Halloween Jokes for Kids

Time for a break from Halloween stories, let us have a few laughs:

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers (Dayscare centres in the UK)

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog? I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo

How did the ghost sew his sheet? With a pumpkin patch.

Why did the witches' team lose the table tennis game? Their bats flew away

Why was big sister Joanne unhappy when she won first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?Because Joanne had only come to collect her brother!

Why was Felix tickled by the chicken wings at the Halloween party?Because the feathers were still on the chickens!

What do ghosts like to dance to?Soul music!

'The Pumpkin'

...There was once a pumpkin who lived on a farm with a very kind farmer...and a lot of other pumpkins.

The farmer was a good man who loved his pumpkins very much, and he always spoke kindly to them. He took good care of them and taught them all how to be good.

In the morning, he sang a sweet song to his pumpkins, and after lunch, he told them to sit very still and soak up the sunshine. Then, as it began to get dark each evening, this farmer came to his pumpkins and told them to drink up the water from the ground through their roots--very slowly. (It's kind of like drinking through a straw when pumpkins drink water through their roots.) Then, when it was time to go to bed, he came again and told them all to go to sleep and get plenty of rest so that they could grow up big and strong.

There was one pumpkin that did everything he asked. When it was time to sit quietly and soak up the sun, she did it. When it was time to drink up the water, she sucked it up nice and slow, just as he showed her. And when it was dark and the farmer said, 'Sleep, little ones...' our pumpkin would smile and let her body relax, and soon she would be fast asleep.

It was a nice life, and the pumpkin was happy because the farmer loved her. She was really glad when he told her that she was special and pretty. She wanted to make the farmer proud. And when they were all little, the pumpkins were very good and loved each other. It was perfect!

But the pumpkins began to grow, and as they did, they all changed. Each one got stronger, fatter, and could do more things. Everyone except our sweet little pumpkin. Instead of growing bigger, she stayed small, and when all of the other pumpkins began staying up late or would not to soak up the sun or drink their water, our little green pumpkin kept being good. She obeyed the farmer even when everyone else didn't, but soon, the other pumpkins began to make fun of her.

'Ooh, there's the good little baby! She never does anything wrong...she's so GOOOOOD!' When the farmer said it, all of that sounded nice. But now, they were saying it to her in a new way--in a mean way. She didn't feel proud when THEY said it...she felt embarrassed and sad. Why did they have to pick on her?

For the next few days, life was hard for our little pumpkin. All of the other pumpkins laughed at her when she sat very still and quiet, soaking up the sun. They all wanted to talk and laugh and say mean things about her--none of them sat still. And when it was time to drink water, she kept drinking nice and slow, while they gulped it down so that they could go back and play.

After a while, the pumpkins began to grow up. Every day, the farmer came and said, 'We're going to have delicious pies this year--yes, indeed, they will be lovely.' All of the pumpkins were proud of that. They each wanted to be eaten and enjoyed by the farmer. But everyone knew that there was something better.

All of the pumpkins had heard the story of the seed pumpkin. Each year, the farmer chose a very special pumpkin that he didn't cook. That pumpkin was always the biggest and most beautiful pumpkin of them all. The farmer would choose the best pumpkin, take out all of the seeds, and plant them for next year. Her mom had been the seed pumpkin last year. This year, her biggest dream was to be chosen.

Deep down, she knew she wouldn't be chosen. After all she had tried to be good, and even after working so hard and doing everything right, she was still the smallest pumpkin. She was also the only one left who was green. All of the other pumpkins had turned orange by now. She was sad about that--she still looked like a baby!

A few days later, the farmer came over to her and said, 'You remind me of your mother. You'll surprise us all yet.' She didn't understand him, but she knew that he loved her, and that made her happy. The little green pumpkin smiled and decided that even if she never was special, she was glad that she had been good, because the farmer was happy with her. She went to sleep that night very glad, and all of the days until the big harvest party, she was still happy.

During this time, she started turning orange. It was a nice change, and she liked her new color. Also, the other pumpkins stopped making fun of her. In fact, they made friends and were very nice to her now. She was glad about that, but she didn't stop being good, even

when they asked her to play during sun-soaking time. 'Nope, I have to do what the farmer says,' she would answer. And they didn't laugh at her. She wondered why...

The harvest party finally came, and the farmer was very busy in his house. He didn't even come out to speak to them that morning, but they weren't sad. This was the day that the seed pumpkin would be chosen. 'We all know who that's going to be,' one of the pumpkins said, and everyone agreed. 'Who?' said our pumpkin. But no one would answer her; they just kept on drinking. They were all trying to drink extra today so that they would be sweet and juicy when they were made into pies.

The farmer finally came out to them before the harvesters came. Smiling, he cut our pumpkin's roots free and picked her up, saying, 'Your time has come, my little Baby.' Smiling, the pumpkin felt very happy. She guessed that he planned to make an early pie of her, and she was proud of being chosen. Happily, she bounced against his chest as he carried her into the house.

The pumpkin looked around the house, thinking of her mother. 'She was in here, when she was chosen as the seed pumpkin. I wish I could have been like her.' Suddenly, she missed her mother, and she began to cry. 'Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I didn't get to make you proud. I'm sorry that they didn't choose me to be the seed pumpkin...'

The farmer walked by a wall that had pictures of all his old seed pumpkins. She saw her grandfather, her mother, and finally, it looked like another picture of her mother again. But then, she realized it wasn't a picture! It was a mirror! She looked just like her mother, the old seed pumpkin, and she suddenly had an idea...

The farmer took her into the kitchen and laid her on the counter. Smiling, he said, 'You were chosen because you wanted to be good, and you love to obey. I knew that you would grow bigger and brighter than the others because you were the best one inside, and when a pumpkin is good inside, it will someday turn pretty outside. Smiling, the pumpkin realized that being good was hard, but it was worth it. And she was very, very, happy.

When the other pumpkins saw the seeds, they all were sorry that they had been bad. But it was too late for them. They had lost their chance to be the seed pumpkin. But they could still be good, and they decided to be good right then! Because of their changed hearts, they made yummy pies. And when people remembered the party, they said, 'It was the best one we ever had!'

THE END

Jack-o-Lantern Story of Old Jack

Once upon a very long time ago, there lived a great big pumpkin. I can remember walking down that old country road and seeing that poor old pumpkin just sitting in the pumpkin

patch. Nobody else wanted him because he was just too big and it would have been too much work to clean and carve him. Ah, old Jack. He sure was a handsome pumpkin.

I decided right then and there, that I just had to have that pumpkin. I picked up that pumpkin and I carried him all the way home, all by myself. He was a very heavy pumpkin and I just about broke my back getting him home but, I made it safely.

I lived in an old log cabin all by myself. I was a lonely old fellow, way back then. It was just me and my old black cat, Bumpkins.

Me and Bumpkins go way back. He was just a tiny kitten when he showed up at my doorstep one Halloween night, many years ago. And, do you want to know something? Bumpkins was the only one that has turned up at my doorstep since.

Over the years, I bought bags and bags of candy. No-one came. I was sad to see all that candy go to waste, but more than anything else, I wanted to see some happy faces around here. I simply gave up on Halloween this one year. I decided that I wasn't going to carve a pumpkin that year! I had also decided that I wasn't going to shell out any candy. I was bound and determined that I wasn't going to celebrate Halloween that year. That was until I had spotted Old Jack in that pumpkin patch.

I couldn't believe no one had picked that huge pumpkin from the patch. As soon as I spotted Old Jack, I knew that this Halloween was going to be the best ever.

Old Bumpkins quite approved of my choice for that year's jack-o-lantern. As soon as Bumpkins laid eyes on Jack, he let out a loud happy meow. It was love at first sight.

Bumpkins and I tenderly carved Old Jack out with care. He turned out perfectly. His toothy smile radiated a special glow when I set him outside on my front porch and lit his candle. I had no sooner lit the candle and there, right on my front doorstep were all kinds of happy faces around me. I was so happy myself that I had tears coming out of my eyes as I shelled out the candy to them.

Old Jack saved my Halloween that year. I kept the seeds from that pumpkin and the following spring I planted them in my garden. Every year now, all my jack-o-lanterns are a part of Old Jack and I've never had a lonely Halloween since.