copyright © 2010 – meteor trail...

Copyright © 2010 – Meteor Trail Marketing

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented, without written permission from the author, Sean Cooper.

LIMIT OF LIABILITY AND DISCLAIMER:This manual is based on personal experience and is designed to provide information about the subject matter covered. Every effort has been made to make it as complete and accurate as possible. All information provided through this text and associated audio program and websites are for informational purposes only and are not intended to replace the care, advice, or instruction of a medical professional. Its author, or company, will not be held liable in any way for the information contained through the website or this text. Users should consult a physician before making any lifestyle, dietary, or other health or psychologically related changes. This book solely represents its authorʼs opinion. You are responsible for your own behavior, and none of this book is to be considered personal, psychological, or medical advice. See a Doctor before making any changes whatsoever to your lifestyle (including both psychological and physiological changes). Results will vary for individual users.

The author shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information covered in this manual.

TRADEMARKS:Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used for reference only.

SHARING THIS DOCUMENT:Itʼs often said that, “Information wants to be free!” I absolutely, positively enjoy writing. And I wish I could give away everything I write - but I canʼt. Iʼve chosen to self-publish my work. This is my only 9-to-5. Itʼs how I make my living... how I put food on the table and pay my rent. I ask that you please respect the work I do by not giving away or reselling this guide. I sincerely thank you for that respect!

To Your Success,

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The Shyness And Social Anxiety System by Sean Cooper

http://dicemanian.darekw.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=tsasaspdfprev

Table Of ContentsPart 1: A Blueprint For Long-Term Permanent Change! 6

Introduction! 6From Lone Wolf to Social Superstar! 6Iʼll Tell You Exactly What to Do and When! 6How To Use This System! 7Itʼs Not Enough to Know All the Info ... You Must Go and Apply It! 7Personal Trainer Analogy! 8You Need a Long-Term Level of Commitment! 8Keep On Studying and Improving! 9

The “Secret Cause” of Your Shyness or Social Anxiety ... and the Solution! 10

Quick Reality Check! 10Is There a Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety?! 11What Causes SA?! 11SA Is Not A Real Illness! 12SA is Not a Personality Trait! 12SA is a Learned Behaviour! 13The Purpose of SA is to Avoid Disapproval! 13Why Avoid Disapproval?! 14It Starts With the Idea of Social Learning! 16Trying to Be Confident is Actually Painful...! 17“If Everyone Does This, Why Doesnʼt Everyone Have SA?”! 18Your Amygdala -- Anxiety Control Center In Your Brain! 19Experiences, Not Rational Knowledge! 20

Exposure: The Method For Overcoming Anxiety! 23Avoidance Maintains Anxiety! 23Fear Is Your Friend! 23DIWA - Do It While Afraid! 24Trying and Failing is Better Than Not Trying! 26“Exposure Doesnʼt Work For Me!”! 27Eliminate Partial Avoidance and Safety Behaviours! 27Anxiety is Necessary! 29Stay in the Situation Until Anxiety Drops! 30Imaginal Exposure! 31What Is an Exposure Hierarchy?! 33A Hierarchy of Behaviour! 34Creating Your Exposure Hierarchy! 35After An Exposure Session! 36Progress and Motivation! 37

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Part 2: Proven Anxiety-Reducing Techniques! 39

Technique #1: Diaphragmatic Breathing! 40Shallow Breathing! 40Cold hands! 40Breathe Using Your Belly, Not Your Chest! 41Take Long, Slow Breaths! 42Breathe In Through Nose, Out Through Mouth! 42Practice, Practice, Practice! 43

Technique #2: Muscle Relaxation! 44Other Benefits of Relaxation! 44Learning How to Relax! 45Bringing Relaxation Into Daily Life! 47

Technique #3: Acceptance! 48Donʼt Try to Suppress Anxiety Symptoms! 48Other Ways of Struggling and Fighting With Anxiety:! 48The Problem With Resisting! 49The Chinese Finger Trap! 50Play Dead! 50

Part 3: Changing How You Think! 52

Value and the Social Hierarchy! 52Introduction! 52The Concept of Value! 53How Value Affects Our Behaviour! 54“How Does This Relate To Social Anxiety?”! 54It Happens Everywhere! 55Value, Self-Esteem and Anxiety! 57What Makes You See Someone As Valuable?! 58How Do You Offer Value?! 59

From Inferiority to Self-Esteem! 61Whatʼs Your “Secret Reason”?! 61Your Image of Your Self! 62Your Self-Image Forms Through Experiences! 65Your Self-Image Is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy! 65The Truth About Your “Secret Reason”! 66The Comparison Trap! 69Beauty and Self Esteem! 70Striving For False Superiority! 72You Are Unique! 74On “Real” Inferiority! 75

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The Approval and Inferiority Contradiction! 76Needing Some Result To Happen Causes Anxiety! 77

Unconditional Self Acceptance! 79Living Up To Other Peopleʼs Standards! 79A Band-Aid Solution! 79The Alternative: Unconditional Self Acceptance! 82How do you Develop Unconditional Self Acceptance?! 84Questions! 86Cutting Yourself Free From Other People! 88

From Self-Consciousness To Spontaneity! 90Why You Donʼt Know What To Do! 90What Did You Do Wrong?! 91You Fell Into A Trap! 911. You Hesitate! 922. You Seem Out Of Focus! 923. You Seem Inauthentic! 93Self-Monitoring Causes Self-Consciousness and Inhibition! 94How To Stop Self-Monitoring! 95“But What If I Say Something Embarrassing?”! 97“Isnʼt Some Inhibition Good?”! 98From Impression-Making to Authenticity! 99Connecting To Your “Natural” Personality! 100Believing In What You Say! 101

Mindfulness and Being Present! 103Swimming In Our Thoughts! 103“Whatʼs The Point?”! 104How To Become Present! 105Living “Moment-to-Moment”! 106How Presence Reduces Anxiety! 107Presence Is Not Thought Suppression! 108

A Life Of Your Own Design! 110Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself! 110Having Personal Boundaries! 110Dealing With Family and Old Friends! 111Conclusion! 113

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Part 1: A Blueprint For Long-Term Permanent Change

Introduction

From Lone Wolf to Social SuperstarHey, itʼs Sean Cooper. Welcome to the Shyness and Social Anxiety System.

In here Iʼll share with you the exact same strategies and techniques that I and

countless others have used to overcome our shyness and social anxiety and, in

doing so, change our lives.

Youʼre about to be introduced to knowledge and information that can have

such an amazing impact on your social life.

If you read this book and make an ongoing effort to learn its content, then

your perspective on people, social life, and relationships can change. This

change could mean the difference between being happy and having many

friends or lonely and bored.

Iʼll Tell You Exactly What to Do and WhenBest of all, youʼll learn the truth about shyness and social skills without

having to go through the painful failure and embarrassment that other shy people

have suffered.

Psychologists, social scientists, writers, thinkers, etc.tend to focus on telling

shy people that they should “get out more” and get more experience (which is

great), but they never tell shy people exactly what they should do when they do

get into these situations so that they can avoid embarrassment and grow.

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Itʼs taken me a long time to figure out the things that youʼre about to learn.

Iʼve spent years on this stuff and discovered that learning about social skills and

dynamics play a HUGE role in building the foundation and setting the course for

a long-term social life.

How To Use This SystemThis system is jam-packed with information. Itʼs meant to be used as a

reference. The best way to use it is to read and find all the parts you like and all

of the ideas, skills, and techniques upon which you would like to improve. Then

take those sections and write them down or print them out so you can remind

yourself. Read them out loud and maybe talk about it with other shy people you

know who might need the help of this book.

But donʼt assume that reading it once will solve all your problems. Make a

note when you find a section that applies to your situation.

Get a journal and jot down the ideas that grab your attention. Keep these

ideas processing in your mind.

The best thing to do is to take one piece of advice and apply it immediately.

Let it set for maybe a week, and then continue, applying another.

Itʼs Not Enough to Know All the Info ... You Must Go and Apply It

Right now itʼs up to you. I canʼt do all the learning and practice for you. Itʼs

you who has got to make the decision that youʼll do whatever it takes to get to

that next level of understanding.

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Social success is like learning to play a musical instrument. It takes practice

and learning. At first none of it makes any sense. Sometimes it seems as though

all of your practice isnʼt making a difference.

But if you keep at it, eventually youʼll be playing songs. And then youʼll be

writing songs. The next thing you know, youʼve become a master.

Personal Trainer AnalogyLet me put it to you another way.

Imagine you went into the gym and hired a personal trainer. They taught you

everything there was to know about fitness. But then you never worked out and

ate junk food all day.

If you do not apply what you learn, then the information by itself is useless to

you. But if you put in the work, you can experience a complete transformation.

This is not a magic pill. You need experience out in the real world. If you

never had a social life throughout high school, that means that now is the time to

get out there and get that social experience youʼre missing.

You Need a Long-Term Level of CommitmentLike learning any new skill, there are going to be ups and downs. Youʼll

make brief spurts of progress, then decline to a level slightly higher than the one

you were at before. Your progress may look something like this:

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In order to master social skills, you have to be willing to practice diligently,

striving to hone your skills even when it seems like you are getting nowhere in

your progress or even going backwards.

In the long-term, your success will become evident. So donʼt give up just

because you experience short-term setbacks and disappointments.

Keep On Studying and ImprovingSo take this book and use it as a workbook. Come back to it often. Reread

the parts that you want to learn and integrate them in your daily life. Take a look

and learn from some of the other books and information Iʼve referenced. And

most importantly, DONʼT STOP READING UNTIL YOUʼRE DOING IT.

Many people make the mistake of reading a book and say “I know that stuff”

before theyʼve mastered the information. Donʼt make this mistake yourself. Keep

reading and practicing until you HAVE IT DOWN.

At some point youʼll develop your own insights beyond whatʼs in this book,

and youʼll become an expert in the world of social skills, conversations and

confidence.

Congratulations, by the way. Youʼre taking an amazing step by investing in

your own life to figure things out. If you stay with it, youʼll have amazing results in

lots of other areas.

Do me a favor. E-mail me with your ideas, comments, and complaints. I

want to know what you think. You can email me at:

[email protected]

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mailto:[email protected]

mailto:[email protected]


The “Secret Cause” of Your Shyness or Social Anxiety ... and the Solution

This chapter is going to be mostly about the science behind your shyness or

social anxiety. Youʼll get a better understanding of what it is and how it works.

Quick Reality CheckThat being said, Iʼm not going to bore you with long pages of science. Most

of the books out there on SA seem to be written by psychologists who know a lot

about how SA works, but donʼt actually tell you how to overcome it!

All I want to do is give you a rough working understanding of your

condition. Why? Because when you donʼt know how your old, outdated

emotional system works, then the fear and anxiety feels so real. Knowing how it

works allows you to get perspective on your fears and change.

In the other sections I will give you techniques which you can use

immediately. For now letʼs cover the important fundamentals. Here we go.

“Pinpointing the nature or origin of your

problem may give you insight, but usually fails

to change the way you act. This is not

surprising.”

- David D. Burns, M.D.

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Is There a Difference Between Shyness and Social Anxiety?The only difference between the two is the degree to which they affect

your life.

If you only feel somewhat uncomfortable in some situations, then you have

“shyness”. But if that feeling of discomfort or anxiety become more serious, to the

point where your body reacts strongly physically (i.e. panic attacks) and it affects

your daily functioning, then you have “social anxiety”.

Both shyness and social anxiety have the same root causes and can be

treated in the same way. Thatʼs why I can write about both in one system.

However, for some people who are only a little shy, some of the things I talk

about are going to be things which they already know how to do, like making eye

contact. If this applies to you, feel free to skip the sections which you donʼt feel

can help you.

What Causes SA?Have you ever wondered if shy or socially anxious people are born that

way? Or if it's a developed personality trait?

The truth is: IT'S NEITHER.

NOTE: For the sake of faster and better reading, from now on in these modules I have shortened both shyness and social anxiety

into the letters SA.

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What do I mean by this? Let me explain...

SA Is Not A Real IllnessSA is not a real disorder or illness, despite the name “social anxiety

disorder”.

99% of the people out there who have SA have nothing physically wrong

with their mind or body that needs to be fixed through medication. (Of course,

always see your doctor just in case you happen to be in the minority.)

SA can be fixed, but not by altering your bodyʼs chemical balances through

medication. Medication helps some people manage their anxiety better, but it will

never make it go away. It can only be a temporary fix.

To make it go away permanently, you need a different approach, which Iʼll

share with you later in this module.

SA is Not a Personality TraitThis is also a common misconception many people with SA have.

When they are young, someone may tell them, "You're shy." This assumes

that SA is a trait of a person. It's something they are born with or have developed

over time to become a part of them, like their hair. Or like being athletic or

overweight or smart. But the truth is, SA isn't a trait.

Think about it: Are you shy all the time? Even when you're by yourself? Are

you equally anxious when you're talking to someone new as when you're talking

to your closest friend?

No, you arenʼt. So what does this mean?

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SA is a Learned BehaviourSA is a learned behaviour. It's a set of mental and physical behaviours you

may use to react to certain situations. The amount and the type of reaction you

feel depends on the situation.

SA isn't something you are, it's something you do, sometimes.

The important thing to understand is that nobody has anxiety in every area,

it always relates to specific situations. You may not be confident in social

situations, but there are areas of your life where you are confident.

So stop assuming SA is a part of your personality and turning it into an

unchangeable identity. Donʼt say: “Thatʼs the way I am.” Say: “In this situation...”

SA is a set of thoughts and behaviours you have learned to use in certain

social situations. This also means you can unlearn these thoughts and

behaviours and replace them with new ones. Everything you need to do to

unlearn these thoughts and behaviours will be explained a little later in this

module.

The Purpose of SA is to Avoid DisapprovalSA is driven by an extreme fear of disapproval. People who have SA are

scared to death that:

• someone will criticize or reject them based on their behaviour,

• they will make a negative impression on someone,

• someone will judge their actions negatively.

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This is a free preview of Sean Cooper's “The Shyness and Social Anxiety System”. To continue reading and to learn how to overcome shyness and social anxiety, please click

the link below.

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