Father ForgetsFather Forgets忘记忘记

by W. Livingston Larnedby W. Livingston Larned

Listen, son;Listen, son;

I am saying this as you lieI am saying this as you lieasleep,asleep,one little paw crumpled underone little paw crumpled underyour cheek,your cheek,and the blond curls stickily wetand the blond curls stickily weton your damp forehead.on your damp forehead.

I have stolen into your room,I have stolen into your room,alone. alone.

Just a few minutes ago, as I sat Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library,reading my paper in the library,a stifling wave of remorse swepta stifling wave of remorse sweptover me.over me.

Guiltily, I came to your bedside. Guiltily, I came to your bedside.

These are the things I wasThese are the things I wasthinking, son:thinking, son:

I had been cross to you.I had been cross to you.

I scolded you as you were I scolded you as you were dressing for school because youdressing for school because yougave your face merely a dab gave your face merely a dab with a towel.with a towel.

静听，静听，我儿：我儿：

我在你熟睡的时候对我在你熟睡的时候对你你说，说，一只小手掌，一只小手掌，在你的脸 下压皱，在你的脸 下压皱，金发贴在你潮湿的 额上。金发贴在你潮湿的 额上。

我独自偷进你的房内，我独自偷进你的房内，只几 分钟以前，只几 分钟以前，我坐在图书馆阅 报时，我坐在图书馆阅 报时，一种窒息的懊悔情绪 扫荡我一种窒息的懊悔情绪 扫荡我全身，全身，我引咎的来到 你的床前。 我引咎的来到 你的床前。

孩儿，孩儿，这些是我所想的事：这些是我所想的事：我曾对你粗暴，我曾对你粗暴，你整装入学的时候，你整装入学的时候，我责骂你，我责骂你，因为你只用毛巾将脸一抹。因为你只用毛巾将脸一抹。

I took you to task for not I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.cleaning your shoes.

I called out angrily when you I called out angrily when you threw some of your things onthrew some of your things onthe floor. the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too.At breakfast I found fault, too.

You spilled things.You spilled things.

You gulped down your food.You gulped down your food.

You put your elbows on theYou put your elbows on thetable.table.

You spread butter too thick onYou spread butter too thick onyour bread. your bread.

And as you started off to play And as you started off to play and I made for my train, youand I made for my train, youturned and waved a hand and turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!“called, "Goodbye, Daddy!“and I frowned, and said in reply,and I frowned, and said in reply,"Hold your shoulders back!" "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again inThen it began all over again inthe late afternoon.the late afternoon.

As I came up the road, I spiedAs I came up the road, I spiedyou, down on your knees,you, down on your knees,playing marbles.playing marbles.

There were holes in yourThere were holes in yourstockings.stockings.

I humiliated you before youI humiliated you before youboyfriends by marching you boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house.ahead of me to the house.

Stockings were expensive – Stockings were expensive – and if you had to buy them,and if you had to buy them,you’d be more careful!you’d be more careful!

Imagine that, son, from a father! Imagine that, son, from a father!

我因为你你没有擦鞋，我因为你你没有擦鞋，而让你劳动。而让你劳动。

当你将东西掷在地板当你将东西掷在地板上时，上时，我愤怒的大声呵斥。我愤怒的大声呵斥。

早餐时，早餐时，我也找错。我也找错。

你溢出了东西，你溢出了东西，你吞下你的食物，你吞下你的食物，你将肘放在桌上，你将肘放在桌上，你在面包上抹黄油太厚。你在面包上抹黄油太厚。

当你开始游戏时，当你开始游戏时，我去赶火车的时候，我去赶火车的时候，你转过来挥挥手嚷着：你转过来挥挥手嚷着：““ 爸爸，再见？”爸爸，再见？”

我又皱起眉头来回答我又皱起眉头来回答说：说：““ 将胸膛挺起来！” 将胸膛挺起来！”

你记得吗？你记得吗？后来，后来，当我在书房阅读时，当我在书房阅读时，你怎样畏缩地进来，你怎样畏缩地进来，眼中含着一种伤感的神色。眼中含着一种伤感的神色。

当我读完报纸抬起头当我读完报纸抬起头来来一看，一看，对于你的搅扰很不耐烦，对于你的搅扰很不耐烦，你在门边犹豫。你在门边犹豫。

““ 你要什么？”你要什么？”我怒喝着。 我怒喝着。

Do you remember, later, when IDo you remember, later, when Iwas reading in the library, how was reading in the library, how you came in, timidly, with a sortyou came in, timidly, with a sortof, hurt look in your eyes?of, hurt look in your eyes?

When I glanced up over myWhen I glanced up over mypaper, impatient at thepaper, impatient at theinterruption, you hesitated at theinterruption, you hesitated at thedoor.door.

"What is it you want?“ "What is it you want?“ I snapped. I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran acrossYou said nothing, but ran acrossin one tempestuous plunge, andin one tempestuous plunge, andthrew your arms around my threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightenedand your small arms tightenedwith an affection that God had with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart, and set blooming in your heart, and which even neglect could notwhich even neglect could notwither.wither.

And then you were gone,And then you were gone,pattering up the stairs. pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly Well, son, it was shortly afterwards, that my paperafterwards, that my paperslipped from my hands,slipped from my hands,and a terrible sickening fear came over me.and a terrible sickening fear came over me.

What has habit been doing toWhat has habit been doing tome?me?

The habit of finding fault, of The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was myreprimanding - this was myreward to you, for being a boy.reward to you, for being a boy.

It was not that I did not love you;It was not that I did not love you;it was that I expected too muchit was that I expected too muchof youth.of youth.

I was measuring you by theI was measuring you by theyardstick of my own years.yardstick of my own years.

你没有说什么，你没有说什么，但冲动的一跃，但冲动的一跃，跑过来将两臂抱住我的颈，跑过来将两臂抱住我的颈，与我亲吻。与我亲吻。

你的两个小臂有一种你的两个小臂有一种热热情，情，上帝栽在你心中的花蕾，上帝栽在你心中的花蕾，即使置之不理，即使置之不理，也不会枯萎。也不会枯萎。

然后你走了。然后你走了。

踏击着楼梯，踏击着楼梯，上楼去了。 上楼去了。

啊，啊，孩子，孩子，在那不久以后，在那不久以后，报纸从我手中滑落，报纸从我手中滑落，一种可怕的痛苦的恐惧涌到一种可怕的痛苦的恐惧涌到我的身上。我的身上。

习惯向来对我做了什习惯向来对我做了什么？么？

找错的习惯，找错的习惯，责备的习惯责备的习惯————

这是我对你做孩子的奖赏。这是我对你做孩子的奖赏。

And there was so much that And there was so much that was good, and fine, and true, inwas good, and fine, and true, inyour character.your character.

The little heart of you was as bigThe little heart of you was as bigas the dawn itself, over the wideas the dawn itself, over the widehills.hills.

This was shown by yourThis was shown by yourspontaneous impulse, to rush inspontaneous impulse, to rush inand kiss me good night.and kiss me good night.

Nothing else matters tonight,Nothing else matters tonight,son.son.

I have come to your bedside inI have come to your bedside inthe darkness, and I have kneltthe darkness, and I have kneltthere, ashamed! there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement;It is a feeble atonement;I know you would not I know you would not understand these thingsunderstand these thingsif I told them to you during yourif I told them to you during yourwaking hours.waking hours.

But tomorrow, I will be a real But tomorrow, I will be a real daddy!daddy!

I will chum with you,I will chum with you,and suffer when you suffer,and suffer when you suffer,and laugh when you laugh.and laugh when you laugh.

I will bite my tongue, whenI will bite my tongue, whenimpatient words come.impatient words come.

I will keep saying as if it were a I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy –ritual: "He is nothing but a boy –a little boy!" a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized youI am afraid I have visualized youas a man. Yet as I see you now,as a man. Yet as I see you now,son, crumpled and weary in son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday, you were ina baby. Yesterday, you were inyour mother's arms, your headyour mother's arms, your headon her shoulder.on her shoulder.

I have asked, too much,I have asked, too much,too much. too much.

可是，可是，孩子，孩子，并不是我不爱你，并不是我不爱你，而是因为我希望你而是因为我希望你————

一个未成年的孩子太多，一个未成年的孩子太多，那是用我自己的岁数的尺那是用我自己的岁数的尺码，码，来衡量你的。 来衡量你的。

在你的品格之中，在你的品格之中，有许多地方是真善美的。有许多地方是真善美的。

你的小小的心，你的小小的心，是同在广大的群山那边的曙是同在广大的群山那边的曙光一样的大，光一样的大，这个从你自然地冲动地跑进这个从你自然地冲动地跑进来与我接吻可以证明。来与我接吻可以证明。

孩儿，孩儿，今夜没有其他事了，今夜没有其他事了，我在黑暗中到你的床边，我在黑暗中到你的床边，我羞愧的跪在那里！ 我羞愧的跪在那里！

这是一种微弱的赎罪；这是一种微弱的赎罪；我知道如果我在你醒的时候我知道如果我在你醒的时候告诉你，告诉你，你不能了解这些事。你不能了解这些事。

但明天我将是一个真正的父但明天我将是一个真正的父亲了！亲了！

我要与你亲密，我要与你亲密，你哭我也哭，你哭我也哭，你笑我也笑。你笑我也笑。

当批评的话来到嘴边，当批评的话来到嘴边，我要咬紧我的舌头。我要咬紧我的舌头。

我要不断地说我要不断地说 :":"他不他不过是个孩子过是个孩子————

一个小孩子！一个小孩子！ " "

我恐怕我已经把你想我恐怕我已经把你想象象为一个成人，为一个成人，但当我现在看你的时候，但当我现在看你的时候，孩儿，孩儿，倦疲地躺在床上，倦疲地躺在床上，我看见你还是个婴孩，我看见你还是个婴孩，昨天你在你母亲怀中，昨天你在你母亲怀中，你把头依靠在她的肩上。你把头依靠在她的肩上。

我要求的太多太多了！我要求的太多太多了！

PI ABILITY FOUNDATIONPI ABILITY FOUNDATION

“ “ Helping People; to help themselves !!! ”Helping People; to help themselves !!! ”