Conflict Resolution

Journal

Write about a recent conflict you had with someone.

Who was it with?

What was the conflict about?

Was there a solution? What was it?

Conflict

1. to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash:

2. to fight or contend; do battle.

3. a fight, battle, or struggle, esp. a prolonged struggle; strife.

4. controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. 5. discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas.

6. a striking together; collision.

Causes of Conflict

Opposing viewpoints or opinions

Emotions Selfishness Miscommunications

or misunderstandings

Assumptions

Paradigms

Your perception, point of view, or the way you see the world

Covey’s StoryHow could this situation have turned

into a conflict?Why is it important to shift our

paradigms to avoid conflict?

“Seek First to Understand, then to be understood.”

Styles of Communication Review

Aggressive: overly forceful, pushy, or hostile May involve bullying or intimidation May not pay attention to others’ thoughts, feelings,

or needs.

Passive: unwilling or unable to express thoughts and feelings in a direct or firm manner Putting others’ needs ahead of your own Dislikes conflict & will go out of way to avoid

arguments

Assertive: expressing your views clearly and respectfully Standing up for your rights while respecting the

rights and views of others.

Passive Techniques Used During Conflict

Pretending there isn’t a problem

Avoiding the problematic person

Saying “It doesn’t matter” when feeling hurt

Using the silent treatment

Ignoring the problem

Giving in to keep the peace

Aggressive Techniques Used During Conflict

Yelling Name Calling Manipulating Coercion Refusal to Listen Bringing up past

problems POWER

The Use of Power to Win

Three ResponsesFight BackFlight/AvoidanceQuiet Obedience/ Shutting Down

Can you see why it is important not to use control and power against people?

Assertive Techniques

“I” MessagesReflective

ListeningRemaining CalmSticking to the

current issues

Hug O’WarBy: Shel Silverstein

I will not play at tug o' war

I'd rather play at hug o' war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs Where everyone

giggles And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses

And everyone grins And everyone

cuddles And everyone wins.

Who Owns the Conflict?

The person who is negatively affected by the problem

Rather than blame the other person… Own the conflict & the solution.

What is the owner’s responsibility? To find a way to resolve the problem, even if

he is not the cause of it

Who Owns the Problem?

If your sister borrows your clothes without permission and they get dirty, who owns the problem? Why?

If your brother borrows your car and doesn’t put gas in it, who owns the problem? Why?

If your parents are worried about you because you have not called home by curfew, who owns the problem? Why?

Win-Win Conflict Resolution Process

1. Identify the conflict2. Brainstorm all

possible solutions3. Evaluate the possible

solutions4. Make a decision and

act upon it5. Take responsibility for

your choice6. Evaluate your choice

and either stick with it or choose again

Identify the Conflict or Issue

Use “I” Messages to explain your own concerns, needs and basic goals

Use reflective listening to hear and acknowledge the other’s needs and basic goals

Evaluate exactly what each of your actual needs are with the problem. List needs.

Brainstorm to Generate all possible solutions.

Think of any and all possible ways to solve the problem so that everyone will have their needs met.

Do not criticize any suggestions. Feed back with reflective listening.

Write down all ideas suggested.

Brainstorm All Possible Solutions that meets both

people’s needs Cake Cutting Exercise

You are in charge of a birthday party for four children. You have one cake and need to cut it in 4 equal parts. Brainstorm with your partner. How many different ways could you cut it?

Car Sharing Solution You and your sibling have one car. You need to

go to a meeting tonight, and your sibling wants to visit a good friends. How many solutions can you come up with?

Look at things from another’s perspective and try to see their point of view. Look for a solution that meets both underlying needs.

Car Sharing Solutions

One person could drive the other to their destination and pick them up later.

One person could get a ride from another person going to the same destination.

Have the meeting or friend visit take place at home.

Use a taxi, bus or trax

Others?

Evaluate the Solutions

Ask “Will it work? Does it meet the needs of both people? Are there any likely problems?”

Don’t accept solutions for the sake of speed

Use reflective listening and “I” message skills

Decide on the best solution.

Find a solution that is mutually acceptable to both of you.

If agreement seems difficult, summarize areas of agreement, restate needs, and look for new solutions

Make certain that both of you are committed to the solution.

Implementing the Solution

Get agreement on who does what and by what time frame

Follow-up Evaluation

Carry out agreed method. Wait to see if the conflicts seem resolved.

If the agreed upon solution doesn’t work, remember it is the solution that failed, not the person. Seek for a new solution.

Ask from time to time if the solution is working for both of you.