INSPIRE ME

BY SAMANTHA GRAY

© 2012

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

PART I - ENVIRONMENT

PART II - PROCESS

ORSON WELLES MARCUS MUMFORD THE BUCK THE CROW THE COYOTE LOVER’S EYES NEIL YOUNG

PART III - SKETCH

LLAMA THE BEAST MASTER HUNTER AN EDUCATION LAURA MARLING

AFTERWARD

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INTRODUCTION

I’ve never seen myself as a creative person. Whether I’m drawing, painting or trying out some other artistic method, I always see my work as a reflection of something in my environment, as opposed to something I created on my

own. My drawings are usually based strictly off of reference photos; my sketches are inspired by music and movies. Even my own ideas are usually driven from a desire to be funny or deep, two conflicting needs that I can’t quite reconcile. I suppose this has quite a bit to do with who I am as a person, and how I haven’t quite settled on who that person is yet, after 22 years. I think you show a part of yourself in your creative efforts, and the fact that all of mine are based on movies, television, and books worries me time and again. I feel inspired, but not inwardly so. Am I the only person consistently unable to inspire myself?

This book was a search for answers. I draw when I’m most inspired, which is why drawing is the focus of this book. I looked for what inspired me, and when. This has been a very busy time in my life, and a time of change. I will be graduating in just a few weeks, and there’s a lot still to be seen and done before I do so. I wondered if that would affect what I drew, what inspired me, and what my goals were. I wondered if I would find out a bit more about who I am before I head off into the world.

I think there’s been a stereotype for a long time about artists of any type being lonely and tortured souls. You could look at Hemingway and his alcoholism and suicide, or Sylvia Plath and her depression (and suicide, with her children in the other room). Orson Welles, who is featured in this book, was also a brilliant creative mind who drank himself into oblivion by the end. I wonder if those who pursue artistic endeavors use this as an excuse to be lost and unsatisfied – if the very best of us were, why should we be ashamed or fed up with the fact that we can’t find ourselves? Perhaps that even makes us a bit more dramatic and memorable in the end.

I hope I can become creative someday. But I’m afraid that will only happen when I possess the ability to inspire myself and form ideas on my own. I made this book to study what inspires me and how I work; to hopefully learn a bit more about myself and how to change the things I don’t like. I want to be inventive like Hemingway and Welles, but perhaps I don’t have to be bound to their fate. The best I can do at this point is learn from them, and myself, and take those lessons to heart.

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PART I - ENVIRONMENT

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Perhaps I’m just too settled in my ways, but the environment in which I draw has a huge effect on my concentration

and output. Am I a cranky old soul when it comes to this; the type who would complain to the waiter if the group at the table next to them was talking too loudly? Absolutely. I latch onto what works and stick to it, losing all ability to focus or feel inspired if I change my routine at all.

Right now, my best working environment is my room. I try to draw or read in cafes, but there are far too many distractions. If I don’t like the music, I get cranky. If I feel like my hair doesn’t look very good and I’m around people, I get cranky. I’ll admit it. In my room, I can be a total mess and watch whatever movies I want, listen to whatever music I want while I draw. I can zone in on the only thing that should matter – what I’m drawing.

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“The arts are not a way of making a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake.” -Kurt Vonnegut

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PART II - PROCESS

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I decided to focus a good deal of the book on the drawing process, because it’s something I’ve never thought about before. I know where I need to be and how I need to feel to start a drawing, but

once I start, I lose track of what I’m doing until I’m finished. I wondered if there were any hidden bits of creativity or inspiration hiding in there to be found.

I discovered that documenting the drawing process pretty much ruins it. The best thing about drawing a picture is having hours pass in no time, zoning in and coming away with a product you can be proud of. Getting up every several minutes to take a snapshot completely took me out of the zone, and made getting back into it a bit tricky every time. It was certainly neat to see these drawings in their unfinished stages, and I’m very glad I found a way to combine two visual media that mean a lot to me. I also loved being able to see how long each drawing took by checking the time attached to each photograph; I’ve never kept track of how long it takes me to draw anything. But despite the plus sides, I think progress shots are not something I would do again if I can help it.

I learned from this experience that there’s a pattern to the way I draw, but a very loose one. It varies depending on the reference, and what media I’m using. I usually begin with a light outline of everything, or at least the parts I find essential, and then start filling in the shadows. I was told in my art class in high school that you should shade from light to dark, but as with so many other things, I do this incorrectly.

I think the greatest thing about drawing a person is not just making your drawing look like them, but also capturing their essence. I’m not sure if that makes much sense, but it remains important to me. You get a feeling from different people, even just through photographs of them. I think that feeling, and my need to portray it, causes me to draw some people more than others (i.e. Marcus Mumford). You can capture it in different ways – many times it’s in their eyes, but not always. I’ve had drawings before that clicked when I added a detail to their nose. I’m not sure how to explain it better than that, but it’s something I truly gravitate to. Animals have a personality too, and I love drawing them almost as much. They can have so much grace and power, or humor and wit in them. It’s part of the fun to capture that.

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ORSON WELLES

“I do not suppose I shall be remembered for anything. But I don’t think about my work in those terms. It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money.”

This semester, I became a huge fan of Orson Welles. I was given a collection of movies at the beginning of the year, one of which was Citizen

Kane. My love of classics like Casablanca and Breakfast at Tiffany’s led me to give this widely acclaimed film a chance. Welles impressed me to no end – the fact that he wrote, directed, and starred in Citizen Kane at the age of 26 was amazing in my eyes. I watched other films that he starred in, like The Lady from Shanghai and The Third Man. I became increasingly inspired by his talent, and read as much as I could about his life. Through pop culture over the years, I already knew the less glamorous aspects of his life in later years. But I knew that through his success and failure, there was much to be learned.

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Marcus mumford

“Don’t test the ones you love; It will only tear us down. If you want to feel alive, then learn to love your ground.”

Everyone who knows me is aware of my love for the band Mumford & Sons. I feel irritating even writing about it, because I know everyone’s

heard me go on about them already. I’ve been lucky enough to see the best of this band, when I attended their memorial concert for a young Philadelphian who passed away last year. They came over from London just to play to his family and friends, and refused to let the media cover it because they weren’t looking for any attention or good press. Even before that, their lyrics and passion inspired me more than any band has before or since. I’ve gotten through many days just on the hope that they’ve given me. I can’t help but draw them because I’m very grateful for what they’ve inspired me to persevere through.

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THE BUCK

“I was a stricken deer, that left the herd Long since.” -William Cowper

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The Crow“Where the vast cloudless sky was broken by one crow I sat upon a hill - all alone - long ago; But I never felt so lonely and so out of God’s way, As here, where I brush elbows with a thousand every day.” -Harry Kemp

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The Coyote“Whenever the pressure of our complex city life thins my blood and numbs my brain, I seek relief in the trail; and when I hear the coyote wailing to the yellow dawn, my cares fall from me - I am happy.” -Hamlin Garland

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Lover’s Eyes

“But do not ask the price I pay;

I must live with my quiet rage. Tame the ghosts in my head That run wild and wish me dead.” -Mumford & Sons

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Neil Young’s music reaches back through my years as far as I can remember. My musical taste has always been inspired by my dad and my older

brothers, and I remember recognizing the meaningful melancholy in Young’s jangly voice even when I was in elementary school, listening to Harvest on cassette with my brothers. For years now, my all-time favorite song has been Heart of Gold by Neil Young. There’s something so simply honest about the song, and I haven’t heard anything that’s affected me in quite the same way since. I think we all have grand wishes and simple wishes in life, and sometimes the simple ones are the most pressing and essential. Searching for someone to love, and someone to love you for what you are, is for some people a long and frustrating process that weighs on you like a dull ache. This song turns that ache into a cathartic stab – it’s painfully satisfying to know that you are not alone.

Neil Young

“I want to live I want to give I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.”

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PART III - SKETCH

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The drawings in this section are all doodles I have done in class this semester (though, of course, not in

Photo Seminar). For some reason, I’m able to think up goofy or inventive things mainly when I should be paying attention in the classroom. What does this say about me? I haven’t been able to figure that out yet.

It’s a bit frustrating; no matter how hard I try, creativity just isn’t something I can turn on and off at will. Usually it strikes at the worst times - when I should be listening, or studying, or sleeping - and I always go with it, to take advantage of any moment of inspiration. It’s why I take my sketchbook with me most places I go. Just in case.

My favorite part of sketching is being able to combine influences, and also to visualize little musings I have at odd times. The sketches in this section are either things I’ve thought up when I can’t sleep, or the result of finding parallels between different interests.

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LLAMA

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EDUCATION

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MASTER HUNTER

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THE BEAST

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Laura Marling was the inspiration for the past three drawings. She is a singer from England who is wise beyond her

years; she is actually a bit younger than me. I met Laura late last semester, and it was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. Her music gets into my mind and my heart, a combination ideal for creation. Whether I sketch based on her lyrics, her album artwork (inspiration for The Beast), or just her general essence, I find no end to her inspiration.

Through Mumford & Sons and Laura Marling, I realized what a huge influence music has had on my artwork this past year. I’m not a very musical person; I used to play the piano and Mumford & Sons’ music inspired me to try out the mandolin. However, I like the idea that one media can interact with and influence the other, and I guess that’s what’s been getting me through this past year.

MARLING

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Afterward

This was a learning experience, as I said at the beginning of the book. I had just as many realizations while taking photos and drawing pictures as I did

while writing reflections. Overall, I think there isn’t too much wrong with not knowing who you are, as long as you don’t let it consume you. As long as you don’t let that define how you act and what you take from your interactions with others. Life is about discovery, and I suppose discovering things about yourself should, if you’re living your life to the fullest, be a perpetual process. We all change, for good and for bad, and just in general. You can resist change, or you can steer it in the direction you’d like it to go. So whether you keep track of your inspirations like I did, or you observe the people you keep close to you, or find some other way to look at yourself - I suggest you do it, and pay attention to what you find.

Dreaming of being the next Welles or Hemingway, I have learned, is a silly goal. Why strive to be someone other than yourself, even if you aren’t totally sure who that is? Yes, there is something that we can learn from the great (and not so great) people that have come before us. But there is much to be learned just from studying what you do and what inspires you.

I’m heading to a new part of my life, and knowing even a little bit more about myself makes me feel that much more secure about graduating. There’s always room to grow, and that’s exciting to me. I may find new means of inspiration someday, or lose inspiration altogether. It’s a slippery acquisition to hang on to, at least for me.

But I’ll keep trying.