EWRT 1A Class 9

AGENDAWriting Workshop: 20 points. Revision strategies Review: MLA Format Editing Strategies:

wordiness and compound sentences

In-Class Writing: Writing Workshop Editing

Writing Workshop: Revision strategies

Choose a partner

Read both essays aloud before you start to write about or discuss the essays.

On separate sheets of paper, answer all of the questions from the handout for your partner’s essay.

When you finish, return your comments to the writer.

When you get your essay back, read the comments and determine how you might remedy any issues.

MLA Formatting Style:

Setting up your paper

MLA format: on our website under “MLA Guidelines.”

MLA (Modern Language Association) style is most commonly used to write papers and cite sources within the liberal arts and humanities.

MLA style specifies guidelines for formatting manuscripts and using the English language in writing. MLA style also provides writers with a system for referencing their sources through parenthetical citation in their essays and Works Cited pages.

Writers who properly use MLA also build their credibility by demonstrating accountability to their source material. Most importantly, the use of MLA style can protect writers from accusations of plagiarism, which is the purposeful or accidental uncredited use of source material by other writers.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/

Paper Format

Margins and Formatting

Double Click in Header Area

Type your last name

Justify right

Go to “insert” and click on “page number

Header: Last Name 1

1” all around

Go to “Layout” and adjust margins or use custom settings

Times New Roman 12

Indent body paragraphs ½ inch from the margin

Heading: Double Spaced

Your Name

Dr. Kim Palmore

EWRT 1A

15 July 2015

Title

Original Title (not the title of the essay we read)

No italics, bold, underline, or quotation marks

Centered on the page

No extra spaces (just double spaced after your heading and before the body of your text.

Making A Works Cited Page MLA Style

Ensure that you have a properly formatted works cited page

Collins, Suzanne. The Hunger Games. New York: Scholastic Press, 2008. Print.

Student 6

Sentence level Writing Errors

Please use your clean copy to address the following issues.

Wordiness

Many people write wordy papers because they are trying to make their ideas sound important by using long words and intricate sentences. They think that their writing must be complicated to seem professional. Although these writers are trying to impress their readers, they often end up confusing them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand. Your ideas are much more impressive when your reader does not have to fight to understand you.

Wordiness: using more words than necessary to express thought.

Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and

genuine redundancy as the following examples show:

Redundant The printer is located

adjacent to the computer

The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of the computer

The user can visibly see the image moving

He wore a shirt that was blue in color

The input is suitably processed

Not Redundant The printer is adjacent to the

computer

The printer is near the computer

The user can see the image moving

He wore a blue shirt.

The input is processed

Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning!

The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.

How to reduce wordiness!

1. Reduce Long Clauses

When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases:

Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

2. Reduce Phrases

Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words:

Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight.

Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.

Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies

3. Avoid Empty Openers

Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:

Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.

Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.

Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.

Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.

4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers

Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.

Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired.

Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted

Wordy: She was also really hungry.

Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].

Eliminating Wordiness

5. Avoid Redundancies

Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out!

Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.

Revised: Now we should edit our work.

Try these! 1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family.

2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.

3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know one.

4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.

5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.

Possible Answers1. He dropped out of school to support his family.

2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days.

3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways.

4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie.

5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

Find a Wordy Sentence

Check your essay for wordiness. Look for a sentence that falls into one of the categories we just discussed. Edit it for clarity and conciseness.

Punctuation

Compound Sentence

A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple sentences joined by one of the following:

A comma and a coordinating conjunction

I like to study grammar, and I love this class.

A semicolon

I like to study grammar; I love this class.

A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction

I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this class.

Coordinating Conjunctions

Coordinating Conjunctions are used to join together two independent clauses.

For

And

Nor

But

Or

Yet

So

COMPOUND SENTENCE:adverbial conjunctions

MOREOVER

HOWEVER

NEVERTHELESS

OTHERWISE

THEREFORE

COMPOUND SENTENCE:CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS

I don’t think you understand punctuation; therefore, we need to review.

I taught you how to write with adverbial conjunctions last week; however, most of you

did not do it correctly in your essays.

Clause 1 Clause 2

Independent Independent

Look for Run-On Sentences

Look for compound sentences in your essay. Make sure you are using both a comma and a conjunction. Example: , and

Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure you have punctuated those sentences correctly. Example ; however,

Writing Tips

Write about literature in present tense

Write about your experience in past tense

Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and “anything.”

Avoid writing in second person. (Don’t use “you” unless it is in dialogue.

Surface Revision Strategies

Read Aloud

Reading the paper aloud slowly can often bring to attention large and small mistakes missed in the writing and typing process. Read each sentence and ask does it make sense? Is it awkward? Am I including words that are not actually written on the paper? Sometimes reading the paper out of order can help isolate problems. Try reading the paragraphs starting with the last sentence and then reading the previous sentence and so on; this can reveal problems in the sentences.

Isolate Specific Problems

Isolating specific problems can help give objectivity to one's personal work. One way to isolate specific issues is to circle them on a paper draft and look at them one by one. For example: circle all commas and then go back and look at each comma asking if it is in the appropriate place with the correct usage. Another example would be to circle all verbs and then go back one by one and identify the tense and verify subject verb agreement.

 

Essay SubmissionsAll out of class essays are to be submitted to me electronically

before the class period in which they are due.

1. Before you submit your essay, please save your file as your last name and the number 2, like this: Smith 2. This will help me keep your essays organized.

Smith 2

2. Submit your essay through Kaizena, a Google Drive add-on, at https://kaizena.com/palmoreessaysubmissiongmail. Or simply use the link on our class website home page.

This system allows me to respond to your essay with both voice and written comments and to insert helpful links. 

3. Sign in to your Google Account,

and allow Kaizena access to your Google Drive.

4. Click on the “Request Feedback from Dr. Kim Palmore” link.

5. Choose your document from your Google Drive. You will be directed to a new page to choose a delivery box from a drop down menu.

6. Add your essay to the appropriate EWRT 1A box (Essay #2, #3, or #4) from the drop down menu. Then, click the “Ask for feedback” button again.

7. Once I have graded your paper, you may view it by going to the conversations between us on the Kaizena page.

8. Click on the highlighted sections of the paper to find both audio and written comments concerning your essay and links to materials that will help you improve your writing.

If you cannot submit your paper through

Kaizena before the due date and time. Email your essay as an attachment (don’t share it as a

Google doc) to palmorekim@fhda.edu.

You must send the attachment before the due date, or your essay will be considered late, so do not dawdle.

You must still submit it as a Kaizena document; the attachment merely gets you time to figure out the process if you are having trouble.

I suggest planning ahead. Do not wait until the last minute!

You may submit a test document to the folder marked “Testing” if you want to do an early run through to avoid problems.

HOMEWORK Read: SMG 134-148 Writing a Concept Essay

Write: Using the comments you received from your readers, revise and edit Essay #2.

Post #9: Post two versions of a section of your essay that demonstrates your revision and editing strategies.

Submit Essay #2: Due electronically via Kaizena before class 11. Your paper must be in MLA format.