CONTROL FREAKS: Who’s Pulling Your Strings?Relationship Detox – Part 1Message #1362Pastor Keith StewartJanuary 7-8, 2017

Expanded Message Resources “.. anyone whose words or actions evoke unwanted and unpleasant emotions.”- Mark Rosen, author of Thank You for Being Such a Pain

“[A control freak is] anyone who cares more about something than you do and won’t stop being pushy to get their own way.”- Dr. Les Parrott, author of The Control Freak 1. LEARN TO RECOGNIZE CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS IN YOURSELF !" “I thought I was just helping not controlling.” “Control freaks send out a message that says, ‘I don’t trust you’ and ‘You’re not competent.’” - Dr. Les Parrott, author of The Control Freak " “I’m not the controller, my spouse is!” " “I have other issues but not control.” The heart is the most deceitful thing there is, and desperately wicked. No one can really know how bad it is! Jeremiah 17.9 (Living Bible) “Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show. He is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put. If people would only do as he wished, the show would be great…Life would be wonderful.”– The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

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" “If I didn’t say something or do something everything would fall apart.” “Stop trying to protect, to rescue, to judge, to manage the lives around you …remember that the lives of others are not your business. They are their business. They are God’s business…even your own life is not your business. It also is God’s business. Leave it to God.” - Frederick Buechner, author of Telling Secrets 2. RECOGNIZING THE TACTICS OF CONTROL " They “should” all over you. " They manipulate you.

Victim Triangle " They play God. Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends.Proverbs 17.9 (Living Bible)

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“A wife who marries with the intention of reforming her husband rarely loves him deeply. Instead, she delays giving her whole heart to him until he reflects the perfection of her makeover.” - Bryan Chapell, author of Each for the Other " They talk bad about you. “[Gossip is] like a ‘social weapon’ that members of the group can use against each other.” - Max Gluckman, Gossip and Scandal

“About 60 per cent of conversations between adults are about someone who isn’t present and most of these are passing judgment.”- Laurent Bègue, Social Psychologist

3. STRATEGIES FOR REDUCING THE IMPACT OF CONTROLLING PEOPLE " Remain calm " Never try to control a controller " Set limits " Always remember they have a lot more at stake “People who feel out of control tend to become controllers.”- Dr. Judith Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom “Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help.” - Thomas J. Schumacher, Psychologist

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4. GOD’S REMEDY FOR CONTROLLERS " Face the facts Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8.32 “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” - Thomas Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

“It’s my job to love Billy; it’s God’s job to make him good.”- Ruth Graham !" Give freedom So if the Son sets you free, you are free through and through. John 8.36 (The Message)

Buddy

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Tripod " Practice acceptance Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you. Romans 15.7 “When the husband is accepted for the way he is, he winds up doing things her way. And she moves toward his way.” – University of Michigan

" Surrender to God Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am… Luke 9.23 (The Message) “Being a control freak is just one manifestation of a lack of surrender.”- Margaret Feinberg, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,Courage to change the things I can,And wisdom to know the difference.

- Reinhold Niebuhr, American theologian

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“Living one day at a time,enjoying one moment at a time,accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is,not as I would have it;trusting that you will make all things rightif I surrender to your willso that I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with you forever in the next.Amen.”

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