By: Herald C. Cruz

Effective Communication With Your Child

This is My Family

Today’s communication technology

And still, so much MISCOMMUNICATION prevails!

People who truly love each other

cannot understand each other.

Just Imagine…

The family can be…

the greatest source of JOY

and…

the greatest source of STRESS

What does a family with healthy communication

Look like?

Discussion:

“Parent-child closeness is associated with reduced adolescent pregnancy risk through teens remaining sexually abstinent, postponing intercourse, having fewer sexual partners, and using contraception more consistently “

Miller, B. C., Benson, B., & Galbraith, K. A. (2001). Family relationships and adolescent pregnancy risk: A research synthesis. Developmental Review, 21, 1–38.

COMMUNICATIO

N

MATTERS

I. Family Communication: Nurture and Control

II. Communicating Your Love: The Five Love Languages

III. Common Mistakes in Family Communication

IV. Tips for Effective Communication

Outline:

(Family Communication: Nurturing and Control in a Changing World by Beth A. Le Poire)

I. Family Communication: Nurture and Control

We all play a variety of roles in our lives

Parenting Role #1: NurtureNurturing RolesProvidersNurturersHealth Care Providers, etc

Parenting role #2: ControlControlling RolesBehavior control

Decision making

Family boundary maintenance

Financial Organization

Nurture and Control Quadrants

Nurturing Communication

Controlling Communication

Nurture and Control Quadrants

II. Communicating Your Love: The Five Love

Languages

Love Tank = Emotional Bank Acct

Deposits & WithdrawalsTheory: 5 deposits = 1 withdrawalPrimary Language

“Thanks for helping me.”“Ang galing mo!”“Great job!.”“Okay ka talaga anak.”

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Gifts

3. Acts of Service

4. Quality Time

5. Physical Touch (lambing)

30 Second Self-Assessment1.  I feel especially loved when people express how

grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do (Words of Affirmation)

2. I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me (Quality Time)

3. I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love (Gifts)

4. I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me by running errands or taking on my household chores (Acts of Service)

5. I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for me through “lambing” (Physical Touch)

How to spot your child’s love language

1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.3. Listen to what your child requests most often.4. Listen to your child’s most frequent complaints.5. Give your child a choice between two

options.

I. Family Communication: Nurture and Control

II. Communicating Your Love: The Five Love Languages

III. Common Mistakes in Family Communication

IV. Tips for Effective Communication

Outline:

III. Common Mistakes in Communication

1. Not seeing the whole picture

7% - Words

38% - Tone

55% - Body language

38% + 55% = 93% Non-verbal!

http://lifecoachesblog.com/2006/03/13/words-are-only-7-of-your-communication/

Communication is…

Samples of non-verbal communication

What feeling does this boy communicate?

2. Wrong Assumptions

ACCUSING/ BLAMING/PUT DOWNS withdrawal

EFFECTS

THREATENING

SARCASM/RIDICULE

LABELING

NAGGING/YELLING/ LECTURING

BRIBING

SHAMING/ HUMILIATING

child will not believe if you don’t follow through

stifle communication

makes label part of his self-image

parent-deaf

child is only after the reward

sense of self-worth is shattered

3. Having negative communication patterns

IV. Tips for Effective Communication

Know how to listen with your heart

Tip #1. EMPATHIZE

Goal: Learning to focus on one’s feelings versus on the fault the other

Tip #2. USE THE "I" VS. THE "YOU" MESSAGE

“You” Message• Blames or accuses child

• Conveys criticism

• Complains about total character of child

“You” – Message

“Wala ka nang magawang tama!!!!”

Non-BlamingDescribes the child’s behavior that interferes with you

Expresses how you feel about the behavior/or what you want to happen

“I” - Message

How to construct an I-MESSAGE

1.Describe the behavior.

“When you….”

2. State your feelings about the consequence of the behavior.

“…I feel…”

3. State the reason. “…because….”

STOP what you are doingLOOK them in the eyes

LISTEN attentively

Tip #3. ACTIVELY LISTEN

Actively listening through an “Open response”

acknowledge feelings

accept & understand

encouraged to say more

OPEN RESPONSE CLOSED RESPONSE

deny set aside feelings

unwilling to accept

belittled, rejectedwill not speak again

A little exercise...

I’ll never play with her again!

Forget it! She didn’t mean it, anyway.

You’re really angry with her, huh?

I can’t get my homework!

Stop complaining and just do it!

It seems very difficult for you at the moment.

Good communication takes a LOT of effort, but it can make or break our relationships

CONCLUSION

COMMUNICATION MATTERS

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