earthsoft saving marriage-life and partner

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Saving marriage


• Marriage• Happy living• Issues• Conflicts & resolution

Index


• To understand divorce & its impact• To understand the reasons of incompatibility• To strengthen intellectual, emotional and

spiritual aspects of your personality• To select the best possible ways to save

marriage life• To be happy in fulfilling your duties and

responsibilities towards your spouse & families• To be a mature, spiritually & emotionally healthy

and committed spouse• To prepare for future challenges and conflicts• To change & grow to be better person and well-

adjusted marriage partner

Objective


Reasons for marriageMarriage is a virtually universal human institution Right reasons to marry• Companion throughout life, Unity• Togetherness - Sharing good or bad moments,

realizing dreams together• Sharing, Loving, Caring, Giving• Continuing generation, beautiful creation – ChildWrong reasons to marry• Money, or just Papers • Position in company• Just to have kids• To serve ME


• Long term relationship & stability• Better ritual culture due to common & deep

understanding, supportive for next generation• Improved family relationship• Increased ownership, higher commitments• Feeling of proud of relationship• Feel of satisfaction & delight from peaceful &

happy environment• Financially wealthy & successful• Active participation for function & celebration• Increased morale & no conflicts

Gain…


Successful marriageReasons for successful marriage• Common skills• Good emotional & physical health• High self esteem• High education level• High social status• Pressure from society & kids


Start a day - Breakfast table

Which scene do you want to see across the breakfast table for the rest of your life?

Decide life partner carefully!


The value of person depends upon• Skills attained• Knowledge acquired• Money earned• Assets build• Good deeds executed• Relations maintained• Love spread and • Behavior exhibited! • There is nothing better in the world than a good

wife. A good wife is the one whose husband becomes glad upon seeing her.

Saying & believing!


Partnering

Environment Culture

Way of lifeMethodologies

PeopleFamilies

Partnering

LovingCaring

Sharing

Trust

Transparency

Respect

Honesty Dignity


7 Vows- Promise to God to be partner throughout the life1.To walk together throughtout life to get pure food2.To walk together for a healthy & prosperous life,

seeking physical, spiritual and mental health3.To support each other to be wealthy, asking strength to

share the happiness and pain together. 4.Determined for love and respect for each other and

their respective families5.Pray for the beautiful, heroic & noble children6.Request for the peaceful long life with each other7.For companionship, togetherness, loyalty and

understanding & to be friends for lifetimeMarriage is a symbol of purity, union of two different people, community and culture

Seven vows


• Divorce or the dissolution of marriage is the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the partners!

• As of 2011, divorce rate in India is 1.01 for every thousand marriages annually, is too high

Divorce


ReasonsCategory Reason

Social Dowry harassment, Exploitation, Conservative approachUnbearable mental and physical tortureAcceptance of divorced daughters, Change of viewsDINKS (double income no kids) couples Downfall of Joint family systemMisunderstanding of Woman empowerment & equality

Personality Non compatibility in social, economical, intellect statusLack of adaptability, lack of patienceDomination, egoistic nature, Listen – serve to me attitudeExtramarital affairs, Western culture influence

Finance Ability to be on own, Financial freedomGrowth of individualism, High salariesDisputes over managing finance, I can do it better attitude

Professional Work-life imbalance, Professional rivalryBehavior Lack of ethics and morals, Fashionable life style

Lack of affection, Ignorance, Insulting, Disrespect


• Lack of understanding• Priorities differs• Methodologies differsAbove results in Disregard & Distrust, cycle continues• Missing on Loving, Caring, Sharing, Giving• Different values • Own world – Ignoring & not sharing time• Lack approval from family (for love marriage)

Issues


• We hide the things……• We ignore……• We mislabel……• We agree on irrelevant matters…• We believe our loved one will change after

marriage

Before marriage


• “You are just made for me”• “You aren’t the man/woman I married”.

• “I want you to be my partner for all the births”• “You seem different now”.

• “I am so lucky, feel like in heaven”• “It isn’t the same as when we were dating”.

• “I trust you”• “You cheated me”.

Voice before & after


• Intellectual gap• Physical, age-wise, health related, sex related• Comfort, Fun, Materialistic, Financial instability• Spiritual differences• Social life style• Ego• Missing on expectations• Ability not to accommodate varieties• Methodology differs slightly• Twisted & distorted facts or inputs• Wrong impression / prejudice• Expectations to be ideal!

Incompatibility & reasons


Incompatibility

Deep fry ice-cream?


Divorce globallyRank Country Percent

1 India 1.1

2 Sri Lanka 1.5

3 Japan 1.9

9 Italy 10

12 Israel 14.8

16 Singapore 17.2

21 Switzerland 25.5

26 Canada 37

31 Germany 39.4

35 United Kingdom 42.6

36 Russia 43.3

40 Denmark 44.5

45 United States 54.8

46 Sweden 54.9

In India divorce rate is doubled in last 7 years


Mature steps neededDeath statistics in USA!Take mature steps related to love & marriage


To avoid • Unhealthy life, psychological madness• Loneliness & unhappiness• Social insult over ability to manage• Lesser combined income• Risk of suicide for both & children• Shorter life expectancies

• For children• Suffer physical health• Risk of school failure• Psychological distress & mental illness• Miss on guidance & developing

Avoid divorce


• Think strategically about solution• Communicate & have a dialogue• Discuss, don’t quarrel• Clarify & Apologize if mistaken• Start clean slate & fresh• Enhance understanding• Set the guidelines if needed• Understand before being understood• Avoid to be misunderstood, make a point• Do not involve many• Acknowledge and respect individual identity• Avoid compromised & confused situation

Most effective-first hand solution


• Be “REAL” & realistic• Plan for outing• Enhance listening abilities• Express issues, wish and needs honestly• Understand viewpoints sincerely• Respect one another as peers & friends• Constructive resolutions build trust, follow those• Maintain a diary jotting down own mistakes

Most effective-first hand solution


• Unable to articulate all issues at one time• Unable to convince & conclude who is wrong?• Unable to address ego• Inability to stand on own• Social pressure• Deep responsibility of children & serious views

not to ruin their lives• Unclear answer to What next?• If views till in favor to continue, not to cut thread• Compromising nature & patience• Hope is the strategy!!! (cannot be!)

Fight but marriage under hold


• Bargaining – compromise with respect & dignity (deal for both, remember marriage is not a deal!)

• Agreement as a gift (without resentment)• Coexistence – Agree (to disagree & live with it)The object of marriage = peaceful coexistence• Be totally honest and kind at the same time.• Control negative destructive impulses• Control your anger• Express your deepest fears, hopes, and

emotions and everyday thoughts

Happily married life


Beautiful tips• Do not hit head against wall• Know.....who matters• Acknowledgement is the first step towards

improvement• Never try to straighten dog’s tail• Keep cool & calm, grow and behave!

Tips


• Lifetime to know each other• People do not really know each other well• Continue applying corrections & keep aligning• Be flexible – unforeseen events will happen.• Be prepared for change – people change,

situations shift, relationships take on new dimensions, Couples can cope & adapt

• Have a positive attitude.• Express positive comments most of the time.• Criticism about inadequacies eliminates

emotional space.

Accept totally


• Commitment as a symbol, not as a contract• Equal focus on win-win, always!• Trust which offers closeness, fluent

communication & synergistic relationship• Mutual goals & objectives can be achieved with

deep support• Continuous improve• Timely communication & responsiveness• Involvement of partners with each other , trust &

respect for each other, must be magnified

Key element


Thank You