Marriage and Money Matters

By Ed Coambs

Modern Day Tragedy

Success at the things that don’t matterTim Clinton, AACC President

What Matters Then?What do we all want from money?

* Wealth, Prosperity, Freedom

No, it is peace. What does financial peace mean as a Christian? The ability to do what God has called you to do.

A Model for Well Being

Adapted from Catherin Hart Weber

Baptism in

Christ

Social Emotional

Financial

PhysicalVocational

Intellectual

Telling yourself the truth

How do you see yourself*****

How do others see you*****

Marriage and Money Argument Cycle

3 F’s of Financial Influence

Money Does Grow on Trees

On your family tree

What money patterns, beliefs, values have been passed down from generation to generation

We need look no further then our common groupings of the poor, middle class, and wealthy

Rules that govern the patterns of interaction and decision making

May rules are implicit, i.e. not stated directly

How much money is growing on your family tree?

Patterns of Poor Money Decisions

Emotional Behavioral Cognitive Relational

Bad Money Decisions

Patterns of Good Money Decisions

Emotional Behavioral Cognitive Relational

Good Money Decisions

The Rope of Life

Focusing on your past, present and future as forming your rope of life will give you strength, but if you ignore any of these aspects of life

then your rope will be weakened.

Financial Independence vs. Financial Interdependence

Financial Independence says that at some point you can have enough money that you will never have to worry about being supported

Financial Interdependence says that we live in a network of people, and count on them to maintain financial security

Independence vs. Interdependence

More Money Will Not Solve Your PROBLEMS

Amt of $

Extreme Poor Wealthy

Number of Decisions

Multiple Streams of Love form Rich Relationships

How Money Mature Are You?

Infant Behaves in a completely dependent manner, requires full financial support

Toddler - Exercises little self control, and often makes poor decisions requiring guidance. - Demonstrates little knowledge of how money works

Adolescent – Only thinking of self

-Starting to make wiser choices about where and when to use money.- Keeps some savings, but not enough to support themselves in case of an emergency.- Understands basic financial concepts such as savings and checking. -Money identity; The things I own define who I am

How Money Mature Are You?

Young Adult – Considers needs of other family members

-Learning to make wiser choices, but still make a poor decision from time to time-Looking to the future and is saving.-Using a checking and savings account without a problem-Starting to give away money from time to time-Proper insurances in place-Has a basic understanding of investing and taxes-Sees money as a source of identity

Mature Adult – Thinks of family, self, & community

-Consistently makes wise choices-Has control over debt management-Regularly saving, investing and giving money away-Understands investing, insurance and has an estate plan-Questions money as a source of identity

How Money Mature Are You?

Senior Adult – Knows needs of family, self & community

-Is looking to leave a legacy-Has confidence in their financial security-Regularly works with financial professionals to plan for the future-Does not see money as a source of their significance, but rather as a tool to create value for others

Components of a Great Financial Plan

GodFinancial Plan

Investments

Insurance

Checking a

nd Savin

gs

Estate

Plan

Emotions

Relationsh

ips

Beliefs

Values

Desires

BehaviorsGoals

4 Most Important Financial Statements

You + Christ = True Worth

Statement of Personal Accomplishments

What you own – What you owe = Net worth

Commanders intent budget

True Worth Misguided

Balance

Father

Husband StudentCounselor in training

God

Imago Dei

Earthly Identity

Heavenly Identity

True Worth Aligned

Balance

Father

Husband StudentCounselor

in training

God

Imago Dei

Earthly Identity

Heavenly Identity

Statement of Personal Accomplishments

Understanding Net Worth

Tangible Assets Tangible Liabilities

Assets = What you own Liabilities = What you owe

Increasing Assets = Home and Investments

Increasing Liabilities = Unpaid debt, often credit cards

Decreasing Assets = Cars, Boats, etc.

Decreasing Liabilities = Mortgage, Student Loan, Car Loan.

Understanding Net Worth

Intangible Assets Intangible Liabilities

Assets = Relationships Liabilities = Relationships

Increasing Assets = Family, Job, Faith, Friendships

Increasing Liabilities = Bad/broken relationships, poor job fit

Net WorthExample

What I Own $ What I Owe $

Home Value 200,000 Mortgage 150,000

Car Value 15,000 Car Loan 3,000

Checking and Savings

5,000 Credit Card Debt

3,000

Investments 40,000 Student Loan 30,000

Other 1,000 Other 500

Total 261,000 Total 186,500

Net Worth 261,000 – 185,600

= 75,400

Getting Budgeting RightBalance

Understanding

Direction

Gifts

Extra

Time

Commanders Intent Budget

Know your fixed expenses

Be flexible with your variable expenses

The battle plan will change throughout the month. Remain flexible

Know your total resources for any given month

Pay Increase to Bump the Budget

Generosity Works

Robert Emmons of U.C. Davis a researcher of GRATITUDE has found that people who regularly practice attitudes of gratitude on average have a 7% higher income level.

Take Homes on Gratitude1. Life is a continual invitation to gratitude

2. Gratitude is a choice that we aim for (attention, intention, memory)

3. Gratitude is the best approach to life

On Saving- Just because you buy stuff on sale does not

mean you are a great saver.

- Ex. Walking in to Target to get milk and come out also with a new shirt for 50% off.

- You are someone that can buy things marked down in price, which is just a gimmick to get you to buy

On Saving ContinuedSomeone who is a great saver can start with a

$100 at one point.

Then at another predetermined point have a larger amount of money like $200.

If they are a great saver, they will continue this process

On Investing for the Future

PUT TOGETHER A SLIDE ON THE POWER OF COMPOUNDING INTEREST

Money TriggersMoney triggers cause you to buy things with out

thinking

You see a sale sign, you do what?

You go to the movies, you buy what?

You go out to eat, what happens?

On the internet, what is happening?

Money TriggersEverything has a label

Money triggers play on our senses of feelings and emotions, not logic.

We use logic to justify the purchase after we have been triggered

Why are all the deserts out in front at Panera?

Dealing with Money Triggers

Carry no cash, debit cards, or credit cards for a few days and see how many times you go to buy something without thinking.

Something less extreme, carry only enough cash for what you intend to buy for that day. Try this for a week.

Legacy“When we forget who we are, we forget what to do.

When we remember who we are, we know what to do” Mark Driscol

Who are we then and why spend all this time talking about money?

Because we are children of God and the actions and decisions we take with the money God has entrusted us with, reflect who we are and what we stand for.

Are you using wealth for your kingdom or His?

Keeping Perspective God has not called us to impress people, but rather impact

people, make an impact not an impression. Rick Rigsby

Ego is the anesthesia that numbs the pain of stupidity. Rick

Rigsby

In our culture it is so much better to appear good then be good. Rick Rigsby

A tattered Bible, an empty closet (metaphorical and literal) Charles Spergeon

God is a process oriented God, yet we live in an outcome oriented world. Rick Rigsby

Confusion is my friend, some of my best insights have come out of confusion. Donald Harvey

Parking LotMoney is a control issue like eating disorders,

ultimately people are trying to seek control.

Transition from checkbooks to check cards, no longer do you have to document you checking balance because you can always check online. In the checkbook days if you did not keep your balance you where lost until the end of the month.

Parking Lot Cont.It’s the subtle money decisions that are derailing

many families from accomplishing their financial goals and desires, not always the one big bad decision. Think of a ripple effect and how secret shopping, splurge purchases, and the extra 10% you spend with out realizing it. There is a lot of money going down the drain and creating no meaningful impact in your life or the life of others.

Parking Lot Cont.Money Blind Spots

Financial Infidelity

Retail Therapy

Technology and money