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Heidi H. Stoddard, PsyD

Describe similarities and differences between the grief of children and adults

List and define developmental stages that affect grieving

Describe strategies that are effective in helping each age group cope with grief

Objectives

Grief is not pathology

Responses vary depending on the relationship with the deceased

Cultural differences

Initial denial response

Emotions (e.g. guilt, sadness, anger)

Physical symptoms

Difficulty concentrating

Similarities in Grief

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Kids less immersed in emotions; happen more in spurts

Asking questions intermittently; repeating the same questions

Behavioral regression

Nightmares

Fear of additional losses

Differences Between Child and Adult Grief

Newborn to 3 years

Cannot comprehend concept of death

Do sense changes and emotions

Developmental Stages and Grief

3 to 6 years

Death viewed as reversible and temporary

May not seem affected because expect return

Developmental Stages

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6-12 years

Aware that death is final

Tendency to personify death

More aware of the impact on them personally

May show more anger, guilt, and grief

Developmental Stages

12-18 years

Capacity to understand meaning of death

Developing own philosophical views of life and death

Caution! Don’t assume they can handle their grief on their own

Developmental Stages

Allow and respect expression of emotions

Allow time and listen actively

Answer questions honestly- don’t answer what isn’t asked

Realize cause of death will affect responses

Strategies that Facilitate Coping

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Encourage peer group friendships, “normal” activities

Involve teachers, other adult supports

Expect differences within age groups

Strategies

Complicated grief can happen

Red flag behaviors persisting over several months

Resources and strategies-depending on developmental stage

Art therapy

Play therapy

Writing activities

Talk therapy (individual, group, or family)

Other Notes

Questions?

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Doka, K. J. (1995) Children mourning – mourning children. Washington, DC. The Hospice Foundation of America.

Grollman, E.A. (ed). (1995) Bereaved children and teens: A support guide for parents and professionals. Boston, MA. Beacon Press.

Schaefer, D. & Lyons, C. (1993) How do we tell the children? New York, NY. New York Press.

References

Wolfelt, A. (1994) Helping children cope with grief. Burnsville, N.C. Accelerated Development, Inc.

Worden, W. (1996) Children and grief: When a parent dies. New York, N.Y. Guilford Press.

References