chapter nine achieving emotional balance in a chaotic world

Chapter Nine

Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic

World

Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 9 - 2

Chapter Preview: Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World

• How emotions influence thinking and behavior

• Factors that contribute to emotional balance

• Critical role of emotions in the workplace

• Factors that influence emotional development


Chapter Preview: Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World

• Dealing with anger

• Factors that contribute to workplace violence

• Common emotional styles

• Strategies for achieving emotional control


Emotions: An Introduction

• Emotions are strong, positive or negative, temporary feelings that influence thinking and behavior– Such as jealousy, fear, love, joy, or grief– Provide us with knowledge of current

emotional condition– Energize our thoughts and behaviors


Emotions

• Are activated by a variety of events

• We can choose how we behave

• We have control over emotions


Figure 9.1Behavior Is Influenced by Activating Events


Achieving Emotional Balance—A Daily Challenge

• Achieving success in complex times– emotional balance has never been more

important – we need to be able to think and feel

simultaneously

• Choices made by heads (reason/logic) or hearts (feelings/care)



• Leaders that lack emotional balance breed– fear– confusion– anger– sadness

• Now seeing enormous differences in the expression of emotions



• People more likely to– drive aggressively – misbehave during flights– become abusive when unhappy with

service– experience emotional pain because of

disagreeable bosses


Emotional Competence

• IQ is not the only factor that predicts success

• Human characteristics that make up emotional competence– Personal competence– Social competence


Personal Competence

• Refers to the competencies that determine how we manage ourselves

• Competencies in this category include– Recognizing one's emotions and their

effects– Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses

in check– Maintaining standards of honesty and

integrity


Social Competence

• Refers to the competencies that determine how we handle relationships

• Competencies in this category include– Sensing others' feelings and perspectives– Listening openly and sending convincing

messages– Negotiating and resolving disagreements


Emotional Competence

• IQ tends to be stable throughout life

• Emotional competence is learnable and tends to increase throughout our life span


Emotional Expression

• Humans carry a large array of emotions over a lifetime

• Emotional imbalance can be due to – Learned inhibition of certain emotions and

overemphasis on the expression of others– Fixation on a single emotion


The Emotional Factor at Work

• Emotions play critical role in success of every organization

• Many decision-makers fail to understand the important role of emotions at work



• Traditional management training– Emphasizes "doing business" and is purely

rational – Values only those things that can be

arranged, analyzed, and defined

• Need to do business with meeting of minds and meeting of the hearts



• Today, firms realize the importance of establishing, building, and maintaining a relationship with employees and customers

• Compassion key to long-term success• Machines will never have the ability to

reach out with warmth through– eye contact– physical touch– words


Total Person Insight

• All of our technology is underutilized and will remain so until we put the emotion of doing business onto parity with the logical and rational aspects of performance improvement.

• James C. Georges

• Chief Executive Officer, The Par Group


Relationship Strategy

• Emotional undercurrents are present in almost every area of every organization

• Most service organizations realize the need for a relationship strategy– a plan for establishing, building, and

maintaining quality relationships with customers


Relationship Strategy

• Essential for success in today’s marketplace

• Front-line employees engage in “emotional labor”

• Frequent contact with the public can be very stressful

• Emotional labor is often more difficult to handle than physical labor


Factors That Influence Our Emotions

• Achieving greater emotional control starts with – Determining source of emotional difficulties– Studying factors that influence emotional

development• Temperament• Unconscious influences• Cultural conditioning


Temperament

• Refers to a person’s individual style and frequency of expressing needs and emotions

• Both biologically and genetically based


Temperament

• Certain characteristics – Are present at birth and remain stable over

time– Develop based on events that take place

during life

• Personality at any age reflects an interaction between temperament and the environment


Unconscious Influences

• Unconscious mind is a vast storehouse of forgotten memories, desires, ideas, and frustrations

• Can have a powerful influence on behavior

• Unconsciousness influences conscious decision-making

• Childhood experience can cause emotions out of proportion to a current situation


Transactional Analysis (TA)

• Unconscious childhood memories can bring out emotions

• The brain acts like a two-track stereo tape recorder that records– events– feelings associated with events

• Incorporated into many corporate training programs


Cultural Conditioning

• Culture is what we see and hear so often it becomes reality

• Shapes nearly every aspect of behavior and mental processes



• Often associated with a country

• Most countries multicultural

• US subcultures include– African American– Hispanic American– Asian American– American Indian



• Cultural influences have a dramatic effect on American adults and children

• An example– Interpersonal violence in the United States

is the highest among the industrialized countries

– Too much violence makes it difficult to achieve emotional balance


Important Roles of Emotions

• It is important to remain open to the full range of emotions that influence our thinking and behavior

• Emotional undercurrents are present in every aspect of our work

• Separating our mental and emotional energies at work is very difficult because they are so intertwined


Coping with Your Anger and the Anger of Others

• Anger is the thoughts, feelings, physical reactions, and actions that result from the unacceptable behavior of others

• Anger often triggers hostility

• Learning to deal with anger is key to– Healthy relationships– Physical and mental health


Managing Your Anger

• Anger can take control of people and cause them to make poor decisions

• Learning to deal with anger and anger of others is a sophisticated and mature skill people should learn


Appropriate Expressions of Anger

• Reduces anxiety and help you get rid of unhealthy stress

• Improves communication by letting the other person know exactly how you feel


Managing Your Anger

• The first step in anger management is to monitor your anger – How often do you get angry each day? – What are the causes of irritation in your

life?– How upsetting is each episode of anger? – How well do you manage each episode?


Managing Your Anger

• Use a diary or journal to determine the impact of anger in your life– Record source of irritation and the feelings

that surface – Record the behaviors you display when

angry

• People who monitor their behavior carefully see positive results


Effective Ways to Express Your Anger

• Buddha says:– You will not be punished for your

anger, you will be punished by your anger.



• Expressing anger can be therapeutic

• Many people are unsure about the best way to self-disclose this emotion

• Appropriate expression improves the chances of accurate reception and response


• Avoid reacting in a manner that could be seen as emotionally unstable

• Do not make accusations or attempt to fix blame


Strategies


• Express your feelings in a timely manner

• Be specific as you describe the factors that triggered your anger, and be clear about the resolution you are seeking


Strategies



Learning to develop respectful relationships at work is perhaps the most important work-related skill we can develop.

Robert RosellPresident, Quality Media Resources, Inc.


How to Handle Other People’s Anger

• Dealing with other people’s anger may be the most difficult human relations challenge

• Learned skills can be applied to any situation where anger is a threat to a relationship


How to Handle Other People’s Anger

• Recognize and accept the other person’s anger

• Encourage the angry person to vent feelings

• Do not respond to an angry person with anger

• Give the angry person feedback


Violence in the Workplace

• Ranked as the number one concern by security officials

• Workplace murder is second leading cause of death on the job

• Fear of workplace violence reduces productivity



• Workplace violence encompasses a wide range of behaviors including– Hostile remarks– Intimidation through stalking – Physical assaults– Threatening phone calls– Homicide



• Can be triggered by– Loss of job– Conflict between employee and

management– Personal tragedy– Abusive behavior by supervisors– Rigid, autocratic, impersonal work

environment



• Abusive behavior by supervisors– Verbal and physical threats– Lying– Deviousness– Sexual harassment


Employee Sabotage

• Employee sabotage is a problem throughout corporate America

• Employee misconduct combined with an edge of revenge

• Many employees act out anger rather than discuss it


Employee Sabotage

• Employee sabotage may involve:– Deliberate nonperformance – Financial fraud – Slander – Destruction of equipment – Arson – Computer crimes


Employee Sabotage

• Sabotage is committed most often by employees who:– Have unresolved grievances – Want to advance by making others look

less qualified – Want to get even for real or imagined

mistreatment


Preventing Workplace Violence

• Use hiring procedures that screen out unsuitable persons

• Develop a strategy for dealing with incidents before they actually occur

• If someone must be fired or laid off, do so in a way that does not demoralize the employee


Preventing Workplace Violence

• Provide out-placement services for laid-off or terminated employees

• Establish a systematic way to deal with disgruntled employees

• Provide supervisors and managers with training that will help them prevent workplace violence and deal effectively with it


Emotional Styles

• Emotional style starts taking shape before you were born and evolves over a period of many years

• You are likely to display one of four different emotional styles


Suppressing Your Emotions

• Many learn to suppress their feelings

• Some develop intellectual strategies to avoid dealing directly with emotional reactions

• Mental and physical health problems can develop


Suppressing Your Emotions

• Problems traced to suppressed emotions– Headaches– Asthma– Back pain– Cardiovascular difficulties


Capitulating to Your Emotions

• People see themselves as helpless victims of feelings that they cannot control

• Responsibility for a problem assigned to external causes while the person suffers in silence

• Often overly concerned about attitudes and opinions of others


Overexpressing Your Emotions

• Frequently displays lack of emotional control– Use of foul language– Flared tempers– Raised voices– Teary eyes

• Quick way to damage one’s image at work


Overexpressing Your Emotions

• Write down rather than express emotions – Use journal or write and throw paper away

• Releases toxic feelings

• Prepares to deal constructively with situation


Accommodating Your Emotions

• Accommodation means that a person is willing to – recognize, accept, and experience

emotions– attempt to react in ways appropriate to the

situation


Accommodating Your Emotions

• Integrates one’s feelings and the thinking process

• “Think before you act” point of view


Gender Differences in Emotional Style

• Men and women often differ in emotional style

• Women see men as too rational and insensitive

• Men see women as too emotional


Gender Differences in Emotional Style

• Differences can be attributed to– Early learning– Conditioning– Expectations of family

• Important for each person respect the other person’s style


Strategies for Achieving Emotional Control

• We have a certain amount of each energy everyday– Mental– Emotional– Physical

• We can learn to discipline the mind to banish thoughts that waste energy


Identifying Your Emotional Patterns

• Taking time to study emotional patterns helps predict or anticipate an emotional response – Record them in a journal– Set aside quiet time to reflect on your

emotional patterns– Make a chart of your emotions throughout

day– Repeat process over several days


Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style

• After identifying emotional patterns you want to change, consider ways to fine-tune your emotional style

• There are four things you can do beginning today!



• Take responsibility for your emotions– How you view your emotional difficulties

will have a major impact on how you deal with them.



• Put your problems into proper perspective– When faced with unpleasant events, pause

and ask “Is this problem worth getting upset about?”



• Take steps to move beyond negative emotions such as envy, anger, jealousy and hatred– When anger dominates your life, therapy,

counseling, or membership in a support group may provide relief.



• Give your feelings some exercise– Leo Buscaglia recommends that we

“Exercise feelings. Feelings have meaning only as they are expressed in action.”



It’s unfortunate that we’re never really taught how to show emotion in ways that help our relationships. Instead, we’re usually told what we should not do. However, too little emotion can make our lives seem empty and boring, while too much emotion, poorly expressed, fills our interpersonal lives with conflict and grief. Within reason, some kind of balance in the expression of emotion seems to be called for.

Gerard EganAuthor, You and Me


Summary

• Our emotions help us cope with our environment

• Emotions are feelings that influence our thinking and behavior

• Emotional undercurrents are present in every area of an organization


Summary

• Our emotional development is influenced by our – Temperament– Unconscious mind– Cultural conditioning

• All of these contribute to our emotional competence


Summary

• We learn to express anger and other emotions

• Appropriate expressions of anger– Contributes to improved interpersonal

relations– Helps reduce anxiety– Gives an outlet for unhealthy stress

• We must learn to handle other’s anger too


Summary

• Increase in workplace violence in recent years

• Steps can be taken to help curb violent employee behavior


Summary

• To achieve emotional balance, we start with an examination of our emotional style

• Four different emotional styles– Suppressing emotions– Capitulating to emotions– Overexpressing emotions– Accommodating emotions


Summary

• Emotional control is an important dimension of emotional style

• Begin developing emotional control by identifying your current emotional patterns

• The process of self-examination can help you find ways to fine-tune your emotional style

chapter nine achieving emotional balance in a chaotic world

Documents

emotional control slide

emotional development

emotional competence

life emotional competence

integrity slide

chaotic world slide

disruptive emotions

expression of emotions