festival special - woman's era

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R2021

NOVEMBER 2021 ` 100FFeessttiivvaall SSppeecciiaall

FESTIVAL AND COOKING

BEING SPECIAL

MOMS BEING

A MAN

LOVE OR

SEXUAL DESIRESEMBRACING

MARITAL BLISSOF BOOKS AND TRAVELS

TOXIC TEENAGE & HOOKAH

YOUTH AND

TEMPTATIONS

Jogen ChowdhuryUntitled, 5x7 inchInk & Pastel on Paper

Sunil DasUntitled, 30x30 inch

Charcoal on Paper

BUILDS HAPPY HOMESwomansera.comVol 45, Issue No. 1119

NOVEMBER 2021

3218 20 12 Artic

lesCUCKOO CLOCKSPADMAJA MENON

IS ROMANCE ALWAYSABOUT LOVE?DR SANJAY TEOTIA

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MEKOSHA AYURVEDASPA SUITES RETREAT,KERALA

Going all Nuts for Walnut!● Chowpatty Bhel Puri● Carrot Kosambari● Rasmalai● Old Bombay Nankhatai● Kanda Bhaji● Bihari Litti Chokha● Manipuri Thukpa ● Chilled Sol Kadhi● Coimbatore Tomato Bhatt● Dal Makhani● Dal Tadka● Fish Biryani● Kashmiri Modur Pilaf● Paneer Dum Biryani● Instant Pickled Walnuts● Akhroti Sabudana Khichadi● Keema Pav● Rajasthani Laal Maas● Kolhapuri Pandhara Rassa● Goan Fish Curry

BRANDING TIPS FORFASHION DESIGNERSTULIKA SINHA

36LOSING ADOLESCENCESTAGEDR. P. SINGH ‘VALYAN’

62 MASRURANITA KOTHIALA

66 A ROYAL PORTRAITFOR VACCINEPROMOTIONRENUKA KRISHNARAJA

70 TIPS TO WOOWOMENJITENDRA GAGLANI

80 TEENAGEINTOXICATIONDR PREMPAL SINGH VALYAN

84 JOURNALING ASCIENTIFIC ARTA. AICH

88 ACCEPT EMBRACEMARITAL BLISSANUPAM KAUR

A LOVE AFFAIR WITHTHE ‘SCOTLAND OF

INDIAELSA LYCIAS JOEL

92 CARRING FOR OURAGEDKAUSHIK JOSHI

96 HOW DIABETESAFFECTS YOUR FEETSUDHA HARIHARAN

100 MENTAL HEALTH-ITSIMPORTANT TOO! SHARON VICTOR

102 BE A MAN HARLEEN PANDHER

106 BEING MOMS TO‘SPECIAL’ KIDS KAUSHIK JOSHI

110 TRAVELLING ON THEWINGS OF BOOKS RITU KUMAR

51

Wishing you Happy Diwali

The names of characters used in allfiction and semi-fiction articles arefictitious.

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Features

Fash

ion

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THE PERFECT FINE TOUCH!

72 A SECURE HOMETANIMA DAS

ADORN ME!

RISE & SHINE BEYONDLIGHT!

16 GRATEFULLY YOURS23 BEAUTY QUERIES34 TODDLER TRENDS50 CAMPUS RUMPUS67 TEENACHE78 PERSONAL PROBLEMS83 I AM PREGNANT85 MUSINGS/MEMORIES91 HOW I SAVED MY

MARRIAGE94 YOUR BODY99 KITCHEN QUERIES105 MY FAMILY, MY

FRIENDS AND ME...108 HOW I WAS DUPED109 CHILD CHALLENGES112 HOW I MET MY

HUSBAND

114 AS YOU SAY

Cover Courtesy:Cover Photography by:Sharat Chandra

86 IT IS NEVER TO LATE! GAYATRI

EDITORIALDid he or didn’t he...?

There should be much more than what meets the eyein the Aryan Khan’s imprisonment of drug consumptionor peddling. If the case was as simple as consumptionby some college going kids, they would have beenreleased by now but what here concerns is the politics,the authorities and the people who are closelyassociated with Bollywood along with its funding andworking. If one puts all of this together then the startpoint should be finding explosives outside the Ambanihousehold in Bombay. It is from then that the entirepolitical turmoil and things like the police involvementand extortion whistleblowing have started. In any casethe rejection of bail is prerogative of the court, and theypractise it very often. There are a large number of undertrials in the Indian prisons who despite their bestdefence have not been able to get abail. Bollywood and the glamourindustry has always been high andassociated with things like drugs,porn and with dirty financing.Earlier we had #metoo campaignshitting all over the world. Quiterecently there was Raj Kundraassociated with the porn industry.Earlier to that were two deathswhich have not been solved sincethen. It is quite likely that on 30thOctober 2021 Aryan Khan wouldhave made bail, since he has alreadybeen punished for being associatedin the way he is being accused bybeing in prison for this short time.For the rich and famous a few daysof non-luxury and non-provision ismore than a punishment.

Beware of the StocksWith the stock market making

numbers by leaps and bounds and the IPOs beingsubscribed left right and centre, the common middle-class as well as the upper-class are heading to booktheir profits in the stocks. Mainly without realising thatit is happening as the government has closed most ofthe avenues of investments in other modes. The realestate in India is expensive, in the metros, in proportionto the earnings. Hence the play of money in the stockmarket. As is well written and documented peopleshould stay away from gambling in the stock marketand only use it to subsidise their income but not tomake it the source of main income. There is some moralpreaching here. All the glory people that one sees in thestock market, do very hard analysis and take very hardand unusual risks to achieve the kind of profitabilitythat they do, resulting in the glory that they have

attained. And it cannot be replicated by small play,thinking that small bets will make a very large fortune.Hence readers are advised to remain cautious of theassets that they own and not get carried away with theneighbours’ effect.

Turmoil and frustration within the BJP

It can be felt by a string of incidents that haverecently hit the headlines. First is the Lakhimpurdisaster of the Deputy Chief Minister’s son running offfarmers in his SUV. Even though he may not beconvicted or put on trial, the video which was releasedby farmers is evidence enough. BJP will have to dosome ground-breaking action to reverse this kind of apublic image nationwide. Ayodhya alone cannot save

BJP from losing the state of UP, in asimilar way as they lost Calcutta toMamata. PM Modi is loud enoughto claim that all is well in the stateof UP, inaugurating a new airporton the edge of UP to help the nextelections campaigning via the airroute. The reality is, that in recentdays the UP government has comedown heavily on small traders andbusinesses and slapped them withGST fines, penalties along withfreezing over 13,000 bank accountsin light of state VAT and GST. Whileat the same time the UPgovernment has given leverage tomany large businesses withoutblinking an eye. It appears that PMModi is in the mood of destroyingall the small businesses, andmaking the small business ownerwork for the few large companies,as is the trend worldwide. Is it to

control the electorate in the longer run or to leveragean unending supply of money for election campaigns?Two, by arresting, discounting and not letting Congressand other party leaders to move around in the State ofUP, PM Modi has shown his concern in the forthcomingelections. As has been written earlier, in this column,that BJP has lost most of the state elections in the lastfive years because of the failure of state BJP chiefministers and the Cadre, so why should UP be anydifferent. Is Rakesh Takait brewing himself for help?Let's see.

Here is wishing you a happy Diwali and a greatfestive season ahead. At the same time do endeavour tostay safe and healthy.

Woman’s Era ● November 2021 5

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Nora Fatehi has beensummoned by the ED underthe Money Laundering Act.

According to media reports, NoraFatehi has been summoned by theEnforcement Directorate in thecase of cheating of Rs 200 crore bySukesh Chandra Shekhar, lodgedin Delhi’s Tihar Jail. Apart fromNora, the ED has once againsummoned Jacqueline Fernandesin the same case. The case is basedon the FIR filed by the EconomicOffences Wing (EOW) of DelhiPolice in connection with theextortion of Rs 200 crore bySukesh and others.

Pankaj Tripathi has establishedhimself as one most talentedperformers of Bollywood,

proving his worth time and again.The actor is well-known for hisdiverse range of roles andoutstanding performances on thebig screen. Among his manyendeavors, his courtroom dramaCriminal Justice has a sizable fanbase. And, following thephenomenal success of the first twoseasons, fans have been eagerlyanticipating Criminal Justice 3,which, according to a recentupdate, is expected to premieresoon.

Pankaj Tripathi Aka Madhav MishraBegins Preparation For New Season OfCriminal Justice 3

ED Summoned Nora Fatehi And JacquelineFernandez Your Questioning In MoneyLaundering Case

From Bollywood...

Actress Nusrat Jahan’spersonal life is quitcontroversial. She revealed

her boyfriend Yash Dasgupta, whoreportedly brought a crack inNusrat and Nikhil’s relationship tobe her newborn baby’s father.Now recently, Nusrat has hintedthat she and Yash might bealready married. Now, speaking toa leading daily, Yash has said thathe wanted to have the baby butleft the final decision to Nusrat.

“We Didn’t Care What World WouldThink,” Nusrat Jahan And Yash DasguptaOn Mutual Decision Of Keeping The Baby

One and a half year haspassed since Bollywoodactor Sushant Singh Rajput

left the world. Last year, his bodywas found at his house in Bandra.Shweta Singh Kirti has been veryactive on social media since thedeath of the actor. She has onceagain remembered her deceasedbrother on the occasion of Navratriand Durga Puja and is hoping forthe truth to come out soon in thematter of his death.

Sister Shweta Singh Kirti Awaits Justice InSushant Singh Rajput Death Case, Said,“Fighting Continuously For You”

Scared Of His Wife’s Lappad; HusbandOf The Century, Ranveer Singh LovesDeepika Padukone Unconditionally

Ranveer Singh will soon host aquiz show called The BigPicture. But before he became a

test master, he sat down for a roundof his own. In a promo shared byColors on Instagram, he asked himselfnumerous questions about hisInstagram posts, one of which wasabout the location of a specific phototaken with his wife, actress DeepikaPadukone. In the photo taken on theirfirst wedding anniversary, Ranveerand Deepika were posing in front of atemple. Ranveer was asked to guessthe name of the temple. The actorsaid that Deepika would hit him if shedidn’t quite understand the name. “Ishould know, obviously I should knowotherwise I’ll get a lappad (slap) whenI get back home,” Ranveer said inHindi.

Dharmendra spoke about hisexperience working withRanveer Singh on Rocky

Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahani and hadnothing but praise. In aninterview, Dharmendra said,“Ranveer is a darling. Mujhse jabbhi milta hai buss lipat jaata hai. Heholds my hand and refuses to letgo. I like him. He is very sweet. Iam happy that these young actorsof today behave so normallyminus all the starry airs. He is sogood with his performance. I mustsay…he is a versatile actor.”

Dharmendra compliments RanveerSingh, Calling Him A “VersatilePerformer”

Actually, fans of KiaraAdvani feel that her lookmatches Hema Malini to a

great extent. Kiara believes that itis an honour to look like HemaMalini, but she wants to look likeherself; because she finds itstrange to look like someone else.Kiara also talked about herlookalike and dentist AishwaryaSingh. Aishwarya Singh looksexactly like Kiara and many of herpictures have gone viral on socialmedia.

Kiara Replied On Comparison With HemaMalini; Said, “I Want To Look Like Myself”

Shah Rukh Khan’s Son Aryan Khan Is Hitting Headlines For All Wrong Reasons Nowadays

For those who are unaware,Shah Rukh Khan’s son AryanKhan has been detained by

the Narcotics Bureau Of Control forthe illegal consumption andpossession of drugs. After thehearing Aryan along with 8 otheraccused including ArbaazMerchant, Munmun Dhamechawere sent to judicial custody for 14days.

As per the reports, Aryan is notconsuming enough food and waterto avoid going to the toilet in jail.The police authorities and jail staffare worried about his health andasking him to use the toilet andconsume proper food and water,but there has been no properresponse from his side. This has ledto worries about his deterioratinghealth.

Richa Chadha Deletes Twitter App AfterA User Made A Disgraceful CommentOn Her Relationship With Ali Fazal

Recently, the Massan actressleft everyone in shock whenshe decided to uninstall the

Twitter app from her phone. Sheshared her last tweet beforedeleting the app which read,“Deleting this app off of my phone.Takes too much, is toxic. Bye.”Meanwhile, Ali and Richa havebeen dating each other for a longtime. They had been planning toget married but the Covid 19compelled them to postpone theirplans.

Shah Rukh Khan Is ‘Devastated’ AndHaving ‘Sleepless’ Nights Worried AboutSon Aryan Khan’s Health In Jail

According to the latestreport, Shah Rukh Khan isspending sleepless nights

following up on the case andmaintaining contact with NCBofficials. “It didn’t dawn on themthat this would go on for such along time. Gauri and SRK makemultiple calls throughout the dayto check on his health. Eventhough there is no direct access toAryan, information on his well-being is conveyed to the family.There even was a request made tosend home-cooked meals and hispersonal belongings to Aryan.”

Priyanka Chopra Turns Her Husband NickJonas “Desi” As He Asks Her To Perform PujaEvery Time They Commence Something Big

In a viral video, Preity Zinta couldbe spotted greeting the coupleat an award show, Riteish can

be seen hugging and kissing theactress gracefully, while Geneliacould be spotted giving hard looksat Riteish. The video is so popularamong the audience that Geneliaherself made fun of it in one of herreels. In another session of theshow, Arbaaz read a few commentsof the trolls about the couple andthey were asked to give theirreaction. One of the troller askedGenelia to ‘hit Ritiesh with slipper’.To this, Ritiesh responded and said,“Jhadoo ne kya bura kiya (why can’tshe choose a broom)?” Anothertroll wrote, “Totally his fault. Heshould focus on his wife more.”Riteish laughed and said, “Youfocus on your wife, not on mine.”

Now speaking to Victoria’sSecret VS Voices podcast,Priyanka revealed that

Nick Jonas asks her to performPuja everytime they commencesomething big. She said,“Spiritually, Nick and I alignwhen it comes to our feelingsand our relationship with ourfaith. Of course, we have beenraised with different faiths. I ama believer that eventually,religion is a map to get to thesame destination, which is God.So, whatever your faith has beenwhen you were raised, we are allgoing in the same direction to ahigher power. We both align onthat,” she said.

Riteish Deshmukh Gives A BefittingResponse To The Troll Asking Him ToFocus On His Wife Genelia

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.By Dr. Sanjay Teotia

Although the emotions andsensations of romantic loveare widely associated with

sexual attraction, romantic feelingscan exist without expectation ofphysical consummation and besubsequently expressed. In certaincases, romance could even be justpassed down as a normalfriendship. Love and romance areboth feelings and gestures that canbe experienced in the same context.

Love is a feeling or emotion feltby one living being towardsanother. But it can also be sharedwith another entity. In contrast,romance as a feeling ischaracterised as a thrill, excitementand exhilaration. We all want to beloved and share love but thatdoesn’t mean everyone shares thesame definition of love.

In a culture where we tend toplace romantic love on a pedestal,we can easily overlook the dynamicways to experience love. Love is notfound in just one person but inmany people and many aspects ofour daily lives.

These new feelings can be excitingor even confusing at first.

Love is such a powerful humanemotion that experts are constantlystudying it. They have discoveredthat love has three main qualities,namely attraction, closeness andcommitment.

Attraction is the chemistry part oflove. It’s all about the physical evensexual interest that two people havein each other. Attraction isresponsible for the desire we feel tokiss and hold the object of ouraffection. Attraction is also what’sbehind the flushes and nervousnessbut excited way we feel when thatperson is near.

Closeness is the bond thatdevelops when we share thoughtsand feelings that we don’t share withanyone else. When you have thisfeeling of closeness with yourboyfriend or girlfriend, you feelsupported, cared for, understoodand accepted for who you are. Trustis a big part of this.

Commitment is the promise ordecision to stick by the other personthrough the ups and downs of therelationships. Attraction withoutcloseness is more like a crush orinfatuation. You are attracted tosomeone physically but don’t knowthe person well enough yet, to feelthe closeness that comes fromsharing personal experiences andfeelings.

Romantic love is when attractionand closeness are combined. Lots ofrelationships grow out of an initialattraction (a crush or love at firstsight) and develop into closeness. Itis also possible for a friendship tomove from closeness into attractionas two people realise theirrelationship is more than ‘just like’and they have become interested inone another in a romantic way.

For people falling in love for thefirst time, it can be hard to tell thedifference between the intense, newfeelings of physical attraction andthe deeper closeness that goes withbeing in love. When people firstexperience falling in love, it oftenstarts as attraction. Sexual feelingscan also be part of this attraction. If a

relationship is destined to last, this iswhere closeness enters the picture.The early passionate intensity mayfade away but a deep affectionateattachment takes its place.

Sex in a love relationship deepensits feelings. Couples that love eachother tend to have sex more often.When both partners are engagedand have sex regularly, it deepensthe feelings of love that they havefor each other.

SEXUAL DESIRE AND LOVE

Love and sex are two differentthings. However, there are varyingopinions in the society about howthey connect. Some believe that thetwo are almost interchangeable.They assume that if sex is present,then love is also present. This canlead down some very rough roads.

Others believe that the two arenot connected at all. They believethat you can easily have one withoutthe other sans any lasting effects.Sexual desire and love lead to someof the same reactions in your brain.That means it can be easy to confusewhat you are experiencing. This iswhy some people struggle to think ifthey are in love after having sexwhile the other person doesn’t.

Science also explains that thismakes sex even better when you arein love because you are getting adouble dose of the chemicals thatmake you feel good. Differentstudies show that the majority ofwomen believe that when love andromance is present, the sexualexperience is better and morefulfilling. These results wereregardless of it being in a marriage ora dating relationship.

When love is present, trust is alsopresent. Trust adds a certain level ofcomfort to the relationship,including in sex. That means whenyou are making love with someonethat you fall in love with, you are notworried about being judged.

This connection also means thatyou can be more open during thesexual experience. You can easilyshare the things that you like and

14 Woman’s Era ● November 2021

IN A CULTURE WHEREWE TEND TO PLACEROMANTIC LOVE ON APEDESTAL, WE CANEASILY OVERLOOK THEDYNAMIC WAYS TOEXPERIENCE LOVE.LOVE IS NOT FOUND INJUST ONE PERSON BUTIN MANY PEOPLE ANDMANY ASPECTS OF OURDAILY LIVES.

Lack of romantic love is not acharacter flaw; rather it’s a failure ofour collective imagination toacknowledge the various forms oflove that exist in our lives. Lovingand being loved adds richness to ourlives. When people feel close toothers they are happier and evenhealthier.

Love helps us feel important,understood and secure. Each kind oflove has its own distinctive feel. Thekind of love we feel in romanticrelationships is its own unique typeof love.

Our ability to feel romantic lovedevelops during adolescence. Teensall over the world notice passionatefeelings of attraction. Even incultures where people are notallowed to act on or express thesefeelings, this feeling is still there.

It’s a natural part of growing upto develop romantic feelings andsexual attraction towards others.

don’t like. You won’t be afraid to askfor things you want. And, you knowyou are loved and therefore you canrelax at a level that you cannot reachwhen love is absent during sex.

Sexual desire is one way to showlove to another person. You can havesex without presence of love, butthen sex is just sex. Nothing morethan that. Even if you physicallyenjoy it, there will be a level ofemptiness that comes with makingsex when love is absent. There is noreal meaning to it. You know that itleads to nothing else.

However, when you love theperson that you are with, it takes thesexual experience to a deeper level.Emotional as well as physical needsare met with. Romance or romanticlove is an emotional feeling of lovefor or a strong attraction towardsanother person and the courtshipbehaviours are undertaken by anindividual to express those overallfeelings and resultant emotions.

Romantic love based on themodel of mutual attraction and on aconnection between two peoplethat bonds them as a couple, createsthe conditions for overturning themodel of family and marriage that itengenders. This indicates thatromantic love can be the founding ofattraction between two people.Love is the necessary prerequisitefor starting an intimate relationshipand represents the foundation tobuild a family.

Romantic love is an intensity andidealisation of a love relationship, inwhich the other is imbued withextraordinary virtue, beauty etc., sothat the relationship overrides allother considerations includingmaterial ones.

Romantic love is a motivationalstate typically associated with adesire for long-term mating with aparticular individual. It occursthroughout the lifespan and isassociated with distinctive cognitive,emotional, behavioural, social,genetic, neural and endocrineactivity in both sexes. Throughoutmuch of the life course, it servesmate choice, courtship, sex and pair-bonding functions. It is a suite of

adaptations and byproducts thatarose sometime during the recentevolutionary history of humans. Eventhough romance is based onfeelings, it is still an importantcomponent of love. Romance keepslove from becoming complacement.The passion of romance is alwaysdirected at our own projections, ourown expectations, our ownfantasies. It is a love not of anotherperson, but of our own self.

LOVE Vs ROMANCERomance caters to needs and

expectations. Love is a constantcompanion, even when needs arenot being met. Love is there to takecare of the other when they are sick,heartbroken or even angry.Romantic love distinguishesmoments and situations withinintimate relationships to anindividual as contributing to asignificant relationship connection.

Romance includes the thrillingmoments but love is forwardthinking and is in it for the long haul.Romance still contributes to therelationship progression, thoughromance is the part that offersadventure and intense emotionswhile offering the possibility to findthe perfect mate.

On the other hand, intimacyoffers deep communication,

friendship and long lasting sharing.True love is the commitment andeven the discipline that contributesto the relationship survival. Romanceis part of love but love can continuewithout romance.

On the contrary, romance won’tlast long without love. A goodrelationship is a healthy place wherelove and romance coexist. Love isdefined as the inner feeling of aperson while romance is defined asthe output expression of a persontowards their partner. Love is notvisible because it is a feeling, butromance can be felt and seenbecause it includes romanticgestures. Humans evolved the abilityto become attached to each other,


Sharat Chandra is a fashionand glamour photographerand film producer from

Mumbai. He has shot manyfashion brands and editorials. He has developed an individualstyle that’s artistic and glamorous.He is known for his

Leading Fashion and Glamour Photographer

unconventional lighting andangles. Cover Picture was shot bySharat Chandra, fashionPhotographer. Contact details: 9820056198Instagram:@Sharatchandraphotography Email: [email protected]


When I had newly arrived atmy sister’s place, I used to lockmyself in the house because I wasnot fluent in Hindi.

As I had still not found a job, Ioffered to babysit my sister’s kidsaged 3 and 1 as both of them usedto go to work.

The flat was very close to therailway station. The childrenwould bid their parents goodbyeat home and would bid theirparents goodbye at home andwould often stand in the balconyand watch their train pass by.

That train used to run between

kanti muwwara station and newKanti junction I would confine thekids to the house. The only time Itook them out was when my sisterand my brother-in-law weresupposed to arrive from duty.

One day the younger one wasnot feeling well and the elder onewanted to go downstair to play.When I forbade him to do so, hewent to the balcony and startedpeeping out and calling his friends.

After a while, when I lookeddown from the balcony, he wasnowhere to be seen. I wasfrightened as hell. When I scannedthe railway track, I noticed thatsignals were down for the Jabalpurnizamudddin Qutab express andsoon the local trains would arrive.

I ran downstairs with theyounger child in my arms andhanded him over to the lad on theground floor, rushing towards therailway station.

As the local train reached there,one passenger noticed the child onthe railway track. He ran as fast ashe could and picked him up andthen the train passed.

It was a narrow escape. I quicklywent up to that person and

Has something happened in your lifethat has left an indelibleimpression on your mind? Someexperience that gladdens yourheart or which makes you shudderwith pain or embarrassment evenafter years! Why not share yourexperience with the readers ofWoman’s Era? All publishedincidents will be paid `200. Please type or write neatly on whitefoolscap paper and send it to:

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A CLOSE SHAVE

grabbed the child from him,thanking him profusely. I justcan’t imagine what would havehappened, if he had not beenthere?

I will always remain grateful tohim.

– Suvarna

to identify exactly which type of loveyou feel while tight in its grip mightnot be the easiest task. Sex is anintegral part of close, romanticrelationships and is a defining featureof being in love. Different researchesthrow light on associations betweensex, sexual satisfaction and sexualmotivation with factors such asrelationship and marital satisfaction,intimacy and love.

Sexually satisfied couples areemotionally attuned to each otherinside and outside of their bedroom.The key to long term happiness then,sexually and otherwise, is for bothpartners to support and value theirfriendship.

Steps to make sex more romanticin your relationship are: learn the artof sex talk, redefine sex, createrituals for initiating and refusing sex,have continuous conversationsabout sexual intimacy.

to keep a relationship frombecoming stagnant, you simply haveto care. Unfortunately, chemistry isgenerally not long-lasting. Manypeople give up when it is gone.Romance is the sump pump thatkicks in when indifference rises.Feelings come and go butunconditional love stays, it is longlasting and faithful.

Ask anyone if love is complicatedand there is a good chance they willprobably say yes or sometimes at thevery least. Part of complications oflove stems from the fact that it canbe challenging when the person youlove doesn’t feel the same way orwhen they do but your relationshipfails to take off.

Love can also complicate lifebecause it takes different forms andyou might not immediately recognisewhich type of love you are feeling.Deciphering your feelings and trying

that is, the ability to love each otherbecause it helped us survive. This isnot exactly romantic or sexy, but it istrue.

The ancient Greek philosopherPlato argued that the highest formof love was de-facto this non-sexual,non-romantic form of attachment toanother person, the so-calledbrotherly love.

Plato reasoned (correctly) thatsince passion and romance and sexoften make us do ridiculous thingsthat we regret, this sort ofpassionless love between two familymembers or between two closefriends was the height of virtuoushuman experience.

In fact, Plato, like most people inthe ancient world, looked uponromantic love with skepticism, if notabsolute horror. The opposite of loveis not hate, it is indifference. If youwant to keep love alive, if you want We

Investing was never only meantto be for men! Let me give you ascenario. You heard a lot about

cryptocurrencies, or rather bitcoin.You think of investing in it, trygiving it a shot. And you wonder,how to buy your first bitcoin. Youdo your internet research and findout all about platforms that let youbuy your bitcoin. But still, howwould you proceed?

Unocoin is India's first-everbitcoin trading platform. But notjust bitcoin, there are more thanforty other digital currencies thatyou can invest in through Unocoin.

KYC and security policyfollowed:

The first step to buy your firstbitcoin is to be a registered user ofUnocoin. Unocoin follows aprotocol called KYC, the Know YourCustomer policy. Each Unocoin userhas to provide her bank details anda copy of government-issuedidentity proof. This secures theidentity of the user.

Nothing for fake sake:The user also needs to provide an

email ID, a telephone number forenabling secure login. Security is ofutmost importance when it comesto any traditional asset, money, andalso, cryptocurrency. This is takencare of by Unocoin's internalsystem. Each user receives a 6-digitpasscode on their registered mobilenumber that needs to be enteredwhile someone tries to log in. Asuccess or a failure email is alsoreceived if the login is successful orunsuccessful.

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How they came to fascinate the world. By Padmaja Menon

The Black Forest region('Schwarzwald') is essentiallyknown for three distinctive

features: its highlands, scenery andwoods, the typical Black ForestGateau (cake) ('SchwarzwälderKirschtorte') whose success isbased on tasty cherry schnapps andthe traditional cuckoo-clock.

Until the Middle Age, the BlackForest was really and truly a darkforest — neither more nor less. Itwas, as the Romans said, a "SilvaNigra", the murky and almostimpenetrable woodland. Only thehighest mountains (the"Hornisgrinde" in the north, the"Feldberg" in the south) could beseen above the maze of trees.

This situation, however, changedin the late Middle Age, when thehuge fir trees and pine trees, all of asudden, began to be used aslumber. They were also used tomake the the famous cuckoo clocks.

The First TimepiecesIt had always been my ambition

to own a cuckoo clock as the call ofthe cuckoo; ‘blithe spirit’ fascinatedme. So when our coach turned intoDrubba, where cuckoo clocks are

made and sold, I was thrilled.In 1629, many decades before

clock making was established in theBlack Forest, an Augsburgnobleman, by the name of PhilippHainhofer (1578-1647), penned thefirst known account of a cuckooclock. The clock was a prizedpossession of Prince Flector.

Although the idea of placing acuckoo bird in a clock did notoriginate in the Black Forest, it isnecessary to emphasise that the

cuckoo clock, as we know it today,comes from this region located insouthwest Germany whosetradition of clock making started inthe late 17th century.

The Black Forest people, whocreated the cuckoo clock industry,developed it and still come up withnew designs and technicalimprovements which have madethe cuckoo clock a valued work ofart all over the world.

The history of cuckoo clock islinked to the Black Forest. Thepopular house-shapedBahnhäusleuhr (Railroad houseclock) virtually forced thediscontinuation of other designswithin a few years. That design wasexactly what I was looking for.

Michael, our guide there,launched an animated demo on themakings of a cuckoo clock.

The basic cuckoo clock of todayis the railway-house (Bahnhäusle)form, still with its richornamentation, and these areknown under the name of"traditional" (or carved); whichdisplay carved leaves, birds, deerheads (like the Jagdstück design),other animals, etc.

MUSICAL CUCKOOCLOCKS FREQUENTLYHAVE OTHERAUTOMATA WHICHMOVE WHEN THEMUSIC BOX PLAYS.TODAY'S CUCKOOCLOCKS ARE ALMOSTALWAYS WEIGHTDRIVEN, THOUGH AVERY FEW ARE SPRINGDRIVEN. "CUC-KOO"SOUND IS CREATED BYTWO TINY PIPES.

The richly decorated Bahnhäusleclocks have become a symbol of theBlack Forest that is instantlyunderstood anywhere in the world.It is not clear who built the firstcuckoo clocks here but there isunanimity that the unusual clockwith the bird call very quicklyconquered the region.

Already by the middle of the 18thcentury, several small clock makingshops produced cuckoo clocks withwooden gears. So the first BlackForest cuckoo clocks were createdbetween 1740 and 1750. They hadhand-painted shields.

The design of a cuckoo clock isnow conventional. Most are madein the "traditional style" (alsoknown as "carved") or chalet tohang on a wall. In the "traditional

style" the wooden case is decoratedwith carved leaves and animals.

Most now have an automation ofthe bird that appears through asmall trap door while the clock isstriking. The bird is often made tomove while the clock strikes,typically by means of an arm thatlifts the back of the carving.

There are two kinds ofmovements: one-day (30-hour) andeight-day movements. Some havemusical movements, and play a tuneon a Swiss music box after strikingthe hours and half-hours. Usuallythe melody sounds only at full hoursin eight-day clocks and both at fullhours and half hours in one-dayclocks.

Musical cuckoo clocks frequentlyhave other automata which move


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when the music box plays. Today'scuckoo clocks are almost alwaysweight driven, though a very feware spring driven. The weights aremade of cast iron in a pine coneshape and the "cuc-koo" sound iscreated by two tiny gedackt (pipes)in the clock, with bellows attachedto their tops.

The clock's movement activatesthe bellows to send a puff of air intoeach pipe alternately when theclock strikes.

And my dream came true whenwe purchased a traditional Cuckooclock.

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Your brand is the singlemost importantinvestment you canmake in your business.By Tulika Sinha

BRANDING TIPS FORFASHION

DESIGNERS

As an aspiring designerlooking to get your idea outthere, you know for a fact

that building a brand takes a lot ofwork. It takes time, strategy andexperience to create a brand thatlooks as professional and polishedas the designs it represents.

This article is a kind of checklistthat you should follow long beforelaunching your products. Brandingis a way to build brand awarenessand loyalty among your customers.So, before you even think of a startdate, check out these brandingprinciples. This way you can see ifthere is anything left that you needto work on.

Set-up the foundation Think of your brand as a well-

built home. Each part is created onpurpose, but the foundation is reallyone of the most important aspects.Without a good foundation, a housefalls apart and the same goes for anew brand. Four important factsform a strong brand foundation.Think about it before creating yourbrand aesthetic.

State your "why" statement: Whyare you creating this brand? Why areyou passionate about bringingthese products to your customers?Write your "why" statement. That'sright, write it down and hang it up.This is your foundation tonic. Whenthings get murky, confusing, andfrustrating, this statement will beyour guide.

Formulate your valueproposition: How do you offeradded value to your futurecustomers? What makes youdifferent? Why do people care?Answering this question will helpyou find your mission statement,motto, and possibly even yourbrand.

Research Your Audience: Knowthe people you will serve when yourbrand is up and running. Find asample of your ideal audience andlearn all you can about them. Havinga working knowledge of youraudience (think demographics,interests, values) will help informthe creative aspects of yourbusiness branding.

Choose your brand and slogan:Now is the time to start choosingyour brand and slogan. Well maybeyour brand was started from a nameand you have already locked anduploaded that name. That isperfectly fine! Often times, a namecan be the trigger for the creationof a brand. But even if your name isalready there, a slogan or shortbranding statement is a veryimportant part of the brandingprocess. The slogan of your brandcan attract lots of customers.

Artistic PartNow we can focus on what

people generally think of when theysay the word brand. What will yournew business look like on paper andonline? Knowing that a successfulbrand is about much more thancolour and logo, we have thebuilding blocks to make informeddecisions about the creative side ofa brand.

Choose colour palette: First,choose a colour palette. Colourpsychology is an important factorfor customers to trust your brand.Choose colours that match yourvalues and make sure there are 34complementary colours that youclaim for your brand.

Go for type: a font also helpscommunicate your brand's voice.Fonts can be heavy, serious, funny,and some are just plain ugly. Makesure you know what you're gettinginto with fonts if you're interestedin branding yourself.

Create Logo: You can now startwith a logo. If you are not a graphicdesigner, you can save yourself a lotof headaches and hassles bypartnering with a professionaldesigner, if only for the logo. Sendthem any previous research andbranding you've done to help themwith their creation process.

Choose a voice for your brand:While this has nothing to do withhow the brand looks, choosing theright narrative and voice is an artform. If you don't want to talk toevery potential customer, they aregoing to find you via the writtenword. A consistent brand voicehelps with brand recognition.


THINK OF YOUR BRANDAS A WELL-BUILTHOME. EACH PART ISCREATED ON PURPOSE,BUT THE FOUNDATIONIS REALLY ONE OF THEMOST IMPORTANTASPECTS. WITHOUT AGOOD FOUNDATION, AHOUSE FALLS APARTAND THE SAME GOESFOR A NEW BRAND.

Marketing or EcommerceWebsite: The new business ownersshould always keep their websitesimple to get started. From there,create an action plan to increase thedepth of your content in themonths after it goes live. Too manypeople go into the details and depthof a website and never bring it tomarket. Just get started, keep yourbranding elements and add them ifyou can.

Posters and Flyers: If you live in atown or small city and are planningto throw a launch party, attend afashion show, or just want tospread the word, posters and flyersare still a great tactic. Whendesigning, use your creativity andready-made branding elements todesign the look.

Tip To Remember AlwaysOf course, it is good to

remember that this is not anabsolute list. Perhaps its foundationwas laid years ago, but it will needto be updated after the walls arebuilt. Or read this after thinkingabout how to build a consistentwebsite and social presence. Nomatter where you are in thebranding process, start at the top ofthe branding principles list andwork your way down.

Actually, this is also a greatexercise for established brands. Asa designer and small business

owner, it's easy to get lost ineveryday tasks. Going back

to your "why" statement,his audience and even hisbrand colours can helpyou put your brand'spurpose back intoperspective.

Building your brand Now that you have the

foundations and walls in place foryour brand, you can begincustomising and creating assets tohelp you market your next brand.

Business Cards: Business cardsare still relevant. Especially if youplan to attend trade shows, tradefairs, or other events, you shouldprint at least 100 business cards tokeep on hand.

We

Social Media Pages: Social mediaremains one of the most powerfulways to spread the word about abrand launch. I would suggestcreating at least Facebook,Instagram and Pinterest accountsfor your brand and making sure yourbranding is consistent across allplatforms. Use your logo as a profilepicture, use your brand colours asInstagram highlight covers, andmake sure your photos are of highquality.

Social Media Graphics:Graphics for your socialnetworks go hand in hand withyour social media profiles.Often times, Pinterest pinsand occasional Instagramposts are ready-madegraphics. Whendesigning thesegraphics, theconsistency ofbrandingelements isimportant.

SOCIAL MEDIA REMAINS ONE OF THE MOSTPOWERFUL WAYS TO SPREAD THE WORD ABOUTA BRAND LAUNCH. I WOULD SUGGEST CREATINGAT LEAST FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM AND PINTERESTACCOUNTS FOR YOUR BRAND AND MAKING SUREYOUR BRANDING IS CONSISTENT ACROSS ALLPLATFORMS.

THREE MONTHS AGO, I CUT MY HAIR

very short. Since then, they haveregrown only 3 inches so far. I

want to grow them up to my shoulderswithin a short period. What should Ido? I have applied various oils andgrowth-promoting lotions.

Hairs have their own growth periodand life span. You cannot acceleratethe speed which is determined by thegenes. For a healthy and normalgrowth, steam and massage can bevery beneficial. Massage your scalpwith pure olive oil half-an-hour beforeshampoo 3 times a week.

To steam your hair, take a largetowel. Wring it out in hot water, thenwrap it around your head like a turban.Leave it on for 10 minutes. Shampoohair with warm water. Steam should begiven only once a week.

SOME LINES, WHICH LOOK LIKE crow’sfeet, have developed at the outercorner of my eyes. I have tried

cold compresses, raw milk and evenpotato slices over the area, but I foundall of them ineffective. As no one of myage (I am 16 years old) has such lines, Iwonder if the problem is due to thevarious homemade preparations whichI have been applying. I also have darkcircles under my eyes.

Cold compresses and potato slicescan only provide cooling effect at themost. They do not have any effect onpremature lines and dark circles underthe eyes, which could be the result ofany one or several reasons like eyestrain, late nights, anxiety and irondeficiency. If you have been studyingor reading for long hours at a stretch,try to break the monotony by gazinginto the distance for a few secondsevery half-an-hour. This will relieve eyestrain. Wash your eyes with cold waterat regular intervals to keep them clean

and clear. Have a regular eye check-up. On the diet side, eat plenty ofgreen leafy vegetables, fruits, grains,and pulses. If you are a non-vegetarian, you can include egg yolkand liver which are good sources of iron.

WHY BLACKHEADS AND

whiteheads appear on myface. Is it because of my age

or is it the dirt which accumulates inthe skin? I am 28 years oId, vegetarianand eat a normal diet.

The skin is covered with a thin layerof sebum which is secreted fromsebaceous glands under the skin. Whenthe skin pores are blocked, the tinyplug of oil turns into whiteheads orblackheads. To get rid of theseblockades, you have to steam your facefor 5 minutes 3 times a week. Insteadof soap, use a facewash for cleaningyour face. Apply an astringent lotionover the affected area. You can alsouse a few drops of lemon juice. Thereare excellent exfoliating creams whichcan be used to remove the dead skincells and grime form the skin, leaving itsoft and smooth. You should, however,seek professional help, if the problempersists.

IHAVESOME DOUBTS ABOUT THE USE OF

hot wax. Is it safe to be used forremoving hair from underarms

and legs? Does its frequent use leadto a permanent cure? Is there a betterway than this?

Hot or cold wax is not a permanentcure. There are better and safer waysto remove unwanted hair. A hairdepilator is more convenient to use.With a shaver attachment it can alsobe used for underarm hair. With agethe hair growth decreases on its own.Frequent waxing does notpermanently reduce hair growth.

●

●Q A&Beauty Queries

Readers are invited to send theirbeauty problems and questions regardingface, complexion, hair, skin, eyes, etc tothis column.

Address your letters, written legibly ortyped on white paper, to:WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, NewDelhi-110 055, Womansera.com

●


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LosingAdolescenceStage

Temptations around youth drive them to jump it.By Dr. P. Singh 'Valyan'

Two important decades of 21stcentury have passed. And theword liberalisatian has taken

its roots in each field during the last30 years. Lifestyle has changeddrastically all over India. Some timeback, a Delhi-based student madeblue film of his girl friend andshared it with his friends on theirmobile phones. It created panic inthe entire country.

Sex-related incidents are dishedout in both print and electronicmedia in India. Sometimes, it is theclip of Anaro Gupta or MallikaSherawat; sometimes it is kissingclip of Kareena Kapoor with ShahidKapoor or sometimes they showShakti Kapoor sexually proposing awoman, they tell about illegal childof Aamir Khan. They also openlyshowed a Governer’s relation with acall girl.

Sex relations areexplicit in visual media.Sex scenes are openelyshown in movies likeMurder, Girlfriend, Zaharetc. And some movieshave a series of kisses.Famous leaders, actors,media mughals andgovernment officialshave been accused ofillicit sexual relationshipin #MeToo campaign.

Youth born in this erahave been enjoying thenew and happeningeconomy. They givepriority to their selfindependence and theirchoices. They are usingInternet and satellitetelevision for allinformation, still theyare confused. Inspite ofall this, when they areasked if they knowabout sex, 86 per centof 1674 urban youth saythat they know, while 38 per cent of1498 rural youth knew about sex.Most of them received their first sexeducation from their friends. Only 7per cent gained this knowledgefrom sex education programme.66.8 per cent youth had first sexexperience from 14 to 18.

Part time therapist AnitaVasudev says, “Around 25 yearsago, adolescents mostly hadissues around pocket-money andthey had no special issues withtheir parents, because parentshad a fixed income. But today, theyhave a very light line betweenthem.”

Ms. Vasudev says that sexrelation was a big deal threedecades back. While it is commontoday that even children want todo everything in practical. Themain reason is now all socialmanners are under dust andsocial boundations have becomeloose new.

16 years ago, Ayesha Jhulka wasa very pretty poster girl. Opennessof Delhi was a fresh, welcomingchange for Ayesha, after she had

passed a pounded life forfour years, which shespent in Agra, UP. Shebelongs to an Armybackground, where shegot new city, school afterevery three or four years.At last, when she wascought drinking Vodkawith a boy, she wasexpelled from school.

Then her family senther to Delhi to live with arelative. Before takingadmission in a school here,she spent some days inmalls and shoppingcomplexs of Delhi. She gotsome relatives forsighseeing in the city.Having spent whole dayhere and there, theylanded in a cheap bar tospend their evening atleisure. At present, she hasa rich man in her life, whoshe denies to reveal. Still, she has incomplete

knowledge of sex because she hashad no sex yet. But her friend toldher that first sex is very painful.Smiling Ayesha told that still shewants to have an experiment of it.

Some psychologists say thatthere are many youth who want to

refuse their adolescent stage likeAyesha and they want to be youngbefore the time to reach theircareer milestone before the age.Now, parents also accept thatchildren grow earlier.

Shabnam Chopra, mother of a 17-year-old son, says, “My sonobtained good marks in exams anddid all what we had thought. Yet, Ikept all information about hisfriends, parties everything.Everything went good for somedays. But suddenly some thingsstarted changing. He startedexamining everything with his ownview. Like, telling qualities of farmhouse parties, alcohol and otheractivities which took place there. Itried to stop him, he started hidingthings and at last he was out of mycontrol.”

PEER PRESSURE AND INTERNET

Pressure of Internet culture canbe seen and felt even in small townsas well. 17-years-old Kunwar MukulSingh, a student of B.Com first yearin Lucknow, boasts about hisgirlfriend that they had reachedonly the second phase yet. Still,they have no plan to experimentsex yet. He and his friends havedecided to keep their virginity till 18years of age. They don’t want sexbefore 18. It’s too early.

Only 21 per cent youth in thesurvey are like Mukul, who don’tassume that sex before marriage isright. White 29 per cent believe thatsex is not bad if you have love. Onother hand, 11 per cent believe thatsex reduces love.

Delhi school student, AshaGupta, 17, says that “Sex isconnected to love in school. But I

don’t think anyone does it forlove. Most of the adolescentshave sex to satisfy their physicalthirst and experience the

physical pleasure it gives. Yes,boys are more active and they

have more information than girls.”Situation is somewhat under

control in exclusive girls and boyscolleges, because fewer students

ADOLESCENTSMOSTLY HAD

ISSUESAROUNDPOCKET-

MONEY ANDTHEY HAD NO

SPECIALISSUES WITH

THEIRPARENTS,BECAUSE

PARENTS HADA FIXED

INCOME.

Anita Vasudev

could attract towardsthe opposite sex. RaviKumar, 17, student of aboarding school inDehradoon, says that“Discipline is brokenonly for unwantedthings because wecould stay out for a verylimited time and girls’boarding has stricterrules. They are likethere like home arrestand strictly prohibiledto mix up with boys.”

Whereas, boys andgirls are prohibtted tomeet in school but noone can stop themmeeting secretly. Thesestudents can bunkschool and cheat systmto meet and blossomtheir youthfulness.

Psycologists tellmany social reasons ofsexual revolution inadolescents, such as, broken family,single parent, and dependence onparents in the want of joint family.When their friends tease them forhaving no sex, they are pressurisedto make girlfriend.

New thoughts have been takingplace in our society due to satellitetelevision, new technology andglobalisation. According to a survey,63 per cent people believe that

English movies are a goodsource to gain sexknowledge. While 34 percent see television andprint media and 39 per centbelieve good books andfriends are a good source.According to them, printand electronic mediaencourage to have sex.

Sociologist Divya Arorasays that new technologybears an open societywhich is necessary to moveforward. But when thissame technology providesmore information to ouradolescents than their age,a dispute arises whichcreates manysocialdisbalances.

It is bannedto show sexualrelation clearlyin Indian

cinema. Butsuccess of Murder in2003 has changedBollywood’s perceptioncompletely. Now, mostof the movies are beingmade on sex-relatedissues and they aresuccessful also.

Government schooladvisor Pratiksha Duasays, “Today’s children

are very violent and practicaltowards sex. In fact, public schoolstudents have a very lesspercentage because their parentsare working and they have noshortage of money and they can’tgive their children proper time.Some parents are also responsiblefor this. Now, they have noobjection to physical relationshipamong boys and girls in theiradolescence. But the problem ariseswhen an unmarried girl getspregnant.”

The main reason for this isabsence of sex education. Eventoday, we shrink on sex educationwhile it is very important issuetoday, because youth are watching

more sex and obscenecontents. And when theyare excited beyond a limit,they are compelled toestablish sex relation.Easily availablepornographic contentsalso drive sex relationshipamong youth. Television,films and social media areall making children curious.Now, kissing and huggingare very common. Evengirls are also not second tonone.

Nowadays, moralitymeasurements havechanged in our presentgeneration. Parents don’tstop even girls to go outfor late night parties alone.They not only payattention on sex andparties but also theirphysical dress and shape.

As Anita Gupta, 15, hadundergone a breast uplift

surgery after her boyfriendcomplained that she did not lookhot in halter and tubs top. She hasno regret of that hard, serioussurgery. She says that she looksattractive after surgery and herconfidence also increased.

There are number of girls whoare very slim. They pester theirparents that they would take onlythe diet food. They demand moremoney for cosmetics. There are


THIS SAMETECHNOLOGY

PROVIDESMORE

INFORMATIONTO OUR

ADOLESCENTSTHAN THEIR

AGE, ADISPUTE

ARISES WHICHCREATES

MANY SOCIALDISBALANCES.

Divya Arora

PARENTS OFEVEN THIRD

CLASSSTUDENTSCOME TO

TELL US THATTHEIR

CHILDRENWATCH PORN

SITES ONINTERNET.

AND ONFACEBOOK,

PICTURES ARESO EROTIC.

Shelja Sen

number of boys whose bathroom isfilled with many tyepes ofdeodorants and hair gels and whowant their hair dressing like theirfavourite stars. Their curved body isa decorated home, weather it istattoo, long nailes, hanging nosering or whatever else. Recently,Delhi’s 13-year-oldVijay Kumar, who hadhis eyebrow pierced,says, “Imogodh”,means, self confident.

Delhi-basedpsychologist SheljaSen says, “Parents ofeven third classstudents come to tellus that their childrenwatch porn sites onInternet. And onFacebook theirpictures are so erotic.”

These 21st centuryadolescents are nothappy with theirattractive look butthey want to have

perfect figure also. Theybelieve that such a figurecan be achieved with thehelp of branded clothes,gym, salon and evenplastic surgery if need be.

Now, it looks likeyoung age has come to

possess thechildren. They cancross any limit toenhance theirlook and whenchildren behavelike elders and tryto look more thantheir age, theiremotionaldevelopment canbe restrained.

BombayPsychiatristSociety’s headand advisor, DrRajendra Barvey says,“When these kinds ofchildren will be of 40 or 45years of age, they would like

to be child, whom theyhad already lost and theycould behave immature.Mostly girls come withtheir mothers to clinicand demand to make itlike that.”

In Mumbai, cosmeticsurgeon at HiranandaniHospital Dr Milind Baghsays that generallychildren come withmother becausemothers are easy toagree. He elaborates, “Itis clear, today’s societyis going to the waywhere children want itto go.

In order to lookaffectionate, they arelosing their adolescence.That is, humans areleaping into youth from

childhood directly skippingadolscence. It can have dangerousconsequences in future. We need totake care of it, right now.”


MOSTLY GIRLSCOME WITH

THEIRMOTHERS TOCLINIC ANDDEMAND TOMAKE IT LIKE

THAT.

Dr Rajendra Barvey

IT IS CLEAR,TODAY’S

SOCIETY ISGOING TO THEWAY WHERE

CHILDRENWANT IT TO GO.

TO LOOKAFFECTIONATE,

THEY ARELOSING THEIR

ADOLESCENCE.

Milind Bagh

MedscapeIndiaAryan Medical &Educational

Trust has workedrelentlessly on the ‘Savethe girl child’ campaign,women health, andwomen empowermentinitiatives for the last 18years initiated byrenowned Radiologist andPhilanthropist and visionary Dr.Sunita Dube. She said, "I thinksetting up a role model in everyfield is important which can inspirewomen. I come from a villagebackground and was the firstdoctor in the school which mygrandfather started. Today, morethan 200 girls from that school aregetting educated and some ofthem have become engineers,joined the Army, and have becomeIAS officers. Today, I request

everyone to take the pledgeto save the girl child fromwomb to tomb."

The event was graced bythe Governor of MaharashtraShri Bhagat Singh Koshiyari,Maharashtra Health MinisterShri Rajesh Tope, Shri HarshVardhan, Former ExecutiveChairman WHO, and Former

Union Health Minister,Hon’ble CM of Goa ShriPramod Sawant, Hon’bleHealth Minister of Delhi ShriSatyendar Kumar Jain,Hon'ble Minister of PublicHealth and Family Welfare ofMadhya Pradesh Dr.Prabhuram Choudhary andHonorable CM of RajasthanShri Ashok Gehlot, RaghunathAnant Mashelkar former Director-General of CSIR, spiritual leadersGuru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and Guru

Swami Chidanand Saraswati.This year, awards went to

Spiritual Guru Shri Shri RaviShankar in the category ofExcellence in Spiritual Health, Dr.Andy Adam - Excellence inRadiology - Global category, Dr.Jeanne Conry - Excellence inGynecology - Global category, DrKumar M. Dhawale Excellence inHomeopathy, Dr. Vaidya Balendu

Prakash for Excellence inAyurveda, Mr. Brett Lee forExcellence in Socialcontribution – GlobalCategory, Dr. Chad P. Gehani- Excellence in Dentistry -Global category, Dr. AmritPattojoshi - Excellence in

Psychiatry, Mr. Steve Waugh -Excellence in NGO in Health

Care - Global category, and DrAnnamalai Kumarappan -Excellence in Physiotherapy.

Creating Worldwide Awareness On Gender EqualityA wonderful initiative by MedscapeIndia and Dr. Sunita Dube.

Dr. Sunita Dube

Shri Bhagat Singh Koshiyari

We

We

Easy and delicious ways to use walnut in yours meals.

Going All Nuts for

Walnut!Going All Nuts fo

r

Walnut!CHOWPATTYBHEL PURIINGREDIENTS4 cups puffed rice2 onions, finely chopped2 tomatoes, finely chopped2 green chilies, finely chopped4 tablespoons mint chutney4 tablespoons sweet tamarind

METHODFirstly pre-prepare every

ingredient as mentioned aboveplace in respective bowl as perquantities and sizes and set thetable. All you need to do is toss allingredients in a large bowl. Garnishgenerously with a sprinkling of sev,chopped walnuts and serve a papdipuri along side. Serve themimmediately.

chutney1 tablespoon chaat masalapowder1/4 cup chana dal1/4 cup roasted chanaSalt to taste1/2 cup walnuts, chopped roughly1/4 cup sev12-15 papdi puris

Chowpatty Bhel Puri

RASMALAIINGREDIENTSFor the chenna8 cups Full cream milk1/4 cup Lemon Juice1/4 cup WaterFor the walnut milk syrup2 and a half cups Walnut milk 3 tablespoons Milk Powder1/3 cup SugarA few drops of yellow food gradecolorGarnish1/8 teaspoon Saffron strands1/2 teaspoon Powder1 teaspoon Pistachio flakesHandful walnuts, choppedroughlyFor the sugar syrup3 cups water1 cup Sugar

METHODFor the chennaBoil milk in a heavy bottom

pan. When it boils, add in vinegarand water mixed together. Stirand turn the flame off. Strain thecurdled milk using a muslin cloth

and wash the milk solids underrunning tap water. Keep aside tillthey cool. With the help of yourpalm massage the washed curdsfor 15 minutes till it is shiny andsmooth. Divide into 12 balls. Rollthem and flatten them.

For the syrupHeat sugar and water together

till they start boiling, in a heavybottomed vessel. Drop in thechenna balls. Cover with a lid andallow it to roll boil for 15 minutes.Switch the flame off and allow thesyrup and chenna to come downto room temperature.

For the walnut milk syrupIn a heavy bottomed pan, add

walnut milk and bring it to a boil.Add in sugar, yellow color andmilk powder. Once the sugar isdissolved, switch the flame off.

AssemblyTake the poached balls, press

them and drain the syrup off.Transfer into the flavored walnutmilk. Garnish with saffron strands,pistachio flakes and crushedwalnuts. Serve chilled.

CARROTKOSAMBARIINGREDIENTS2 cups grated carrots3 tablespoons lemon juiceSalt to taste1 tablespoon sugar1 tablespoon peanut oil1 teaspoon mustard seeds1 teaspoon cumin seedsPinch of asafoetida1 green chili1 spring curry leaves1 teaspoon fresh shreddedcoconut1/2 cup of walnuts, roasted andchopped

METHODWash, peel and shred carrots.

In a medium bowl, add carrots,lemon juice, salt, sugar and mixwell. Heat oil in a small pan, addmustard seeds, cumin seedsasafoetida, green chilies, curryleaves and walnuts. Add into thedressed carrots and top withshredded coconut.

Rasmalai

Carrot Kosambari

KANDA BHAJIINGREDIENTS1 cup onions, thinly sliced1/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughly1 tablespoon crushed corianderseeds1 teaspoon green chilly chopped1/2 cup gram flour1 teaspoon saltOil for frying

METHODSlice the onions thinly and

place in a mixing bowl. Massagethe salt into the onions and allowthem to rest aside. Add gram flourto the sweating onions. Addwalnuts, coriander seeds crushedand green chilies. Massage all ofthis together till the gram flourmoistens and coats every onionslice. Heat oil for deep frying inpan. Make little clumps and fry onmedium flame, fry till they turncrisp and golden brown. Removethe bhaji on absorbent kitchennapkins. Serve hot and crisp withfried green chilies.


OLD BOMBAYNANKHATAIINGREDIENTS1/2 cup ghee 1/2 cup powdered sugar 3/4 cup Refined flour 1/4 cup Walnut powder Pinch of salt 1 tablespoon semolina 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon Cardamom powder Glazing2 tablespoons milk 1 tablespoon Powdered sugar

METHODIn a mixing bowl take ghee and

powdered sugar, whip smooth for10 minutes till it is soft, white,fluffy and creamy. Add refinedflour, walnut powder, salt,semolina and baking soda,cardamom powder. Mix well andknead the dough combining withyour hand. Do not over knead.Roll into a baking sheet till thedough is 1 cm thick. Transfer ontoa baking tray. Cut into long

rectangles. Mix milk and sugar in abowl and apply on top of the cuttriangles using a brush. Bake at180°C for 10 minutes. Remove thetray and allow the cake to coolcompletely. Store in airtightcontainer.

Old Bombay Nankhatai

Kanda Bhaji

MANIPURITHUKPAINGREDIENTS1 cup noodles, cooked1 teaspoon schezwan sauce1 cup beans, sliced thinly1 cup carrots, juliennes4 cups chicken stock1 teaspoon cracked pepperSalt as required8 chicken momos1/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughly

METHODHeat a woke and add the

chicken stock. Allow it to simmeradding salt and pepper. Addmomos, noodles, vegetables,schezwan sauce and allow it tosimmer for 3 minutes. Stir inCalifornia walnuts and serve hot.


BIHARI LITTICHOKHAINGREDIENTSFor Litti2 cups whole wheat flour1/2 teaspoon salt2 tablespoons ghee4 tablespoons ghee for dippingFor the filling1/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughly1 tablespoon mustard oil1 teaspoon pickle masalaSalt as requiredFor baingan ka chokha1 purple brinjal large1/4 cup tomato, chopped1/4 cup onion, chopped2 green chilies, choppedSalt to taste2 tablespoons mustard oil1 tablespoon lemon juice3 tablespoons walnuts, choppedroughly

METHODRoast the brinjal over

direct flame until charred.Allow it to cool and removethe skin. Add all theremaining ingredients andmix well.

For LittiAdd whole wheat flour,

salt and ghee in a bowl andmix well. Add water andknead to make a medium softdough. Cover the dough andkeep aside for 30 minutes.Mix all ingredients of thefilling in a separate bowl andkeep aside.

Take lemon sized doughand stuff a teaspoon of thefilling and roll it back into aball. Bake for 30 minutesuntil browned well from allsides, turning mid-way. Dipthe liti in ghee and serve withchokha.

Bihari Litti ChokhaManipuri Thukpa

CHILLED SOLKADHIINGREDIENTS5 pieces dried kokum petals1 cup walnut milkSalt to taste 1 clove garlic1 green chilly

METHODSoak dried kokum in 1/4 cup of

hot water for minutes. Run all theingredients in a blender jar withsome ice cubes. Strain and servechilled.

COIMBATORETOMATOBHAATINGREDIENTS3 cups basmati rice, cooked3 tablespoons oil1 teaspoon mustard seeds

1 teaspoon cumin seeds 1 spring curry leaves2-3 dried red chilies1/4 teaspoon asafoetida1/2 teaspoon pepper powder1 cup fresh tomato purée1 tablespoon Kashmiri red chili

powder1/2 teaspoon garam masalapowder1/2 cup walnuts, chopped roughly1/2 teaspoon turmeric powderSalt to require

METHODHeat oil in a kadhai. Add

mustard seeds and cumin seeds.Allow them to crackle. Add curryleaves, red chilies and asafoetida.Stir in walnuts and add the tomatopurée. Season with salt and add inall the powder spices. Once thetomato purée thickens andreduces to 1/3rd its original size,add the rice. On high flame stir frythe rice. Serve hot!

DAL MAKHANIINGREDIENTS3/4 cup whole black urad dal1/4 cup kidney beans1/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughly3 cups water for soaking3 cups water for pressure cookingSalt to taste

Chilled Sol Kadhi

Coimbatore Tomato Bhaat

1/2 cup fresh tomato purée1 tablespoon ginger-garlic paste1 tablespoon Kashmiri chilipowderSalt to taste1 cup water, or as required 2 tablespoons butter1 tablespoon cream1 generous pinch kasuri methi1/2 garam masala

METHODWash and soak urad dal, kidney

beans and walnuts in 3 cups waterovernight. Rinse in running waterand transfer all of it in a pressurecooker.

Add 3 cups of water and cookon low flame for 20 minutes. Turnthe flame on high and allow 4whistles. Allow the steam tosettle. Open the lid and mash it allup using 1 cup water.

The walnuts, rajma and dalneed to get creamy. Add tomatopurée, cream and cook for 15minutes on medium flame. In aseparate vessel, add butter,ginger garlic paste, Kashmiri chilipowder, gram masala, kasurimethi and into the cooked dal. Stir

well and cook further for another10 minutes. Serve hot!

DAL TADKAINGREDIENTSFor the Dal1 cup split pigeon peas1/4 cup walnuts, roughly chopped1/4 cup onions, chopped1/4 cup tomatoes, chopped

1 tablespoon green chilies,chopped1 teaspoon ginger-garlic paste1 teaspoon turmeric powder1/2 teaspoon red chili powder1 teaspoon salt to taste1/2 teaspoon garam masalaFor the tempering1 teaspoon cumin seeds1 teaspoon mustard seeds2 dried red chilies1 spring curry leaves1 tablespoon ghee

METHODWash the dal 3-4 times and

soak them in warm water for 10minutes. Drain the water and addthe washed dal to a pressurecooker. Add 3 cups water, salt,walnuts, onions, tomatoes, greenchilies, ginger paste, red chilipowder, garam masala andturmeric powder. Stir well. Cookon medium flame under 2whistles. Allow the steam tosettle, open the lid and roughlymash the mix leaving a bite. Inanother pan, heat ghee. Addmustard seeds. Allow them tosplutter. Add cumin seeds, curryleaves and red chilies. Splash intothe prepared dal. Serve with rice!

Dal Makhani

Dal Tadka

FISH BIRYANIINGREDIENTS4 slices king fish steak; on thebone.1/3 cup walnut powder1 tablespoon garam masala1 teaspoon red chili powder1/2 teaspoon turmeric powder3 teaspoons ghee3 cups rice, cooked till 3/4 done1/4 cup brown onion paste1/4 cup fresh tomato purée1 teaspoon garlic paste1 teaspoon red chili paste1 tablespoon saffron waterSalt as requiredGarnishHandful fresh pomegranate seedsHandful coriander leaves

METHODTake a deep bottomed pan and

ghee in it. Once it is heated, addgarlic paste, red chili paste andsauté on high flame. Stir in brownonion paste, walnut powder andtomato paste. Cook till oil releasesthe sides of the pan. Add in

powder spices and cook tillthe raw smell goes away.Add a cup of water andseason with salt. Place thefish steaks carefully alongwith the walnuts and layerwith rice. Splash in thesaffron, water and coverwith a lid. Cook on mediumflame for 15 minutes. Justbefore serving, add thepomegranate and corianderleaves. Serve hot.

KASHMIRIMODURPILAFINGREDIENTS1 cup basmati rice1 cup sugar6 tablespoons gheeA generous pinch saffron strands1/3 cup walnut halves1/3 cup candied fruitsSalt as required3 cups water

A few drops yellow food gradecolorDry spice mix3 bay leaves1/2 teaspoon cloves1 inch cinnamon stick1 tablespoon cardamom seeds1/4 teaspoon whole blackpeppercorns

METHODWash rice thoroughly with

water and soak for half an hour.Drain the water and set aside. In asmall saucepan, add 2 cups ofwater and bring it to boil. Add riceand cook for about 5 to 10minutes. Ensure that rice is onlycooked 3/4th. Drain water fromthe rice and set aside. Grind thedry spice mix and keep aside. Inanother pan, add ghee, sugar,remaining 1 cup water, dry spicemix, drops of color, saffronstrands, candied fruits andwalnuts. Bring to a boil till thesugar has dissolved completely.Add the pre-cooked rice. Stir well.Cover and cook on low flame for12 minutes. Serve hot.

Fish Biryani

Kashmiri Modur Pilaf

PANEER DUMBIRYANIINGREDIENTS2 cups basmati rice, parboiled1/2 walnut halves2 tablespoons oil1 cup paneer, cut into cubes1/2 cup fried onions1 tablespoon ginger- garlic paste1/2 cup curd1/2 cup walnut milk1/2 cup tomato, slicedSalt as requiredDry spice mix1/2 stick cinnamon1 tablespoon red chili powder1/2 gram saffron1 teaspoon turmeric powder1 teaspoon green cardamomseeds1/2 teaspoon cloves1 tablespoon coriander seeds1 teaspoon pepper corns1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds1/2 cumin seeds1/2 teaspoon fennel seedsGarnishDried rose petalsCoriander leaves

METHODGrind the dry spices

to a fine powder. Keepaside. In a pot, take curdand walnut milk. Whisktill lump-free. Add thespice mix, fried onions,tomatoes, ginger- garlicpaste, tomato slices andsalt. Mix well. Addpaneer cubes andwalnut halves. Add onecup water and place thepot on medium flame.Top with parboiled rice.Furthermore, top withdried rose petals andcoriander leaves. Coverwith a lid and cook onmedium- low flame for20 minutes. Fluff with a

fork and serve with kachumber orraita.

INSTANTPICKLEDWALNUTS

INGREDIENTS1 cup walnut halves1 sprig curry leaves3 tablespoons mustard oilPickling spice1 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons white vinegar1 tablespoon red chilly powder1 teaspoon red chilly flakes1/2 teaspoon coriander seedspowder1 teaspoon yellow mustardpowder1/2 teaspoon black pepper powder1/8 teaspoon fenugreek powder1/2 teaspoon fennel powder

METHODMix all the pickling spices in a

dry bowl and keep aside. In a pan,heat mustard oil till it begins tosmoke. While it is cooling down,stir in curry leaves when the oil isrelatively warmer. Cool it down toroom temperature.

In a clean and dry mixing bowl,take the walnut halves and stir inthe pickling spices. Pour cooled oiland stir well. Bottle it up andserve!

Paneer Dum Biryani

Instant Pickled Walnuts

AKHROTISABUDANAKHICHADIINGREDIENTS1 cup sago pearls/sabudana1 tablespoon ghee1 teaspoon cumin seeds1/4 cup potatoes, boiled, peeledand diced1/4 cup walnut powder1/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughly1 tablespoon green chili, chopped1 teaspoon salt1 tablespoon sugar

METHODRinse sabudana under running

water. Transfer the rinsedsabudana to a large bowl. Add 1/2cup cold water and keep itovernight to soak. When ready toprepare, fluff the sabudana withyour fingers. Add the potatoes,

1 teaspoon Kashmiri red chilipowder1 teaspoon garam masala1/4 teaspoon turmeric powder1/4 cup mint leaves1/4 cup dill leaves1/4 cup coriander leaves1/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughly4 tablespoons oilSalt as required

METHODHeat oil in a pressure pan. Add

onions and sauté till goldenbrown. Add ginger garlic pasteand all the powder spices. Addtomatoes, dill leaves and mintleaves.

Stir well. Stir in minced meatand walnuts. Pressure cook onlow flame for 20 minutes. Let thesteam settle. Serve hot.

Akhroti Sabudana Khichadi

roughly cut and powderedwalnuts and mix well. Also,add salt and sugar. Mixwell. Heat a pan on mediumflame. Add ghee and allowit to heat. Crackle in cuminseeds and green chilies andimmediately add in thesabudana mix. Stir well.Cover with a lid and let itcook in its own steam for 5minutes. Serve hot!

KEEMA PAVINGREDIENTS2 cups mince meat1 cup onion, finely chopped1/2 cup tomato, finelychopped1 teaspoon ginger garlicpaste

Akhroti Sabudana Khichadi

METHODGrind the paste till it is fine and

smooth. Keep aside. Heat ghee ina pressure pan, add onions andcook till they are translucent. Addmeat and sear on high flame. Stirin the whole chilies and continuesearing till the meat is well searedand onions are golden brown incolour. Add the curry paste and 2cups of hot water. Add salt asrequired along with walnuthalves. Cover with a lid and cookunder pressure for 20 minutes onlow flame. Check for donenessand seasoning. Serve hot.

KOLHAPURIPANDHARARASSAINGREDIENTS5 cups meat stock1 cup goat’s meat, on bone1 inch cinnamon stick5 green cardamoms6 cloves2 Bay leaves5 tablespoons oil

1 tablespoon ginger garlic paste1 teaspoon white pepper powderSalt as required1 cup walnut milkFor the paste1 tablespoon sesame seeds,soaked in water2 tablespoons poppy seeds,soaked in water1/2 cup onions, sliced, boiled andstrained3/4 cup walnuts, chopped roughlyand soaked in 1 cup water2 green chiliesGarnishChili oil4-5 walnut halvesCoriander sprigs

METHODGrind all ingredients, as

mentioned, in a fine and smoothpaste. Heat oil in a pressure pan,add cinnamon sticks, greencardamoms, bay leaves and cloves.Stir in ginger-garlic paste and themeat. Sear the meat on high flameand add a cup of water. Pressurecook on low flame for 20 minutes.In the same, add the ground paste,meat stock, salt and cook for 10minutes on medium flame. Addwhite pepper powder and walnutmilk. Stir well. Serve hot drizzledwith some chili oil, walnut halvesand coriander sprigs.

RAJASTHANILAAL MAASINGREDIENTS750g goat’s meat, on the bone10-12 dried whole mathania redchilies4 tablespoons ghee1/2 cup onions, finely sliced Handful of walnut halvesFor the paste1/2 cup yogurt1/4 cup walnut powder2 tablespoons Mathania red chilipaste2 teaspoons cumin powder2 teaspoons coriander seedspowder1/4 teaspoon turmeric powder2 tablespoons ginger-garlic paste1/2 teaspoon black cardamompowder1 teaspoon green cardamompowder1 inch stick cinnamon3-4 cloves1 bay leaf1/2 teaspoon garam masalapowder1/8 cup cold water

Rajasthani Laal Maas

Kolhapuri Pandhara Rassa

GOAN FISHCURRYINGREDIENTS1 whole king fish, small sized,cleaned, gutted and washedSalt as required1/2 teaspoon turmeric powderFor the Wet spice mix8 Kashmiri red chilies8 Byadgi red chilies1 tablespoon coriander seeds1/4 cup onions1/8 cup tomatoesFor the Curry1/8 cup coconut cream1/2 cup walnut milk1/2 cup water2-3 sour kokum petals1/8 cup onions, finely chopped

1 tablespoon oilSalt as required

METHODGive a few gashes and marinate

the fish in salt and turmeric. Keepaside for 10 minutes. Meanwhile,grind all the masalas together.Add a little bit of water to adjustthe consistency. Heat oil in a pan,sauté onions and add the groundwet spice mix. Add water, salt andkokum petals. Simmer on mediumflame for 5 minutes. Add themarinated fish to this curry. Topwith walnut milk. Cook for 5minutes on medium flame. Finally,swirl in coconut cream and turnthe flame off. Serve hot.


Goan Fish Curry

Recipes by: Chef Varun Inamdar

CAMPUSRUMPUSMISTAKEN IDENTITY

After a gap of one year, whenmy friend joined the collegeagain, I was her senior. I was inB.Com II and she in B.Com I.Being her senior, I helped her fillthe examination form for B.ComI. With that we had to attach theattendance form as well,showing a minimum of 75%attendance. It was to be signedby the lecturers.

As my friend didn’t know thelecturers, I helped her. I told herto go to the Economics teacherfirst. For identification I told her,“The man in white shirt who iswearing spectacles is yourEconomics teacher and his nameis Kapoor.” But unfortunately,she approached the wrongteacher, dressed almostidentically.

She stammered, “Sir, couldyou sign my attendance form?”

He asked her, “Which class areyou in?”

She replied, “B.Com I.”As he was the pre-degree

lecturer, he was astonished atthis.

He queried, “Which class doyou think I take?”

She replied, “Economics Sir.”The lecturer was amused. He

again questioned, “Aha! What’smy name?”

She replied, “Kapoor Sir.”Turning towards Mr. Kapoor,

he said, “She imagines me to beyou.”

Mr. Kapoor asked her whoexactly told her this. She replied,“The girl standing outside.” Theteacher asked her to call me. Sherushed out but we had alreadyrun away. Later, after a week, wesent another girl to get thesignature.

— Shobha R. Patil

A love affair with the ‘Scotland of India’How I discovered the myriad aspects of Madikeri during a short three-day tour. By Elsa Lycias Joel

The enthusiasm to reachMadikeri, the districtheadquarters of Coorg in

Karnataka never waned, though ourday began so early, hours before6am when we boarded the Shatabdifrom Chennai to Mysore and thethree hour drive from Mysore to ourdestination took a toll on us. ChoiMyunghee, my travel buddy withher wealth of travel knowledge, hadeverything to keep us going.

Executive class of ShatabdiExpress was pleasant and quietexcept for one passenger whoseonly motive seemed like he wantedto let everyone know his ‘other’number. Contrary to what weexpected, the otherwise quaintquiet hill station was noisy and

crowded due to the imminentDussehra procession. Unboundedmerrymaking was largely written onthe faces of all. Guided by Santhosh,who managed our accommodation,we reached Treebo Trend Oleander.After a warm shower, we couldn’twait to get out into the town.

Final touch-up on the DashaMantapas, towering mechatronicstatues in addition to colourfulshops, bargaining voices that roseabove blaring music, gleeful faces,aroma of foods and spices thatwafted everywhere and looks ofanticipation welcomed us. Run upto the most famous festival of thecountry was a sight to see.

Coming together of peoplenotwithstanding different faiths

they belonged to added on themuch needed flavour to thespectacular festival.

Few minutes of chatting withBuddhist lamas around Shree KoteMahaganapathi Temple gave us anidea behind the historicalsignificance of the festival and theextravaganza that go into making itone.

Understanding our curiosity, thelamas competed with the music and

Melam to tell us the story ofgrandeur that goes back to morethan 100 years when the people ofMadikeri suffered a grave disease.The then King sought a divineintervention by carrying out ‘Karagapuja’ to appease the four‘Shaktidevata’ and the spread of theepidemic was contained.

Ever since, celebrating thevictory of good over evil happens inthe best possible ways with movingMantapas of different templesshowcasing Puranas or mythological stories.

Dussehra at Madikeri is a lifetimeexperience for anybody from anypart of the world. The night grewdarker, the floats began to move,crowds trickled in, ready-to-rock DJsheld sway, Madikeri danced away toan enticing mix of Kannada andHindi rap, my legs grew tired and Ihalf-heartedly made my way to myplace of stay after a hearty dinner atCoorg Cuisine, the sought-afterrestaurant for akki (rice) roti andbamboo pork.

AMAZING COORGCUISINE

Coorg Cuisine replayed in mymind for the hospitality and theirkind of customers-daredevilfoodies. Yes, a big family of 12 atanother table, probably regularsordered just about everything in themenu card and were amiable to theextent of suggesting dishes as wellas giving dining tips to a few of us.Myunghee could hardly believe shewas part of an all-night rave in India,safe and sound too.

Early next morning, we woke upto music and cheer. Within minuteswe found ourselves among theboisterous crowd, also the lastrevellers dancing their way to bliss.Anywhere I turned, I saw agarlanded statue of decoratedGeneral Field Marshal K M Cariappa.Statues of this first IndianCommander-in-Chief of the Army inand around Madikeri, inside andoutside restaurants, speaksvolumes of the pride of natives, thereverence they have for him.

The reeling floats finally haltedwith the Sun shining brilliantly to


Wrapped around fingers.

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colour the town differently. InMadikeri, the prevailing sentiment isthat Dussehra is something to beenjoyed, not witnessed. Our driverFaizal regaled us with stories of pastDussehras till we reachedNisargadhama, a delta formed bythe river Cauveri in Kushalnagar.

The hanging bridge that led usinto the reserve did sway a bit andthe old damaged bridge close bymade me a bit nervous.

Natives and tourists relaxed insmall groups. Treetop cottagesoffered us the best ambience for acouple of selfies.

Just when I needed an adrenalinerush, I saw ziplining. Before I foundout if those screams I heard meantpanic or excitement, the guide hadalready pushed me down the line.While removing the zipline harness,I realised I was damn confident for asuperwoman zipline another day, inanother place.

Spotted deer and stags loiteringabout slowly with their curved threepronged antlers stood and stared,posed for all. Those animalspossessed a curiosity much morethan the tourists in that islet. Everyother treetop watch-tower offereda different view of the whole islet,not to mention the shaky wooden

ladders. I paused to click someendearing shots of lush greenbamboo grooves which made otherpeople curious, with a fewpassersby asking me, “Is there anelephant? Did you see anelephant?”. Looking into my phonescreen, they smiled and moved on.

SECOND LARGESTTIBETAN SETTLEMENT

Driving to our next stop,Baylkuppe, the second largestTibetan settlement in the worldoutside Tibet after Dharmashala,Faizal in his broken English andchaste Tamil kept us engaged withfacts about how the town came intoexistence. Through the side-viewmirror, I saw Choi Myungheeengrossed in her phone andgestured that he continued with hisstories in Tamil.

Even though I doubted the

authenticity of the information, Ipreferred to listen to him and enjoythe drive through sugarcane farms,coffee estates and paddy fields.Long rows of fluttering prayer flagsand beautifully strewn monasteriesbeckoned us. Smiles and Namastesfrom monks clad in orange andbrown conveyed that it wasdefinitely a place to be at. In spite ofthe tourists, the place was tranquiland quiet. It took much of my effortto learn the names of the threetowering gold plated statues ofthree saints set against intricatemurals.

A casual chat with Pawan akamonk Rigchog gave me a vivid ideaof what is required of a human tobecome a monk and to live as one.He enjoyed the question answersession but angry glances fromother tourists, who wanted tomeditate, made me forget the otherdozen questions I had in my mind.After the chance encounter withRigchog, I found my nerve tointeract with many more. Manyconversations began with aNamaste, continued throughuninhibited chuckles and debatesand ended with cool photographs.

All religions propose soundethical principles that helpfollowers to develop wholesomequalities such as love, generosity,detachment and compassion, said aBhikku.

He was quick to admit that thespiritual needs of humans are sodiverse to be encompassed by asingle teaching. Rhythmic chants,flickering butter lamps and moon


Vanakkam Nisargadhama

Namaste from Namdroling monastry

LONG ROWS OFFLUTTERING PRAYER FLAGS ANDBEAUTIFULLY STREWNMONASTERIESBECKONED US. SMILES AND NAMASTESFROM MONKS CLAD INORANGE AND BROWNCONVEYED THAT IT WASDEFINITELY A PLACE TOBE AT. PLACE WASTRANQUIL AND QUIET.

government of India and theappropriate financial managementthat ensures the smoothfunctioning and flourishing of theireducational institutions. Oh! thatbig bell in the courtyard. Bingo! Werushed towards it. Alas! It was

Tongue tied!

faced monks held my attention.Finally, I learnt to sit still and besilent. During that short stroll backto the car, my mind was floodedwith thoughts of the first settlers ofBaylkuppe in 1961, their anxiety asrefugees, their gratitude to the then

tongue tied. All bells in Baylkuppeshould ring for a reason.

At our next adventuredestination, on seeing quad bikes,my hunger pangs disappeared onseeing quad bikes. Ten minutes ofinstructions on the ‘hows’ and‘whys’ seemed like an era. On myquad bike, my fantasies gave way tofear as I failed many attempts tomanoeuvre the machine throughsteep slippery slopes and slushyswamps. Nobody was surprisedwhen my bike stopped. My travelbuddy quipped, “Nothing ends aperfect ride quicker than a brokenchain.”

Thankfully, the broken chaincame as a saving grace giving memy much needed relief and time togaze at the plantation around.

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Other riders went their way, myinstructor turned a photographerand I a poser on my incapacitatedbike. My instructor made sure I wason another bike in less than fifteenminutes. The 4 km trail did test myendurance, strength and courageand maybe my instructor’s patienceas well. When I got the hang of thesport it came to an end and myhunger pangs started.

An hour later after a sumptuouslunch at Annapurna Restaurant,Kushal Nagar, I woke up to hawkersand costermongers crying,‘Buttered corn!’,‘Oranges!’ and‘Spices!’ We were at Raja’s Seat, asunset point in Madikeri. I spared noefforts to wake up my travel buddyand we climbed out of the car to abeautiful mist laden place. Minuteslater I realised I had left my woollenjacket in the car. Chilled to thebone, I searched frantically for mycar in vain. To a Chennaite, anytemperature less than 35 degreeCelsius is ‘freezing cold’. Few cupsof hot tea saved me.

Suddenly, the clouds lifted uprevealing lush green valleys, rollinghills and winding roads. A chill windbrushed softly against my faceevery now and then but somewherebetween the sudden bursting of thesky into colours and the swirling,moving, dimming, brightening andfading, I stopped complaining abouthow cold I felt.

In my mind’s eye the moviedidn’t end till we reachedOmkareshwara Temple, built byKing Lingarajendra II in the 18thcentury to honour Lord Shiva.Striking up a conversation with thenatives relaxing by the water tank,was easier than reading the copper

plate on the entrance door frame.The temple, a token of a King’spenance for a murder reflects aunique blend of Gothic and Islamicarchitecture with a huge dome inthe centre and four minarets in fourcorners, which intrigue many. Carpsin the water tank going about theirdaily lives soothed my troubled souland I forgot when I stoppeddeliberating on, ‘A temple toappease a murdered soul!’

At our favorite dining place,Coorg Cuisine we met golfers whohad assembled there to play atournament at the Mercara DownsGolf Club. An avid golfer herself,Choi soon found her in the companyof a few friendly golfers and thekindest of all Shri Ranjan Soodextended an invite, which wegratefully accepted. There’s nothinglike a good breakfast to rechargeoneself if the day ahead is going tobe long and adventurous. Just aswe were about to wind up ourbreakfast with a hot tea, thedoorbell rang. Our trekking guide BB Chennappa, fondly called as‘Trekstar’, greeted us with an ‘Areyou ready’. But for Choi’s passion, Iwouldn’t opt for a 15 km trek.

THERE'S ALWAYS AFIRST TIMEOur bags packed with stuff thatwould sustain us for a week, weboarded a bus that dropped us atthe last stop, Galibeedu, which isalso the starting point of the trek.Along the 7 km drive, the busstopped a dozen times, once for teaat the only tea shop I saw in thatentire stretch another time, tocollect a letter from somebody; to


The Enchanting Downs

collect somebody’s lunch box froma home; once at the post office,then again for a chat with a personwho was familiar to all in the busexcept the two of us; at a temple onrequest from a passenger and at abeautiful place to let us take somegood photos. With magic of windand mist against our faces, webegan our trek. Trekstar turned aleech hater, botanist, zoologist,herpetologist and news reporterdepending on the questions I posedto distract myself from what I wasexactly attempting half-heartedlyfor the first time – A trek.

A dark secret followed myintroduction to Angel’s trumpets asflowers with medicinal properties.Fever, delirium, hallucinations,agitation, persistent memorydisturbances, flaccid paralysis,convulsions and even death mayresult if eating the flower turnsfrom best to worst. According tome, the flower should be renamedDevil’s trumpet at the earliest tosave lives. Forget smelling or eating,I dared not look at those.

‘This is the Common Nettle plantwhich the tribes use to treat painfulmuscles and joints, eczema,arthritis, gout, and anaemia,’ saidChennappa. My curiosity to take acloser look prompted him to yell outits other name ‘Stinging Nettle’ andI froze for a second.

‘Leaves of Agaves are used tomake tequila and we have plentyhere’, he said showing us wildlygrown blue-green succulent plants,which seemed to have only leaves.Eyes wide with excitement, myfriend hummed, ‘Cause you andtequila make me crazy, run likepoison in my blood’. Then aconversation ensued as to whichone is better, Kenny Chesney orJohn Anderson’s ‘Straight TequilaNight’.

Two people, a man with a sharphatchet and a woman, joined usspeaking in a mix of Tulu,Malayalam and Kannada. I was gladto be guided by a polyglot. Just incase, a situation arises.

The couple wanted to knowwhat Chennai looked like. After

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Beauty with Purity

knowing it was normal for nativesto carry something sharp for self-defence I further alerted my sensesto the small sounds around us.Trekstar proudly displayed the knifehe carried in his backpack.

Amidst our chitter-chatter,gurgling streams, burbling riversand non-stop cricket stridulations,I wondered “Am I going on a huntfor Blood Orchid, also with asmartphone that’s of no use”. Onreaching their abode, the coupleinvited us inside for a cup of tea.From her small garden of herbsand vegetables, she plucked aflower stalk and explained howuseful the plant as a whole was fororal hygiene. As if I’m specialisingin phytotherapy, our guideenlightened me, “That’s PricklyChaff Flower”. We bid adieuwithout exchanging phonenumbers because I didn’t wish torisk anybody’s lives to say a ‘Hello’.

For the next few hours, I didn’tthink of anything but listened toChoi and Trekstar as I negotiatedand enjoyed completelycontrasting landscapes andweather too. Drizzles cooled usand in no time the winds dried usup. Trekking turned out to berainbows and sunshine. Spotting atribal dwelling, Trekstar stoppedto explain the type of hut, thesmall solar panel on the roof whichcan light one bulb, their smallvegetable patch, cloth pieces thatkept wild pigs away from theirgardens and how they keepleopards and elephants at bay. Heexplained at great lengths tillsomebody stepped out of the hut

to exchange a few words with him. We spotted a few tree snakes,

wild squirrels, snails, big bugs andbeetles. Stories of tribes tradingtusks of dead elephants for oldclothes saddened me. How andwhy they look out for ‘Magicmushrooms’ is another sad story, afirst-hand account of which isbelievable.

Trekstar’s familiarity of names,places and smells along the trailsconvinced me that he could guideus, even blindfolded. Surroundedby mountains on all sides, it feltisolated, wild and – in a way –better than usual.

Did I hear him say, “That’sNishane Motte Peak”. Yes, I heardhim right. The Joy of runningtowards a summit, the exhilarationof reaching one and thebreathtaking picturesque vistacan’t be written or said but theyare to be felt and experienced.Chappathis, bananas and hotcoffee recharged us. Thespotlessly clean trail that led us tothe mesmerising peak beliedTrekstar’s statement that Nishane


The post office and tea shop en route Galibeedu. Atop Nishane Motte

Motte is a favourite spot oftrekkers from South Korea, Israeland Germany. So, we didn’t leaveanything behind including bananapeels, which I later threw awayonly on request.

LEAVE NO TRACE After an hour of feasting our

entire self on the beautiful viewsincluding the Rajagiri Village,Kerala at an altitude of 4,100 feetwe decided to trek back. Animalfootprints, sounds and droppingsdidn’t bother me. I became part ofthe wild with a ‘leave no trace’policy. Thin ridges became thinner,steeps gave way to easy walking,winding paths led us throughdifferent habitats and exposedcliff edges offered the bestpossible views. On and off, we hadto pause for the dramatic cloudsto pass by. Empty water bottlesdidn’t upset me. Thanks to watersources. For a thoroughlyinexperienced trekker like me,anything looked spellbinding,everything came across asunthinkable, clouds that limitedour visibility to zero seemedmarvellous, accidental slips andloud shrieks and getting stuck inmud made me feel intrepid. Overengaging conversations, we learntmore about the others’ family andfamily secrets.

Nishani Motte peak stole myheart. I will definitely climb manymore mountains and marvel atmany more views but Nishani Mottewill always be my first love. In everyway, it was the Coorg I was looking

THE JOY OF RUNNINGTOWARDS A SUMMIT,THE EXHILARATION OFREACHING ONE ANDTHE BREATHTAKINGPICTURESQUE VISTACAN’T BE WRITTEN ORSAID BUT THEY ARE TOBE FELT ANDEXPERIENCED.


for. That night, vivid, intermittentdreams of huge tree barriers, criesof flood victims and trumpetingelephants kept waking me up.

Next morning too, I lost mybattle against waking up with thechirping sparrows by my windowsill and a loud shrill whistling of anunknown bird. Hot spiced teaspiced up my day. With Choi stillasleep, I took a quick walk toMadikeri Fort to see what Raja’sSeat looked like from the fort. Ienvied the kings and queens.Locals strongly believed the forthad quite a few hidden passages.Gripping stories intrigued me.Stone turtle inside the palace withthe name of King Vijayarendraengraved on it could mean orconvey anything to inspire. Onecannot decide if it’s, ‘slow andsteady wins the race’ or ‘10,000years of happiness’ or ‘Heaven andearth united’ or ‘Everything weown is on our back’ becauseturtles are symbolic of MotherEarth. St. Mark’s Church is no morea Church but a museum housingweapons and historical artefacts, Iwas told. Early morning stir in thegovernment offices functioninginside the fort was so unusual thatI was informed that they are in theprocess of being shifted out of thefort to the new building of the ZillaPanchayat in the wake of the HighCourt direction. In the hands ofthe Archaeological Survey of Indiathe fort will be renovated andrestored to its historical glory.

Basavanhalli, a peek.

with palatial farmhouses andcottages. Poinsettias flourishedeverywhere, along the roads, ingardens and in the wild. For amoment, it felt like Christmas.Delightful fragrance of eucalyptsfilled the air till we reached thatlarge body of water. It took me afew minutes to conclude it was areservoir. A mix of broken andunbroken bottles angered me.Experts around the world are yet tofigure out whether Indians, in theirinebriated mood, break bottlesbefore throwing them away or theyget broken after being thrown away.Grazing cows, the still waters andsongbirds had a hold on me untilFaizal reminded us of the probablerush at Dubare elephant camp. Choiwas still taking photos when I putmy headphones on and closed my

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FLORA AND FAUNAThat morning, in typical fashion

Faizal bypassed the highway anddrove us through coffee plantations

eyes to soak myself in memories ofNishane Motte.

Very soon, I found myself on arubber raft listening to our guideGirish’s instructions with five othersincluding two school boys Nitin andNishanth aged 10 and 16. Theircomposure motivated me. ‘If I couldkayak along Mandovi, Goa andnavigate a pedal boat through thenarrow canals of Kerala backwaters,why can’t I raft the Cauvery’ playedthrough my mind. The 11 km stretchwith four rapids and few whirlpoolsseemed perfect for a challenge tonovice rafters. Girish sounded like acommander on ground with his boldand loud commands thatoverpowered our shrieks andscreams through the rapids.

EXOTIC EXPERIENCEThe dedicated guide that he

was, Girish took it on him to pushscared adamant ones like me intothe river to give me a ‘never againnever before’ experience forwhich I would be thankful to himfor the rest of my life. Floating onthe waters, gazing at the clearskies, listening to cries ofexcitement and the roaring rush ofwater thrilled me beyond words.Stories of different kinds of raftershad us in splits. At the end of it all,in the process of negotiatingrapids, whirlpools and stills of riverCauvery, seven of us felt like afamily. Sunburnt, drenched andwild with hunger, we rushed to thenearby restaurant and had our fill.

We halted at Basavanhalli, abeautiful pit stop with hundreds ofbeautifully lined look-alike houses.Greetings were acknowledgedwith warmth and reciprocatedwith an invite for a cup of tea atShri Saami’s house. ProjectManager at Nirmithi Kendra, ShriAsangi Kareppa was alreadyrelishing his cuppa. His narrationof the story behind the relocationof Jenu Kuruba, Beta Kuruba,Errava and Soliga tribes of theDiddalli reserve forests after threeyears of agitations under Saami,representations to concerned

officers, nude protests and theunfolding of political dramas heldour rapt attention and of fewothers who already knew thechronicle of events. Goodbyesweren’t hard to come for I wouldsee them again, to know thembetter.

Off we drove to Gaddige, alsoknown as Raja’s Tomb, a place forboth history and nature lovers.Indo-Sarcenic style monumentswhich are nothing but the tombsof King Veera Rajendra, his wifeand his brother Linga Rajendraadorn the place. Gaddige alsohouses tombs of Raja’s priestRudrappa and two brave armygenerals Biddanda Bopu andBiddanda Somaiah who foughtTipu Sultan.

Looking through the bronzebars set in sculpted stone at thegilded domes in the centre andminaret–like turrets, each toppedwith images of bulls at the fourcorners got me an exclusivepanorama of the uneven Madikeriskyline.

Ranjan’s phone call jolted meout of my imagination. We spedtowards Mercara Downs Golf Clubnot to play, blame it on the dresscode but to take delight in the lookand feel of it all. From afar, thegolf dunes, elevated greens andtrees welcomed me into a make-believe Scottish world. Walkingthe brutal up and down courseassured me of my strong knees. Noplain talk is the first rule of‘Golfish’– the language of thegolfers. Everything ought to beadorned and top-dressed. Woods

surrounding the course, fluffyclouds floating down to caress usand the tremendous sense ofcamaraderie Choi and Ranjandisplayed as golf lovers made methink Golf is worth the time, dresscode, money and effort foranybody who can afford it. Notbecause I was visiting a golf coursefor the first time but I knew Iwould never get comfortable withthe idea of someone being able tohit a ball into 18 different holeshundreds of yards away.Thoroughly baffled, I’ll neverrecover from it even if TigerWoods came to my rescue. To anynon-golfer, the most upliftingelements of the golf course wasthe endless greenery, thecleanliness, decorum of the club,poise and good deportment ofgolfers and, of course, the foodand drinks. Over a whirlwind ofhandshakes and au revoirs, Ithought, no matter what, somedayI would ‘Milk the grip’, swing a golfclub, hit a ball long and high andbe ‘On fire’. If Downs Golf Clubwas a wonderland, then I wasdefinitely Alice.

Three days of fun, frolic andadventure came to an end as weboarded the Shatabdi from Mysoreto Chennai. Three days and nightsweren’t enough to explore Madikerito my heart’s content. Travellingisn’t just about the places we visit.It’s more about the people wemeet, friendships we forge andfond memories that urge us toretrace journeys. Until next time,may summer berries and memoriesof Coorg sustain me.

By a stream that quenched my thirst.

We



While travelling in Kangravalley in HimanchalPradesh which is famous

for its many temples, a slight detourto Lunj takes you to Masrur, ahidden gem of Himachal.

Masrur is an amazing cluster of15 rock cut temples carved from thesurrounding sandstone hillside.They are richly ornamentedmonolithic structures on a smallhillock. Dating back to the 8thcentury, this is the only shrine inNorth India entirely carved from thenatural rock.

These temples have been carvedout of a single rock which is about161 feet long and 105 feet wide. Ithouses 15 temples out of which onlythe temple situated in the centre is

A hidden jewel in Himachal.By Anita Kothiala

MASRUR

Himanchal Pradesh

Masrur

carved from inside while the rest 7temples on either side of the mainstructure are incomplete and arejust carved from the outside. Therich stone carvings of these templesare exquisite.

It is of the Indo Aryan style withNagara style of architecture. Theentire complex is symmetrically laidout on a square grid, where themain temple is surrounded bysmaller temples in a mandalapattern.

The main sanctum of the templecomplex has a square plan, as doother shrines and the mandapa. Thetemple complex features reliefs ofmajor deities of Hindu mythology.

The legend goes that theseabundantly carved temples were

built by the mighty Pandavas duringthe period of their exile fromHastinapur. A dungeon adjacent tothe main temple with half-builtstaircase is believed to be thestairway built by them, to heaven.

Currently not an active religioussite, the main shrine in the centre iscalled “Thakurdwar”. It containsthree stone images of Ram, Laxmanand Sita. This temple belongs to theVaishnav sect.

The temple complex was badlydamaged in the earthquake of 1905,which left it in ruined condition.

Although now badly eroded andpartially ruined, there can be nodoubt that, in their prime, thesetemples would have beenabsolutely spectacular and would

have held their own, whencompared with the larger templesof Ellora in Maharashtra andMahabalipuram near Chennai.

There is a small artificial pond inthe foreground reflecting onethousand years of history. With veryfew visitors the place is blanketed inserene silence.


We

MASRUR IS ANAMAZING CLUSTER OF15 ROCK CUT TEMPLESCARVED FROM THESURROUNDINGSANDSTONE HILLSIDE.THEY ARE RICHLYORNAMENTEDMONOLITHICSTRUCTURES ON ASMALL HILLOCK.DATING BACK TO THE8TH CENTURY, THIS ISTHE ONLY SHRINE INNORTH INDIA ENTIRELYCARVED FROM THENATURAL ROCK.

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Mysore queens endorsing a health campaign.By Renuka Krishnaraja

What we see is aclassic portrait,the first ever of

its kind, featuring Mysorequeens endorsing a healthcampaign. It is an instanceof how the Mysore royalfamily, including thewomen, had a progressivevision. At a time whendiseases were interpretedto be the consequence ofthe wrath of gods andcould be cured just bymiracles or traditionalhealing, creatingawareness about thenewly-developed vaccinewas notably crucial. Therelevance of this painting isthus timeless. When it wasin public display in Madras,the court chroniclersdescribed its effect ashaving, “salutary influence” on thecitizens.

The portraitUntil recently, the women in the

canvas were unfamiliar and thoughtto be dancers or courtesans. Onlywhen it was noticed by Dr NigelChancellor (a historian atCambridge University) at anexhibition, its circumstantialimplication was appreciated. Hecould acknowledge that theextravagant jewelry and thecharacteristic headdresses were thehallmarks of royal Mysore women.

Dr. Chancellor has published hiswork in the research article – APicture of Health: ‘The Dilemma ofGender and Status in theIconography of Empire’ – in the year2001. The painting was done around

1805 as part of the vaccinepromotion campaign by an Irishpainter, Thomas Hickey, who hadprevious experience in representingthe Mysore royal family. The naturalexpressions of the women, theirattire and jewelry are spelt outexquisitely in the picture.

Pattamahishi Devajammani, theking’s senior-most queen, is seen onthe left. The young queen, MaharaniDevajammani, (also of the samename) is seen on the right. She isportrayed to be pulling up her saripallu and pointing towards herupper arm denoting her willingnessto receive the vaccine.

The context In the early 19th century, the

outbreak of smallpox had wreakedhavoc and aroused rampant fears

nationwide. Six years afterit was first discovered byEdward Jenner in England,the smallpox vaccine hadarrived in Colonial India in1802. The Britishgovernment had to ensuremass immunisation andcategorically safeguardtheir own expats too. Butinitially, the officials couldhardly accomplish theirmission.

There was significantreluctance and suspicionand more reasons than one– the concept of a vaccineitself was new, it was offoreign origin, the contentswere cow pox virus. Aboveall, vaccination back thenwas a much more complexand painful process than itis today. However, the

merits of the vaccine were quitedecisive. So, by some means,people had to be persuaded.

What followed then was aleading campaign involving Britishsurgeons, Indian vaccinators,company bosses and the royals. TheMysore royal family was indebted tothe British for having put them backon throne after an exile of overthree decades. The British aptlyappealed to the Wadiyars who wereidolised by the citizens for help.

On that occasion, Rani LakshmiAmmani (the adoptive grandmotherof the young King KrishnarajaWadiyar III), who had lost herhusband to smallpox, took personalinterest in the campaign. She couldreadily convince the new youngqueen – Devajammani – to beinoculated.

A Royal Portrait for Vaccine Promotion

We

THE PAINTING WAS DONE AROUND1805 AS PART OF THE VACCINE

PROMOTION CAMPAIGN BY AN IRISHPAINTER, THOMAS HICKEY, WHOHAD REPRESENTED THE MYSORE

ROYAL FAMILY.

ALTHOUGH I AM NOT A VERY FAT

girl, I feel very embarrassedwhen I partake in school

sports because I have a heavybosom. This, I feel, makes peoplestare at them, especially when I runor jump around. I am only 15 yearsold but, because of my figure, I look

much older. Please tell me whetherthere are any hormones or steroidswhich I can take to lessen the size ofmy bust. I cannot undertake plasticsurgery… my parents will be furiousif I suggest this. But if there is anymedicine I can take. I will consult adoctor secretly.

Much of our physique isdetermined by our inherited genes.If heavy busts are common amongthe women in your family, you willhave the tendency to have it too. Ifyou lose some weight, it could help.Do not mess around with drugs, forthese could have adverse side-effects.

You should wear sports bras —these are worn by female athletesthe world over for support andcomfort. These are easily availablein the market under good brandnames. Since these hold in the bustfirmly, you can play games withoutfeeling embarrassed.

THIS MIGHT SEEM LIKE A SILLY

question, but I would like toclarify a point. I am a 17-year-

old, first-year college student who isquite good in her studies. I lovereading comic books — from Archiesto Tintin and Asterix. But my fatherscolds me all the time, saying theseare not good for me; that they arechildish and will spoil my English.Frankly, I dislike reading novels andheavy stuff. Why can’t I enjoy comicswithout feeling guilty?

Reading and enjoying comics perse is not at all harmful. It is a goodway of unwinding and relaxing aftera day's hard work. I do not thinkthese will spoil your English either.But you should also keep abreast ofthe world news and activities byreading magazines and newspapers,even if you do not like reading

novels. Read good political andeconomic magazines and magazinesof women's interests like Woman'sEra. This habit will give you goodgeneral knowledge and informationabout world affairs.

Try reading the best sellers. In thebeginning, you may find it tough butsoon you will get hooked to thehabit. If you enjoy reading, you willnever feel bored and lonely.

IS THERE ANY RIGHT AGE FOR WEARING

make-up? I am 16 years old andam ready to start college. I want

to wear lipstick, eye-shadow and alittle rouge to classes, but mymother is furiously against it. Shesays that make-up will ruin my skin,and that I do not need it at thisyoung age. I agree that I have a verygood complexion. Please tell mewhether it will get spoilt with dailymake-up.

You are a little too young to wearmake-up — except for specialoccasions, like a party or get-together. You will notice, in college,most girls have fresh clean faces. Infact, make-up will leave you lookgarish and older than your age.Apply a light moisture or a sun-tanlotion. You could use lip gloss foryour lips or a very pale shade oflipstick. The aim should be to look asfresh and natural as possible.

Yes, constant use of heavy make-up can clog the skin pores and bringabout pimples and spots.

Go to a beautician and geteyebrows and upper lip threadedregularly. You can defuse or bleachfacial hair too, if necessary.Teenagers look great with thescrubbed clean look. Try it, and youwill love it.

This column is especially for teenagers.Adolescence can, we know, be a trying andconfusing time. There are so many questionswhich seem to evade solutions. A wrongdecision, or an indiscreet move, can spelldisaster and ruin a life. Share your problem,worry or doubt with us and WE will help youfind a way out — to a happier, healthier andmore successful adult life.

Send your problems to:WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, NewDelhi-110 055, Womansera.com

Q A&Teenache

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●


Makeup that complements yournatural beauty.

Firstly, apply eye basefor eye makeup.

Then, apply eyeshadow gently.

Now, blend pinkeyeshadow onthe crease line

properly.

It’s time forapplying theeyelashes withutmostperfection.

Use high-definitionfoundation all overthe base.

1Step

2Step

3Step

5Step

4Step

Touch!The Perfect Fine

Apply the blusher oncheeks with brush.

Now, usecontour around

the cheeks.

Then, highlight the points.

Finally, shape the lipswith lip colour.

And you are all set to bring out thebeauty in you!

5Step

7Step

9Step

8Step

Credit Line:Model: Chandrani BaidyaMake-up Artist: Sanjay Kumar

Maintain eye contact: Do youknow which the most favourite partis for women in a man’s body? Stop!You dirty mind. It’s his eyes.Research says that it takes merely 3seconds of intense gaze to fall inlove. When a woman crosses youand your eyes meet, be the last tobreak eye contact. Prolonged eyecontact churns her hormones. Itdoes create magic. She silentlyscreams, “Don’t look at me likethat! “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” insideme.

Make her laugh: women are fondof men with good sense of humour.If she is assured of a big dose oflaughter, she’ll not think twicewhen you call her out.

Keep at least Rs 10k in yourwallet: Though India is now a lesscash economy, paying for parking isstill done in hard cash. Besideshaving hefty balance in bank andmobile wallet, ensure you carry atleast 10k in your physical wallet. Thiswill help avoid the embarrassmentof asking her for negligible Rs 10-20for tea or parking.

Look good, smell good: Guyshave tunnel vision whereas girlshave wider peripheral vision. Theyobserve a man from top to toe injust two-three fixations. To create afavourable impression at all times,make sure you look natty every timeyou step out of your home.

WomenWomenTips To WooTips To Woo

Here are a few practical tipsto make yourself irresistibleto women

By Jitendra Gaglani

We

● Innerwear: Lux Cozi, VIPFrenchie, or Max (vest) andJockey (briefs)

● Shirt, T-shirt or Trousers: IndianTerrain (so light that you have toremind yourself to take it off)

● Sandals : Sparx● Formal Shoes: Lee Cooper, Hush

Puppies● Gym shoes: Puma, Nike, Adidas,

Asics● Socks: Jockey● Watch: Fastrack, Fossil or Rado

Being brand conscious carriesmultiple benefits – the productscatch instant attention of theopposite sex and are at the sametime durable.

Choice of perfume determineshow long women stick around you.Once while shopping at thesupermarket, one go-getter girlfound my perfume smell soirresistible that she boldlycomplimented on my choice andnoted down the brand & variant inher Apple iPhone.

Here are some of thecomfortable brands youcan opt for (category-wise)

Given below is a list of tried& tested perfumes thatappeal to women

● Skin Rash / dandruff: ConsultDermatologist immediately

● Bad breath – The cause of badbreath is less-known tonsilstones. They form in the throatand behind your mouth a fewhours after consuming spicyfood.

● Solution: reduce your intake ofgreen and red chilies

Chew clove or cardamom afterevery meal. Alternatively, keepsweet supari such as Pass Passhandy. In Brown Tree shop you canfind myriad choices of naturalmouth fresheners like Banarsi Paan,Rose Paan and suchlike.● Smelly sweat – Apply lavish

amount of perfume or carry adeo in your bag

● Underarm hairs – Use GilletteBody razor to remove chest,underarms or pubic hairs.

● Clothes with creases – Press yourclothes including Tees that youwear to gymBy following the foregoing tips,

you are sure to attract a mate andkeep her within your arm’s reach.After you find & bed one, spruce upyour relationship by tryingsomething new and exciting everyday, thereby keeping ennui at bay.

Happy searching.

● Bvlgari Omnia Coral(red bottle) – Rs 3241

● Titan Skinn Raw – Rs1740

● Issey Miyake – Rs 6600● Bvlgari Aqva Divina Body

Mist – Rs 2500Maintain proper personal

hygiene : Women, when they enteryour intimate zone, take note of littlethings – as little as overgrown nosehair, dirt in ears, unevenmustache/sideburns, skin rash anddandruff. Nothing puts a woman offmore than bad breath, smelly sweat,dense canopy of underarm/pubichairs, and clothes with creases.Plucking your nose in front of her is asure shot method to lose her.

● Overgrown nose hair : usescissors to trim

● Dirt in your ears – use cotton witha pinch of moisturiser to cleanyour ears

● Uneven mustache/sideburns: usePanasonic ER-GB37-K44Bwaterproof trimmer

Solutions to each of theabove sore points

attempts at furtherconversation Michellebroke into a sob and wenthome alone.

Feeling relieved, Fluffsnuggled closer to Joshua.Joshua picked the dog upon his lap, allowing Fluff todapple him with warmlicks.

Joshua’s childhood hadbeen quite a complex one.His earliest memories wereof a cosy two-storied housein the outskirts of the town.Joshua used to spend themornings in their smallgarden using branches tohunt creatures he imaginedto be hiding from him.Hours flew by till thedelicious aroma of roastedspices and sautéed herbsannounced lunch hour tohim.

Joshua rememberedclearly how good it feltwhen his mother Janecame out to scoop up hislittle body into her lovingarms. After a hearty lunchJane and Joshua would sittogether playing boardgames till the cheerfulvoice of Mr Warnerannounced his entry inearly evening.

Mr Warner was a largeman with messy hair and abushy beard. Jane andJoshua often went to thetown market with him andMr Warner used to parkJoshua on his broadshoulders during the longwalks. Joshua simplyadored Mr Warner.

In contrast Joshua’sfather Michael was ahandsome man with a neatappearance. But his

It’s what warms a house. By Tanima Das

A Secure HomeShortStory

Joshua looked hard atMichelle’s face. Herlayered hair was

touching her face at theright places and heralmond eyes looked clearand deep. The perfectcurve of her lips wasaccentuated by a slighttremor as she waited forJoshua to speak.

Joshua simply put anarm around his dog that

was seated beside him onthe wooden park bench.“Fluff is family to me. Ican’t be with you if youwant him out,” Joshua saideach word slowly withdistinct articulation.

“That’s not what I said,”Michelle put her hand onJoshua’s shoulder andinched closer.

Joshua glared back andshoved away her hand.

“You are most likely towalk out on me after a fewyears…Fluff would be withme all his life. The weddingis off,” Joshua fired away ina raised voice. Then hebroke off eye contact withMichelle and stared hard atthe blank patch of soil inthe middle of the parkwhich had been freshlycuretted for new saplings.

After a few futile

Feeling relieved, Fluff snuggled

closer to Joshua. Joshua picked the dog up on his lap, allowing

Fluff to dapple him with warm licks.

grumpy mood and longbusiness tours chippedaway on his popularity withhis son.

So when it was time forMichael to come home fora week, neither Jane norJoshua was happy. Joshuawent to bed wondering ifhe could somehow tradehis father for Mr Warner.

The next morningJoshua woke up to thesound of breaking glass.

He sat up quickly andrubbed his eyes. Soon,there was another crashand a loud voice from thedirection of the livingroom. Joshua straightenedhis duck printed night suitand got into his slippers. Ashe hurried ahead therewere more sounds of thingsbeing thrown around.

On reaching the scenehe was shocked. Jane wassitting on the sofa,supporting her head withone hand and brushingaway the continuous flowof tears with another.

Michael looked livid,standing tall beside thecoffee table breaking oneitem after the other andshouting profanities at MrWarner who, by the way,was not present there.

Joshua would have fledhad a dish not comecrashing near him. Itbecame too much tocontain into his little heartand he began to scream.

Michael stopped andbecame stone still at thesight of his son. Jane ran toJoshua and picked him up.

Mother and son huggedeach other tightly, unitedagainst the furious monsteras they walked away.Michael saw thediminishing silhouettes ofhis wife and child throughthe hallway and the insideof his chest started to ache


very hard. A few days afterthe incident, Jane tookJoshua to an ice creamparlour and told him afterfour scoops of ice creamthat he would be getting MrWarner as his daddy soon.

Joshua jumped up inexcitement and clapped hishands. The bribery of icecreams usually was preludeto bad news; that dayturned out to be awonderful exception.

Michael came to seeJoshua after the divorcewas finalised.

Joshua wanted to runout of his room but hisfather was in the doorway.

“Would you be able tolive in this house with justme? Say, I stop going ontours and your mothermoves out…would you liketo be here with your fatherinstead?” Michael wasbegging but it seemed toJoshua like a curse fromone of his night-time folktales. He said nothing butMichael had gotten theanswer from his son’sfrozen expression.

Within days, Michaelmoved out. He was underno obligation to pay Janealimony after beingcheated on but he did notwish to uproot his childfrom his knownenvironment.

Joshua was overjoyedwhen finally Mr Warner

came one evening alongwith his bags. Michael toovisited soon hoping toresolve the custody issueamicably. Both Jane andJoshua were appalled atthe suggestion of sharedcustody.

It was Mr Warner whostepped in and convincedJoshua to spend theweekends with his realfather.

“But I love you more!”Joshua’s little eyes lookedworried as he bent his neckbackward to meet MrWarner’s gaze.

“I know, son…I’d be veryproud if you do this forme,” Mr Warner said in hiskindest voice as he cuppedJoshua’s little face in hishuge rough hands.

Joshua nodded his headand hugged Mr Warner athis waist.

Joshua’s loyalty to MrWarner made him rude toMichael in the two daysthey had to spend togethereach week. But somehow

he found out that he wasoften left with his father formore than two days. MrWarner’s affection forJoshua was waning steadilyand although Joshuarefused to take any seriousnote of the shift, he knewdeep down somethinghorrible was about tohappen.

It happened in the formof a vacation to PuntaCana. Joshua listened inhorror from his bedroom asMr Warner quarreled withhis mother.

“Pack off the nuisance

to his father’s or I amcancelling the trip,” hebarked. Joshua wasfrightened but he knew hismother would never agreeto dump him.

But the next day afterbreakfast, Jane droppedJoshua at Michael’s placefor two weeks.

“Mommy loves youdear...I’ll be back soon,”she whispered intoJoshua’s ears beforeleaving.

Michael tried to be withhis son as much as possiblebut he still had to be awayfor work for a large part ofthe day. It was in those idlehours of unplannedboredom that Joshua hadmet Fluff’s mother Husky.Back then Husky was astray puppy orphaned by aroad accident.

Taking care of Huskygave Joshua a sense ofpurpose. Little Husky grewdeeply attached to Joshuain those two weeks. Whenit was time for Joshua toleave, Husky started totravel back and forth acrossthe neighbourhoods just tobe able to sleep at Joshua’sdoorstep.

Joshua’s rift with Jane andMr Warner started to

widen further when Janegot pregnant for thesecond time. Jane had heldJoshua on her lap beforedisclosing the news.

“You are going to have ababy sister soon.”

“You’re replacing me!”Joshua had replied inabsolute shock. After thatday, Joshua started to findpeace in the quiet care andlove that Michael offeredhim. He had some freedomat Michael’s place and alsoHusky to keep himcompany. Joshua andHusky grew up together

Within daysMichael moved out.He was under noobl igat ion to payJane a l imony afterbe ing cheated onbut he d id not wishto uproot h is ch i ldf rom his knownenv i ronment.Joshua wasover joyed whenf ina l ly Mr Warnercame one eveningalong with h is bags.

and touched puberty atabout the same time andhe often took datinglessons from her.

After Joshua’s firstbreak-up he was cominghome crestfallen only towitness Husky making outwith her new boyfriend.Joshua instinctivelymerged himself with astubby bush.

He watched quietly asHusky went on to have

fun with two more dogsthat had visited from thenext street. Soon, Joshuatried out multi-dating tooand it turned out to bemuch more exciting.

Husky’s frequent trystsgot her pregnant ratherearly and Joshua becameworried about the perils ofstreet life affecting herhealth. That eveningJoshua went up to Michael.

“Can I let Husky stayindoors? With us?” Joshuaasked as he uncomfortablyshifted his weight from oneleg to another.

Michael looked up fromhis book at Joshua andgradually a lump formed atthis throat.

“Josh…you are all I have.If it makes you happy thenplease do invite your littlefriend inside,” Michael said.

“Thanks, dad!” Joshua’seyes sparkled as he wentout to get Husky.

But Husky and Joshua’sspree inside the houselasted only for 11 days.

Then one evening asJoshua was sitting crosslegged in front of thefireplace with Huskynapping beside him,Michael walked in withNorah.

Joshua identified herinstantly as the librarianfrom his old school. Shewas neither young nor

pretty but it was obviousthat she had managed tosomehow ensnare hisfather’s attention.

“Norah…this is my sonJoshua,” Michael said witha proud smile, using hisoutstretched left hand topoint at Joshua while hisright hand wrapped aroundNorah’s waist giving her agentle squeeze.

Joshua coiled in disgust.He said something in aninaudible voice and left theroom. Michael, unlikeJoshua, had looked beyondNorah’s plain appearanceand had fallen for the lure

of the secure company thather heart had to offer.Their relationshipflourished and soonMichael had another talkwith Joshua.

“Josh, I wanted you toknow that Norah and I aremoving in together,”Michael said to him.

Joshua had his legsstationed up on two sidesof his gaming console whileboth his hands were firingaway the leg movementsfor his players in a virtualfootball match.

Michael repeated

himself three times to get aresponse from Joshua.

“I heard you…what doyou want? My blessings?”Joshua paused and turnedsideways to face his father.

“That’d be great,”Michael laugheduncomfortably.

Joshua made a face andMichael stiffened a bit andcleared his throat.

“There’s one morething…Norah is allergic todogs. You have to takeHusky out again.”

Joshua said nothing…hiseyes gave away no reactionas well.

“Well I’m sure she won’tmind. I’ll continue tosponsor her food and othertreats…please Josh…forme…”

“It’s your house, dad…I’lltake Husky out,” Joshuasaid.

Michael tried his best tomake up for the incidentbut Joshua’s equation withhim had changed forever.

Joshua figured out thatfor unconditional love itwas only Husky that hecould turn to. His onlyproblem regarding Huskywas her ever expandingfamily. But he soonobserved that Husky likedto get rid of her puppies themoment they lost thecuteness of infancy, muchlike his mother Jane.

As the years rolled on,Husky started to get oldand feeble. Joshua wasnow a grown man in hiscollege years. Yet the daywhen Husky silently died inthe course of a night,Joshua cried for days like ababy. His only consolationwas that he now had Fluff,who was the last ofHusky’s puppies. SinceFluff was not strong likehis other siblings, he neverhad the confidence to be

on his own. Joshua busiedhimself with studies atcollege and it was incollege that he had metMichelle. He had resistedall feelings initially and hadtried to focus on the goodregular sex. But then theystarted to stay up thenights to talk. And whentwo hormonal people talk,post intimacy, in thevulnerable hours of thenight, it usually becomesimpossible to keep love atbay.

Joshua had proposed toMichelle within a week ofconverting his first job aftercollege. Michelleunderstood him like noother person. She had beenraised mostly by hergrandmother because hermuch-in-love parentsshuffled between big citieschasing their own dreams.It was ironical that two verydifferent sets of parentshad given Joshua andMichelle a very similarchildhood.

When their weddingwas fixed, for the

umpteenth time in lifeJoshua felt very close tohaving a loving home. ButMichelle declared to him ona certain balmy afternoonthat Fluff will have to liveoutdoors even after theymove in together. Her lategrandmother had left twocats under her care andMichelle did not want toimpose upon them theinclusion of Fluff. And forthe umpteenth time in lifeJoshua’s dreams got rudelyshattered.

As evening descendedat the park, Joshua stoodup. Not a single tear dropescaped his eyes, not asingle sigh heaved off hischest…life had preparedhim well to deal with


He watched qu ie t l yas Husky went onto have fun w i thtwo more dogs thathad v i s i ted f romthe next s t reet .Soon Joshua t r iedout mu l t i -dat ingtoo and i t tu rnedout to be muchmore exc i t ing .Husky ’ s f requentt rys t s got herpregnant ratherear l y .

disappointments. Hewalked home calmly withFluff in tow.

In the next few weeks,Joshua rented out a smallplace close to work and cutoff all ties with Michelle. Itwas going to be a freshstart for him and Fluff.Joshua distracted himselffrom his past by immersinghimself in work and itresulted in tremendousprofessional growth. Athome Fluff and he led aquiet and contented life.This arrangement went onfor just a year after whichFluff died an untimelydeath, affected by a rarebout of liver disease.

All of Joshua's familyhad turned up at Fluff’sfuneral. Michael stood withNorah on his right whileJane stood on his left alongwith a balding Mr Warnerand their daughter.

Joshua looked into theireyes and read a mixture ofpity and guilt. He saidpolite thanks you and leftquickly.

For a few weeks, Joshuafound it hard to do thesmallest things in life. Hewas still coping with theloss when, one day a youngman stopped him at theparking lot of his workplace.

“Hey…I’m Steve…havea minute?” The guy pushedinto Joshua’s hand abusiness card.

“Who are you?” Joshuawas annoyed.

“I run an animal rescueand adoption centre…I waswondering if you would liketo visit us some day…”Steve had a hesitant smileon his lips.

Joshua's forehead wasstill creased.

“Michelle sent me,”Steve explained in short.

“So she has been

stalking me all this while!”Joshua smirked and lookedaway.

“Actually, she’s with menow,” Steve clarified andstraightened his slouchimpulsively. Joshua’s smilevanished.

“I’ll get in touch withyou…thanks Steve,”Joshua gave anuncomfortable nod toSteve and got into his carfast. A lot of thoughts wererushing into his head alltogether and the first onein the line was to punchSteve hard in the face.

On a whim Joshua tooka sharp turn from his usualroute and started to drivetowards the smallapartment where Michelleused to live when theydated.

Was she still there? DidSteve too live with

her now? Did she love him?Joshua decided to yell

his heart out at Michellebut the moment she threwthe door open, his mindwent blank.

There she was wearing abaggy sweat shirt, her hairtied up in a messy bun andher countenance revealingpure joy at seeing him.Strangely, proximity withMichelle even after a year,evoked in Joshua a sense ofbeing home.

“Josh! Come in!”Michelle pulled him in

by his arms and made himsit down on her couch. Shesat on the coffee tablefacing him and waited forJoshua to speak.

“You have no right toleave me because of Fluffand then date anotherbloke with a zoo!”

Michelle was startled atthe sudden statement.

“Steve?”“And you? Then you

send him to rub the newson my face…”

Michelle leaned forwardand hugged Joshua tightlywhile he was still in midsentence.

“What’s that for?”Joshua felt his angst meltaway as the warmth ofMichelle’s bodypermeatedthrough hisclothes to gentlycaress his skin.

“Steve ismarried to myfriend fromwork. Heprobably said

that to get you worked up.You broke up with me…Inever did.”

Michelle pulled herselfback and held up her lefthand. Sitting on her ringfinger was the gleamingring made of an affordablealloy which Joshua hadonce presented to her.

She got up from thetable and went to thekitchen counter to fix twodrinks.

“I tried to get in touchmany times…you wereadamant.”

She picked up theglasses and swerved

around only to bump intothe arms of Joshua whohad silently walked up toher.

“Ouch…now we havescotch over ourselves…”Michelle said as the glassesclinked splashing outamber liquid.

“We know how to cleanthat off baby…” Joshuatenderly pulled

Michelle closer andthey merged into along comfortingKiss. And in the

hours of passionthat followed theyboth realised thatthey had never reallyfallen out of love.

They did not notice whenthe night had flown by butas Michelle looked out ofher window, the night skyseemed to be turning ashade paler. She was halfseated on her side of thebed caressing Joshua’smuscular arm which nowrested on her lap. “I stilltake care of grandma’scats…and they still hatedogs…”

“Well...I’m actually gladyou never gave up onthem,” Joshua pulledMichelle’s cheek lightly andsmiled.

“But what next...for us?What're you thinking?”Michelle’s voice quiveredas she tried to gaugeJoshua's thoughts.

“I’m thinking that weshould sleep now...I’m verysleepy...”

Michelle started to feela tad worried. Then sheheard Joshua mumble thefollowing words beforedawdling off to sleep.

“Tomorrow will be along day...we’ll start byapplying for a freshmarriage licence...and thenwe've to look for our newhome.”


He sa idpo l i te thank you ’ sand le f t qu ick l y .For a few weeksJoshua found i thard to do thesmal les t th ings inl i f e . He was s t i l lcop ing w i th the losswhen one day ayoung man s toppedh im at the park inglo t o f h i s workp lace .

We

Adorn Me! Sharp and edgy,

that is how it keepsyour style quotientremarkable.Your Jewellery Guide.

This timeless jewelwill elevate your dayto night style.

Redefined earthy graceand art with this

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Keep aside thosetraditional jewels and

look exquisite in thisBoho jewel!

Vintage classicrings can never go

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Jewels are here to adorn your ethnic outfitsthis summer season.

Make this festiveseason a little morespecial with thisnecklace andearrings set.

This will bring thebest of contemporaryaesthetics whilebeing made in thetraditional designs.

As we believethat simplicity isthe best way tostand out. Thisjewellry willspeak volumes ofAestheticness.

This beautiful setof bangles likebracelet will rockin every occasion.

of half a lifetime is difficult to erase,but it can be done provided both youand your wife are really keen to makea new start. If your wife is slowlyrealising that her family was notalways right, it is good. But do notforce her to accept it openly to you.

There is too much anger betweenyou both and any attempt to forcesuch statements from her will onlylead to the raking up of old issues andmore anger and bitterness. So justsuggest to her that you both try to liveout the rest of your lives in amiabilityand harmony. Suggest that you bothshould never talk about theunpleasant things that happened inthe past and stick to this decision.Since you both seem to have sparedyour children all this unpleasantness,spend more time with them. Also,take up new hobbies and activitiesthat you can share and undertaketogether. Once you make a start,things will start moving smoothly.

Both of you seem to have beenvery unhappy for many years now andso both of you should grab the chanceto improve the quality of your life.

ILIVE WITH MY HUSBAND AND TWO

children in a joint family with myin-laws, my husband’s elder

brother and his family. My brother-in-law has a much better job than myhusband does and my sister-in-lawtoo works. Since they earn more, theycontribute much more than myhusband does towards familyexpenses. They also have moremoney to provide treats for thefamily.

On the other hand, I stay at homeand run the house with the help of amaid and look after the four childrenof the family. My brother-in-law’s twochildren go to school and I pack theirlunches and supervise them whilethey do their homework after theycome home. But understandably, myin-laws and even the maid think moreof my brother-in-law and sister-in-lawthan they think of my husband andmyself. This does not affect me muchbecause I am too busy to sit and mopeand besides, I was the work horseeven at home before I got married.

But my husband feels very bad for

●

Q A&Personal Problems

IAM A MAN AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR

35 years. I am really ashamed towrite this letter. You will certainly

think that at my age, I should be ableto manage my life well! Butunfortunately, I am not able to!

The first few years of my marriagewere all right, except for the fact thatmy in-laws wanted me to leave allfamilial decisions to my wife and justobey her. When I did not do that, theybecame angry. My marriage began tobecome unhappy since then. My wifehas an elder sister, whom sheconsiders a goddess. This sister wasagainst me and so my wife too turnedagainst me over the years. For years,we lived in the same house like twostrangers. Luckily, my children werenot affected much and they are nowwell settled in life. I do not have anyfinancial problems either. I used to getso fed up with the interference of myin-laws in my life that I wrote themmany letters, asking them to leave usalone. I have enclosed two of theseletters. Now, my wife’s family is notgiving her so much support and she iscoming to her senses. But her ego willnot let her accept that she made anymistake. I only want to lead a calmand peaceful retired life now. Whatshould I do?

The two letters you have enclosedare very angry ones, but you have notexplained what it was that turnedyour in-laws so much against you.Why is there so much anger on bothsides? Is it just the fact that you werenot an obedient and amenablehusband? That seems rather strange.Surely, if you were otherwise a happycouple, your in-laws would havestopped interfering? But, obviously,no really mutual understandingdeveloped between your wife andyou, and this is why she was so readyto listen to her family.The bitterness

Have you a personal problem of anynature, which you hesitate to discuss withyour family or friends? Share it with us. WE will try to help you.

Address your letters to:WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.

both of us. He is also afraid that ourtwo children will begin to understandmatters as they grow up and willdevelop inferiority complexes. Now,he has begun saying that we shouldleave the house and live separately.He also says that once our childrengrow up a little, I should begin towork. Since I am actually morequalified than my sister-in-law. But Ido not want to either break up thefamily or cause my in-law’s pain.Should I coax my husband to stay onwith his parents?

You seem to me a very large-hearted, unselfish woman. That iswonderful, but you should also thinkof the complex your husband isdeveloping. And don’t forget that asyour children grow up, they too coulddevelop one. So, go with yourhusband’s decision in this matter. It isalso very likely that both your in-lawsand your brother-in-law and his wifehave not realised how their behaviouris affecting your husband. If this is thecase, they will change their wayswhen they realise how they arehurting your husband. They couldthen prevent you from leaving.

IHAVE TWO SONS, BOTH OF WHOM I LOVE

dearly. Both are good boys whohave never given me any trouble.

But both are very different and havenever been very close. This has alwayscaused me pain, but I have alwaysconsoled myself with the thought thattheir lack of closeness is only becausethey are so different and not at allbecause they dislike each other.

Both the boys are intelligent, butmy younger son is more practical,street smart and ambitious. Now, theelder is 28 and the younger is 25 and itis already clear that the younger boy isgoing to have a much better careerthan his brother. My husband died afew years and I am due to retire in lessthan a year. My boys both live andwork in other cities. My health is nottoo good and both of them havealready begun to tell me to come andlive with them after I retire. Both arepersistent and I can see that it hasalmost become a kind of competitionbetween them. My younger soninsists that I will be more comfortable

with him and I know that he is right.He already has a car and has full- timehelp since he is better off. So, he willnot only be able to pay for mytreatment more easily, but I will alsobe more comfortable in his home.

On the other hand, my elder sonwill be devastated if I don’t go and livewith him. In fact, it will be the laststraw. He will develop an inferioritycomplex and his relationship with hisbrother will be affected very badly.What should I do?

You should not even think of goingand living with your younger son asthat would really mess up therelationship between the two boys.You should either divide your timebetween them or you should live withyour elder son, giving the reason thatyou are doing so because he is theelder one and that it is both his dutyand prerogative to look after you.

MY FATHER, A SUCCESSFUL

businessman, died a fewmonths ago. He died

suddenly at the relatively young ageof sixty-two, without leaving a will. Hehad also never indicated, even to mymother, how he planned to divide uphis property between his son and twodaughters. Though my brother wasthe eldest of the three of us, myfather had never ever shown himpartiality or given him additionalimportance. The only difference in theway he treated him and my eldersister and myself was that he askedthe two of us if we were interested inworking in his company, while he tookit for granted that my brother would.Anyway, both my sister and I said thatwe were interested in his business andbegan to go with him to his factoryand office. We continued to go andwork there even after we were bothmarried. All three of us were paid thesame starting salary for working thereand given increments according tothe profits made by the company. Allof us worked hard, determined to seethat the company did well. But aftermy father’s death, we do not knowwhat he would have ultimately done.My sister thinks that he would havedivided the property equally betweenthe three of us. My brother reminds

us that my father had always said thatonce they have children, womenshouldn’t work – and both my sisterand I are now pregnant. My motherinitially kept silent, but finally openedher mouth and said that she thinksthat my sister and myself should takea quarter share each of the propertyand then leave the rest as well asrunning the property to my brother.But my sister and I are not giving heropinion a second thought because wehave always known that she preferredher son to us. What should we do?

The only hint you three siblingshave of your father’s mind is thatwhile he took it for granted that hisson would work with him while hegave his daughters an option, but thatonce his daughters said that theywanted to work with him, he treatedthem on par with his son. He seemsto indicate that he was impartial to hisson and daughters and that means hewould have wanted both his son andhis daughters to inherit his estateequally. So, the three of you shouldshare your father’s estate equally.

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Losing childhood in the colouring of Hookah bars. By Dr Prempal Sing Valyan

Teenagers like Mukul Singh andRachna Agarwal once in aweek visit one of the Hookah

(Bong) Bars which are opened inthe city like coffee homes. Theseyouth don’t go there to merelyenjoy coffee, take school notes orflaunt their dresses but also toenjoy flavoured Hookah.

If you enter special room of suchbar, you will find it filled with smokewith sweet fragrance of variousflavours from chocolate to grapes.On every table you will find theseteenagers puffing out red andpurple colour smoke. You may feelakward but they look light andhappy.

However, none of thoseteenagers is aware of the fact thatone Hookah session of one hour isequal to smoking 100 cigarettes.

Teenage Intoxication

Most of the Hookah Bars claim thatbong is not served to teenagers, buteverything goes on secretly inthere.History of Hookah

As we know that all things havetheir own history. Similarty, Hookahhas its own history, which is almostone thousand years old. In thebeginning, coconut shell was usedas Hookah. They are of differenttypes, but all are of round base. Thisbase is made up of metal, glass orceramic whose mouth is joined withone big and one small pipe.

Small pipe is straight butdesigner Chillum (fire pot) is placedon its upper side but lower side issinked into water. The big pipe ishard or flexible. Its base is half-filledwith water and its other end is keptabove water level.

Hookah Smoking : A piece of20gm tobacco mixed with honey,*gur (jaggery) or fruit is put in theChillum placed on top of the smallpipe. And burning wood, dungcake or coal is placed above it.When tobacco starts burning itproduces large quantity of smoke,which is pulled through mouth viabig pipe of base. It passes throughthe water filled in base andbecomes cold and light.

So, most of the youring starsbelieve that Hookah smoke is lessdangerous than cigarette smokebecause it is filtered by water andhas very little solid particles. Theyare deceived by sweet fragranceand fruit quality. That’s why theythink that it is less harmful thancigarette.

It is also a known myth thatHookah has no tobacco. But it is nottrue. Dr. Prakash Gupta, director ofa public health organisation, Hallis,says that water reduces someintoxicants but tarcoal present insmoke does not reduce and cancause diseases like cancer.

History of Hookah Bar: 500 yearsago, Hookah came in trend inTurkey. Well; cigarette was alreadyin trend by that time. Hookahemerged as a timepass for the


THEY ARE DECEIVED BYSWEET FRAGRANCEAND FRUIT QUALITY. ITIS A ALSO A KNOWNMYTH THAT HOOKAHHAS NO TOBACCO. BUTIT’S NOT TRUE. DR.PRAKASH GUPTA,DIRECTOR OF A PUBLICHEALTH ORGANIZATIONHALLIS SAYS THATWATER REDUCES SOMEINTOXICANTS BUTTARCOAL PRESENT INSMOKE DOES NOTREDUCE AND FORMSDISEASE LIKE CANCER.

women folk, who enjoyed itprivately in groups at home. Most ofthe people wanted to enjoy Hookahin group. There were break roomsto keep Hookah earlier. Slowly,these break rooms turned intoHookah Bars, where people startedenjoying traditional Hookah ingroups.

After Turkey, Hookah arrived inLebanon, Syria, Egypt, Marocco,Saudi Arab and Europe also. In 1960,Hookah bars were banned inAmerica. But after some years, thesewere again having license. In 1980,these were started in India. Now,these are available even in small andsatellite cities like Gurgaon,Ghaziabad and Meerut etc.

What do Hookah lovers say :Ruchika Gupta, 21, says, “All myfriends are fond of Hookah, I havetried Hookah ago some monthswhich I liked so much and felt verylight but I fell sick on the fifth day.After that I never tried it again whileI go to Hookah bar with my friendseven today.”

Ankita Sharma, 20, says, “Mymother was fond of Hookah. I usedfilled it for her and sucked it twiceor thrice. Slowly, I became habitualof it. That is, I am the head of myHookah group.”

Sanjeev Kumar, 22, says, “I was astudent of class 12. One of myfriends had thrown a Hookah party.Some of them were already wont ofit and then I also became habitual.”

Disease from smoking :- Maindiseases caused by smoking aremouth cancer, heart attack andlungs related disease. According toa paragraph published in *The NewEngland General of Medicine,“Nicotine not only affects brain butalso affects genetic and social setups. Nicotine affects nicotiniccolinargic receptors in brain. As aresult, it releases dopamine likeneurotransmitter, which gives afeeling of joy and reduced tensionand depression. It is the first steptowards becoming habitual oftobacoo. According to recentestimate of World Health

Oorganization, tobacco can causeas many as 29 deadly diseases.

How to give up:● Identify the reasons why do you

want to quit tobacco.● Set a date in ten days. If you

smoke during work, start givingit up during holidays. If you domore smoke at home, try to stopit during job.

● Don’t keep ashtray and cigaretteat home and office.

● Make a plan to quit and keep it(like chewing gum, enercise ortalk to friends)

● Ask family and friends not tosmoke around you.

● Take business help. Counseling,nicotine option and medicin willhelp you to come out of it.

● If you have started smokingagain, try again. Smokingcannot be given up in one ortwo trials.

Attraction in India:60.2% people smoke or chew

tobacco within half an hour ofgetting up.

46.6% people one in two smokerchew tobacco.

52.3% people swallow smokedue to others in the house.

29% people smoke duringtravelling or in public place.

17.8 year is an average age.When most of the Indians startsmoking.


What do you feel after giving up smoking? Nicotine withdrawl: Generally it

starts after two hours of lastcigarette: Initial symptoms areanxiety, tension, irritation,headache, vomiting and spasm.

Health benefit: Generallybenefit starts soon after giving

up smoking.Long age: Non smokers live 14

years more than smoker.Tobacco habbit in India: In 2010,

according to a survey conductedthrough GAT (Global Adult Tobaco), tobacco usage is down

among men during last five years while grew up to doubleamong women. In this survey ofthe International Institute forPopulation Science, 69295women and men of less than 15year of age were included.

Habitual of Who use Smoker cigarettes Biri Chewing Smoking Tobacco Smokers smokers tobaccoTotal 34.6% 14% 5.7% 9.2% 25.9%

Men 47.9% 24.3% 10.3% 16% 32.9%

Women 20.3% 2.9% 0.8% 1.9% 18.4%

HOWEVER, NONE OFTHOSE TEENAGERS ISAWARE OF THE FACTTHAT ONE HOOKAHSESSION OF ONEHOUR IS EQUAL TOSMOKING 100CIGARETTES. MOST OFTHE HOOKAH BARSCLAIM THAT BONG ISNOT SERVED TOTEENAGERS, BUTEVERYTHING GOES ONSECRETLY IN THERE.

We


Q A&I am Pregnant

IHAVE BARELY MISSED MY PERIODS FOR

two weeks and the doctor hasalready asked for an ultrasound.

Why is it necessary to get one doneso early? Will it not harm thepregnancy?

An ultrasound at six-seven weeksof pregnancy gives a lot of usefulinformation that is difficult to obtainlater on. This includes confirmation ofthe pregnancy, viability — whether

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heartbeat is present or not andnumber — single or multiple, locationinside the uterus or at abnormal siteslike the tube and the presence ofassociated abnormalities like fibroidsand cysts. Rest assured that this isnot a dangerous procedure and youcan go ahead with the procedurewithout fear.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ARE KEGEL’S

exercises, how they are doneand what are the benefits of

doing them.Kegel’s exercises strengthen the

"pelvic floor muscles" – the musclesthat support the various pelvicorgans from below. They alsoencircle the urinary and rectalsphincters and help control the act ofurination and defecation. The weightof the growing uterus on the bladdercould lead to incontinence – theleakage of urine, especially duringstraining – coughing, sneezing, etc.Kegel’s exercises help in preventingthis embarrassing situation and alsoimprove the muscle tone andelasticity which comes handy at thetime of delivery.

You can do them anywhere –sitting in your car, chatting with yourfriends on the phone, standing in aqueue – since the exercises are notexternally visible. To find the correct

muscles try stopping the flow ofurine midstream by squeezing

these muscles for a few secondsand relaxing them. Once youhave got the hang of it, do itwhen you do not have tourinate since retention of urinecan lead to urinary tract

infection. Alternatively, place afinger inside your vagina and feel

it tighten when you squeeze. If youare still unsure ask your doctor tohelp identify the correct muscles. Donot tighten other muscles, like those

of the stomach and legs, with it anddo not hold your breath.

IAM THREE MONTHS PREGNANT AND HAD

slight spotting a few days ago. Anultrasound revealed a low-lying

placenta with a small blood clot,though the baby is alive and growing.Please tell me what is placenta. Whatdoes ‘low lying’ mean and what are itsimplications?

The placenta is an organ vital forthe baby. It is attached to the innerwall of the uterus on one side and withthe help of the cord to the baby'snavel on the other. It carries food andoxygen from the mother to the babyand carries carbon dioxide and wasteproducts from the baby to themother. Usually, it is situated in theupper part of the uterus. Occasionally,placenta may be situated lower down.During painless uterine contractionsthat occur throughout pregnancy,internal examination or intercourse, alow-lying placenta can becomedetached from the uterine wallleading to internal or externalbleeding. If the separation andhaematoma (collection of blood) issmall the baby survives and grows.

The haematoma will get absorbedby and by and the pregnancyprogresses normally. It is important tobear in mind that a low-lying placentadoes not always remain low. With thepassage of time the growing uteruscarries the placenta upwards with itso that by the time the baby is readyto deliver, the placenta is situated in anormal position high up. However, ifthe bleeding is heavy and prolongedor if the placenta remains low downeven at term, complications mayarise.

– Dr A. K. Bajaj, MD

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Readers are invited to send in any healthand medical queries they would like tobe answered. Woman’s Era will provideanswers to your questions and offersolutions to your problems. Individualreplies cannot be sent.

Address your letters (neatly written onwhite paper) to:

WOMAN'S ERA,E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110055. Womansera.com

Journaling

Writing opens a new vista for you. By A. Aich

A Scientific

The Idea of self-Improvementbecoming more and morepopular makes me curious

about the ways people can go aboutit. Like me, you might have heardthat journaling every day can bring alot of benefits. But is this true?What can writing a couple of pagesa day really do for you?

Art

Now, when we talk aboutjournaling, that is, not onlystraightforward writing about youreveryday happenings, we have totalk about writing down emotionsfeelings, and goals and thinkingabout them deeply during theprocess. There are lots of claimsabout the benefits that this type ofjournaling can bestow on you, butlet’s talk about a few major ones,mental health, and physical health.

Journaling can be an effectiveway to keep your mental health incheck but it is not substitute toprofessional help. A lot of studieshave shown that frequentjournaling can result in a decrease inconditions like stress, anxiety anddepression.

These three conditions are oftenquite closely tied together with oneinfluencing the other. So, thedecrease in symptoms of one couldlead to decrease in symptoms of theothers.

Studies have also shown thatwriting a journal can sometimes beas effective as Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy or CBT indealing with these issues. CBT is afrequently used method of therapythat has a whole bunch ofevidence supporting how effectiveit can be.

JOTTING DOWN YOUREMOTIONS

Journal writing is also a form ofmeditation, as it forces you to slowdown and focus on one thing. Inthis case, a singular thought thesedays for an extended period oftime. Essentially, different types ofmeditation can potentiallydecrease stress and have positiveeffects on our ability to controlattention, regulate our emotions,and have self-awareness and canalso impact our memory andlearning abilities.

Studies show that it causesactual changes to the makeup ofyour brain.

Journaling can also help with ourphysical health. There is evidencethat this type of journaling can

boost your immunity and speed uphealing of injuries. I know thissounds pretty bizarre but theremight be a lot of indirect effects ofdecreasing levels of stress andstress-related hormones likecortisol, which at high levels for along period of time can weaken theimmune system and slow downhealing times.

BENEFITS OFJOURNALING

‘The benefits of journaling’ is areally interesting topic becausethere really isn’t a lot of evidence-based on the questions of why? Orhow? It could potentially helpreduce things like stress ordepression it's clear from themountain of studies that peoplehave benefited from it.

The information on themechanisms of how journalingaffects the body or brain isn’t


published yet. But it is clear thatjournaling does help people andwhether this is some kind ofplacebo effect or not, the fact thatit is an extremely inexpensive,accessible, and easy thing to domakes it not completely necessaryfor people to just give it a try.

Also, it is not compulsory towrite a journal every single day ofyour life because there will be dayswhen you don’t have things orthoughts that are super importantto write and this will lead you tooverthink and hover overunnecessary thoughts. Hence,writing is the finest art.

Researchers say that writing forthe sake of writing is bad as thatdoesn’t lead to any growth. So, it'scompletely up to you to decidewhat works best for you.

In the end, this can be the startof an aesthetic archive of all yourimportant life happenings that areclose to your heart.

MUSINGS/MEMORIESLOOTED AND TERRORISED

This happened when militancywas at its peak in Punjab. I wastravelling from Delhi to Jallandharwith my father.

A few days previously, somekillings had taken place in thedistrict of Gurdaspur which hadtheir impact in neighbouring stateof Haryana. Some anti-socialelements were going berserk,intimidating Sikh passengers intrains.

When our train too reachedSonipat station, an elderly Jatasked my father to get closer toother Sikh passengers.

I was very young at that time,studying in class 7. My fathermoved to a berth on which twoRajasthani labourers were sitting.He caught hold of the twolabourers on his either side.Suddenly, the train came to haltand loud noises could be heard allaround.

Some hooligans climbed on tothe train and began ransacking thepassengers. A big stampedeensued all over and people ranamok. I was crying bitterly, as Icould not see where my fatherwas. An army man caught hold ofme and tried to pacify me. Heshowed me where my father was.After half-an-hour the policearrived. By that time, the goonshad already run away with theirbooty comprising pricelessbelongings of the travellers.

Some persons had been beatenalso. The train was stopped at theAmbala Cantt for about two hoursfor inquiry. We could reachJallandhar only in the early nextmorning.

Whenever, I recall this incident,simply shudder. Also, I pray for thelong life of the elderly Jat and theunknown army personnel whocame to our rescue.

— Harinder Kaur

It is Never Too Late!

Don’ t g i ve up eas i l y By Gayatri

‘No, I don’t wantamma to go forwork ’ , whined myl i t t le brother in thebackground. ‘ I amsure we canmanage with l i t t leb i t adjustments butlet us not g ive upwithout t ry ing, ’ andmy parents rea l i sedthei r seventeen-year g i r l wasser ious lydetermined torestart her amma’scareer! ! !

It was a regular schoolday and I happened tooverhear my eighth

grade Mathematicsteacher mention about anurgent vacancy in themiddle school Mathsdepartment to one of hercolleagues. ‘Was this theopportunity that I hadbeen searching for mymother?’ I wondered as mymind repeatedly keptgoing back to my teacher’swords.

My ‘amma’ was a full-time homemaker who hadleft a fantastic high schoolteaching career aftermarriage. Post two kids,her life revolved making

when we came home everyevening. Of course, thatwas the pre-internet eradevoid of any otherdistraction, so we regaledher non-stop with ourhighs and lows of the daytill bedtime.

But somewhere in myteenage I just couldn’tshake off this feeling thatamma needed to connectwith the outside world in amuch more meaningfulway, have friends and getboth appreciation andacknowledgments for allthe wonderful skills thatshe possessed from peoplewho were not immediatefamily.

‘Amma, there is animmediate Mathsteacher’s vacancy in myschool. Would you like totake up that role? Imaginewe both can go to theschool together. It’ll be somuch fun..’ I breathlesslyrattled off as soon as sheopened the door when Ireached home thatafternoon.

‘What…but how…whatwill appa say…who will seeoff your brother to theschool everyday…will thatleave me with time fordomestic chores…is itreally possible for me now?…it’s been long that Itaught in a classroomenvironment…I really don’tthink I can do it now…maybe later…’

our home the warm, cozyand happy place that weloved to come back toafter a hard day’s work.Both my brother andmyself performedextremely well inacademics all due to herpatient coaching andsupervision. The house-hold chores didn’t leaveher with much time forsocialisation and I realisedthat we were her eyes andears to the outside world.‘Tell me what happened inthe school today?’ wouldbe her standard question

Go and meet mymaa’m. All the best.”

ShortStory

I brought up the topicagain with my fatherduring dinner and hisreaction was a cautiousone. ‘Yes, it would a goodchange for her but thenthere’ll be lot of practicaldifficulties if she goes forwork every day’. ‘No, Idon’t want amma to go forwork’, whined my littlebrother in the background.‘I am sure we can managewith little bit adjustmentsbut let us not give upwithout trying,’ and myparents realised theirthirteen-year girl wasseriously determined torestart her amma’scareer!!!

The next morning, witha thudding heart I

approached my Mathsteacher and asked her ifmy mother could apply forthe vacant position. Shelooked quite surprised atmy request especiallywhen I canvassed a bit tooeagerly for her and rattledoff her qualifications. “Ok,where is she working rightnow? How many years ofexperience does shehave?” she asked. ‘Ma’am,for the last eighteen years,she has been home, butshe is an amazing teacher’I was close to tears worriedthat this question may leadto a lost opportunity formy amma.

‘Ok..ok…call her fromthe school office. Ask her tocome and meet me with allrelevant certificates todayitself and then we’ll see.’

‘Amma, ma’am hascalled you for a meeting.Ask appa to drop you atthe school gate and wearthat pale pink cotton sareethat thatha (grandfather)gifted you. Beconfident..ok? I’ll be inclass, but you know where

the staffroom is. Go thereand meet my maa’am. Allthe best..’ I instructed herover the phone and wentback to my class.

Of course, I couldn’tfocus on any of my lecturesthat day and even my bestpals found me a bit aloof.In the last period, my Mathteacher sent for me andwith a thudding heart Ireached the staffroomdoor. ‘Hello beta, Mrs.Vijaya did well in the democlass and we haverequested her to joinimmediately fromtomorrow. She can availthe school van service, soboth of you can come hereto school and go backtogether every day,’ shesaid with a smile.

‘Was it a dream?’ Iwanted to pinch myself. Iwanted to ask amma athousand questions. ‘Howwas your demo? What isyour salary…? Which is yourlocker…? the classes thatyou have been assigned…?’But all those questions hadto wait as I had to answerthe queries of my superexcited friends too.‘Wow..aunty has joined ourschool?...you kept this asecret from us? for whichsubject?...’ and so on..

The next few days wereinsanely crazy especiallythe mornings. Now, therewas one more person whohad to get ready in orderto leave for work andamma had to finishcooking, cleaning, packour boxes and all beforewe both left for the bus-stop every day.Automatically few tasksthat were always inamma’s domain weredistributed amongst thethree of us now. Hangingout the washed clothes fordrying before leaving for

school was now my task,my brother had to self-serve his breakfast and fillhis own water bottle andappa’s all important taskwas to fasten all thewindows and lock thehouse before he left forwork. By his ownadmission, he found thetask quite arduous as therewere many a day when hewould remember that hehad forgotten his officebag or lunch box after hekickstarted his scooter inour yard. So, once again he

had to open the door,retrieve the item and thenleave for office afterhaving locked the dooragain.

At school, in the initialfew days, I constantlyworried about how mygentle amma would handleclass after class of noisyboisterous kids andwhether she would be ableto adjust and create herown identity amongst myteachers in the staffroom.She knew that my eyeswere constantly watchingher along the schoolcorridors and lobby though

we two would hardly speakto each other in the school.Occasionally, my overenthusiastic friends wouldput me in an embarrassingspot as they would merrilyscream ‘Oh! See there isyour MUMMY. Let us all goand say hello to Vijayaaunty’ and I had to begthem not to do that.

Slowly the novelty woreoff and we all settled in

our new routines. Ammabecame popular bothamong teachers andstudents in a matter of fewmonths. She involvedherself in various schoolactivities and won herself alot of new friends in thestaffroom as shevoluntarily helped otherteachers with attendancecalculations and markstotaling after every termexam. I completed myschool a few years aftershe joined and then movedto college. She continuedas a teacher in my schoolfor the next 15 years indifferent capacities.During this tenure, quite afew times she won the bestteacher award and twiceshe was also elected as thesecretary of the schoolstaff club.

Travelling alone, visitsto bank, makingconversation withstrangers didn’t daunt heranymore and yes mostimportantly she madesome great friends for lifewith whom she still stays intouch post her retirement.

Looking back at it, myamma often tells me‘Thank god that you didn’tgive up easily for I wouldn’thave known what my lifecould have been. Indeed,you made me realise it isnever too late to restartone’s life again.’


She invo l ved herse l fi n var ious schoo lact i v i t i e s and wonherse l f a l o t o f newf r iends in thesta f f room as shevo luntar i l y he lpedother teachers w i that tendanceca lcu lat ions andmarks to ta l ing a f te revery te rm exam. Icompleted myschoo l a fewmonths a f te r shejo ined and thenmoved to co l l ege .

We

Accept Embrace Marital Bliss

Falling in love with the same person many times. By Anupam Kaur

We, the fortunate ones, areblessed with a family whenwe enter into this world.

Friends keep coming in and goingout of our life as we start growing.However, the relationship thatholds paramount significanceamong all other relationships is thedelicate and immensely strongassociation between a husband andhis better half. The relationship thatbrings two distinctive individualstogether to spend their life’sjourney as husband and wife.

The Make-believe WorldMarriage, however, has always

been a tight-rope walk. We are notsure how our reaction should be toa specific situation and when we dorespond in a manner that we feel fit,the repercussions might not bewhat we expected them to be. Theconsequences, in most cases, are areflection of the real situation thatwe should handle wisely.

We see marriage through rose-tinted glasses that are fed onstories covered in exaggeratedromantic movies, and movies thatmake us believe in unreal, ignorantideas about marriage. The illusionthus created impairs us fromdifferentiating the make-believeworld from the harsh realities oflife.

The cocoon of illusion enclosingus disables us from accepting thechanges that most often arise postmarriage. Comparing real-lifehappenings with our ignorantthoughts can be a great cause ofunwanted and unnecessary tiff.Enjoying life with all its joys,sorrows, hardships, success, trusts,betrayal and companionship canplay a paramount role in making lifesimple and straightforward.

Facing RealityFrom the naïve world of wishful

dreams, and unrealisticexpectations, marriage brings usface to face with the pragmatic lifein its own way. We acknowledge it,while simultaneously bringing alongwith us our own perceptions andnotions. Unaware that theseunrealistic notions would getbulldozed by the facts weunknowingly ignore.

all of it is our present married life. This, itself speaks volumes about

the fact that marriage when giventime, might be a bumpy ride initially.However, it gradually blossoms likea flower leaving behind the ignorantdreams that clouded our thoughts.

Unload ExpectationsWe are not born wise, or happy.

We become wise with time, withexperiences and with our learnings.Similarly, happiness is notbequeathed to us on a platter. Wemust learn how to be and remainhappy. Getting on to the roller

coaster life post-marriage takes atoll on our emotions and happiness.

We load ourselves with a hugeburden of naïve and self-damagingexpectations that keep poking us atevery action of our spouse, everyreaction or non-reaction, everyparticipation, and non-participation,till the time we start judging themfrom the lens of our ownexpectations and cast them in amold that is entirely the result ofour own thoughts. Our mind playshavoc with our thoughts andfurther jumbles the relationshippart of the cerebral.

We convince ourselves by sayingthat what we feel is correct; whatwe expect must be normally done;what we say is the only truth. And ifthings vary from those misfed andmisformed notions, the only personwe feel to be responsible is ourbetter half.

Then, we give no considerationto the fact that our spouse is analtogether different person. Theyhave grown in a separate home,with their own set of parents andfriends. They have their own uniqueschool life with unique experiencesand learnings, personal strugglesand conquests, and their own set ofhardships and luxuries.


Personal life,social, and work-

life undergo adrastic change and,

in most cases,potentially result in

personal stress. Notknowing what to do,

who to reach out to, howto adjust and accept the

new surroundings, and achanged way of living definitely

takes some time to sink in.With the passage of time,

however, things start falling intoplace. A new life pattern is set andwe start following a new routinewelcoming the change andaccepting the new roles,responsibilities, and perks thatcome along with it. We oftenreminiscence the life prior tomarriage, feel sadness or joy, eventhough what takes precedence over

COMPARING REAL-LIFEHAPPENINGS WITH OURIGNORANT THOUGHTSCAN BE A GREAT CAUSEOF UNWANTED ANDUNNECESSARY TIFF.ENJOYING LIFE WITHALL ITS HARDSHIPS,TRUSTS, BETRAYALAND COMPANIONSHIPCAN PLAY APARAMOUNT ROLE INMAKING LIFE SIMPLE.

We both came together by virtueof being married and not as siblings.Our likes, dislikes, preferences,habits, ideas, thoughts, moods,interests, feelings, reactions, andpersonality traits are bound todiffer.

In such a scenario, hoping thatthe spouse would react to asituation as you wish for them toreact, and reluctance to accept theirreaction as an outcome of their ownunique personality is a sure triggerto set your mind racing withthoughts that you should bettershun.

Free your self from the reins ofexpectations that keep you bondedin a vicious circle. Unleash yourmind and see your spouse as theyare and not as a figment of yourdreams that you wish was real.Accept them for who they are andas they are without complaining orcriticising.

For a change, turn the prism, andattempt to see your spouses minusall your expectations andjudgments. You might get a broaderperspective and even begin tounderstand how irrational yourexpectations have been. Whoknows, you might even see qualitiesthat you missed to appreciateearlier.

AcceptAccepting life, people, and

situations play a vital role in keepingus grounded, contented and happy.Rather than finding flaws, judgingeach other or making comparisonswith other people who have norelevant bearing in your life, acceptyour spouse as they are.

Accept that perfection in allrealms of life may not be what wewant. That there is no special powerthat makes us supreme from oursignificant other.

Accept that marital bliss lies justahead of acceptance. Accepting torealise things, situations, andreactions that are way beyond ourcontrol, accepting to let go of thethoughts that are venom to ourrelation, accepting to assent ourspouse lovingly would nurture therelationship and build an enduringmarriage that would bear the testsof time.

Blessings galoreLast but definitely not the least is

being grateful for the blessings thatwe have been endowed with. Ourinnumerable blessings are oftendisregarded and overlooked. We areso caught up in a vicious web ofworldly affairs that the search forthe missing factor in ourrelationship keeps us foolishlyengaged.

This search goes on to such alevel, that the pieces that may fitperfectly in a jigsaw puzzle areoverlooked and mostly missed.Small and seemingly insignificantmoments that might not bemomentous, might possibly be amoment of happiness or joy.

A blessing nonetheless youshould forever be grateful for.Being ungrateful or unappreciativegenerally diverts the focus to thingsthat, you believe, are missing fromyour life or relationship rather thanappreciating those that exist.

Allow gratitude to become anindispensable part of your life andsee the incredible magic unfold in allyour relationships and life.

Learn to embrace the smalloccasions of life without anyadulteration of your thoughts. Letnobody or no prejudiced thoughttake you towards a path ofcomparisons, disagreements,dissatisfactions and mar a relationthat would potentially grow fromstrength to strength.

Let the chief relationship of yourlife follow its own uncertain courserather than attempting tomanoeuvre the reins towards a paththat you feel correct. Embrace blissthrough accepting and letting go ofwhat is not meant to be.


HOPING THAT THESPOUSE WOULD REACTTO A SITUATION ASYOU WISH FOR THEMTO REACT, ANDRELUCTANCE TOACCEPT THEIRREACTION AS ANOUTCOME OF THEIROWN UNIQUEPERSONALITY IS A SURETRIGGER TO SET YOURMIND RACING WITHTHOUGHTS THAT YOUSHOULD BETTER SHUN.

We


Yes, how did you?We see many marriages floundering

but we also see marriages between theunlikeliest of spouses, not only survivingbut growing stronger with the years.Thanks to the tactics of one wise partner!Truly, a person’s successful mar riage just does not happen, it has to be worked at.

We would like to know as to how youovercame the crisis of a break-up ordiscord in your married life.

Did your husband (or wife) have aninfuriating habit, a hot temper, miserlyways, a roving eye or a lazydisposition? Since he is your husband,how did you cope with the situation and keep your marriage happy andhome safe?

Share your secret with us and millionsof our readers all across the world.

Contributions should be neatly written

Name

Address

City Pin

on one side of the paper. A declarationthat it is your own true personal storymust accompany the contri bution. If youso desire, your name will not bepublished and you can use any pen-name. All contribu tions accept ed andpublished will be paid ` 500.

Send your entries to:

WOMAN'S ERA,Delhi Press Building,

E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055

or click to www.womansera.com for submission

For a few days, things were allright but soon the old problemsarose. This time, my husband didnot take my accusations lying down.He started shouting at me and alsotried to hit me once.

I was not one to tolerate suchabuse. I retaliated in equal measure.In a few days, matters came to thehead and living together seemedimpossible.

I left for my sister’s house withchildren and was on the point toinitiating divorce proceedings whenmy father-in-law came to visit me.

He and I had a long talk and helovingly made me see the mistakes Ihad committed. This was the firsttime I had really talked to him. Irealised that the communicationgap was another reason for myresentment.

I didn’t realise that it took timeand effort from both sides to build astrong and loving relationship. Myhusband’s easy relationship withthem made me feel insecure andjealous.

After the talk with my father-in-law, I felt that their family reallyloved me — as did my husband. Ifelt ashamed of my behaviour anddecided to return. My husband alsowas sorry about his recentbehaviour. I forgave him andstarted a new chapter in our life.

–By Razi

Empatheticfather-in-law

I had not yet developed a goodrelationship with him due to myworking hours. Anyway, I soonstarted nagging my husband aboutthis “preoccupation” with them. Iaccused him of neglecting me andour children.

I suppose this started a reflexaction and he started resenting myclose ties with my siblings!

I didn’t quite realise that what Isuffered was exactly what I wasputting him through! I took tocomplaining to my parents abouthim, but they were wise and did nottry to fuel my resentment, althoughI never missed a chance to belittlehim. Soon I managed to persuademy parents to help us get settled inthe Gulf. This strengthened tieswith my family but my husbandmissed his people.

But we had to return because ofsome unavoidable situations andstarted living with my in-laws again,as that was the house; they meantto give to my husband.

My parents had been living in theGulf since their marriage. Mybrothers, sister and I received ourprimary education there and thenwere packed off to our native land— Kerala. I finished school in Cochinand then joined a college and beganto stay at the hostel with myfriends.

I always resented the fact thatmy parents were not there for mewhen I needed them. They simplyprovided me with money.

But that was not enough for me.I needed them to help me solve myproblems, to be there for me. Thiswas impossible as they rarely cameto India and even when they did; itwas only for a week or so.

During my graduation, I met aNavy officer, through a dating App.At our first date only, we clicked.Very soon, we were deeply in love.After completing my studies andgrabbing a good job we decided totie the nuptial knot.

Life was a bed of roses, or so itseemed in the beginning. Myhusband was a very caring andaffectionate man. We lived with myin-laws.

Two years passed without anyproblems. I was a working womantill my second child was born. Butthen I had to leave my job as I foundit tiresome to work and look aftermy family. That was when problemsstarted cropping up. For somereason, I started to dislike myhusband’s overfamiliar attitudetowards his own relatives. They hadalways been a close-knit family butsomehow, I started feeling jealousof their easy camaraderie.

All it needs is a sympathetic approach and little adjustment. By Minakshi.S.Desai

Caringfor our AgedAbuse of the elderly

Recently, there was a news clipin a morning daily about a daughter-in-law who allegedly usurped theflat of her eighty-year-old mother-in-law. Not content with that, shebroke the fingers of the old lady andthreatened her with direconsequences if she dared to returnto the flat again.

The sane mind baulks at thethought. One does wonder how theperpetrator of such a deed can findpeace of mind or restful sleep afterthe act. The sad part of the matter isthat such things are more rampantthan we think.

This brings us to the moot pointof the subject: the presence of theelderly in our lives. Be they ourparents or our in-laws; it reallymakes no difference, as all oldpeople are equally vulnerable.

In this fast paced life, it oftenbecomes difficult for the elderly toaccept the fact that the life they hadlived was in the ‘then’ and the lifetheir children or grandchildren areliving is in the ‘now’.

It is unrealistic to expect theyounger generation to behave in amanner that was prevalent somefifty to sixty years back. ‘Thingswere different in my time, we didn’tdo this or we didn’t do that,’ is a lineall of us must have either heard orspoken depending on our age.


Growing with the times…Aging is a tricky thing. Like the

pendulum of time, it can swingeither way. For some, aging is a partand parcel of life, something that isto be taken in their stride. In suchcases, there is acceptance;acceptance of their limitations andacknowledging the lifestyle changesof the younger generation.

The cheerful disposition andoutlook of the elderly people makethem an asset, rather than ahindrance. They blend seamlesslyinto the harmony of the household,loved and cared for.

For others it is a differentballgame altogether. Insecurity,vulnerability, added to age relatedmental problems bring aboutsuspicion and crankiness. The tastebuds loose their capacity todistinguish subtle flavours and thejoints and digestion are a problemtoo.

The result: A whiny, constantlycomplaining individual who can seenothing good in the things or thepeople around him or her. In suchcases, looking after your parent canbe an unrewarding task indeed.

All said and done, no matter howaggravating the situation, there isno getting away from it. As, theBible says: ‘As you sow, so shall youreap.’ We set precedence for ourchildren by the way we act and theway we behave.

After all, what goes aroundcomes around. This is not to say youlook after your parents so that yourchildren will look after you. Thatwould be totally self-serving;looking at the wrong end of thestick.

Tackling a trickysituation…looking after theelderly

Involving the aged parent in dayto day activities; like choppingvegetables, helping the childrenwith their projects, giving them theresponsibility of looking after thekids while you are out withouttaking advantage of them helps to agreat extent. The parent iscomforted in the knowledge that he

or she is wanted and a part andparcel of the household.

It is good to understand theirneeds as far as their diet isconcerned, and their limitation asfar as work is concerned. There isonly so much they can do at thatage and it is best to be aware ofthat fact. Aging parents often resortto blackmail when they cannot gettheir way.

A pain in the chest just when youare about to go out is common.Rather than getting upset or goingfor a slinging match, be gentle butfirm with them. Carry on with yourlife without being cowed down bytheir pressure tactics. They will soonunderstand and probably respectyou for that.

For the bedridden● If finances permitting, get hire

help. If full-time help is notfeasible, go for part-time helpwho will look into the needs like

bathing, changing sheets, washingetc.● Search for a good support

system; siblings, cousins, friendsand neighbours can all chip in.

● Take a break, be it catching amovie, going out for dinner or aholiday. Looking after the infirmon a constant level can be a tryingtask at the best of times and assuch regular breaks are a must.

● Old age is like a secondchildhood. Pamper the parents assuch.

● Encourage the infirm to listen tospiritual videos, sermons ormusic.

● Involve them in the activities ofthe household by talking to them,seeking their advice. Encouragethe children to visit them a coupleof times a day.

● The thing to remember is that it’snot going to last forever. There isgoing to be a certain amount ofrelief, with the sorrow; when theend comes; which is only natural;not something you should befeeling guilty about.

● Do the best you can; butremember, you are only humanand there is only so much you cando. The best part about looking after

the elderly is the sense ofsatisfaction you feel at the end ofthe day. There is nothing worsethan carrying the baggage of guiltand regret for the rest of your lifewhen you feel you neglected yourduty towards the person who gaveyou birth and brought you up to bethe person you are today.

THE CHEERFULDISPOSITION ANDOUTLOOK OF THE

ELDERLY PEOPLE MAKETHEM AN ASSET,

RATHER THAN A HINDRANCE. THEYBLEND SEAMLESSLYINTO THE HARMONY OF THE HOUSEHOLD,

LOVED AND CARED FOR.

We

Q A&Your Body

IAM A 50 YEARS OLD WORKING woman.Since last two to three years, I havebeen suffering from red patches on

my trunk and itching on these patchesusually occurs but since last two -three months, I developed gland oninner and upper sides of both thighs. Ihave consulted a skin specialist forthis problem. Doctor advised mebiopsy, after examination and withthe biopsy report doctor told me that Iam suffering from mycosis fungoidesand advised me radiation therapy andantitumour chemotherapeutic drugs. Iwant your opinion about this problem.

Mycosis fungoides is a cutaneousT-cell lymphoma that begins on theskin and may involve only the skin foryears or decades. Patients presentwith localised or generalisederythematous patches or plaques,usually on the trunk. Plaques arealmost always over 5 cm in diameter.Pruritus is a frequent complaint. Thelesions often begin as nondescript ornondiagnostic patches and it is notunusual for the patient to have skinlesions for more than a decade beforethe diagnosis can be confirmed.

In more advanced cases, tumoursappear. Lymphadenopathy(enlargement of local glands) mayoccur locally or widely. Lymph nodeenlargement may be due to benignexpansion of the node or by specificinvolvement with mycosis fungoides.The skin biopsy remains the basis ofdiagnosis, though at times numerousbiopsies are required before thediagnosis can be confirmed. Inaddition, circulating atypical cells canbe detected in the blood by sensitivemethods. Eosinophilia may be present.

The treatment of mycosis fungoidesis complex. Early and aggressivetreatment has not been proved to cureor prevent progression of the disease.

Topical Mechlorethamine ointment or solution, topical steroids, and PUVA are all used for early patches and plaques. Radiation therapy forlocal lesions and systemic agents such as retinoids, antitumourchemotherapeutic drugs and alphainterferon are used alone or in variouscombinations for more advanceddisease or in patients who fail topicaltherapy.

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MY HUSBAND IS ABOUT 50 YEARS

OLD and suffering fromobesity. I want to know about

the hazards of obesity.Obesity is a health hazard and a

detriment to well-being which isreflected in the increased morbidityand mortality. Obesity is a positiverisk factor in the development ofhypertension, diabetes and gallbladder disease. It has beendemonstrated as an independent riskfactor in the development of coronaryheart disease (heart attack andangina) in some studies.

However, obesity is frequentlyassociated with other primary riskfactors of coronary heart disease suchas elevated plasma cholesterol,elevated blood pressure and cigarettesmoking. There are in addition, severalassociated diseases, which althoughnot usually fatal, cause a great deal ofmorbidity in the community. Forexample, varicose veins, abdominalhernia, osteoarthritis of the knees,hips and lumbar spine, flat feet andpsychological stresses particularlyduring adolescence. Obese personsare exposed to increased risks fromsurgery.

Obesity may lead to loweredfertility. Obesity shows a dromaticincrease in sudden death among menmore than 20 percent overweight ascompared with those with normalweight. The increased mortality isbrought about mainly by theincreased incidence of hypertensionand coronary heart disease. There arealso an excess number of deaths fromrenal diseases. Obesity lowers lifeexpectancy.

– Dr Sanjay Teotia


2 Woman’s Era ● March (First) 2004 2

oculoplastic surgeon decides againstsurgical invention due to any reason.

But as already explained, crutchglasses are a mechanical aid to liftthe drooping upper lid. Thus, thedrooping will reappear whenever youremove these specialised glasses.

– Dr Narendra Kumar

WHY DOES EVERYONE ON THE

INTERNET RECOMMEND NOT

buying yearly contactlenses? I have actually broughtyearly contact lenses. Did I make a mistake?

Contact lenses are an excellent,invisible aid to vision, that requiresome precautions to be taken, likeobserving strict hygiene in thehandling of these. Contact lensesattract lipid deposits, which startbuilding up after about 30 days.They, thus, need to be cleaned anddisinfected as per the direction ofthe eye care professional. And thisrule applies especially to yearlycontact lenses. Disposable contactlenses, say monthly disposables,make things easier as the wearergoes for a new pair every month.And, daily disposables do not requirecleaning and storage as also the lenssolution bottle…just open the pack,wear a pair, and toss it off in thewaste basket after the day’s use.Another point, though minor, needsconsideration: if something happensto the contact lens and it breaksdown (and it’s an yearly one), thenyou need to replace it at half thecost. Something similar happeningto a disposable lens, doesn’t requireso much on the replacement of onelens out of 12 pairs (or 365 pairs)!

●

CAN WE USE EYE-SIGHT LENS EVERY DAY? Eye-sight lenses, or corrective

eyewear lenses, are usually meant tobe used every day. For example,errors of refraction (myopia,hypermetropia or astigmatism) needcorrective eyewear lenses, and theseare prescribed by eye careprofessionals (optometrists andophthalmologists) for constant use.

For presbyopia, or advancing agerefractive error, on the other hand,there’s the option of single-visionglasses being used only when doing near work. But bifocals orprogressive power lenses make thetask more comfortable, as while nearvision glasses are meant to be usedonly while doing a near vision task, itbecomes so-to-say impractical toremove these every time the wearer

needs to look away in distance orwhile talking to someone.

At the time of undergoing aprofessional eye examination, youcan receive complete medical adviceapplicable specifically to yourself!

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ARE CATARACTS COMMON IN OLD AGE AND

CURABLE?The condition of opacity of the

lens inside the eye is known ascataract. It is one of the commonestprevalent diseases in old ageresulting in curable blindness.

There is gradually diminishingvision in the affected eye. Doublevision of slight degree may bepresent due to irregular refraction ofthe lens. Inability to read in brightlight is a common complaint incentral lens opacity.

The patient often discards readingglasses because of the developmentof myopia. Frequent change inrefraction of the eye is almost alwaysthere. There is no inflammation.When cataract is immature, vision canusually be improved with the help ofsuitable lenses.

Ocular tension is noted at regularintervals in all cataract cases as asafeguard against glaucoma. Urineand blood sugar estimation is usuallyadvised to rule out diabetes. Whencataract interferes with dailyactivities of a person, the opacifiedlens is removed so as to clear theway for light to enter the eye. At thetime of surgery, an intraocular lens(IOL) is implanted in place of theremoved cataractous lens.

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HOW MANY DAYS WOULD IT TAKE TO

REMOVE PTOSIS IF I USE PTOSIS CRUTCH

GLASSES?Ptosis spectacles are a

mechanical aid to lift the droopingupper lid. If you wish to removeptosis (and who doesn’t?), consult anoculo-plastic surgeon (anophthalmologist who has donefellowship, or specialisation in lidsurgery), as surgery can usually takecare of every type of Ptosis.

However, Ptosis spectacles areindeed a viable option to relievedistress in cases where the

Readers are invited to send in any healthand medical queries they would like to be answered.Woman’s Era will provide answers to yourquestions and offer solutions to yourproblems. Individual replies cannot besent. Address your letters (neatly writtenon white paper) to:

WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, NewDelhi-110 055. Womansera.com


HowDiabetesAffectsYour FeetThe disease is the leading cause of non-traumatic amputations.By Sudha Hariharan

World Diabetes Day (WDD) iscelebrated globally inNovember to create

awareness about this silent killer.Diabetes Mellitus is a metabolicdisorder in which high blood sugarpersists for prolonged periods.Commonest symptoms are weightloss with increased appetite,increased thirst and frequenturination. In 2017, there were 7.4crore diabetics in India (8.7 per centof the population aged 20 to 70)According to the World HealthOrganisation (WHO), this figure isexpected to double by 2025.

“Poorly controlled diabetesunfortunately brings a host ofcomplications spread across bodysystems,” says Dr Tilakdas Shetty,(Consultant Surgeon & Head of theDiabetes Foot-Care Division at K JSomaiya Superspeciality Hospital,Sion). “The main target organs indiabetes are: the eyes, the heart,the kidney, the nerves and the feet.50 per cent of patients newlydiagnosed with diabetes will havepre-existing neuropathy and 30 percent will have ulcers which takeabout 28 weeks to heal on anaverage. Paradoxically, althoughthe feet are the most commonreason for admission in diabetes;they are also the most neglected.”

More often than not, you willnotice people with diabetessuffering from problems with their

feet. This is caused by diabeticneuropathy and peripheral vasculardisease. What exactly does thismean? High levels of sugar candamage nerves in the leg and thefeet - you may not feel heat or cold,there could be swelling in the feet,sores may not heal quickly, corns,calluses and in-grown toenails maybe painful.

Skin and bone infections,abscess, gangrene and deformitiesare some of the complications thatafflict diabetics.

Diabetes also affects blood flowwhich is why sores take longer toheal and you are at risk for ulcersand gangrene. Poor blood flow inthe arms and legs is calledperipheral vascular disease.

Diabetic Foot Ulcer is mainlycaused by neuropathy or lack ofsensations with or without pain,which has not been noticed by thepatient. Pain is one of the greatestgifts of nature to mankind. Diabetesleads to loss of pain which leads toulcers. Diabetes is associated withpoor blood circulation which, inturn, increases the healing time forcuts and sores. Peripheral vasculardisease increases the risk of ulcersand gangrene.

High sugar levels can cause nervedamage - "sensory diabeticneuropathy". Nearly 10 per cent ofpeople with diabetes develop footulcers due to peripheral vascular

disease and nerve damage. Peoplewith diabetes may not notice soresor cuts on the feet, which in turncan lead to an infection. Nervedamage can also affect the functionof foot muscles. Neglecting this canlead to amputation.

Diabetics need to check theirfeet regularly for cuts, blisters, redspots etc. Feet should be washed inwarm, not hot, water and dried wellparticularly between the toes.

● The skin of your feet should bekept soft and smooth by using alotion daily over the tops andbottoms of your feet, but notbetween your toes. Corns andcalluses should be gently smoothedwith a pumice stone. Keep yourtoenails trimmed straight acrossand file the edges with an emeryboard or nail file.

● Walking barefoot can be ahazard - wear comfortable shoesand socks.

Athlete’s Foot: is a fungalinfection. Cracked skin, itching, andredness are associated with thecondition. Fungus enters cracks inthe skin causing infection. This canbe treated with antifungalmedications, oral medications ortopical creams.

Toe nails, corns & calluses: Thick,brittle, yellow-brown, or opaquenails are common with fungal nailinfections. The infected area maycrumble or seem to pull away fromthe rest of the nail.

Fungus thrives in the warm,moist, dark environment created bywearing closed-toed shoes. Nailinjury also increases the risk offungal nail infection. While it isnormal to have some calluses, it isimportant to never try to cut acallus using a sharp object. Doing socan cause serious injury.

A corn is a thickened, button-likearea of skin that builds up betweenthe toes or near a bony area of atoe. Pressure and friction causecorns. Here are a few tips to carefor corns:

● Rub the area with a pumicestone after a shower or bath.

Diabetic Foot

Uleer

NeuropathyNerve Damage

IschemiaReduced Blood Supply

Pain

Callus

Numbness

Deformity

Ulcers

Gangrene

Can these foot problems be prevented?

Taking good care of your feetcan prevent problems beforethey start! ● Pay special attention to your

health and your condition.● Follow your doctor's

instructions regarding diet,exercise and medication.

● Keeping your blood sugar levelswithin the prescribed limits isone of the best things you cando to control your conditionand protect your feet.

● Check your feet daily forredness, blisters, sores,calluses, and other signs ofirritation.

area helps guard against infection.To care for a blister, keep the areaclean, apply antibacterial cream orointment, and cover it with abandage to minimise the risk ofinfection.

● Avoid over-the-counter cornremoval treatments.

● Never try to cut the corn with asharp object. Doing so can causeserious injury.

Blisters are raised, fluid-filledareas of skin that form due tofriction. Do not attempt to pop ablister since the skin covering the

DIABETIC FOOT ULCERIS AN EASILYPREVENTABLE LESIONIF BASIC PRINCIPLES OFFOOT CARE,INSPECTION ANDCHANGE OF FOOTWEARAND REGULARMONITORING BYMEANS OF SIMPLEINVESTIGATIONS LIKEAN HBA1C ANDDOPPLER ARE DONEJUDICIOUSLY.


Bunions: A bunion is a sorecallused area on the outside of thejoint of the big toe making it angleinward. They may appear on bothfeet and tend to run in families.Wearing high-heeled shoes withinadequate toe room increases therisk of bunions. Covering the bunionwith padding or a foam cushionhelps protect it.

Foot Ulcers: These are dangerouswounds that can affect people withdiabetes. “These ulcers are, in mostcases, difficult to treat andsuccessfully treating an ulcer doesnot mean new ones will not come. Ifan ulcer is large or not respondingto treatment, the only option left isamputation.

In India, about one lakhamputations are performed dailyand once a person has had anamputation it is very likely that theperson will have a secondamputation within two years,”warns Dr. Shetty.

However, he adds, “Preventionis better than cure is the most aptfor this disease. Diabetic foot ulceris an easily preventable lesion ifbasic principles of foot care,inspection and change of footwearand regular monitoring by meansof simple investigations like anHbA1c and Doppler are donejudiciously.

All this takes is a regular visit to adiabetic foot speciality clinic withtrained personnel and simpleequipment.”

In spite of all the aboveprecautions if an ulcer does occur ina diabetic patient, then adequatecare should at be taken fordetection.

And treatment of infections,removing the pressure from thefoot (offloading and specialfootwear) and rehabilitation in casean amputation is needed.

Plantar Warts: These arethickened areas on the soles of thefeet that have small black spots andare caused by a virus. The affectedpatches of skin are painful and mayoccur alone or in clusters.


Follow these tips for properl care of your feet

● Wash your feet daily with non-irritating soap and warm water.

● Avoid soaking your feet.● Dry your feet completely after

bathing, paying special attentionto the areas between the toes.

● Avoid applying lotion to theareas between the toes.

● Once a week, examine yourtoenails.

● Trim toenails straight acrossusing a nail clipper.

● Avoid rounding or trimmingdown the sides of toenails.

● Smooth rough nail edges withan emery board after clipping.

● Choose well-fitting socks -wearsocks to bed if your feet getchilly.

● Wear properly-fitting shoesmade of soft materials–such asleather or canvas.

To keep blood flowing to your feet:● Prop your feet up when sitting

down.● Wriggle your toes frequently.● Take frequent breaks to flex and

point your toes. Avoid crossingyour legs, especially for longperiods.

● Avoid smoking and if you dosmoke, quit. Smokingaggravates blood flowproblems.

We

DIABETES ALSO AFFECTS BLOOD FLOW WHICH ISWHY SORES TAKE LONGER TO HEAL AND YOU AREAT RISK FOR ULCERS AND GANGRENE. POORBLOOD FLOW IN THE ARMS AND LEGS IS CALLEDPERIPHERAL VASCULAR DISEASE. PAIN IS ONE OFTHE GREATEST GIFTS OF NATURE TO MANKIND.

two greased plastic sheets. Transferthem on to a clean cotton sheet andspread in the sunlight. Remove whendry and store them in a clean and drycontainer. Fry and relish them whenyou want.

AFTER CUTTING RED PUMPKIN IT

GETS rotten after few days.How can we keep it fresh

without freezing it?There is no need to freeze red

pumpkin; moreover it doesn’t remainthe same after freezing. The bestway to keep it for a few days is notto store it in a plastic bag in therefrigerator. Also remember toremove the seeds only when you areready to cook it and not beforestoring.

WHAT IS THE USE OF BAKING POWDER,BAKING SODA AND CORN FLOUR?

As the names suggest, bakingpowder and baking soda, are bothused in baking cakes, biscuits andcookies. They help, or should I say,make the rising process during thebaking, happen especially in theabsence of eggs. So, while bakingwithout eggs, baking powder andbaking soda are a must.

Corn flour, as such is available inthe market, and is used to thickensoups and gravies and is also used ina number of biscuit and cookierecipes. It can also be replaced byrefined flour or Maida.

HOW CAN WE KEEP OUR KITCHEN SINKS

SPARKLING CLEAN?For a sparkling white sink, clean

with bleaching powder. Stainlesssteel sinks can be cleaned withmethylated spirit, white vinegar oreven club soda will shine it up in a jiffy.

— SAVITA BHARGAVA

Q A&Kitchen queries

If you have any problem in cooking orkitchen, write toWoman’s Era. We shalltry to help you sort it out.

Address your queries to:WOMAN'S ERA, E-3, Jhandewala Estate,Rani Jhansi Marg,New Delhi-110 055. Click womansera.comto lodge your queries.

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WE ARE CONFUSED WHILE USING

preservatives. Please giveus some information

regarding their names and uses.There are two main permitted

preservatives which can be safelyused in the preservation of variousfood items – potassium meta-bisulphite and sodium benzoate.Potassium meta-bisulphite is used inthe preservation of all types of citric

●

juices like mango, orange, lemon andpineapple, be it syrup or squash.Sodium benzoate can be used topreserve tomato juice, tomatoketchup, pickles, chutneys, etc. Butyou have to keep in mind how muchis to be used in a particular amount ofthe product.

AS THIS IS THE SEASON OF STOMACH

upsets, how can we preventd i a r r h o e a - i n d u c e d

dehydration at home?Yes, this is the season when our

bodies are very prone to stomachinfections. To prevent dehydration,many types of rehydrating mixturesare available in the market which canbe easily dissolved in water and givenorally to the patient. But at home youcan dissolve about 20 gm of sugarand 7 gm of salt in a litre of cleanwater and use till you get the ORT(oral rehydration therapy) mixturefrom the market.

AFTER SEVERAL USES, A TEA

strainer gets choked with old tea particles. How can we

clean it?Yes, our tea strainers tend to get

choked after some time if notcleaned properly regularly.

Use an old tooth brush to cleanthem, but carefully because if youuse a plastic tea strainer it mightbreak.

HOW CAN WE MAKE AALOO PAPAD AT

HOME?Making aaloo papad at home is

very simple. Boil potatoes, peel andgrate them. Now mix in anappropriate amount of spices of yourchoice like salt, red chilli powder,garam masala, mint powder, pepperpowder and/or fennel powder.

Mix them very well. Take smallportions and roll them out between

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Mental Health - It’s Important Too!Battling with mental issues may bedifficult but not impossible. By Sharon Victor

Depression is a commonlyoccurring condition thatscourges a considerable

proportion of some people's lives.The state of depression relativelyshows consistent lowering of themood alongside feelings ofhopelessness additionally showing aloss of interest in everydayactivities. The key point here is thatthe clinically described symptomsmay go unnoticed or may even beconfused with normal behaviour fora long time.

Incidentally, a lot of studiesreveal a directly proportionalrelationship between stressful lifeevents and the depressedcondition. The condition is said todevelop over days, weeks and couldpotentially persist for months oreven more if left untreated. Whilesome others show recurrentepisodes of depression throughouttheir lives.

A study by Stimmel in 1996 statesthat depressed people have beendemonstrated to have reducedblood flow and reduced activity inthe frontal temporal cortex andcaudate nucleus. A few otherstudies proded researchers topropose 'the biogenic aminehypothesis' which corelates adepleted amount of noradrenaline,dopamine and serotonin atsynapses within the CNS (CentralNervous System) as the cause fordepression.

Another hypothesis states thatacetylcholine levels are increasedand out of balance with otherneurotransmitter levels indepressed people.

These studies more or less brieflyoutline that biochemical imbalancein CNS is chiefly responsible for thecondition in affected people.

Some of the most commonlyobserved symptoms or changesassociated with the illness are :● Consistently feeling low● Loss of interest in daily activities● Alteration in appetite● Altered sleep, increased or

decreased● Fatigue or loss of energy● Suicidal thoughts

It is also known thatenvironment too plays a major rolein overall mental health of anindividual. Persistent abusive orviolent surrounding may cause anindividual to become moresusceptible to depression. Timelyintervention by a healthprofessional is mandatory for athorough diagnostic evaluation.

Psychotherapy or 'talk therapy'as it is commonly known, is used totreat mild to severe form of theillness often along with anti-depressant medications. On theother hand, Electroconvulsivetherapy (ECT) is also used forindividuals with severe depressionor bipolar disorder.

TALK IT OUTAs the condition is treatable, it’s

time we stopped stigmatisingmental illness and bravely embracedthe ones who're silently sufferingwith a pressed smile. Lend an ear tothe ones who have repressedemotions instead of being aspectator of their plight.

Stop taking a jibe at the oneswho seek help because more oftenthan not it is mere anthrophobia-fear of people, that pushes theminto an abyss of hopelessness. Helpthem seek their answers, reasonwith them, if possible, tell them thatits #okaytonotbeokay. Allow themto rant.

Take a step back and lookaround, talk to your friends andclose relatives. You never knowwho among us is fighting battles intheir heads.

Motivating and helping them talkthrough the phase, being a goodlistener are some of the few thingsone can do to help. Regularexercises and a healthy diet can alsohelp improve the mental wellbeing.Most of us have a breakpoint in ourlives, when we decide to just giveup because certain things don'twork out the way we want them tobe. It is often said that suchsituations make or break us asindividuals. Not everyone comes outstronger through the storm, someof us get caged, go through a

There could be a lot many thingsbogging you down, remember toascertain and put yourself first.

You can only genuinely transmityour best to others when you carefor yourself unconditionally.Nourishing yourself with love andhappiness will only lead to a betteroverall well-being. It can come all atonce or it can be sporadic.

A discorded state of mind goingthrough bouts of anxiety,depression and what not, needsyour acceptance and compassionmore than anything. Loving oneself


We

breakdown and even come outhurt. We handle our situationsdifferently.

But having someone to lean onat such times could just be ablessing more than anything. Bethat person for someone today. Betheir sunshine after the storm,rather sail through it together. Andfor the ones who are in this bythemselves, learn to let go.

One day at a time, its not easybeing there. But don't forget to loveyourself again. Love yourself,because why the hell not?! Nobodyis perfect. Each of us are flawed inways more than one.

can lead to a road of self-discovery.Sometimes, all that sadness can betoo overwhelming and you mightfeel that you’ve hit rock bottom,but the truth is loving yourselffearlessly can be endearing for thesoul. Life can often be painful, butour experience is what shapes usinto individuals that we are today.So, please be kinder to yourselvesand more loving and compassionateas it is only then you can give theworld your best. Seekingprofessional help could be the bestdecision for anyone who's feelingso. To love oneself is the beginningof a lifelong romance.

TAKE A STEP BACK ANDLOOK AROUND, TALK TOYOUR FRIENDS AND CLOSERELATIVES. YOU NEVERKNOW WHO AMONG US ISFIGHTING BATTLES INTHEIR HEADS. MOTIVATINGAND HELPING THEM TALKTHROUGH THE PHASE,BEING A GOOD LISTENERARE SOME OF THE FEWTHINGS ONE CAN DO TOHELP. REGULAR EXERCISESAND A HEALTHY DIET CANALSO HELP IMPROVE THEMENTAL WELLBEING.

TAKE A STEP BACK ANDLOOK AROUND, TALK TOYOUR FRIENDS AND CLOSERELATIVES. YOU NEVERKNOW WHO AMONG US ISFIGHTING BATTLES INTHEIR HEADS. MOTIVATINGAND HELPING THEM TALKTHROUGH THE PHASE,BEING A GOOD LISTENERARE SOME OF THE FEWTHINGS ONE CAN DO TOHELP. REGULAR EXERCISESAND A HEALTHY DIET CANALSO HELP IMPROVE THEMENTAL WELLBEING.

Be A ManMansuetude is expected from you.

By Dr. Harleen Pandher

Ilove ads. Some are quiteinteresting. Some highlight youremotions, your feelings or some

are just fun to watch. There was anadvertisement in which a boy, thattoo a renowned cricketer, teases agirl by luring her with a mobilephone. The girl responds back.

That advertisement createduproar among many ad makers as itgave a wrong signal. People tend topick up bad things. It’s a human

tendency that we get attractedtowards wrong things sooner thanright things.

Relations play a very importantrole in our lives. If you get goodfriends, good relatives, it’s ablessing. But, when people don’trealise the worth of relations andspoil it to the worst level, forgettingthe humanity, then things takereally bad shape, as it happened in agang rape in Delhi.

Everyone knows about thismishappening. A young girl wasraped by six people in a moving busin Delhi. After the rape, theyinserted an iron rod into her bodysystem which was so brutal even tothink of it. Imagine the pain the girlhad gone through in her life. Peoplecan be so heartless… It’s too much.

Not only this, there arenumerous incidents in which thesetypes of things are happening.

It’s quite strange that suchincidents are increasing day by day.In another shameful incident, a girlwas raped by her father for nearly ayear and when her brother came toknow about it, he too started rapingher.

There are many similar instanceshappening right now in our society.Relations are such vital things thatthey should be cared with love. Butpeople are making fun of therelations. A brother gettinginvolved with sister, a brother-in-law getting involved with sister-in-law and many more incidents, whichshatter the true faith behind theclose relations.

There are many questions relatedto this in my mind. First of all, whereare our relationships heading to?Are the girls safe even in theirhome? If home is not the safestplace for them, then where are theysafe? Who will take care of them?Do they have any future or it isbleak? There are many mind-boggling questions which bothersus about the welfare of females.

UNFORTUNATE IRONY!Girls are very gullible by nature.

They are easy to be ensnared.Though times have changed andgirls too are very smart today but,still girls are innocent. Not all butfew bad boys trap them, use themand throw them. It is pitiable. In oneof the incident, a girl got engagedto a boy and they were to getmarried. The boy ditched her. Bypromising long term relationship,the boy raped her. VERYUNFORTUNATE.

As technology has increasedmanifold, ‘death of distance’ hashappened. People are nowconnected more by technology.Facebook is the biggest example.People indulge in chatting. Iffriends are known, it is a separateissue. But, some users indulge inchatting with strangers. Result isthe chances of their gettingtrapped are more. And, somefemales do get trapped andbecome victim of rape.

So, somewhere latesttechnologies are playing a role. Iftechnologies are used in the rightcontext, they are a boon. But if theyare used in the negative context,they can prove to be bane.

Every time, it is not a fault of thefemales. The girl had been gang-raped in Delhi without any fault ofher. She, along with her friend, hadboarded a bus and got caughtamong guys with criminal mind. Thementality of people such is thatthey always point fingers towardswomen, whether it is their fault ornot.

A girl is raped. Such a bad thinghappens to her and sometimes onlyshe is blamed as if it was her fault.And, the boy comes out afterspending few years in jail. Now, theboy is free to move aroundeverywhere but the girl continuesto suffer. The blame is the girlswear too short clothes; that is whyboys are provoked to do some‘untoward’ thing with them.

Anywhere, girls are the softtargets. Even when a man is

enraged, he starts hurling abuses(galiyan) that impolitely underminethe dignity of women threadbaringintimate man-woman relations.There is always a background foreverything. The set-up of oursociety is such that it givespreference to males.

When a boy is born in a family,people say amazing things that givea clear picture of how majority ofpopulation thinks. If it is a boy, theyshower the mother with blessingsthat “You are so ‘lucky’ that you hada son.” And, God forbid, if it is a girlthen, what to say… There are manyremorseful words… Like, “OH! It isso sad you got a girl. You will marryher off and be all alone then. Whydon’t you try for a boy, next time?Maybe, God favours you with a boy.”

It looks as if the worst thing hadhappened to the parents. And evenif in the second or third attempt agirl is born, then hell breaks on thepoor parents. This is the kind ofmentality we are living into rightnow. The major problem lies in thethinking “What can a female do?” Ifwe touch her, rape her; molest her,NOBODY WILL SAY ANYTHING TOUS. WE ARE SAFE.

At the first instance, in maximumcases, women have a tendency toignore this kind of petty offencesand malice advances, because it has


THERE ARE MANYSIMILAR INSTANCESHAPPENING RIGHTNOW IN OUR SOCIETY.RELATIONS ARE SUCHVITAL THINGS THATTHEY SHOULD BECARED WITH LOVE. BUT PEOPLE AREMAKING FUN OF THERELATIONS. ARE THEGIRLS SAFE EVEN INTHEIR HOME?

been a part of a woman’s life. Everywoman, at some point of time orthe other has been a victim of thesekinds of ordeals. Maybe, she isgoing out alone and some roadsideRomeo passes a comment on her ortouches her or stares at her in themost disrespectful manner orsomething like this. Becausesomewhere they ‘feel’ girls are easytargets. What can she do? I am aboy. I am in a stronger position.

SUPERIORITY COMPLEX Then, there is a tendency among

males of domination over females.They think they can dominate ontheir wives, sisters or any woman intheir custody. And, for this reason,immoral husbands or boyfriends tryto dominate over their femalepartners physically and evensexually. Or if they are angry orhave hatred against a woman, theythink the best way to dominate heris to exploit her sexually. The pointis anywhere we go; it is very difficultto change men’s mentality ofsuperiority complex.

With changing times, however,the outlook of women is alsochanging. They now step out oftheir homes to work in variouswalks of life. Some men can’ttolerate it. They are blinded by theold mentality that a female shouldstay put at home. And when they

see women venturing out, vile mentry to do all nasty things to showtheir dominance.

Till now, we talked about thoseboys or men who were strangers orsimple acquaintances and whocommitted heinous crimes. But,there is a section of society wherewrongdoers are very close inrelation with the victim, like father,uncle, brother, brother-in-law, andthe best friend. What will we say tothem?

The basic problem is that suchkinds of people are morally andethically deprived. They are not ableto or willing to differentiatebetween right and wrong. Womenare just a medium of fun orentertainment for them. They arepsychologically ill and weak. But,

morally they are so down that theydon’t realise what they are doing?

For them to satisfy their sexualurges, the only requirement is thatshe should be a ‘female’— relationsdon’t matter for them, age doesn’tmatter for them. These kinds ofpeople are sick people. Besidesthings mentioned above, theculprits (anyone) are fully awarethat the police system is lax andhence they can get away easily aftercommitting a crime. This outlook iscreating problems. So, the crimesare increasing.

Live and let live should be themotto. Females are considered asdevi (goddess) in India. As such,they ought to be respected at leastif not worshiped by all. It is verydifficult to change the basicthinking of people towards women.But, surely it is not impossible. Lotof it depends upon the basiceducation being provided to anyoneright from the childhood.

As it is said, family is the firstschool for any child. It is the duty ofthe mother to guide her child rightfrom the childhood. Because, itcan’t be denied whatever parentssay never goes wasted. It is the dutyof parents to inculcate in their wardthe instinct of respect and love forothers, especially females.

Strong moral values are to beimparted among the boys and girls.A child is a child and should beguided on the right path. It is reallyimportant for the parents that theyshould not give undue preferenceto the negative behaviour of theirboy. If your child is wrongsomewhere, point it out and explainthe things to him or her patiently.Then, make right use of the latesttechnologies as technologies arenot good or bad, it is the user whomakes them good or bad.

So, use it in right possible way.Value beautiful relationships,instead of using them for yourselfish motives. Men should usetheir energy in respecting thewomen and to ensure the welfareof females, instead of exploitingthem. Use your manhood in theright way. So, BE A MAN…


We

STRONG MORALVALUES ARE TO BEIMPARTED AMONG THEBOYS AND GIRLS. A CHILD IS A CHILD ANDSHOULD BE GUIDED ONTHE RIGHT PATH. IT ISIMPORTANT FOR THEPARENTS TO AVOIDUNDUE PREFERENCE TONEGATIVE BEHAVIOUROF THEIR BOY.

Iam an engineering student. Whenever I come home, myparents want me to stay at home all the time. Since Ihave a large circle of friends who often invite me during

my vacation, it becomes difficult for me to refuse them.This annoys my parents. However, I wonder whether I amalone to blame.

I grew up in a joint family where my 2 uncles, family andwe stayed. All of us children played and enjoyed together ina large courtyard in the centre of our house.

My father was very well off. So, I was the one studying ina good public school. Whenever I would play with mycousins, I would be reprimanded and told to play with myschool friends, which I did not enjoy in the beginning.

Gradually, my parents distanced me from my very owncousins, by not allowing us to mix freely. Later, I startedgoing out of the house and began spending time with otherfriends. This was encouraged by my parents in thebeginning, but now they want me to stop this completely.

Is it possible to change one’s nature at the drop of a hat?The bond between my cousins and me has somewhat beensevered, and now I am told to avoid friends. All this annoysme and I do not feel like coming home at all. It is justbecause of my mother that I am here, but in a day or two Iget disillusioned.

It is disheartening to see some parents creating a barrierbetween their own kin. With money comes status and asense of false pride, which overpowers many people. Youhave very intelligently analysed and assessed your situation.What has already happened cannot be undone completely,but it can be compensated for.

Parents are also humans, and they are fallible. When youare rebuked for going out with friends, take the opportunityto have a frank discussion with your parents. Make themunderstand that you cannot distance yourself fromeveryone, as interacting and keeping a good relationshipwith others is essential.

Help them realise that, by their own doing, they haveisolated themselves. Everyone has their own ego, so noone will bow down before them. Money and status cannever compensate for human power. It is up to you to tryand renew and strengthen the family bond that hasweakened.

Giving tit for tat is not the way to solve problems. Keepyour parents happy, devote some time to them and organiseget-togethers with your friends for a shorter time.

If you balance and manage your time, you will find peacewithin and also give happiness to others. It will also benefityou in the future when you have a job and a family of yourown.


IAM A 78-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. MY HUSBAND DIED

about 8 years ago. He had built a 3-storeyedhouse and given the upper storey to our 2

sons. We stayed on the ground floor. I amfinancially quite strong. My health is on anaverage the same as people of my age have.What bothers me is that there is no one to talkto me, and I do not feel like cooking, just for

myself, but I have to.My sons’ families never come down to me, and the

conversation is limited to closing or opening the door. Inmy husband’s lifetime, their behaviour did not pinch me somuch, but now it seems that they consider me an outsider,while their in-laws, or their families are treated as their veryown. In fact, there is a great celebration when they come,and frequent visits are planned to their place.

I, however, thirst for their company even on occasions,such as Durga Puja, Diwali and Holi. Once they planned aholiday outside, and I was left absolutely alone in the house.I often wonder how one’s very own child can behave likethis.

Was there a fault in my upbringing? I am just fed up withthis kind of life. Is there a way to make my life morepeaceful?

Was your family a close-knit one during your husband’slifetime? Adjustments and commitments are not just forcouples, but for other family members as well.

After your son’s marriage, did you treat your daughter-in-law with affection? Was she made to feel welcome in thefamily? A person cannot be won over simply by givingmaterial wealth.

A feeling of acceptance and warmth is necessary. In yourhey-day you did not require their support, but you shouldhave sought their cooperation and made them feelresponsible towards you both. Anyway, now you shoulddeliberately call them together and have a family gathering.

Speak to them (about their younger days, of the timesspent together) and try to revive the old spirit oftogetherness. Tell them that you miss them, and if theyspare a few moments, you would be happy.

Once they start interacting with you, they will graduallycome closer to you. Interact with your grandchildren,shower them with gifts, and sometimes give something toyour daughter-in-law. It is true that in today’s fast-pacingworld no one wants to spend time on courtesy calls, but achange in your attitude will make them realise that theyshould alter their behaviour also.

Sooner or later, you can let them know that you do notenjoy cooking just for yourself and that it would give youmuch relief if both of them take the responsibility in turns.

Since money is not a problem, you can contribute bybuying the fruits or milk, or giving a particular amount tothem. During festivals, ask all of them to join together incelebrating with you downstairs.

Fill your larder with goodies and let them prepare withyour occasional assistance and guidance. I know it isdifficult, but a little effort from your side will motivate themto pay attention to you.

Q A&My Family, My Friends and Me...


Being Moms to

Itʼs not a race, itʼs a journey.By Kaushik Joshi

Moms mothering a child withspecial needs shouldn’ttake their role seriously

and get caught up in the labyrinthof familial and societal pressures,sea of information and emotionalcombat.

Most parents play their part welland can be termed ‘good parents’.However, if you have a son ordaughter with any of the neurodevelopmental disorders, being‘good’ won’t suffice. With somepreparedness and medicalintervention, you can go from beinga ‘good’ to a ‘great’ parent’ andensure a tranquil environment athome as well as growth of yourchild.

The number of children showingsigns of developmental disorderssuch as cerebral palsy, neuro motordisorder, autism, Attention DeficitHyperactivity Disorder, (ADHD),intellectual deficiency and learningdisability is rising all over the world.

Parents of such children,however, should not lose hope asexperts believe that with adequatemedication and occupationaltherapy, kids can attain normalgrowth. Concerned over risingnumber of children havingbehavioural problems, the IndianAcademy of Paediatrics organised anational level conference inNovember, 2018 in Ahmedabad todeliberate on issues involved. The

theme of the conference wasHolistic Approach to DevelopmentalDisorders.

Speaking at the conference, Dr.Amola Patel, developmentalneurologist of Ahmedabad said, “Ifidentified at an early stage, thedevelopmental problems of childrencan be addressed with expectedresult.”

She also explained how parentscould know if a child hasbehavioural problem.

“If the child tends to throwtantrums and shows the samefidgety behaviour at all places, itcould be a child with special needs.And if the child behaves differentlyat school but is otherwise quite

‘Special ’Kids


normal at other places, somethingcould be wrong with the schoolsetting,” says Dr. Amola.

This tip is vital since thebehaviour of special needs childrenis typical childhood behaviour.

Dr. Amola runs an earlyintervention centre for paediatricneurology and is worried that thenumber of children showing signs ofdevelopmental disorders is rising atan alarming pace.

She has prepared a clinicalprofile of 2041 children withdevelopmental disorders examinedby her over 16 years and observedthat male children are affectedmore than female children in allsuch cases.

Among the neuro developmentaldisorders could be listed intellectualdisability, communication disorders,language disorders, specificlearning disability, developmentalco-ordination disability and ticdisorder. A child could have morethan one such disorder also.

The effects of such disorderscould vary with social, personal,academic, physical or behaviouralfunctioning.

Experts ascribe the rise in thenumber of such cases to severalfactors including improved survivalof newborns with defects, genetic

disorders, and changes in medicaland preventive medical practice,improved prenatal diagnosis andincrease in newborn screening.

Dr. Amola, however, feelssatisfied that the cases are detectedat the early stage since they areincreasingly recognised by parents.

Without parental awareness, shefeels doctors cannot go forscreening and only after screeningthe child, the treatment optionscould be decided upon.

“Now there is more societalacceptance and much less of stigmaattached to behavioural problemsof children. Parents feel free to

consult and the child could thenbenefit from the therapy. But weshould have more special therapycentres, health care facilities,special education centres andcounselling centres as also a healthyand supportive school policies inthis regard,” feels Amola.

IMPORTANCE OFPARENTING

Sensitisation of parents and theiracceptance of the disorder are verymuch needed in the management ofthe problem. Parenting such kidscould be taxing but parents couldjoin help groups, interact with otherparents, meditate and spare timefor themselves to relax. This goes along way in the treatment.

Navigating treatment optionsand with the right support in place,a child with developmental disordercould progress at the same pace ashis or her peers.

Since symptoms of such disordermay interfere with developmentalstages of a child, the righttreatment can help relieve some ofthe distractions.

So, the experts favour holisticapproach to the treatment ofdevelopmental disorders whichwould include both

The autistic children showrepetitive patterns of behaviour,interests or activities. They alsoregister stereotyped motormovements, use of objects orspeech.

While the ADHD children showattention deficit in details andschoolwork. They can’t holdattention and often lose focus.Also they can’t organise tasks andget easily distracted.

The autistic children have to betaught basic things like eating andbathing. Playing with mud, sandand clay could also help them insensory integration besides musicand sports.

The most commonly found cases are of autism and ADHD

EVERY CHILD ISDIFFERENT. SO,EDUCATION OFPATIENTS, FAMILIESAND TEACHERS FORMSAN INTEGRAL PART OFTHE MANAGEMENT OFSUCH CASES. PARENTSNEED NOT GET JITTERYOVER IT ALL SICE THEREIS A LOT MORE TOTREATMENT THANMEDICATION.

pharmacological andoccupational therapy for neurodevelopment.

The occupational therapycould strengthen fine motorskills (holding pencil, pickingup and releasing blocks,cutting (with child-safescissors) and gross motor skills(throwing a ball). Anoccupational therapyworkshop for such specialneeds children would bealmost like a gym completewith climbing walls, swings anda trampoline.

Even music could help since anorganised piece of music canprovide structure for kids, who havetrouble regulating their brainpathways, increasing chemicals inbrain.

“Every child is different. So,education of patients, families andteachers forms an integral part ofthe management of such cases,”feels Dr Amola.

Parents need not get jittery overit all sice there is a lot more totreatment than medication.

It is important not to think about

what is wrong with your child, butrather think what is right with himor her. “Once parents learn to lookat the gifts or ADHP – things likeexceptional energy, creativity andinterpersonal skills – they can seethe shine inside their child,” saysKen Brown Gratchev, a specialeducation instructor at KaiserPermanente, in Portland, Oregon.

Like this mom, Carol Barnier withADHD child from New Firefield,Connecticut, who taking it in herstride says, “My child is destined forsomething wonderful, somethingthat would be impossible for those

calmer and regular energy-level children. I can think ofseveral occupations whereboundless energy would bean incredible asset. I’m evenjealous of his tirelessenthusiasm of life andwonder what more I couldaccomplish if I were soblessed.”

That’s quite cheering andreassuring for parents withsuch children. So, why not putit this way – children withspecial needs rather than

special-needs children.And would you like to know the

famous people who had ADHD? Thelist is long and can be traced back toSocrates in ancient time andphysicist Albert Einstein, artists Dali,Picasso, Van Gogh and Rodin,authors Emily Dickinson, RobertFrost, Leo Tolstoy, Ralph WEmerson and Virginia Woolf.

They are the famous ones weknow about and there could bemany more that had made greatcontributions to society.

So, you can win laurels – evenwith ADHD.


FRAUDULENT MAIDMy parents had to go out of

town to attend a marriage. Mysister and I were not able toaccompany them because of ourexams. We stayed at home [Goa]and our parents went to Agra.

We were strictly advised toclose the main door properly andnot to go outside without askingour parents over the phone.During those days, we had a maid-

servant who was from Tamil Nadu,she could speak a bit of Konkani. Shewas a soft speaking woman. She didher work to perfection. She alsoworked for the three neighbouringhouses. She was a relief to myparents they entrusted her with oursafety.

One fine day, she came home andstarted crying. I tried to console her,but she continued crying. After sometime, she controlled herself and toldme that her husband had died andhis dead body was lying in a hospitalin Tamil Nadu.

She had no money to go thereand undertake his last rites.

Being sensitive, I quickly believedher story and gave her five thousandrupees. She took the money. Beforegoing, she told that she might notcome to work for two weeks.

Over the phone I narrated theincident to our parents. They saidthat they would look into it after

they have come back. After nearlya week, my parents returned andtried to contact the maid if shefurther needed any help. But wewere not able to reach her.

The matter got suspicious, thenwe went to our neighbour. Shetold us that the maid narrated adifferent story that her father haddied and taken 10,000 rupees fromher. She had also cheated twoother neighbours in the samefashion with different excuses. Wefiled a complaint against her at thepolice station. But I still had a rayof hope that she might return.Weeks passed, months passed,years passed, but she neverreturned. I was emotionally madea fool by a crafty and dishonestmaid servant.

I learned my lesson, that nevertrust anyone so easily. Crosscheckthe matter on your own first.

– Anjali, Sanquelim

We


with your routineand if baby is fighting nap too muchskip it and prepone bedtime. Havepatience and compassion… it’s aphase and it will pass.

WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON SLEEP

ASSOCIATIONS? IS NURSING tosleep, rocking to sleep,

white noise are all good habits toencourage from the start?

A sleep association is any activityor behavior that helps your child fallasleep. So technically there isnothing wrong about it, however,some sleep associations are hard tocome out of and have long termconsequences.

For example, nurse to sleep ortaking a bottle to sleep is one suchassociation.

If not weaned off at the righttime, it continues for over 2 yearsand that can become frustrating forboth mother and baby to deal with.

However, the initial few monthswith your baby, specially the first 4-6months will need this association.They are too small to fall to sleepcompletely independently and thuswill need some help. There are sleeptraining methods that you can usefrom the beginning to avoid formingany associations but this can havelong term impacts on you baby asthey tend to feel abandoned andalone. So, the best approach is toform healthy sleep associations likea blanket or stuff toy which does notend up having long term impacts.

HOW MANY NAPS SHOULD A 10MONTHS OLD BABY TAKE? MY sonis fighting his second nap so

wondering if I can switch so only onenap during the day.

Sleeping patterns are schedulesmight vary from baby to baby but at10 months you baby should besleeping 12-14hours a day.

You baby can choose to take thatin 2 daytime naps or with 1 itself. So,if your baby is sleeping more than2hrs at a stretch in the afternoon,you can drop the evening nap andpropone bedtime. That way yourchild with get 10-11hours of sleepthrough the night and 2-3hours in the day.

However, when your baby sleepsonly for an hour, you can giveanother short nap early evening. Theimportant thing to remember is‘wake windows’. Before the finalbedtime there should be a long wakewindow of 5-6hrs, so plan the napsaccordingly.

MY BABY REFUSES TO SLEEP IN THE

DAY. SHE IS ALMOST 3.5yrsnow. Is that okay? But

because of this I am not able to get amoments rest. How do I keep herengaged all day?

Many babies do drop their napscompletely by the time they turn 3or 4. Introduce the concept of ‘QuietTime’.

Encourage her to go to her roomby herself. Do ensure it is safe andcomfortable. Then explain to herhow the next 40-45 mins she needsto do some calming activities andtake some rest. So, allow her to readbooks, do some simple puzzles,maybe some colouring or simply liein bed and play with her toys. Firstfew days you can be in the roomwith her, but do your own work orsimply rest and lie down.

Then slowly encourage her to do‘quiet time’ by herself.

You can show her some nurseryrhymes about ‘quiet time’ as thereare a few and from there she willunderstand the concept and behappy to do it too!

– Navya Vachher

Readers are invited to send theirproblems of child care and child rearing.WOMAN’S ERA will provide the answers,solutions to problems usuallyencountered by mothers, young and old.Address your letters (neatly written onwhite paper) to:

WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate,New Delhi-110 055.

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Q A&Child Challenges

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY FOR A

NEWBORN BABY TO SLEEP?Should my baby sleep on the

bed with me or in a cot? Same roomor different?

From the day you become aparent, it is important to cultivateyour own parenting style and dothings that work for you personally.World Health Organizationrecommends that a baby shouldshare the room with her parents forthe first year, specially the first 6months. During this time, you canco-sleep on the same bed or put yourbaby sleep in bassinet near your bed.But it’s important to keep your babyclose during the initial months.

You will be waking up frequentlyin the night to feed so it’s onlysensible to have them easilyaccessible. Also, they will sleepbetter having you around since thatis their only place of comfort duringthis phase.

MY BABY IS 8 MONTHS OLD. SHE

HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD

sleeper but lately has beenhaving a lot of troubling settling fornaps. She sleeps better at night butfights her naps during the day.

A big reality with our babies isSLEEP REGRESSION. This refers to atime period when your baby’s sleepis affected due to some underlyingdevelopmental leap or a growthspurt. This phase usually lasts 1-2weeks post which your baby willsettle back into a schedule. During aregression your baby will fight naps,take longer to sleep and may evenwake up multiple times at night.

At around 8 month your babywould be going through excessiveteething, working on a achieving amilestone (learning to sit) and will beobserving so much around him…sleep is simply not a priority!

But don’t worry, stay consistent

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From imaginary to the real world. By Ritu Kumar

When I was a kid, my motherused to read lots of storiesto us, stories with pictorial

illustrations. And as she read I fixedmy eyes on pictures and traveled tothe place where the action of storytook place. I conversed with birds,animals, nature, rivers, mountains,moon, sun and sky. They becamemy playmates.

Flying on wings of imagination, Itravelled many a places: continentsand countries, Jupiter and jungles,villages and valleys. When I grewup, I read stories from Champak,Parag, Nandan, Lotpot, ChachaChowdhary etc. Panchatantra storiesopened new vistas of learningwhere I learnt what an allegorymeant.

These books inculcated in meways to understand the worldbetter, leave the world and returnto it. An adolescent, I shifted to EnidBlyton.

Travelling on the

Wings of Books

I would relish the adventures of afaraway world so different frommine. Then from public library inAmbala Cantt, where my fathertook me, I borrowed Jules Verne’sAround the World in Eighty Days.

It was a rip-roaring adventurestory, spaning around the world andits cosmopolitanculture, it was abrilliant tale that Iread all over againand again. What Ilearnt about worldand places, I learntfrom books readingthem inside my room.

A youngster, Idevoured Mills andBoon, and traveled incarriages with PrinceCharming to dimly littaverns partakingcandle lit dinners in far off placesand slept dreaming about 'theylived happily' Cinderella romances.

ADDICTED TO CLASSICSYears later, during my Masters in

English, I hunted the college library,began reading Dostovsky, JaneAustin, Leo Tolstoy, James Joyce,Rusdie, Camus, George Eliot, Brontesisters, Virginia Woolf, NayantaraSehgal, Anita Desai to name a few.

I became addicted to classics andoften drew pictures of Jane Austin’sSouth England countryside,Bronte's moors, Miners homes andwild nature portrayed by Lawrence,rectories of James Joyce, Hardy’s‘Wessex’, R.K. Narayan's ‘Malgudi’,Raja Rao's Kanthapura.

I could easily find my way inthose criss-cross streets of townslooking for landmarks mentioned inthe books. Pictorial presentationand deft diction made me literallyvisit these places and see them withflash of inward eyes. When I lookback at those years of Masters, Irecall how enthusiastally Iconsumed those classics.

Through these classics, Ijourneyed across timeless spacesand shrines, learnt about ideologiesand philosophies, culture and

customs of people I had never metand places I had never visited.

How true are the words ofHermann Hesse, German born poet,“Without words, without writingand without books there would beno history, there could be no

concept of humanity.”I have never been to

Stratford of Shakespeare orHyde Park in London butthrough world of words Ihave been there many atime. It was only throughreading War and Peace byLeo Tolstoy that I visitedimmense area of Russiaover which episodes andcharacters have beenscattered, from the sumtotal of bridges andfrozen rivers, forests,


roads, gardens, fields, whichaccumulate grandeur and sonorityafter you pass them.

Reading these classics I had afeeling of the place and space whichhave always been exhilarating andenriching. Now I realise that it’s alllove for the libraries and literaturethat gently pushed me to explorethe world though not by traversingacross the globe but just by stayingglued my eyes to the text and noseinside the books.

Well, love for books and librarymade me a globe trotter and a storyteller. In books I have traveled notonly to other worlds but into myown. We

I BECAME ADDICTED TOCLASSICS AND OFTENDREW PICTURES OFJANE AUSTIN’S SOUTH ENGLANDCOUNTRYSIDE, MINERSHOMES AND WILDNATURE PORTRAYED BYLAWRENCE, RECTORIESOF JAMES JOYCE,HARDY’S WESSEX, R.K.NARAYAN'S MALGUDI,RAJA RAO'SKANTHAPURA.


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My final exams had started; Iwas both excited and nervous. Ibooked a cab to the examinationhall and was sure to reach ontime. The traffic was heavy and Iwas getting late for the exam.Anyway, somehow I reachedthere.

Still I had to cross the road inorder to reach my finaldestination but was afraid of the

traffic. Nervousness begangripping me. Suddenly, someonetook hold of my hand and escortedme to cross the road.

No sooner did we reach theother end than he left my handand walked away, leaving me notime to thank him.

I rushed to my seat and mademyself comfortable. I turned myface to have a look around. I sawthe same guy sitting next to me.He gave a nod with a mischievousglint in his eyes. After exam wasover, I was again in the samesituation and he again came to myrescue and helped me cross theroad. This time, I thanked himproperly.

Now, this became a dailyroutine, he would help me crossthe road.

We became fast friends andeven started hanging out. Wediscovered soon that we bothshared lots of common interests.The day we could not meet

THE CHIVALROUSKNIGHT

physically, we would beconneccted via video call. Ourbond got stronger with time. Oneday, when we were taking lunchin a restaurant he opened up hisheart that he had feelings for me.I was just waiting for thismoment only and we starteddating each other.

But things changed with thecourse of time and I had to moveto another city for my highereducation. This was the timewhere most of the relationshipsended but we gave long distancea chance and it worked. Onweekends we used to visit eachother, video calls were oursaviour and it even made ourrelationship more beautiful andstronger.

After years, when we finishedour studies and got settled in ourcarrier, we decided to getmarried and, today, he is my manand I his wife.

–By ZAINAB ALI

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WOMAN'S ERA

The prize is awarded to:R. Srinivasan

Appropos to theeditorial ‘Talibanistan!’ ofSeptember issue. Despitetaliban appreciated India'sdevelopmental efforts inAfghanistan and in thesame breath reiterated thatno military power will beallowed there, but messageis clear that democracy is afar cry in that nation.

However, announcingamnesty to women and urgingcivilians to join mainstream with arider has not instilled confidence inthem who fear for their lives underthe dispensation of Talibans. All in all,

Though their reaction & effect on ourbody might be slow, the benefits, isworth the wait & delay, as goes thesaying, “Slow & steady wins the race”.

– Preetha Rengaswamy, Chennai

The article, To Be orNot To Be, by IshaJain, September2021, truly describesthe indeciveness ofan unhappy couplewho despitefighting with eachother continue tolive in thats u f f o c a t i n g

relationship due to various factors. Ifone of the partner is the controllingtype and makes the other onesubservient to his or her desires, thevictimised person will always live in astressful state of mind. Some coupleskeep on arguing before the childrenwhich lives a bad impact on theupbringing of the children. If the issuesstill remain unresolved they mustamicably part ways by making theirchildren’s care their priority. Thechildren who grow in in a dysfunctionalfamily develop many psychologicalproblem and it is better to bring themup seperately for their healthy mentalgrowth. – Harinder Kaur, Jalandhar

RESOLVING ISSUES

Appropos the article‘Benefits of onlinelearning: Pre-Primarychildren’ by GayatriRamanan inSeptember issue.The writer in depthanalysing howschools which wasthe ground fori n t e r a c t i o n s ,

debates and participationsduring pre-pandemic times hassuddenly come to a halt as a resultonline learning becoming the newnormal for all students is apt andappropriate. Infact, after educationgetting severely shaken during the

covid-19 pandemic, kids havebecome extremely restlessbeing indoors with no socialplay. All in all, teachers at thecentre of fundamental reformsin the education system andblended learning beenuniversally accepted andupgraded, the challenges thatlie ahead before the teachersto prepare the students are

numerous. And with technology in thehands of teachers, it certainly bringstransformation in meaningful learning.

– R. Srinivasan, Telangana

RETHINKING OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM

the message by Taliban thatnobody will be harmed seemsdeceptive looking at thescenario where thousandsexpressing anguish at thesudden change of eventswanting to flee Kabul toescape brutal and barbaricrule which no doubt is goingto be the order of day fromnow in Afghanistan. It is

imperative, India strategise its plansby keeping a close vigil at the bordersto foil any attempt by Pakistaniterrorists and Taliban to disturbpeace.

– R. Srinivasan, Telangana

'Neem & its uses' published inSeptember issue, was an excellentread. Our grand parents of yesteryearsgave great importance to home-maderemedies, with the passage of timeand advancement in science &technology, reaching the doctor forall small ailments, has become a‘fashion’. With Google on the finger-tip, and allopathic medicines andcorporate hospitals mushrooming,purchase of medicines across thecounters has become easy, with theside-effects of those medicinesunknown to patientgulping it. Plants likeNeem, Turmeric, Ginger,Tulsi, Betal & other herbalplants come in handy formany small ailments as a‘First –Aid’ without any sideeffects. Grand ma’streatment included all thesein right proportions whichcaused no harm to our body.

GRANDMA’S REMEDY : NEEM

AFGHANISTAN OR ‘TALIBANISTAN’?

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