During Circle Work

•One Person speaks at a time•Right to Pass•No Put-downs

Silent Statements

Being Restorative at School

What does harm mean?

Hurt feelings

Hurt bodyUpset

feeling threatened

Feeling unsafe

Broken things

stealing

Talk about a time you were harmed by someone else (accidentally or on purpose):

Talk about a time you harmed somebody else (accidentally or on purpose)?

What did you need?

What did you need?

Pair Share Partner Work

Be able to do something to fix my mistakeTo have a chance to tell my side and let people know I am not happyTo feel brave enough to talk about it to someone – even those who harmed meTo feel strong again after being hurt – to feel like I can stick up for myselfTo forgive others and tell them it’s OK as long as they don’t do it again and be friends

To be forgiven – someone to give me a hug and tell me I’m OKTo be able to be friends again after I fix itNot to lose friends – be left outA chance to say sorry and to mean itTo have other people know how I was harmedFor people not to think I’m a bad person

Change places…

When we know we have done the wrong thing and harmed someone

We get a feeling of YUK that we feel all over us – especially in our belly

YUK

DoubleYUK

YUK

YUK

We can’t think for a second….

When our brain starts working again we remember other times when we mucked up –

when we felt just as bad about ourselves as we do now.

Bill’s stuff-ups memory collection ←A-D E-H →

Stuff-up memories to be shelved

BILL’S MEMORY

We might think that we are a bad person – we might think that everybody hates us!

All of these thoughts and feelings happen really quickly – in a few seconds

There’s a name for this YUK feeling:

SHAMEHey - It’s not all bad - Shame is an important feeling because it lets us know that we’ve upset others and we might have some fixing to do.

But the tricky thing about

SHAMEIs that it feels bad and when we

feel it we want it to go away quickly

WITHDRAWAL

ATTACK SELF

AVOIDANCE

ATTACK OTHERS

The Compass of Shame

When we know we have done the wrong thing and

feel SHAME – we can ...I’m going to admit I did the wrong thing

and fix it up with those I’ve harmed

Oh man…how do I get out of this? I can’t deal with it.

The compass of shame

WITHDRAWAL

ATTACK SELF

AVOIDANCE

ATTACK OTHERS

Does NOT like himself

Hey, you’ve mucked up - take

responsibility and fix whoever (or whatever)

you have harmed!

oh and by the way…see if you can learn

something from this!

Oh man…how do I get out of this? I can’t deal with it.

Does NOT like himself

WithdrawalI’m a bad person so I have to run and hide from everyone so they don’t hate me more. I just want to be somewhere nobody can see me.

Attack SelfI am a bad person so I have to be mean to myself and let others be mean to me so I can still have friends. I don’t think I’m any good so I don’t deserve to have others be kind to me.

AvoidanceI feel so bad about myself I have to

act like I’m somebody else so nobody

can see the real me. I might try to act

tough - like I don’t care, be silly or

show off to try to make other people

think I am different from who I really

am. Or I might brag about something

I’m good at – because I think the real

me is no good

Attack Other

I feel so bad about myself that

making someone else feel bad

will help me feel better

(blaming or hurting). If I can

make somebody else feel

worse than I do, maybe I’ll feel

a bit better about myself – a bit

stronger

Things we say to ourselves when on the Compass of Shame

The truth about people…

Nobody who feels OK with themselves ever has to tease, put down or hurt others.

People who try to tease, bully or hurt on purpose have shame hurting them from the inside.

something they can’t gladiator with that has put them on the compass of shame.

what’s your style when you’re in trouble and feeling ashamed of yourself?

RJ

?be alonerun awayhide

say “I hate myself” Put yourself down

Get yourself into trouble for something elseLet others put you down

Show off Get loud

Brag about yourself

Act tough Blame someone else

Get angryTease or bully someone

Say ‘I don’t care’ Act weird

WITHDRAWAL

ATTACK SELF

AVOIDANCE

ATTACK OTHERS

OK.....What I did wasn’t good – people are upset with me – Heck......I’m upset with me!

I can deal with these yucky feelings without running and hiding, being mean to myself, trying to be something I’m not or giving someone else a hard time

I still have friends and people who love me........I still think I’m OK

Even though I feel like the worst person in the world right now.....everyone makes mistakes

I will have to do something to fix this up – it won’t be easy because people are upset with what I did but I will make it right

Keeping ourselves off the compass

Fixing -ITIs the best way to get rid of

shame when we have caused harm

Tomorrow your teachers start learning how help you with

this

FIX-IT

RJ

Restorative Questions for people who have caused harm (accidentally or on purpose)

FIX-IT

What happened – what was your part in it?

What were you thinking /feeling when you did / said that?

What do you think about what you did / said now that we’re having a talk about it?

Who do you think has been affected by what you did? How were they affected?

How were you affected?

What needs to happen to try to fix this or make it better that it is now?

If this happens again, what might you do next time?

FIX-IT

RJ

Restorative Questions for people who have been harmed by what someone

FIX-IT

What did you think / feel when it happened?

How have you been affected by this?

Who else has been affected?

What’s been the worst thing about it?

What needs to happen to try to fix this or make it better that it is now?

Blaming QuestionsReveng

e

What rules have been broken?

How can we keep everyone away from each other?

Who did the wrong thing / broke the rules?

What punishment do they deserve?

WITHDRAWAL

ATTACK SELF

AVOIDANCE

ATTACK OTHERS OUCH!

So... Some questions for you guys – A quiz!