comm. in personal relationships
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Communication in Personal Relationships What is the difference between commitment and love? Is it healthy for relationships if partners don’t always want to be with each other? What kinds of communication sustain long-distance friendships and romances? Are most romantic relationships equitable for women and men? How can couples communicate effectively about safer sex? Comm. in Personal RelationshipsTRANSCRIPT
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Comm. in Personal Relationships1
Imagine that… suddenly……. you lose your family,have no close friendsand no romantic partner…….
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Communication inPersonal Relationships
1. What is the difference between commitment and love?
2. Is it healthy for relationships if partners don’t always want to be with each other?
3. What kinds of communication sustain long-distance friendships and romances?
4. Are most romantic relationships equitable for women and men?
5. How can couples communicate effectively about safer sex?
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Understanding Personal Relationships Personal relationship: A voluntary commitm
ent between irreplaceable individuals who are influenced by rules, relationship dialectics, and surrounding contexts.
Features of personal relationships Uniqueness (see next slides) Commitment Relationship rules Embeddedness in contexts Relationship Dialectics
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Features of Personal Relationships Uniqueness
Social relationship vs. Personal relationship Connection defined by particular people and
what they create Commitment
A decision to remain with relationship, intention to share with the future
Passion (an intense feeling), Investment
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Features of Personal Relationships Relationship Rules
Guiding communication and interaction; unspoken understanding
Constitutive rules: Meanings in various communication
Regulative rules: When and with whom specified; “shalt not” in marriage, religious groups
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Features of Personal Relationships Embeddednes in contexts (social)
Surroundings influence interactionsNorms in groups, family, raceParticular others & generalized othersApproval and disapprovalIncreasing cultural diversity
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Features of Personal Relationships Relationship dialectics: Opposing vs.
Continuous tensionsAutonomy / Connection
• Wanting to be separated and connectedNovelty / Predictability
• Wanting routines and noveltyOpenness/ Closedness
• Desires to be open and to maintain privacy
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Four Ways to Deal with Dialectical Tensions Neutralization
Negotiating a balance Separation
Favoring one and ignoring the other Segmentation
Assigning spheres Reframing
Redefining contradictions
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Evolutionary Course ofFriendship (6 stages)
1. Usually begins with role-limited interaction2. Friendly relations
Common ground and interest3. Moving toward friendship
Stepping beyond social roles4. Nascent friendship
Increased involvement and caring5. Stabilized friendship
Shared assumption of continuity & trust6. Waning friendship
Ceased being committed see p. 232: Rules of friendship
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Evolutionary Course ofRomantic Relationship (3 phases)
Escalating (see next slides)Typically six stages
NavigatingOngoing process of communication to
sustain intimacy over time Deteriorating
Intimacy weakens, dissatisfaction mounts
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Escalating (6 stages)
Individuals not interacting Invitational communication
Proximity & Similarity Exploratory communication Intensifying communication
Involves idealized (more than real; euphoria), personalized communication (private codes)
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Escalating
Revising communicationComing down to talk about strengths,
problems, the futureNegotiation, even conflicts
CommitmentDecision to stay with a relationship
permanently
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Navigating
On-going process Dynamic (not stable), working through
new problems Relationship culture: The nucleus
A private worldRules, understandings, patterns…Usually unspoken
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Deteriorating (5 phases)
Dyadic breakdown Degeneration of relationship culture Gender differences (p. 242)
Intrapsychic phase Brooding about problems, thinking about alte
rnatives; self-fulfilling prophesy happens Dyadic phase
Not always occur, tends to involve conflict Avoiding talking about problems Cyclical pattern in breaking up (undergraduat
es in a study)
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Deteriorating
Social phaseHow to explain breakupSeeking social support
Grave dressingBurying the relationship, accepting its
end
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Styles of Loving (p. 240)
Eros 激情 ; 強烈 passionate, intense Storge 知己 ; 益友 “ best friends” love Ludus 遊嬉 ; 挑戰 playful, manipulative Mania 狂熱 ; 極端 unsettling, emotional Agape 無我無私 selfless, devoted Pragma 務實 ; 理性 goal-oriented, practic
al
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Challenges inPersonal Relationship Dealing with distance (see 246 for coping strategies)
Lack of daily communication Unrealistic expectation for time together
Managing dual-career relationship Lack of equity Women with more psychological responsibilities
Avoiding violence and abuse between intimates Violence seldom stops without intervention Predictable cycle (p. 248)
Negotiating safer sex HIV (AIDS) awareness More difficult to talk about sex than to engage in it Under influence of alcohol or drugs
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一則新聞 戀愛時的大腦反應… . 女想感情 男想性