diary of mental man

MENTAL MAN DAIRIES Short stories

Written by: Ahmed Hassan

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DEAR ALL NOT EVERYTHING I AM WRITING HERE

ABOUT ME ..I SAY WHAT I HEARD OR SAW MAY BE

SONG I HEARD AND THEN I START TO IMAGE A

STORY ...SO PLEASE NOT DO TAKE IT PERSONALLY

IT IS JUST A FLEW OF IDEAS AND FEELING AND

SOMETIMES ALL OF US PASS IT AND FEEL IT.

my Thoughts

Ahmed Hassan

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I N T R O D U C T I O N

I am not a writer or anything to write a book but I decide to write a short stories to tell about some situations and cases I saw and found during my journey (Spiritual Journey ) and people I meet and stories I heard and I would like to share it with you all...most of this stories not belong to true people and names and situations not exist but I saw something similar or word I hear fire my imagination to create some of this stories. So hope you will like it and hope it will be as first Facebook's book

Ahmed Hassan (Mental man Dairy)

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T H E G U R U

I am a girl actually I am a woman and I had a lot of failure relationships and almost my heart broken and I can not heal anything ..may be my female feeling inside me can not feel it any more ..I try everything Traveling , Drinking and social work even if drugs but all end with the same result which is the unsecured feeling and lick of happiness and feeling that my life and my age getting older and I have nothing in my hands until one of my friends and he is my true friend and I feel safe with him . He advise me to travel

with him to some where around the world .so I agree and we start our journey and there . All was ok however I was still not that wow but he was caring about me all the time and same time I feel more free until I saw that old man . He had a sharp eyes and skin body and his beard white and his is dark skin and everyone respect him however he look so poor ..I asked who is that man , People said he is our Guru the white spirit and old wisdom ..honestly I did not believe about spiritual; stuff because my way of growing up in machine time but I said ok and keep walking but he jumps and stops front of me and looks to me and said some words i did not have any idea what does it means ..so one

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of his followers who can speaks my language translate and said that ( You are broken ...you are looking for some thing..You want to get your woman back to you) ..really I was shocked but my mind stopped for those words but sametime I start to think may be it is a game so I said that is smart but the answer if he is really holy he can give me the answer...So the translator said what I told him and the Old man smile and smile then he laugh at me and point to my eyes and said that ( what we have in our hands always the last thing we looking for however it is our fate and what belong to us) and that was his answered plus he said to me that your problem is that you do not see but you search for. and he left me and goes as he is vanished ...I back and those words were in my head and all my life played as a flash back movie in my head and I found front of me one person he was all the time with me and support , accept me as I am , accept me when I shit on him for no reason and never leave me for years he is there and now and he is single till now and I am never asked him why because all the time it was me and my feeling and my emotions that one is my traveling partner ..I go to him and said I have a question for you why you are all this time you are single ...His answered was so simple because you I love you and I tried but each time you push me with something which makes me stop and not talk so I decide to be a friend and protector for you and be with you until you find what you looking for and your happiness and that is my happiness ...I was cried and cried and I know I was blind with all my stuff and looking for happiness however it was all the time with me. Now the question how you can see the end of this story?

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T H E M I R R O R

Wake up every morning and check myself at the mirror , observing my face and my body ..I used to do that since I was a little girl ..yes I have a wonderful body and nice pretty face but sometimes I wake up and scare to look at this mirror because when I look so clear and listen to it, It tells me one question which is (One day passed and today is new one and will pass too so are you happy?) I try to ignore this voice and really I start to get a new mirror more newer and more clear ....However the new one does the

same like old one...So I said to myself I do not care .I am strong woman, I am independent , I make what I want and for sure I know what I need and I am spiritual too..but the voice said to me that (Really ..you are ..are you sure? ) the mirror looks like listen to me and watching me ...I run to another room and stay on my seat but I found another mirror there and keep asking again same question it is look like all mirrors connected together and be all one and try to investigate me ...No No I will not tell or answer , I will answer when I want to be I am free I am strong , I am able to do more , I am...I am... then I start to say I am and did not found the word after I am because

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I felt so empty ...for years i repeat all those words about me and I am really not that I am weak, I need to feel safe , I need my secure ..really who am I? and now the Mirror voice stop ..I try to listen but no voice ...that voice was not the mirror but it was my inner voice my own voice the one inside me what I keep it away for long time until I forgot her and about her . I could be with healer or 1000 healer and do what I can but if I did not listen to my inner voice and my inner healer so no one can help because the healing will start from me first...and first healing step is listen to my own inner my own self which I captured her inside me for a years under my frame of how I am look like and how strong I am. Finally what I can say ( Start with yourself and connect with it before you walk a miles without any direction and follow without listening ...life is easy and we can be ourselves if we really want to helo ourselves)

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M E , H I M & M Y S E L F

The question is how to be two persons in one ..look like a shampoo 2X1 shampoo and balsam but actually the problem will be is that you will be unconscious 3 persons not 2 ..because you will be the person you want to able to deal with place where you live and the 2nd person you want to deal with the place you belong too and in the middle the 3rd one which should be who you are..that is if you can found him really in all those chaos between the 2 characters....Someone will asked me so why you do that...and the

one who ask for sure has his own problems and characters inside him but as usual we love to ask and know why and forget ourselves but anyway I will tell you curious one. My story is so simple I born from mother from different culture and father from totally different one but my mother culture did not accept me because my colour no worries and my father culture did you accept me because I am foreigner so..for years I lost in middle and to be fit to where I am live I try to be more local but since I back home I

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try more foreigner until one day I ask myself where I am and what I am ? may be I am ET however he knows where he came from ..and what really I feel ..I became in first stage as a rebel refuse both cultures then I play the game to be with both and finally after all those years and when I am in middle of my age I scream and decide to be what I am belong to what I love and follow what I want with respect for both and there I found no need for him & myself just me take it as it is or leave it as it is.

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T H E S O L D I E R

Hire me to save the world and that is my mission , I have orders and I must do , brain wash happened but something inside me refuse ..each one I killed my people clapping for me and more respect I have because I saved the world from bad guys ..and in movies they show us as hero and saver and a lot of others hate us and want us to die because they saw us as enemies ....But now I want to tell you the truth , what i see myself ..I am a killer full of sin , takes what god gives without ask why because it is

orders I want to run away , the images of all people I killed however if they are bad or not in my head the last look , the last word and last scream ..why I kill them for nothing and may be one day I will be in their shows killed by someone because order..but me and them and everyone hold the gun and killed ..he feel scare , I scare and I want to run , I think 10000000 times before I shout, it could be all comes in one second but it is life time second..I think why and what if and wish if I missed but if I will not someone will do it for me and shout me too...I remember that little boy 12 years old holding the gun too front

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of me the whole world freeze and just me and him he was scared and me too we thinking and my hand was really cold and my heart beating so fast ..he do not know what to do and want to run and me too but his boss there ordered him and my boss saying shout , kill him save us ....The situation finish with big sound I found me and him flying because the bomb someone hit from which side we do not know and he is between my hand and I am on him our blood mixed and our lives ended ..the last word I hear when he says that I swear i would not kill you and I was saying the same and then all sound stopped for me and for him.

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F R E A K H E A L E R As you want to follow your heart ..you need to let your mind works too so you can balance....This is a words I am always mentioned for myself to can be spiritual but grounded and that is my bless and curse in sometime any way...in one of my traveling someone advise me to visit a holy and great healer so I said it is ok and I would love to do it.... Next day morning one of my friend takes me to that village where she lives , and then he stopped from of house where this old woman setting out side .

She is over 70 something ..very old face and sharp eyes however I think she need to wash her face too but it is ok I want to wash my face too so we are equal and she is really small ..I felt like I am a titan next to her but this small woman looks like a god for whole village .... She stand up and looked at me and point to me to come in with a very kind and lovely way ..so I followed her to inside the house, when I came inside this house my mouth opened because it was not a simple village house . It was full of every thing and electronic stuff ..she take me to room and turn the music from the CD player ...I do

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not have a CD Player at my home and start to telling me that: Healer: My son how is your heart ..I feel it Me: Yes you are right how you know My Mind: Dude we all have a heart problems My Heart: I think your mind is right but follow the light she is saver. Healer: So if you have a problem please send all your problem to me and I will solve it for you and heal you Me: really I am really thank you for that Mind: Hey Dude are you crazy if you pass all your problem to her so why I am here and why you are exist and why god give me as a gift for you. heart: wait wait mind let's try may be she is I can see the li.....wait Mind you are right my problem I am the reason for it so why I pass it to her. Me: shit up both of you she is holy ..may be she can hear us. Healer: I know what you think about. Me, My mind and my heart: OMG she knows healer: the answer in this bag ..smoke this and this holy smoke will pure your soul... Me : what I am smoking all the time but anyway It is ok Healer: It will costs you 300 USD nothing more and come after one week and you will see. My heart: finally you found the answer but what is the answer and what was the question. My mind: that is fucking drugs dump she plays with you Me: shit up both she is really holy and I put my hand in my wallet and pay the price and in my way out

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me and my friend and walk we found a police men are coming ....I ask what is up my friend said that: she is holy even if the policemen asked her about some cases... I said wow Funny thing one minutes she was out with them and they arrested her because she is a drug dealer and take this way as cover and what she sale it for me is drugs wow.. and I look to my friend and said they are arrested her so his answer was because they need her for important case she is holy...I look at him and laugh because some people really did not want see the truth and believe the only truth they create and follow this one in the name of spirituality and light and people follow them

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H A L F C A S E

Half Case is stage we be in during our relationship and some able to pass it and success and some ended the relationship ; The conversation will be between you and yourself like that: I wish if I know why i did not love you like before and wish to know the feeling inside me start to change..I start to feel not comfortable with you or safe and i think he feels the same...a lot of things in our relation became so boring and we start to run away from each other not as before run for you and we challenging

ourselves and each other ..something really precious we lost some how some where I want to know why we did not have same Patience and the distance became more and more and a lot of the thing stopped ...Do you remember first time I see you and meet you and I felt I start my life and reborn again and we promised to be in heaven for ever but suddenly however I am with you I feel i am totally away from you....I think we all had this conversation . But again some say it to the partner and start to work together and

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some be in the half case want to be just a friend and inside each of them still have something

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T H E C E L L

He is so organized person , whole his life everything must be schedule ..years and years his day is the same no changing ..wake up at 6 o'clock ,,,then go to toilet using same tooth brash same brand and then breakfast start with hot tea then cheese and bread and finish with juice..7:15 exactly he is out of the house going to his work ..start work at 8 and stay in his office not moving until lunch time and then back to work no chat not words with anyone then 5 o'clock he is out back home .7 o'clock dinner again cheese

and bread and finish with milk and at 9 he is sleeping in his bed...almost 30 years he is like that even if when he was kid he was the same and alone ..everything is not allow and his vacation he is at home reading old news paper because he do not want to be involve in anything ..TV not allow , air-condition not allow , CD player not allow , songs not allow he made a big list for lot of thing not allow including women or the fair sex anything will make a problem for him or let him involved in anything it is not allow ,,believe it or not even if the color for his clothes he limit it too ..Just black , blue and gray ..his neighbors not talk with them and his family just a seasonal visit and for 20 minutes ....until that day he walk as usual and his face on

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ground not looking up because may be some one will look at him so he will be involved in something but that day was really strange day ...spring day in April in mid day and he was walking because it is vacation and the strange thing he decide to get out not as usual but sometimes things happened for a reason and while he is walking his noise could not resist this smell ..like a young virgin flower smell moves directly to his noise and push his eyes softly to look and move his head up from the ground but he is resisting as usual he is training for that for years it is not allow but the smell moves more and more inside his noise to his chest and his heart and whole his body all those things what he feels takes only 2 minutes ...then he collapsed can not resist and he looks then the colors what he used to see all his life Black, blue, gray change for new colors first time he saw and realize it the blond color for hair the white soft skin and the smell which adding the pink and red color in her face ..the color for the eyes her eyes which change according to her dress once be blue and once be green and her simple shirt the white color with the simple black skirt which show her legs and simple shoes ..OMG OMG what is going on that mountain for 2 minutes melted and can not move his eyes she is front of him and now she walks next to him crossing shoulders his and her shoulders which look like magnetic field of energy made a lot of waves ..he was looking and normal she looked to him too and show a simple soft smile and then she kept walking in her own way ...he was back to his home and whole this image can not moved from his head and he do not know why and what happened and who is she ........

To be continue

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T H E M A G I C I A N

.

When I was 13 years old I remember my neighbor...that man he used to live front of us ...for me he was look like a star and actually everyone look at him as a star specially the women I remember when he used to walk going to his work all women used to look and watch him ..which look like all of them want him ...He was tall man really a man and so clean and dress well ..deal as a real gentle man ..I used to watch him from my balcony when he drinks his coffee and smoke his cigarette ..I am a smoker and know how is the

smoke effects the smell but when you walk next to him he smell so good and even the smoke mix with his perfume which make you like to be smoker ....I was watching him and never talk with him until one day he was walking in the street and I was there and I saw him so I smile (you know the idiot smile when you see one of the superstars) it was like this smile so he came and say hi and asked me what is your name so i told him and since this time I start to be a little friend for him and he became my life master .....That man as you can call him the casanova of 20th century ...he knows the key for most of the women or we can say he is smart to attract them and know the key to

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start the conversation with them and always he is with someone new ...for long time I saw how people be with him look at him and admire him...He is so educated knows a lot talk in everything and with everyone .....but what is his story where he came from ,,this part none knows ..when I used to go to his flat and visit him I realize something there is one room locked and never be opened and when i grow up and used to sleep over at his flat ..I saw that he goes to this room and stay for long time alone and then get out and close it ..so I asked him why you close this room he look at me and said in this room where I am belong and it is only my true part so I love to keep it away ..people believe in what they saw but the hidden truth or what is inside you not everyone can see and there where is me..anyway may be one day you can see what is there. Since this time I called him the magician because he was great to charm anyone and everyone..but for years and years I was wish to know what inside this room but life changes and i traveled and left the area and do not know anything about him until the time I return back home and then decide to see my old master ....when I ask about him they told me he dead from 2 years ago and he left everything to someone called Ahmed ..so i realize he left his truth with me ...what he left was this flat and key...first thing I did i want to the flat and open this room ..I found there a big photo for him with woman both swimming in lack ...and on his desk another photo for this woman too and old laptop when I turned on was her photo again and a black notebook I open it for the first 33 pages it was empty and start from page 34 I write a date and the story for her and him and then the rest of the note book was empty too I read it and read it and I found that big Casanova ...he was trying to hide himself with all what people saw and believe however his true love and his only love for this woman was the only truth none see or understand and that is why he keep it away to keep the only truth not spoiled or vanished.

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T H E D R E A M

First I would like to thank Evelyne Scerbo because with the video what she posted about attracting the positive thoughts but because it was by Arabic so I decide to write about it ... In religion God says that( I am always with you and O am always as you think about me so always trust me and thing good in me and in what gift and abilities I give it to you) ....A lot of people said I did not like that I did not like this why me and why and why and spend all the life for ask questions and in same time repeat

same situations and same action and think it is the Karma and think really with all the negative things and to be in Same Circle ....Now I would like to say something: First of all what you have it is not Karma at all..It is our choice and our mind because we do not want to learn or try to change and we use the situations and circumstances as a reasons for what happened and our deeds. second thing what we think about it is transferred to be energy sent to

https://www.facebook.com/evelinascerbo

https://www.facebook.com/evelinascerbo

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the others and if it positive so it is make a positive energy and look like magmatic attracts the good thoughts and change the negative energy even if for the person front of you and his mood but with negative energy it did the same but with opposite way...For example if you go for attend an interview and you scare and image it is hard and you will not pass it this energy transfer like magmatic and send to the one who making the interview for you and he understand and feel you are scare and you are not qualified even if you are not but it is . From my person experience however it is not that great journey but simple when i have my dream and believe about it and think good and believe in myself and before in God ...all things happened even if the hardest thing and situation I accept and see it with different point view as new experience and learn from it and keep going . I swear it is not hard but life look like a glass of water half full and half empty do not look only to full part or only to empty part but see both parts and then you will make the balance and be able to not repeat the mistakes and not say it is Karma or my fate..because we make exactly what we want and our dreams not hard because who create it is us so who can make it is us too. Keep dreaming but try to believe and make it true.

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W A I T I N G

Word we face it and we have it everyday however life is so easy and we know and say sometimes that why we wait or advise someone to not wait or convince ourselves to not wait after all of that we forgot one thing waiting is one of the life law and we will not be able to resist it however in deep of ourselves we enjoy it because the fire and burning inside us and our imagination what if what we wait for will became true...and we do not know

really that to come to this world we wait and our parents wait too, to be as you are you wait for a time till you get what you have, you enjoy waiting for someone hide from you however sometimes it can kill you but you still enjoy and with simple image or word you can contact with him again whole waiting and burning gone like the wind while it is cleaning the shore to make it pure again and then the waiting renew again until second time you can be contact again ...it is one of life law and fact whatever we can say try to stop it sorry we can not so what can not stop it enjoy it and see the bright side on it and the funny thing during waiting you create a 1000 of excuses for the one you are waiting for however could be none of all this reasons is the true reason but you still enjoy it to not lose the hope or contact really how is the life so strange and funny and full of everything but try to be smarter and enjoy the bright part as much as you can.....love you all and I am enjoy waiting whatever it is even if it will not come but waiting is full of fun

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