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EMBRACINGCHANGEEMBRACINGCHANGEEMBRACING

A collection of tips and experiences to help successfully navigate life transitions

– Written by young people for young people –

Beat Wensum House 103 Prince of Wales Road Norwich NR1 1DW A charity registered in England and Wales (801343) and Scotland (SC039309).

Company limited by guarantee no 2368495.

Funded by City Bridge Trust

3Embracing Change Transitions Project

2www.b-eat.co.uk/support-services/in-your-area/london-transitions

About the bookletThis booklet has been designed to offer tips on what people have found useful when faced with the challenges that different life changes can bring.

It is a collection of tips and personal experiences from participants (volunteers and young people receiving support) in the Beat Transitions Project – an online mentoring project for young people with eating disorders in London.

TransitionIn this context, transition means a change from one thing to another, for example between eating disorder services, starting work, education, signifi cant life changes such as relationship endings or bereavement.

For some people transitions can pose complex challenges especially for people considered vulnerable.

For young people with eating disorders, transitional periods can be a time of increased anxiety and decreased self-esteem. During these times young people make transitions with little access to services or structured care and often struggle to maintain or re-engage with healthcare services.

Feedback from young people highlighted the need for more direct support to help bridge these potentially diffi cult times, which led to the Transitions Project.

The Transitions ProjectThe Transitions project was a 3 year e-mentoring project funded by the City Bridge Trust. The project provided support to young people aged 16-25 years with eating disorders living in London and who were experiencing diffi culties through transitional phases. Through e-mentoring by Beat volunteers and online support groups the project delivered targeted support at crucial times for young people.

“Dealing with transitions – talking to a recovery buddy who has experienced the same transition and knowing that it is normal to feel quite overwhelmed at fi rst but also knowing it does get better.”

– Mentee –

TRANSITIONSPROJECTTRANSITIONSPROJECTTRANSITIONS




What does this booklet offer? The Transitions project produced a wealth of personal experiences about the various challenges (practical and emotional) people can face during times of change. These provided insight into issues and possible strategies to help deal with them.

This booklet is the collective ‘voice’ of our project participants. It is a pro-recovery tool offering information, guidance, personal experiences and tips to help navigate a variety of transitions.

A key message that the participants wanted to share was that:

“There is no right or wrong in recovery, but there are different ways that work for different people. Recovery isn’t always on your own timescale, but there are things you can do to help yourself on your journey.”

Who is this booklet for?This booklet is for:

■ Anyone affected by eating disorders, including those who are recovering from an eating disorder, are caring for somebody with an eating disorder or are a professional working in the eating disorders fi eld

■ Young people aged 16-25yrs■ Young people facing diffi culties during transitional phases

About BeatBeat is the UK’s leading charity supporting anyone affected by eating disorders. We provide information and support:

■ Helplines which people can call, text or email■ Online support including information, message boards and

online support groups■ HelpFinder – an online directory of support services

Contents 6 Employment 7 Changes 7 Challenges 7 Pressure on yourself 7 Pressure from others 8 Not knowing who to tell 9 Lunchtimes 10 Colleagues 10 Social situations 11 Case study

12 Further & Higher Education 13 Changes 13 Moving away from home 14 Challenges 14 Workload 15 New friends 16 Finances 16 Nights out 17 Lack of routine 18 Family and friends 19 Case study

20 Services 21 Changes 21 Leaving services 21 Moving between services 22 Sudden discharge 22 Monitoring and well-being advice 23 Independence 23 Reconnecting 24 Discharge disillusion 24 Milestones 25 Case study

26 Relationships 27 Changes 27 Challenges 27 Dating 28 Disclosure 28 Self-esteem 28 Support from partner 29 Case study

30 Useful Links & Contact Information Acknowledgements

Images produced by David WoodcockThe Transitions Project Team, BeatThe Transitions Project Recovery Buddies




Starting a new job can be stressful. There are new people to meet, a new environment to get used to, new things to learn and, underpinning it all, a pressure to do well and make a good impression. It’s therefore exactly the sort of transition that can present challenges to your recovery.

ChangesTwo key changes which present challenges are:

■ Feeling pressure to do well and make a good impression ■ Adapting to a new social environment which may impact on your routine –

particularly around meal times. It may involve social situations with food and drink that you fi nd diffi cult.

We hope that the examples and suggestions given below will provide some useful guidance on how to deal with these changes and ensure that they do not negatively impact your recovery.

ChallengesPressure on yourself

You may fi nd that starting a new job actually knocks your confi dence as you may feel that you have gone from being good at a previous job to feeling less competent and not really knowing anything. Remember that this negative view of yourself is all in your mind.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Request timely feedback “What might be helpful is to ask for feedback at an early stage. It’s no use if your fi rst formal review is three months into your probation period. By that point you may have convinced yourself you can’t succeed and any positive feedback will be diffi cult to accept with that view. Instead, ask for feedback after a particular task or after a week or so. With constructive feedback, you will know that you will soon be on the right path.”

Pressure from others

Some working environments may involve external pressure, such as demanding standards, deadlines and intimidating managers which can be hard to deal with. The feelings of stress that result may mean you fi nd it hard to focus, or feel a bit on edge and uncomfortable.

EMPLOYMENTEMPLOYMENTEMPLOYMENTEMPLOYMENTEMPLOYMENT



Volunteer Top Tip: Space“A good way to deal with stress is to give yourself space. Everyone has something that helps them to relax – whether this is listening to music, going for a short walk or even lying down and breathing slowly and deeply. Some of these techniques may be challenging at work but try and make the most of your lunch break to relax yourself. It’s best to get out of the building, take a short walk and try and take your mind off the immediate stresses at hand.”

Volunteer Top Tip: 45 minute rule“If your work involves lots of meetings try the ‘45 minute meeting’ rule. Most meetings will typically be scheduled for 30 minutes or an hour, often resulting in back to back meetings for several hours.

In these situations, it’s all too easy to get stressed. Your brain is being forced from one topic to another, with no time in between to reflect or process actions. If you schedule meetings for 45 minutes, you can use the 15 minutes in between to relax, reflect and prepare yourself for the next meeting.”

Volunteer Top Tip: Personal time“Find time to relax fully in the evenings or at weekends. At these times, you can find whatever positive outlet that helps you best like surrounding yourself with people that make you happy, taking part in some gentle exercise or doing voluntary work.”

Not knowing who to tell

It may be the case that your new employer has to know about your eating disorder in order to allow you time off work for medical appointments. This may feel daunting and uncomfortable and you may find yourself wondering: Who do I tell? How will they react? How will it affect me?

Volunteer Top Tip: Line manager“At the very least make your line manager aware of the situation. You will probably find that they are a lot more understanding than you might expect.

Mental illness in the workplace is common and experienced line managers are likely to have worked with colleagues who have related conditions. Even if they haven’t, empathy and compassion are qualities line managers are chosen for so try not to worry.

Instead, make sure you let them know exactly what support you need- and even what you don’t want and won’t find useful.”

Volunteer Top Tip: Human Resources (HR)“Particularly if you work for a larger organisation, you may find that there is a formal Human Resources or occupational health team who can help you. This is not something to be worried about.

Human resources are there to provide a framework of policies and procedures related to the employment and support for staff.”

Beat Top Tip: EmployerThe vast majority of employers will actively support staff to do well.

It is reasonable to expect that your employer treats you fairly and with respect. For information around your rights as an employee refer to ACAS or Time To Change on page 30.

Lunchtimes

A new job may entail new eating patterns, new places to eat, new people to eat with and a new social ‘norm’. It is natural to want to be part of this but it may also make you incredibly nervous and worried.

Volunteer Top Tip: What’s best for you?“The key thing here is to do what you are comfortable with. Yes, it’s great to challenge yourself if you can and experiment with new foods and eating with others but if this is going to negatively impact your recovery it’s probably better to give yourself some leeway.”

Volunteer Top Tip: Packed lunch“Take foods to work that you are comfortable eating, perhaps you can then join colleagues in the canteen or outside.

If you do have to eat out, look at menus in advance and choose what you are going to have so you don’t feel panicked at the time. In short, don’t worry – do what’s right for you. Your recovery is the most important thing.”




Vol unteer Top Tip: Scr een break“In some workplaces, it is common to work through breaks and lunch-breaks – simply taking ‘lunch at your desk’. If you are struggling with an eating disorder this may not be ideal. It’s all too easy to ‘forget’ food and, moreover, you won’t get to give yourself the break from pressure. So, even if those around you are munching at their keyboards, don’t be afraid to make a point of taking your lunch break and eating outside. It’s acceptable and others may even follow your example!”

Colleagues

All of the above may well be easier if you open up to a colleague, even if this may not seem like a desirable option. Colleagues are likely to be sympathetic and willing to help you however they can.

Alternatively if there is a colleague who is simply saying the wrong things around you – commenting on what you eat or don’t eat – think about trying to talk to them as it could be their ignorance and that they know nothing about eating disorders that has led to these comments.

Social situations

A new job may also involve new social situations, which you fi nd a challenge. Post-work drinks, Christmas parties, networking events – all of these generally come laden with bountiful supplies of food and alcohol.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Joi n in“Whilst colleagues may be rejoicing, you may rather disappear into a hole in the fl oor. But at the same time, you know you want to be a part of these events, to join in and have fun.

Do what you are comfortable with. It’s better to be part of the event and stick to soft drinks or food you feel comfortable with than to isolate yourself completely.”

Vol unteer Top Tip: Measur ed challenges“Challenge yourself where you can but don’t do so to the detriment of your recovery. Try to make someone aware of how you are feeling and think about how you might respond to anyone who makes unwanted comments.”

Employment Case Study“I recently started a new job after graduating from university. I was very excited but also rather terrifi ed because it meant that I needed to face a lot of fears quite quickly in my recovery – which I felt I wasn’t ready for yet.

Things such as socialising and eating with colleagues or even eating just on my own in the canteen. Things like this, at that point, were a long way away for me to tackle. I knew I needed to eat regularly in order to

work and succeed. At fi rst, it was really hard at work. I felt so alone and always very anxious.

I was driven to tell my manager at work because I was booked for some overnight shifts – working all night scared me because of the change in my eating routine and feeling tired.

I did two night shifts and the fi rst night was alright but the second night, I just became really exhausted and I couldn’t function.

I realised at this point in my career (having just started) I am not well enough to take on such a challenging shift. So I decided to tell my manager.

He understood and said he was sorry to hear I was suffering from an eating disorder – he said he wouldn’t book me for any night shifts, which was good. My fear was that, if I ever told him, he wouldn’t give me any shifts anymore and he would be adamant not to employ me in future. But he has since then, given me more shifts and he didn’t judge.

During that time, I also told a colleague who I was working with for those two overnight shifts. He understands as he told me he knows people who suffer from it.

The other day, for the fi rst time, we had a heart to heart conversation in the offi ce about it. It really helped me to talk about it and gave me comfort that I do have support and someone to turn to within the workplace.”

Employment Case Study“I recently started a new job after graduating from university. I was very excited but also rather terrifi ed because it meant that I needed to face a lot of fears quite quickly in my recovery – which I felt I wasn’t ready for yet.




FURTHER & HIGHEREDUCATIONFURTHER & HIGHEREDUCATIONFURTHER & HIGHER

Managing an eating disorder when going into further or higher education can be a challenging and daunting time. You suddenly have to get used to a completely new environment, mix with people you’ve never met before as well as facing overwhelming pressure to fi t in and do well in your forthcoming studies.

ChangesAlthough this is often an exciting time it can also be a stressful one. You may feel pressure to complete workloads, you may worry about making new friends and being able to confi de in people. Furthermore, you might not know where to look for support.

Together these changes can cause a new struggle with eating disorders. Old feelings of low confi dence, low self-esteem and uncertainty are more likely to arise in a new environment like this.

Moving away from home

Moving out to independent living can be unnerving. Often this means a new environment and meeting new people who are all in the same boat.

There are practical things you can do to make this transition feel less unfamiliar.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Mementos“Taking mementos from home with you, having friends or relatives help with the moving process, and talking to someone who has done it before can help that settling in process.”



ChallengesWorkload

One of the biggest pressures of higher education is the heavy workload.

The person with an eating disorder may find themselves too tired to work if they are still in recovery and trying to reach good health.

They may hide away and feel like they have to complete this work alone, and may often self-loath and feel like they are not good enough to reach their full potential.

Comparisons may be made to the ‘brilliant’ standard of work that was achieved at school which may seem to be not good enough for University. It is not uncommon to feel this way as it is a big change for most people to adapt to. Here are some strategies which may help:

Volunteer Top Tips: Try the SMART way“SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely goals. You can keep on top of things by setting yourself small but achievable goals to allow yourself time to complete the work but also time off to relax and unwind.

Structure: Headspace is so important. Set yourself a personal structure for every day so that you don’t get panicked and know what you’ll be able to manage.”

Volunteer Top Tips: Seek out the Student Support Team“Student support services: Each educational institution should have a student support service or person responsible for student welfare.”

Speaking to tutors or student welfare officers at your place of study can be helpful. Be honest if the work is affecting you so that they can provide extra study time and support.”

Volunteer Top Tips: Be easy on yourself!“Timeout: Give yourself enough rest as your health needs to be put first in order for you to be able to study.

Acceptance: Acknowledging that you don’t have to be perfect, and that we all find our strengths in different things at different paces and at different times.

Happy times: Finding something that gives you a sense of accomplishment or enjoyment whether it be an extra-curricular activity or helping someone else. It can be up-lifting to incorporate this into your everyday routine.”

Taking things at your own pace, is no bad thing. You don’t have to do a degree when you are 18 or 19 years old. Further or Higher education might not be for you now or at all.

There are many other things you might want to do. Think about your happiness as well as your achievements.

New friends

Another pressure that may arise is making new friends. At any new school, college or university there can be pressures to fit in.

You also may find that you think you may be judged, and worry how people may treat you if they know you have or had an eating disorder.

Volunteer Top Tip: Prep yourself“Planning and preparation: Once you know where you are heading off to study, it is worth spending some time investigating opportunities for making new friends. These may include things like societies, clubs (e.g. yoga), student union groups or other things you might be interested in joining.”

Volunteer Top Tip: The bigger picture“Similar experiences: remember that statistically speaking you will meet people who have mental health or physical health problems. There will be people who understand the limitations and considerations this brings combined with university life.”



Finances

Education can be expensive, and for some young people living independently might be a struggle. Taking time to find out about additional funds ahead of starting your course might go some way to helping you enjoy your educational experiences without financial worries.

Beat Top Tip: Education Disability Students Allowance (DSA) is a fund made available to higher education students in England if you identify as having a disability under the Equality Act 2010. For information please refer to DSA on page 30.

Nights out

Dealing with social situations such as parties or drinking can be intimidating and uncomfortable. For some people, taking photographs or getting dressed up for events can feel a little unnerving. It is not uncommon to feel this, just remember you can use various strategies to help if these struggles arise:

Volunteer Top Tips: Finding a confidante“Find someone you can confide in; although you may not want to share your experiences with someone new it may reassure you if you are having a particularly bad day and that way they can also begin to understand you and the way you deal with things.”

SMART goals: As mentioned before, setting achievable goals for yourself and applying these to social situations; i.e. don’t feel like you have to drink every night or go to every social event; take it slowly, get to know people and see how you go!

Volunteer Top Tip: Support Groups“Find out if there are any support groups in your area as talking to other people who understand what you are going through or are coping with themselves may help.”

Lack of routine

A common difficulty in times of transition is ‘breaking out’ of routine. This may include cooking for yourself in a new environment and in front of new people. This may also involve eating in front of new people, eating out and not having a set exercise or food regime like the one back home.

If you find yourself having difficulty in these situations, here are some tips that you might want to consider:

Volunteer Top Tip: Having a voice“Voicing your preferences: Telling people you can confide in what you are uncomfortable or comfortable with is important. Whether this be cooking at an earlier time or eating in smaller groups while you settle in.”

“Being honest with people will only help them to understand what you’re going through and allow them to help you through it. Also try to remember that people might not always understand and do not mean to insult you or make you feel uncomfortable.”

Volunteer Top Tip: Balancing act“Finding a balance that works for you; it may mean making meal plans and arranging times where you can eat comfortably so that at least you do not feel panicked or dread the thought.”

Volunteer Top Tips: Daring to try!“Eating out: Challenge yourself when you can, for example trying new cuisines, eating out with others and seeing if this starts to feel more comfortable and enjoyable. Look at menus in advance just so that you can make a quicker, less stressful decision at restaurants.

Take-ins: Take food with you for lunch that YOU feel comfortable eating even if it’s slightly different to other people. Try to get out of bad habits such as ‘saving up’ for bigger meals. It might be helpful to prepare food with others on that day or meet someone for lunch so you know you are going to eat.

Food critics: If others remark on your meal choices, or perhaps on you bringing something in rather than having a meal at uni – don’t be afraid




Further & Higher Education Case Study

“My eating disorder began when I was 13 and to this day I cannot pick

out a single trigger that sparked it. I always remember having low self-

esteem and being a bit of a perfectionist.

I would say the onset of my ED began when my best friend and I started

‘healthy eating’ and exercising. Initially it was harmless, but before long I

became totally obsessed and a downward spiral of controlled restrictive

eating and obsessive exercise began.

My main focus was never to lose so much weight but more a total fear

of gaining it. It became my only coping mechanism and controlled every

moment of my life. I became withdrawn, tired and completely obsessed

by eating and exercising. Following family therapy and Cognitive

Behavioural Therapy, I fi nally admitted to my family and to myself that I

had a problem.

University became one of my biggest transitions to this day. Coping with

further education was diffi cult due to the extreme pressures I’ve always

put on myself. It would have been very benefi cial if I had been notifi ed

of extra support at student welfare. When I was at Uni I thought of

myself as recovered but thinking back now I still had bad habits, including

frequently eating alone, struggling to cope with group meals, cooking

with others. However some things helped me through that time.

Firstly opening up to people would have

helped me as they could never have

understood what I was going through; I kept

it hidden. Secondly remembering that people

do not mean to insult you or make you feel

uncomfortable. Eventually other people’s

opinion will begin to matter less as your

self-esteem increases. Finally don’t hesitate

to seek out help that is available at Uni or

in the area.

Don’t give up because you can and you will

reach full recovery, this guide will hopefully

get you there a little sooner!”


to NOT explain your food choices. It is your choice and you are under no obligation to explain it to anyone.

Remembering that others in the group will no doubt have their own concerns about their choices, however small.”

Vol unteer Top Tip: Shop ping“Markets: Try going to markets where you can buy fresh produce as this will mean you have access to nutritional food. This may also mean that you are less likely to obsess over it or calorie count.”

“Budget: Not using a student budget as an excuse to not spend money on food shopping as this will only set you back in your recovery and get you into bad habits.”

“Finally, this is an opportunity for a fresh start for you to be a happier, healthier you but it can leave you feeling vulnerable if you do not remain open about your struggles and seek support when you need it.”

Family and friends

A struggle people with or without eating disorders face is leaving family and friends behind, especially those who have supported you through your eating disorder.

Try not to think that you are facing things alone. Family and friends are most likely always a phone call away or in some cases even a train ride away and will be there when you get home.



SERVICESSERVICESSERVICESSERVICESSERVICES

Transitions can represent different things to different people, though those who have experienced an eating disorder will be familiar with this term.

Many people with an eating disorder might at some point receive treatment from health service providers. These will vary according to your individual support needs.

For many people signifi cant transitions happen when moving between service providers, for instance moving from child and adolescent mental health services (CAHMS) to adult services.

As well as this there may be other changes, such as moving away from home if you receive inpatient care. These can often be unsettling and cause anxiety on top of dealing with the eating disorder itself

ChangesThe time before and during a change in service provision is crucial.

Planning and preparation are key to supporting that process of change and ensuring a smooth transition.

People are more likely to relapse if there is no aftercare or information on things that might help deal with emotional challenges (e.g. not following a meal plan) and recovery after leaving the services.

Leaving services

Leaving treatment without plans for aftercare might be an anxious and problematic time for the person in treatment as well as the person supporting them.

Moving between services

This is not an uncommon time for people to fall between the gaps. For instance being discharged from CAMHS without continued care in adult services can be a terrifying experience for some people. It can be hard to know at times what support outside of a service involves.



ChallengesSudden discharge

Being discharged suddenly can cause a rise in negative emotions and thoughts which in turn can cause disordered eating to resurface. This might be due to the lack and loss of structure that has become part of daily life.

Volunteer Top Tip: Keeping check“Record-keeping: By keeping a journal or diary this may help the temptation to resort back to familiar strategies that once may have been used as a coping mechanism such as weighing, counting calories or binge eating.

Being able to visually see what one is doing can help to maintain an idea of what is unhealthy and what is healthy. Being able to discuss feelings, concerns and thoughts is vital in contributing to the maintenance of a healthy lifestyle.”

Monitoring and well-being advice

Not having physical monitoring and wellbeing advice during transitions is something that people might struggle to get used to, especially when there is pressure on maintaining a healthy weight. This might be difficult at first when there is less monitoring.

By avoiding weighing oneself or using other methods to judge a feeling or an emotion it is likely that recovery can be made easier. If ever there are temptations to use familiar methods of coping, it is important to know where to turn.

There is a range of services and sources of support such as online support groups, helplines, friends and family to help you keep a positive recovery mind-set.

You can find out about local and national services through Beat.

Volunteer Top Tip: Beat’s HelpFinder“By using services such as HelpFinder and seeking help in your area it is possible to find help such as certain therapies and support groups.

This can provide clearer information on what can help with challenges, such as eating with dietary and nutritional needs in mind.”

Independence

For some people sudden independence might be a distressing experience at first. After a period of time being observed and closely monitored it might feel uncomfortable to be in charge of oneself again.

Volunteer Top Tip: Speed-dial“Important people: It is important to know who you can contact and when, whether that is in your social circle, family or support services online such as Beat.

By using the resources available out there, it can be a lot of help in preventing relapse. Services do not always teach you how to be and what to do after being discharged. This is something that comes from within and it is often difficult but very rewarding once reached.”

Reconnecting

It might be difficult to go back into your social circle after a period of time away. This is often one of the hardest encounters for a young person when they find that they have to leave their friends whilst they are receiving treatment.

Maintaining contact with friends outside the service might ensure that the support network will be continued.

Volunteer Top Tip: Keeping the links“This could be helped by more facilities incorporating time and space to sustain social contacts, whereby an individual’s friends or family could spend time with them for a period outside of the ED, then this would be beneficial as opposed to having rigid visiting hours or strict rules which can in turn cause feelings of isolation and anxiety.

Requesting social time: If your service or treatment plan does not include this, flag this up with someone who can help arrange for you to stay connected with your support networks.

Networks: By having a good support network (i.e. people you can trust, feel comfortable with) around, it is possible to find the transition easier.”

Helpfinder is Beat’s online

directory of eating disorder services to

be found on the Beat website




Services Case Study“I felt that the treatment I received from

CAHMS was good up to a point. I felt

that I had my disorder brushed under the

carpet, as a disorder and an illness. Too much

focus was on the gaining of weight rather

than the psychological side, which was the

problem, not the food. It was the act of

eating that I needed educating on, not

what I was eating, not the meal plans nor

the calories.

Once I was released from CAHMS, I relapsed. This

was because the release was too sudden and there was nothing I could

fall back on once back in the real world, nothing to support me. No

preparation had been done at CAHMS before my release to prepare

me for life outside of the hospital. There was no continuity of aftercare

such as following a meal plan, safe exercising, portion control, or

calorie awareness.

Suddenly, eating and meal times were normalised and it was a shock

to the system as there had been such a large gap in between eating

normally and having every calorie counted, weighed and discussed

within the services.

Beat were hugely helpful and I wish I’d known more about them at the

time. Support groups would have been hugely helpful but I was unaware

of them at the time. I always wondered whether a more close and

personal care plan and action plan/assessment could have been benefi cial

and helpful to fi nd out the best possible therapies that I personally would

have benefi ted from, as everyone is different and has their preferences of

benefi cial help.

I also feel the services could improve by highlighting the awareness

about the signs and signals that could indicate relapse as sometimes the

signs can go unnoticed. It can be hard reaching for help but since I have

recovered from anorexia I have discovered a huge amount of dedication

and enthusiasm by those who have been affected and are now, like me,

determined to help others going through an eating disorder.”

Once I was released from CAHMS, I relapsed. This


Discharge disillusion

It may be easy to feel as though you are well enough not to seek support, especially if you feel as if the disordered behaviours have decreased.

However it is important to be aware of the psychological milestones, as well as the physical. Though reaching a physical healthy weight is benefi cial for your mind as well as your body.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Finding the tr igger s“Discovering what triggers are present (such as stress, depression, work, fi tness, career) is benefi cial in keeping in tune with those triggers in the future. Record-keeping can help identify the triggers and in what circumstances.”

Milestones (Physical & Psychological)

A common milestone people can face is to reach a healthy weight. Although a person might look well, they may be emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, possibly feeling anxious or tempted to restrict or binge.

The difference between the physical and psychological state can feel similar to a loss of identity for an individual.

Generally there are underlying psychological diffi culties that may not have been addressed and that contribute to the behaviours.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Speak up“Ask for help, show your feelings and be honest with those around you. Try not to be afraid to ask for support and guidance, especially if you feel there are still issues to be addressed.”



RELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are part of our everyday life and can change at any point. Healthy relationships can provide a strong foundation that can positively infl uence our overall well-being.

Eating disorders can affect the way people relate to themselves and others around them. Isolation, secrecy and eating alone are all part of it, which can affect relationships that in turn can hinder recovery.

Relationships are most certainly always a big part of our lives, whether it be through close friendships, family or a partner. Keeping links with people who are important to us can help you deal with life challenges more easily.

Changes Times of change often go hand in hand with changes in relationships. Changes such as moving away from home, starting a new job or course may mean the ending of old relationships and starting new ones.

One of the obstacles a person might face is learning to trust other people, to let them in and confi de in them which, when it comes down to having a boyfriend or girlfriend, may feel diffi cult.

You may feel that starting a relationship gives you a new boost of confi dence and that association with weight changes with your changing relationship. You may struggle to cope with break ups as old feelings of low self-esteem and not being good enough creep back in.

ChallengesHere are a few ways to cope with relationships:

Dating

Dating whilst dealing with an eating disorder can be a mixed bag, but the right person will just be so keen to support you.

Sometimes, in a romantic relationship, it can be a good idea to help them help you, by communicating with them about what is going on for you.

The more they know, the more helpful they can be. However it is important to share at your own pace, and try not to rush things in general.



Vol unteer Top Tip: Intimacy “When it comes to intimacy, remember that you own your sexuality, and any choices you make about sharing it with someone are yours.

Often when your self-esteem is low, it is hard to be assertive, but practice saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes, both with intimate and platonic relationships. This matters and can keep things fair and give you confi dence.”

Disclosure

Honesty is key. As daunting and hard as this may seem, talking to your partner and letting them know what you have struggled with will only help them understand you more as a person and hopefully they can even help you through it.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Gradual disclosur e“Starting small: When sharing information about your eating disorder and your recovery. This makes it much easier to do, if you open up gradually.

Trial and error: sometimes we might feel that we pick the wrong people to open up to. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, but sometimes it is trial and error to fi nd the right person you can confi de in, so keep trying.

In an intimate relationship, don’t feel guilty for needing to keep some things private, or for needing solitude. It’s healthy.”

Self-esteem

Be mindful about your own self-image and how much of it is to do with yourself.

Vol unteer Top Tip: Lov e you rself“It is helpful to think good of yourself in and out of relationships to help strengthen coping mechanisms.”

Support from partners

If your partner is unsure of how to offer support or is new to the concept of an eating disorder offer them information so they can put it into context. It may also be helpful to use this information to understand what it is you have experienced.


Relationships Case Study“During my time of having bulimia, I was in my fi rst serious relationship. The combination of the two experiences meant that it was a really intense time for me. It was such a mixture, because as well as feeling very in love and excited about being with this person, I was going through so much with my eating disorder.

After being in the relationship for a while I realised that trying to be open with my boyfriend would be a good idea. Unfortunately he didn’t really understand and tended to minimise my diffi culties when we would talk about them. Despite this, I did learn the value of opening up to people close to me – I felt that by being honest with others, I was being more honest with myself. I found it very diffi cult to share my physicality with another person, despite wanting to. Confi dence in my sexuality took me a long time, and certainly coincided with becoming more secure in my recovery.

These days I am recovered from my eating disorder, after a very complicated and long journey. I am in a wonderful relationship now, and I share my past and present experiences with my partner. He didn’t necessarily understand at fi rst, but asked me to share myself with him until he understood.

I think that is a good thing to look for – loved ones may not automatically know what you’re going through, but people who really love you will want to know, and will do anything they can to understand.”

I think that is a good thing to look for – loved ones may not automatically know what you’re going through,




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Useful Links & Contact Information

ACAS www.acas.org.ukProvide information, advice, training, conciliation and other services for employers and employees to help prevent or resolve workplace problems.

Beat www.b-eat.co.ukBeat is the UK’s leading charity supporting anyone affected by eating disorders or diffi culties with food, weight and shape. Their website provides a range of resources and information.

British Dietetic Association www.bda.uk.com The BDA is the professional association and trade union for UK dietitians. Their website provides a range of information and resources.

Calm www.thecalmzone.net CALM stands for the Campaign Against Living Miserably and aims to prevent male suicide. They offer support via a helpline and through their website.

Disability Living Allowance (DSA) www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowances-dsas/overview As a higher education student living in England, you can apply for a Disabled Students’ Allowance (DSA) if you meet the defi nition of disability under the Equality Act 2010.

Mind www.mind.org.uk Mind offers information and support to anyone affected by mental health problems. There are local Mind offi ces in most cities that can often offer support such as counselling.

NICE Guidelines www.nice.org.ukDeveloping a series of national clinical guidelines to secure consistent, high quality, evidence based care for patients using the National Health Service.

Relate www.relate.org.uk Relate are the UK’s largest provider of relationship support, and every year they help over a million people of all ages, backgrounds and sexual orientations to strengthen their relationships.

Rethink www.rethink.org Rethink provide expert, accredited advice and information to everyone affected by mental health problems including treatment, benefi ts, law, education and advocacy. They also offer information to carers, families and friends.

Samaritans www.samaritans.org Talk to the Samaritans any time, in your own way, and off the record – about whatever is concerning you. You don’t have to be suicidal.

Studentminds www.studentminds.org.ukThe UK’s student mental health charity offer training, support groups and other peer interventions to help foster positive mental health amongst students.

Thesite.org www.thesite.org TheSite.org is the online guide to life for 16-25 year-olds in the UK. They provide non-judgmental support and information on everything from mental health, sex and exam stress to debt and drugs. Their straight-talking emotional support is available 24 hours a day.

Time to change www.time-to-change.org.uk Time to Change is England’s biggest programme to challenge mental health stigma and discrimination.

TogetherUkwww.together-uk.org Together is a national charity working alongside people with mental health issues on their journey towards independent and fulfi lling lives.

Youthaccess www.youthaccess.org.uk Youth Access is the national membership organisation for young people’s information, advice, counselling and support services (YIACS).

Download - Beat Transitions Booklet A5 PRINT VERSION - NHS … Eating... · Beat is the UK’s leading charity supporting anyone affected by eating disorders. We provide information and support:

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