editing a method of expanding, improving, and supporting students’ writing
TRANSCRIPT
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EditingA method of expanding, improving, and supporting
students’ writing.
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Prompt
Describe the focal point featured in the photo of your choice.
Consider: Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?
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Typical Response to Editing
Good job!
Excellent!
What else do you want?
It’s done.
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Metacognition
In summary, metacognition is thinking about thinking.
“Metacognition refers to higher order thinking that involves active control over the thinking processes involved in learning. Activities such as planning how to approach a given learning task, monitoring comprehension, and evaluating progress toward the completion of a task are metacognitive in nature. Because metacognition plays a critical role in successful learning it is important for both students and teachers. Metacognition has been linked with intelligence and it has been shown that those with greater metacognitive abilities tend to be more successful thinkers.” Holistic Education Network
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Messy Room
My room is vey messy. It looks like a tornado went through it. There are toys everywhere. Clothes and garbage are on the floor.
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Why is this dull?
How can this be improved?
Discuss this with your group.
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The Messy Room Clothes wrestling on the floor,
The shirts and pants pinning the underwear,
The socks balled and stinky
Sprinkled like black olives over the furniture
In one corner
The mangled Barbies gather.
Malibu Barbie surfs a sea of headless Ken
Naked Hawaiian Hair Barbie drowns
In a mass of matted grass skirt
Wadded with grape bubble gum
That you had tried to save.
A legless Skipper has skipped her last time.
Legos crunch beneath your feet as you
Proceed to the unmade bed,
The bed you were supposed to make every day,
If you were the kind of child
That made her bed every day
That put her toys away,
And never drank milk from the carton
When no one was looking.
Barry Lane
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Why is this better?
Discuss this with your group.
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Basic Toolbox
Vivid verbs that show instead of tell
Precise nouns that paint pictures for readers
Sparing use of specific adjectives to enhance precise nouns, never to prop up weak nouns
Selective use of lively adverbs to spice up vivid verbs
Transitions to provide a smooth flow of ideas
Varied sentence structure to enhance cadence
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Text Talk for Writing
VV = Vivid Verb
PN = Precise Noun
SA = Specific Adjective
LA = Lively Adverb
TR = Transition
SS = Varied Sentence Structure
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Mark Twain
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses
in conversation.
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
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SA
An adjective has the power to transform a sentence. But, we can’t just stack them up into “assembly-line writing.” O’Conner
My Mom’s new, large, blue Ford Expedition rides high above the other small, compact cars around us on the crowded, busy highway.
The family sat down to dinner.
The Hawaiian family sat down to dinner.
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LA
“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” Stephen King
Use Sparingly
I spoke quietly.
The students prepared for science class.
The students secretly prepared for science class.
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Sadler and Graham
“A writer’s proficiency in translating intentions and ideas into well-crafted sentences can impact both the reader and the writer.”
Overall writing quality improved after instruction in sentence combining techniques.
Knowledge may decrease cognitive load.
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SS
Vary Sentence Structure and Elaborate
Prepositional Phrase
Appositives
Subordinating Conjunctions
Participial Phrase
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Prepositional Phrase
I will not attend the party.
Without my mother’s permission, I will not attend the party.
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Appositive Phrase
Ponyboy is the main character in The Outsiders.
He is likeable and interesting.
Ponyboy, the main character in The Outsiders, is likeable and interesting.
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Subordinating Conjunction
Lila could not go to the mall.
She had to finish her chores.
Until she finished her chores, she could not go to the mall.
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Participial Phrase
Frank washed and polished the car.
He developed sore muscles.
Washing and polishing the car, Frank developed sore muscles.
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Zoom Lens
Barry Lane calls it binoculars.
Jeff Anderson steals Naden’s term and calls it the absolute zoom.
Example: The Bicyclist raced.
Zoom into the smaller nouns.
Add an ing verb to each noun (participle)
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Bicycle
Noun Participle
Pedals spinning, pumping, turning
Hands gripping, gripping handlebars
Wheels spinning, splashing, skidding
Face grunting, dripping
Legs pumping, standing, grinding
Sweat dripping, staining, soaking shirt
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The Result
Legs pumping, sweat dripping, the bicyclist raced down the road.
Look at your piece and try it!
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Peer Edit
Switch your writing with your shoulder partner.
Peer edit using the handy handout.
Revise
Share
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Evaluate
VV _________________________________________
PN _________________________________________
SA _________________________________________
LA _________________________________________
TR _________________________________________
SS _________________________________________
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Peer Edit
Be kind.
Add a comment.
Sample Comments Paragraph has a great thesis
Strong lead
You created a detailed picture in my mind
Great support (anecdote, quote, simile, etc.)
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Works Cited
Anderson, Jeff. Mechanically Inclined: Building Grammar, Usage, and Style into Writer's Workshop. Portland, Me.: Stenhouse, 2005. Print.
Caskey, Joyce. ElaborWrite.Tampa, FL: The Writers Institute, LLC, ND. Print
Lane, Barry. Reviser's Toolbox. Shoreham, VT: Discover Writing, 1999. Print.
"Metacognition - Thinking about Thinking." Holistic Education - Tasmanian WWW Site. Holistic Education Network, 20 Jan. 2011. Web. 18 June 2011. <http://www.hent.org/world/rss/files/metacognition.htm>.