dr. joanne pedro-carrolldappere dino’s –“courageous dinosaurs” (6-8 year-olds) stoere...
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Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll Clinical Psychologist
Founder,Children of Divorce Intervention Program;Co-Founder, ACT-For the Children
Author, Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies forHelping Children Thrive Through Divorce
• NAPPA Gold Award, National Association of Parenting Publications
• Gold Recipient, Mom’s Choice Awards
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1. Current research: Meta-analyses of child outcomes
2. Risk and protective factors: US and Cross Cultural
3. Young children’s inner experiences: What they feel but
seldom say
4. Factors related to resilience and healthy adjustment
5. Evidence-based programs for children and parents
Today’s Topics
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Today’s parents are yesterday’s children.
Today’s children are tomorrow’s parents.
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Research Overview
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• Divorce rates in the United States are near 50% --highest of any Western nation*
• Nearly all European countries have increased divorce rates since early 1970s.
• Causes and consequences of divorce are similar across countries
*Amato, P. R. & James, S. (2010). Divorce in Europe and the United States: Similarities and Differences
Across Nations. Family Science 1:2-13.
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Impact of Divorce
Meta-analyses of Child and Adult Outcomes
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Meta-analysis: Specific risks
• Academic achievement
• Psychological adjustment
• Self concept
• Behavior
• Social competence
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Meta-analysis: Specific risks
• Lower socioeconomic status
• Poorer physical health
• Poorer sense of well-being
• Weaker emotional ties to parents, especially fathers
• Higher divorce rate in this generation
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More “internalizing” and “externalizing” problems in children and young adults (England, Norway, Bulgaria, Denmark, Netherlands)
Poorer physical health
More likely to contract cancer (Swedish study: Hemminki & Chen, 2006)
Divorce related to higher suicide rates among youth in some studies (Mancinelli et. al, 2001 Italy) (Mortenson, 2002, Denmark)
Lower educational levels ( UK, Italy, Sweden, Norway)
Poorer relationships with both parents (Bulgaria and Italy)
Higher rates of intergenerational divorce
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Despite variations in culture, history, social structure, and law, the link
between parents’ divorce and increased problems for children is
common throughout Europe and the US.
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These outcomes are not inevitable!
Research provides important guidelines for prevention and
intervention.
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Children’s Risk & Protective Factors
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Our work with children and families should be guided by research on:
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Factors that put children at risk for problems
Factors that protect children, promoting resilience & healthy adjustment
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Children’s Risk Factors
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Conflict between parents
Poor parent-child relationships
Multiple transitions and sources of stress
Economic decline
Poor quality of parenting
Exposure to violencePedro-Carroll, 2010
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1. Unresolved conflict
2. Poor quality parenting
3. Poor parent-child relationship
Factors that put children at riskfor problems
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In every controlled study…
CONFLICT = WORSE ADJUSTMENT • Yet, conflict is a natural part of separating• Not all conflict is the same
WORST FOR CHILDRENEmotionally & physically:
• Verbal and physical aggression that isfrequent, intense, unresolved
• Child-focused conflict – worst of all
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How Children Experience Conflict & Divorce
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How Conflict Between Parents Affects Children, Directly and Indirectly
High-conflict divorces linked to children’smental health problems
Conflict has negative effect on parenting itself
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How Parents’ Conflict Leads to Children’s Mental Health Problems
Conflictbetween parents
Childinternalizes problems
Childexternalizes problems
Influence on Child•Emotional security
•Coping • Self-regulation
• Sense of control
Influence on Parents•Quality of mother
parenting•Quantity & quality of
father parenting
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Impact of Conflict on Children’s Physical Health:
New research links children’s exposure to parent-conflict to
more illness
(El-Sheikh, 2008)
Bio-psycho-social model of wellness shows impact of stress
and anxiety on children
More frequent headaches; stomach aches
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Conflict between Parents: Research Findings Very high immediately after separation or divorce
Decreases but stays high in about 25% of divorces
One of the strongest predictors of child problems following divorce – about equal in impact to poor quality of parenting
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Children may experience multiple losses
“Better for them, but not for me”
Life as they knew it – family routines
Family relationships
Economic
Pets
Fears of replacement
Sense of security
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When I’m with my Mom, I miss my Dad – 98%
When with Dad, I miss Mom – 98%
My parents argue a lot – 86%
My parents fight about me – 81%
I worry that family problems are my fault – 79%
Going back and forth between homes – 78%
Pedro-Carroll, 2010
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I have a hard time in school – 72%
I don’t get enough time with my Dad/Mom –72%; 64%
I worry about what kids will think if they know my parents are divorced – 65%
I worry about my family – 63%
We don’t have enough money – 56%
Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a family –29%
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May not have the “emotional vocabulary” to express feelings
May want to protect parent from hurt or more stress
Fear of creating more conflict
Growing independence, autonomy
Emotionally disengaged
Lack of trust
Fear of abandonment
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Children’s Protective Factors
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“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
Frederick Douglass
The Power of Prevention
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Temperament
Active coping style
Effective coping skills
Hope, Optimism
Self efficacy
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Demonstrated competence in the context of significant challenges to adaptation
Not magic
Myth: all children are born resilient
Children can become resilient; parents and others can help them learn how
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Protective Factors That Promote Children’s Resilience
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Feeling Faces
Children’sProtective FactorsIndividual Skills
Developing a vocabulary to identify and describe emotions
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Impact of naming emotions:
fMRI shows calming responsein amygdala
Moves activity prefrontal cortex
Increase in prefrontal cortex and decrease in amygdala slows and soothes emotional response
Helps children develop neural pathways for managing strong emotion, problem solving, rational thinking, and judgment
Recent Neuroscience Research on “Affect Labeling”
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Children’sProtective FactorsIndividual Skills
Learning to differentiate which problems they can andcannot solve
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Two factors most consistently predict children’s well-being:• Level of conflict between parents• Quality of parenting (by both parents – regardless
of which one provides most of child’s care)
Promoting resilience involves: • Reducing conflict• Improving quality of parenting by one or both
parents
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Quality ParentingA Critical Protective Factor
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1. Warmth and empathy:
“All feelings are okay.”
2. Clear limits and expectations for behavior:
“All behaviors are not okay.”
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High quality parenting refers to the relationship between the parent and child◦ Includes both warmth and discipline◦ Sometimes referred to as authoritative parenting
Different from amount of time with parent ◦ Amount of time with either parent not related to
child outcomes
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Fostering Resilience
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Quality of parenting by mothers and fathers has potential to modify children’s resilience, even in high conflict divorces◦ Quality parenting by either parent protects child
against low quality parenting by the other parent
Research shows relationship between quality parenting by custodial mother and noncustodial father and reductions in children’s mental health problems
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Better school achievement
Less depression and anxiety
Higher self-concept
Less substance use
Less delinquency
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Intervention Programs for Children
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Intervention Programs: Ingredients for Success
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Based on research
Provides SOCIAL SUPPORT + Develops SKILLS
Share feelings about divorce
• Differentiate between solvable and unsolvable problems• Solve social problems
Clarify common misconceptions
• Communicate effectively• Use self-control skills• Manage anger
Reduce feelings of isolation
•Seek support•Disengage from parents’ conflict
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Intervention Programs
* difference between percentage in CODIP and control group frequently visiting school health office
Six controlled studies document how CODIP helps children
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Clinical trials of CODIP model in the Netherlands and other countries
Adapted for young children in health centers and school social work settings
Promising findings in multiple studies
Improvement in children’s adjustment; decreases in behavioral problems
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Dappere Dino’s – “Courageous Dinosaurs” (6-8 year-olds)
Stoere Schildpadden – “Tough Turtles” (4-6 year-olds)◦ Participating children, parents, and group leaders are very
much satisfied by the training
◦ Recognized in Dutch databases of evidence-based interventions
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Effective Parent Education
A.C.T.-For the Children
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First, do no harm….
Be sensitive to domestic violence
Do not attribute all child problems to divorce—or one
parent
Acknowledge and recognize grief and differing emotional
time tables
Acknowledge conflict as a way of staying connected
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Provide a positive, empowering message to parents
Emphasize what they can control
Educate about the benefits of containing conflict and collaborating when safe to do so
Explain the powerful protective factor of quality parenting, with warmth and limits
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Choose words carefully: language shapes behavior
Not: “visitation”
Instead: “parenting time” and “parenting plan”
Encourage parents to refer to “our child”
Encourage respectful, businesslike language and relationship between parents
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Parallel Parenting
➢Term derived from developmental psychology
➢Playing “next to” one another, not “with”
➢Need to disengage emotionally from other parent, while remaining respectful, focused on communicating on behalf of the child
➢Does not mean “will not speak ever again”
➢Goal is to reduce conflict
➢Communication is limited, business-like
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The Parenting Continuum
Co-operative parenting
Low or moderate conflict
Flexibility/negotiation
Decisions made jointly
Parents work together for child
Parallel parenting
High conflict or abuse
Stick to legal agreement
Decisions made through legal agreement or third party
Parents work separately in child’s best interests
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Remind parents of importance of self care —seeking help is sign of strength
Protect children from on-going parent conflict
Teach examples of quality parenting
Promote healthy relationships between child and both parents, when safe to do so
Help parents listen to children — to discover what they feel but seldom say
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Sesame StreetLittle Children, Big Challenges: Divorce
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Video Muppet storyAbby Cadabby’s parents
are divorced, so she has
two homes. At first she had
many big feelings, but now
things are better. She is still sad
sometimes, but she knows that both parents love her very much.
Through Abby’s story, we see the importance of children understanding divorce, identifying feelings, being reassured of both parents’ love, and normalizing life with consistent routines and expectations.
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Children’s Storybook: two-hug day
A child experiences the love of both parents on the day he transitions between his two homes. He asks questions and shares feelings, and through his story, parents’ best practices are modeled, while children are reassured.
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Parent Booklet:
LITTLE children BIG challenges: divorce
Questions children ask and suggestions about how to address them
Tips for encouraging children to express their emotions
Resources for support and information
Ideas for helping children transition into a blended family
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Online resources
Sesame Street
Little Children, Big Challenges: Divorce
http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/ topicsandactivities/toolkits/divorce
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Effective Parenting Plans
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Safe: Beware of Domestic violence
Developmentally appropriate
Tailored to child’s needs
Stability and continuity of care
Consistency
Supports parent-child relationships
Monitored and reviewed periodically
Not one size fits all
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Parenting plan is parents’ decision◦ Children should have a voice, especially
adolescents Consistency, support healthy routines More frequent, briefer visits with young children Longer times, fewer transitions with older children Accommodate adolescent’s own schedule
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Forgiveness
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Emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits of forgiveness
Reduced anxiety and depression
Increased self esteem
Hope for the future
Greater sense of well-being
Enright, R. Forgiveness is a choice
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Mothers who forgave former partners:◦ Less harsh discipline with children
Those who did not forgive:◦ More harsh discipline
◦ Redirected anger onto children with negative behaviors
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Forgetting
Condoning
Dismissing or denying the pain
Reconciliation
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Acknowledging anger, hurt, and resentment
Understanding how hanging on to anger and resentment affect health and well-being
Motivates us to let go
Buddha’s wisdom remains ageless:◦ “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the
intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
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Courage to face the painful work to break out of the emotional prison of resentment and anger
A process that, when accomplished, is liberating and leads to the joy of moving on with life and
getting “unstuck”
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Continue Your Good Work
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1. Increase focus on the specifics of quality parenting by mothers, fathers, or other caregivers as an important source of children’s resilience.
2. Promote policies and practices to help parents reduce or contain conflict and protect children.
3. Provide interventions based on proven protective factors that foster resilience and healthy development, with a message of hope and healing.
4. Preventive help early in the process is powerful.
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“Divorce is sad, but it’s not the end of the world for me or my family…”
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“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul
than the way in which it treats its children.”Nelson Mandela
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Our children are our future — and they are tomorrow’s parents.
Continue your good work improving the lives of children and families.
A heartfelt thank you!
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Onze kinderen zijn de toekomst– en zij zijn de ouders van
morgen. Ga door met julliebelangrijke werk om het levenvan kinderen en gezinnen te
verbeteren.
Mijn hartelijke dank!
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Strengthening social and emotional health
JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist; Child Specialist
Founder and Developer, Children of Divorce
Intervention program; ACT-For the Children
Veel Geluk!