chet's mix

7/29/2019 chet's mix

1/21

Prude Dude: Chets Mix

[Scene opens on close up of Charlie sitting on far left of futon with bowl of Cheetos

watching tv, can hear tv in the background]

Zack: Pass the Cheetos

[Charlie passes the Cheetos to his immediate right, but Zack is not seen]

Chet: Pass the Cheetos

[Camera zooms out to show Charlie and Zack. Zack does not pass the Cheetos]

Charlie: Pass the Cheetos

[Zack passes the Cheetos back to Charlie]


[Charlie does not pass the Cheetos]

Zack: Pass the Cheetos

[Charlie passes the Cheetos to Zack]


[Zack passes the Cheetos to Chet, who is off camera]

Charlie: Pass the Cheetos

[The bowl is passed back to Charlie, but it is not Cheetos. Charlie sticks his hand in thebowl and is surprised]

Charlie: I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I KNOW ITS NOT CHEETOS

[Camera 2 shows angle of futon so all three guys can be seen. Chet sits up and explains]

Chet: Exactly because Cheetos are dumb and bad for you, this is

Charlie: Sticky is what it is!

Zack: Are those walnuts or chocolate?!

Chet: Neither, its my own creation! I call it Chets Mix!


2/21

[Camera 1]

Charlie: Why do you hafta ruin a good snack bowl with THIS!

[Zack leans in and sniffs]

Zack: Eww it smells like day old muff.

[Camera 2]

Chet: Guys just give it a chance! The ingredients

Zack: Smell like day old muff, what part doesnt gross you on?

Charlie: Am I touching meat? IS THERE MEAT IN HERE

Chet: Well of course!

[Chet stands up facing the guys, this angle becomes camera 2]

Chet: See all snack foods have the same corny crunch without the punch, or theflavor, or any of the scrump-to-tituous fixins that I love! So I decided to make myown snack food. As with any good meal, I started out with the obvious choice, beginstrips

[Chet holds up begginstrips bag. Switches to camera 1]

Zack: You lightweight that says BEGGIN strips!

Charlie: Im touching dog food?!

Zack: Thats not the WORST quality meat youve touched ah ah ah, get it? Cuz YOURdick sucks!

[Camera 2]

Chet: Nuh uh this says BEGIN strips, you pronounce it beg-ginoh

[Camera 1]

Zack: You know what I kinda like this snack already. I think I should be thespokesperson, since the ladies are already BEGGIN me to STRIP eh heh heh yeahhhh

[Camera 2]


3/21

Chet: Well you cant, Im entering it into a nationwide contest where the best snackfood wins and gets picked up and distributed and eaten and loved and Im gonna

win Im gonna win! [Chet starts jumping up and down excitedly]

[Camera 1]

Zack[Appearing hurt]: SoIve been stripping for nothing? [Charlie beings talking,and Zack says Oh yeahmuff after a second or two]

Charlie: Chet if THIS is what youre gonna to be entering theres NO WAY you can

win! Now someone get my hand out of here so I donthafta feel it touching meanymore.

[Zack smugly volunteers and grabs Charlies hand. He pulls it up out of the bowl and

they see that Charlies hand is covered in a sticky, caramel-like substance]

Zack and Charlie together: HYUHHHH

[Intro scene]

[Scene opens on Chet and Charlie behind their own Chets Mix stand with a couple

customers]

Chet: See Charlie I told you this would sell

Charlie: Its just to the neighborhood stoners, its not even citywide yet

Chet: Oh yeah? Well Ill bet two bags of Chets Mix that itll get citywide within the

DAY

Charlie: I dont want any

[Zack approaches the stand in exercise gear holding flyers]

Zack: Phewguys, okso I just swagged across the block and through the grocerystorephew, man, Im hotand I put up most of the flyers and people seemed toreally notice ya know like especially when I put them in their baby carriages andshopping bagslike the ladies, especially the moms, were forreal looking at me so Ithink the words getting out ya know so I think Im gonna go put them up more ya

know cuz I gotta keep up this pace if the moms want me

[Zack runs off]

Charlie: Uhalright, nice update Zack, jeez

Chet: I know. Love the spirit on that kid, he really believes in our cause


4/21

[Camera below Zack facing up while so that it moves forward while Zack is running]

Zack[As if speaking to people on street and handing out flyers]: AhaYeeeahAlrighOoo thats rightMm Zack yeah

[Camera stops as Zack passes Nikolai]

[Nikolai picks up a flyer and puts it in his grocery bags, continues walking]

[Camera and scene change to Nikolai walking down a different street and into a

house]

[Nikolai is now inside and walks passed a shelf littered with what is assumed to have

been past experiments such as vodka, candy, etc.]

[Nikolai walks to a table covered in test tubes, beakers, and other science stuff. His

assistant is carefully mixing two liquids together. Nikolai begins unloading thegroceries: Cheetos, bbq chips, salt, vinegar, crushed red pepper, Beggin strips, etc.]

Nikolai: Be careful, those are very volatile ingredients. And were out of napkins.

Assistant: Yes sir. I think this batch is going to be our finest. Did you forget the salt?

Nikolai: Of course I got the saltwho do I look like, you?

[Assistant pours the mixture into another beaker as Nikolai puts a small amount of

salt into a bowl. He adds crushed red pepper and some Beggin Strips. Pours in the rest

of the salt. Smashes together. Adds to mixture in beaker, shakes, and pours into a tray.What comes out is not liquid but is instead his snack mix]

[Nikolai picks up some of the snack and puts it into the Deliciousness Meter]

[Camera shows Nikolai happily holding the bag of Beggin Strips. He kisses the bag]

Nikolai: Now we should be

[Close up of Deliciousness Meter shows 84% deliciousness, 16% icky]

Nikolai: WHAT how is it so low! This cant be! I added the salt, the pepper, what did Ido wrong!

Assistant: Did you forget the corn syrup?

[Nikolai looks shocked]

Assistant: You forgot the corn syrup. And thats why this batch isnt good


5/21

[Pause]

Nikolai: I will skin you.

[Assistant looks through Nikolais bag, finds flyer]

Assistant: Hey whats this? A rival snack mix in the area?

Nikolai: I forgot! Quick, what do they say about it?

Assistant: Quality snacks from a quality Chet

Nikolai: Ok what elsedoes it mention the taste?

Assistant: Tastes like quality

Nikolai: Idiots!the ingredients?!

Assistant: Quality

Nikolai: Ahh these are SMART idiots! But thats fine; well figure it out. Go pick up a

sample and bring it back, Ill start up the Ingredientometer. Make haste!!!

Assistant: Can I change my tampon first?

[Pause]

Nikolai: I WILL skin you

[Scene opens up with Zack and Charlie at the Chets Mix stand with a line of customers]

Zack: Alright alright everyone! The price has gone up from $3 to $4! Pay up sluts.

Charlie [to Zack]: What are you talking about? Chet didnt

[Zack covers Charlies mouth]

Zack: Hush Chargay, this way if WE up the prices while Chets away then I can take

the extra cash!

Charlie [Puzzled]: But what do I get out of this?

Zack: Uhh Ill give you three bags of Chets Mix

Charlie: I dont want any


6/21

[Assistant comes up to the booth from the side, approaches Zack while Charlie handles

a customer]

Assistant: Heyyyy theeeerrrre

Zack: Well well well what do we have here?

Assistant[Giggling, flirty]: Hee hee oh Im just

Zack: Face bout a 5 boobs bout a 6 hands bout a 8hey sweetcheeks how boutchaturn around and lemme see them sweet cheeks

[Assistant looks appalled, shocked, confused]

Zack: Cmon just turn around

Assistant: Uhh

Zack[Pitifully]: Please

[Charlie takes cash from a customer and hands a bag to him. Customer #2 steps up]

Assistant: I-I mean sure, I dont mind, especially not for a handsome guy like youuuu

[Assistant turns around, Zack takes a look]

Zack[Unimpressed]: Kay you can turn around now. What do you want?

[Customer #2 holds up 3 fingers, Charlie holds his hand out to collect cash]

Assistant: Oh I was just in the neighborhood and I saw you had a nice little standaaaand I was wondering what you had to offer, if you know what I meannn

Zack[Abruptly]: 9 minutes.

[Customer #2 searchers pockets to no avail and pulls out a credit card]

Assistant: Uhno, the sta

Zack: Oh duhh, pshh. Well its a snack called Chets Mix, its pretty good, sellin pretty

good ya know, makin me lots of money [Flashes money] ya know, feelin pretty good

Assistant: Oooo sounds delightfulllll! Think I could, oh I dont know, have a bite? Or ahandful?

[Charlie shakes his head and hands saying no, but Customer #2 is pushy]


7/21

Zack: 6 bucks will get you a bag, or you can give me 5 under the table and Ill let you

take a bite of MY handful [Very creepily] heh heh heh

Assistant: Oooo my my my! Well Ill just take a bag for nowww hotty

[Charlie insists to the cash ass or mustache sign (ass and mustache are crossed out)but Customer #2 keeps holding out his credit card]

Zack: So you dont want my junk? Thats cool, yeah, I didnt want you to have itanyway ya know, so like, uh huh, yeah, whatever

Assistant: Oh no no no no honey! Let me get the bag nowww and thennnhere, letme give you my number so we can talk

[Charlie takes the credit card and throws it into the distance and gives Customer #2 a

whatcha gonna do face. Customer #2 leaves scene]

Zack: Fine, I GUESS thatll hafta do. 7 bucks

Assistant: But I thought you said

Zack: NO MOUTH NO DEAL

[Assistant pays up, takes bag, walks away]

[Customer #2 returns with the card and insists on its use. Charlie becomes infuriated]

Charlie: ARE YOU KIDDING MECHET! Get over here!

[Chet returns holding an abacas, a bag of money, and wearing a bankers visor]

Chet: What?

Zack: That girl didnt wanna blow me!

Chet: WHAT!

Charlie: This guy keeps trying to pay with his credit card!

Chet: What! Was he out of cash ass and mustache?!

[The three keep bickering as Assistant is walking away fast]

Assistant: Idiots

[Scene opens up back in the lab with Nikolai working on the Deliciousness Meter]


8/21

Assistant: Ive returned!

Nikolai: Dammit

Assistant: And Ive brought Chets Mix!

Nikolai: Great! Now, load it into the Deliciousness Meter!

[Assistant opens a bag and dumps it in. Nikolai rubs his hands together in anticipation]

Nikolai: Cmon Cmonnnn

[Close up of Deliciousness Meter reads 92% deliciousness, 8% muff]

[Nikolai and Assistant say each of their next line at the same time]

Nikolai: 92%! HOW!

Assistant: 8%! HOW!

Nikolai: This cant betheres no way!I mean I meanfor crusts sake I went toculinary school!

Assistant: How do they get that muchI dont even have 8%!

[Nikolai grabs the bag and pours some into his hand, then eats it. After a couple

munches he spits it out into his hand]

Nikolai: Bihtheywuh

Assistant: Huh?

Nikolai: Begin Strips! Its Begin Strips! Look! Those idiots! Not again!

Assistant: Again?

Nikolai: Alrightoknew planweskin them

[Pause]

Assistant: Shouldnt we just kill them?

Nikolai: Its the same thing, dammit, youll pretty much be dead if you dont have

skinyoud just, just, lack skindo you want to find out for yourself? I wouldntmind skinning you too!


9/21

Assistant: Alright, heyy ok, Im just sayin

[Intense stare and pause before scene switch]

[Scene opens up to Customer #2 and Clerkbehind the Chets Mix stand with a lot of

customers around. Nikolai rushes into frame]

Nikolai: So Chet, you think youre gonna win huh?

Customer #2 [Laughing]: Oh Im not Chet, Im nowhere NEAR worthy. How manybags do you want?

Nikolai: If youre not Chet then where is he? I havematters to discuss

Customer #2: They had to open a second stand cuz the biz was getting so popular.

[Quick scene of the second Chets Mix stand. No customers anywhere. Chet is lookingaround with hands on his hips]

Customer #2: How many bags was that? [Reaches towards some bags]

Nikolai: None! Where is this new stand?!

Customer #2 [Firmly]: Why? We have Chets Mix right here

Nikolai: I HAVE MATTERS TO DISCUSS!!!

Customer #2 [More firmly]: Sir, I am trying to help you. You do not need to go there.We have Chets Mix right here. Now. How. Many. Bags?

[Pause]

[Nikolai throws many bags of Chets Mix on the ground and runs away]

[Customer #2 pulls out a walkie-talkie and speaks into it]

Customer #2: Chet! The Man is after you! Something about a mattress! And hedisrespected Chets Mix!

[Scene changes to the second Chets Mix stand]

Charlie: WAAHHH! Guys, we gotta gallop outta here!

Chet: But the Chets Mix!

Zack: Nah fuck this, theres no babeswe NEED babes!


10/21

Charlie: Come on lets go we dont have much time!

[Charlie and Zack take off while Chet grabs as many bags of Chets Mix that will fit in

his arms]

[Nikolai and Assistant are in the car driving fast towards the guys. Camera angle isshowing the front of the car with them inside. Nikolai is pointing ahead]

Nikolai: There they are! Get them! Get them!

[Camera is showing Charlie and Zack running down the street with Chet trailing and

dropping a few bags of Chets Mix]

Chet: Guys! Help me carry thi

Charlie and Zack together: NO!

[Camera is showing front of car pointing upwards as if camera is almost about to get

ran over]

[Camera is inside of car showing both. Nikolai is sharpening a knife]

Nikolai: Skin! Skin! Skin!

[Assistant rolls her eyes]

[Camera is showing front view of the guys running, Charlie and Zack in front and Chet

a little far behind. The car is visibly close now]

Chet: Guys! Grab some!

[Chet beings throwing bags ofChets Mix at Charlie and Zack, hitting their backs and

heads]

Zack: [To Chet] Quit being a douche and just carry them! [Pause, then To Charlie] Iguess I shoulda said tampon, ya know, cuz they like, hold muff blood

[Charlie begins gagging hard]

[Camera is closer to Chet. Chettrips on a bag of Chets Mix. Car is really close now]

Chet: [Whiny]Guuyyyyysss [Now more aggressive]Well if you dont want in then Iguess THAT is THAT!!!

[Charlie and Zack stop and turn around]


11/21

[Camera goes to Chet, and Nikolai is sticking out of the car as much as possible

pointing]

Charlie: CHEEETTTTT!!!!

[Camera pans to Chets confused face, then he turns around. Camera in slow motionshows the back of Chet and the approaching car with Nikolai sticking far out of the car

with a net in hand]

[Close of Charlie and Zack. Charlie is concerned, Zack is less concerned. Zooms in on

Charlie as he shouts]

Charlie: YOURE DUUUUUMB!!!!

[Camera back to Chet and car. Nikolai throws the net. Camera shows above view of

Chet with arms outstretched]

Chet: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[Camera switches to net in air. Camera switches to Chet. Camera switches to Nikolai,

stone faced. Camera switches to close up of Nikolai without showing mouth]

Nikolai: Idiot

[Camera is same close up of Nikolai. Nikolai shuts eyes heavily; Chets voice stops at

same time]

[Camera shows Chet on back with arms and legs in air kicking net like a cat]

[Camera goes to view of Charlie and Zack]

[Pause]

Charlie: We gotta stick

Zack: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF [Throws Charlie on the ground, runs away]

Charlie: Youre no longer my friend!

Zack[In background]: Finally!

[Assistant and Nikolai walk into scene with duct tape in their hands. Charlie notices

them and starts panicking and scooting away. The camera shows the sky as Charlie

lets out a pathetic scream]


12/21

[Camera is now showing the backs of Nikolai and Assistant tying up Charlie and Chet

to chairs. They finish and walk away]

Nikolai: Good, almost all the idiots.

Chet: Were not that dumb!

Nikolai: Silence! [Pulls out a gun] I will hear no more of this!this, this, NONsense![Begins pacing] All my life I have been trying to create delicious thingsfoods,drinks, candiesI even made up a catch phrase for my future company: Nikolais;the snacks that dont lie. How genius is that? How much money could I have madeoff of my ideas?

Chet: Id buy them

Nikolai: SHUT!

Chet[Offended]: What? I dont like snacks that lie!

Assistant: Hes got a point

[Nikolai quickly turns to Assistant]

Nikolai: You think Im kidding dont you? I HAVE the knife sharpenedIll get it outif you want me to

[Assistant looks at the ground and shrugs like psh idunno what youre talking about]

[Nikolai looks back to Chet]

Nikolai: But now I am realizing that all of that is just a dream. I will continue to belooked over. I will continue to be thrown out. My marketing ventures, trashed. Iused to deliver my candy around in my very own Nikolais Candy Van. IIremember during one trip, I was giving a sample of my Nikolais Sugar Screws tosome children who just came out of a candy shop. The Screws were flawless; theywere everything the competitors werefruity, minty, tangy, sour, chocolatey. I gavea handful to each child. I said, these are better than those candies you just bought,and you know what they said? They said, We need an adult,

Charlie: Reasonable

Nikolai: And then they called me a faggot

Chet: Daily occurrence for me

Charlie: Hourly


13/21

Nikolai: Thats not the point! The point is, everything I do, Im always behind. Everysnack I make, it already exists. It gets so aggravatinghaving so much ambition forsomething, only to find out that there are millions of others going for the same thing.

Charlie: Did you ever think of trying something else? A different job maybe?

Nikolai: Who do you think youre talking toa man WITHOUT a gun? Look at thisthis is a gun, I have itI have a gungoddammit!

Charlie [Whimpering]: Im sorry Im sorrywhat about thehave you heard aboutthe snack mix competition? The best snack mix in the nation wins

Nikolai: Global distribution, I know. I was planning on entering it, until I found outthat you idiots copied my idea.

Chet: What?! Youre making Chets Mix?You bastard! Youll never away with this!

Nikolai: Not entirely, but the base ingredient

[Chet and Charlie look puzzled]

Nikolai: The perfect beginner

[Chet and Charlie still look puzzled]

[Nikolai looks stone faced and angry]

[Chet and Charlie are waiting for the answer, looking suspenseful and scared]

Nikolai: Begin Strips

Chet[Enraged and trying to jump out of seat]: YOU HAIRY SLIMEBALL ILL SHAVEYOUR MOUSTACHE YOU LITTLE NERD[Lets out a guttural primal yell]

Nikolai: Yes! How do you think I felt when I found out that YOU were doing it too?!

Chet: [Still angry] PRETTY [Less angry] Stupid [Not angry] mad. I guess

Nikolai: So, once I retrieve the tall idiot, I plan on skinning you alive from head totoe, in revenge for you stealing my idea.

[Close up of Charlie and Chet, both whisper]

Charlie: Zacks gonna save us right?!


14/21

Chet: Uhhhh[Camera is on a bush. Zach pokes his head out, checks around, goes back in]

Zack: Aw man, this is a mess! How did I get in here in the first place! Stupid Chetwith his stupidaw, hes such a lightweight! Phewok, theyre probably after me

now. I gotta hide, but[Pause]ahhh theyd try to save me! I guess its up to menow, since theyre, pretty much helpless without ME guiding them along. [Pulls uphis phone, reads over a text message]but that one chick REALLY wants my meat.[Ponders to himself]Hmmmm

[Camera shows Charlie and Chet still tied to the chairs, and Assistant throws an

angered Zack on the floor between them. Zack has hands tied behind his back]

Charlie: Dangit Zack, we were hoping you were gonna save us

Zack: Well I WAS, but then I thought I was gonna mess around with THIS chick who

said she was into bondage

Chet: Well you kind of are now

Charlie: Ew Chet

Zack: Shut up Chet!

Chet: I guess thats what you get for thinking with the little head and not with the bighead

[Charlie giggles]

Zack: Its not little! [To Nikolai] Will you kill them already?!

Nikolai: Oh I am, I just had to wait for you to join us tall man

Zack: Listen marshmallow man if youre just gonna refer to me as a characteristic, gofor a more obvious one, like Well Endowed Man

Charlie: Or stupid man

Nikolai: Shut! All of you! Shut! You are all idiots! How on earth do you have suchanan, idiotic genius!

Zack: Hey my penis is a lot of things but its not idiotic!

Nikolai: SHUT! You are all everything I hate! [Close up of Chets face] You, with youroblivious mind! [Close up of Zacks face] You, thinking every lady loves you! [Close upof Charlies face] And you! A faggot!


15/21

Charlie [Flamboyantly angry]: Heyy!

Nikolai [Pacing]: Gah, you are all such idiots! [To Assistant] Blind the idiot!

Assistant[Confused, looking over the guys]: Uhhh

Nikolai: THE LEAD IDIOT!

[Assistant puts bandana over Chets eyes]

Nikolai: In my home country, we always kill our lamb from behind

Zack: We do that here too, but I prefer lamb on top

Nikolai: We do it[Looks what the fuck at Zack]we do it so the lambs last sightis something peaceful. We believe that way, in the afterlife, they will relive that calm

moment forever.

Chet: Uhh so why am I blindfolded?

Nikolai: Were not in my home country

[Nikolai stands up and puts the gun to Chets head. Charlie and Zack tense up]

[The door breaks down]

Customer #2: Chet! Were here to save y

[Customer #2 gets shot twice in the chest and falls dead. Clerk looks at the fallen body,

puts his hands on his chest as if he also got shot and starts sliding down the wall]

Clerk: Ahh oh god ahh ah

[Camera goes back to Nikolai and the tied up guys. Nikolai fires a couple rounds in

Clerks direction]

Chet: Guys! Guys! What just happened!

Charlie: Those guys you hired to run the other stand just busted in here!

Chet: Oh hey guys, whats up?

Zack: And then they got shot

Chet: Wowhow sadI guess Ill save on payroll. By who?!


16/21

Nikolai: Are youdo you not see my gun?Assistant: Welll he doesss have the blindfold on

Nikolai: Really now?! How badly you want to get skinned? Get the fuck over therecarry the damn bodies to the pigpen

Zack: Pigpen?

Assistant: Uhh I cant carry them myself

Nikolai: Fine, fine! Ill carry the one with nice skin

Assistant: Uhh

[Everyone looks at him]

Nikolai: Theuh

[Nikolai shoots one of the bodies again]

Nikolai: Just grab one!

[Nikolai and Assistant take the bodies and leave room]

Zack: That guy has a pigpen?

Charlie: Thats so weird

Chet: Which had better skin?

[Pause]

Chet: Are you still here?

[Charlie bonks Chets head with his own]

Chet: OW!!! Guys what was that!

Charlie: Me you idiot!

Zack[Inspired]: Hey Charlie, do that again!

[Charlie does it again]

Chet: Guys something keeps hitting me!Zack: Thats it! Im a genius!


17/21

Charlie: Stop

Zack: If we use Charlies fat head as a battering ram,

Charlie: Stop

Zack: Then we can break through a window or the door and escape!

Charlie: No

Chet: Oh my god! Like woah! Whaaat!

Zack: Awww man, and to think that I can add genius to my mounting pile ofcharacteristicspshhh oooo baby Im gonna get laiiiiiiid even moooore

Charlie: Thats not gonna work! Were still tied up!

Zack: Oh. Well thats nothinga little, flexing cant fix

[Zack flexes ridiculously hard. Zoom in of his bicep getting really really big. Ropes fall]

Zack: Hiihh yahh! SEE WHAT BEING A MAN DOES TO YOU?!

Chet: Not I, said Chet

Zack: Oh, well let me just[Grabs bandana and rips it off] HIH YAHHH

Chet: I can see! My eyes work again!

Charlie: Chet they worked before you just had a bandana on

Zack: SILENCE

[Zack picks up the knife from the ground]

Chet: ZACK DONT KILL HIM!

Charlie: WHAT

Zack: IM CUTTING THE ROPE

[Zack bends down and starts cutting off Chets rope]

Chet: Phew! That was a close one[Chet stands up, free from the rope]


18/21

Charlie: Great job Zack! Now cut me loose so we can high tail it out of here!

[Pause. Chet and Zack are staring at Charlie]

Charlie:guys?

[Close up of Charlies face as Chet and Zack carry him running towards the door.

Heroic music plays.]

[Everyone says their line together]

Charlie: AHHHHHHH!!!

Zack: YEEEHHHH!!!

Chet: WEEEEEE!!!

[View from the other side of the door, obvious that the door opens inwards and not

outwards like they thought. There is an apparent hit on the door and they collapse

with the door standing. Heroic music stops. Then Zack opens the door and he and Chet

walk out]

Zack: Well that was easier than a 7th grader

Chet: That year was tough for me; I think thats when I quit

[Zack and Chet walk out of frame. Charlie crawls through]

Charlie: Owww ih hih hih hih

[Audience AWWWWW]

[Camera showing the guys walking down the hallway tying to find a way out]

Zack: Alright which way is out?

Chet: Probably through a door. Lets check this one

[Chet opens a door. Camera shows Assistant on the toilet]

Assistant: GET OUT!

Zack: In?

Chet: Where?


19/21

Charlie: Ew

Assistant: No!

Zack: Thats what they always say

[Nikolai appears behind the guys]

Nikolai: GET IN!

Zack: If I must

Chet: WHERE?!

Assistant: OUT!

Nikolai: IN!

Charlie: EW!

[Nikolai shoves the guys in the bathroom. Everyone stands up and it is very packed]

Nikolai: Now dont even think about moving an inch

Chet: Yeah I dont think thatll be a problem

Nikolai: I cant believe I let my eyes off of you idiots for even a minute. I guess that ismy biggest mistake

Chet: What, blinking?

Nikolai: No. Not squishing the roach and letting it scurry away

Zack: Yo there better not be a roach in here man, I will piss EVERYWHERE

Nikolai: YOU are a roach! And so are you and you! I guess my biggest problem wasgiving you the slightest respect. I should have treated you all like the roach, like the

way the world has treated me. But no longer. No longer will my home be the soles ofboots. No longer will I settle for crust. From now on, I will chew on the whole pizza, Iwill end my competition with an iron hoof, I will

Assistant: Oh my godSHUT UP!

Charlie: BWUHH?!?!


20/21

Assistant: Get over yourself! You always try so hard to make your life sound so muchmore miserable than it is, and you give yourself too much credit before youaccomplish anything!

Nikolai: WuhI will skin

Assistant: What is with you and skin? Theres already been a villain obsessed withskin beforeor oh wait, did they steal that idea from you too?

[Nikolai looks stunned]

Assistant: After working for you for so long, Ive realized what your problem is: it

isnt that you arent given a chance to show off your ideas, its that you think yourfirst draft of everything is good enough. You stop after the initial thought, you dont

explore it. And to prove to you that you should explore everything more before yousettle on something, [Assistant stands up and pulls up pants] I entered the contest

myself, BEFORE it ended three weeks ago.

Chet: Whaaat

Assistant: And won.

Everyone: GASP!

[Assistant holds up a bag of Chick Chips]

Assistant: So basically, I quit. Now, Ill justmake my way out of here

[Assistant tries to squirm through the guys, fails, then crawls through their legs and

out of the door]

Chet: Woah. She has balls

Charlie: She has a lot of self-confidence too

Zack: Yeahthat is so unattractive

[Nikolai falls to the floor with his face in his hands]

Nikolai: My world

Chet: You ok man?

Nikolai: My life is over

Zach: Man up pussy. Lets bounce out this piece


21/21

Charlie: But what are we going to do? Especially since the contest is over, and westill have all that Chets Mix left?

Zack: Throw it away, duh

Chet: No! I have an idea!

[Cuts to scene of Chet and Zack standing in street with trench coats on. Charlie walks

up wearing a trench coat.]

Zack: We ready boys?

Chet: Hehheh YEAH! Lets spread the word

Charlie: Iiii dont know about this

Chet: Lets do it

[Chet jumps in front of a person on street and opens trench coat. Inside trench coat is a

lot of Chets Mix down the jacket sides]

Chet: Yeahhh! Come get some!

[Charlie jumps in front of a car and opens his trench coat]

Charlie: Just take it!

[Chet jumps in front of someone else and opens trench coat]

Chet: Grab a handful of my Mix!

[Zack is standing in same position, clenching trench coat closed tightly]

Zack: So yall are wearing clothes under there

END

chet's mix

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