Conflict Management

By: Ohireime Ojeomogha [OJ] and Jessica England

Conflict ExerciseConflict Exercise Split into groups of five people.Split into groups of five people. Spend three minutes trying to resolve Spend three minutes trying to resolve

the conflict.the conflict. Each group member should choose a Each group member should choose a

personality response/role.personality response/role. [person named in scenario, conflict resolution [person named in scenario, conflict resolution

manager, confrontational and opinionated, manager, confrontational and opinionated, complainer, non-responder, disagree with everything, complainer, non-responder, disagree with everything, etc]etc]

Conflict ExerciseConflict Exercise Scenario 1: Company AXY – dating Scenario 1: Company AXY – dating

relationship.relationship.

Scenario 2: Personal coach – hostile Scenario 2: Personal coach – hostile environment.environment.

Scenario 3: Diversity training gone Scenario 3: Diversity training gone wrong.wrong.

ConflictConflict Conflict is neither a necessary evil nor Conflict is neither a necessary evil nor

a signal of defeat. It is simply a reality. a signal of defeat. It is simply a reality. Wherever there are people there is Wherever there are people there is conflict. The real issue is not to avoid conflict. The real issue is not to avoid it, but learn how to manage it.it, but learn how to manage it.

Conflict: When two or more people Conflict: When two or more people attempt to occupy the same space at attempt to occupy the same space at the same time: physically, emotionally, the same time: physically, emotionally, or intellectually. or intellectually.

Initial ReactionInitial Reaction

Fight Freeze Fight Freeze Flight Flight

Understanding OptionsUnderstanding Options

∙∙ ∙∙ ∙∙∙∙ ∙∙ ∙∙∙∙ ∙∙ ∙∙

Connect all the dots without lifting your Connect all the dots without lifting your pen.pen.

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One option includes going outside of the One option includes going outside of the box.box.

What do you see?What do you see?

Two faces or a vase?Two faces or a vase?

Water cannot flow up hill…Water cannot flow up hill…

Young woman or old lady?Young woman or old lady?Creepy clown face or Creepy clown face or ladies in an arch way?ladies in an arch way?

workbenchworkbench

personperson on on cliff ready to cliff ready to

jumpjumptreetree

Resource & Resource & OpportunitOpportunityy

DangerDanger

Opportunity & DangerOpportunity & Danger Conflicts arise over facts, methods, Conflicts arise over facts, methods,

values, and goals.values, and goals. If you choose resentment: it’s like If you choose resentment: it’s like

drinking poison and hoping the other drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.person dies.

How we How we CHOOSECHOOSE to to Respond to ConflictRespond to Conflict

AvoidanceAvoidanceAccommodatiAccommodati

ononCompetitionCompetitionCompromiseCompromiseCollaborationCollaboration

Thomas Kilman Conflict Resolution GridThomas Kilman Conflict Resolution Grid

Value of Relationship

Importance Placed on Mercy

Response to Other’s Interest

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AvoidAvoid AccommodateAccommodate

CompromiseCompromise

CompeteCompete CollaborateCollaborate

AvoidAvoidI don’t care for the issue

and honestly I don’t really care about the

relationship.

Value of Relationship

Importance Placed on Mercy

Response to Other’s Interest

Val

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AvoidAvoid

AccommodateAccommodate

Value of Relationship

Importance Placed on Mercy

Response to Other’s Interest

Val

ue o

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Preserve the relationship at ALL

costs.

AccommodateAccommodate

CompeteCompete

Value of Relationship

Importance Placed on Mercy

Response to Other’s Interest

Val

ue o

f Iss

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Nee

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rest

CompeteCompete Win / lose situation:

How do I get MY way?

CompromiseCompromise

Value of Relationship

Importance Placed on Mercy

Response to Other’s Interest

Val

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rest

CompromiseCompromise

Tolerance is key!

CollaborateCollaborate

Value of Relationship

Importance Placed on Mercy

Response to Other’s Interest

Val

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CollaborateCollaborate Seek to preserve both

the relationship

and the value of the issue at

hand.

*this requires skill in

managing conflict.

**not all issues are worth

going “to the mat.”

Conflict Engagement StylesConflict Engagement Styles TankTank: confrontational, pointed, angry, ultimately : confrontational, pointed, angry, ultimately

pushy and aggressive behavior towards otherspushy and aggressive behavior towards others SniperSniper: employs the use of rude comments, biting : employs the use of rude comments, biting

sarcasm or well timed eye roll, and in the end makes sarcasm or well timed eye roll, and in the end makes you look foolishyou look foolish

GrenadeGrenade: brief calm, explodes into unfocused ranting : brief calm, explodes into unfocused ranting and raving with things typically unrelated to the and raving with things typically unrelated to the present work circumstancespresent work circumstances

Know-it-allKnow-it-all: seldom in doubt; low tolerance when : seldom in doubt; low tolerance when corrected or contradicted and blames others when corrected or contradicted and blames others when things go wrongthings go wrong

Think-they-know-it-allThink-they-know-it-all: primarily seeking the : primarily seeking the attention of others and unlike the know it all cannot attention of others and unlike the know it all cannot fool people all the timefool people all the time

Conflict Engagement Styles Conflict Engagement Styles ContCont

Yes PersonYes Person: avoids confrontation, typically over : avoids confrontation, typically over commits to work task and can’t accomplish it all commits to work task and can’t accomplish it all because of time constraintsbecause of time constraints

Maybe PersonMaybe Person: procrastinates and waits in the : procrastinates and waits in the hopes of getting a better choice, but in the end hopes of getting a better choice, but in the end decision makes itselfdecision makes itself

Nothing PersonNothing Person: worse than the maybe person : worse than the maybe person he/she gives no feedbackhe/she gives no feedback

No PersonNo Person: mild mannered…fights a never ending : mild mannered…fights a never ending battle for futility, hopelessness and despairbattle for futility, hopelessness and despair

WhinerWhiner: complains about everything…seem : complains about everything…seem helpless, overwhelmed and not measuring up to helpless, overwhelmed and not measuring up to their standards of perfectiontheir standards of perfection

Lens of UnderstandingLens of UnderstandingThe Dr.’s RickThe Dr.’s Rick

Understanding helps you communicate Understanding helps you communicate effectively, prevent future conflict, and effectively, prevent future conflict, and resolve current conflicts.resolve current conflicts.

Look for the motive behind the behavior.Look for the motive behind the behavior.

Assertiveness Assertiveness & Focus& Focus

Normal ZoneNormal Zone

People FocusPeople Focus

Task FocusTask Focus

AggressiveAggressivePassivePassive

MotivesMotives

Normal ZoneNormal Zone

Get It Right Get It Done

Get AppreciatedGet Along

People FocusPeople Focus

Task FocusTask Focus

AggressiveAggressivePassivePassive

Normal ZoneNormal Zone

Get It Right Get It Done

Get AppreciatedGet Along

People FocusPeople Focus

Task FocusTask Focus

AggressiveAggressivePassivePassive

ControllingControlling

Attention Attention GettingGetting

ApprovalApprovalSeekingSeeking

PerfectionistPerfectionist

Gray ZoneGray Zone

BehaviorsBehaviors

BehaviorsBehaviors

NormalNormal ZoneZone

Get It Right Get It Done

Get AppreciatedGet Along

People FocusPeople Focus

Task FocusTask Focus

AggressiveAggressivePassivePassive

ControllingControlling

AttentionAttention GettingGetting

ApprovalApprovalSeekingSeeking

PerfectionistPerfectionist

Gray ZoneGray Zone

BehaviorsBehaviors

TANKTANKSNIPERSNIPER

KNOW-KNOW-IT-ALLIT-ALL

GRENADEGRENADE

SNIPERSNIPER

THINK-THEY-THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALLKNOW-IT-ALL

MAYBEMAYBEPersonPerson

YESYESPersonPerson

NOTHINGNOTHINGPersonPerson

NOTHINGNOTHINGPersonPerson

NONOPersonPerson

WHINERWHINER

PositionPosition PositionPositionIssueIssue

ConflictConflict

When people differ they When people differ they usually identify an usually identify an issueissue over over which they differ and take a which they differ and take a

positionposition on it. on it.

Choose Your PathChoose Your Path

Position-based Position-based Conflict ManagementConflict Management

One or both sides can walk away, perhaps One or both sides can walk away, perhaps avoidingavoiding the conflict. the conflict.

One or both sides can One or both sides can accommodateaccommodate, , thereby eliminating the conflict.thereby eliminating the conflict.

One or both sides can One or both sides can competecompete, which , which escalates the conflict.escalates the conflict.

One or both sides can One or both sides can compromisecompromise their their position, perhaps tempering the conflict.position, perhaps tempering the conflict.

Both sides can give the dispute to Both sides can give the dispute to someone else for a decision which will someone else for a decision which will decide the matter but which may not decide the matter but which may not resolve the conflict.resolve the conflict.

EscalateEscalate EscalateEscalate

PositionPosition PositionPositionIssueIssue(Conflict)(Conflict)

InterestsInterests InterestsInterests

No SolutionNo SolutionEnd of RelationshipEnd of Relationship

Go Below the LineGo Below the Line The focus of positional-based conflict The focus of positional-based conflict

management is management is the issue / my view on it.the issue / my view on it. In a collaborative, consensual process, the In a collaborative, consensual process, the

key is to bring interests into the key is to bring interests into the discussion… to discussion… to GOGO BELOWBELOW THETHE LINELINE!!

Moving from Moving from positionposition to to interestsinterests gives the gives the freedom to freedom to explore solutionsexplore solutions..

EscalateEscalate EscalateEscalate

PositionPosition PositionPositionIssueIssue(Conflict)(Conflict)

InterestsInterests InterestsInterests

Maintain RelationshipMaintain RelationshipConflict ResolvedConflict Resolved

No SolutionNo SolutionEnd of RelationshipEnd of Relationship

Interest-based Interest-based Conflict ManagementConflict Management

The focus moves from the The focus moves from the issueissue to the to the solution.solution.

Allows potential for:Allows potential for: Developing better, more satisfying Developing better, more satisfying

agreements.agreements. Creating greater commitment to an Creating greater commitment to an

agreement.agreement. Strengthening the parties’ relationships.Strengthening the parties’ relationships. Creating greater organizational Creating greater organizational

effectiveness.effectiveness.

The ShiftThe Shift

ISSUEISSUE

PROBLEMPROBLEM

Action PlanAction Plan Listen to understand: blend, backtrack, Listen to understand: blend, backtrack,

clarify, summarize, confirm.clarify, summarize, confirm. Speak to be understood: tone, intent, tact, Speak to be understood: tone, intent, tact,

truth, ready to listen.truth, ready to listen. Reach a deeper understanding by Reach a deeper understanding by

identifying identifying positive intentpositive intent and and highly highly valued criteriavalued criteria..

P.E.: P.E.: ProjectProject and and expectexpect the the bestbest of others. of others.

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