Download - Where's self-esteem?
The authorI'm a sixteen year-old girl, here I express my
feelings, my thoughts and everything I think every
teenager, or an adult, should know about self-
esteem.
My viewpoint and the one so many teenager have
but everyone's too busy to see it. The lack of self-
esteem that has triggered suicide, depression or
illness. That one that hardly anyone wants to see.
Might seem something weird watching or reading
a teenager talking about this but I think I'm the best
person to speak on this subject because I am myself who wants to know where the
hell is self-esteem.
A serie of events has made me lose completely this quality and I really want to know
how to retrieve it. Looks like a bit ironic that someone who has no self-esteem and
even has an idea about it dares to talk about it, isn't it? But we teenagers are the
ones who lack self-esteem normally. I do not think it's good the failure to love
yourself and all of us should but ... Is it as easy as it sounds?
The vast majority of society or even some teens might laugh at what I wrote or what I
think but at least I know I am free to express my thoughts and not keep quiet like a
coward.
Today I can say I'm still trying to accept me, love me and respect me especially. But
not everything is so physically I still think it'll take a long time to get it.
Traumatic events, fears, insecurities stop me ... Or am I the one doing it? Currently
do not know if it's an excuse or just am not able to.
I am here to be read and listened.
So here's the big question... Where is it?Why people sometimes don’t consider this as something important?
Why is sometimes is more important to be smart than to feel good with
yourself?
What’s self-esteem?
Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect person's overall emotional
evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an
attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am
competent," "I am worthy") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and
shame.
Smith and Mackie define it by saying "The self-concept is what we think about
the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how
we feel about it. Self-esteem is also known as the evaluative dimension of the
self that includes feelings of worthiness, prides and discouragement. One's self-
esteem is also closely associated with self-consciousness.
As a social psychological construct, self-esteem is attractive because
researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of relevant
outcomes, such as academic achievement or exercise behavior. In addition,
self-esteem has also been treated as an important outcome due to its close
relation with psychological well-being. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a
particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer and I feel
happy about that") or a global extent (for example, "I believe I am a bad
person, and feel bad about myself in general"). Psychologists usually regard
self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic ("trait" self-esteem),
through normal, short-term variations ("state" self-esteem) also exist.
Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth, self-regard,self-
respect and self-integrity.
We constantly are being bombed with this topic nowadays but no one really
cares for it, why not? What about those girls or guys who look in the mirror
and don’t like what they see? What about them? What about us? What about
you? What about me? I just wonder…
When a girl don’t feel so good with herselves they just call her ‘‘a very striking
girl’’ but no one really has the right.
Have anyone asked why they don’t trust themselves, like themselves or LOVE
themselves? I just wonder…
Sometimes this lack of self-esteem causes
illness, sadness, cuts and sometimes depression
even but some people just seem to laugh at
these kind of problems. They just make fun of it,
but guys you must know it’s not funny.
It’s easy to give an advice but is not that easy to
put into practice. Professionals try to give
techniques to accept ourselves, they seem quite
easy but when it comes to do them it can be one of the hardest thing you could
ever do in your life. When your reflection is that one thing you hate, how could
you tell yourself you love your face, your legs, your nose, your hands, your feet
or just your hair. Let me tell you this, you can’t. We can’t. They can’t. And I
can’t.
People always say ‘‘You have to love yourself first to love others’’ but… What
about that people who care more about their friends, their family or just the
people around them? What about them? That people has the lack but they still
love the people around.
By this time, every single person reading this must be saying ‘‘You only make
questions but you never give answers’’ and yes, that’s true, but how can I give
an answer if I have this lack and I’m also trying to find it out too? It’s not bad
to accept it, the only really thing I consider bad is breaking down and giving up
since the very first moment.
Seems funny when some celebrities
who have stunning bodies and
gorgeous faces can be insecure but not
everything is about the body though.
It’s hard to understand it though but
why? Someone could be beautiful but
be insecure. How is this possible? Let
me tell you how, someone pretty who
does something but feels like can’t do
anything good can have this lack of
self-esteem ‘cause we all want to feel
useful and be smart. At least, the
people I know want that. So it’s time to understand that self-esteem is not only
about our bodies or our faces. It’s time to do it.
We can find tons and tons of books, movies, song or poems to try to change
everyone’s mind and learn to accept ourselves but… That’s something we have
to do, that’s something we have to want to do. Understood?
50 Songs that Up Your
Self-Esteemby ANNE-SOPHIE REINHARDT on FEBRUARY 4, 2013
Music, oh how I adore and treasure it.
Music, like nothing else, has the power to transport emotions and memories
through time and space. Knowingly or not, a certain song has the power to
leave an imprint on your mind, never to be erased again.
Once you hear that song, even if a decade has passed, the vault of feelings
opens itself and spills a bunch of memories you thought you’d long forgotten.
There’s the memorie of us kids singing It’s Raining Men on the top of our lungs
on the 9-hour ride to Saint Tropez driving our parents and grandparents crazy.
Or the memory of the warm Mistral breeze going through my hair while I’m
listening to Christine Aguilera’s Somebody’s Somebody and wistfully dreaming
of the Slovakian guy next door.
Or the time my sister and I took a road trip through the US rocking out to The
Black Eyed Peas’ I Gotta Feeling for hours upon hours.
And my favorite: hearing Train’s Drops of Jupiter the moment I set foot on
American soil for the very first time in my life; a magical moment I’ll never
ever forget.
I could go on and on and on and on.
To me, music is invaluable, it’s often visceral, it’s love and joy and sadness and
nostalgia. It’s an elixir of life.
But not only that, it’s also a perfect way of empowering yourself, giving you
that extra boost of self-esteem when you’re insecure, nervous, feeling down or
beaten by life.
There are a few songs that will never fail to pick you up when life is hard and
here are my 50 favorite ones. Not all of them have incredible lyrics (even
though that’s something I’m especially cautious of), but sometimes we just need
songs with an upbeat tempo, no matter the message, right?
To make this list a bit more diverse, I’ve accumulated a wide range of songs:
some make you dance, some make you think, some make you cry and some
make you cheer.
Enjoy and be sure to tell me YOURS.
1. Demo by Herbert Groenemeyer
2. What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes
3. Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z
4. Crazy by Gnarls Barkley
5. Euphoria by Loreen
6. Balada Boa by Gusttavo Lima
7. Starships by Nicki Minaj
8. Shots by LMFAO
9. Dime Si Te Vas Con El
10. Lennon and Maisy- Headlock by Imogen Heap
11. Family Portrait by Pink (could
12. Till the World Ends by Britney Spears
13. Fighter by Christina Aguilera
14. Nobody Knows by Pink
15. Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
16. The Voice Within by Christina Aguilera
17. I’m OK by Christina Aguilera
18. Soar by Christina Aguilera
19. Fix You by Coldplay
20. Angel by Robbie Williams
21. Mama by Spice Girls
22. I See You by Mika
23. Don’t Speak by No Doubt
24. Survivor by Destiny’s Child
25. Vielleicht by Söhne Mannheims
26. I’m Not Dead by Pink
27. Forever by Chris Brown
28. Don’t Stop Believin’ by the Glee Cast
29. Where is the Love by The Black Eyed Peas
30. The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson
31. Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) by Shakira
32. Dieser Weg by Xavier Naidoo
33. Umbrella by Rihanna
34. Drops of Jupiter by Train
35. Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira
36. Never Ever by All Saints
37. Love on Top by Beyonce
38. Das hat die Welt noch nicht gesehen by Söhne Mannheims
39. Ironic by Alanis Morissette
40. Round the Bend by Adrina Thorpe
41. Girl by Destiny’s Child
42. Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne.
43. Smile by Michael Jackson
44. What Goes Around…Comes Around by Justin Timberlake
45. Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole
46. There’s No Place Like Home by Michael Giacchino
47. Seasons of Love by the Rent Cast
48. Maestro by Hans Zimmer
49. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
50. The Climb by Miley Cyrus
So... What's self-esteem
really?Self-esteem is the basis for making decisions and gauge the likelihood of
success in achieving a goal. The larger, more hopeful and positive thinking can
see the future.
It is the capital that we will invest in it. If low self-esteem interferes with your
ability to socialize, to work, you may need help to see the problem and relearn
to valorate yourself.
To have self-esteem is not about being wonderful, fantastic, but in having a
positive outlook about yourself, about your existential balance, with your debit
and credit. Forgiveness is a great act of love; we must endeavor to pass the
negative pages of grievances, received or inflicted on others or oneself. That's
why I always say that happiness consists in having a good health and a bad
memory.
Today's society does not make people feel happy about themselves. If you're not
rich, famous and you have a wonderful body, you may come to think that your
life is a failure.
However, we need to focus on ourselves and our environment, meet our true
desires, unlinking of impossible goals that society demands.
You have to accept who you are and enjoy it. You have to find what is truly
beautiful in your life as it is now. Accept what you are able to do and what not
in the present.
The benefits of self-acceptance are many, as far as physical and mental health
concerns. People who are accepted unconditionally usually healthy and live a
number of years. His inclination is for enjoy, to continue living and have time
to keep growing.
To live in peace is good to know forgive, to be kind to ourselves and not always
put ourselves in a situation of victims, servants, slaves. And for that you need to
have more value. So I talk about amnestied: stop thinking about what I did or
what I did not because I'm bad, and try to replace it with a more conciliatory
idea at the time I did the best I could. And stop walking looking back, because if
not, we will be prisoners of the past.
We can build self-esteem growing freedom, tenderness, respect, quality reading,
what allows us to know the human soul: art, music ... We need to love more,
give us more good, if I think I'm worth, I deserve things, then I will fight to get
them.
Optimism depends on genes, personality, but also of learning. Think of the
explanations we give to things that affect us (if general, negative) and change
gradually and positive vision of what happens to us and our reading of our
autobiography. Also learn to foster hope. There is real hope that feeds us the
belief that we will achieve the specific goals to work or fight.
The phrase " Think well and live better " should
guide our lives, not the widespread "Think wrong
and be right ." Everyone has inside your code of
what positive thinking right at every moment, and
according to it
should govern your
life. If , when I
wake up I say,
"What joy, what
healthy I am, I am
awesome " , I'll have a pleasant emotional state
that cause welfare in the body, with what I think :
"What good I am" . I have already installed in
the circle of wellness.
We need to regain people 's inner beauty , which is not seen from the outside
and that means in a task that is before caving . As psychiatrists who are drillers
surfaces. Down to the basement, to the depths of the other, and find
consistency , intellectual curiosity , human goodness, order, will, joy , vitality ,
enthusiasm ... That's the inner beauty .
They see in the consultations made many close relationships with demolition
materials , only external beauty that are scandalous transience , which collapse
immediately and leave nothing .
Happiness is associated with having emotions and projects and , above all, not
think that is something dazzling and glorious , but rather to feel good in your
own skin . Are attitudes that help break cowardice, mediocrity ; see the world
for ourselves and not through others and love , starting with ourselves , of
course , because only you can love yourself to love another .
When we are young , we all have some sense of inferiority for two reasons : the
first is that we are all under our own ideal, and the second is that we can feel
the grievance to compare ourselves with others . Therefore, we must do three
things: accept , improve ourselves and make our own potential as a reference
instead of others .
Having self-esteem issues also hurts his amorous possibilities for a double
track . For one, because it has many possibilities for neurotic elections. And
secondly, because, believe not worthy of the love that you profess , suspicious of
the sincerity of the feelings of others .
Self-esteem is the assessment we make of ourselves based on the feelings and
experiences that have been incorporated throughout life. This self-assessment is
very important , since it depends largely on the performance potential of our
staff and our achievements in life. Thus , people who feel good about
themselves , who have good self-esteem, are able to face and solve the
challenges and responsibilities that life poses . By contrast , those with low self-
esteem tend to limit themselves and fail.
The concept of self is developing slowly throughout life, every step brings a
greater or lesser degree , experiences and feelings, which will result in an
overall sense of worth or disability. In childhood we discover that we are
different from other beings and that there are people who accept us and reject
us . From those early experiences of acceptance and rejection of others is when
we begin to generate an idea about what we are worth or not worth .
During adolescence, one of the most critical phases in the development of self-
esteem , the young need to forge a strong identity and get to know their
potential as an individual, also requires social support from others whose
values match your own, and be valuable to move confidently into the future. It
is the time when you move from dependence on people they (the family) loves
independence , to rely on their own resources. If during childhood has
developed a strong self-esteem, it is relatively easy to overcome the crisis and
reach maturity. If you feel little danger of valuable security search for missing
seemingly easy and rewarding ways, but ultimately destructive.
Low self-esteem is related to a distortion of thought (inadequate way of
thinking) . People with low self-esteem have a very distorted view what they
really are . At the same time , these people maintain extraordinarily
perfectionistic demands on what should be or accomplish .
It is important to know ourselves and be aware of how our self-esteem is , since
then we can apply ourselves to strengthen it and make it more secure when it
comes to face our fears ( the aerofobia one of them?) . Consider our strengths
and positive abilities that we have, are they enough ? Do we need to work on
them ?
Why do I have low self
esteem ?There are several factors that can make us have low self esteem. Detecting them
is the first step to affect us as possible. Some of these factors are:
People who want us wrong : it is true that "we must not live" with the opinion
of others , but the truth is that we all like to feel loved and flattered . However,
there are people who are surrounded by real thieves who are constantly making
self- reproaches, devaluations and Destructiv reviews
Trend comparisons : some people do not cease to be compared with other
envying what these and not thinking about what they can do constructively to
resemble them. This makes your self-esteem goes down an important way to
generate significant levels of frustration .
Avoid challenges : it is better to try and fail than not to try. Some people avoid
all kinds of circumstances in which they have " everything to gain " . This
makes your self-confidence is also not always make them believe that really
need someone stronger than them to overcome difficulties develop.
Destructive criticism: being around people who do not help us grow makes us
feel bad and worse self-esteem . It is important to reject and not address the
destructive criticism (those that do not bring us, but we just make them feel bad
) , and yes cater to constructive criticism (those that , little as I like, tell me
what I've done supposedly bad helping to improve ) . Be clear that you can
teach people to treat you a certain way.
Characteristics of a person with low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem tend to
have a range of behaviors in which
the low valuation of themselves
reflected . Although , as in many
fields of psychology can not
generalize here , the fact is that
some behaviors such as the
following are common in people
with low self-esteem :
People with low self-esteem tend to be constantly looking for opinions of others
showing a lack of confidence in making personal decisions.
Need to have someone they consider stronger to face the difficulties of his life ,
which increases the risk of dependency of such persons.
They are afraid to face new challenges (eg new jobs, let a couple that are not
well ... ) , suspicious of the ability to address even though even experience tell
you otherwise .
Those who low self esteem affects your physical body will tend to hide (not go
to the pool , wear loose clothing , etc.) and dress in the most unobtrusive way
possible.
Obviously, all these patterns of inappropriate behavior significantly interfere in
your life affecting your mood, work and social relations , among others.
Self-esteem in the
adolescence.Adolescence is a period of change . You can feel happy for them or you can
also feel very puzzled and unhappy . It's hard to find teenagers without
complexes, insecurities and embarrassments . Most often, you take some time to
adjust to changes in your body and even more than these new features of your
body you like and make you feel satisfied with yourself . You may become a
great source of stress, depression and anxiety.
We have received many letters from you with concerns ranging from weight , to
the height , the size of the breasts , cellulite , having the rule and other anxieties
that have become complex to prevent lead a relaxed and happy life .
This is the period of greatest challenges of your life in which you will have to
think about developing what we call self-esteem. You can not let the complex
reach decrease your sense of personal worth . Ie you must not let anything
bring you down and allow make you lose your security.
What can lower self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can come from excessive criticism from parents. Some parents ,
with good intentions, use compared to other children , or the custom of giving
children labels or forget to reward good deeds and disapprove only remember
the bad . This is a way to educate that ultimately achieves the desired
anticompetitive effects and causes insecurity in children.
It is also common that other kids do the same things , and bring out some
physical defect from his colleagues , or give nicknames , or reject them for
being different . These attitudes are common among children, who sometimes
do not care too much about the feelings of other children.
The problem comes when you get to believe the reviews and think you are worth
less than others . When this happens, you can transform yourself into someone
who is just asking to be approved and valued by others, and this need to avoid
rejection makes you humble yourself and give more than they deserve for you
want.
How to keep your self in shape.
– Recalls often your
small successes .
– Identify your strengths
and think about them .
– Make a list of your
qualities and recite it
aloud to the mirror.
– Write down on paper
your own negative
labels and next to
them write a more compassionate claim.
– Think you're not responsible for others to be happy. If you get angry or
feel bad , it's not your fault.
– Do not accept for the good opinions of others about you. Reflect and
think if they are based on sound facts.
– Accept your weaknesses and errors as behaviors. Behaviors are things
that can be changed . The errors do not affect your personal value. You
are you and your mistakes are actions that you can correct and learn
from them .
– Do not compare yourself with others. You are neither inferior nor
superior. You are yourself and follow your own lane.
– Do not say yes to everything they ask you to not get angry . Try to only
commit to things you want to do .
– Do what you want to do and not what others think you should do.
Have I really learnt
something?The influence of the family in the child 's self-esteem is very important because
this is the one that teaches or transmits the first and most important values to
bring the child to form , following these , their personality and their self-
esteem. Parents often work in different ways , which can be harmful to the child
leaving marks hard and continuous hidden pain that will influence the
development of their life these parents are called martyrs or dictators. But there
are those who will value and recognize their achievements and efforts and
contribute to enhancing the personality.
Another important factor that influences the family, is communication, as they
are closely related. As our parents have informed us , these will be the factors
that influence our personality, our behavior , our way of judge and relate to
others . These experiences remain within our lifetime. So you have to learn to
recognize and cancel its power to not continue to make us suffer , and not
passing them on to our children.
There is a close relationship between society , the family and the individual,
since society is that the person presents a social model with customs and a
culture that through the family are transmitted to the individual. But when the
members thereof, have permanent issues inside by a painful past in childhood
will transmit the same pain and the same confusion his son , causing
communication problems in the social environment.
To help a person with low self-esteem , first of all must be aware of what is
happening , then the can help taking it to a specialist and supporting during
treatment or recovery process. In the case of children , the school also plays an
important role as it is a must have strategy and ways to help your child with
these so distorted feelings that cause so many problems.
Society serves a very important function for the person , because from this
culture , the family takes different patterns or ways of life that are transmitted
to its members and determine or help form the personality of each one , taking
this as a social model .
People who have little confidence in their ability in society , roles tend to look
subdued and avoid situations that require taking responsibility.
In our society the self-esteem of a person is to some extent linked to what he
does for a living . For example : a man can achieve a high social position and
have nevertheless low self esteem. You can be aware of the importance , but still
considered himself a despicable , unworthy of respect and affection of the other
human being. " You may experience chronic feelings of inferiority because he is
not good looking ... " You may feel that is physically weak or a coward , or may
be considered condemned because of their ethnic identity.
The criteria by which the people themselves are evaluated are cultural. Some of
these criteria are: if you're fat, skinny , cute, ugly , white, black , blond , dark-
haired , or if you have the ability to fight , honesty, ability to withstand pain ,
cunning to make money, manners, ability to manipulate other people , etc. ..
Everyone sees herself from her point of view of the groups involved and
everything that one think positively or negatively affect the personality or
mindset.
So it's time to think better if your comments will hurt anyone...