Download - { U r Speaking – God is listening…so r others The influence of what we say and how we say it – James 3:1-12

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U r Speaking – God is listening…so r others

The influence of what we say and how we say it –

James 3:1-12

1. Criticizing. Criticism involves superior attitude judgmental statements that belittle and put down a person. "Don't do it that way", "You're wrong", "You're not very good at...",

2. Labeling. Labels are names that “defines” who the labeller says someone is. An extreme form of labels is name-calling. "You're a jerk", "You are silly", and "I think you're mean" are some examples of labeling

3. Condescending the motive is to displaying a patronizingly superior attitude. “Now that’s much better” “I know you could do it!”

4. Ordering. Orders are controlling statements that seeks unquestioned compliance. They are akin to dictatorship. "Go wash the dishes", "Stop complaining", and "Stop fighting with..."

Communication Roadblocks

5. Threatening. A threat is similar to an order, except it has emphasis on punishment. "Go wash the dishes or I won't cook for you tomorrow night", "Stop complaining or you'll be sent to your room", "Stop fighting with... or you'll…”

6. Polarized – Speaking in absolutes and extremes. Deadly M.O.A.N.S. – Must. Ought. Always. Never. Should. “You will NEVER get this right!” “You always…”

7. Questioning. Rhetorical questions is one common form of poor questioning. Examples include, "Why do you disobey me?" "Why do you always do wrong?" and "What about my needs? “Didn’t I tell you..”


8. Criticizing, Judging, Blaming – You communicate that others are incompetent – only you can get it right. Also that they had malicious intent. “Why do you always do that!”

9. Advising – Giving solutions – “What you should have done – said is…” “Here give me that that this is how this should be done…”

10. Spiritual Manipulating – attempting to get our own way by using “this is the will of God” – “God want s me to go on this trip” “Surely God does not expect us to live in this house!?”

11. Rejecting-withdrawing –dismissing – Communicates we are not interested in the feelings or situation of another. “What did you expect?” “I told you so…You seem surprised?” “Well it’s too late to cry about it now!”


Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

“Religious” – outward conduct of what is proclaimed to have taken place in the heart

“Tight rein” – bridle, restrain, guide (James 3:2)

Deceive – “to use tactics that gives a dis torted or false impression”

James 1:26

James 1 – maturity and wisdom is gained

through the purpose of God in suffering (1:1-12),

through the presence and provision of God in temptation (1:13-18) and

through the Word of God in obedience (1:19-27)

As a teacher James wants believers to understand how to gain maturity and wisdom

James 2 – maturity and wisdom is gained through

our faith lived out in love (2:1-13) and our faith lived out in works (2:14-26)


James 3 – maturity and wisdom is gained through a believers influence

by how they speak (3:1-12) and

by how they “speak” with their life (3:13-18)


Our words are an influence that can misdirect or direct others (3:1-5)

Our words are an influence that can destroy others (3:6-8)

Our words are an influence that can describe who we really are to others (3:9-12)

James 3 – maturity and wisdom is gained through a believers influence

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Maturity and wisdom is grained through a believers

influence by how we speak

Our words are an influence that can misdirect or direct others

James 3:1-5

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. 3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.

James 3:1-5

1. As a “teacher” our words can misdirect or direct others

2. As a “bit” our words can misdirect and direct others

3. As a “rudder” our words can misdirect and direct others

4) As a “boast” our words can misdirect or direct others

James 3:1-5 -Our words are an influence

that can misdirect or direct others

From the fruit of their mouth a person's stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:20-21

Whatever a teacher one says to impact others will also leave an indelible impression on themselves – what they will reveal who we really are

People “feed” on what we say – People will always “eat” of our “ tree” it influences their behavior

1. As a teacher our words can misdirect or direct others

(1) Teacher can make it about themselves I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first,

will not welcome us (3 John 9)

(2) A teacher can plant seeds of detachment – Satan (Gen 3:1-6; 2 Pet 2:1-3) Questions God’s Word Strategically zones in on “prey” Twists God’s Word Questions God’s goodness – “You cannot really trust God

with that which matters most Subtly introduce (covertly-stealth) Heresies- strong distinctive, carefully self chosen opinions “deny” Christ – contradict, disown misdirect from Christ

1) How a teacher misdirects

(3) Because people seek out teacher’s like them (2 Tim 4:3, cf Isa 30:10)

For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear

They say to the seers, "See no more visions!" and to the prophets, "Give us no more visions of what is right! Tell us pleasant things, prophesy illusions (Isa 30:10)

1) How a teacher misdirects

(1) They agonize over the Scripture through study (2 Tim 2:15)

(2) They have lived and live what they say and teach (2 Tim 2:15) “approved”

(3) They “cut the word straight”

(4) They do “shrink back”, “hesitate” from proclaiming the WHOLE Will and PURPOSE of God (Acts 20:27) –they don’t choose there favorite verses!

(4) They fear that they will be held accountable before God Himself (James 3:1)

(5) They know that what they say with their lips has the power to influence (James 3:2)

2) How a teacher directs

Bit and the rudder must overcome contrary forces

Bit –(3:3 – “when we put a bit in the mouths of horses to make them obey us”) - tame a wild horse so that it does not go off the path and direction in which the rider needs to go

Rudder – (3:4 – “Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go”.) - fight the winds and currents that would drive it off course.

Both can have devastating effects if misdirected

2. As a bit and 3. a rudder our words can misdirect and direct

“An evil man is ensnare and trapped by his sinful talk” (Prov 12:13) (upper and lower jaw –done!” (cf. 18:7)

In the path of the wicked lie thorns and snares; but he who guards his soul stays far from them. (Prov 22:5)

Words can misdirect by ensnaring or entrapping a person in

(1) Attempting to satisfy immediate lust - easy sex (Prov 7:7-27 (v23);

(2) Seeking to make foolish business decisions and seeking quick wealth (Prov 6:1-2, 1 Tim 6:9) putting security for some can entrap

2. As a bit our words can misdirect and direct1) How, like a bit not controlled, can our words misdirect?

(3) Ventilating our anger and take issues into our own hands – “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”. (Proverbs 12:18, cf. Moses: Ps 106:32-33, Num 20:9-12)

(4) Foolishly and strategically sets our own world view and opinion. No one can reason with us! “A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” (Prov 18:7) and

(5) Lying about their contempt and intolerance for others. They rally people around them they can slander about. “Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool” (Prov 10:18)

1) How as a bit not controlled, our words can misdirect

In Contrast: as a bit can guide as horse on the right path, how much more can a parent and mentors direct (influence) their children –mentees with their speech? Train a child in the way he should go, When he is old he will not turn from it” (Prov 22:5-6)

(1) Steer “Train” – Set the course –

(2) Strategy – “in the way” –

(3) Structured thinking –life – “when they are old”

(4) Security - They will not turn from it

2. As a bit our words can misdirect and direct2) 1) How, as a bit that is controlled, can our words direct?

(1) Steer “Train” – Set the course – Calibrate the compass bearing: inaugural process – life is the testing ground)- Speak to them on purpose for a purpose – bigger than oneself

Prov 1:8, 4:1, 4:10 contrast 10:1, 19:13

Speak to about becoming servant leaders: (Mark 9:33-37, Don’t steer them to be famous celebrities but focused servants! (Matt 19:13-15 contrast with 16-25; Matt 20:20-28)

2. As a bit our words can misdirect and direct2) How, as a bit that is controlled, our words can direct

(2) Strategy – “in the way” – Speak to them about how to be God’s Ambassador to their hurting peers (Deut 6:4-8) (2 Cor 11-21); how to face suffering and mature, how to take care of the afflicted, poor, widow and orphan (Isa 58)

(3) Structured thinking –life – “when they are old” Conditioned Service and Obedience

(4) Security – “They will not turn from it” Spiritual guarantee –not that they will not fail but they will understand how to control what they say and do (Warning Prov 5:11-13)

2. As a bit our words can misdirect and direct2) How, as a bit that is controlled, our words can direct

As in an inexperienced steersman a ship can be “driven by strong winds” therefore a rudder can misdirect a ship;

Likewise an immature person can allow external circumstances and internal immaturity to misdirect others by what they say

This can be done through a lie, a careless word, an offense, deceit, gossip or slander can misdirect someone off course. This is the description of a fool – one who is entitled, contempt, intolerant, need to be right, blind, lack humility to be taught

3. As a rudder that is not controlled so our words can misdirect and direct2) How can our words as a rudder misdirect?

(1) Pr 18:2 A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. We are strategically focused on our own agenda at the expense of others even if it means “shipwrecking” others

(2) Prov 15:2 – We are exposed for who we are but in contempt we do not care. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”


(3) Prov 15:28 – The heart of the righteous weighs it answers but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil – We don’t stop to think and discern what we say

(4) Prov 12:16 – “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” We intimidate others, need to be right, develop critical spirit, intolerant, lack self control, feed on an offense and blame

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Matt 12:34)


As a rudder a timely word can navigate and direct another person through storms of life

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Prov 4:23)

The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction (Prov 16:23)

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Ps 19:14)

3. As a rudder that is not controlled so our words can misdirect and direct2) How can our words as a rudder direct?

(1) We are authentic – especially when a friend is failing or stumbling – “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Prov 27:6)

(2) We have the courage to warn undisciplined life “My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins“ James 5:19-20, cf. Matt 18:15, Prov 9:1-10)

3. As a rudder that is not controlled so our words can misdirect and direct2) How can our words as a rudder direct?

“Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. 8Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning” (Prov 9:7-8)

Prov 15:12 – A mocker resents correction, a mocker will not consult the wise

Our tongue is a member – 1) as a part of a greater whole attached to the heart) 2) it is designed We live in a clutter of “followership” – Look at me”

originally “small part” – Greek - “melos” - to bring harmony “ (Eph 5:19) – To “boast” – “To lift the neck up high in order to exalt” “to bring into focus what was done for glory”

Our tongue may be small but it can boast about great things that the body or works have done! BUT a caution – just as a bit controls the mighty horse and the rudder the might ship we must direct our tongue about WHO we boast about.

4) As a boast our words can direct other to ourselves or God James 3:5 “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts”-

Only submission to the Holy Spirit and a correct motive – should the tongue boast – “My soul shall boast in the LORD” (Ps 34:2)

“This is what the LORD says, ‘Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, or the strong man boast in his strength, or the rich man boast in his riches, (v24) but let him who boasts boast about this – (1) that he understands and knows me, (2) that I am the LORD (3) who exercises kindness, justice (misphat) and righteousness (tsedaqah) on earth (in the earth) (4) for in these I delight,” says the LORD (Jer 9:23-24)

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of the world and things that are not to nullify the things that are SO THAT NO ONE MAY BOAST BEFORE HIM!. (V30) It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus who has become for us wisdom from God – that is our righteousness, holiness and redemption. (v31) Therefore as it is written, “Let Him who boast, boast in the LORD”. (1 Corinthians 1:27-31

For it is by grace you have been saved through faith –and this is not from yourself –it is a gift of God –(v9) not of works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.(Ephesians 2:8-10)

How has our immaturity been witnessed by the way our tongue misdirects others? Our spouse, children, friends, work colleagues?

How has the mature use of our tongue enabled us to direct others for their good and the Glory of God?

What do we need to repent of in terms of how we have used our tongue?

Perhaps we must begin by confessing with our mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, and believing in our heart that He died for us – a whole mind, heart and tongue reparation and restoration!?

Questions

Download - { U r Speaking – God is listening…so r others The influence of what we say and how we say it – James 3:1-12

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