deborah gilboa, md resilient kids 5 tools for raising resilient kids in a military family
DESCRIPTION
The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! What do we know? –Bad things happen. –There are always choices to be made. –Feelings change over time. –Recovery requires tools and experience. What do they need? PRACTICE. WHAT IS RESILENCE?TRANSCRIPT
Deborah Gilboa, MDwww.AskDrG.com
RESILIENT KIDS5 Tools for Raising Resilient Kids in
a Military Family
WHY ARE WE HERE?MILITARY LIFE• Moves• Unpredictability• Pressure• Deployments• War• PTSD
REGULAR LIFE• Tattling• Homework• Friend drama• Sibling struggles• Disappointments• Bullying
The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY!• What do we know?– Bad things happen.– There are always choices to be made.– Feelings change over time.– Recovery requires tools and experience.
• What do they need?PRACTICE.
W HAT IS RESILENCE?
RESILENCE ≠ STOICISM
• Resilience requires emotion– Ignoring emotions -> damaging
behavior– Expressing emotions -> positive
coping mechanisms– Teach this best by explaining AND
modeling• Resilience moves beyond emotion to action.• What do they need?
PRACTICE.
5 TOOLS 1. Build trust.
2. Share bad news.3. Accept emotions.4. Move toward action.5. Guide THEIR plan.
BUILD TRUST• What doesn’t work?– “Stop crying!” “Calm down.” “Just relax!”
• Why not?– Can I tell you how to feel?– Strong emotion is a sign of fight or flight.
• What does work?– Communication– Repetition– Modeling
SHARE BAD NEWS1. Learn a little. 2. Pick a message. 3. Ask questions.
ACCEPT EMOTIONS MOVE TOWARD ACTION
Give your child a map FROM EMOTION -> ACTION• Empathy• Get to the truth.• Don’t offer solutions.• Ask for options.
SO,WHAT’S
THE PROBLEM?
Love• Empathy• Helpfulnes
s• Greater
resources• Experienc
e• Habit• Genuine
enjoyment
Fear• Responsibilit
y• Overwhelmin
g• Deteriorating• Future
consequences
• Risking the relationshipGUILT.
CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIESThe Myth:“Getting involved
will make us both feel better!”
The Truth:Stepping back
helps kids become adults.
GATHER INFORMATION• Ask your child• Build a network• Spend more time together• Get help, persevere
TRUST YOUR GUT
ONE STEP BACKSkill building• Chores• Homework• Food• Errands• Extra-curriculars
Relationship building• Siblings• Friends• Other adults
Problem-solving
GUIDE THEIR PLAN• Let life teach the lesson!• Praise the process.• Play “What if?”• Read a book or watch a show.• What would you tell a friend?“I’ll be really interested to
see what you do!”
Available now!
Available Sept 2014