chapter 8 making and keeping friends. chapter overview keeping friends friendships are precious when...
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Chapter 8
Making and Keeping Friends
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Chapter OverviewChapter Overview
Keeping FriendsFriendships Are PreciousWhen Friends Get TogetherSelf-Disclosure--Those Little SecretsSame-Sex, Opposite-Sex FriendsStaying FriendsLoneliness
Meeting People•Are First Impressions Most Important?•Mistaken Impressions•Shyness
MakingMakingand Keeping and Keeping
FriendsFriends
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Chapter OutlineChapter Outline
Meeting People• Are First Impressions Most
Important?• Mistaken Impressions• Shyness
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Keeping Friends • Friendships Are Precious• When Friends Get Together• Self-disclosure – Those Little
Secrets• Same-sex, Opposite-Sex Friends• Staying Friends• Loneliness
Chapter Outline Chapter Outline CONT’DCONT’D
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Meeting PeopleMeeting People
• We need both intimate and casual friendships.
• Those who lack such relationships feel lonesome.
• People differ in their respective needs for social relationships.
• Even our momentary moods can influence how social we prefer to be.
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Are First ImpressionsAre First ImpressionsMost Important?Most Important?
First Impressions--are those initial impressions we form of others and are based on very little information.
• First impressions do appear to be most important.
• In impression management, not all impressions are treated equally.
• There are a number of factors on which we base our first impressions (see next few slides):
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Type of BehaviorType of Behavior
• Positive behavior is the expected norm.
• When someone does something negative, it stands out in our minds.
• We presume the negative behavior was done intentionally.
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…colors our first impressions.
Attractive people are judged Attractive people are judged to be moreto be more:
• compassionate• successful• intelligent• interesting• sociable
…although they may not be!
Physical AttractivenessPhysical Attractiveness
• Unattractive others are perceived negatively.
• The matching The matching hypothesis--hypothesis--People usually settle for someone about as attractive as they are.
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Other Factors Influencing First Other Factors Influencing First ImpressionsImpressions
• Reputation – hearsay from someone else influences us.
• Similarity – assumed similarity leads to liking. • Propinquity – the less the physical distance,
the more the liking.• Nonverbal signals – a person’s posture and
gestures also influence our attraction to them.• Verbal signals – not what is said, but how it is
said. ParalinguisticsParalinguistics – unspoken but important features of spoken communication.
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Mistaken ImpressionsMistaken Impressions
We often use heuristics (mental shortcuts) to form impressions; thus, impressions can be wrong.
For example:• The False Consensus Effect--False Consensus Effect--we assume others
feel as we do.• Stereotypes--Stereotypes--widespread generalizations based
little on reality also shape our impressions of others.
• The Halo Effect--The Halo Effect--inferring uniformly positive traits from the appearance of a few positive traits.
• The Horns (Devil) Effect--The Horns (Devil) Effect--inferring uniformly negative traits from the appearance of a few negative traits.
Errors of judgment also make us misconstrue others. For example, the fundamental attribution error tends to make us focus on traits, not on situations.
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ShynessShyness• Shy people often are perceived as aloof.• Some shy people may experience an extreme
form of shyness known as social anxiety.• Shy people dislike being shy and see shyness
as a personal fault.• Shyness can be reduced by learning to
censor or cut off self-monitoring of thoughts and behaviors.
• Shyness is on the rise in America.• Some people are finding relief from shyness
on the Internet.
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Keeping FriendsKeeping Friends• The desire for
interpersonal connectedness is a fundamental human motive.
• The more we get to know someone, the more likely the attraction will ripen into friendship.
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Friendships Are PreciousFriendships Are Precious
Friendship--the affectionate attachment between two or more people.
Friendship is more than attraction, though. High quality friendships are
characterized by:• Helping• Disclosure of secrets• Praise• Loyalty• Warmth and closeness
Friendships in childhood are very important!
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When Friends Get TogetherWhen Friends Get Together
• One of the most common activities is the sharing of intimate talk.
• …friends engage in self-disclosure self-disclosure – the sharing of personal information with someone else.
• Women are more likely to self-disclose...• Doing favors for one another is a sign of
friendship.• They also engage in social supportsocial support – a process
whereby one individual or group offers comfort and advice to others so they can use it for coping.
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Self-Disclosure: Those Little SecretsSelf-Disclosure: Those Little Secrets
Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure--the sharing of intimate or personal information with others.
• Self-disclosure may help us vent! This may be healthy if it is done carefully.
• “Unwritten rules” about self-disclosure:- don’t disclose intimate information to strangers- don’t disclose so much to a friend that he or she feels
obligated to disclose equally sensitive material and thus feels uncomfortable.
• There are gender differences: women are more willing to disclose….
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Same-Sex, Opposite-Sex FriendsSame-Sex, Opposite-Sex Friends
• Intimacy plays a bigger role in women-to-women friendships.
• Men are not as close to each other as women are.
• Men typically do “buddy activities” (e.g. sports) with one another rather than disclose.
• Opposite-sex friends are sometimes used to explore ways to meet others of the opposite-sex.
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Staying FriendsStaying Friends
Some reasons why friendships cool:
• Life transitionLife transition--one friend moves away, takes a new job, or becomes too busy
• Trust Trust or confidentiality is brokenis broken.
• Or they realize they are more more differentdifferent than they initially thought or one experiences personal growthone experiences personal growth and the other doesn’tthe other doesn’t.
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LonelinessLoneliness
A subjective state reflecting the fact that the quality and quantity of
relations wanted is lower than what is available.
• It is not the same as solitude!• College students often report high
levels of loneliness.• Loneliness tends to decline as we
age.
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LonelinessLoneliness cont’d
• People with secure attachmentssecure attachments to parents are less like to be lonely.
• Other factors: low self-esteem, poor low self-esteem, poor social skills, culture,social skills, culture, and passivitypassivity.
• People with high levels of emotional emotional intelligenceintelligence (EQ) (EQ) report being less lonely than those without high EQ.
EQ--EQ--the ability to regulate one’s own emotions as well as to be empathic for others’ emotions.