – to just up and leave? I had rehearsed what I was going to say at least a million times. I was going to look him right in the eyes, remove all emotions, speak firmly and say, “I QUIT.”

I knew it was time for me to close this chapter of my journey because I had become uncomfortable and discouraged in my position. I would lay awake at night planning the professional developments I would host for teachers across the country. I dreamed of getting emails from principals requesting my services and offering me top dollar to work with their teachers. I would sit at my kitchen table pretending to sign copies of the children’s books that I’d written and were on the New York Times’ best seller list. I envisioned

teachers reading my children’s books to their students.Before I began to dream again, I had been in a personal valley for nearly four months. I had fallen ill at work, and I was only able to work three full weeks from September 17th – January 6th. I didn’t get a paycheck for two months. I was denied disability and had spent all my money on surgery. All I had left was my desire to do more and the word of God. So, I began to study the word. I wrote an affirmation that I said daily and I began to declare what I wanted in my life. (You will decree a thing and it will be established for you and light will shine on your ways. Job 22:28). I changed my thinking and the words I spoke, and I firmly believed that God was going to pull me out of my valley.

Slowly but surely doors began to open, and God began to put people in my life who were in a position to help my dreams come true. I finally got the nerve to start McShell Educa-tional Consulting. I finished my first children’s book and became the executive director for a nonprofit organization. I became a writer for a magazine. I was approved for an educational grant, and I became a mentee to a couple of awesome mentors. I was now in a position to take that first step of my journey toward my dream, all while in my valley.I started to sweat as I reviewed my “why I want to quit” notes. “Why am I so nervous?” I thought. I had fasted. I prayed. I sought wise counsel. I prayed some more, and then I waited for that prick in my spirit that said the time is NOW. This is your season of harvest. My principal finally came in and sat behind his desk. “Ms. McCoy, how can I help you?” he said. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I cleared my throat and said to myself, “God give me the words to say, and please make them make sense.” The next thing I knew my principal was signing my paperwork to release me to my dreams. He wished me well and in that instant I went from employee to an Edupreneur.When I got in my car I could hardly keep my heart inside my chest. “I can’t believe I did it!” I thought. “I

now work for Shante’ Jeniece McCoy!” Tears began to stream from my face and I thanked the Lord all the way home.There is a dream in all of us, and I am no better than the next woman. All I did was change my thinking and I declare the things I wanted in my life with the word as my guide. As a believer, the end result is always victory. (What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously

give us all things? Romans 8:31-32)

Of course, I will have to continue to pray, push and be persistent, especially when times get difficult. And I constantly have to silence that little voice that says, “You shouldn’t have quit. You may have to go back. You are not going to be able to sustain this path.”

Yet still, when I look back on everything I’ve experienced so

far, the historic educator Marva Collins comes to mind. Marva Collins is the teacher I modeled myself after as I traveled through my educational journey. She too had to leave the confines of her school district to grow and use her gift effectively for her students, her family and herself. Now, Ms. Collins is a consultant that travels the country training educators at the ripe old age of 78. It’s funny. She was just about my age when she took her leap of faith and began her journey into her dreams. It kind of gives me goose bumps.

“Take the first step of faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m 6

A month ago I decided to take a leap of faith and retire from teaching after eighteen years. My legs were shaking as I sat across my principal’s desk and waited for him to finish a phone call. I mean, who did I think I was – a master teacher out sick for 10 weeks, mid contract, with the weight of reading teachers, students and campus scores on my back – to just up and leave? I had rehearsed what I was going to say at least a million times. I was going to look him right in the eyes, remove all emotions, speak firmly and say, “I QUIT.”

Shante McCoy sjmf311@yahoo.com

I knew it was time for me to close this chapter of my journey because I had become uncomfortable and discouraged in my position. I would lay awake at night planning the professional developments I would host for teachers across the country. I dreamed of getting emails from principals requesting my services and offering me top dollar to work with their teachers. I would sit at my kitchen table pretending to sign copies of the children’s books that I’d written and were on the New York Times’ best seller list. I envisioned

teachers reading my children’s books to their students.Before I began to dream again, I had been in a personal valley for nearly four months. I had fallen ill at work, and I was only able to work three full weeks from September 17th – January 6th. I didn’t get a paycheck for two months. I was denied disability and had spent all my money on surgery. All I had left was my desire to do more and the word of God. So, I began to study the word. I wrote an affirmation that I said daily and I began to declare what I wanted in my life. (You will decree a thing and it will be established for you and light will shine on your ways. Job 22:28). I changed my thinking and the words I spoke, and I firmly believed that God was going to pull me out of my valley.

Slowly but surely doors began to open, and God began to put people in my life who were in a position to help my dreams come true. I finally got the nerve to start McShell Educa-tional Consulting. I finished my first children’s book and became the executive director for a nonprofit organization. I became a writer for a magazine. I was approved for an educational grant, and I became a mentee to a couple of awesome mentors. I was now in a position to take that first step of my journey toward my dream, all while in my valley.I started to sweat as I reviewed my “why I want to quit” notes. “Why am I so nervous?” I thought. I had fasted. I prayed. I sought wise counsel. I prayed some more, and then I waited for that prick in my spirit that said the time is NOW. This is your season of harvest. My principal finally came in and sat behind his desk. “Ms. McCoy, how can I help you?” he said. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I cleared my throat and said to myself, “God give me the words to say, and please make them make sense.” The next thing I knew my principal was signing my paperwork to release me to my dreams. He wished me well and in that instant I went from employee to an Edupreneur.When I got in my car I could hardly keep my heart inside my chest. “I can’t believe I did it!” I thought. “I

now work for Shante’ Jeniece McCoy!” Tears began to stream from my face and I thanked the Lord all the way home.There is a dream in all of us, and I am no better than the next woman. All I did was change my thinking and I declare the things I wanted in my life with the word as my guide. As a believer, the end result is always victory. (What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously

give us all things? Romans 8:31-32)

Of course, I will have to continue to pray, push and be persistent, especially when times get difficult. And I constantly have to silence that little voice that says, “You shouldn’t have quit. You may have to go back. You are not going to be able to sustain this path.”

Yet still, when I look back on everything I’ve experienced so

far, the historic educator Marva Collins comes to mind. Marva Collins is the teacher I modeled myself after as I traveled through my educational journey. She too had to leave the confines of her school district to grow and use her gift effectively for her students, her family and herself. Now, Ms. Collins is a consultant that travels the country training educators at the ripe old age of 78. It’s funny. She was just about my age when she took her leap of faith and began her journey into her dreams. It kind of gives me goose bumps.

“Take the first step of faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

The next thing I knew my principal was signing my

paperwork to release me to my dreams. He wished me well and in that instant I went from

employee to an Edupreneur.

COMMUNITY

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m9

I have experienced this feeling so many times in my life that I have often wondered whether or not I really am great. I have constantly looked at my surroundings, my work ethic, my friends and family for the right path, but it usually comes back to me. I-V-Y.

Looking at the fault in your own star is hard to do for most people who know they have an appointment with great-ness. It can be so exhausting to know that the something you are destined for isn’t going to leave you alone. You hide from it. You deny it but it’s always looking for you, waiting on you to live the life you were created to live and to join other greats in the constellations.

Like me, you may cry your eyes out when you look at your current situation or the current state of those living around you. You may have worked yourself into a stupor, still not finding a solution. Or you may have prayed so much you think God has started blocking your calls. This lost feeling happens because you focus on the fault in your star thinking that you have to be perfect before you can save the world. But that’s simply not true. I’ve learned that my outward exterior is a beacon of light for others even while I’m still in the process of finding my way.

It’s hard work being a leader when you don’t even want to get out of bed. But guess what? When you are called to lead even just one, you have to do it. Greatness doesn’t pick the weak, and that something doesn’t search for nobodies. Your star was assigned to you when your daddy met your mommy. So, sleepless nights are a requirement; tears are a prerequisite; loneliness is a comforter because they need you. They will always need you. You see, to some people, you’re an everyday superhero. You are the person who fixes the problem. You are the person who makes things better. The things you regret become a source of hope for others. The things you want to

hide become someone else’s path to the light. You can beat yourself up over every misstep you’ve ever made, but it won’t change who you were called to be for those around you.

Running away from being a better leader doesn’t help you become that something great. Running makes you dim, bitter, resentful and, dare I say, prideful. That’s not what God wants for you. So, take inventory of the seemingly “bad” things about you and use those things to help others.

If you have a temper as I do, use that fire to tell people how not to get into trouble because I am sure your temper has gotten you in a mess a time or two.

If you love to procrastinate, use that latent energy to fuel the best kind of creativity and focus.

If you don’t mince words, use your directness to help build someone’s tolerance.

You control who you are and why you are. Your greatness will never go away because it is a gift to the world that you can’t deny, not even in your death.

It’s time to stop regretting your past faults because if you haven’t noticed, no one has figured out time travel yet, so you can’t change it even if you try. But you can help others learn to harness their greatness and to find their something. There is a world out there that needs to be changed, one person at a time. So, stop looking at the rest of the sky wondering where you belong. Instead, let your star shine brightly for others to know that they are great too.

P A M C H A T M A N

Have you ever felt predestined for something great but didn’t know exactly what that greatness was? Like you’re on

to something but maybe that something is a million light years away from where you are in life right now?

THEFAULT

I N O U R S T A RIvy McQuain

wanna advertise in Elisia?

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m 10

I have experienced this feeling so many times in my life that I have often wondered whether or not I really am great. I have constantly looked at my surroundings, my work ethic, my friends and family for the right path, but it usually comes back to me. I-V-Y.

Looking at the fault in your own star is hard to do for most people who know they have an appointment with great-ness. It can be so exhausting to know that the something you are destined for isn’t going to leave you alone. You hide from it. You deny it but it’s always looking for you, waiting on you to live the life you were created to live and to join other greats in the constellations.

Like me, you may cry your eyes out when you look at your current situation or the current state of those living around you. You may have worked yourself into a stupor, still not finding a solution. Or you may have prayed so much you think God has started blocking your calls. This lost feeling happens because you focus on the fault in your star thinking that you have to be perfect before you can save the world. But that’s simply not true. I’ve learned that my outward exterior is a beacon of light for others even while I’m still in the process of finding my way.

It’s hard work being a leader when you don’t even want to get out of bed. But guess what? When you are called to lead even just one, you have to do it. Greatness doesn’t pick the weak, and that something doesn’t search for nobodies. Your star was assigned to you when your daddy met your mommy. So, sleepless nights are a requirement; tears are a prerequisite; loneliness is a comforter because they need you. They will always need you. You see, to some people, you’re an everyday superhero. You are the person who fixes the problem. You are the person who makes things better. The things you regret become a source of hope for others. The things you want to

hide become someone else’s path to the light. You can beat yourself up over every misstep you’ve ever made, but it won’t change who you were called to be for those around you.

Running away from being a better leader doesn’t help you become that something great. Running makes you dim, bitter, resentful and, dare I say, prideful. That’s not what God wants for you. So, take inventory of the seemingly “bad” things about you and use those things to help others.

If you have a temper as I do, use that fire to tell people how not to get into trouble because I am sure your temper has gotten you in a mess a time or two.

If you love to procrastinate, use that latent energy to fuel the best kind of creativity and focus.

If you don’t mince words, use your directness to help build someone’s tolerance.

You control who you are and why you are. Your greatness will never go away because it is a gift to the world that you can’t deny, not even in your death.

It’s time to stop regretting your past faults because if you haven’t noticed, no one has figured out time travel yet, so you can’t change it even if you try. But you can help others learn to harness their greatness and to find their something. There is a world out there that needs to be changed, one person at a time. So, stop looking at the rest of the sky wondering where you belong. Instead, let your star shine brightly for others to know that they are great too.

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have a

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PARENTHOOD

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m1 9MANDY RAUSCH

of your

e l i s i a m a g a z i n e . c o m 2 0

One of the things I believe with my whole heart as a parent is the often-heard phrase, “It takes a village [to raise a child]!” What it means to each parent, though, can vary. For those of us who grew up in church, it may have meant that our parents’ friends had every right in the world to smack us or poke us with a sharp finger if we acted up during the sermon while our parents were praising the Lord up in the choir loft.

For some, it might mean friends, family members or neighbors willing to babysit, run errands, bring food by the house, or anything else a family with children may need help doing.

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about Villages, though. Sometimes you’re the Mayor, and sometimes you’re the Village Idiot. But you, parents, have the power to choose which you are.

After you have your first child, it’s easy to feel like you have no idea what’s going on at any given moment, and it’s even easier to feel like every choice you make is the wrong one. Advice comes pouring out from every corner. Friends, family members, even strangers are always ready with advice, whether or not it was solicited.

Before you know it, it can start to feel like that helpful Village is just coming by to pet its adorable Idiot on the head. “Awwww. Isn’t she cute?” they ask...and they aren’t talking about the baby anymore. …

Read Mandy’s full article on MomBabble.comfeleceia b. bentoneditor-in-chief

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