*20Students

*# 1Puan Kamariah : My daughter has a B.Sc.Mrs. Chong : My son just graduated with a B.E. En. Ali : Last year my nephew got an LL.B En. Muthu : Ha! But my son is the only one with a J.O.B.

*# 2 A mother noticed her little daughter praying. Please God, the little girl kept saying. Bless my father and my mother and make Melaka the Capital of Malaysia. Why did you make such a strange request? the mother asked. Because thats what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!

*# 3Little Mary : In my family, Im scared of my Mummy. Little Sabri : Im scared of my Daddy. Little Samy : Its my Granny Im afraid of. Little Mary : What about you Chong? Little Chong : Ho! Ho! In my family, all the three are scared of me!

*# 4Teacher : Sani, if you had 5 dollars and you asked your mother for another 5, how many dollars would you have? Sani : 5 dollars Sir!Teacher : You dont know your Arithmetic. Sani : But Sir, you dont know my mother!

*# 5A husband phoned his wife from his office.Husband : Ive got two tickets for the fashion show in town. Wife : Thats wonderful! Ill start getting ready straight away. Husband : Youd better do. The tickets are for tomorrows show.

*# 6Teacher to Doctors daughter : Your grades are terrible! I shall send for your father! The Doctors daughter : If I were you Teacher, I wouldnt. Daddy always charges 20 dollars for each visit.

*# 7An examination candidate who knew very little English once attended an oral English examination. The Examiner : What is your name? Candidate : Me Chikaboombayba! Examiner : How many are there in your family? Candidate : Not many. Me, me sister, me mother, and father. Examiner : Who does the cooking at home?After a long period of silence, the examiner tried to help. Examiner : Well, your mother or your sister? And the Candidate replied : Your mother!

*# 8Mother : Susie, how was the play you attended at the theatre? Did it have a happy ending?Susie : Yes, in a way. Everybody was very happy when it finally ended.

*# 9 This is a hold-up, the thief told the miserly old man. Hand over your money or elseOr else what? the old man shot back.Please dont confuse me, the thief begged. This is my first job.

*# 10Naughty boy : Mummy, what will I get for my birthday? Mummy : Close your eyes. Now tell me what you see. Naughty boy : Nothing, Mummy. Mummy said : Thats what you are going to get for your birthday!Nothing!

*# 11Father : Now Son, be good while Im away.Son : OK Dad. Ill be good for ten dollars.Father : Thats too much Son! When I was your age, I was good for nothing!

*# 12Tan : Please lend me one hundred dollars.Lim : Sorry, I have only sixty dollars.Tan : Its okay. Let me have the sixty and you can owe me the other forty dollars.

*# 13Robber : Hand over your money or Ill shoot you through your heart.The Young Man : Shoot me cause I need the money for my old age.

*# 14Molly : Mummy, please ask for a new teacher for me. Mother : Why, darling? Molly : My teacher can never make up her mind. The day before yesterday, she said 5 and 4 make 9. Yesterday she said 2 and 7 make 9 and today she said that its 3 and 6 that make 9!

*# 15First teacher : Too bad, Tan Ah Chong has the best attendance record in the class. Second teacher : Why should this be bad? First teacher : He also has the worst discipline record in the school!

*# 16Girl : You remind me of the sea or the ocean.Boy : Why thats nice! Wild, restless and romantic?Girl : No, you make me feel sick!

*# 17Girl (in romantic mood) : Tom, can you say three words that will make me float in the air?Tom : Go hang yourself!

*# 18Customer : Waiter, what kind of a drink is this? I ordered guava juice but this tastes like kerosene.Waiter : Sorry Sir, that must be apple juice. Our guava juice here tastes like soap.

*# 19The teacher asked his students to draw a ring. As expected, all drew objects with circular shapes. However, one little boy drew a square. Why have you drawn a square? the teacher asked. Mine is a boxing ring, Sir, the boy replied.

*# 20Peter : Daddy, I got a hundred marks in school today! Father : Why, thats wonderful! For what did you get a hundred in? Peter : 30 marks for Maths, 50 marks for English and 20 marks for Science. Altogether 100 marks!

*The End

Dont Worry. Be Happy. With Metta, Bro. Oh Teik Bin

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