WHO’S THE BOSS?Effective Parenting Strategies

Lack of Structure/Routine Lack of Consistency Using punishment instead of positive

reinforcement Fear Unrealistic expectations

Top Five Pitfalls in Parenting

These are NOT the same thing!

DISCIPLINE = TEACHING

DISCIPLINE vs. PUNISHMENT

SET FIRM, LOVING LIMITS USING ENFORCEABLE STATEMENTS

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

SELF CONFIDENT, RESPECTFUL AND RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULTS

THE GOAL

IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT IS DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR CHILD

KNOW YOUR CHILD’S TEMPERMENT (SPIRITED, SENSITIVE, EASY, DIFFICULT)

MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

Recognize and reward good behavior

“Catch them being good”

What is your definition of good behavior?

POSITIVE PARENTING

BE NICE !

AVOID YELLING

AVOID INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE

BE MINDFUL THAT YOU ARE YOUR CHILD’S ROLE MODEL

RESPECT SHOULD BE A COMMON THEME

MODELING GOOD BEHAVIOR

Lack of Consistency… Between married parents Between divorced parents Between parents and other caregivers

BARRIERS TO GOOD BEHAVIOR

Avoid Meaningless Consequences

Following through is essential-mean what you say!

Use Natural Consequences

CONSEQUENCES /THREATS

DIFFERENT THAN THREATS

NOT DRIVEN BY ANGER

NATURAL CONSEQUENCES

PICK YOUR BATTLES!

Offer Choices when Reasonable BUT… Not Everything is Negotiable

Red Light, Yellow Light, and Green Light Behaviors

BASIC STRATEGIES

PLAYING NICELY (BY HIS/HER SELF OR WITH OTHERS)

SHARING

COOPERATING WITH REQUESTS

GREEN LIGHT BEHAVIORS

Annoying but Acceptable! Whining, Pouting, Clinging, Grabbing

Our Goal is to Modify These Behaviors

These are NOT Time-Out worthy. Save Time-Out for the Red Light Behaviors

YELLOW LIGHT BEHAVIORS

DISTRACTION – Great for younger children Swap the desired item for something more

acceptable Use Humor – always a great tool Sing a silly song Make up a game (clean up, bedtime)

YELLOW LIGHT STRATEGIES

Behaviors Which are NEVER Acceptable…

Safety IssuesRespect Issues

Family Rules

REQUIRES A TIME OUT OR CONSEQUENCE

RED LIGHT

Time In is a Positive Parenting Strategy

Uses tiny bits of play and encouragement when your child is behaving

Attention (smile, wink, thumbs up, brief

touches) Praise – praise the action Don’t go overboard Praise good tries

A steady stream of time-ins help prevent time-outs!

TIME IN vs. TIME OUT

HAND CHECKS -Visual way of rewarding good behavior -Use a washable marker and make a mark on the

back of your child’s hand when they do something good.

At bedtime, count the checks and recall what he/she did to earn each one

TIME IN

Star Charts

Play Outside play, when possible

Creative activities – art projects, pretend reading

TIME IN CONTINUED

KEEP IT SHORT (5-10 MINUTES) “Advertise” Kids get to choose the activity Watching TV is NOT Special Time Have a clear beginning and end Don’t punish your child by taking away special time Don’t do it right before bed

SPECIAL TIME

Adapted from Toddler 411 www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/.../tips/toddler-discipline/

Anticipate conflict Transitions, tired, hungry Pick your battles Saying “no” too often becomes like background noise Don’t negotiate or make false promises Don’t yell, but DO change your tone

THE 20 COMMANDMENTS OF TODDLER DISCIPLINE

USE ONLY FOR RED LIGHT BEHAVIORS

ONE MINUTE PER YEAR OF AGE

USE SHORT EXPLANATIONS

USE A TIMER TO SIGNIFY THE END OF TIME OUT

TIME OUT

Common behavior strategy in previous generations

NOT RECOMMENDED AT ANY AGE Teaches children that hitting is acceptable Always used when parents are angry, and may lead to abuse It DOESN’T work Damages children’s and parent’s self esteem

SPANKING

Although children thrive on routine and consistency, they WILL be resistant to your

new parenting strategies

DON’T GIVE UP!!!!! It may take 20 trials of a new strategy before your child “gets it”

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

SPEND SPECIAL TIME WITH YOUR CHILD

ENCOURAGE FAMILY FUN NIGHT

VACATIONS

FUN!!!

Use a variety of strategies to impact your child’s behavior

Not every technique works every time

Give yourself credit for the good parenting you do

HAVE FUN

SUMMARY

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay

Toddler 411 by Denise Fields and Ari Brown, MD

The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD

Supernanny

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

ILLINOIS MASONIC PARENTING CLASSES 773-296-7340

1,2,3 MAGIC: EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE FOR CHILDREN 2-12. TW PHELAN, 2004

BECOMING THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BE L. DAVIS, BROADWAY BOOKS, 1997

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

YOUR PEDIATRICIAN AT KIDS FIRST!!!!

WE ARE HAPPY TO DISCUSS YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR CONCERNS

DEVELOPMENTAL PEDIATRICIAN REFERRAL, IF NECESSARY

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

WWW.KIDSFIRSTPEDIATRICPARTNERS.COM