conflict resolution active listening. follow these instructions without questions fold your sheet...

Conflict ResolutionConflict Resolution

Active ListeningActive Listening


Follow these instructions without questionsFollow these instructions without questions Fold your sheet of paper 3 Times.Fold your sheet of paper 3 Times. Tear off three corners.Tear off three corners. Unfold paperUnfold paper


As we learned previously, empathy is about As we learned previously, empathy is about rapport and openness between people. rapport and openness between people.

When it is absent, people are less likely to When it is absent, people are less likely to consider your needs and feelings. consider your needs and feelings.

The best way to build empathy is to help the The best way to build empathy is to help the other person feel that they are understood. other person feel that they are understood. That means being an active listener. That means being an active listener.


Some factors that affect a persons ability or Some factors that affect a persons ability or willingness to listen effectively are:willingness to listen effectively are:

Relationship with speakerRelationship with speaker Lack of timeLack of time Preoccupation with other mattersPreoccupation with other matters Difficulty in dealing with emotions…both yours and Difficulty in dealing with emotions…both yours and

theirstheirs Strong disagreementStrong disagreement EnvironmentEnvironment Physical discomfortPhysical discomfort


Some ways that a person can tell they are Some ways that a person can tell they are being listened to are:being listened to are:

Eye contactEye contact Verbal ResponsesVerbal Responses Asking relevant questionsAsking relevant questions PosturePosture Gestures and/or nodsGestures and/or nods


There are specific styles of listening There are specific styles of listening activities relevant to different situations. activities relevant to different situations. These can be considered:These can be considered:

InformationInformation AffirmationAffirmation Inflammation.Inflammation.


Listening To Gain InformationListening To Gain Information


Informational ListeningInformational Listening One of the main reasons we listen is to gain One of the main reasons we listen is to gain

information.information. Sometimes conflict can develop because Sometimes conflict can develop because

vital information is missing or possibly vital information is missing or possibly miscommunicated.miscommunicated.


Informational ListeningInformational Listening Studies have shown that immediately after Studies have shown that immediately after

people have listened to someone talk, they people have listened to someone talk, they only remember about half of what they’ve only remember about half of what they’ve heard.heard.


Informational ListeningInformational Listening Then, within 8 hours, they tend to forget ½ Then, within 8 hours, they tend to forget ½

to 1/3 more of what they heard. (Studies to 1/3 more of what they heard. (Studies conducted by the University of Minnesota in conducted by the University of Minnesota in 1957)1957)


Informational ListeningInformational Listening Too often we rely on others to give us the Too often we rely on others to give us the

information we need; or we have too much information we need; or we have too much faith that we are using words in the same faith that we are using words in the same way.way.

We may, in fact, be attaching different We may, in fact, be attaching different meanings or very different pictures to words.meanings or very different pictures to words.


Informational ListeningInformational Listening Sometimes conflicts arise because of our differing Sometimes conflicts arise because of our differing

perceptions of what words mean. For Example:perceptions of what words mean. For Example: If you were asked to clean up a particular area, If you were asked to clean up a particular area,

does that mean make it tidy, put things in neat does that mean make it tidy, put things in neat piles, or put things away?piles, or put things away?

Does it include dusting and vacuuming?Does it include dusting and vacuuming? Does it mean moving the furniture or just cleaning Does it mean moving the furniture or just cleaning

what you can see?what you can see?


Informational ListeningInformational Listening All partiesAll parties in the communication process in the communication process

have a role in making things clear.have a role in making things clear. By asking questions, it helps you to become By asking questions, it helps you to become

more specific.more specific. The more specific you become, the more The more specific you become, the more

likely all parties will be happy with the likely all parties will be happy with the outcome.outcome.


Informational ListeningInformational Listening It is important to remember these points It is important to remember these points

when asking questions:when asking questions: How?How? Where?Where? What?What? Why?Why? When?When?


Informational ListeningInformational Listening The way in which a question is constructed The way in which a question is constructed

determines its usefulness.determines its usefulness. Closed questions elicit specific information and are Closed questions elicit specific information and are

valuable when this is what is required.valuable when this is what is required. For example a closed question might be “Would For example a closed question might be “Would

you like things to be different?”you like things to be different?” This might only produce a Yes or No answer.This might only produce a Yes or No answer.


Informational ListeningInformational Listening Open questions encourage broader exploration of Open questions encourage broader exploration of

the issue and associated feelingsthe issue and associated feelings For example an open question might be “How For example an open question might be “How

would you like things to be different?”would you like things to be different?” This shows an interest in their ideas, and gives us This shows an interest in their ideas, and gives us

much more of a window into their thinking, which is much more of a window into their thinking, which is the foundation for empathy.the foundation for empathy.


Informational ListeningInformational Listening Finally be very careful when using the word “why” Finally be very careful when using the word “why”

when using this style of listening.when using this style of listening. A question out of context, and blunt such as “Why A question out of context, and blunt such as “Why

were you late this morning?" can cause the person were you late this morning?" can cause the person to become defensive and shut down.to become defensive and shut down.

It is wiser to find a way to turn this into a statement It is wiser to find a way to turn this into a statement of need such as “It is important that we all report to of need such as “It is important that we all report to work on a timely basis. What can we do in the work on a timely basis. What can we do in the future to ensure that this happens?”future to ensure that this happens?”


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation What do we mean by giving affirmation to What do we mean by giving affirmation to

another person?another person? Acknowledging another personAcknowledging another person Making another feel valuedMaking another feel valued Showing empathyShowing empathy


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation In a conflict situation, often the most In a conflict situation, often the most

important need for another person is to sort important need for another person is to sort out ideas using us as a sounding board.out ideas using us as a sounding board.

As well, we may be needing to hear the As well, we may be needing to hear the details of that persons feelings and thoughts details of that persons feelings and thoughts to really understand a different perspective.to really understand a different perspective.

This helps us to show empathy.This helps us to show empathy.


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation There a several skills that show we are There a several skills that show we are

listening to others with empathy.listening to others with empathy. Non-verbal skillsNon-verbal skills such as, eye contact, body such as, eye contact, body

posture and using encouraging gestures.posture and using encouraging gestures. Following skillsFollowing skills such as occasional such as occasional

questions and attentive silences; also questions and attentive silences; also minimal encouragers such as “mm” and “ah”minimal encouragers such as “mm” and “ah”


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation Reflecting skillsReflecting skills such as paraphrasing and such as paraphrasing and

summarizing; using a tone of voice that that summarizing; using a tone of voice that that shows warmth or interest. Reflecting back shows warmth or interest. Reflecting back feelings and content.feelings and content.


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation Reflecting back feelings and content, in our Reflecting back feelings and content, in our

own words, is the most crucial skill in own words, is the most crucial skill in listening to affirm for the following reasons:listening to affirm for the following reasons:

We want to make sure we heard We want to make sure we heard exactlyexactly what the other person what the other person intendedintended..

To show empathyTo show empathy To help the other person hear themselves.To help the other person hear themselves.


Listening to give AffirmationListening to give Affirmation Important Point 1Important Point 1

Asking too many questions can distract the Asking too many questions can distract the speaker, and lead in a direction that may be speaker, and lead in a direction that may be of more interest to the listener. It can be of more interest to the listener. It can be appropriate to ask question, providing they appropriate to ask question, providing they are very closely linked to what the speaker are very closely linked to what the speaker is saying and supportive to the crucial skill of is saying and supportive to the crucial skill of reflecting back.reflecting back.



Good listening empowers speakers. It helps Good listening empowers speakers. It helps people to verbalize what may have not been people to verbalize what may have not been clear them before. People can usually find clear them before. People can usually find their own answers. They are more likely to their own answers. They are more likely to put their own plans into action than put their own plans into action than someone else’s well intentioned advicesomeone else’s well intentioned advice



When people feel listened to, they will talk When people feel listened to, they will talk more freely about themselves. Even well more freely about themselves. Even well intentioned advising or diagnosing may intentioned advising or diagnosing may block this communication.block this communication.



Active listening may entice people to reveal Active listening may entice people to reveal more of themselves than they are really more of themselves than they are really comfortable doing. They may later be highly comfortable doing. They may later be highly embarrassed and distance themselves from embarrassed and distance themselves from the listener. It is important to respect the listener. It is important to respect peoples comfort zones in personal peoples comfort zones in personal communication.communication.



There is a time to actively listen and there is There is a time to actively listen and there is also a time to graciously add in our own also a time to graciously add in our own perspectives. Always be on the look out for perspectives. Always be on the look out for cues from the other person to know when cues from the other person to know when this is appropriate.this is appropriate.



Really listening is far more than waiting for Really listening is far more than waiting for our turn to speak. We put so much attention our turn to speak. We put so much attention on the other person that our own mental on the other person that our own mental commentary should be commentary should be turned “off”turned “off” at that at that time.time.


Listening To Deal With InflammationListening To Deal With Inflammation


Listening To Deal With InflammationListening To Deal With Inflammation When someone is verbally attacking us we tend to When someone is verbally attacking us we tend to

respond in some of the following ways:respond in some of the following ways: We can become defensiveWe can become defensive We can become aggressiveWe can become aggressive We can start arguing in a heated wayWe can start arguing in a heated way We can retreat into ourselvesWe can retreat into ourselves We can become upset and/or fearfulWe can become upset and/or fearful


Listening To Deal With InflammationListening To Deal With Inflammation When we respond in this way some of the When we respond in this way some of the

outcomes can be:outcomes can be: It often doesn’t lead to a solution or at best only It often doesn’t lead to a solution or at best only

leads to a short term solution.leads to a short term solution. It may have long term detrimental effects on the It may have long term detrimental effects on the

relationship.relationship. It may result in feeling drained, upset or It may result in feeling drained, upset or

downtrodden.downtrodden. It may increase the likelihood of this pattern It may increase the likelihood of this pattern

repeating itself.repeating itself.


Listening To Deal With InflammationListening To Deal With Inflammation Remember, when there is a conflict, it is Remember, when there is a conflict, it is

common to blame the other person or to common to blame the other person or to become extremely defensive. become extremely defensive.

It is very difficult to be objective when the It is very difficult to be objective when the emotional level is high.emotional level is high.

Active listening is an effective tool to reduce Active listening is an effective tool to reduce the emotion involved in a situation.the emotion involved in a situation.



Point 1Point 1 This active listening technique is very valuable This active listening technique is very valuable

when we are receiving non-verbal gestures of when we are receiving non-verbal gestures of anger. Some examples might be:anger. Some examples might be:

Turning awayTurning away Rolling the eyesRolling the eyes Pointing fingersPointing fingers



Point 2Point 2 Always remember that there is great value Always remember that there is great value

in allowing angry people to be really heard in allowing angry people to be really heard whether or not we feel their attacks are whether or not we feel their attacks are justified.justified.



Point 3Point 3 First we need to bring down the emotional First we need to bring down the emotional

heat and avoid making statements of attack heat and avoid making statements of attack or defense that would cause the crisis to or defense that would cause the crisis to escalate.escalate.



Point 4Point 4 Once we fully understand the problem, we Once we fully understand the problem, we

can respond more effectively. This may can respond more effectively. This may include pointing out errors of fact or include pointing out errors of fact or interpretation. This being different than interpretation. This being different than defense and counterattack.defense and counterattack.


Listening To Deal With InflammationListening To Deal With InflammationPoint 5Point 5

The aim is to improve communication in the The aim is to improve communication in the relationship, with both people hearing and relationship, with both people hearing and being heard. Once tempers are calmer, being heard. Once tempers are calmer, then real communication can begin.then real communication can begin.

Staying calm during a personal attack takes Staying calm during a personal attack takes skill. This is a skill which can be learned skill. This is a skill which can be learned and needs persistent practice.and needs persistent practice.


Listening To Deal With InflammationListening To Deal With InflammationPoint 6Point 6

The The point of changepoint of change in a conflict is the in a conflict is the point where communication begins. point where communication begins.

At this stage, the discussion can turn to:At this stage, the discussion can turn to: What do you need, not need?What do you need, not need? What do I need, not need?What do I need, not need? Can we fulfill these needs?Can we fulfill these needs?



Point 7Point 7 Your ultimate goal in this type of scenario is:Your ultimate goal in this type of scenario is: To turn down the heat in the situation, To turn down the heat in the situation,

allowing you to move from being opponents, allowing you to move from being opponents, to working in partnership with the other to working in partnership with the other person to achieve the desired goal.person to achieve the desired goal.

CreditCredit

We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials used in for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this presentation.the creation of this presentation.

Conflict Resolution NetworkConflict Resolution Network

PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Email: Email: [email protected]@crnhq.orgWebsite: Website: www.crnhq.orgwww.crnhq.org

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.crnhq.org/

CreditCredit

This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to assist in the education of its Professional assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee members.Standards Committee members.

Permission to use this material is granted to any Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local.AMFA Local.

This course was created using materials provided This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has been extended to use this material providing has been extended to use this material providing credit remains intact on all modules.credit remains intact on all modules.

conflict resolution active listening. follow these instructions without questions fold your sheet...

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