discover yourself-keep a journal

8/6/2019 Discover Yourself-keep a Journal

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Discover Yourself: Keep a Journal

JANET BRIGHAM, Ensign, Dec 1980, 57

Nearly everywhere Al ODell goes, it goes. It went in the car when he

and some buddies drove to California. It went on the airplaneseveral months later when he went on his mission. It was severalbulging volumes thicker when he was released two years later. And

as the ensuing months and years bring new ideas and new people,it grows with him.

Like many who keep a journal, Al finds that his journal is morethan a record, although its an important record. And its more thana sounding board, although its that too. Its even more than arecord for his posterity; its history for the sake of the author as

well as the reader.He feels an urge to write that comes from withinan urge to

express, to understand, to improve, to establish the validity of hisexperiences and his existence. When he sits at his typewriter tocrash out a few quick pages or when he spends a quiet hour on aSunday to catch up on the last few days, he is spending valuabletime with himself, listening to himself.

Keeping a journal gives you a chance to let some whisperings

trickle through you from your own spirit, as well as from the Spirit

of the Lord, says Brother M. Gawain Wells, a psychologist with theBrigham Young University Comprehensive Clinic who has beeninterested in the effects of family record-keeping on mental health.

Too many of us listen carefully to others voices and never ourown, he says.

But just what does listening to our own voice do? Those who havestudied journals and journal-keepers concur that it does a lotallof it positive.

I Feel I Must WriteThe act ofwriting in a journal can help a person dealwith emotionalpressures. Some people who dont intend to keep journalsand

some who dont even want tofind themselves writing as they tryto cope with difficulties. Christian theologian C. S. Lewis didnteven approve of the journal he spontaneously kept following the


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death of his wife, Helen Joy Lewis. But those notebooks became hisemotional salvation as he recorded his struggles with grief.(Published first under a pseudonym and then under his own name,the journals were entitled A Grief Observed. Others coping withgrief have treasured Lewiss record.)

Keeping a journal can have what psychologists call postmortemeffect, Brother Wells says. After the emotion is gone from a difficultsituation, a person can go back to the situation, see whathappened, and see what might have been a better way to handle it.

Writing can help you express some of the emotionsuntil you canlet go of the feelings, learn from the experience, and considerappropriate alternatives.

A person coping with grief over the loss of a loved one, for example,

may need to let himself down into the situation until its workedout, until he can emotionally part with the person, Brother Wellssays.

Grief, loneliness, and isolation are common themes in manyjournals, even though the journal-keepers also write of joy andexultation. Elouise M. Bell, assistant professor of English at BYU,studied womens journals intensively in 1979 as a participant in aModern Language Association conference. 1 One of the things Ihave discoveredand it is not an original discovery with meis

that women sometimes keep journals because theyre lonely, shesays.

Writing a journal is the first step in identifying that loneliness. Ithink many women who are lonely dont really identify it as such.

They know they are vaguely unhappy and they have problems intheir lives, but they dont identify that particular problem as one of

isolation.

When you start writing, you start identifying these things. I think

that first step of identifying is half the journey to the solution. You

start communicating in your journal and then you are on your wayto communicating with other people.

Whatever the need behind the impulse, many write simply becausethey feel they must. And they feel better for having done it.

A full-time missionarywhose girlfriend just informed him of herplansto marry someone else:Im writing about an experience I had last


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night so I can get it totally off my mind. Thank goodness for thisjournal! I can transfer things directly from my mind to this paper,and theyll never bother me again.

Alice James, sisterof psychologist William James and authorHenry

James, journal entryof 31 May1889:I think that if I get into thehabit of writing a bit about what happens, or rather doesnthappen, I may lose a little of the sense of loneliness and desolationwhich abides with me. It may bring relief as an outlet to thatgeyser of emotions, sensations, speculations and reflections whichferments perpetually within my poor old carcass for its sins; sohere goes, my first Journal! 2

Anne MorrowLindbergh, wife of aviatorCharles Lindbergh, journalentryof 13 May1941:Tonight Charles comes back and I feel I

must write down before I get involved in life again what I have felt

in these two weeks he has been awaywhat I have learned with thelid of life taken off me for a brief spell. For when he comes back andI again care passionately from day to day what happens, when I goup and down with the events, with the newspapers, with life itselfthen I shall no longer see clearly. That is the trouble with lifetheessential conflict between seeing and being, between mortalityand eternity. The two pull in opposite directions and one must try

to harness them both. 3

A thirteen-year-old deaconwho had justreceived his first journal as a

Christmas present:Hey Brother, I need someone to talk to, toexpress my feelings to, and guess who was nominated. Mom anddad have gotten devorsed and dad has remarried. My step-mother is ok, I guess. I do have kind of a hatred towards her

because she took dad from our house. We played racquet ballyesterday. Dad said hed get me a racquet ball racquet topractice with. He doesnt have to because I love him very much.

C. S. Lewis, Christian apologist, journal entries following the death ofhiswife, Helen JoyLewis:What would H. herself think of this

terrible little notebook to which I come back and back? Are thesejottings morbid? I not only live each endless day in grief, but liveeach day thinking about living each day in grief. Do these notesmerely aggravate that side of it? Merely confirm the monotonous,

treadmill march of the mind round one subject? But what am I todo? I must have some drug, and reading isnt a strong enough drugnow. By writing it all down (all?no: one thought in a hundred) I


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believe I get a little outside it. In so far as this record was adefence against total collapse, a safety-valve, it has done somegood. 4

Sophie Tolstoy, wife of Russian authorLeo Tolstoy, journal entryof

25 February1865:I am so often left alone with my thoughts thatthe desire to write my diary is quite natural. I sometimes feeldepressed, but now it seems wonderful to be able to thinkeverything over for myself, without having to say anything about itto other people. 5

Awoman pen-named Martha Martin, whowas isolated byanavalanche in Alaska, undated journal entry from the 1920s:I can

hardly write, but I must. For two reasons. First I am afraid I maynever live to tell my story, and second, I must do something to keepmy sanity. 6

RESOLVED:

A journal can also be a tool for self-evaluation and self-improvement.We examine our lives as we come to know ourselves through our

journals, says Sister Bell. Even if you take your journal and goback a year, you learn things about yourself you didnt know at thetime. You understand things about yourself. In knowledge beginsreal freedom of the soul and the spirit, and a real chance to be allthat we can be and all that we should be.

But a question frequently arises: how honest should I be inrecording events and feelings?

I believe in honest journals and in locks and keys, says SisterBell. If you are worried about another reading your record withoutpermission, make provision. Keep it well locked away.

Which is not to say that every bad thought must be recorded.President Spencer W. Kimball suggests writing truthfully withoutwhitewashing vices or accentuating the negative. The truth should

be told, but we should not emphasize the negative, he says.

It is crucial that we not judge ourselves too ruthlessly, Sister Bellsaysthat we not run from self-investigation for fear that we mightfind out we dont fit a certain pattern.

The truth is that we are all individuals; we are all uniqueandisnt it wonderful! There is enormous diversity in the Church, and it


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is marvelous. We ought to celebrate it, not stifle it. That diversityonly flowers in self knowledge.

Some use a journal for setting priorities, analyzing circumstances,and even making promises to themselves and to the Lord. As they

do, they have a permanent reminder of what and who they arebecoming.

Louisa MayAlcott, author, journal entry from 1843, when shewastenyears old:a sample OF OUR LESSONS. What virtues do you

wish more of? asks Mr. L. I answer:Patience, Obedience,Industry, Love, Generosity, Respect, Silence, Perseverance, Self-denial.

What vices less of? Idleness, Impatience, Selfishness, Wilfulness,Impudence, Activity, Vanity, Pride, Love of cats. 7

ElderHugh B. Brown of the Quorum of the Twelve, journal entry from

1 July1925, when hewas serving as a major in the Canadian Army:dominion Day at Cardston, where a monument was unveiled inmemory of the noble men who gave their lives for their country. Igave an address at the unveiling ceremonies, which was somewhatdifficult on account of the feelings of some of the people occasionedby my own untimely return from overseas. Many who had criticizedme and who had believed me to be a coward were present. Butmore than this did I feel the influence of those whom we had met to

honor. To them I owe no apology. They, if they could speak, couldonly testify that my conduct towards the men under my commandwas fair and just and I would have gladly accompanied them to thefront lines if it could have been. I often felt inclined to retaliateand heap coals of fire on the heads of those who were responsiblefor my seeming ignominy. Surely Victor Hugo must have sufferedto be able to say so well what I have so often thought, viz.: Unjust

criticism and burning blushes of shame, that terrible andadmirable crucible into which nature casts a man when she wouldmake a demon or a demi-God, from it the weak come forth

infamous, the strong sublime. Thank God for our adversities. 8

A Latter-daySaint fifth-graderwho had a crush on a boynamed Bobwhowasrunning for student bodypresident:In orchestra, I sit

behind Bob, and when I got lost he turned around and said,beginning of 3, then later he said beginning of 4, then beginning of5. At the end I said, end of 5. He turned around and laughed. I

voted for Ernie and Cheryl. I should have voted for Bob, but I


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didnt.

Jonathan Edwards, Congregational theologian, journal entry from 22September1723, when hewas nineteenyears old:I observe thatold men seldom have any advantage of new discoveries, because

they are beside the way of thinking, to which they have been solong used. Resolved, if ever I live to years, that I will be impartial tohear the reasons of all pretended discoveries, and receive them ifrational, how long soever I have been used to another way ofthinking. My time is so short, that I have not time to perfect myselfin all studies: Wherefore resolved, to omit and put off, all but themost important and needful studies. 9

You Can See the Hand of the Lord in

Your LifeSacred experiences gain validity by being recorded. Any experienceassumes perspective. And seen over a period of years, a liferecorded day by day and page by page assumes pattern andpurpose. A journal thus becomes avehicle for seeing Godsinteractionwith us.

It helps you get closer in touch with the Lords time frame, whenyou can read your own intimate history over a period of monthsrather than days, says Bishop Wells. Patterns emerge, and you

can see more clearly the hand of the Lord in your life. You can seehow he has helped you and answered some prayers by events, notrevelations, in a quiet way that escaped you in the press ofcircumstances.

A truthful portrayal of the challenges and conquerings of life canhelp the writer in the future. He can see how varied and rich his life

has been, how the Lord has blessed him, how his strength hasgrown, and how his knowledge of the Lords love for him hasincreased.

A single law student in herearly thirties:Tonight I was readingJoseph Smiths description of the character and attributes of Godand suddenly those words werent just lists of adjectives about

some faraway being, beyond understanding. They were descriptionsof a person who is actuallymyFather. I believed in his love for me.

I felt it. It was a physical sensation that made tears come andbreathing stop for a moment. I believed that he was everlasting


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(though I dont understand it). I believed that, being his daughter, Iwas worthy of his mercy and patience and longsuffering and love.And I had to talk with him. As I prayed, I realized that I had never

understood nor accepted Gods love for me in this way before. Apersonal, specific, fatherly love, reaching into my very apartment,

my very bedroom.

And with this knowledge of my Heavenly Father as a person, with apersonality, a person who can be hurt or happy about what I do, Iwant so much to please him, to make him proud of me, to be ableto come to him unashamed. He is my Father, my adviser, myfriend. I want to do his will.

Hosea Stout, Mormon pioneer, journal entry from 13 February1846:About ten oclock I went in company with Br John D. Lee to thecamp on Sugar Creek. This was near to the place where I lived atthe time my wife (Surmantha) died and was the place of many amournful hour to me in days gone by, when by her death I wasdeprived of the last bosom friend which I then had on earth inwhom I could implicity confide. On our way to the camp I passed byher grave which was near to the road. I found the paling still roundit which I put there seven years ago as a last token of respect dueto her untill the first resurrection, not dreaming of the plan of

redemption which was so soon to be revealed through the nowmartyred prophet Joseph. When I left this place [at the time ofher death] I went disconsolate and alone, mourning her untimelydeath and my own lonesome condition. But I went to Nauvoo tokeep the commandments of God and my history from that time tothis will show the scenes of peril and want which I went through toroll forth the kingdom. Then I was alone and but little know[n] to

my brethren & to [the] prophet. But a succession of dangerous &continual scene & of a life devoted to this kingdom hasbrought me to where I am.

These things came flitting across my mind when I approached hergrave and the land so full of gone by reflections. And I exclaimed in

my mind O Lord keep me in the way I should go that my exaltationmay be shore. 10

President SpencerW. Kimball, journal entry from July1951:I might

hope that my children will take from my many journals and write asimple story or biography for me. I would like for my posterity toremember me and to know that I have tried so hard to measure up


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and to live worthy. 11

References

1. A text of Elouise M. Bells remarks on journal-keeping is

published in Blueprints forLiving: Perspectives forLatter-daySaintWomen, vol. 2 (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University Press,

1980).

2. Alice James, The Diaryof Alice James, Leon Edel, ed. (New York:Dodd, Mead & Co., 1964), quoted in Diaries of Women, Mary Jane

Moffat and Charlotte Painter, eds. (New York: Vintage Books, 1975),p. 194.

3. Anne Morrow Lindbergh, WarWithin and Without(New York:

Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1980), p. 182.

4. C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed(London: Faber and Faber, 1966),pp. 12, 47.

5. Sophie Tolstoy, The Diaryof Tolstoys Wife, 18601891, trans. byAlexander Werth (London: Victor Gollancz, Ltd., 1928), quoted inRevelations: Diaries of Women, p. 142.

6. Martha Martin, O Rugged Land of God(New York: The MacmillanCo., 1952), quoted in Revelations: Diaries of Women, p. 301.

7. Louisa May Alcott, Louisa MayAlcott, HerLife, Letters, andJournals, Ednah D. Cheney, ed. (Boston: Little, Brown, and Co.,1919), quoted in Revelations: Diaries of Women, p. 32.

8. Hugh B. Brown, quoted in Eugene E. Campbell and Richard D.Poll, Hugh B. Brown: His Life and Thought(Salt Lake City:

Bookcraft, 1975), p. 74.

9. Jonathan Edwards, The Works of President Edwards, vol. 1 (New

York: G & C & H Carviii, 1830), p. 94.

10. Hosea Stout, quoted in On the Mormon Frontier: The DiaryofHosea Stout, Juanita Brooks, ed., 2 vols. (Salt Lake City: University

of Utah Press, 1964), p. 122.

11. Edward L. Kimball and Andrew E. Kimball, Jr., SpencerW.Kimball(Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1977), p. 271.


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About the Author

Janet Brigham, assistant manager of press relations in the PublicCommunications Department of the Church, teaches SundaySchool in her Granger, Utah, ward.

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