december 2014 issue — it's time to step up and take charge

ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL IX ISSUE 02 DECEMBER 2014 `100

Winner of theMedscape India

award 2012

End the powerstrugglesp38

Heard of inverted gardens?p58

Sleep like a buddhap64

Claim your power to change things

IT’S TIME TOSTEP UP AND

TAKE CHARGEp24

infinitemanoj

ManojKhatri

Manoj [email protected]

Editor’s insights

02 DECEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 02 COMPLETE WELLBEING

O pen the newspaper and you fi nd it all over. Turn on the 9 o’clock

news, and there it is again. Log on to social networking sites and once

again you fi nd it in all its pervasive glory. The ‘it’ that I refer to is our

collective tendency of blaming and pointing fi ngers at others. From

politicians to journalists, to the common man on the street—we have

become experts at complaining about the state of our aff airs. All we do is react,

blame and wait for someone else to take the initiative. This is not just a social

phenomenon—passively blaming others is a disease that affl icts our workplaces,

our communities, our homes and our relationships. Wherever two or more

people assemble, there is high likelihood that sooner or later, you will also fi nd

blame being cast, unless someone takes responsibility.

The word ‘responsibility’ seems loaded and for many of us it has a negative

connotation, implying burden. Responsibility however, is only a burden for

passive people, who have lost their ability to respond to life—which is what the

word responsibility literally means: the ability to respond.

In his play Mrs. Warren’s Profession, George Bernard Shaw said, “People

are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in

circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up

and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t fi nd them, make

them.” Shaw is describing his ability to respond to his circumstances.

Like Shaw, we too can take responsibility of our lives and our world, and

helping us get started is bestselling author John Izzo in this month’s cover story,

Step Up and Take Charge.

Izzo tells us that when even one of us takes responsibility, stepping up to do

what we can, everything gets be er: our marriages, our careers, our lives, our

companies, and our world. Life becomes more fun and more rewarding. “Seeing

ourselves as responsible and powerful to change things is a game changer in the

deepest sense,” Izzo says. Using examples of real people in real situations, he

convinces us of the power of one individual to eff ect real change.

“With great power comes great responsibility,” says Peter Parker in

Spiderman. It’s a profound thought. But the reverse is also equally true: with

great responsibility comes great power—the power to change our lives and our

world and make it a li le bit be er.

Let’s begin with the one we see in the mirror.

Not a burden

When even one of us takes responsibility, stepping up to do what we can, everything gets be er

RESOLVE >>Relationships38 End the power struggles

By Marita Nazareth

Sleep64 Sleep like Buddha did

By Joseph Emet

Self-help66 Take that first step

By Nicole Paulie

EDITOR & PUBLISHER | Manoj Khatri

CONSULTING EDITOR | Dr Grazilia Almeida-Khatri

SR COPY EDITOR & FEATURES WRITER | Wynrica Gonsalves

EDITORIAL COORDINATOR | Joycelin Sequeira

ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR | Amit Amdekar

SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel

EDITORIAL OFFICE502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 E-mail: [email protected]

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CONSULTANT | Rahul Baji

ADVERTISING SALES | M ShankarE-mail: [email protected]

BULK SUBSCRIPTIONSCall: 022-6742 0900SMS: ‘CW BULK’ to 7738387787E-mail: [email protected]: 022-6742 0900SMS: ‘CW SUB’ to 7738387787E-mail: [email protected]

PRINTED AT | Rajhans Enterprises

PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134,4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 Editor: Manoj Khatri

© Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd.,All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, in print, electronic or any other form, is strictly prohibited.

DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is dedicated to providing useful, well-researched information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its contents are not intended to provide medical advice/diagnosis for individual problems or circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Readers are advised to always consult their physician/healthcare professional/therapist, prior to starting any new remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or with any questions they may have regarding a medical/health condition.

The views expressed by writers are their own and do not necessarily refl ect the views of the editor, publisher, or Complete Wellbeing.

Using masculine pronouns ‘he’, ‘him’ or ‘his’ for subjects of unknown gender is considered prejudicial. We respect both genders and hence use feminine and masculine pronouns interchangeably.

Complete Wellbeing is not responsible foradvertising claims.

Vol IX Issue 02 DEC 2014www.completewellbeing.com

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SUMMARY/CompleteWellbeing /StayWell

O F C O N T E N T S

24

TRENDING THIS MONTH >>

Responsibility changes everythingBy John Izzo

Mind & emotions34 Compassion fatigue

By Susanne Babbel

Health & vitality82 Ear pain

By Ravikiran Vernekar

Personal care84 Care for your skin in winter

By Jaishree Sharad

MANAGE >>

COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL IX ISSUE 02 DECEMBER 2014 03

10 Talkback

12 Events

16 Write notes

18 Happy happenings

37 Month freshener

46 Culture club

52 CW Select

70 Confession booth

96 New kits on the block

98 Reflections

REGULARS >>

UNLEARN >>Money matters78 How emotions influence our

decisions about moneyBy Kate Levinson

UNWIND >>Humour74 The end of conversation

By Sahil Shah

TRANSFORM >>Consciousness88 What is holiness?

By OshoEXPLORE >>Food & nutrition42 Recipes for diabetics

By Michael Swamy

Living Spaces54 Feng Shui for children’s

bedroomsBy Anand Bhardwaj

Perspective76 Yoga in your work life

By Georg & Brenda Feuerstein

Travel92 Romancing in Hong Kong

By Sathya Saran

DECIDE >>Parenting48 Why you should encourage

your kids to have more friendsBy Gaurai Uddanwadikar


DISCOVER >>Living spaces58 The magic of inverted

gardeningBy Shaan Lalwani

Mind & emotions90 Access Bars

By Ashish Narayankar

76

48 88

December 2014

MY NOTE

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MONTH FRESHENERInfuse life into your days

ww

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etew

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eing

.com

International Anti-corruption Day Raise your voice if you spot anyone giving or accepting a bribe.

Make your own music—write a song and give it your own tune.

Pamper yourself—blend some oil, sugar and rose petals in a blender to create a homemade body scrub.

National Energy Conservation Day Switch off any electronic gadgets when they are not in use.

If you’re bored of the plain walls in your room, channel your inner artist and decorate them with your own paintings.

Take a few colourful paperclips and prepare Christmas-themed bookmarks for your friends.

Vegetable art is a great way to reuse vegetable scraps. Try it out and see how creative you can get!

Take your kids for mountain

climbing and watch the sunset

together.

Commemorate your life’s important occasions–create a zany, colourful scrapbook and fill it with photos and memorabilia.

Christmas Spread the joy of

Christmas—visit an orphanage with your family and distribute

gifts to the kids.

World Soil DayPlant a tree for the sake of your children’s future.

World Disability Day People with a disability aren’t different; treat them with respect and dignity.

WED

31New Year’s Eve Usher in the New Year with those that mean the most to you.

Get your friends and family to come together and create a food bank; share your meals with those that need it.

Use public transport for travelling—just a single day of fewer vehicles on the road can make a difference.

Recycle paper or stockings by making flowers out of them.

FRI

19

parentingDecide


FRIENDSHIP… the very word evokes

memories of our best pals, crazy times

in school, pranks in college, group

study sessions, bi er fi ghts, breaking

and making up and lessons learnt. That

is why friendships play such a vital

role in a child’s overall development as

a happy and healthy individual.


Parents are sometimes over-protective of their children and don’t allow them to mingle with other kids. But these early friendships are integral to building relationships that we carry through life

By Gaurai Uddanwadikar

THEIR FIRST

FRIENDS


Types of playIt all begins in early childhood as we sit next

to another child in the sand pit or in the

park. We play alone, seemingly oblivious to

the child next to us, but in reality we mimic

the actions of that child. This is parallel

play, the fi rst step towards socialisation

and friendships. Then comes associative

play followed by cooperative play, which

slowly and surely pushes us towards more

complex interactions with other children and

eventually towards building the deep bonds

that aff ect us to the core.

Eff ective social skill trainers Friendships not only serve to provide chil-

dren with playmates but also teaches them

the larger purpose of social and emotional de-

velopment. Kids learn how to relate to diff er-

ent people through making friends. Interact-

ing with diverse people allows your child to

understand what socially acceptable behav-

iour is and isn’t. Solving problems, weighing

alternative solutions, implementing social

plans and making rules are all skills that a

child learns as he navigates his way through

friendships. He also learns about team spirit,

accountability, social reciprocity, responsibil-

ity towards self and others and loyalty. It is

through friendships and playmates that your

child understands that individuals react dif-

ferently to diff erent situations. He learns that

there are diverse perspectives to a situation

and that unusual situations call upon singu-

larly distinctive ways of dealing with them.

Friendships also encourage healthy com-

petition and foster high achievement goals.

Companionship a survival necessityA child’s self-esteem is inextricably linked

to his peer group. His playmates set the

standard for age appropriate performance

and it is against this standard that the child

measures himself. His friends help him cope

with diffi cult times like parents’ divorce,

illness, academic disappointments as well as

supporting him through the transition phases

of adolescence.

Research shows that children with friends

have a healthier sense of self, higher levels

of self-confi dence and greater feelings of

wellbeing. They fare be er academically

and have be er social skills when compared

to children with few or no friends. Lack

of friends or rejection by peers can cause

signifi cant amounts of distress and even lead

to childhood depression.

Friendships are an important factor for the

healthy psychological development of a child.

Friendships serve a purpose that is diff er-

ent and complementary to the one served by

family. Family gives one a sense of belonging,

satisfi es some of our biological needs and

gives us a sense of intimacy. On the other

hand, friendship is our training ground; it

provides us with the luxury of trial and error

and the cushion to make mistakes before we

venture out into the adult world.

Friendship at diff erent life stagesChildhood friendships are focussed on rudi-

mentary play behaviours and a preference for

certain playmates. Elementary school children

tend to focus on kids with similar likes and

dislikes and become part of groups with those

inherent hallmarks of inclusion/exclusion,

fear of rejection, conformity and independ-

ence. The focus here is on companionship.

But, it is tweens and adolescents that

spend almost a third of their day with friends.

Friendships now become more intimate and a

big part of their identity. Validation, accept-

ance, care and trust are the other features of

friendships at this age. It is at this life stage

that peer friendships infl uence an adolescent

at a deeper level. They can either lead him

towards delinquent behaviour or foster resil-

ience, higher adaptability, confl ict resolution

skills and collaborative learning.

Gaurai Uddanwadikar, is a Harvard Medical School certified counsellor. She heads Counselling India and spends the better part of her day in psychotherapy and counselling.

To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing,send ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787

I remember seeing two children, Anil and

Pritam, both aged 10 years, going through

a tough time adjusting to their new school.

Both had relocated to India recently. Anil and

his parents lived in a retirement-haven neigh-

bourhood, where he had a limited opportuni-

ty to meet kids of his age. Pritam on the other

hand, stayed in an apartment complex and

had a lot of peers in the area. He would meet

them every evening to play.

At the end of six months, Pritam had

adjusted well to his new school and new

surroundings as a result of the friends he

made, while Anil continued to struggle for

a few more months before adapting to his

new routine. Pritam’s friends helped him to

feel at home in his new surroundings, they

had modelled the local lingo and shaped his

school behaviour, thus aiding the process of

Pritam’s se ling down.

Encouraging your childrento build friendshipsAs parents, it is important for us to

understand the value of friendships for our

kids and work towards providing them the

opportunities to socialise and form bonds

with peers. A visit to the neighbourhood

park, organised sport activities, play-dates

and sleepovers can provide your child with

occasions to develop peer a achments.

Se ing clear, acceptable rules for social

behaviours, teaching the child how to deal

with diff erent social situations, coaching

them to deal with negative emotions and

seeking resolution to peer confl icts will

encourage your child to seek out friends and

the essential support system.

Friendships are a handy play resource, an

avenue for fi nding help and trusting care to

your child.

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your fi eld which you sow with love

and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fi reside.

For you come to him with your hunger,

and you seek him for peace.

—Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

The stages of play>> First is solitary play where the

child plays by himself and enjoys discovering new things around him. At this stage however, he does not play with other children.

>> Then comes parallel play, in which the child plays besides another child, sometimes imitating the other child’s actions, but never interacting with him/her.

>> This is followed by associative play where the child often imitates another child playing next to him with minimal interaction in the form of borrowing toys.

>> This is followed by cooperative play which involves interaction, formal organisation and is seen in older children.


SLEEP LIKE THEBUDDHA

sleepResolve

Feel the comfort of your bed. Are you there to enjoy it? Or are you mentally somewhere else, stressing about something that happened during the day, or might happen tomorrow?


By Joseph Emet

WHAT IS THE USUAL WAY you contemplate

the future? Is it with some anxiety? As we

learn to look at tomorrow with a smile, sleep

also smiles at us. We have concerns about our

health, relationships, children and work. But

as we change our a itudes and relax our need

to control everything, those concerns lose their

grip on us, and we can sleep be er at night.

During the day, your mindfulness practice

can bring a sense of contentment, peace and

happiness. At night, these feelings translate

into a relaxed a itude and be er sleep.

As we train that mind to get in touch with

focussed breathing and calm down, restful

sleep becomes a possibility. Mindfulness prac-

tices promote being in our senses over being

in our thoughts, being in the ‘here and now’

over being in the past or the future. You may

be physically present when you are in bed,

but mentally you may be somewhere else.

Even if you lay your body down in a dark,

quiet and comfortable bed, in your mind you

may be going over an acrimonious argument

you had with your teenage son earlier in the

day. But your body does not know the diff er-

ence between an imaginary argument and a

real one; in both cases, it gets worked up and

soon you are more ready for shadow boxing

than for sleeping.

Thoughts don’t come with a switchPerhaps you’ve had nights like this, or know

somebody who does. It is frustrating, because

you want to live an eff ective life; but here

you are, hours are ticking by, and you cannot

bill them to anybody! For some of you, sleep

might be a waste of time, when you could be

doing something more productive.

It is in moments like these that we discover

what a busy place our mind is. This is also

one of the fi rst discoveries that people make

when they start to meditate. The heart beats,

the lungs breathe and the brain thinks—con-

stantly. Thinking goes on all the time; it does

not stop a er we hand in that brilliant re-

search paper, fi nish tutoring our kids, or mail

our income tax. Thinking does not stop when

we go to bed. There is no ‘off ’ bu on.

Some fi rst-timers become overwhelmed

with the sheer volume of their own thoughts.

They fi nd it disagreeable to sit with all that

confusion. Yet, there is no way to avoid or

ignore that initial confusion. Pushing it away

by seeking distractions is self-limiting: the

blockbuster movie is soon over, that gripping

novel ends and guests eventually leave.

Sooner or later we need to face it and fi nd a

way to deal with it.

Take charge of your life witha good night’s sleep onRecron® Certified pillows.

You cannot control sleepCalming the mind is the fi rst step in Vipassana

meditation. Mindfulness makes it possible to

let go, and to abandon yourself to sleep. This

is diff erent from trying to control sleep. There

are some things you can and do control—like

your skeletal muscles, or which way your

car is going when you are behind the wheel.

There are some other things you cannot

control consciously. Sleep is one of them. The

conscious mind may be good at creating the

conditions for sleep, like turning off the light,

pu ing on some so music and so on, but it

has no clue about how to ‘do’ sleep. The ‘doers’

among us may try to control every aspect

to a point where the habit backfi res. This is

where mindfulness helps; it makes us aware

of our habits of mind, our a itudes, and our

thoughts. And awareness is the fi rst step

towards change.

Train your brain to sleepChange happens slowly, but it does happen.

The ability of meditation practice to physi-

cally change the brain has been documented

by neuroscientists. The brain is like plastic

and will change to accommodate the chang-

ing demands that we make on it. In mindful-

ness meditation, we pay a ention intention-

ally—we do not allow ourselves to give in to

automatic thoughts.

In the iconic image of the meditating

Buddha, he was si ing and watering seeds

selectively—he was watering the seeds of

positive mental states. With time and practice,

weeding our thoughts becomes easier to do,

and pays off .

During the day, the people around us, our

work, or even leisure activities occupy our

minds. At night, when these stop, automatic

thinking takes over—unless we off er the

mind something else. This ‘something else’

is what we develop in meditation. It is the

ability to come home to our body… to the

soothing rhythm of our breath. Because we

have been shown the path, we can be certain

that the Buddha was peaceful not only during

the day, but also at night when he lay down

to sleep.

Here are a few suggestions that can help>> A daily period of meditation is important

for calming the mind. In meditation, we

become witnesses of our own thoughts

and feelings. This is diff erent from ‘drown-

ing’ in them. We stay with the breath, and

observe our thoughts.

>> Avoid watching the evening news on TV;

it is usually a run-down of what’s wrong

with the world. At night-time, you need to

contemplate what’s right with the world.

You may wish to mentally go over all the

good things that happened during the day

and give thanks for all the things that you

feel grateful for.

>> If you enjoy reading before going to sleep,

choose something nourishing, not a mys-

tery novel or a horror story.

>> Emails and text messages are best read in

the morning. At bedtime, bad news will

get you upset. Good news will get you

excited. Both these states of mind are not

conducive to sleep.

Meditation has many benefi ts, and be er

sleep is one of them. In most pictures of the

meditating Buddha, he sits on a seat of lotus

fl owers. This is a metaphor for his state of

mind. Without a peaceful mind, even the so -

est bed can sometimes feel like a bed of nails!

Joseph Emet is author of several

books on meditation including Sleep better

with Mindfulness Meditation. He was

invited by Thich Nhat Hanh to receive the

Lamp Transmission.His Dharma name is Dwelling in Peaceful

Concentration, which he has been trying

to live up to.

Ashish Narayankar tells us how he uses the Access Consciousness approach in conjunction with medicine to heal his patients

Accessing your

consciousness

health & vitalityDiscover

What can you expect from a session of Access Bars?Our head has 32 energy points

called ‘The Bars’, which connect to

various aspects of our life. When

we touch these points gently, old

energies stuck in the brain and body

are released, which allows easy and

tremendous change. This process is

known as ‘running your Bars’.

While running these Bars, all our

judgements, points of view, beliefs,

a itudes, thoughts, feelings, emo-

tions etc. about that particular area

in our life are released. This process

helps us to eff ortlessly erase years of

stored blockages and limitations in

just a few minutes.

There are separate Bars for mon-

ey, creativity, aging, body, sexuality,

AS A DOCTOR, I would o en

perceive the emotions of my patients

and realise that there is much more

to healing an individual than just

using orthodox medicine. I would

wonder why people get depressed

or fall sick and what I could do dif-

ferently to help them. I realised that

99 per cent of all illnesses are just

physical manifestations of mental

and emotional distress, and that it

was more important to work on the

individuals’ emotions than treat-

ing the symptoms of the disease in

order to cure it.

This awareness led me to explore

numerous healing modalities. One

thing led to another and I started

working on my clients in a holistic

way, treating the aspects of mind,

body and spirit.

What is Access Consciousness?When I came across Access Con-

sciousness and was introduced

to Bars, I resonated with its phi-

losophies. Access Consciousness

believes in empowering you with

pragmatic tools that enable you to

change anything in that area of life

you consider dysfunctional or where

you have given up. Access uses

hands-on body processes, as well as

hands-off [verbal] processes to help

you shi your life.

It teaches us that we are infi nite

beings with boundless choices

and possibilities. Life can be hard

when it seems that we have no

choice; but it is even harder when

we know we have a choice and

yet we are not taking that one

step to create something more for

ourselves. This is where Access Bars

works wonders.


To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing, send ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787

Ashish Narayankar is a Body process and

Talk to The Entities facilitator. He is a Clinical

Hypnotherapist and works holistically using

medical science and energy medicine. He specialises in cancer healing. Write to him

at [email protected]

The 10 commandments of Access Consciousness1 Would an infinite being truly

choose this?

2 Interesting point of view

3 10 second increments

4 Live in the question

5 No form, no structure, no significance

6 No judgement, no discrimination, no discernment

7 No drugs of any kind

8 No competition

9 Do not listen, tell or buy the story

10 No exclusion.

power and healing, to name a few.

When you touch these Bars, you not

only release unwanted thoughts,

but also open up opportunities for

change in your life.

A er running these Bars, some

people may experience a certain

awareness of the energy being run,

but rest assured that this feeling will

dissipate of its own accord, over a

period of time.

Can you run your own Bars?Yes, we can run our own bars; how-

ever, having someone else do it for

us would be much more eff ective.

This process can be learnt in a single

day’s class. A er you have learned

how to run your Bars, you can team

up with another person who has

learnt it and swap sessions. When

you give a Bars session to someone

else, every thought you have that

is the same as theirs, gets cleared at

the same time. So when you give a

session, you get a session too! You

can never go wrong with the Bars.

The only known side eff ect of Bars

is—happiness.

But this sounds similar to EFTMany times I have been asked

if Access Bars is similar to Emo-

tional Freedom Technique [EFT]

or Kinesiology. Well, EFT is about

unlocking emotions and traumas

from the body by tapping specifi c

energy points, which is also similar

to acupuncture. It is a treatment you

can perform on yourself to heal your

body. Running your Bars and using

access tools will accomplish all that

EFT sets out to do, and much more.

Access Consciousness has also

taught me an amazing concept of

‘receiving’ and reiterates its impor-

tance. Life is not only about giving

and doing, it is also about receiving

and being. Access helps you to get

you out of judgements and gives you

a totally diff erent perspective on life.

My experiences with Access Consciousness A lot of people complain about the

things that others do to them and

wonder why they are always being

targeted. When we are not empow-

ered, we end up blaming our situa-

tion, our family and everything else

around us for our present circum-

stances. This is simply a defensive

response, so that we are safe in our

mind, creating pseudo notions of ‘it’s

not me’, ‘someone else did it’ and ‘I

am just a victim of my situations’.

When I started implementing

Access Bars on my clients, my ses-

sions were faster, more eff ective

and be er, and my clients went

back not just aware of the mess

they’d created, but believing that

they have an option of undoing it.

So in turn they believed that they

could create a be er reality for

themselves.

There are no age restrictions and

Access Consciousness can also be

taught to kids.

When I facilitate a Bars Class or

any other Access class, I enjoy sow-

ing the seeds of awareness in my

participants. Through these sessions

I strive to enable them to be be er

individuals by helping them release

all the limitations and fi niteness that

they were operating with.



Trending this month

Every problem, from personal diffi culties and business challenges to social issues, can be solved if all of us look to ourselves to create

change rather than by looking to others. By seeing ourselves as agents of change we feel happier, less stressed, and more powerful

By John Izzo

Claim your power to change things

IT’S TIME TOSTEP UP AND

TAKE CHARGE


Well, you are ‘it’! You are responsible for

your own happiness, for the success of

your relationships, for the morale of your

workplace, for the success of the company

where you work, and for your life. What’s

more, you are responsible for poverty, for

global warming, for your neighbourhood,

for your school, and for homelessness. Be er

said, we are all ‘it’. That is, when each of

us takes responsibility, stepping up to do

what we can, everything gets be er. Not

only that, but when we step up and take

responsibility, the game of life and work is

more fun and more rewarding. We fi nd

more success.

This is not to say that there aren’t times

when our lives, our happiness, and our

success are signifi cantly infl uenced by outside

forces. Sometimes our manager is a tyrant,

sometimes parents aren’t able to give us a

good foundation, sometimes our spouse is

more to blame than we are, and sometimes

the problems we face [such as global

warming] seem so intractable that it is easy to

feel like we can’t make a diff erence. But when

we choose to focus on what WE can do and

how WE can act, we are suddenly powerful.

Victims simply don’t create change.

I am not talking about “the burden of

responsibility.” Many of us already feel too

responsible, taking on the blame and feeling

a need to fi x everything. The responsibility

I refer to is freeing. It is about choosing to

do what you can in your sphere of infl uence

without worrying about what anyone else is

or is not doing.

RESPONSIBILITY CHANGES EVERYTHING. The moment we decide that

we are the ones who are capable of and responsible for changing things,

everything shi s. Your marriage, your career, your life, your company, and

our world gets be er whenever one of us simply decides to step up and do

what we can do in our sphere of infl uence.

Seeing ourselves as responsible and powerful enough to change things is

a game changer in the deepest sense. The shi is akin to the childhood game

of tag. When I was a child in New York City, we played endless hours of

this game. One person was ‘it’ and had to run around trying to tag someone

else. The moment you were tagged, the whole game changed.

John Izzo, PhD is a business leadership

expert and community leader. He advises

some of the top companies and has

spoken to more than one million people

across the globe. He is the author of six books.

His most recent book Stepping Up, shows

the power of personal responsibility in life,

work and society.


The Five Rows of ResponsibilityOne of the simplest yet most profound

experiences of my life happened to me on an

airplane in January 2002. It was an icy, snowy

day in Cleveland, and I arrived just in time to

be the last one on the plane before they closed

the door. I quickly realised that everyone

around me was in a foul mood. No sooner

had I sat down than the stranger next to me

said, “My boss is such an idiot! He is sending

me up here to this godforsaken place. The

client never buys anything and never will buy

anything.

My boss is such an idiot.” Having over-

heard her diatribe, the man across the aisle

chimed in with his own commentary: “Not

only is your boss an idiot, lady, but the people

who run this airline are idiots too. We have

no leg room, we are late as always and look at

the ice on these wings—we’re probably going

to die on this thing.”

Once we took off , the mood continued,

and the negative virus spread. Soon everyone

around me was complaining about the world,

their companies, and their spouses, and it

just kept ge ing worse. Even I was calling

my boss an idiot, and I work for myself! It

was a veritable feast of negativity and victim

thinking. Like all feasts of junk food, the

feast felt good going down but le all of us

feeling worse.

About fi ve rows in front of me at the bulk-

head, a mother sat with her two-year-old son.

All through the fi rst half hour of the fl ight,

We have tremendous power to influence people around us

the kid kept trying without success to get his

head above the seat to look back. A few times

I saw his head, another time his eyebrows,

but it was not until about forty minutes into

the fl ight that he fi nally got his head above

the seat and rested his chin and hands on the

seat. He looked something like a chipmunk.

When he saw all of the passengers behind

him, he smiled the biggest, most natural smile

you’ve ever seen. Within moments that child

transformed the fi ve rows behind him. The

boss-is-an-idiot lady started talking to me

about her kids. The airline-is-run-by-idiots

guy stopped complaining and began mak-

ing faces as he tried to get the boy to smile

again. Someone said, “We should all be a li le

more positive like that kid,” and suggested

I go borrow him. When I off ered to take the

child off the mother’s hands for a li le bit,

his mother gladly accepted the break and

the boy’s visit to row six changed the mood

within minutes.

Si ing there at 30,000 feet ra ling across

the Midwest, I had an epiphany that I have

come to call The Five Rows Principle: most of

us have tremendous power to infl uence about

fi ve rows around us, but we spend most of

our time thinking and talking about what

someone else should do in some other plane

or row. What’s more, almost every problem

we face—from global warming and terrorism

to poor morale in a business and bullying in

schools—is a fi ve rows problem. That is, the

problem is merely the aggregate of what each

of us is doing in our fi ve rows.

Let’s take an example of a seemingly

intractable problem. Why is global warming

and a deteriorating environment such a vex-

ing problem? Because, the environment—like

most problems—is a fi ve rows problem. You

could say the government needs to step up,

but the problem is the aggregate result of

decisions each one of us [and our companies]

makes in our fi ve rows—the cars we drive,

the trips we take or don’t take, the food we

eat, the choices we make in terms of what we

buy, what we reuse or recycle, and so on. On

one hand, our fi ve rows don’t ma er very

much at all, but on the other hand the prob-

lem will be solved only when each of us does

what we can in our fi ve rows.

If you work hard, you will achieve. It is a message of self-responsibility in its purest form. If you are not succeeding, look in the mirror

Take a company where bad service and

low morale have become the norm. You could

say that the CEO needs to fi x it, but soon you

would realise that, for the most part, service

and morale are both fi ve rows problems.

Things will change only when individuals

step up in their fi ve rows and treat the

customer be er or do their part to improve

morale. What’s more, individuals need to

focus on what THEY can do in their fi ve rows

instead of what someone else should do. The

CEO should be worried about what she can

do in her sphere, the managers in theirs, and

the front-line people in their sphere. The more

people focus on taking action themselves,

the more likely we are to make progress. If

we focus on our fi ve rows, we can create

change. We can’t control what anyone else

does, only what we do.

This conclusion applies as easily to our

personal lives as to these larger landscapes.

Reeling from a quarrel with my wife that

day on my ride to the airport, I was focussed

on what my wife needed to do to fi x our

marriage instead of taking responsibility for

my ‘fi ve rows’. The more I focussed on what

she should do, the less powerful I felt, and

the less impact I could have. Whether it is in

our personal or our communal life, we must

always begin by asking what we can do, not

what others should do.

If we all begin in our fi ve rows, every

problem we face can be fi xed, every challenge

we have can be solved. Every time you are

tempted to think it does not ma er if you step

up, remember the fi ve rows principle: if each

of us begins where we are and does what

we can, anything is possible. Pointing to

someone else is easy and ultimately means no

one does anything.


/CompleteWellbeing /StayWell

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december 2014 issue — it's time to step up and take charge

Documents

great responsibility

word responsibility

fi nd blame

real change

passive people

great powerthe power

examples of real people

fi ngers